Madison,

I really like your title as it shows that a change occurs. It also brings readers in who
because who doesn’t love Christmas and traditions. Your pacing throughout the paper was very
good and well done. I would recommend building up the tension more as it fell a little flat. There
was a lot of thought and time dedicated to the drive and the snow, and the tension and buildup
would’ve made that second half much more interesting. You may benefit from beginning with a
flashback and writing the story from that point of view. It would add the quality of the paper and
I don’t believe you would have to change much as far as wording. You didn’t do a great job of
providing background details about your mom or dad. It would be nice to know a little
personality information and why its your mom and yourself cooking. But none of the siblings or
boys help. Maybe they’re awful cooks or just lazy? I get the message at the end loud and clear. I
actually wrote about a similar message so great minds think alike.
Sincerely, Tyler deBeauclair