The Hearts Of Children

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Like many children Pete thought the physical abuse he suffered from his mom was normal.

Pete’s earliest memory of his mom’s temper was when he was a toddler and his mother was

throwing books down the stairs at Pete’s dad. But Pete thought it was just a game. Pete’s dad

moved out of the house when Pete was about five or six years old. When his dad moved out of

the house his mother’s aggression then turned on Pete. She would kick and beat him, throttle

him, throw him down the stairs and push him into scalding hot bath water. She once put Pete’s

head under water and another time shoved a full bar of soap into his mouth. Pete never knew

when his mother was going to flip and get angry and start screaming at him. Sometimes she

would apologize after getting angry. Other times she’d accuse Pete of making her angry and

sometimes she’d pretend it never happened. Pete didn’t misbehave as a kid but his mother would

find something small to get angry over that triggered her violent outbursts. It usually started with

her yelling and swearing. Pete would go up to his room to avoid her but she’d follow him to his

room and throw him against the wall and proceed to hit and kick him. If Pete put his arm or leg

out to protect himself she’d say he hit her and the whole thing would escalate. Pete’s sister had a

better relationship with their mother than Pete. She would hit and yell at her but Pete was the

bore the brunt of her anger. Pete’s sister wouldn’t admit to their dad that their mother was

abusing him, but she’d admit in private to him. Pete’s dad saw bruises on Pete’s back when he

was eight or nine years old and called the police. They took pictures of his injuries and

interviewed him. Pete believed the neighbors heard the raised voices but never made a complaint

or did anything about it. Pete moved in with his dad but in a month he was returned back to his

mother. It was around the age of 12 that Pete realized what his mother was doing to him was

wrong and not normal and that other kids’ parents didn’t treat them the way he was being treated.

Over the years Pete got stronger and started to fight back so the beatings happened less. Pete
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lived with his mother until his GSCEs were finished then he moved in with his dad. His dad went

to court numerous times to get custody of Pete but nothing changed. His mother still says that

nothing ever happened and that Pete’s dad made it all up. Pete still lives with the feelings and

fears from those days as a child and he’s in his 20s now. Pete finds it difficult to trust people and

he has flashbacks especially if he’s watching something on TV that triggers a memory. Pete finds

everyday things like walking down a street difficult as he worries that something as simple as

making eye contact with someone will cause them to be physically violent towards him.

Child abuse is common. It is important to understand and reduce the risk of child abuse

and familiarize yourself with the signs of abuse. Approximately three million cases of child

abuse and neglect involving almost 5.5 million children are reported each year. As the graph

shows, children are more likely to be introduced to child abuse at a younger age rather than a

older kid. The majority of the cases that are reported to Child Protective Services involve sexual

or physical abuse. Sexual abuse is any sexual activity that a child cannot understand or consent

to. That includes acts of fondling, oral-genital contact, and genital and anal intercourse. It also

includes prostitution and exposure to pornography. Studies have suggested that up to one in four

girls and one in eight boys will be sexually abused before they are eighteen years old. Physical

abuse occurs when a child’s body is injured as a result of hitting, kicking, burning, shaking and

other forceful contact with the body. One study shows there are about one in 20 children abused

in their lifetime. Child neglect includes failing to provide the basic needs for a child such as

food, clothing, shelter and other physical necessities. Child neglect also includes emotional

neglect such failing to provide love, affection or comfort. Medical neglect includes failing to

provide needed medical care. Emotional abuse ties into all of the above but also is associated

with verbal abuse resulting in a child’s low self-esteem and well being. It is not always easy to
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recognize when a child is being abused or neglected. Most children who are being mistreated are

often afraid to tell someone because they are afraid of the result of their actions or being blamed

for what happened to them or that no one will be believe them. Most of the time they keep quiet

because it’s someone

they love or someone

they fear or both.

Parents often tend to

overlook signs and

symptoms of abuse

because they don’t

want face the truth.

