BHARATI HOUSE

​ENGLISH DRAMATICS

THEME:​ ‘BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER’

ADAPTATION​: PYGMALION BY GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Covent Garden at 11.15 p.m. Torrents of heavy summer rain. Cab whistles blowing frantically
in all directions. Pedestrians running for shelter into the market and under the portico of St.
Paul's Church, where there are already several people, among them a lady and her daughter
in evening dress. They are all peering out gloomily at the rain, except one man with his back
turned to the rest, who seems wholly preoccupied with a notebook in which he is writing
busily. The church clock strikes the first quarter.

THE DAUGHTER(CLARA)​ ​[in the space between the central pillars, close to the one on her
left]​ I'm getting chilled to the bone. What can Rusty be doing all this time? He's been gone
twenty minutes.

THE MOTHER(MRS.EYNSFORD HILL)​ Not so long. But he ought to have got us a cab by
this.
[mother is standing on her daughter's right]

A BYSTANDER​ ​[on the lady's right, smoking pipe]​ He won't get no cab, not until half-past
eleven, missus, when they come back after dropping their theatre fares.

THE MOTHER(MRS.EYNSFORD HILL)​ But we must have a cab. We can't stand here until
half-past eleven. It's too bad.

BYSTANDER.​ Well, it ain't my fault, missus. (​shrugs his shoulders)(walks away)

THE DAUGHTER​. If rusty had a bit of gumption, he would have got one at the theatre door.

THE MOTHER(MRS.EYNSFORD HILL).​ What could he have done, poor boy?

THE DAUGHTER(CLARA).​ Other people got cabs. Why couldn't he?

(Rusty rushes in out of the rain from the Southampton Street side and comes between them
closing a dripping umbrella. He is a young man of twenty, in evening dress, very wet around
the ankles.)

THE DAUGHTER(CLARA)​ Well, haven't you got a cab?

(Rusty takes a step back, accidentally crashes with eliza who is rushing past with flower
baskets in hand}

THE FLOWER GIRL(ELIZA).​ Nah then, guy look what' y' gowin, deah.

RUSTY. ​ Sorry
(doesn’t even look at her, brushes past fleetingly; exits stage)

ELIZA​.​[picking up her scattered flowers and replacing them in the basket]​ There's manners
flyer! Te-oo branches of voylets trod into the mad.

[She sits down on the plinth of the column, sorting her flowers, on the lady's right. She is not at
all an attractive person. She is perhaps eighteen, perhaps twenty, hardly older. She wears a
little sailor hat of black straw that has long been exposed to the dust and soot of London and
has seldom if ever been brushed. Her hair needs washing rather badly: its mousy colour can
hardly be natural. She wears a shoddy black coat that reaches nearly to her knees and is
shaped to her waist. She has a brown skirt with a coarse apron. Her boots are much the worse
for wear. She is no doubt as clean as she can afford to be, but compared to the ladies she is
very dirty. Her features are no worse than theirs, but their condition leaves something to be
desired; and she needs the services of a dentist].

THE MOTHER(MRS.EYNSFORD HILL).​Tchk.tchk. How unruly, this brat. Thinks she can
talk us off. Pray, I thank the lord my daughter is my daughter and not a wretch like her.
Humph. Stay away you rag doll not worth playing with.

(looks at Eliza and makes a disgusted face, is very expressive, is moving her hands about in the
air)

ELIZA.​ Ow, eez ye-ooa san, is e? Wal, fewd dan y' de-ooty bawmz a mather should, need
now better to spawn a pore gel's farzin than ran away at baht pyin. Will ye-oo py me'them?
[Here, with apologies, this desperate attempt to represent her dialect without a phonetic
alphabet must be abandoned as unintelligible outside London.]

THE DAUGHTER(CLARA).​ Aah mother. I think we’ve just chanced upon a madwoman. let’s
buy a bunch for a dollar. I fancy the lady.

ELIZA​.​[hopefully, suddenly can enunciate better]​ I can give you change for a tanner, kind
lady.

THE MOTHER ​[to Clara]​ Give it to me. ​[Clara parts reluctantly]​. Now ​[to the girl]​ This is for
your flowers.

