Module – 1 and 2

Self Awareness

One of the most important factors in building your self esteem and confidence is your self awareness.
But what exactly is it, why is it important and how can you become more self aware?

Being self aware knows:

 what you want in your life

 your strengths and weaknesses
 what motivates you and makes you happy
 what you want to change about yourself or about your life
 your goal how far
 how you relate to others
 you need to improve as a person
 your most important beliefs and values
 how you see yourself as a person

There are other factors that could be added. The last one above has a direct relation to your sense of
self value and self esteem.

Why is self awareness important?

If you want to change your life in any way you need to know yourself before you can act. You need to
know what you need to do to head in the right direction and you can't do that until you know yourself.

In addition, being self aware will mean that you will be better able to choose a suitable career which will
satisfy you. Self awareness can enrich your life because you can then move closer to living your values
and realizing your dreams.

Becoming self aware does not mean being selfish though. Discovering the inner you will enable you to
give more of yourself to others and this will benefit your relationships as well as helping to build your
self esteem and confidence as you become truer to yourself.

Techniques of Self Awareness

The Johari Window, named after the first names of its inventors, Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, is one
of the most useful models describing the process of self awareness and human interaction.
A four paned "window," as illustrated above, divides personal awareness into four different types, as
represented by its four quadrants: open, hidden, blind, and unknown. The lines dividing the four panes
are like window shades, which can move as an interaction progresses.

In this model, each person is represented by their own window. Let's describe mine:

1. The "open" quadrant represents things that both I know about myself, and that you know about
me. For example, I know my name, and so do you. The knowledge that the window represents,
can include not only factual information, but my feelings, motives, behaviors, wants, needs and
desires... indeed, any information describing who I am. When I first meet a new person, the size
of the opening of this first quadrant is not very large, since there has been little time to
exchange information. As the process of getting to know one another continues, the window
shades move down or to the right, placing more information into the open window, as
described below.
2. The "blind" quadrant represents things that you know about me, but that I am unaware of. So,
for example, we could be eating at a restaurant, and I may have unknowingly gotten some food
on my face. This information is in my blind quadrant because you can see it, but I cannot. If you
now tell me that I have something on my face, then the window shade moves to the right,
enlarging the open quadrant's area. Now, I may also have blindspots with respect to many other
much more complex things. For example, perhaps in our ongoing conversation, you may notice
that eye contact seems to be lacking. You may not say anything, since you may not want to
embarrass me, or you may draw your own inferences that perhaps I am being insincere. Then
the problem is, how can I get this information out in the open, since it may be affecting the level
of trust that is developing between us? How can I learn more about myself? Unfortunately,
there is no readily available answer. I may notice a slight hesitation on your part, and perhaps
this may lead to a question. But who knows if I will pick this up, or if your answer will be on the
mark.
3. The "hidden" quadrant represents things that I know about myself, that you do not know. So for
example, I have not told you, nor mentioned e.g., my favourite ice cream. This information is in
my "hidden" quadrant. As soon as I tell you that I love "Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia" flavored
ice cream, I am effectively pulling the window shade down, moving the information in my
hidden quadrant and enlarging the open quadrant's area. Again, there are vast amounts of
information, virtually my whole life's story, that has yet to be revealed to you. As we get to
know and trust each other, I will then feel more comfortable disclosing more intimate details
about myself. This process is called: "Self-disclosure."
 4. The "unknown" quadrant represents things that neither I know about myself, nor you know
about me. For example, I may disclose a dream that I had, and as we both attempt to
understand its significance, a new awareness may emerge, known to neither of us before the
conversation took place. Being placed in new situations often reveal new information not
previously known to self or others.

Components of Self:

A. Self Confidence

Self-confidence is the confidence one has in oneself, one’s knowledge, and one’s abilities. It is
the confidence of the type: "I can do this". " I have the ability to do this". Self-confidence is the
one thing that is much more important than many other abilities and traits. If you do not have
self-confidence, what you do will never become fruitful at all. The fruits of what you do without
self-confidence are lost.

1. Dress Sharp

Although clothes don’t make the man, they certainly affect the way he feels about himself. No
one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it
changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by
taking care of your personal appearance. In most cases, significant improvements can be made
by bathing and shaving frequently, wearing clean clothes, and being cognizant of the latest
styles.

This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as
much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select,
high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less
easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in
your closet.