This is a serious

mistake that a lot

parents make every

day. A child who has been abused needs special support and treatment. The longer a child is

abused or left to deal with the situation on their own the harder and longer it takes for that

individual to heal and develop mentally and physically. The different forms of child abuse affect

the development and self-growth of individuals today because these individuals are not receiving

the proper treatment or support they deserve. Child abuse is an underestimated problem in

America because many children are afraid to speak up about it for fear or love of the

abuser, some children do not even know that it is not normal and many adults do not know

that it is happening to a child they love or are in denial about it.

Sometimes, a child may be confused if they experienced positive physical pleasure,

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arousal, or emotional intimacy from the abuse. This confusion can make it difficult for the child

to speak up.Children don’t understand what they are going through and why they are being

abused so they don’t tell anyone they are being abused. In order to keep the abuse secret, the

abuser will often play on the child's fear, embarrassment or guilt about what is happening,

perhaps convincing them that no one will believe them or that the child will be punished.

Sometimes the abuser will convince the child that he or she enjoyed it and wanted it to happen.

Children also don’t speak up about being abused because they are ashamed of what has

happened to them and don’t want to believe it or feel like they brought on themselves.They

assume there is something they could have done to stop the abuser. They regret what they did or

what they did not do. They wonder if the perpetrator would have stopped had they screamed

louder or fought harder. They ask themselves if they could have avoided the situation, the

location, the person. Survivors often don’t tell because they think they did something wrong or

didn’t do something right. They blame themselves. The public stature of a perpetrator plays

prominently in a survivor coming forward. If the abuser is a respected member of the community

or an admired friend of the family, the chances of a survivor speaking out are significantly

reduced.The survivors also feel trapped because the abuser is a public figure or well respected so

they don’t feel they have a chance of freedom. Many perpetrators do indeed threaten the victim

that if he or she tells, they might kill someone in the family. Sometimes they say that the

authorities will come in and break up the family not an unlikely scenario if the child is believed

and the parent who is told actually reports the perpetrator. Other victims are told that no one will

believe them.Children don’t tell that they are being abused because they are afraid or being

threatened or told that no one will believe them. Some of those who do reveal suffer negative

consequences, such as being blamed for "seducing" the perpetrator or being accused of lying.
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One study showed that 52 percent of those who reported mistreatment to a parent were still being

abused a year after the disclosure. Children also don’t tell they are being abused because they

feel nothing will be done about it and some victims have love for their abusers.

The child may not realize that the abuse isn’t normal because they trust the abuser and

because they think what the abuser is doing is okay because the abuser is intoxicated. These are

all bad signs of child abuse that causes emotional and mental damage to children minds. The use

of alcohol, tobacco, or illicit drugs can hinder a caregiver's judgment and put a child in danger,

leading to things like neglect or physical abuse. But in some states, substance abuse is also

considered a form of child abuse on its own. Most children don’t realize the truth until they

interact with other children who are not experiencing abuse. This says that sometimes people say

things that make children be in denial of what has happened to them because they are focused on

what will be said or done to them. For many years I lived with an inner roar of self-hate. Meeting

other women with the same pain made me realise it was not unique and I wasn’t to blame.Denial

is a funny thing, isn’t it? I’m sitting at a dinner party, freshly wounded from a failed relationship,

and someone is talking drunkenly about Jimmy Savile. “Well all those people who have come

forward as victims, I bet it’s just for the money, isn’t it? Those people just want attention.” And

at that moment, something inside me shatters. I fall through the glass floor of my own denial and

remember that I was sexually abused. By my grandad, starting from around the age of five or so.

Part of my mind reels, trying to stagger away from the memories. No, no it didn’t happen didn’t

happen didn’t happen. It did though, of course. According to statistics from the NSPCC one in

20 children in the UK have been sexually abused. One in three children who have been sexually

abused by an adult and don’t tell anyone. The children who are being abused were not taught that

abuse is not okay so they don’t make it known to themselves or to other people what is
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happening to them. The children are also convinced by other adults that they trust or fear that the

abuse is okay and that they are not being harmed that’s the way everyone life is when it’s not.

