Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Peer Review
Peer Review
Peer Review
Kathleen has written about her service trip to Jamaica. It is very coherent and although she has
not finished writing about the trip, she has a very strong introduction and in detail describes
1. The dialogue is a great way to start, it is cool and interesting and grabs the readers
attention.
2. The description is very vivid, and I feel like I am there with her on the service trip.
3. I enjoy the longer introduction (structure) because it builds up the excitement to the trip
1. There are many short abrupt sentences, you could try and lengthen them to really
3. Try showing us the story more rather than just telling us, think about taking the reading
along the journey of the mission trip instead of just telling us what happened.
I would suggest the author to go into more detail of the actual mission trip rather than just the
anticipation building up to it. Again, I would suggest taking us along for the ride and show us
what it was like in Jamaica. Given that Kathleen has not entirely finished his essay, I would also
suggest that the ending might describe to us the impact the service trip had on her life, and
what she has maybe done in her life after the trip, in light of what she has learned.
Charlies has written about his experience at a low in the summer. He talks about his experience
of his friend and him running into a garage door of his friend’s house. He talks about his regret
and how it has changed his perspective and made him grow as a person
1. Love the introduction paragraph, Charlie talks about how freshmen year can impact you
2. I love the personal aspect of the essay; Charlie really dives into a personal experience
that has changed his life in many ways. You really get a sense of who he is and what he
3. I really enjoy the way he separated and organized his paragraphs; it works really well
1. There is a lot of grammar and punctuation errors. I would suggest using spell check and
2. The conclusion ends abruptly and there could be more to add about how the church
felt you stole the car, how you hit an all-time low and what happened as a result of it
I would suggest elaborating more on the actual night of the accident. Go into depth about what
happened, how you felt, and what you did as a result of it. I would also suggest telling the
reader how your life has changed since then and what you have done to grow and improve
since then. Given that the essay is not fully written, I would say to elaborate on the conclusion
more and not leave the author hanging with an abrupt ending.