2. Walk Faster

One of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about herself is to examine her walk. Is it
slow? tired? painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly.
They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you aren’t in a hurry,
you can increase your self confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will
make to you look and feel more important.

3. Good Posture

Similarly, the way a person carries herself tells a story. People with slumped shoulders and
lethargic movements display a lack of self confidence. They aren’t enthusiastic about what
they’re doing and they don’t consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll
automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact.
You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

4. Personal Commercial

One of the best ways to build confidence is listening to a motivational speech. Unfortunately,
opportunities to listen to a great speaker are few and far between. You can fill this need by
creating a personal commercial. Write a 30-60 second speech that highlights your strengths and
goals. Then recite it in front of the mirror aloud (or inside your head if you prefer) whenever you
need a confidence boost.

5. Gratitude

When you focus too much on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it.
This leads you to dwell on your weaknesses. The best way to avoid this is consciously focusing
on gratitude. Set aside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for.
Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum. You’ll
be amazed how much you have going for you and motivated to take that next step towards
success.

6. Compliment other people

When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form
of insults and gossip. To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people.
Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In
the process, you’ll become well liked and build self confidence. By looking for the best in others,
you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.

7. Sit in the front row

In schools, offices, and public assemblies around the world, people constantly strive to sit at the
back of the room. Most people prefer the back because they’re afraid of being noticed. This
reflects a lack of self confidence. By deciding to sit in the front row, you can get over this
irrational fear and build your self confidence. You’ll also be more visible to the important people
talking from the front of the room.

8. Speak up

During group discussions many people never speak up because they’re afraid that people will
judge them for saying something stupid. This fear isn’t really justified. Generally, people are
much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears.
By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better
public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.

9. Work out

Along the same lines as personal appearance, physical fitness has a huge effect on self
confidence. If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By
working out, you improve your physcial appearance, energize yourself, and accomplish
something positive. Having the discipline to work out not only makes you feel better, it creates
positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day.

10. Focus on contribution

Too often we get caught up in our own desires. We focus too much on ourselves and not enough
on the needs of other people. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the
contribution you’re making to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about you own
flaws. This will increase self confidence and allow you to contribute with maximum efficiency.
The more you contribute to the world the more you’ll be rewarded with personal success and
recognition.
 B. Self Image - what does it mean?
Self image is how you see yourself. This may be how you see yourself physically or your
opinion of who and what you are which is normally called self concept. It is important as it
affects your self esteem and confidence.

Self image includes:

 What you think you look like

 How you see your personality
 What kind of person you think you are
 What you believe others think of you
 How much you like yourself or you think others like you
 The status you feel you have

What can you do to improve your Self Image?


 Change negative thoughts to positive ones by focusing on the positive and forgetting the
negative things that happen to you
 Remember compliments and note them down
 Question whether your view of yourself is accurate. and why you see yourself like you do
 Make changes that will help you ;for example, clothes, appearance, hair style and behaviour
 Accept things about yourself that are true.
 Get exercise - you will look and feel better!
 Accept criticism constructively so you can move forward and improve yourself

What is your Personal Identity?

Your personal identity is the way that you see yourself and is closely related to your self image.
It is very important to you because it will affect the way you feel about yourself and how you
behave in challenging situations. Your personal identity includes:

Who are you?

What makes you unique?

What are your values?

Your physical identity (what you think you look like to others) also known as body
image

Your internal identity (who you think you are in terms of your personality and character,
values etc.)

How you see yourself in relation to others

How you identify yourself in terms of your job

Your personal goals

The most important thing to realize about your personal identity is that it can be close to how
other people see you in which case you will be at harmony with the world and others around you
or it can be very different from how others see you and so you may feel you are misunderstood
and you feel life is battle to make others appreciate who you are.

C. Self Concept

Self-concept has been defined as: "ones self-identity, a schema, consisting of an organized
collection of beliefs and feelings about oneself"; as "ones sense of 'me' identity, as "I"; and as
"a cognitive appraisal of our physical, social, and academic competence."So, is one's self
concept one's self-image? One's self-identity? The "Me"? The "I"? Or a self- appraisal

Type of Self Concept

A. Positive Self Concept

B. Negative Self Concept

Module 3

What does self image have to do with self esteem?

