BUILDINGASUCCESSFULMARRI AGE

INTRODUCTI ON;
Topmostont hecounsell
ingl
istofchurchesandcounsell
ingcent
resarefamil
y
rel
atedissues.Somanypeopl ehavequest ionsonthefamil
yforwhi
chv er
yfew
seem tohav eadequateanswers.Yetagr eatfami
lyorhousehol
dispartofa
man'stesti
mony .Whatev
ersuccessamanorwomanwi l
lenj
oyinanyareaofli
fe
beginswithagr eatfamil
yorhousehold.

God,thedesi
gnerofmarri
ageandthefamil
y,r
ecount
ingt
hevir
tuesofJob,di
d
notonlymakementionofhischar
act
ertr
ait
sandassets,
butal
sospecif
ical
ly
menti
onedhisfamil
y.

"Therewasamani nthelandofUz,whosenamewasJob; andthatmanwas

perfectandupr i
ght,andonethatfearedGod, andeschewedev il
.
Andt herewer ebornuntohim sevensonsandt hreedaught
ers.
Hissubst ancealsowassev enthousandsheep, andthr
eethousandcamels,
and
fi
vehundr edy okeofoxen,andfivehundredsheasses, andav erygr
eat
household; sothatt
hismanwast hegreatestofal lt
hemenoft heeast
."
-Job1: 1-
3( Emphasismine)

From thisaccount ,i
tisquiteobv i
oust hataman' stestimonyi snotcompl et
e
withoutament ionoft hest at
eofhi sfami l
y.Fami l
ysuccessi st hef oundat i
onfor
all
-roundsuccess.Anymanwhosucceedsast heheadofhi sf ami l
yi ssureto
succeedi nanythingelsei nli
fe.Nomat t
erwhatl evelofsuccessamanor
womanat tai
nsinl i
fe,ifiti
snotaccompani edbyanundeni ablef ami l
ysuccess,
suchsuccessoraccompl i
shmentwi llbeunsustainable.Societyi srepletewith
severalgreatdestini
est hathav ecrashedduet ot hefail
ureinthef ami l
ysetup.
Social,f
inanci
al,businessorcar eersuccess( evenwi thfameandal l)without
fami l
ysuccessist astelessandf r
ustrati
ng.

Goddesignedthefamil
yforsuccessandnotfai
lur
e!Heprov
edthisbybei
ng
pract
ical
l
yinvol
vedintheinst
it
uti
onoft hef
ir
stmarri
age,
andsubsequent
lyt
he
famil
y.Takeacloserl
ookatthispassage:

"Andt heLordGodcausedadeepsleept ofalluponAdam,andhesl

ept
:andhe
tookoneofhi sri
bs,andcl
osedupthefleshi nst
eadther
eof;
Andt heri
b,whichtheLordGodhadtakenfr om man,madeheawoman, and
broughtheruntotheman."
-Genesis2:21-22

Whenthefi
rstmarr
iagewasinsti
tut
ed,
Goddi dnotj
ustspeaki
tintoexi
stence
l
ikeHedidt
herestofcreat
ion.Hewaspract
ical
lyi
nvol
vedinit
sinsti
tut
ion.

Thereisnoli
mittot
hepleasuresandbl essi
ngsGodcanbr i
ngtoallar
easofyour
l
ifethr
oughasuccessf
ulfamilyli
fe.Thereisajoythatcomesalongwi t
hfamily
success.Thi
sjoysi
mplyspil
lsoverintoeveryareaofli
fe.Joyent
reatsdiv
ine
pr
esence,
andwi
thdi
vi
nepr
esencecomes"
pleasur
esf
orev
ermor
e"(
Ps.16:
11)
.

Thef ami l
ycanbeli
kenedtoahi ghl
yval
uablepr
oduct.Justasever
yproduct
requirenecessar
yrawmat eri
alsbef
oreitcanbeproducedandfunct
ion
excellentl
y,soal
sothefamil
ycannotfuncti
onsuccessful
l
yunti
lrel
evantr
aw
mat erial
sareful
l
yprocessed.

Joshua1:8showsusthefact
oryf
rom wher
eal
lther
awmat
eri
alsf
orf
ami
l
y
successcanbeobtai
ned:

"Thi
sbookoft helawshallnotdepar
toutofthymouth;butthoushaltmedit
ate
ther
eindayandnight,t
hatthoumay estobser
vet
odoaccor dingtoallt
hatis
writ
tenther
ein:f
orthenthoushaltmakethywayprosperous,andthenthoushalt
havegoodsuccess."

"Thi
sbookoft helaw"ort
heWor dofGodi sthef actoryforfamil
ysuccess.I
tis
ful
lofprinci
pleswhich,whenprocessedandpr acticed,areboundtodeli
ver,not
j
ustsuccess, butgoodsuccess.Asuccessfulhomei sdependentonat otal
adherencetobi bl
i
calmarri
ageprinci
ples.

