THE ART OF “HOLD SPACE”

Most people would say they are good at supporting their family, friends, and
such, but why are we so bad on being there for ourselves? Shouldn’t love must
come first within ourselves so we will be able to freely love other people?
When my best friend – whom I’ve been with all throughout my life, started to
have uncertainty of living; I began to questioned my role in her life. Every time I
will saw her crying and silently cursing her life to the fullest, nothing I did helped
her. Not even holding her, or just attempts to soothe her. Sometimes her cries
pierced me so deeply I felt like giving up and leaving her alone. I felt so powerless.
It is so painful, but sweet. Because on that time, I realized that I couldn’t take
away someone else’s pain or rescue them. I cannot change what they are feeling.
All I could do was to witness, be there, and be present for her. In learning to
“Hold Space” for her, I learned to “Hold Space” for myself. In fact, I couldn’t be
present for her, without being present for myself.

“Hold Space” from the word itself, “Hold” and “Space” means giving yourself a
space to breath, to grow, to feel, to live, or even to proceed on your own. It is
simply an act of deeply loving oneself. Deeply in a point that you’re not just there
to take care of your own but to allow yourself to experience your own. You are
not in – charge of the world. So, don’t act according to its expectation from you.
You are only in – charge of yourself. In addition, giving yourself a “Hold Space”
means giving your own a time to experience yourself. Stop depending to the world
too much; it is not healthy. “Hold Space” also means to hear the needs of your
body and mind. It is not a belief system, but is rather a way of being with yourself
and meeting your own needs. This can be lifesaving in searching for your
directions in life. It brings space and awareness into your life, ensuring yours
reflects your soul and your longings, so you don’t have to wake up one day and
realize you don’t like who you’ve become. Furtheremore, “Hold Space” is to self –
reflect. It is to see yourself with kindness and love, and reflecting with all your
faults without judgement and criticism. Always see the good in you so you will
have a lot of reason to love yourself, so do other people.

Moreover, there are three (3) essential things to learn so you can give yourself
a “Hold Space”. First one is to “Embrace your imperfection”. Your “imperfections”
are what makes you unique and can often be the gateway to your greatest gifts. The
more you can accept and learn to love your individuality, the more you will
express it and the happier you will be. Second one is to “Commune with
yourself”. Making time to truly connect with yourself supports your overall
health and wellbeing. Just by simply putting your hand on your left chest –
silently feeling your inner thoughts will surely get you more closer to yourself.
Lastly, to “Listen”. Taking time to be still, alone, to simply be, supports you
in getting to know yourself, your thoughts, and your dreams, and gives you space
to correct your course if you have lost your way. It helps you to shine a light onto
negative cycles and habitual patterns.

In line with this, there are three (3) impactful consequences of acquiring
“Hold Space”. Of course, if you will have a “Hold Space” for your own, you will
have a deep self – growth. Because you were able to exert a time only for yourself
to grow, to breath, to search for directions, to explore, to discover more things
beyond what you know about yourself – simply building a space for you alone.
You will be able to grow because finally, you were able to focus on yourself and
you were able to live with your own self and not the ‘self’ of other people. In that
part, you will be able to know your purpose for living. Why am I in this world?
Why did God created me? What do I have to do in this planet? All these you will
know if you learn how to “Hold Space” for yourself. And if that time comes, you
will finally know your worth. Joy in the movie of “Hello, Love, Goodbye” once
said, “I am more than this job. I want more”. Imagine how fulfilling it is to finally
know your worth; to finally know where you belong.
If you truly want to help others, and make a positive impact on the world, then
learning to “Hold Space” for yourself, to befriend and love yourself, is the greatest
impact you could make on the planet. You can’t “Hold Space” for someone else
if you can’t be with your own pain and “Hold space” for yourself. If there’s no
room for you in your life, there isn’t really any room for others. When you’re kind
to yourself you impact the lives of others by being less reactive, more responsive,
more available, compassionate, kind, and at peace. Just like what Buddha have
said, “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more
deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not
to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the universe, deserve
your love and affection” – it only means that at some point in our life, we owe
ourselves the love that we so freely give to other people. If there’s a one thing I’ve
founded true after digging deeper to this “Hold Space” thing, that is, loving
yourself is not an act of selfishness but rather choosing the more practical way
on how to love other people fully that you ever did.