Why Building Relationships Should Be at the Center of Everything You Do

Magazine / Why Building Relationships Should Be at the Center of Everything You Do

2 years ago Wynita Harmon 0 Comments

A constant struggle for many teachers is mastering the art of classroom management. Classroom
management strategies are not “one size fits all” and, therefore, can change yearly depending on the
group of students you have. Each year, you have to figure out what works best for you and your diverse
set of learners.

That said, there is one factor that is helpful no matter which strategies you use — cultivating positive
student-teacher relationships.

Building relationships with your students has a huge impact on behavior and academic success. I’ve
witnessed this firsthand during my twelve years in Title I schools. Every school has its own set of
challenges, and Title I schools are not exempt.

students' feet and teacher's feet in a circle

As stated in the article Understanding the Unique Needs of Title I Students, “Title I is a federally funded
program for school districts that is designed to improve academic achievement of disadvantaged
youth.” Students in Title I schools with low socioeconomic backgrounds can face different challenges
making it difficult for them to take full advantage of all school has to offer.

For instance, the article shares students may not have enough food to eat, a stable home, predictable
routines, or may have to work outside the home to help with family finances. These and other outside
factors can have a severe impact on students’ academic motivation, emotional engagement, and in-
school behavior. Students need teachers who care about them, and building relationships is a great way
to begin helping them succeed.

Here are 5 strategies to help you build meaningful relationships with your students.

1. Get to Know Your Students on a Deeper Level

Building rapport with your students can be a fun experience. In art, we have the luxury of having the
time to sit down among our students while they create. Sitting down with a few students each class to
learn more about their interests, what they plan to do for the weekend, or even what they had for
dinner, are all great ways to start getting to know more about your students. This is also a great time to
let students know more about yourself. I find myself asking students what I should cook for dinner,
telling them about my interests, or sharing something fun about my weekend. My students love when I
sit down at their table and draw with them. And guess what? So do I!

This is also a great way to learn your students’ names. Greeting students by name and pronouncing their
names correctly is incredibly meaningful. Doing this allows your students to know that you notice them.
Once your students begin to see that you care about them as a person, you gain their trust and they
work harder to make good choices in the classroom and do a better job to follow your expectations.

2. Be Compassionate

In order to better understand your students, especially those with challenging behaviors, it is important
to put yourself in their shoes. Try your best to understand where they are coming from in regards to
why they are acting out. I am not saying you should dismiss the negative behavior, but being aware of a
student’s situation may help you have more compassion. Give students chances to re-learn and practice
your rules, routines, and procedures by consistently modeling and teaching appropriate classroom
behavior.

It is important to remember schools are full of diversity. While we may not understand why a child
exhibits a certain behavior, we need to check any biases we have, ask what is going on and take time to
investigate the issue. It’s vitally important to recognize and acknowledge there often is not a “quick fix”
for a student’s problem.

In short, do not give up on your kids. Make it hard for those disengaged students by seeking them out on
a consistent basis. Being compassionate is not a weakness but a strength. It takes a strong person to
continue to understand another person’s situation in order to help them.

3. Visit with Students Outside of Class Time

On more than one occasion, you can find me chatting with my students to follow up on weekend plans
they shared with me in class or just to see how they are doing. I might even stop by the cafeteria during
breakfast or lunch to see students or even hang out at recess for a bit. A quick chat in the hall works as
well. While I do this with lots of my students, I intentionally find students who have challenging behavior
in my class. It has helped tremendously. Building relationships during the school day outside of the
classroom helps you see students in different environments and allows students to see you are making
an effort to know them better.

sidewalk chalk with positive message

4. Treat Your Students with Respect

Many of you have heard the phrase, “treat others how you want to be treated.” This golden rule is not
only for students to follow but for adults too. Using condescending language such as sarcasm or
embarrassing students is not okay. These types of behaviors will only push your students away from you
and make them act out even more. This is an area for some deep self-reflection because while we can
be sarcastic with our friends who know us well, it can be mistaken by students as disrespect and exude a
disregard for their feelings. If you have to call out a student for their behavior, pull them aside privately
to speak with them instead of broadcasting it to the entire class.

In addition, consider mistakes. We all know students make them, but remember you will make them
too. If you do or say something you regret, it’s important to apologize. You’ll see just how forgiving your
students are! On the flip-side, forgive your students for their mistakes, too. Don’t hold grudges and start
each day with a clean slate. While this may be easier said than done, it is important to make an
intentional effort in regards to this matter. Students value respect. They will typically respect you and
your classroom when they feel they are shown respect, too.

5. Give Positive Feedback

Getting positive feedback for doing a job well done always feels good. Acknowledging students’ positive
contributions to the classroom environment lets them know they are making good choices in your class.
It can help build their confidence and push them to strive harder each day. I have noticed how my
students’ faces light up with joy when I give them positive feedback. This is true for all of my students,
regardless of if they’re having a tough time in class.