Self Esteem is how you feel about yourself. Image is about how you see yourself and how you
believe others see you. They are closely connected because if you have a poor opinion of
yourself your self esteem will be low
 High Self Esteem Low Self Esteem

1. Creative 1. Rigidity

2. Independence 2. Defensiveness

3. Flexibility 3. Self Doubt

4. Ability to manage change 4. Negativity

5. Admitting to Mistake 5. Blindness to Reality

6. Optimism 6. Fear

7. Accepting criticism 7. Inability to accept criticism

8. Openness to new ideas 8. Inability to accept new Ideas

BUILDING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM

People with healthy self-esteem are able to feel good about themselves, appreciate their own worth, and
take pride in their abilities, skills, and accomplishments. People with low self-esteem may feel as if no one
will like them or accept them, or that they can't do well in anything.

Having positive self-esteem is the first step towards happiness and a better life. Self-esteem improves our
confidence. If we have confidence, we will reach out for new challenges and will improve our relationships.
Low self-esteem, on the other hand, can cause us to be unhappy and insecure.

The good news is that self-image changes over time. So if you feel that you are suffering from low self-
esteem, you can take steps to improve it. Here are a few things that you can do right away, everyday, to
enhance your self-esteem:

ACCEPT YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE

No one is perfect. Instead of thinking about what you are lacking, consider what is unique about you. It is said
that the greatest achievement is successful self-acceptance. You will find that you are most comfortable with
others if you are comfortable with yourself.

FACE YOUR FEARS

Fears can be real or imagined. Two of our most common fears are the twin evils of failure and rejection.
Assess your fears carefully. If your fear is real, then expand your resources and strategies to deal with it. If
your fear is imagined, analyze what is stopping you from getting what you want in life.

LEARN FROM YOUR FAILURES

Don’t take failures or rejections too seriously. It is not the end of the world if you fail. Einstein once said,
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” So look at the positives in each
failure; you can learn from it and improve next time.
Think back to the time you learned to ride a bicycle. You probably fell several times, but with each fall,
you’d have gotten up and brushed off the dust. Before you knew it, you’d become pretty good at it. The
same applies here. You have to work on your skills to overcome your failures. See failure or rejection as a
part of life.

FORGET ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE BEYOND YOUR CONTROL

Being preoccupied with things in life that you cannot control (such as the weather, the traffic, other people’s
attitudes and problems, etc.) will stress you out. You can relieve yourself of a lot of stress by letting go of
these unnecessary worries. Rather, shift your attention to things that you can take charge of. Perhaps you
cannot control the situation, but you can control your own response to it and how you want it to affect you
for the rest of your life.

TRY NEW THINGS

Experiment with different activities that will help you get in touch with your talents and take pride in new
skills you develop.

Why should self esteem matter to you?

 Self esteem can be the difference between success and failure

 Esteem can affect your thinking, causing your outlook to be positive or negative

 Esteem affects your confidence

 It affects your self image

 If you do not value yourself how will you be able to value others?

 Self esteem enables you to have the right attitude to succeed at work

 It affects your happiness

Module – 4 and 5

First it was Intelligence quotient – IQ. Formulated by psychologists like Alfred Binet and later
conceptualized by psychologist William Stern,IQ includes qualities like analytical skills, logical
reasoning, ability to relate multiple things, and ability to store and retrieve information. IQ tests
check this through various questions related to reading comprehension, data interpretation,
logical reasoning, verbal ability, visual-spatial reasoning, classification, analogies and pattern-
detection.

Then came Emotional Intelligence – EQ. Conceptualized by psychologists like Michael

Beldoch and later popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman,EQ includes some key
competencies which then have further subheads viz. self-awareness which includes emotional
awareness, self-assessment & self-confidence; self-regulation which includes self-control,
trustworthiness, conscientiousness, adaptability & innovativeness; self-motivation which
includes drive, commitment, initiative & optimism; social awareness which includes empathy,
service orientation, developing others, leveraging diversity, and political awareness; and social
skills which include influence, communication, leadership, change management, conflict
management and cooperation

Social intelligence is ability of a person to tune into other people’s emotions and read the subtle
behavioral cues to choose the most effective response in a given situation”.And Social
Intelligence will be the future! The reason is simple. Well! Every interpersonal interaction has an
emotional subtext to it. And most of that emotional undertone gets manifested less through
words and more through the nonverbal behaviors like gestures, expressions, postures, vocal cues
or for that matter, the way one has shaped one’s personal environment.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence Quotient is defined as a set of competencies demonstrating the ability one
has to recognize his or her behaviors, moods, and impulses, and to manage them best according
to the situation..