Successi
nallar
easoflif
eisGod'swi l
lfory
ou.Buti
tdoesnotcomebychance,
nei
theri
sitanacci
dentaloccur
rence.Nothi
ngsuccessf
ulcanbecl
assi
fi
edasan
acci
dent;
asnoaccidentisatesti
mony .

Iam yettofindamanorwomanwhosucceededi nhis/herfamil

ybychance;who
wokeupaf ter50yearsandjustdiscover
edt hattheyhadmadei t
!Itnever
happens,becausesuccessisnotagi f
t!I
tisneitherapr oductoflucknorchance.
Itdoesnotjusthappen.Itt
akesconscious,deli
berate,andcalcul
atedstepsto
real
isesuccessinanyv ent
ure,
includi
ngthef amily.

Thef actthatmanyarefrustr
ated,unhappy,
fedup,andfail
ingdoesnot ,
however
,
tamperwi ththetr
uthofGod'sWor d.Thefamil
yisdesignedforsuccess!Thi
s
trut
hmustbeappr eci
atedinorderforitt
obeappropri
ated.Thatispreci
sel
ywhy
thelaterpartofJoshua1:8says:

"
…Thent
houshal
thav
egoodsuccess.
"

Ifyouar emar r
iedandexper i
encingturbul
encei ny ourfami l
y,al
l y
ouneeddoi s
toapplyt hepr i
nciplescont ai
nedi nGod'sWor dandt hestormswi l
lcease.Ifyou
areaboutt obegi ny ourownf amily,y
oucanav oidf rustrat
ionbyoper ati
ngt he
pri
nciplescont ainedi ntheWor dofGod.If,howev er,yourfamilyisonet hatcan
bet er
med" successf ul,
"itcanmov euptother ealm ofgoodsuccess!For
successt or emai nsuccess, i
tmustbeconst antlyimpr ovedupon.Successt oday
thatisnotimpr oveduponwi l
l becomef ai
l
ur et
omor row.Thel argestroom inthe
wor l
dist her oom forimpr ovement .
Abettertomorr
owawait
syourf
amil
y!Thati
swhy,Ibeli
eve,
Godinst
ruct
edmeto
wri
tethisbook:sot
haty
oucanenj
oyGod'sbest
.Ibel
ieveonlyt
hebesti
sgood
enoughforyou.

Happyr
eadi
ng!
CHAP.1:
UNDERSTANDI
NGTHEFAMI
LY

"
SoGodcreatedmaninhi
sownimage,intheimageofGodcreat
edhehi
m; mal
e
andfemalecr
eatedhet hem.
AndGodblessedt
hem,andGodsaiduntothem, Bef
rui
tf
ul,
andmul
ti
ply
,and
r
epleni
shtheearth…"
-
Genesi
s1:27-28

Nonat i
oncanbebet t
erthanthehealt
hoftheindiv
idualf
amil
iesthatmakeup
thatnation,
becausethenucleusunitofanynati
onandanypeopl e,t
ri
beorrace,
event hesmal l
estnat
ion,i
sthefamil
y.Itst
andsasaf undamentalsoci
algr
oupof
atypicalsociet
y.

Mot herTheresa,t
hegr eatsaint
lywomanofGodandf ounderoftheOrderofthe
MissionariesofCharit
y,whenaskedwhatt hesoluti
ontoworldpeacewas, said,
"Leteveryonegohomeandl ovet hei
rfamil
ies.
"Shewasl i
ter
all
ysayingthatthe
chaosi ntheworldtodayhasi tsfoundati
onint hewaythefamil
ystruct
ureand
familyvaluesarebeingmi sunderstoodandmi sused.

TheFami lyUni t
Thewor d" family
"intheLongman' sDicti
onaryofContemporaryEnglishmeans:a
groupofpeopl ewhoar eclosel
yrelat
edtoeachot her,
especi
allymother,fat
her
,
andt hei
rchi l
drenrepresenti
ngthenuclearfamily
.Therei
salso, however,
the
extendedf amilysetup, whi
chincl
udeaunt s,uncl
es,gr
andparents,di
stant
rel
ations,etc.

Thefamilyunitcanalsobedefinedastwoormor
epeoplewhosharecommon
goalsandvalues,havealong-t
erm commit
mentt
ooneanother,acommon
ancestr
y,andusuallyresi
deinthesamedwell
i
ngplace,
underonerooforl
i
vei
n
thesamehouse.

Anot
herwordfor"
famil
y"fr
om t
heBiblei
s"househol
d"or"
houseof
"asi
nPsal
m
115:
12.Speaki
ngaboutGod'
sdesi
refort
hefamilyci
rcl
e,i
tsay
s:

"
…Hewi
l
lbl
esst
hehouseofI
srael
;hewi
l
lbl
esst
hehouseofAar
on.
"

Al
so,
Genesi
s18:
19say
s:

"
ForIknowhi
m,t
hathewi
l
lcommandhi
schi
l
drenandhi
shousehol
daf
terhi
m
…"

Int
hispassageweseet hat"
househol
d"ref
erstomor ethanjusthusband,wif
e,
andchil
dren,becauset
heword"chi
ldr
en"hadalreadybeenment ionedbefor
ethe
word"household.
"Ahousehol
dhasmuchmor ethanjusthusband, wi
fe,
and
chi
ldr
en,butcanr ef
ert
oallwholi
veunderthatr
oofandaut hori
tyofthe
householderorowneroft hehouse.Suchpersonsmayi ncl
udecloserel
ati
ons,
dist
antrelati
ons,in-
laws,servant
s,housemaidsanddomest i
cstaff(somepeople
havetheirdri
vers,gardeners,
securi
typersonnel
,etc.
,l
ivi
ngwiththem undert
he
samer oof,andtreatthem asmember soft hei
rfamil
y).

