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Everything you wanted to know about love and more.

Article · January 2012

DOI: 10.1037/a0030763

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 Everything You Wanted to Know About Love
and More

A review of

The Psychology of Love

(4 volumes)

by Michele A. Paludi (Ed.)

Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger/ABC-CLIO, 2012. 825 pp. ISBN

978-0-313-39315-0. $215.00

Reviewed by
Jana Hackathorn
J. Ian Norris
William Zingrone

Although “love is a many splendored thing” may be a less-than-informative stock cliché, the
phrase “love is a multifaceted and fascinating topic” is a better, more adequate description of
the four-volume set The Psychology of Love, edited by Michele Paludi, which valiantly
attempts to answer the question “What is love?” Given the complexity of the question, it
seems only fitting that the answer would take multiple volumes to answer.
Together, the four volumes, The Many Forms and Rewards, Emotion and Romance,
Meaning and Culture, and Research and Literature, encompass not only classic and
contemporary theories but also more current viewpoints and modern research.
Independently, each volume offers a unique collection of literature, empirical support, and
editorials from competent scholars from both within and outside the discipline of
psychology.
This series of books would be appreciated by anyone who would like to have an
expansive and eclectic reference section on the topic of love. The entire set covers a vast
range of topics, including the various forms of love (i.e., not all love is romantic), love’s
relationship to pop culture, the influence of love on behaviors and attitudes, and cross-
cultural views of love. Additionally, as some of the chapters consist of formal reports of
empirical studies, this series would also be helpful to instructors who have graduate classes
in which the various aspects of close or intimate relationships are discussed.

Love Is Comprehensive and Complex

Regardless of which volume one chooses to read, interesting and insightful commentary
awaits. For the sake of cohesion, each volume contains the same foreword and
acknowledgments sections that explain the background and evolution of the reference.
Furthermore, Paludi includes an introduction that attempts to illustrate the role of love in
poetry, philosophy, mythology, biology, psychology, and, ultimately, pop culture. Thus,
readers have the same foundation, regardless of which volume they begin with.
In putting together this reference, Paludi invited scholars from various disciplines to
provide their input. As a result, the volume set is incredibly diverse. Much like the volumes
themselves, the chapters within each volume vary greatly and offer something new. The
chapters differ vastly in length (i.e., some chapters are only one page) and topic, with topics
ranging from religious conceptions of love to discrimination and bullying in lesbian, gay,
bisexual, or transgender relationships. They also differ significantly in their approach to the
topic. For instance, some chapters are literature reviews whereas others are editorials.
Each volume is diverse in its approach and thus can be an excellent independent
resource on its own. After reading, one is left with much new information but still craving
deeper connections. For example, the second volume, Emotion and Romance, covers topics
as diverse as romance in film (Kramer and Gordal), Internet dating (Sprecher), and gender
stereotypes (Felmlee, Hilton, and Orzechowicz). Although these topics may seem disparate
at face value, these and others clearly relate to the romance theme, if not always in title, in
content. What remains unclear, what leaves one wanting more, is love’s connection to
emotion.
In all fairness, of course, the relationship between love and emotion is a complex one.
Given its complexity, love would be unlikely to be considered a primary emotion in the vein
of fear or joy. Nevertheless, it is striking that some of the leading researchers in psychology
(e.g., Ekman) have not considered love, given its cross-cultural universality (see Sabini &