THE FLOWER GIRL.​ Thank you kindly, lady.

{slightly touches the lady’s hand, the mother gets all jumpy and throws the dollars/ coins on
the ground. }

THE MOTHER. ​Tch. this downtrodden piece of gutter dirt flowing down the old town road.
I hope I don't get the flu.

(The flower girl picks up the money from the ground turns around and in an attempt to throw
it on the face…….

​ n elderly gentleman of the amiable military type rushes into the shelter, and closes a
A
dripping umbrella. He is in the same plight as Rusty, very wet about the ankles. He is in
evening dress, with a light overcoat, closes his umbrella))

THE GENTLEMAN.​ ​(HIGGINS).​Phew!

THE MOTHER(MRS. EYNSFORD HILL​)​[to the gentleman] ​Oh, sir, is there any sign of its
stopping?

THE GENTLEMAN(HIGGINS).​ I'm afraid not. It started worse than ever about two minutes
ago. ​[He goes to the plinth beside the flower girl; puts up his foot on it; and stoops to turn
down his trouser ends].

ELIZA.​If it's worse, it's a sign it's nearly over. So cheer up, Captain; and buy a flower off a
poor girl.
[taking advantage of the military gentleman's proximity to establish friendly relations with
him, gives a side glance to Pickering/mysterious man who is resting and the man touches his
hat, pulls it further down and as if on cue, starts speaking)

THE GENTLEMAN​. I'm sorry, I haven't any change but I can surely bring about a change in
this disgrace to society.
(scrutinizing Eliza by scanning her from the top to bottom, giving disgusted looks)

ELIZA​.​ I can give you change, Captain. But I am a good girl, I am. I ain't-a disgrace you
faggot. Sorry, sir. (​slaps herself as if suddenly realizing her mistake)

(Higgins makes a super weird facial expression but the lady taps his paunch with her
umbrella and his open mouth is shut)

MRS.EYNSFORD HILL.​oh sir! Don’t you think too highly of yourself? You think you can
transform this weasel into a damsel!? Well, I pity your high handed tongue captain. She’s a
bird from the swamps. A crow. We are the elite. We are falcons, we rule the skies.

ELIZA.​ Poor girl I am. Hard enough for her to live without being worrited and chivied.

CLARA​. I’M leaving to look for rusty. Must be somewhere around.

(no one pays heed to her, all the while she is adjusting her hair and rubbing her nails against
each other )
(Clara walks off, exits the stage from the left, lifting her skirts as if there are lots of water
puddles on the ground)

THE GENTLEMAN(HIGGINS).​ ​(asking Eliza)​How do you do it, if I may ask? How can you
speak in such English?
Tchk! A shame to call this English. As a man of science and language, and also the greatest
phonetician alive, not forgetting the wealthiest, I take this as absolute gibberish, whatever
you are speaking.

ELIZA.​ Let him mind his own business and leave a poor girl—

(Higgins cuts her off in between)

HIGGINS.​ Well. enough said. Don’t speak another word in that godforsaken accent.

(Pickering/mysterious man is watching all this from a distance)

(suddenly gets up, dusts himself, hides his face from a cap )

PICKERING/ MYSTERIOUS MAN.​(with lofty claims and a heavy voice)(speaking to Higgins)

Captain, if you proclaim and sign a bet to prove your ability that you will pass this measly
little weasel off as a duchess this spring, I'll take all your researches under my angel
funding and publish in the newspapers that you are the greatest phonetician alive.

MRS.EYNSFORD HILL.​ heh. Heh. you'll pass her off as a duchess you say. Well, sir, she ain't
a bird of the same feather, how doth she flock together?

HIGGINS. ​(Ignoring Mrs. hill)​ Mark my words sir. This crow is going to be a cuckoo soon. I
take your challenge. But who the hell doth you.

PICKERING/MM.​ ​I’m the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy. Today I am just
a name. Tomorrow a legend. And I can make you one too.

ELIZA. ​My life this ios. You two rich filthy betting decisions. The flowers wilt without my
presence. I ain't a bird of any feather. I'm a rose in my own garden. Aye captain! A good girl
I am.

HIGGINS.​ No one act for your peevish judgement aye. You are nothing but a rag off the
street and soon you're gonna be turned into a wall hanging in a rich man’s house.