TheMar ri
ageRelati
onship
Mar r
iageist
helegalunionofamanandawomanashusbandandwif
e.I
tisthe
foundati
ononwhi chtheli
vesandr
elat
ionshi
poff
ami
l
ymembersarei
nit
iat
edor
buil
t.

TheLongman'
sdict
ionarydef
inesmar r
iageasarel
ati
onshi
pbetweentwopeopl
e
whoaremarri
edorwhohav ebeenjoinedtoget
herashusbandandwif
e
accor
dingt
othel
aw, custom,orchur
chdemands.

Alt
houghhav i
ngchildr
enisoneoft hebl essi
ngsofmar ri
age,marri
agemeans
muchmor ethanjusthav i
ngchildr
enorco- habit
ingwi thsomeoneoft heopposi
te
sex.Marr
iageisactuall
yacov enant,afusion,ablendingofamanandawoman
i
nal i
fel
ong, i
nseparabl
er el
ati
onship.Itisanagreementandcommi t
mentoftwo
peopl
ebef or
ewitnesses.Iti
sar el
ationalstruct
urethroughwhi chamananda
womanjoinashusbandandwi f
e,becomeonef lesh,andtogetherrul
eineart
hly
domini
on.

I
tist
wopeople,specif
ical
lyamanandawoman, ahusbandandawi f
e,comi
ng
t
oget
hert
opledget hei
rliv
esandcommitmentt
oeachot her
,aboutf
orminga
f
amil
yorbui
ldingahouseholdtoget
her
.

Godi
stheor
igi
nat
oroft
hef
ir
stmar
ri
age.I
nGenesi
s2:
18,
theBi
blesay
s:

"AndtheLORDGodsai
d,I
tisnotgoodt
hatt
hemanshoul
dbeal
one;
Iwi
l
lmake
him anhel
pmeetf
orhi
m."

Thesubsequentv ersesshowhowGodwentaboutdoi ngjustthat.Godshowed

Hisinterestinmar r
iagebyper sonallyfashi
oni
ngthewomananddel i
veri
ngherto
herhusband.Hewasper sonallypresentatthefi
rstmarr
iagecer emony(Gen.2:
21-23)!What '
smor e?Thef i
rstmi racleevert
hatJesusperfor
meddur i
ngHis
earthl
ymi nistr
ywasatamar r
iagecer emonyatCanaofGal il
ee,whereHet ur
ned
waterintowi ne,r
estori
ngthemi ssingjoyandexcit
ementinthatmar ri
age(Jn.
2:
1-11) .

Doesyourmar r
iageseem t obejoyl
essrightnow?Donotlosehope.Godwhodi d
i
tatCanawi l
ldoi tagaininyourl
if
e,andwi l
lgi
v eyouamir
acle,
becauseHeis
st
il
lamiracl
ewor ker
!Ex pectamir
acle!Howev er,
youmustbereadytoobeyHis
i
nstr
ucti
ons,li
ket heydidattheweddinginCana, bef
oret
heirwaterwast
urned
i
ntowine.Readt histest
imonycareful
ly.

"
Ihadsuf
fer
edal
lmannerofcr
uel
opposi
ti
onsandhar
assment
sbecauseIcoul
d
notconceive.Myi n-
lawshadabusedmev erbal
lyandphysi
call
y,andput
pressureonmyhusbandt oki
ckmeoutofmymat ri
monial
home.Finall
y,he
succumbedandsentmepacki ng.BecauseIreal
lyhadnowheret ogo,Iwas
l
iter
all
ysquat t
ingfrom oneconcernedneighbour'
shousetotheother
,allt
he
whileseeki
ngr econcil
iat
ion.

WhenIlearntoftheoncomi ngFami l
yRenewalConv enti
on,
Ideter
minedtoserve
theLor
d,andGoddi dit!Hegr ant
edmef avourbeforemyhusband,whocalled
mebackt oourhome, andshor tl
yaftert
her euni
on,Idiscov
eredIwaspregnant.
Myhomewasnotonl yr est
ored,Iconcei
v edaswel l
.Theconventi
onbrought
doubl
eblessingstome. "
-Amaka,D.

Doubl
ebl
essi
ngsawai
tyouaswel
l
.Yourt
est
imonyshal
lbet
henext
!