Overall, building relationships with your students is beneficial to promoting a positive learning
environment that enhances your ability to manage your classroom. Haim G. Ginott said, “I’ve come to a
frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my personal approach that
creates the climate. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous
power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of
inspiration. I can humiliate or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether crisis will be
escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized.” Profound words to ponder as we
approach another school year.

I hope you find these strategies helpful as you build relationships with your students in an effort to
promote positive behavior in your class.

What are other strategies you would add to this list to help build relationships with your students?
How have you used these strategies in the classroom to build relationships?

Wynita Harmon

Wynita Harmon is an elementary art teacher in Plano, TX. She enjoys providing authentic learning
experiences for her students that promote innovation and critical thinking skills.
As other teachers work to address “classroom management” challenges in their practices, I would
recommend the following:

1. Talk to and with students.

Teachers sometimes spend infinite amounts of time talking about students to their colleagues or to
students’ parents but minimal time actually talking to and with students themselves. This strategy
suggests that teachers engage in conversations with students themselves to learn from and about them.

2. Self-Reflective Assignments.

In language arts, assignments might include journal writing or essay writing. In social studies,
assignments might include family history projects or local community-studies projects. In mathematics
or science, assignments might include student-constructed word problems or community-based inquiry
projects where students investigate the effects of environmental realities on health, crime, and/or
poverty in their community.

3. Dialogue with Students at the Center.

The point is to cultivate a classroom culture where students actually talk. Teachers should not always be
at the center of discussions but should allow students to share events and experiences from home and
their community. Students should be allowed to share whatever information they feel comfortable
discussing. When I taught high school English, I used to facilitate what I came to call “rap sessions” that
allowed students to have conversations with each other about what was happening in their lives inside
and outside of school.

4. Attend Extracurricular Activities Featuring Students.

It means something to students when teachers take time out of their schedules to visit an activity they
are involved in. I shall never forget the time my third-grade teacher attended my football game at a city
park. Needless to say, I played at my highest capacity that game, and I remember feeling a great sense
of pride that my teacher had supported me in this way. In the third-grade classroom, I remember
putting forth more effort after this experience and looking at my teacher with an intensified level of
respect. It is important for teachers to attend students’ activities—such as their plays or sporting
events—even when they are not on duty as coaches, chaperones, directors, or sponsors. Teachers from
elementary through high school should feel a sense of responsibility to be present at events that help
complete students’ educational experiences such as those connected to extra-curricular activities.

5. Visit sites and invest in students’ community.

When teachers immerse themselves in a student’s community, they get a firsthand view of the student’s
life outside the learning environment. I recall that my mother, who owned a beauty salon in my
community, saw my second-grade teacher every other Thursday when my mother styled her hair.
Moreover, other teachers who taught my sister, me, and many of my friends also received services from
my mother’s beauty salon. Of course, I am completely confident that there were conversations about
my academic performance during those appointments when my mother styled my teacher’s hair. My
second-grade teacher was building knowledge about me, the community, and other students in the
community because my friends’ parents also visited my mother’s shop for services.

6. Community Immersion.

In her research on pre-desegregation schools, Vanessa Siddle Walker (2000) has highlighted the value of
teachers living in the communities in which they taught. Such residential arrangements can provide for
powerful trusting relationships and layers of knowledge through experience that educators are able to
incorporate in their work. When they live in students’ communities, teachers are able to build lessons
and come up with meaningful examples that bridge content, instruction, and learning. Living in the area
can also help educators understand the nuances of the community in ways that allow them to make
better professional judgments.

7. Community Engagement.

Even when they are not able to live in the same neighborhood as their school, educators can build
knowledge about the community by reading and talking about the goings-on in students’ lives and by
immersing themselves in the fabric of the community. They can attend community meetings, council
meetings, religious ceremonies, and community events and deliberatively reflect on their own lived
experiences as educators in relation to those of their students. Engagement in the life of a community,
as opposed to mere participation or observation, is the key. Engagement means that there is real
commitment—long term, persistent, and consistent immersion in the actual affairs of the community
for learning, understanding, and development.

8. Community Attendance.
When teachers immerse themselves in a student’s community, they get a first-hand view of the
student’s life outside of the school environment. I have learned in my work with teachers that some of
them believe that their involvement with students should end after the school day (or perhaps after
they have coached basketball or lacrosse practice or directed a band concert or school play). But
attending students’ activities outside of school— from baptisms or bar mitzvahs to Little League events
or even a pickup basketball game—is a necessary aspect of professional learning for educators at all
grade levels. Such attendance allows educators to learn about students’ interests and talents outside of
school, demonstrates a level of care to parents and students (a necessary feature of building trust), and
gives educators an opportunity to engage in informal conversations that can enhance knowledge and
inform lessons.

