Always

Written By: Mari Emmanuelle Rico

Grade 12 – St. Paul

You have always meant a lot to me. You were my world, my stars, my
universe; I was supposed to let you go but my mind, my mind keep on
telling me no. My mind keeps on holding on the memories we had
together. It’s hard to let go Brian. How can I? Maybe because you are my
heaven and it hurts like hell to let you go. I have to go now. I love you.
Always.
 - Third Person’s POV -

(5:37 a.m.)February 20,2018, Alice woke up at exactly 5:37 in the morning

because of the irritating sound of her phone alarm. She took her phone place on a
wooden chair beside her bed and took the phone alarm off. Seemingly still dreaming,
she sat on the edge of her bed and stared upon an open window. The cold wind of
morning touched her skin, telling her to wake up. She got up and stretched her arms,
took her phone and walked straight to get her sketchbook. She opened it and saw her
sketches of Brian. She smiled.

(5:45 a.m.) She stared upon her art wall looking for an inspiration. Pictures of
some kind of analytical figure sketches popped in her mind. With that thought, she got
an idea to go back to Bicol and meet with Brian and spend time again. She walked
towards the bathroom feeling excited of the idea. After bath, she went for a toothbrush
and got all dressed up. She then realized that her face got more flaky than yesterday so
she took her moisturizer and took a few pumps enough to moisturize everything.

(6:03 a.m.) Before leaving the house, Alice checked her bag one last time just to
make sure she didn’t forgot anything especially her sketchbook, pencils, and other art
materials.

(6:15 a.m.) Since everything is pretty much fine already, she went out and to
her surprise, a beautiful morning greeted her. The radiant sun and its warm rays made
a contact with her angelic face as well as the cold wind that balances the temperature
she’s feeling. The bright colors of the trees are like medicine that calmed her mind. Its
leaves danced in the voice of the chirping birds and the crisp sound of the dried leaves
falling down from its branches at the same time. She closed their house gate and the
gate let out an eerie sound. She took our her earphones, connected the jack at her
phone and buds plugged in her ears, she walked.

(6:41 a.m.) On her way to the terminal, her eyes automatically shut close. She
felt really sleepy as she only accumulated 4 hours of sleep due to sketches and art
plates. She fell asleep in the car for around 50 minutes. Her sleep was really light as
she was sleeping with music surrounding her, she was aware.

(7:31 a.m.) She opened her eyes and saw that she’s close to the terminal. “Wake
up or you’ll miss your stop”, she told herself. She turned off the music and hopped off
the car.
 (7:10 a.m.) While walking inside the terminal, she took music back and the song
“Branches by Ben&Ben” played. She was able to see her flight so she took her ticket
she bought online and had it changed. Her footsteps made a light squeaky sounds and
grips to the ground as she walks towards the waiting area inside NAIA Terminal 3.

(7:30 a.m.) Upon waiting for the plane to board, she met her friend Amanda.
“I’m sorry about what happened, my sympathies is with you”, Amanda said. Since the
terminal was really crowded and noisy at that time, Alice just smiled at Amanda and
said “Thank you” even if she didn’t understand Amanda said. She opened her bag and
took out the Tupperware of crinkles. The confectioner sugar that coats the cookie itself
melted in her mouth, it made her happy.

(8:00 a.m.) The plane boarded, so as Alice. She went in the plane and upon the
entrance, a flight steward greeted her. “Welcome aboard ma’am!”, she said. Alice
smiled at her and went back finding her seat. Alas! She found it, luckily a seat beside
the window.

(8:30 a.m.) The plane went off. Alice took her sketchpad out and examined her
surrounding for an inspiration. A baby peeped out in front and stared at her. They
stared at each other for about five seconds until the baby giggled. Alice then fixed her
thoughts and decided to draw the baby instead.

(10:00 a.m.) Alice arrived at Bicol. She hurried to take a van to Sorsogon,
Sorsogon. She hailed a tricycle and told the driver to go the van terminal.

(10:08 a.m.) She arrived at the terminal and once again went for it to go to
Brian’s house to surprise him. She gave the conductor 100 pesos for the travel fee and
took her earphones once again to listen

- Alice POV -

Hello Bicol! I’m ready.

Hey pretty!

Stop it Brian! Know you just missed me haha!

I never said I didn’t. C’mon we still have to watch a movie later.

Alright then. I’ll go first visit Brienne so I can leave my bags.

Sure.
Oh god. Every single thing here feels nostalgic. Even Brienne’s home feels warm.

Brienne!

Alice! Come here! We have sinigang for lunch.

Oh sweet but sadly I just have to leave my bags here ‘cause I still
have to go somewhere.

Really? Where?

I’ll meet up with Brian!

Meet who?

Catch you up later! Bye B!!

OMG OMG OMG! Me and Brian will be watch a movie today. Can I contain my
happiness? No! I’m so happy I’m about to rip my face off. Seeing Brian’s home feels
cozy. I remember all good things. Christmas here has always been one of the best
experiences I had. His mother and father has always been good and welcoming to me.
They all feel like a real family to me.