God,ast heorigi
nat
orofmar r
iage,i
sthefoundati
onf orasuccessf ul
mar ri
age.
Buil
dingy ourhomeuponHi m wil
lensureasuccessfulfamilyli
fe.Howev er
,many
couplespushGodandHi spri
ncipl
esaside,andyetexpecttoenj oydivi
ne
benefit
sandbl essi
ngsinthei
rmarriageandfamilyl
ife.I
tcannotwor kthatway,
asthepl aceyougiveGodinyourli
fedeterminesyourov er
allpl
acementi nli
fe.

Marri
ageVersustheFamily
Fr
edrickK.C.Pri
cesaid,"
Marriagei
sadivineor
dinance.Wit
houtmar
riageasa
di
vineordi
nanceyoucannothav eafamil
y.Youmayhav eagroupofpeoplel
iv
ing
i
nthesamehouse, butyoucannothaveaf amil
y.Youwill
haveali
vi
ng
ar
rangement,butnotgodlyr
elati
onshi
ps.
"

I
not herwords,i
fther
eisnomarri
age,t
herecanbenofami
ly,becauset
her
eisa
decentorderandprocesst
ofol
l
owi nestabl
i
shingaf
amil
y.TheBi bl
e
admonishesthis:

"Letal
lthingsbedonedecent
lyandi
nor
der
."
-1Corinthians14:
40

Themar r
iagerel
ationshi
p,t
houghessent
ial
tot
hef
ami
l
yuni
t,di
ff
ersf
rom f
ami
l
y
rel
ati
onship.Let
'sseehow.

Fir
stl
y ,marr
iageisbet
weent woparti
es,
manandwoman, husbandandwi fe.Iti
s
betweent wopeopleoftheopposit
esexonly.Iti
simpor tanttomaket hispoint
veryclearhere,
especi
all
yinthese"modern"daysof"samesexmar ri
ages".Even
thoughsamesexmar ri
agesmaybeaccept ablet
ot hesoci et
y ,
itisnot
acceptabletoGod.For:"
…Mal eandfemalecreatedhet hem. "-Genesi
s1:27
"Therefor
eshallaman…cl eaveunt
ohiswi f
e…"-Genesis2:24

Noti
cethewords"
mal
e",
"female"
,"man",
and"wif
e"i
ntheabovescr
ipt
ures.
Theseall
poi
nttot
wopeopleoftheopposit
esex,
notsamesex.GodisaGodof
detai
ls.TohaveGod'ski
ndofmar r
iage,thi
ngsmustbedoneHisownway .
Foll
owingthecrowdanddoingwhatev erybodyel
seisdoi
ngcannevermakef
or
successinmarri
age.Cauti
on!Caut
ion!!Cauti
on!!
!Godwarnsi
nHisword:

"…Benotdecei
ved:nei
therf
orni
cator
s,nori
dol
ater
s,noradul
ter
ers,
nor
eff
eminate(
homosexuals),
norabusersoft
hemselveswit
hmankind…shal
l
i
nheri
ttheki
ngdom ofGod."
1Cori
nthi
ans6:9-10

Togoagai nstt
hewordofGodisforli
fetogoagai
nstyou!Thescri
ptur
escannot
bebroken.Toattemptt
obreakscri
ptur
esistobebrokeni
nlif
e.Thosewhomake
l
ightofGod'swordarenat
ural
l
yv i
cti
msinli
fe.

Thef
ami
l
yont
heot
herhandi
nvol
vesatl
eastt
wo,
andev
ent
ual
l
ymor
epeopl
e.

Secondl
y,marr
iageisacovenant
,resul
ti
ngi
naf
usi
on,
ablendi
ng,
andal
i
fel
ong
rel
ati
onshi
pbetweenonemanandonewoman.Thehusbandandwif
e
rel
ati
onshi
pisestabl
ishedbycov
enant.

Marri
ageisnotjustagoodidea;i
tisGod'sidea.Godi
nsti
tut
edit
;iti
sdi
vi
ne.I
tis
notacul
turalt
hing,butascr
iptur
althi
ng.Iti
snotaproductofman's
arr
angement,butGod'sar
rangement .

Afamilyti
e,however,
isacommonancest r
alorassociat
ionalbondresult
ingi
na
connecti
ngcordbetweenthei
ndivi
dualswi
thi
nthatsamef amil
y.I
tsexist
enceis
notnecessari
l
ybytheirownvol
it
ion.Thati
s,y
our eal
l
yhav enosayi ndecidi
ng
whichfamil
ytobelongto.

"
AndJudahsai
dunt
ohi
sbr
ethr
en…hei
sourbr
otherandourf
lesh.
..
"
Genesi
s37:
26-
27

Thi
rdl
y,mar ri
agei
sbychoi
ce;eachpar
tychoosest obecomebonded.I
nafamil
y,
however,eachmemberisbondedasaresultofthei
rcommonancestry
,whet
her
ornottheychooseto.I
nGenesi
s28:2,
IsaactoldJacobhisson:

"
Ari
se,
gotoPadan-ar
am,tothehouseofBethuelt
hymother'
sfat
her;andtake
t
heeawif
efr
om thenceofthedaught
ersofLabanthymother
'sbr
other."

