Lost Words

by R.N.
 INTRODUCTION

When I shall lay for forever rest, I shall remember you. Always and forever.

Winter in April is a collection of poems and other dedication​—​to be always remembered

of keeping someone dear and special in our lives.

The collection started in the middle of the winter season. The words are specially
dedicated to my first love​—​also a dear friend of mine. Not all first love relationships are
successful. However, it is an experience to be remembered, to be felt special, and to be
treasured in every memory.

In many ways, in every page, the love that I have felt during these times of writing are
fully dedicated to express gratitude and pure feelings. The words flew in my thoughts,
like never ending, multitudes of graceful notes playing.

I hope you enjoy ​Winter in April a​ s much as more I have poured my blood, sweat, and
tears into this collection. May you also find the words and phrases that will bring you
sweet scent and a reason to give gratitude to your first love as well.

With love,
R.N.
 THE HORIZON

Right where the flock of birds flew

where the sun was gently dancing
where grass slowly outgrew
where the waters are meekly waving.

Right where we sat in radiant beam

where we held hands with pure delight
where our feet kept in a mellow stream
where the moon and stars soon reunite.

Right where we danced under the pale moonlight

where we hoped to share our dreams
where the red strings would take away the fright
where the stars show the fate as it seems.

Right where we shall lay together

where stare into each other’s eyes
where it shall all blur
where we shall see the sun and moon last rise.
 DAWN

It is always the best scenery in the morning. You hold a cup of coffee with the blanket
still wrapped around you, carefully sliding the glass door then sitting down on your
favorite rocking chair.

While the cold yet gentle blew with a morning kiss, you take a sip of your coffee as you fix
your sight on the rising sun​—​waiting for the purple sky turn blue and white bright. As
days go by, you realize that rather sitting and taking a sip of your coffee has never will
never be enough until you get old.

Then there came a time when you found your own partner. Greeting you with morning
kisses​—​instead of the wind doing it by itself. The time when you held her in your arms​—
enough to warm her up as the sun rises again.
 BIRDS

I have always loved birds since I was little. Sometimes, I wanted to be like them​—​always
flying wherever they like. With the feeling that they can fly over to their dreams. If I were
a bird, I would always fly over to you. Why? Because you have always been one of my
dreams.
 GRAVITY

She was like gravity. Wherever I go, whatever I do, no matter how high I would jump,
she’s always the one who kept pulling me back.
 JOURNAL

I would tend to write in my favorite place​—​the journal. It’s where I find peace when I go
to different places. However, what I like the most within the content of my journal is
you​—​my favorite thought.
 EPOCH

Beyond the clouds​,

​where the whole universe
lays resting
along with the restless
stars that shine​—
reflecting upon your eyes
where I could see the whole truth.

The moon​—
​that embraces the sun
even when the wheels
have stopped turning
I would strive
​to be the captain
even when the shallows
are too deep to explore
I shall dive​—
with an everlasting breath.

Lastly​—
​as the eclipse
would dare to show
the clock
shall begin to tick again
and when the time
for you to slumber
I will be there
forever guarding you.
 MELLIFLUOUS

Her voice has everything. Her voice that bringeth aroma into the thin air. Her voice that
was pleasant to hear. Her voice that played like a gentle rhyme in my ears. Her voice that
composes nonchalant words and phrases. Her voice that I solemnly miss​—​from the day
it broke.
 FLOWERS

What everyone would love and would wish to see ​until at the roads of Paris. Where they
would crave to find love. Expensive, fragile​—​yet the sweetest to smell. Flowers​—​that
would always remind me of her. That I would to anything and everything just to stay.
 REMEMBRANCE

Everyone would meet someone who makes them remember something or someone.
Most of the time, it is something sadder than the blue. For me, you somehow reminded
me of the other most important person in my life, someone who took care of me in my
younger days.

It is you, who acts very similarly like her. It is also the reason why I fell in love with you.
That you made me remember the person in my past.
 KINDNESS

Though may not see it, I loved your acts of kind deed.
 REASONS

Everything doesn’t happen by accident. Everything happens for a reason or some

reasons, as they would say. Meeting her was not by accident as well. She came into my
life not knowing her purpose. Later, I have realized why I met her. And this reason, is
mainly why I fell for her.
 ETHEREAL

It is something special
she possessed
and brought upon
to rebuild
of something​—
​a great lament
which became
the only trail
in putting the puzzles
into a whole piece​—
​once again.
 RECOGNITION

I would pay at any cost, even if it means losing all of my fortune​—​just for you to
recognize me once again, even if it’s only for a short time.
 LOVER

Oh, how I wish for you to call me that one day. Though I know it will only happen within
my dreams until the birds have arrived.
 NUMBERS

Numbers have a quite deal to people. Asking you how many men have you dated as of
now. All of them, asking these irritating questions of numbers. As for me, I don’t care
how many men you have dated or how many kisses you have shared with him. Numbers
aren’t quite a deal to me. But, I am willing to count the days that I have spent with you.
It’ll be one of my greatest achievement.
 BLIND

Maybe I was too blind at everything​—​I’m sorry. I know that I have also hurt you. With
my recklessness and selfishness. But note that you became my every reason and world.
 LIMERENCE

I have never yearned for this action, neither the word itself. I have only loved and cared
for you, nothing more, nothing like this.
 FANTASY

I could see you standing

above the water
while the moon
gently reflects
on each and every flow.

