Sloppy Sneezer

Tired of sneezing your butt nose off? Well then, read this article
to achieve a N.C.B.I.M.G.Y.S. and stop sneezing (maybe) for good!

Sneezing is a way for your body to get rid of “mucus” in your

nose. In my opinion, it’s bullying. They’re being shoved out of their
home! But I’m not here to get political. But seriously, think about it.
Maybe bring it up in Congress?
Anyway, first make sure to burn any tissues you have. They
make you want to blow your nose which is NOT acceptable. It is
outright RUDE to use a tissue. Plus, think of all the tissues people use! I
mean, save the turtles (tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk)! If it comes down to it, wiping
your nose on your shirt is perfectly okay. It’s better to keep it in your
nose though.
Pinching your nose together when you need to to keep from
sneezing is good. If you have to sneeze, pinch your nose for 30, 45
minutes before you let go. That way, any threat of an awful sneeze is
over. Make sure to cover your hand pinching your nose with you other
hand so nobody notices you pinching your nose.
Now, in an extreme case that pinching your nose doesn’t work,
it’s perfectly okay to sew it shut. If you have a nose piercing, then
congrats! You don’t have to poke a hole with a needle. I recommend
using blue thread because it’s pretty.
Now, in an even extreme-er situation, there is a possibility that
may ruin your reputation, but it’s okay! You won’t sneeze in front of
people. Simply scream, “I can’t do it anymore, I’m sorry!” as loud as
you can and run far away before you sneeze.

Congrats! You have earned your N.C.B.I.M.G.Y.S.! You will no

longer sneeze in front of people.