Silver, 2005). Love also does not appear in one of the more popular models of emotion,
Russell’s (1980) circumplex.
What is obvious is that love has important relationships to many primary and
secondary emotions, including not just joy, delight, contentment, and pride but also shame,
regret, sadness, and other negative emotions in dissolution. In one of the standout chapters in
the second volume, Lewandowski and Radice examine both the obvious negative emotional
consequences of relationship dissolution and the less obvious positive emotional
consequences. Beyond this, few other chapters deal directly with emotion to any extent,
beyond the emotion that is a topic central to any discussion of love. Given the stated focus of
the volume, it is perhaps surprising that the topic is not given a fuller treatment, perhaps
even as its own specific chapter.
Considering the importance of evolutionary influences on mating behavior, it is not
surprising that sexual selection figures prominently in many discussions in the second
volume as well, such as in the chapters on reciprocity and liking (Montoya and Horton) and
romantic attraction (Felmlee et al.). Nevertheless, some of the places in which it makes an
appearance are more unexpected and thus all the more delighting, as in the fascinating
examination of romantic depictions in film provided by Kramer and Gordal.
Take, for instance, the chapter on the significance of the color red, by Pazda and
Elliot. Although its evolutionary significance will probably be familiar to anyone with a
basic understanding of mammalian mating displays, who would have thought that such a
narrowly focused topic would lend itself to such an interesting discussion of research in
animal behavior and basic physiology? The authors navigate the realms of both human and
animal behavior with ease and provide a scholarly and entertaining account that will be of
equal interest to psychologists and biologists alike.
One of the major strengths of the whole set is the presence of cross-cultural views in
each volume. Moreover, cross-cultural applications are not only sprinkled throughout each
volume, but specifically Volume 3, Meaning and Culture, provides a comprehensive picture
of just that topic. Not only are various approaches to culture included, but also a wide range
of nationalities and cultural norms are presented. Topics included in this particular volume
range from Chinese, Latino, and cross-cultural marital practices (including Confucian and
Maoist proscriptions on sex, romance, and marriage) to religious doctrine and their influence
on understanding and behaviors with regard to sex and marriage.
Additionally, although the chapters review how the plight of women in traditional
cultures has been improving worldwide, they also provide a very comprehensive view of the
repression still remaining in a number of cultures. Of particular interest is the historical
review of dating and marriage practices in China. In one chapter, Merali paints a picture set
in political context, indicating that since the 1950s, China and Vietnam have passed laws
making forced marriages (i.e., ones in which the bride has little to no say in the marriage and
often meets the spouse for the first time at the ceremony) illegal, which was instrumental in
reducing their incidence in China from 70 percent to 10 percent of marriages in less than a
decade.
Since the 1950s, along with increasing encounters with Western cultures, the rate of
arranged marriage dropped approximately 50 percent in Nepal. Interestingly, despite similar
legislation addressing forced and arranged marriage practices adopted in India in 1961, the
expectation of dowries in arranged marriages and even the alarming custom of dowry death,
with the bride being killed if the husband’s family does not receive enough value in goods or
money to the satisfaction of the groom’s parents, has continued at previous levels. Among
Muslims in China, women and girls experience higher levels of arranged marriages than do
their Chinese counterparts, due mainly to the importance of “honor” in the Islamic religion,
even when situated within the Chinese nation and culture.