They have been taught to obey adults. They have promised to keep the abuse secret. They have

been bribed to keep it a secret. They have been threatened by the offender to keep it a secret and

are scared to tell. They feel guilty because they believe that the abuse is their fault. They are

ashamed to tell. They are confused because the offender is someone they know and trust. They

have been convinced that the abuse is normal or okay. They are too young to know that the abuse

isn’t appropriate especially if it’s done by someone they know and trust. They have not been

taught that the abuse is not okay. They don’t know the words to use to tell.

Most adults feel guilty because they feel like they didn’t do their job by protecting a child

from danger. When you’re the one who has been hurt in this way (or someone who cares about a

child who has), it’s hard to imagine that there can be any “good reason” for failing to protect a

vulnerable child. You may feel doubly betrayed by someone’s failure to help. You were in

danger, someone could have protected you and chose not to. No excuses or rationalizations for

their failure seem acceptable. Some adults are in denial because they don’t want to believe

something so tragic could happen to a child. Also, some people actually feel more anger toward a

non-abusive adult who didn’t speak up than toward the person who actually hurt them. They may

have expected the worst of the abuser, who was clearly deeply disturbed or had little or no

concern for others, but expected better from someone who was otherwise mostly caring and

worthy of trust. This anger at the person who failed to protect may be especially strong while

unwanted or abusive sexual experiences are happening, or as one begins coming to grips with the

consequences. But it can last for decades.The adults sometimes feel under pressure because the

child can grow up resenting them for what the child feel the other adult who knew this person or
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was around this person allowed to do to them and they didn’t speak up or protect them from this

abuser. Denial is a powerful and primitive defense mechanism. Someone who are dependent,

frightened and themselves the victim of abuse, can remain silent and not even see or hear the

abuse in order to maintain the desperately needed relationship with the abuser. In a way, it is a

variation of the old saying, “Hear no evil, see no evil.” Well, people do hear it and see it and fail

to act. Some adults don’t report the abuse because they are the abuser and doesn’t want to be

discovered and penalized for their sickness. Some adults are afraid to speak up about abuse

because they are scared of what might happen to them if they do tell someone they have

witnessed abuse or involved in it. The victim who is able to articulate the situation of the victim

has ceased to be a victim: he or she has become a threat.The people who are victims to abuse

who had the ability to speak up about the situation who may or may not still be going through

abuse becomes a threat because of the damage that was done to them through abuse so many

people take the fact that the child didn’t speak up as a way of showing denial of what really

happened.

Child abuse is an overlooked issue that happens in America every day because children

are afraid to ask for help, they do not want the person to get in trouble and some children do not

even realize abuse is abnormal and many adults are in denial of the abuse happening. Child

abuse is happening to children all around the world who need to be helped and need a solid

support system to help that child heal mentally, physically, and emotionally from these types of

neglect. As a result of child abuse many children are suffering from brain damage, serious

fractures in the body and low emotional self-esteem, which can affect the growth and

development of that child’s mind. If we do not take child abuse more seriously, we are liable if

more children suffer from brain damage and injuries that they cannot recover from. Suicide rates
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are already skyrocketing in our country, and overlooked or ignored child abuse is only making

that issue worse. Think about a child you know. What if this were happening to that child?

Someone you know may be suffering from child abuse right now. We have to act on this issue

now before it gets worse and starts to affect more children and their health and development.

Works Cited

Child Abuse. “The Day I Realised the Child Abuse I Suffered Wasn't My

Fault |The Guardian.” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 13 July 2015,

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jul/13/child-abuse-fault.

Children.org, Healthy. “Child Abuse and Neglect.” HealthyChildren.org, 13 Apr. 2018,

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www.healthychildren.org/english/safety-prevention/at-home/pages/what-to-know-

abo

Ut-child-abuse.aspx.

O'Grady, Robin L. “Why Children Don't Tell.” Lacasa Center, 4 July 2018,

lacasacenter.org/why-child-abuse-victims-dont-tell/.

“Child Abuse (for Parents).” Edited by D'Arcy Lyness, KidsHealth, The Nemours

Foundation, Aug. 2015, kidshealth.org/en/parents/child-abuse.html.

Newman, Sarah. “When Abuse Becomes Denial.” Psych Central, Psych Central.com, 8 July

2018,psychcentral.com/blog/when-abuse-becomes-denial/.