Like a goddess,
who doesn’t have the need
to wear her gold armor​—
​but only to wear
a fine dress
as white
as an alabaster
dancing gracefully​—
where I would always
want to retract.
 HAVEN

The only place where I would call it a ‘home’​—​a place where she is there.
 COWARD

I was a coward. F0r not trying too hard and for giving up on her​—​giving her up to
somebody else.
 X and Y

It is always the same

in the name of love,
finding the intersection
between​—
​the answers of x
and the reasons
of y.
 AQUIVER

Her presence is haunting that makes me aquiver. Yet the loneliness goes away.
 FRIENDS

A fact that I have to accept,

in every situation
that would happen
between us​—
​the only word
that will only remain.

I do not own you

nor you do own me
I could only yearn
for nothing
in the reality
as of now.

What I feel,
what I think,
what I dream,
what I imagine
are just moments
of serendipity​—
​that are impossible.
 PARIS

A place where lovers would dream to travel. But also contains the happiest memories
that can hurt someone​—​harder than the arrow striking the heart. Where everyone would
also find new love. It wouldn’t be bad if I see you in Paris​—​when you started to walk
away.
 HER WORDS

Her words​—
​like endless rhymes
playing in his mind
like cotton candy
that bringeth the sweetness

Her words​—
​written in words
and phrases
forgetting his tattered memories
constructing a new
and unforgettable ones.
 VIETNAM

There she goes​—​yearning for a kiss, especially from her ‘special someone’. Sad, I’m not
the guy. Oh, how I wish that I was the one.
 VEINS

You’re in my veins. And I cannot get you out.

 LUMINESCENCE

The way she glows, even in the dark​—​cold, yet mesmerizing.

 AURORA

A scenery​—
​reflecting on her eyes
every minute
every second
every hour
like a radiant beam
how delightful it is!
 OBLIVION

It’s what he feels whenever she’s around. Unconscious in the real world​—​conscious in
the imaginary world with her.
 GARDEN

Where I dream to be with you

while the birds are chirping
while the leaves are quietly rustling
where sky meets the eye
while the flowers are blooming
where everything is possible
where wishes are granted
where everything bursts into life
where his world is enclosed​—
​with her.

Always and forever.

 SOME THINGS

You will never be with her, t​ hey said.

I know.

​ hey asked.
Then why bother writing a hundred words and phrases for her? T

Men would give you a thousand bouquets of flowers. Of course, it’s the sweetest thing
that a man could ever do to her love, especially during the Valentine’s Day. Where you
eat at a fancy restaurant. Where he drives you with his thousand dollars cost of fancy car.
Or maybe takes you on a ride with this private yacht.

Even if it’s not Valentine’s Day, I would make sure that you receive presents for your
birthdays. Not caring if I’m already tired or my hands may need bandages. Instead of
taking you in fancy places, we would enjoy the scenery of stars. I will kiss you anywhere,
just like how you wanted them. I will take you to ferris wheels. I won’t gift you flowers.
Instead, I will give you something that will last forever.

Because I truly love you.

 SAPIOSEXUAL

Yes, you are beautiful. You have the ability you stand out in the crowd. But that’s not one
of major reasons why I fell in love with you. I fell in love with your intelligence that
tickled my mind.
 JEALOUSY

The feeling that I have no right to ever feel of​—​you are not mine yet the feeling dares to
stay within.
 SHE

He thinks of her
she thinks of him not
he assures her well
she may not assure him well back
he thinks of her
she may not think of him as well
he is not her poet​—
​neither her poetry
she is his poet​—
​either his poetry

He loved her
she loved him back;
maybe​—
​only as a friend.
 WALLFLOWER

There comes a time that we all experience being the wallflower among the group. And
there is this time that someone will turn his/her own spotlight to us. She did that to me.
My personality of being a wallflower was erased by her. But, not all of the time that her
spotlight focuses on me. However, I became grateful for her​—​erasing that personality of
mine.
 B E AU T I F U L

You are beautiful no matter or whatever you may become. I will not judge you.
 MORNING

When the sun is already up beyond the horizon, I would still be by your side, waiting for
you to wake up. Wanting to see your good morning smile, your good morning giggle,
your good morning hug, and then our good morning kiss.
 DISTANCE

Just a small and close distance between us, I’ll be fine enough.
 PATIENCE

Patience is a virtue. That’s why I’d wait for you, even if it takes forever.
 THREE WORDS

Lost three words​—

​the saddest
and hardest ones
to ever say
whether to start,
or to end
the long relationship.
 3AM

Wake me up at this hour, tell me where you want to go, we will go there. Even if it’s in
the middle of the road where I can show the world that you’re mine and I am yours.