Daniel Goleman has suggested that there are five components of EQ:

1. Knowing our own emotions: Emotions are termed as powerful reactions. It means to say that
everyone should be aware of his emotions. However, this is not the case. It has been proved that some
are highly aware of their emotional side of life, and others are perfectly oblivious to their emotions. It
has some serious implications for day-to-day life. If one is not aware of his emotions how can one make
a judgment like whom to marry, whom to date with, or which car to buy. Second, it has been observed
that when one is not has any inkling about one’s emotions then they are found to be low in
expressiveness. Expressiveness means showing your expressions through facial expressions, body
language, and other gestures. Lack of expressiveness hurts in terms of interpersonal relationships since,
other people will find it tough to decipher the inner world of that person. Hence, being aware of one’s
emotions is a must.

2. Managing your own emotions: In day-to-day life, often we try to manage our emotions. It is like
regulating the nature, intensity and expression of concerned emotions. For example, if we don’t get
expected grade in the examination, we try to remain calm before our parents, nevertheless, the
emotions running behind our face is not good. Managing emotions is very much important for your
mental health and for keeping your interaction with others efficient.

3. Motivating ourselves: To get something special in our life, one thing that matters most is self
motivation. Motivating oneself to work hard and be on right direction is one of the main aspects of
Emotional Intelligence. Being high in this can give surprising results for any individual.
4. Recognizing and influencing others’ emotions: This relates to the ability to understand others
exactly. It is to recognize their mood and the emotions that they had at any point of time. As life
experience says, this ability is very much valuable in practical settings. For example, understanding
others’ mood and emotions exactly can say us whether it is the right time or not to ask for a favor.

5. Handling relationship: Handling relationship is the most important point of strong interpersonal
relationship. We have seen many people who handle relationship very well and in the process become
successful. On the other hand, some people make a total mess of their interpersonal relationship. This is
the basic difference between having good EQ and not. A person with high EQ will always handle
relationship in optimum way.

Negative emotions are, for example: apathy, grief, fear, hatred, shame, blame, regret,
resentment, anger, hostility. Criticized, Disrespected, Embarrassed, Humiliated, Inferior,
Insulted

Positive emotions are, for example: interest, enthusiasm, boredom, laughter, empathy, action,
curiosity, love, Aware, Awesome, Balanced, and Beautiful, Believing, Blessed, Blissful, Brave,
Bright, Brilliant, Calm, And Capable

Avoiding Unhealthy Emotional Reactions:

1. Avoid aggressive or bullying behavior.

2. Notice if you are acting passive or avoidant.
3. Pay attention to your body when you're feeling overwhelmed.
4. Check in with friends and family about your behavior.
5. Notice how long your emotional reaction lasts

Coping with Challenges/ Healthy expression of emotion:

1. Embrace your emotions.
2.
Be resilient
3. Have strong emotional boundaries.
4. Communicate how you feel in an assertive way
5. Be vulnerable with those you trust
6. Be aware of others' feelings.

Importance of Emotions

Survival

Nature developed our emotions over millions of years of evolution. As a result, our emotions have the
potential to serve us today as a delicate and sophisticated internal guidance system. Our emotions alert
us when natural human need is not being met. For example, when we feel lonely, our need for
connection with other people is unmet. When we feel afraid, our need for safety is unmet. When we
feel rejected, it is our need for acceptance which is unmet.

Decision Making

Our emotions are a valuable source of information. Our emotions help us make decisions. Studies show
that when a person’s emotional connections are severed in the brain, he can not make even simple
decisions. Why? Because he doesn’t know how he will feel about his choices.

Predicting Behavior

Our feelings are also useful in helping us predict our own, and others’ behavior.

Communication

Our emotions help us communicate with others. Our facial expressions, for example, can convey a wide
range of emotions. If we look sad or hurt, we are signaling to others that we need their help. If we are
verbally skilled we will be able to express more of our emotional needs and thereby have a better
chance of filling them. If we are effective at listening to the emotional troubles of others, we are better
able to help them feel understood, important and cared about.

Happiness

The only real way to know that we are happy is when we feel happy. When we feel happy, we feel
content and fulfilled. This feeling comes from having our needs met, particularly our emotional needs.
We can be warm, dry, and full of food, but still unhappy. Our emotions and our feelings let us know
when we are unhappy and when something is missing or needed. The better we can identify our
emotions, the easier it will be to determine what is needed to be happy.