(THE mysterious man shadows Eliza and picks up a flower and puts it in her basket as if on
cue and then suddenly departs.)

ELIZA​. ​[with feeble defiance]​ I have a right to be here if I like, same as you. But now you are
talking. Aye captain. Lemme be your rag. What can I saw, I'm downright downtrodden just
a poor flower girl. A crime to be low caste and a girl. Your wish my command aye.

HIGGINS.​ You woman, Remember that you are a human being with a soul and the divine
gift of articulate speech: that your native language is the language of Shakespeare and
Milton and The Bible; and don't sit there crooning like a bilious pigeon.

ELIZA​. ​[quite overwhelmed, and looking up at him in mingled wonder and deprecation
without daring to raise her head]​ Ah—ah— ah—ow—ow—oo! Ah
—ah—ah—ow—ow—ow—oo!
(​sings birds of a feather)
[tickled by the performance, and laughing in spite of herself]

ELIZA. ​Garn! You see this creature with her kerbstone English: the English that will keep
her in the gutter to the end of her days. Well, sir, in three months If I could pass off as a
duchess at an ambassador's garden party then I could even get her a place as lady's maid or
shop assistant, which requires better English.

MRS.EYNSFORD HILL.​ ​(pokes her umbrella around )​ well, I've got tons to do. And who
wouldn't want to win a bet off Higgins? Fancy the birds of a feather. Hmph. she could never
flock together.

HIGGINS.​(giving Mrs. hill the looks and rolling his eyes as if ignoring on purpose) (talks to
​ e there at Carlton Street, 22 at 11 am tomorrow. And you shall be trained under the
Eliza) B
greatest phonetician alive. (raises his collar upwards)

(The church clock strikes the second quarter.)

(jack rolls ACT II)

(enter Mrs Pearce)

[Mrs. Pearce looks in: she is Higgins's housekeeper]

HIGGINS. ​What's the matter?

​ young woman wants to see you, sir.

MRS. PEARCE​ ​[hesitating, evidently perplexed] A

HIGGINS.​ A young woman! What does she want?

(​acts shockingly impressed)

MRS. PEARCE.​ Well, sir, she says you'll be glad to see her when you know what she's come
about. She's quite a common girl, sir. Very common indeed. I should have sent her away,
only I thought perhaps you wanted her to talk into your machines. I hope I've not done
wrong, but really you see such queer people sometimes—you'll excuse me, I'm sure, sir—
(speaks all this very fast)

HIGGINS. ​(cutting her off) ​Oh, that's all right, Mrs Pearce. Has she an interesting accent?
 MRS. PEARCE. ​Oh, something dreadful, sir, really. I don't know how you can take an
interest in it.

HIGGINS.​Let's have her up. Show her up, Mrs Pearce

MRS. PEARCE​ ​[returning] ​This is the young woman, sir.

( The flower girl enters in the state. She has a hat with three ostrich feathers, orange, sky-blue,
and red. She has a nearly clean apron, and the shoddy coat has been tidied a little. )

(Higgins looks up and down at her, Mrs Pearce watches in amazement and settles off the dust
from while mumbling things to herself)

HIGGINS.​WELL!!! [Recovering his breath with a gasp] What do you expect me to say to
you?

ELIZA.​ Well, if you were a gentleman, you might ask me to sit down, I think. Don't I tell you
I'm bringing you a business?

(enter Freddy)

FREDDY.​ Father!
(enters in a jumpy, excited mood)

HIGGINS.​ ​(turning to Freddy asks him):​ shall we ask this baggage to sit down or shall we
throw her out of the window?

​ h—ah—ah—ow—ow—ow—oo!​ [Wounded and

ELIZA.​[running away in terror)A
whimpering]

(Motionless, the two men stare at her from the other side of the room, amazed. )

ELIZA.​I a good girl I am. I want to be a lady in a flower shop stead of selling at the corner
of Tottenham Court Road. But they won't take me unless I can talk more genteel. He said he
could teach me. Well, he's in for a bet a man with a hat. He wins then some title he gets
something. —not asking any favors—and he treats me as if I was dirt.
 ​ on't you sit down?
. FREDDY​ ​[very courteous] W

ELIZA. ​[coyly]​ Don't mind if I do.

