Punch and Judy script

Joey: Hello hello hello. Nice to see you all today. I’m Joey the clown and I start the
famous Punch and Judy show. And when I come up the stairs and I say hello I like
everybody to shout back and say Hello Joey so let’s give it a try, shall we? Get ready.
(goes downstairs) Here we go (comes up) Hello.

Audience: Hello Joey!

Joey: Is that the best you can do? Let’s do a really big one. Get ready. (goes
downstairs) (comes back up) Hello.

Audience: Hello Joey!

Joey: Ooh, that was much better. Nice to see you all today. You all enjoying
yourselves?

Audience: Yes!(etc.)

Joey: Jolly good. Let’s have a great big call for the star of the show our national
puppet Mr Punch. After three. One two three.

Audience: Mr Punch!

Joey: Oh no no no no no. This is a real Punch and Judy show. There’s not many of us
left, so you gotta be a lot louder than that. One two three.

Audience: Mr Punch!

Mr Punch (from downstairs): Ooh! What d’you want?

Joey: What do we want? We want to see you. Up you come and say hello.

Mr Punch: (comes upstairs) Hello. (goes downstairs)

Joey: Is that it?

Mr Punch: Yes.

Joey: Come up here and say hello properly.

Mr Punch: (comes upstairs) Hello properly. (goes downstairs)

Joey: All right. Up here and say hello very nicely.

Mr Punch: (comes upstairs) Hello very nicely. (goes downstairs)

Joey: Oy. Up you come.

Mr Punch: (comes upstairs) All right. Hello Joey.

Joey; Hello Mr Punch. Now Mr Punch.

Mr Punch: What?

Joey: If you say hello to everybody.

Mr Punch: Yes?

Joey: They’ll all say hello to you.

Mr Punch: All right. Hello everybody!

Audience: Hello Mr Punch!

Mr Punch: Very nice.

Joey: Very nice. You do a good show, (looking at audience)you shout nice and loud and
I’ll see you all later. Bye-bye. (leaves)

Mr Punch: Judy? Judy!

Judy:Oh, I say I say. Mr Punch, what do you want?

Mr Punch: Come up here.

Judy: Oh no, I’m not coming up there.

Mr Punch: Why?

Judy: I’m in the middle of a pudding.

Mr Punch: Well, get out of it!

Judy: (comes onstage)What do you mean get out of it, you silly old man? Oh! You
didn’t tell me we had company. Hello everyone, I’m Judy. I’m the other half of the
show. Hello!