Themarr
iager
elat
ionshi
pinwhi
chyoufindyour
selfi
saproductofy
ourchoice;
andchoi
cesar
esoi mport
ant
.Toagreatext
ent,t
heydet
erminethefl
avourofour
l
ives.

Ontheotherhand,t
hefamil
yintowhi chyouar ebornisnotaproductofyour
choi
ce.Therel
ati
onshi
pbetweenchi ldr
enandpar entsisestabl
i
shedbybirth.
Youdonotchoosewhoy ourfatherormot herwouldbebef oreyouareborn.Or
didy
ou?Youcannotchangey ourfather,
neithercanyouchangey ourmother.
Nonetheless,thegoodnewsi sthatGodnevermakesmi stakes.What
everfamil
y
youarebor nintoisnotacci
dental;
Goddi di
tonpur pose,anditisf
oryourgood.
Don'teverwishy ouwerebornintoanotherf
amily.Thefami l
yintowhi
chyouare
bornisthebestf oryoutoful
fi
lyourreasonforexist
ence.Getexcit
ed!Youare
bornindueseason.

Iam bornintoafamilyoften:ei
ghtchildr
en,wit
hmeast hesixth.Sodivi
nely
posit
ionedbyGod, Iam sogratefultoHimforthat
.Weareall bor
nagainand
Spir
itfi
ll
ed.Oh,whatasweetpl acet obel
ong!Eachofuseightchil
drenarenow
grownandmat ur
e.Wehav ealllefthome,ar
emar r
ied,
andar enowbui l
dingour
ownf amil
ies.

Don'teverdespisethefamil
yintowhichy ouwer
eborn.Nomattert
hechal
lenges
ther
e,Godmi ghthav esentyouther
ef orsuchati
meast hi
s.Asyouhandl
ethose
chal
lengeseffecti
vely,
youwillemergeachampion.

Fourthly
,mar r
iagei st hefoundationfort
hefamily.Amar ri
agei sent eredint
oby
choice,andthengr owsi ntoaf amil
yunit
.Theprincipl
esthatkeept hemar ri
age
standingmustf lowi ntotheli
festyl
eoffamil
ymember s.Thisisbecausei na
mar ri
age,anindiv i
dual makesachoi cef
orhim/hersel
f.Butinestabl ishi
nga
family,t
heindivi
dual isbringi
nglovedonesandmor eindi
vidualstoget her
, t
o
partakeoftheeit herheal thyenvi
ronmentcreat
edorpai nfulexperiencesbei ng
endured( Gen.47: 9).Mar ri
ageandf amil
yismeantt obeenjoy ed,notendur ed.I
n
hertesti
mony ,Mr s.Ubom sai d:

"Il
ivedwithapl agueofmarit
altensi
onforseventeenandhal
fyears;no
permanentpeace, nojoy.I
tstart
edri
ghtfr
om afterourweddi
ng.Inoticeditwas
l
ikeapl ague.Icamet oknowt heLor
d,andHebr oughtmetothi
spl ace.I
contactedthewor dofGodandt oldGodthatIcouldn'
tl
ivewi
ththi
smar i
tal
tension.

Totheglor
yoft heLor
d, i
nJanuaryt
heBishoptalkedaboutmarriagededicat
ion.
Surpr
isi
ngl
y,myhusbandsai d,'
Whatdoyouthinkaboutit
?'Itol
dhi mthatwe
shoul
dgof ori
t.Andsincethatday(
January26th,1997)
,tothegloryofGod,I'
m
fr
eefrom t
ensi
on!"

Li
vingasaFamil
y
Aft
ermarri
agecomesthemar i
tal
li
feortheli
feexper
ienceofacouple.Theyno
mor el
i
veli
kesi
nglei
ndiv
idual
s.Changeshaveoccurr
edandar esti
ll
occurri
ng.
Eachpart
yhastonowconsiderhi
s/herpar
tnerandnotonlyhi
m/ her
self
.

Afterthemarri
age,chi
ldrenareadded(ei
therbybir
thoradoption)andaddit
ional
parti
es(rel
atedeit
herbybloodorassociati
on)comei nt
othehome.Af amilyis
thenestabl
ished.Famil
iesareproduct
sofmar ri
ages.Oneleadstotheother.

Fami
l
y
Afamilyisagr oupofpeopleaf
fi
li
atedbybloodand/ ormar
riage.I
tisthe
nucl
eusuni toftheChurchandanation.I
tisafundamental
socialgroupin
soci
ety,typi
call
yconsi
stingofamanandwoman( knownashusbandandwi f
e)
andtheiroffspr
ing.

Whereasafamil
yconsi
stofagroupofpersonssharingcommonancest
ry,
marr
iageconsi
stsofamanandawoman, knownashusbandandwife,who
shar
ecommongoal sandval
ues,hav
eal ong-t
erm commi t
mentt
ooneanother
,
andli
vetoget
her.

