Carol M.

Oberfoell

On the 4th of November, I interviewed Carol M. Oberfoell in Room 101 of Smyth Hall
from 12:25 to 1:30. Ms. Oberfoell is a 73-year old white woman working as an academic
secretary in Smyth Hall at Loras and possesses a strong faith and great optimism. From an early
age, she has experienced many losses (mother, two sons, and sister) and struggles (divorce and
cancer). Currently, she lives alone away from her remaining children and grandchildren. The
primary motive for this interview was that I wondered how Ms. Oberfoell has overcome her
agony and how she views death when I read the list of older adults for interviewing given by Dr.
Grinde. Of course, Ms. Oberfoell was a person whom I did not know really until this project.

Interview Summary

Purpose
The purpose of her life is to bring joy to others while caring about them. She came to find
it meaningful and satisfying with an increase in her faith and shifts of her focus from family to
herself across adulthood. In young and middle adulthood, she absorbed herself so much in
worries about money and friendship and stressed much more her family than anything else to
meet all their needs. However, the turning point came in her 50s. Her challenging life
experiences with breast cancer, divorce, and buying a new house developed her strong faith,
sense of security, and feelings of keeping people love her and being close to them. These greatly
affected her current meaning of life.

Self-concept & emotional health

She conceptualizes herself as a confident, decision-maker because her strong faith -
praying before decisions- enables her to trust herself more besides her many experiences in life.
Also, she mentioned that the key factors to maintaining her good mental health are
communicating with good friends and being honest to herself. When feeling happy, she would
show her happiness; on the other hand, she will let her sad and not act as if she is okay in front of
her friends.

Physical Health
Although she has ovarian cancer, she maintains good physical health because she really
takes care of herself by following her doctor’s advice, cooking and eating organic foods, sleeping
well, and taking a walk regularly. Moreover, she emphasized the importance of letting others
care about her and not stressing about the activities to keep her health or saying.
Cognitive
She is satisfied with the current ability to memorize, communication, and decide. Even
though she feels cognitive processes slow down over the years, she considers it does not bother
her. Because she lives alone, she can think and do things at her own pace. Besides, keep playing
scrabble with friends every Friday for 25 years and singing the Mass every weekend for 45 years
would enhance her cognition and prevent cognitive aging.

Work
She worked as a full-time waitress in early adulthood, but 36 years ago, she started a new
career as a secretary at Loras. She thinks working helps her mentally sharp even now.

Relationships
She regards good friends as key factors to successfully deal with the death of her loved
ones – her sons and sisters – and the other sufferings and to realize a happier life. With the
independence of her remaining children, she could spend more time to ha with friends and build
stronger friendships. She defines good friends as those who understand her, listen to her when
she needs, and share fun activities with her.

Spirituality and Death & Dying

Faith is an essential aspect of her life because it allows her to be optimistic even if times
are tough and believe that difficult surgery of her cancer will turn out well. Furthermore, her
strong faith eases her fear of dying since she believes that God would take her to heaven and see
her sons again. She also said that the death of her family members let her realize the importance
of cherishing each day and thus she could have lived a fulfilling life. She accepts death and
overcomes fear.

Reflection

Though the interview, the most important life lesson I learned from Ms. Oberfoell is to
accept yourself as you are. As well as the importance of good friends, she emphasized that young
people should be honest in their hearts and not pretend to be strong. Although self-deception
might motivate us to run towards our own goals, her life story with death or separation of loved
ones tells that pouring forth her feelings helped her recover from a tough time. She mentioned
that she does not feel embarrassed to show her grief in front of people. The primary reason seems
that she accepts her weakness and tries not to isolate herself from their supportive social
networks. Supposedly, this attitude would have built her mental toughness. In other words, I
believe that facing oneself and relying on others would develop individual resilience.