But, it may never happen.

 HAPPY

The feeling that I feel when I’m with you. Yet, the feeling that is the hardest one to feel
when you’re gone​—​with someone else.
 FOCUS

I’ve loved camera. It’s my passion to take pictures on random things, especially which
are pleasing to the eyes. People would love to take pictures in different sceneries, capture
special memories and frame it within their albums.

The only thing that I would want to be in my album are pictures of you​—​wherever,
whenever it may be.
 HOLD

I wouldn’t want to call myself a selfish lover​—​I just wish to hold you dear.
 BLANK SPACES

For she is the hole

in his head.

For she is the space

in his bed.

For she is the balls

that crossed his eye.

For she is the silence

in his morning.

For she is the wave

of his healing.
 ONCE

Let games play themselves out

than more they can ever amount
more than words
that I could impose.

Let’s waste time​—

‘till the tarot cards flip
‘till the waters run dry
‘till the candles run out.

Let’s lie down together

as the lion
and the lamb does
just this once.
 PLAYGROUND

Let’s make the theater our little playground​—​where we would want to write our dramas
but would end up being classically sweet.
 COFFEE

We will have as much as coffee as you want​—​you love them, so why not?
 YELLOW

Petals of a sunflower
its beauty​—
that is true
leaps unto you.

How you bloom​—

like a warm sun
with a cool breeze
among the fields of green.

How your light morphs

into moonlight’s breeze
and the basking
of the sun.
 COMETS

I would wish to be with you through these stars​—​even for just one second that I would
get to hold you.
 PERFECT

It’s your name. You deserve it. You are never less than this word.
 POETRY

I’m not really good at singing​—​I’ll write you a poem instead and recite it for you in front
of million people. Because, I know you’re the only one who appreciates my words.
 CIGARETTES

I like cigarettes.

You still look better, ​she said.

I’ll stop them to even look better.

Not in terms of physical appearance, but in terms of habits.

If you would also insist.

 SUPERMAN

I’m not a man of steel. I’m not that strong. I’m not that man with a built body. I get ill
most of the times. But, I can show you that I can survive with my own might.
 11:11

My favorite kind of hour​—​where I’m wishing for to be all well.

 HANDS

If only possible​—

As soon as our hand intertwine with each other, the grip is locked. That means my hands
are yours forever.
 SIDE

When everything falls apart, I’ll come and rush to your side. I’ll be your blanket​—
who will hold you calmly with warmth.
 WORDS

I easily forget words but I can never forget yours​—​which gave me strength.
 GIFT

Meeting you was the greatest thing that I can ever wish for my birthdays.
 TIRED

I grew tired of becoming sad and all depressed.

You hated that side of mine.

That’s why I strived so hard to change.

To become close to you again​—

Even if there’s still the barrier that’s holding us both back.

 BARRIER

I don’t need dragons, rocket launchers, tanks to break the barrier between you and me.
I’m willing to take a punch until my hands bleed​—​just to reach you again.
 LOVE

I just love you​—​nothing more, nothing else.

 HEART

Break it into million pieces, I don’t mind. You’ll always be the strength to put it back
together.
 TIME

The times spent with you are unforgettable.

 TIME MACHINE

If I could just have a chance, I'd be wanting to build a time machine. To take myself back to
the day we met and reset for a new start.
 GOODBYES

I know you hate goodbyes. Goodbyes hurt more than saying the three words for the last time.
But, you're the dove and I have to free you from the cage, even if it hurts seeing you fly away.
You have found your right partner. The right man who can make you something that I could
not. Someone who can play Chinese mahjong with your mother. Someone who can live with
you by the sea, like Lang Leav and Michael Faudet—your favorite poets. Someone who can
greet you in the morning with kisses. Someone who can make breakfasts with you. Someone
who can be a pillow next to you. Someone who can hug you everywhere. Someone who can go
with you in both Paris and Vietnam.
 GRATITUDE

It is you. You've asked me what have you done to me. You saved me. My whole life, fully. I
couldn't thank you more. So, I dedicated this whole words and phrases just for you. It's the
least that I can do to express the feelings of mine own love.
 Happy Holidays.

This is the least present that I can give to you.