Alice!

Brian! Let’s go now.

Chill we still have plenty of time. Haha!

You know I can never chill out. It’s movie time!

Alright let’s go in.

Funny ‘cause I can’t even understand the movie we’re watching. I can’t focus. I keep
on peeking on him. Oh gosh I love him so much.

Alice, stop looking at me haha. I might turn this off and have a little staring
contest with you.

Oh I would love that.

Silly haha.

The movie finished with me not understanding or remembering a single thing.

 I have to go now Brian. I know you’re still bust on the piece you’ve
been painting for days now.

You know me too well don’t you?

Shut up haha. You don’t have to walk me home. It’s just a few b
locks away from here. I can manage.

You sure?

Yup!

Alright then. Rest well Alice. I love you so much. Always.

I love you too Brian. Always.

I headed home and all I ever told Brienne is everything single moment with Brian
today. Brienne doesn’t seem so happy though. It feels that she’s a little bit
uncomfortable. It’s like something is bothering her until..

Alice, Brian is dead. Snap out of it! I know you’re hurt and in despair, but
you can’t stay like that forever. You have to move on. Let him go at
peace.

I know he’s sill here! Don’t tell me he’s dead ‘cause he is not! Brian
was just with me yesterday. We were watching movies and he
walked me home. How can you explain that?!

Brian passed away last week remember? He died because of fire right?
Didn’t you went to their house yesterday? The house was all burn out. Did
you not notice?

Oh God. Stop. Stop this. My head keeps on aching. Brian is not dead. He’s not.

What are you saying? No, their house was just fine. All attached,
there was no problem or anything. Are you insane? Why are you
keep on pushing that he’ dead?

No Alice, you’re the one who’s insane. Are you really okay? With what
you’re saying, it seems that you’re not.

Stop this! Stop her! Everything feels heavy.

I am fine Brienne.
No I’m not. He’s dead for Pete’s sake! He left me. He left me. I wasn’t even there when
he died. If I could just save him. If I was just there earlier, maybe, just maybe, he
really is still here. It’s all my fault. If I just insisted that we should eat outside, at a
restaurant, then he will not set their table up. He will not lit the candle up, and the
candle won’t burn anything. He might have been still here with me. It’s me. It’s all my
fault. Arghh. I feel like my head is going to burst any minute.

You’re not fine. Stop it.

Oh God. Why does Brienne keeps on pushing this? Brian is not dead. He was with me.
Brian is dead. He was burnt alive. I’m confused. What is this really?

Fine. You win. If this is what will make you okay, then I’ll do a
check up.

Thank God Alice. Anyway, I actually made an appointment to the hospital

just right around the corner of our village so all we have to do is to come.
The hospital already informed me that the neurologist is already in so we
have to hurry!

Seriously Brienne? A neurologist? Aren’t you being much extra?

Not really but just to make everything sure.

Arghh. Fine, whatever.

(1 hour and 30 minutes later)

And we’re done with the check up. Is everything okay to you now?

Yes we are Alice. All we have to do is to wait.

Oh here comes the neurologist! We’ll I’m not really scared of anything or whatsoever.
It’s just that I know what’s my deal and what is happening in me. I just really think that
Brienne is being so annoying.

Miss Alice Eleazar?

I’m here, sir.

Please follow me so I can explain to you the results.

Oh okay. Cool cool.

My heart is beating fast. Am I scared? No, of course not. Maybe I’m just nervous? I
don’t know. Who am I kidding?

So miss Eleazar right?

Yes.

Do you experience any kind of headache or any sorts of hallucinations?

Yeah sort of.

Well, actually, the reason of that is because it is a symptom. Based on the results
of the test that we did earlier, what you have is-

Is what?

A brain cancer.

Wait what?

I’m sorry did I heard it wrong?

No, I’m sorry. But it’s not that severe yet so we can perform a surgery to remove
it.

Is this for real? What is happening? Is this the reason why Brian keep on haunting me?
Why he keep on showing? If they perform a surgery, there’s no way I can see him
again. It’s not a bad thing Alice. Wake up. He’s dead. He’s not here anymore. You have
to let him go. Give him a rest.

Yes. Please do. If the odds are not in my side, it’s fine as well. God knows
what’s best for me and I lift up all to Him.

Tears. They keep falling. Not because I learned I’m sick, more of because he’ll be gone.
Maybe if he’s alive, this is what he’ll want me to do so. I think this might serve as a
stepping stone for me. To let him go. I have to let him go.

We’ll do our best.

Thank you I’ll just get some fresh air.

The wind has never been colder. The people are babbling this but I hear no sound. I
feel my heart beating fast as my tears fall down.
 Brian, if you can hear my heart, it screams my love for you. Please wait for me
there. I love you. I love you always and forever. I have to let you go for now but that
doesn’t mean I’ll forget you, okay? It’s just that I have to get through this first. I’ll come
back. I promise. Goodbye my love.