Naima van Tyn

Bailey Barnes
Throughout our lifetimes, we build all different types of relationships. From parents to
siblings, childhood playmates to friends, peers to colleagues. Even if these people are only in our
lives for a short amount of time, they can have a great impact on our behaviors, what we like,
and especially our moral development. In her interview, Bailey Barnes had a lot to say about her
experiences with people around her affecting her morals and values. Bailey, 31, has lived most of
her life in Colorado, moving from Lakewood to Greeley to Durango. She grew up in a family of
5, with 2 younger brothers, now 23 and 30. As an adolescent, Bailey loved going to school and
being involved in all the possible activities: student senate, debate, musical theater, choirs,
softball, soccer, lacrosse, basketball, etc. She described her overall behaviors in adolescence,
saying, “...I really started wanting to be more independent so I wasn’t home very often when I
was in high school. I was really gone a lot. I was spending the night at friends’ houses and I was
at my boyfriend’s house all the time…” (Barnes). To say the least, Bailey was very socially
active during high school and was a part of two larger social groups: the athletes and the
musicians. She identified that her family and two social groups both lead her to subconsciously
develop her morals a certain way.

Relationships are very important during adolescence because having “these lines of
connection open is the most basic principle of navigating these [adolescent] years well” (Siegel
26). Adolescence is a time where we break away from the adults in our lives, striving for
independence and deeper connections with our peers. This time where adolescents begin
“exploring and establishing independence while maintaining a range of important and instructive
interactions with their adult elders” (Siegel 27) is crucial in finding their identities and how to be
a functioning member of society. As teens begin to immerse themselves in society more and
more, they make supportive connections with their peers that help them through the tough times
of adolescence. Even though they do tend to drift away from their parents/guardians, these
relationships are still very important. When all else fails, they rely on their caregivers to be there
to help them make sense of what is going on around and inside them. Although it may seem like
teenagers want nothing to do with their parents, the best thing that guardians can do is to
maintain a supportive relationship so that their child knows that there is always a place to come
back to when things are tough. Society is not an easy thing to be a part of, and adolescents are
constantly bombarded with expectations and opinions. The more good relationships teens have,
the better off they will be.

One of the most important relationships that you can carry throughout your whole life is
family relationships. As a high schooler, Bailey played a very parental role in her sibling’s lives
because her parents were sometimes unable to put their child’s needs above theirs. Because of
this, her relationship with her siblings was just as influential as her relationship with her parents.
As an adolescent, she began to develop values surrounding caring for others and being a parental
figure; this value has lasted into adulthood. This was partly because she realized that her caring
attitude towards her siblings was very important. In her interview, she said that “...taking care of
people was a core value of mine; making sure that people felt comfortable and safe” (Barnes).
This was also influenced by the fact that she was not satisfied with her parent’s parenting skills
and her want to give her siblings a more positive experience. She said that she also developed
 Naima van Tyn

morals around how everyone should be treated fairly because of the way she was treated in her
family. She talked about how she “felt like I was treated unfairly a lot as a kid in my family and I
spoke out about that a lot” (Barnes) and how she began to value respect more and more. This is a
really good example of how both positive and negative family relationships can help you develop
good morals and values.

Not only were Bailey’s values helped develop by her family, they were also influenced
by the different peer groups that she was a part of. On the one hand, she really was into sports
and put a lot of time and energy into fitting into that group. With that group came a lot of
unspoken social rules and opinions and these were put onto her. “...if you show your excitement
or you show some vulnerability around something you’ll get criticized for that” (Barnes). This
group and it’s different norms led her to behave in ways that fit with the group. The other social
group that she was part of was the musicians. Being a part of this group meant being a part of yet
more rules and sets of norms and values. There were some things that she wouldn't do with the
musicians because they “...think of themselves as being a little more sophisticated...” (Barnes)
whereas if she did that around the athletes, it would be fine. Some of the values she picked up
from these groups were good, like bonding with a collaborative team and learning respect for the
different coaches and teachers. However, this also came with some less than desirable attitudes,
like the idea that one group is better than the other, or that you can only ‘geek out’ over certain
things. Although there are downsides to every social group, having these connections are
important, and Bailey got to fully experience this during her adolescence.

Since Bailey had so many different influences in her adolescence, her morals were
developed and changed during that time. Even though she had some negative experiences in her
adolescence with both family and peers, these ultimately led to her develop good values. One
thing that surprised me was the way that her parents affected her morals. I was expecting to hear
that her parents were very much role models for her as an adolescent, but instead, she built her
values around things that her parents failed to do for her and her brothers. When she was talking
about this, she said that her brothers were more of an influence on her because she felt closer to
them. This is another factor that influences on our morals. The closer the relationship is, the
more likely we are to take on the other person’s values. Adolescents are very impressionable and
we use other people to help us develop our identities and values. Strong relationships help
adolescents explore and learn in order to mature into functioning adults. Without these key
relationships, teens have a much harder time integrating into society.

Works Cited
Barnes, Bailey. Personal Interview. 24 September 2019.
Siegel, Daniel J. ​Brainstorm: the Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain​. Penguin, 2015, pg.
1-37.