Yukiko Nakamura

On October 29th, I had a 1.5 hour-long interview with Yukiko Nakamura. She is my
grandmother aged 78 years and has been living alone in Japan since her husband died of terminal
cancer five years ago. Although she receives treatments for macular degeneration, she has never
had serious illnesses in her life. Her hobbies are ink wash painting and sewing. Because I wanted
to know how she recovered from grief for the recent death of her husband and how it would
affect her lifestyle and perspective on death or dying, I talked with Yukiko in Japan on Skype
from my room in the U.S.

Interview Summary

Purpose
The purpose of her life now is to enjoy hanging out with her daughters and grandchildren
who sometimes visit her house while learning something new by attending an occasional seminar
with her longtime friends. She said, however, ikigai differed from now in her young and middle
adulthood because she had devoted almost all of her time and energy to her housework as a
mother and job until she retired at age of 65 and thus she did not have time to think about herself.

Self-concept & emotional health

She considers herself as a modest, family-oriented, low self-esteem, and dependant and
mentioned these internal features would be often viewed among old women who have survived a
male-dominated society in Japan after WWII. Although her self-concept did not change so much
across adulthood, she came to more focus on her social and emotional needs after her husband
died. By relying on her two daughters or talking with grandchildren or close friends, she
overcame the loss and now feel satisfied with her life.

Physical Health
She becomes physically weaker with age and increases worries about osteoporosis and
bad cholesterol levels even though she had tried to have a healthy diet, regular aerobic exercise,
and good sleep, especially after midlife. However, she is physically strong enough to go to
grocery stores or seminars which are a few miles away from her house on bicycle.

Cognitive
She feels her gradual decline in abilities to maintain her attention for hours, memorize
what she heard from others, and respond to others or things quickly. On the other hand, she came
to decide everything by herself after her husband died, so she believes she becomes more
decisive now than before. She is satisfied with her cognitive abilities, but she tries to keep them
by participating in a dementia prevention class weekly and talking with family or friends
frequently.

Work
She had worked as an accountant in a private shop owned by her husband until
retirement. For her, working was as much a part of life as eating and sleeping, rather than just
like or not. However, she does not think that work would affect her identity.

Relationships
She and her husband maintained a good husband-wife relationship for over a
half-century. She said that the key to this relationship was respecting and trusting her husband’s
decisions. While the marital relationship did not change over the years, her role in relationships
with her daughters shifted from a caregiver as a mother in young and middle adulthood to a care
receiver in old adulthood. To improve family relationships, she emphasized the importance of
grateful attitudes toward their behaviors or saying even if they were very small things.

Spirituality and Death & Dying

She said that faith is not an essential part of her life because religion is not so practical in
Japan in the first place. She hopes to pass away peacefully because she has seen her husband
suffered from cancer pain and died. She accepts death and does not have any fear of death; she
thinks she has already enjoyed her life enough.

Reflection

Though the interview, the most critical life lesson I learned from Yukiko is to rely on
your family while being grateful to them. I thought one of the biggest factors which helped her
get over the loss of her husband will be her daughters. Their visits to her house weekly or more
would have prevented her from feeling lonely or anxious about the future and helped her distract
herself from being extremely sad. Despite their busy daily lives, what motivated these daughters
to support Yukiko? She very honestly expressed her emotional and physical needs for help from
her children and appreciated that they came to her house. I suspect that these attitudes might
increase their empathy and willingness to support her. Overall, it seems important to trust and
thank others when we overcome difficulties in life effectively.