9. Community Investment.

Educators can also build community knowledge and show real commitment by advocating for business
and economic development in their schools’ and students’ neighborhoods. In addition to their time,
educators should spend some of their economic resources in the community—at grocery stores, gyms,
and gas stations. I recall that my mother, who owned a beauty salon in our community, dressed several
of my teachers’ hair when I was a student. Of course, I am confident there were conversations about my
academic performance during those appointments—but that investment showed a real level of
commitment on the part of my teachers. They were building knowledge about me, the community, and
other students in the community, because my friends’ parents also visited my mother’s shop.

References

Milner, H. R., Cunningham, H. B., Delale-O’Connor, L., & Kestenberg, E. G. (2018). “These kids are out of
control:” Why we must reimagine “classroom management” for equity. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin.

Milner, H.R. (2010). Start where you are but don’t stay there: Understanding diversity, opportunity gaps,
and teaching in today’s classrooms. Cambridge, MA: Harvard Education Press.

Siddle Walker, V. (2000). Valued segregated schools for African American children in the South, 1935–
1969: A review of com- mon themes and characteristics. Review of Educational Research, 70(3), 253–
285.

Tags CLASSROOM MANAGEMENTCOMMUNITYRELATIONSHIPSTEACHING METHODS

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WRITTEN BY H. RICHARD MILNER IV

H. Richard Milner IV is Cornelius Vanderbilt Endowed Chair of Education and Professor of Education in
the Department of Teaching and Learning at Peabody College of Vanderbilt University. He is coauthor of
These Kids Are Out of Control”: Why We Must Reimagine “Classroom Management” for Equity (Corwin,
2018)
Manage a Class Effectively

Posted On : August 3, 2017 Published By : Future Educators

Managing the classroom effectively is one of the teacher’s most important jobs and perhaps the most
difficult, especially for new teachers. It can be a struggle even for veteran teachers as they also find
students who challenge their methods.

Since every class and every student provide a somewhat different challenge, it makes sense for each
teacher to find the right strategies that work best for her or his students.

Here are some of the effective classroom management strategies to help you create an environment
that’s conducive to teaching and learning.

Establish a positive relationship with your students

Don’t leave relationships to chance if you want to get the most out of classroom management. Experts
acknowledge that teacher-student relationship is the cornerstone of effective classroom management,
and classroom management has the largest effect on student achievement (see video). Let’s face it, we
all want to feel cared and valued by significant people in our world. Well, students are no different.

Establishing positive relationships promotes a sense of school belonging, as well as encourages students
to participate cooperatively. Besides, it helps them to develop the confidence to experiment and, of
course, succeed in a learning environment where they’re not restricted by the fear of failure.

But how can you develop positive teacher-student relationships? Here are some recommended ways:

Provide a clear structure as students respond positively to a structured learning environment. What we
mean is that, as a teacher, you should explain clear expectations to your class. In other words, the rules
and regulations must be practical and consistently reinforced. By doing this, the trust students have in
you may grow.

Always treat your students with respect

Create an enjoyable learning environment that encourages student participation and soft skills
development
Show interest in your students’ lives outside the classroom

Teach with enthusiasm and passion.

Encourage questions

A teacher that has the students’ best interest at heart should not be so focused on lecturing that you
allow no room for questions. You should invest more in getting the students interested and engaged in
the subject matter instead of just making sure that all the knowledge is conveyed. It is best that you
don’t explain ideas or facts uninterrupted for more than 5 minutes at a time. Some students may get
bored and lose concentration. Instead, set a good example by asking questions and also invite the
students to ask questions that steer the discussion.

Although the questions asked by the students need answers, it doesn’t always have to be you providing
all the answers. You should also allow the students to volunteer and answer classmate questions.

Praise your students

Never underestimate the benefits of praise! It is one tool that can be a powerful motivator for students.
In fact, research shows that praise is more effective than tangible rewards and may transform a
student’s image, uplift the entire class, as well as reinforce the core value you seek to promote in your
classroom. While praise can be a great tool for motivation and achievement, teachers must use it
effectively:

Focus on effort, not only on achievements

Praise should be clear, creative, and varied

Be specific both in terms of the student and his/her accomplishments

Provide students with information about their performance.

Organize group projects

Students love working together in groups. Therefore, for effective classroom management, there should
be lessons and tasks that are designed to bring the students together. Teamwork helps nurture
leadership skills and also students might develop more respect for each other. Others may learn how to
be more responsible about getting their assignments ready in time when there’s a group grade that
affects their classmates.
Engage in 2-way feedback

Giving feedback is an essential part of effective classroom management. It helps your students to
understand the subject matter and guides them on how to improve their learning. If done correctly, it
can improve the students’ performance, self-awareness, and enthusiasm for learning.

Teachers should also encourage feedback from students. And the best way to go about it is by asking
questions about the tests and homework to the entire class regularly. You may get to know the learning
style they’re more comfortable with. Alternatively, you can distribute written surveys with specific
questions to each student. That way, it's easier for students to give ahonest feedback, from which you
can make the right teaching decisions.