[She sits down. Freddy returns to the hearthrug].

HIGGINS.​ humph. What's your name?

ELIZA.​ Liza Doolittle.

HIGGINS​ ​[declaiming gravely]​ Eliza, Elizabeth, Betsy and Bess, They went to the woods to
get a bird's nest'

FREDDY. ​(excitement)​They found a nest with four eggs in it:

​HIGGINS.​ They took one apiece and left three in it.

(They laugh heartily at their own wit.)

ELIZA.​ Oh, don't be silly.

(Eliza slaps herself)​You mustn't speak to the gentleman like that. ​(asks FREDDY)​ Well, why
won't he speak sensibly to me?

HIGGINS.​ Come back to business.​[tempted, looking at her]​ It's almost irresistible. She's so
deliciously low—so horribly dirty— ​(all while as if speaking to himself and acting out to
FREDDY)

ELIZA.​[protesting extremely]​ Ah—ah—ah—ah—ow—ow—oooo!!! I ain't dirty: I washed

my face and hands afore I come, I did.

HIGGINS​ [becoming excited as the idea grows on him]​ What is life but a series of inspired
follies? The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn't come every day. I
shall make a duchess of this draggle-tailed guttersnipe.

ELIZA.​ Ah—ah—ow—oo! Where shall this girl live? No use explaining. As a military man,
you ought to know that. Give her orders: that's what she wants.
( Eliza, speaking to herself)
you are to live here for the next six months, learning how to speak beautifully, like a lady in
a florist's shop. If you're good and do whatever you're told, you shall sleep in a proper
bedroom, and have lots to eat, and money to buy chocolates and take rides in taxis. If you're
naughty and idle you will sleep in the back kitchen among the black beetles, and be
walloped by with a broomstick.

ELIZA.​ ​( suddenly takes a deep breath and asks After jumping right in front of Higgins)
Excuse the straight question, captain. Are you a man of good character where women are
concerned?

HIGGINS​ ​[moodily] H
​ ave you ever met a man of good character where women are
concerned?

FREDDY.​I find that the moment I let a woman make friends with me, she becomes jealous,
exacting, suspicious, and a damned nuisance. I find that the moment I let myself make
friends with a woman, I become selfish and tyrannical.

HIGGINS.​ Women upset everything. When you let them into your life, you find that the
woman is driving at one thing and you're driving at another.

FREDDY.
At what, for example?
(he asks Higgins but Eliza interferes and answers)

ELIZA.​ Oh, Lord knows! I suppose the woman wants to live her own life, and the man wants
to live his, and each tries to drag the other on to the wrong track. One wants to go north
and the other south; and the result is that both have to go east, though they both hate the
east wind.

HIGGINS.​( sits down on the bench at the keyboard].as horrid as you sound. I'm not going to
listen to another word of that gibberish. So as of now, here I am, a confirmed old bachelor,
and likely to remain so.

(to Freddy )​I've taught scores of American millionairesses how to speak English: the
best-looking women in the world. I'm seasoned.
(To Eliza).​ Now say. The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
ELIZA​. Oh, that’s easeeee. Thae rayn ain spain states menlee ain the payne.

FREDDY.​ ​(to Higgins).​ She talks English almost as you talk French.

(breaks into broken laughter)

HIGGINS.​ Ta gueule, batard. ​(shut up bastard in French)

That's satisfactory, at all events.

ELIZA​.Well, it is and it isn't. Thae rayn ain spain states menlee ain the payne.
Thae rayn ain spain states menlee ain the payne.

(2 months later, jock rolls past)

HIGGINS.​(facing the audience)​ Friends, Romans and countrymen.

You see, I've got her pronunciation all right, but you have to consider not only how a girl
pronounces, but what she pronounces, and that's where
--

(Eliza interrupts)

ELIZA. ​The fault, Mr. Higgins, lies not in the stars but within ourselves, for we are
underlings.

HIGGINS.​ Is that Shakespeare you just insulted using your accent! May the holy lord bless
thee.

