We ofte n assume that our greatest dangers are from

strangers on dark streets or from violent men who might

break into our houses. The sad truth is that the highest
perils of brutal and persistent violence lurk within the
intimate spaces of our homes, from those to whom we
are closest.

Seventy-five-year-old Kusum Lata* remembers the heart-

wrenching afternoon that changed her life like it was
yesterday. “I’d had my lunch of chappatis and dal and
was resting in my room in Karol Bagh, central Delhi,
when my son Amit* walked in and asked if I would like to
visit our relative in Ghaziabad, in the neighbouring state
of Uttar Pradesh, about an hour’s drive away.’’

She was excited at the prospect of going on a car ride

with her only son. “I was looking forward to spending
some time with him,’’ she says. The frail septuagenarian
agreed to the journey, not knowing that it would be the
last time she’d ever see her son and his family.
“Although I was trying to make conversation with him on
the way, he appeared to be deep in thought and was
silent,’’ she remembers.

After driving about 40 minutes, once they were on the

highway, Amit, who is 50 and a father himself, stopped
the car near a roadside fruit stall and asked her to step
out to buy some apples. “As I was choosing the fruit, I
saw my son start the vehicle, and before I could call out
to him, he sped off,’’ says Kusum, a tear rolling down her
deeply creased face.

“Initially I thought he’d gone to fill petrol or buy

something, so I waited in the hot sun for several hours
hoping he would return. But then, late in the evening, the
truth dawned on me – I’d been abandoned by my own
son; my only son and child.’’

Taking pity on the elderly woman sitting sobbing by the

side of the road, a few local residents helped her to an
old-age home run by a charity in Ghaziabad. Emotionally
distraught, she was initially reluctant to provide details
about her; son to the volunteers, but after much
prodding she finally revealed his address.

A month later, representatives of the charity tracked

down Amit to ask him to take his mother home, but he
refused, saying he was disowning her as she was a
burden to care for.

A volunteer at the home that took Kusum in two years

ago says, “A few months before getting rid of his mother,
Amit reportedly made her transfer the ownership of her
house to him.’’

‘They took all I had and dumped me’

The saving grace in Kusum’s case is that she was not

physically abused, unlike Uma*, a thin, frail woman who
lies on the cot next to Kusum’s in the Ghaziabad home.
The 80-year-old woman’s hands and legs bear marks of
bruises and cuts, a result of the abuse she suffered at the
hands of some relatives. They tortured her, forcing her to
give them all her gold jewellery worth around Rs90,000
(Dh6,128), before they dumped her in front of the old-
age home one evening in May last year. “They didn’t
want me so they took all that I had and dumped me
here,’’ she says, her voice flat.

Kusum and Uma are just two of the millions of elderly

people with uncaring family members who take their
limited riches before throwing them out of their homes.
A report by HelpAge India, a voluntary organisation
working for abandoned and needy elderly people,
reveals some shocking statistics. According to the report,
one in three senior citizens is a victim of abuse in India.

According to an activist and charity worker, “All senior

citizens we spoke to in Delhi said they had been verbally
abused, while 33 per cent confided they had been
physically abused – often beaten and tied to chairs.”

Last year, in the southern city of Hyderabad, the well-off

family of a 75-year-old cancer patient decided to burn
her alive at a crematorium because they did not want to
pay for further treatment. She was saved when the
crematorium staff noticed her stir and called police.
Elderly parents being abused and abandoned is not just
an urban phenomenon. In rural India, the family system
is eroding, with the younger generation increasingly
heading off to cities with their spouses and their children
to start a new life – without their parents or
grandparents.

According to a 2012 survey by HelpAge India, less than

40 per cent of Indians now live with extended family.
While Delhi has the highest number of senior citizens
who own property, over the years they become meek
and dependent on their children. And that is generally
when problems arise.

Those who have worked in government service or for a

reputed private company receive pensions, but a large
majority of India’s population still work as farmers or day
labourers. Once they are too old to work, they are forced
to rely on their children or extended family for support

The traditional Indian society and the age-old joint family

system have been instrumental in safeguarding the social
and economic security of the elderly people. However,
with rapid changes in society and the emergence of
nuclear families in India in recent years, the elderly are
likely to be exposed to emotional, physical and financial
insecurity in the years to come. India is home to 100
million elderly people today. Their numbers are likely to
increase threefold in the next three decades. People are
living much longer and couples raising fewer children;
moreover three in four elders still report living with their
children. The result is that smaller numbers of adults are
responsible for many more years of old-age care than
ever in the past, and as bodies and minds of ageing
parents dwindle, somewhere along the way in crowded
urban habitats, relationships within families have come
under great strain. Ugly cracks are beginning to show.

