The one I gave away

“You make my day”, I smiled while reading your last letter, for me. That girl is so lucky to have
you in her life. Why did I let go of your hand?
We first met at the library, picking the same book titled, 'Brokeback Mountain' by Annie Proulx.
We both giggled, as we sat and read the book. We talked for hours and felt comfortable with each other.
We got each other's phone number and promised to meet again. We did.
It was love-at-first-sight, you said. You were so into us, into me. I was afraid it was only an
infatuation, I was afraid you will leave me soon. But you didn't. In fact, I did.
You always give me your million, when I only can give my hundred. You were never selfish and
always wanted to give me your everything, I was overwhelmed. I knew I couldn't keep up on your pace.
I knew I couldn't do it. You were reaching the last pages of the book, while I was stuck in chapter one. I
was sure that you wouldn't leave me, that's why I did what I wanted to do. We aren't committed but that
was just my excuse. We know what's going on between us and only I was in denial for that. You kept on
giving me your love but I tried so hard to not accept it. I wasn't ready.
Our situation was unfortunate and I tried to fix it. You know I did, but you didn't want me too.
“let's meet again next again”, you said. But we never did.
You found a girl who was willing to be there with you. Who treasures you as much as you
treasures her. You found your equal one. You found true love.
I'm happy for you though. Now that you've found your happy place, I hope that I could find mine
too. Not with someone else, but happiness within me. I hope that I can learn to love myself, and to let
myself make mistakes and grow as a beautiful flower.
You were my greatest lesson, although we didn't end up together, I hope you can still remember
me. Now i'm sitting alone, at the same spot where we read this book. I can see you across smiling brightly,
together with your girl. You deserve that happiness, you deserve that love, you deserve that girl.
All these letters that you gave for me, I still keep them with me. Not just the letters itself, but also
the messages. I'm still rooting for you, my dear one. “I wish I knew how to quit you.”