Black Church

By: Charnise Key

Characters:
- Pastor: Hyper, eccentric individual who goes over the top
for no reason. Really talks about nothing but tries to
relate it to the Lord somehow
- Congregation: Individuals that are over the pastor and
everyone else’s antics (can be audience members)
- Choir: Individuals that are singing the song but are tired
because they have been singing for hours
- Johnny: 26 year old sophomore that blames all his problems
on the devil and does not take responsibility for anything.
- Joseline: Party girl who attends church to cleanse her sins
of the week. Looks very busted and needs to shower and
clean her wig.
- James: Goes to church because he has to. Dislikes this one
because he can see how fake everyone is.
- Church Mother Teresa: Church Mother that sits in the front
row, sleep most of the service. Will wake up every once in
awhile to say a praise or two.

INT. CHURCH SANCTUARY

PASTOR
Now, we are coming to the end of such a powerful service today.
Yes, lawd. But before we end, let us have the choir send us off
with one of my favorite songs.

The choir begins singing “The Presence of the Lord is Here” by

Byron Cage

PASTOR
Can you feel it church? What do you think, pastor?

Guest PASTOR
I think I feel Him everywhere. I feel Him in my underwear. He is
here. God is Good.

CHURCH MOTHER TERESA

All the Time!
 CONGREGATION
Amen!

PASTOR
It’s so abundant in this place. Thank ya!

CHOIR (singing)
Everybody blow the trumpet, and sound the alarm!

PASTOR
You know an alarm. Like when your car alarm starts when someone
breaking into it. But if it wasn’t for Jesus. Let the Lord hear
us and be Thankful

CHOIR (singing)
The power of the Lord is Here, the power of the Lord is Here. I
feel it in the atmosphere.

PASTOR
Do you feel it, church. I feel it.

Guest Pastor
I feel it in my bones, I feel it in my phone( hello, Jesus on
the mainline) and I feel at home.(alright)

PASTOR
Wake him up ! ...I feel it, it's like when your grandma making
some chicken.

GUEST PASTOR
When I see a baby chicken in the coop...i watched a fox come and
watch the chicken. But do you know what it did not do? The fox
did not give up because he’s blessing was right in front of
him.He had a chicken in a half

PASTOR
The Devil is always trying to make you give up on your blessing.
But you betta not listen. You break through!

CHURCH MOTHER TERESA

 I hear ya, pastor! Let him use you, pastor.

PASTOR
The path the Devil is wide….as wide as your Aunt Erma's behind….
And long…..as long as that line on A&T’s Fried Chicken Fridays. Commented [1]: cut

CHOIR (singing)
Can't you see him working on the outside, I can feel him moving
on the inside!

PASTOR
On the inside, like the inside of your car...so junky so junky,
that aint the Lord. In 2019, we praying for a clean car because
a dirty car is the work of the Devil.

GUEST PASTOR
Do you know what else is the work of the Devil? It is-

PASTOR
We don’t have time for that.

CHURCH MOTHER TERESA

I know that’s right!

PASTOR
I’m gonna step back and have testimony today because the someone
has something to say today. Ahh! I don’t think y’all heard me..

GUEST PASTOR
(sing) Come on in the room..somebody in the room..has a
testimony today.

PASTOR
Amen, church, amen. Now, I’m going to hand the mic over but
choir do not stop praising and filling us with this moving
worship.

JHONNY
Praise the Lord, saints.

CONGREGATION
 Praise the Lord!

JHONNY
My testimony today is that I wasn’t about to make it to
church today because the Devil was working hard within me this
week. I lost my girl, failing my classes and smoking that Mary
Jane. But the Lord spoke to me and said, “You’re near your
breakthrough so stop what you doing and go to church.” So, yeah
church. I will finally be able to graduate from A&T…… in more
six years.

PASTOR
Thank you, Johnny. Wait...Get ‘em pastor

GUEST PASTOR
(Whistle) Get’p, Get’p! Ret’nah!

JOSELINE
(limps up to the podium)
I wasn't going to make it today. I’m just now coming to back
from the club. Y'all betta not judge me. I know my wig is a lil
twisted (straightens out busted wig) and I still have on my
colorful wristbands (shakes wristbands) but I am here. I usually
go to the club on Friday but I was hard at work and slept in.
So, I decided to party on Saturday and have fun and dance like
King David danced. So do not judge me….I’m talkin to you sister
Teresa. I know what you did last night (limps back to her seat)

Mother Teresa
My name is -.

JAMES
I hate church. I don’t want to be here. And the pastor be taking
my mom-

Pastor
Um.. that’s enough. Deacons, Paul Bearers, Anybody Listenin’
Sick him in the holy ghost !

James gets dragged out of podium and he keeps trying to speak.

Pastor breaks out with choir to block out James
 GUEST PASTOR
Now, y’all see. The Spirit was present in all our lives and was
at war with the Devil. Cause when the Lord steps in He brings
what…. everything you need….and what do we need...Healing and
tye tribbett Victory.

CHURCH MOTHER TERESA

Amen, pastor.

PASTOR
Sorry about the distractions, holy ghost we are focused on you
What about you church?
Uh Pastor ?

GUEST PASTOR
I Think-

PASTOR
We don’t have time for that.

CHOIR (singing)
I can feel the presence of the Lord, And I'm gonna get my
blessing right now.

PASTOR
You hear that? And I am going to get my blessing up right now.
Not yesterday, not in a month butter right now. You have been
waiting for your refund check to come into your account but I am
here to tell you, that refund check is not your blessing. Aww I
see some of ya’ll mad at me?

CHURCH MOTHER TERESA

Let them be mad, Pastor! They were mad at Jesus!

PASTOR
Now, what about you pastor?

GUEST PASTOR
I think-
 PASTOR
We don’t have time for that. Um, are you okay pastor?

GUEST PASTOR
I’m good.

PASTOR
Well okay...remember we have a whole lot of God in our lives. He
is the alpha, the omega, the head and not the-

GUEST PASTOR: TAIL! TAIL! THE RACCOON TAIL! THE RAT TAIL..

CHURCH MOTHER TERESA

Yes, Father! You are worthy for this praise and I thank ya!

JOSELINE
Shut up,Irene aint nobody trynna hear all that.

CHURCH MOTHER TERESA

My name is TERRS-

PASTOR
We don’t have time for that!

CHURCH MOTHER THERESA

You had time for it last night!

JOSELINE
WOOOOO SHE SHAKING THE TABLE

GUEST PASTOR
You know what! I came here today to give my message. This is not
what the message was suppose to be about. I came here to say,
“Everybody here has something that they are dealing with. But we
all serve one purpose and one God.” And you (points at pastor)
you unorthodox swine, piece of fool do not know what you are
talking about.So guess what, I am going to close. I want
everyone to remember that whatever you are going through, just
remember He is always with you and all you have to do is call on
Him and receive Him. Do you understand that, church.
 JAMES
I understand. And I also understand…

Praise music fades in

The End