ELIZA.​ ​But, for my own part, it was Greek to me. Just like Julius Caesar said so. I have
picked up a fair share from the convent courses for nuns, I'm a good girl, I am.
(Higgins has an awed expression, unable to believe)

FREDDY. ​This is very midsummer madness. More of a midsummer’s night dream.

I hope this one comes true.

HIGGINS. ​Hath shall not quote Shakespeare. This is absolutely flabbergasting. The rain in
Spain stays mainly in the plain. Now focus.
ELIZA. ​Aye, aye captain. ​What is life but a series of inspired follies? The difficulty is to find
them to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn’t come every day.

HIGGINS. ​That’s an added. Where did that come from?

ELIZA. ​I'm a good girl I am. I peeked through your library. Too heavy the books are.
Dropped them almost on my feet.

HIGGINS.​(interrupts her)​ you think i have the time to hear you rant. Off with it. I'll believe
you to be becoming of an actual lady if you can say this. Make it your bible. In Hertford,
Hereford and Hampshire hurricanes hardly ever happen.

ELIZA. ​“I sold flowers. I didn't sell myself. Now you've made a lady of me I'm not fit to sell
anything else.”​ (STARTS SPEAKING IN A DISGRUNTLED TONE)
In Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire hurricanes hardly ever happen.

HIGGINS.​ Ayeee. Enunciate. Properly. the way my Freddy says e-l-i-z-a. Looking at his son
and raising his eyebrows.
(Freddy blushes, calls out Eliza once again)

ELIZA. ​(Rolls her eyes)​ ELIZA IT IS. anyway, in Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire
hurricanes hardly ever happen.​(emphasizes on each syllable)

(ELIZA KEEPS HUMMING IN THE BACKGROUND, HIGGINS AND FREDDY FADE OUT.)

(TIME FOR THE GREAT BALL, THE JACK COMES TUMBLING IN AND ANNOUNCES THE
SCENE)

(ELIZA ENTERS GRACEFULLY, UMBRELLA AND FAN IN HAND)

(ENTERS HAND IN HAND WITH HIGGINS, FREDDY IS HOLDING HER GOWN FROM BEHIND
AND IS LOOKING LOVESTRUCK)

ELIZA.​ [speaking with pedantic correctness of pronunciation and great beauty of tone] H ​ ow
do you do, your highness?
[She gasps slightly in making sure of the H in Highness, but is quite successful].​ Mr Higgins
told me I might accompany him to the ball.
THE KING. ​[​cordially]​ Quite right: I'm very glad indeed to see you.
I feel sure we have met before, Miss Doolittle. I remember your eyes. ​(lingers on her hand
after taking it for a moment too long)

ELIZA.​ (blushing at his comment)H ​ ow do you do?​ [She sits down on the ottoman gracefully
in the place just left vacant by Higgins].

(suddenly Mrs. Eynsford hill marches in rage seeing a girl having a conversation with the
king)

MRS. EYNSFORD HILL​ ​[introducing]​ My daughter Clara.

​ ow do you do?
ELIZA​. ​(acting as if she hasn’t recognized)H

CLARA​ [impulsively]​ How do you do? ​[She sits down on the ottoman beside Eliza, devouring
her with her eyes].

FREDDY ​[coming to their side of the ottoman](and squeezing in while he is jealous of the king
flirting with Eliza)

MRS. EYNSFORD HILL​. ​(at last, breaking the tension)]​ Will it rain, do you think?
(Eliza on a cue from Higgins)

ELIZA. ​(getting happy)​the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain. The shallow depression in
the west of these islands is likely to move slowly in an easterly direction. There are no
indications of any great change in the barometrical situation.

(Freddy turns towards his father and gives him an impressive look)

MRS. EYNSFORD HILL.​ I'm sure I hope it won't turn cold. My maid needs to get married to
the town mayor. Silly choice. The poor girl just earns 20 shillings a week. and may god
forbid hurricanes.

ELIZA.​ In ​hertford, hereford and hampshire hurricanes hardly ever happen. But it's the
poor that suffer you see, for the weak may not be admired and hero-worshipped; but they
are by no means disliked or shunned; and they never seem to have the least difficulty in
marrying people who are too good for them. They may fail in emergencies, but life is not
one long emergency: it is mostly a string of situations for which no exceptional strength is
needed, and with which even rather weak people can cope if they have a stronger partner
to help them out.”