In many villages, children from desperately poor

households are migrating for work in the cities, leaving
their old parents behind, to beg or invisibly die of
hunger. Our self-image in India is of a people who lay
less in store by material pursuits and uphold the
institution of the family. The Helpage India report is an
unhappy reminder of how distant from this the realities
of the changing India are. The melancholy stories the
report bring to us of the changing landscape of human
relations in urban India are not of desperate want but
material greed, of economic dependence and disputes
over property and income resulting in growing abuse
and neglect of aged people within our homes

Shunned or abandoned by their families,

many senior citizens face the prospect of a lonely
death at homes for the aged, with staff having to
attend to funeral proceedings. Often, the elderly
are reluctant to visit their families, in homes they
built for their children. In family after family, the
story is the same. Sons and daughters driving their
elderly parents out of the house once the property
has been bequeathed to them and possession
granted. The irony is inescapable. People pray to
be blessed with children, only to suffer callous
neglect and abandonment in their twilight years.
Even a glance at the statistics, leaves one not only
perplexed but alarmed at the state of the elderly in
 India. It is pertinent to ask where are the Gandhian
ideas in us?

In a rapidly materialistic society, parents seem to have

become liabilities and not assets. The modern urban
population is so consumed with accumulation of their
own personal needs; there is neither time nor space for
them to share with their parents. In most cases, the intent
seems to be there on the children but the priorities are
skewed, giving preference to social stigmas and
compulsions. Since society has set money as a
benchmark for everything, that is the only thing that
seems to be the barometer for a lot of young adults.
These are cases that have lower priorities for parents in
their day to day activities. However, the cases of abuse
are to, put it simply, appalling.
Gratitude seems to be thrown into the dustbin and by
these numbers; there is a trend to suggest that their
presence is a major liability to the children in today's
world. There are large number of cases in which parents
are abused for family wealth and ancestral property.
Make no mistake, this is not only the younger
generation, this includes the generation that is in their
late 40's or 50's who are architects of this mess that you
see. If the mid age generation sets such a benchmark,
what about the younger ones? At the root of these issues
is an inability to handle economic growth with
equanimity and grace.

As much as we have liberalized economically, our

systems are not in place that can support the elderly.
Neither the state is willing to provide them support nor
are individuals willing to support. Unlike developed
economies, which have structured old age recuperation
mechanisms, we don't have anything of that sort. There
is no major plan to deal with senior citizens and the
families, based on the statistics, seem to be abdicating
their responsibilities. While it is important that everyone
works in the family, isn't it also equally important to
ensure the elderly are taken care of in an appropriate
manner? Shouldn't someone in the family assist either
financially or physically to ensure they are taken care of
properly? the facts seems to be startling with regards to
how the elderly are neglected by society at large. It is
high time the state brings about policies that assist the
elderly in a more large scale manner and it is imperative
that the children of the elderly don't discard them like
perishable commodities. The older generation is the
source of all the comfort that the younger generation
has, it is their hard work and values that have propelled
the citizens to what they are today.

Putting aside, the legal implications, we need to think on

moral grounds. Why do we tend to forget that the
reason we are in this world is our parents, the reason we
studied is our parents, the reason we were alive all this
while is our parents, the reason we survived all the
diseases is our mother’s care. The hands who made us
walk is our parents’. When we were kids we never
thought of it but we knew that no matter what, our
parents will be by our side. But when our time came to
show our respect, to reciprocate the love, to show our
gratitude, we back out.

But the truth is that even when they are counting their
last breath, they are still thinking of us!

Blessed are they who understand

My faltering step and shaking hand.
Blessed are they who know my ears today
Must strain to hear the things they say.

Blessed are they who seem to know

My eyes are dim and my answers slow.

Blessed are they who look away

When my tea was spilled at the table today.

Blessed are they who with a cheery smile

Will stop to chat for a little while.

Blessed are they who never say

“You’ve told that story twice today.”

Blessed are they who know my ways

And bring back memories of yesterdays.

Blessed are they who ease the days

And care for me in loving ways.

Blessed are they who make it known

I’m loved, respected and not alone
All in all, today we are faced with a horrendous reality,
the youth needs to understand and empathize with the
elderly. We need to stand up against such injustice. We
need to take care of our elders and uphold India’s
golden traditions of strong family bonds and ethics.

“THERE IS NO HIGHER RELIGION THAN HUMAN

SERVICE. TO WORK FOR THE COMMON GOOD IS THE
GREATEST CREED.”