FamilyLi
fe
Familyl
ifeisthemannerofli
vingofagr oupofpeopl
ewhosharecommon
ancestr
y.Iti
st hemannerofli
vingi
nahousehol d,
themannerofl
i
vingofagroup
ofpeopleaffi
li
atedbybloodandmar r
iage.Iti
sthewayi
nwhichparent
s,chi
l
dren,
andcloserelati
onsli
ve.

Inci
dental
ly,noindi
vidualonearth,whethermar ri
edorsingl
e,droppedfr
om
heaven.Everyoneonear th,youngorold,richorpoor,maleorfemale,bl
ackor
white,camef r
om onef amil
yoranot her,
from onel i
neageoranother,
are
connectedtooneper sonort heothergenet i
cal
lyorbyassociat
ion.I
ssueson
familyandfamilyli
fe,t
herefore,
affecteveryoneonear t
h.

TheFami l
yStruct
ure
"Forever
yhouseisbuil
dedbysomeman;
buthet
hatbui
l
tal
lthi
ngsi
sGod.
"
-
Hebr ews3:4

"
Ever
ywisewomanbui
l
det
hherhouse…"
-
Prov
erbs14:
1

Thewor d"house"intheabov epassagesisnotr

efer
ri
ngtoaphy si
calst
ructure,
buttoafami l
ystructur
e-t heindi
vi
dualswhomakeupt hehome.Itisman's
responsi
bil
it
ytobui l
dhis/herhouse.Youbuil
dbyorgani
zingandadminist
ering
theindi
vi
dualsundery ourroof.

"Lett
hedeaconsbet
hehusbandofonewi
fe,
rul
i
ng(
admi
nist
eri
ng)t
hei
rchi
l
dren
andthei
rownhouseswel
l.
"
-1Ti
mothy3:12

Thef amilystr
uctur
erequi r
esef f
ectiveadminist
rat
ion.Whenthi
sislacking,
famili
esinturnproducei ndi
vidualswhot eardownanddest r
oythesociety.The
essenceoft hefamily
, t
herefore,i
stocr eat
eanat mosphereorenvi
ronmentf or
effecti
veadmi ni
str
ati
onandpr eparati
onofi ndi
vi
duals,
sotheycangrowand
properlypursuetheplanofGodf orthei
rliv
es.

Mrs.Gr
aham,motheroft
hef
amousTel
e-Ev
angel
i
st,
Bil
l
yGr
aham,
speaki
ng
aboutf
amil
yli
fesai
d:
"…Thehouseofthewickedshal
lbeov
ert
hrown:butthetaber
nacl
eoftheupr
ight
shallfl
ouri
sh…Therei
sagenerati
ont
hatcurset
htheirf
ather
,anddot
hnotbless
theirmother
(Prov.14:
11;30:
11)
.

"Mr.Gr
aham andIdidnotwantthattohappeni
nourf amil
y.Whenwegetaway
fr
om whatt
heBiblesays,
wearei ntr
ouble.Weknewtherewasonlyoner
ight
waytol
ive,
anditwasalll
aidoutforusintheBi
ble.I
tishowwet r
iedt
oli
ve,and
howwewant edourchi
ldr
entolearntol
ive."

Bil
lyGraham hi
msel fsai
d,"I
nmanycr usadesovert heyears, Ihavedevotedat
l
eastonemessaget othesubjectoft
hef amil
y.Inmydepr ession-er
agr owingup
yearswehadf amilysoli
dari
ty,
wecaredabouteachot her,andwel i
kedt odo
thi
ngstogether.Mymot hersawt oi
tthatwegat heredfrequent l
yandr egul
arly
.
Shegat her
edusar oundhersel
fandmyf ather,
tolistentoBi blestor
ies,tojoi
nin
famil
ypr ay
ers,andtoshareasenseoft hepresenceofGod. "

NowondertheGrahamshav
eanenv
iabl
efami
l
yli
fe.Yourownt
est
imonywi
l
lbe
br
ight
er,
inJesusname!

"
Charit
y",
theysay,"begi
nsathome. "I
tdoesn'tendtherethough;i
tonlybegi
ns
f
rom ther
e.Thismeanst hehomei swherethecharacteranddestinyofan
i
ndi
vidualshoul
dbegi nandtakepropershape.Atypicalbi
bli
calexampleofthi
s
i
sthecaseofAbr aham.InGenesis18:19,GodspeakingaboutAbr aham sai
d:

"ForIknowhi
m, t
hathewil
lcommandhi schi
ldr
enandhishousehol
dafterhim,
andtheyshal
lkeepthewayoftheLord,
todojusti
ceandjudgment;
thattheLor
d
maybr i
nguponAbraham t
hatwhichhehathspokenofhi
m. "

Abraham hadagr aspofGod' spurposef ort

hef amily, andbythatunderstandi
ng
wasabl etoorderhishouseholdar i
ght.Theresultoft hatwast hatGodwas
pleasedwithhim andensuredt hatAbraham andhi shousehol dwer esuccessful
i
nal lt
hattheydid.Til
ltoday,Chri
sti
anst heworldov erst i
l
lidenti
fywit
hAbr aham.
IfGodwer etocommentony ourmar r
iageorfami l
yt oday,wouldHesay
somet hi
ngpositi
veabouti t
?