Limitations

Each of the volumes adds a wealth of information and can serve as a wonderful resource;
however, one limitation in this set of books is that due to its innovative approach, it often
feels disjointed. Although the editor has made an impressive attempt to organize the volumes
into a seemingly coherent arrangement, the chapters within the each volume are arranged in
an often-perplexing manner. For example, in the fourth volume, one chapter presents a
historical and philosophical literary review of Kierkegaard’s poetry and writings. In the very
next chapter, a literature review of the consequences of neglectful parenting is presented,
followed by a chapter that qualitatively analyzes children’s “romance novels.”
Additionally, the chapters flow from editorial narratives to a single article or
description of a study to a two-page chapter containing a list of words for love in Spanish.
However, it should be noted that no matter how the editor chose to arrange the material, she
was probably aware that there would be some questioning and critique of her method.
Putting together a large compendium of information on a wide range of topics that are all
connected to a broad construct is difficult. Regardless of its organization, the overarching
collection of information presented in these volumes is invaluable, helpful, and welcomed.
Another notable comment, although it is unclear whether this is a limitation or
perhaps a strength, is that there appears to be a disproportionate amount of information given
from the point of view of feminist psychology. For example, in the introduction, Paludi, a
well-respected psychologist in the area of women’s issues, describes the connections
between pop culture and love. Paludi illustrates how various forms of love are usually
portrayed in movies. Specifically, she highlights “hidden” themes in romantic movies,
focusing on the themes of male dominance, ethnocentricity, heterosexism, and ableism.
Although this is a strength because it is highly important that the messages and stereotypes
not be ignored, she avoids other important and probably equally deplorable (and gender
equal) messages that are in movies, such as messages about unrequited love (Baumeister,
Wotman, & Stillwell, 1993).
This trend continues throughout the volumes. Much of the volume on the cultural
aspects and meaning of love is written as an informative feminist critique of the plight of
women worldwide. This is not a criticism of the intent or the scholarship in bringing this
important information to light, but this volume is one of a set titled The Psychology of Love,
and it may be somewhat misleading in this respect.
In fact, only two of the chapters in Meaning and Culture (Volume 3) provide a
positive analysis of dating and relationships. From the actual perspective of the psychology
of love, the majority of relationships are usually considered normal or healthy—certainly not
without problems, but definitely not pathological. But the positive side of relationships, such
as self-expansion and inclusion of the other in the self (Aron & Aron, 1997), is not
represented. And, although it is not news to anyone that women worldwide experience a
great deal of negativity in dating and marriage relationships, some of it repressive and even
horribly violent, the subtitle should reflect that this volume is about the negative aspects of
dating and marriage.
Additionally, there are other chapters that, although very thought provoking, do not
necessarily reflect the psychology of love. For example in Volume 3, Ellens provides an
excellent history of the changing ideas of love and sex within various religions and cultures,
ending with a very personal opinion on the overmoralizing of sex within Christianity.
Although well researched and clearly written, it seems out of place in a volume with
psychology in its title, as no psychological research is referenced. The unique perspective it
provides, though well supported and provocative, perhaps belongs in a book on philosophy
and religion rather than in this one.
The standard topics in psychological and relationship research are here, too.
Castaneda attempts to directly answer the question “What is love?” with contemporary
definitions (Vol. 4), and Williams provides a comprehensive view of the definitions of love
according to adolescents (Vol. 3). Kimberly and Hans provide an up-to-date account of love-
styles research (Vol. 2); Estrada covers relational communication (Vol. 2). Each volume’s
highlights are found primarily in the less-obvious places—finding love on the Internet
(Sprecher, Vol. 2) or in the context of physical disabilities (Ostrove and Coffman, Vol. 4). In
Meaning and Culture (Vol. 3), two separate chapters focus on how religious ideas influence
understanding and behaviors with regard to sex and marriage.
Burke, Neimeyer, and Elacqua (Chapter 8) explore the idea of complicated grief that
may occur after loss of a loved one and therapeutic techniques such as letter writing to the
deceased to achieve closure, allowing the spouse to move on from this form of debilitating
grief. They extend this concept to the idea of complicated spiritual grief, in which the loss of
a loved one triggers a crisis of faith, bringing with it a questioning of God’s mercy, thereby
upsetting one’s relationship with God in trying to understand why a loving God would take
 away the love of one’s life. Although religious in concept, the chapter has evident ties to
psychology, and this line of discussion provides an insightful interdisciplinary viewpoint.
Although the relationship of the chapters to the stated themes of a volume is
sometimes puzzling, the sheer breadth and interdisciplinary ground covered in each of the
volumes are clearly one of the set’s great strengths. As noted in the introduction, love is a
topic that virtually everyone has had something to say about over the course of human
history; in parallel fashion, it appears to be a topic suitable for commentary by virtually
every field of scientific and humanistic inquiry. The best chapters reflect this
multidimensional approach. Overall, this four-volume set is intelligent, comprehensive in
scope, well written, and worthwhile, offering a plethora of scholarly research for anyone
who wants to know anything about love.

References

Aron, A., & Aron, E. N. (1997). Self-expansion motivation and including the other in the
self. In S. Duck (Ed.), Handbook of personal relationships: Theory, research, and
interventions (pp. 251–270). New York, NY: Wiley.
Baumeister, R. F., Wotman, S. R., & Stillwell, A. M. (1993). Unrequited love: On
heartbreak, anger, guilt, scriptlessness, and humiliation. Journal of Personality and

Social Psychology, 64, 377–394. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.64.3.377

Russell, J. A. (1980). A circumplex model of affect. Journal of Personality and Social

Psychology, 39, 1161–1178. doi:10.1037/h0077714

Sabini, J., & Silver, M. (2005). Ekman’s basic emotions: Why not love and jealousy?

Cognition and Emotion, 19, 693–712. doi:10.1080/02699930441000481

PsycCRITIQUES December 5, 2012, Vol. 57, Release 48, Article 2

1554-0138 © 2012, American Psychological Association

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