Managing your Emotions:

Strong emotions are both a cause of, and a result of conflict. People in conflict may have a
variety of strong and often negative emotions--anger, distrust, disappointment, frustration,
confusion, worry, or fear. These emotions often mask the substantive issues in dispute. However,
the emotions, too, are real and must be dealt with.

1) Recognize and understand your own emotions as well as your opponents'.

2) Determine the source of the feelings.

3) Talk about feelings--yours and your opponents'. Don't suppress them, or deny them--
acknowledge them and deal with them directly.
4) Express your own feelings in a non-confrontational way. This can be done, for example, by
using I-messages, where you say "I feel angry because. . ." rather than "You made me angry by. .
." The first approach explains your feelings without accusing anyone else, while the second
focuses blame on the opponent who is likely to become hostile or defensive in response..

5) Acknowledge your opponents' feelings as legitimate.

6) Do not react emotionally to emotional outbursts. You should acknowledge the outburst with
active listening (which shows that you understand the strength of the speaker's feelings),

7) Use symbolic gestures. Gestures such as apologies, sympathy notes, shared meals, or even
handshakes can be very useful in expressing respect and defusing negative emotions at little cost.

Module – 5

Attitude: The way we feel or think about something, a person, a place, a situation or any individual.

Types of Attitude:

1 Positive Attitude
2 Negative Attitude
3 Neutral Attitude
Nature of Attitude:

1 Attitude is invisible
2 Attitude is acquired
3 Attitude is pervasive
4 Attitude affect behavior

TEA System:

T = Thought

E = Emotions

A = Actions/Behaviour

Building Positive Attitude:

 1 Take responsibility and try to fulfill them
2 Surround yourself with positive people
3 Be more aware of your thought
4 Face Challenges
5 Read about the life of Positive people

Why Attitude Is Important In Life

A famous quote by someone says, Attitude decides one’s Altitude'. If we say the term altitude
talks of the different levels of growth both internal and external in man, then attitude is seen as
the necessary prerequisite to achieve this growth. Therefore, whether material or spiritual
achievement, attitude is very important in life.
Action should be Meaningful
There is a purpose behind each one of our actions and happenings around us. If our activities are
purposeless, we are branded as weird. The purpose might be simple or profound, however,
purpose is very much important for an action to be meaningful and successful. In other words,
when you are waiting to make a journey, you must first know where you are heading to and why
you are going there.
Attitudes Should be Right
Attitude can be understood as the factor that shapes our goals. It also corresponds to how to
perceive, view and approach the different aspects of life. Attitudes speak of an individual's
personality. Constructive or right attitudes make a strong and commendable personality, while
destructive or wrong attitudes make a weak and deplorable personality.

Right Decisions
Right attitudes are the products of a sound mind. A sound mind is something that is stable,
balanced, determined, confident and positive which can rightly distinguish and discriminate
between right and wrong; good and bad and constructive and destructive. A sound mind can
guide an individual to take the right decisions. Right decisions are in fact the products of right
attitudes. Therefore, attitude is very important in life.

Importance of Right Attitude

Attitudes make us work purposefully with endurance. Though there are obstacles in every walk
of life, the right attitude prepares a man to take them up as challenges and move persistently
forward tackling them with patience and perseverance. If the right attitude is missing, then life
appears to be a burden and every small challenge or difficulty shall make an individual weak and
complaining.
Reality of Life
The person of right attitude assumes responsibility to his actions. He complains the minimum
and performs the maximum. He is cheerful and happy going and hardly sheds tears. He accepts
the reality of life and tends to be more practical rather than living in a utopian world of
imaginations and dreams.
Problems with Wrong Attitude
An individual wants to quit the game of life when he develops a wrong attitude. Influenced by
the negative thought, his impression about himself is damaged. He loses confidence in himself
and also in others. He grows weak and thinks he hardly has any energy left out to fight with the
odds of life. He is forced to ruin himself and end his life purposelessly.
Benefits of Right Attitudes
As against such an outlook, if an individual wakes up to the practical reality of life, he tends to
take things lightly and ventures to explore other alternatives when something fails and misfires.
He is confident that the mansion of life provides several doors to progress and there are a lot of
doors to explore and use an avenue to progress. Thus, right attitudes can help an individual soar
in the journey of life higher and higher with added energy in pursuit of his dreams.