Thefamilyisthefoundati
onalblockforthesoci
ety
,whiemar
l r
iageisthe
foundat
ionalblockfort
hef amil
y.Satanalwayst
argetsmarr
iagestodestroy
them.Thisisbecausetodest r
oymar ri
ageswouldmeant odestr
oyfamili
es,and
todestr
oyfami li
eswouldmeant odest
roytheChurch,t
hesociet
y,andthenation.
Butwemustnotal l
owt hi
st ohappen.

Godestabli
shedthefamilyasthefir
standmostf undament alelementofthe
humansociety.Marr
iageisafoundational
inst
it
utionthatexistedbefor
eallother
i
nsti
tut
ions.I
tistheoldesti
nst
itut
ionintheworld.GodisaGodofpr iori
ti
es.He
establi
shedtheinsti
tut
ionofmar
ri
agebefor
etheChur
ch.Hef
ir
stsetup
mar r
iagebefor
eHecamedownt ofel
lowshi
pwit
hmani nt
hecooloft
heday
(Gen.2:18-
25;3:
8) .

Befor
et her
ewer enati
onsorgov
ernments,
schoolsorbusinesses,therewasthe
famil
y;andbeforethefami
lywasmarri
age.Marr
iageisfoundational;
itisont
his
rel
ati
onshipthatGodbegantobuil
dsoci
ety.

WhenGodbr oughtAdam andEv etogetherinthegar den,mar ri

agewast he
frameworkforthedevelopmentoft hei
rsocialinter
actionast heygrewtogether.
Itwasinthecontextofmar r
iagethattheylearnedtheirresponsibi
li
tiest
owar ds
eachotherandlivedoutthei
rcommi t
mentst oeachot her.Thehumansoci et
yin
alli
tsf
ormsdependsont heinsti
tut
ionofmar riageforsurvival.

Mar r
iagei sal sothef oundat ionuponwhi chtheChur ch,thecommuni tyof
beli
ev ers,andGod' sspecial soci etyr ests.TheNewTest amentdescr ibest he
rel
ationshi pbet weenChr istandHi sChur chasbei ngl i
ket hatofabr idegr oom
andhi sbr ide.Thisanal ogyhassi gnificantimplicationsf orunderstandi nghow
husbandsandwi vesaret or elatewi theachot her( Eph.5: 21-
23,25, 31-32) .The
rel
ationshi pbet weenChr istandHi sChur chisamodel ofwhatshoul dexi st
betweenahusbandandhi swi fe: arel ati
onshipofr espect ,mutual submi ssion,
andsacr i
fici
al l
ove.Al l
throught heBi ble,fr
om Genesi stoRev el
ation, thewor d
"house"i susedt orefertot hef ami ly,thesmal lest,buty etthemostbasi cuni tof
society.Mor ethanev erbef ore,thef ami l
yneedst hehelpofGodt obef reef rom
thetroubl es,woes, andcal ami tiest hatbef alli
tdai l
y.

Alt
hougheveryhouseandf amil
yisbuil
tbysomemanorwoman, foranyhouse
orfamil
ytoremainst andi
ngandstandthetestoft
ime, anunder
standingofwhat
thefamil
ystandsformustbegrasped.Alsoeachfamilymustbef oundedand
buil
tontheprinci
plesandmasterplanofGod,theori
ginator
.

CHAP.
2:GOD’
SMASTERPLANFORTHEFAMI
LY

"
Andl
ookt
hatt
houmaket
hem af
tert
hei
rpatt
ern,
whi
chwasshewedt
heei
nthe
mount.
"
-
Exodus25:
40

Att
empt i
ngtoputupanyphysicalst
ructurewithoutamasterplanwi
llcert
ainl
y
endinfuti
li
ty.Onceamast
erplanisdrawn, al
lthebuil
der
shav etodoisfoll
owi t
expl
ici
tl
y,toendupwi t
habeautif
ulbuil
ding.Themasterplanis,t
her
efore,t
he
"map"ofabui l
ding.

Marr
iagecanbelikenedt
oahouse.TheArchi
tectwhodrewt
hemasterpl
anis
God,whi
lethehusbandandhi
swifearet
hebuilder
s,whomustdi
l
igent
lyf
oll
ow
t
hedesi
gnoftheAr
chi
tect
,soastoexper
iencesuccessi
nthei
rmar
ri
ageand
f
amil
y.Thi
siswhyt
hescri
ptur
esexpr
essl
ysay s:

"
Forever
yhousei
sbui
l
dedbysomeman;
buthet
hatbui
l
tal
lthi
ngsi
sGod.
"
-
Hebrews3:
4

"
Throughwi
sdom i
sanhousebui
l
ded;
andbyunder
standi
ngi
tisest
abl
i
shed.
"
-
Prover
bs24:
3

