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Notes - part 1- p.141
Expanding ideas to develop a mature style:
Paragraph 3:
“| realized the weather was fins
to the reader)
" (brief statement that doesn’t reveal any picture
“| couldn't understand where | had gone wrong. Although it had been overcast
the night before, surprisingly, | woke up,that morning, to the sound of birds
twitting, feeling the warm beams of the sun which was peaking brightly in the
cloud-free blue skies. It was a good enough reason why | decided to take a
shortcut ,so that I'd make up for the the time | had lost, and come back in the
lead again.” (Creating a sense of purpose)
“ Halfway through, | noticed something was wrong.” ( must a question here; what
went wrong?)
“ Halfway through, though, | started to have this eerie feeling; something was
wrong! The passes were becoming steeper and the boulders even larger, when!
finally reached a dead end. ...
Paragraph 5:
“ Sometime later, | felt a ray of hope sent when | heard what sounded like a car
engine. | sat up and listened again! At that moment , | was sure | wasn’t mistaken,
and in a fraction of a second, forgetting all about my tiresome, | ,,,."