Dear Madison,

Intro: Looks like you still need to add a title to your paper. Your paper seems to
use a lot of emotions to intro your subject. I would possibly get a little more specific on
what regulations to use to restrict the ability to take the lives of animals. Your thesis and
argument is very clear and well written. A reader can know your stance very easily by
reading your intro.
Argument: Your argument uses the counter argument to disapprove of it. You
then move into your argument opposed to trophy hunting. You use your citations very
well and there seems to be evidence for most of your facts. You also seem to back up
your facts with concrete number evidence which is very appealing. Your counter
argument could perhaps use a bit more? It seems to have a few positive but I would
maybe put a few more so that you can disapprove of more in your other paragraphs.
This would add credibility to your argument. It would also add to your word count.
Conclusion: Your conclusion is clear and restates your thesis, but it also brings in
another argument which is “enclosed hunts”. I would talk about that in your actual essay
and explain it so one who does not know what this is can be educated on what an
enclosed hunt is.
Sincerely, Sam