​ hem!
HIGGINS​ [rising and looking at his watch] A

LIZA ​[looking around at him; taking the hint; and rising]​ Well: I must go.​ [They all rise.
Freddy goes to the door].​ So pleased to have met you. Goodbye. ​[She shakes hands with the
people, bows to the king while he takes her hand)

THE KING.​ fair lady! Honour this man by telling the place of residence of this Duchess. It
would be a privilege to drop by for tea if the Duchess wishes.

(Eliza gently smiles, HIGGINS STARTS HAVING COUGHING FITS UPON HEARING “DUCHESS’)

HIGGINS.​ ​(to the king, getting flustered)​ your highness, I’ll duly send it to you. It's time for
us to take leave for we might not get a taxi later in the night.

(-----------------------------------other characters leave, jack bounces)

(MYSTERY MAN REAPPEARS)

ELIZA. ​Hahhh. Doth no more a flower girl. I a duchess.

FREDDY.​ I can’t believe you are the same lady who charmed everyone in there.
A duchess for sure.

ELIZA. ​(SUDDENLY GETTING SERIOUS AND BACK TO BEING POISED)

I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins because he always treats me as a flower
girl, and always will; but I know I can be a lady to you, because you always treat me as a
lady, and always will.”

HIGGINS.​ To the end of The hardest job I ever tackled. (​imagines clinking glasses of
champagne)
. But you flower girl, have no idea how frightfully interesting it is to take a human being
and change her into a quite different human being by creating a new speech for her. More
like taming a parrot. Speak my bird. Flock together. You are now an elite.
ELIZA.​ (gives a stern expression and starts laughing hysterically) ME can go her own way,
with all the advantages you have given I. ​I sold flowers. I didn't sell myself. Now you've
made a lady of me I'm not fit to sell anything else.”

Birds of a feather flock together! I ain't ever one, neither can I be. I’M one of a kind.
(suddenly changes her voice, tears apart her dress and wig)

Because I am a man. Not a woman you can undermine and sell to satisfy your own male
ego. I am a man. A good man I am. I represent all genders. I’m the bird of every feather.
I, myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”

(Higgins gives a shocked expression, Freddy is puzzled)

HIGGINS. ​ Why doth you changed yourself into a woman! A beautiful one at that! A
gentleman would have worked better. It's a man's world. We rule.

PICKERING/MYSTERIOUS MAN.​ ​(suddenly barges between both)W ​ e've begun to raise

daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our
daughters.”

HIGGINS. ​Where did you come from? You see, I won the bet anyway.

PICKERING/ MM​. you see, the point is not winning the bet​(removes his cap)​ the point is
realizing your deeds.

HIGGINS​. Pickering, my runaway son!! I never knew you could do this to me.

PICKERING.​I’m a feminist and a socialist and believe in equality for all. Birds of the same
feather! Hah! This is why I ran away and met Elliot in grammar school. A perfect way to get
back at you. I don’t flock with misogynists. I represent the downtrodden of society. You
can’t make me one of your snooty kinds by teaching me the great things that define
aristocracy. Language is for all, not just for a few of you privileged cuckoos who think the
crows will just pass off as imposters.we are not birds of the same feather, we are one of a
kind.

FREDDY.​ Why did you break my heart? Did I fall in love with a man? Someone of my own
kind? ​(hits his head and scratches it)
ELIZA.​ Love? Love you say. It’s all a mirage. Inside us, there is something that has no name,
that something is what we are.
The great secret, you see, the flock should see is not having bad manners or good manners
or any other particular sort of manners, but having the same manner for all human souls: in
short, behaving as if we're in Heaven, where there are no third-class carriages, and one soul
is as good as another.”

We are all individual beings. Your flock ain’t worth flocking. To rise, the birds must fly. And
you, with the rest of your flock, shall fall.

(Pickering throws the bucket of red water /colour over them and himself/herself pours white
upon her/him.)
(after this all of them fall down on their knees and Eliza spreads her arms wide and looks
towards the sky, Pickering in front, on his knees)