ThePlan
God'spl
anformarr
iageasani nst
ituti
onandthefamil
yiscl
earl
ystatedinHis
word.Thi
splanhastobediscovered,under
stoodandappli
edbefor
et hesuccess
i
nherenti
nitcanbeenjoy
ed.Genesi s2:24makesthi
sabundantl
yclear:

"
Ther
efor
eshallamanleav
ehisfat
herandhi
smot
her
,andshal
lcl
eav
eunt
ohi
s
wi
feandtheyshal
lbeonefl
esh.
"

Threepri
ncipl
esstandoutcl
earl
yhere:Leave,Cleav
e,andOneFl
esh.Adi
scover
y,
underst
andingandappli
cati
onoftheseprinci
pleswil
lmakefami
l
ysuccessa
real
it
y.Let
'sexamineeachofthem bri
efl
y.

Leave
Thefi
rstpr
inci
pleinGod'smast
erplaninv
olv
esl eavi
nghome.Itisacommand.
Whenamanandhi swifecometogetheri
nmar r
iage,t
heyform anewfami
l
yunit
;
separ
ateanddiff
erentf
rom t
heoneseachoft hem arecomingfrom.

"
Theref
oreshal
lamanl
eav
ehi
sfat
herandhi
smot
her
…"
-
Genesi
s2:24

Thought hehusbandi sspeci

fical
lyinstruct
edaboutl eavi
nginthisscri
ptur
e,the
i
nstructi
oni ncludest hewifeaswel l
.Thisisbecauseunt i
lbothofthem succeed
i
nleav i
ngthei rrespect i
vehomes, theycannotest abli
shthei
rnewone.Al so,t
he
aboveinstructionisv eryspecifi
c.Itclearl
ystatesthatamanshoul dleavehis
fat
herandmot her,notsister
s,brothers,unclesoraunts.Why ?Thisi
sbecause
fat
herandmot herareone'sclosestbl oodr el
ati
ons.Ifiti
spossibl
etoleavethem,
i
tshouldbemuchmor epossibletoeasi lyl
eavebr ot
hers,si
ster
s,uncl
es,auntsor
anyotherrelation.

Ther el
ati
onshipbet
weenahusbandandwifei
spermanentandshouldnotbe
broken;buttheonebet
weenparentandchi
l
distempor
ary,and,
ther
efore,
may
bebroken.

Whatthendoesitmeantoleav
e?Leav i
nginthi
scont extmeanstogai
npar ent
al
i
ndependence.Theday-
to-
dayrunningofthenewhomeshoul dnotbethe
concer
noffather,
motherandrel
ations.Rather
,itshouldbel
eftabsol
utel
yinthe
handsofthehusbandandhiswife.Itdoesnotmeanhav i
ngnothi
ngtodowi th
parent
sany more,
butitdoesmeant ooperateasaseparateanddi st
inctfamil
y.I
t
meansdi sal
l
owingthenewf amil
yfrom bei
ngr emotel
ycontrol
ledbyt heoldones
theybotharecomingfrom.Thisshoul
dcov erall
areasofl
ife.Thispri
nciplei
sa
fundamentalone.

Physi
call
y ,
themanandhi swifeshouldl eav e.Aft
ermar r
iage,t
heidealthi
ngi s
foramanandhi swif
etomov eintotheirownhouse, whetheri
tisr
ented,leased
orbuil
tbyt hem.Nomat t
erhowsmal l t
hehouse, thesizeisnotasimpor t
antas
theobediencet oGod'sword.Evenifitisonl yoner oom tostar
twith,i
tisusually
bett
er.Thismakest headjustmentper i
odeasi erf
ort hemanandhi swife.They
areabletolivemuchmor eeasi
lyasmat ure, i
ndependentadult
s.Thisisbecause
bothofthem r equi
reti
met obealonet oget her,i
nor dert
oknoweachot herbetter
.

Asituationwhereamanandhi swif
eaftermarr
iagestil
lli
veinthesamehouse
physicall
ywitheitherparentshouldbeav oi
dedasmuchaspossi ble.I
nmost
cases, i
tstr
ainsrelat
ionships.Acoupleli
v i
ngi
naone- room apart
mentt odayhas
apot enti
alofli
vi
ngi namansi ontomorr
ow.Nev erdespisethedaysofsmal l
beginnings!

Emoti
onally,themanandhi swifearemeanttoleave.Godcr eateduswith
emoti
ons.I ti
simport
ant,howev er
,tobeabletogiveouremot ionscorr
ect
di
rect
ion.Bybi r
th,
chi
ldrenareemot i
onall
yatt
achedt othei
rpar ent
s.Thi
s
emoti
onal att
achmenttopar ent
smustbeadequat elyhandledaf t
ermarri
age,t
o
avoi
demot ionalbr
eakdowns.Mat uri
tyisr
equir
edher e.Thi
sagai nsuggestswhy
marri
ageinGod' smasterplanisforthematur
ed;formenandwomenonl y
,not
boysandgi rl
s.

Ment al
ly,t
hehusbandandhi swifeshoul dl
eav et
heirparents.Themanandhi s
wifeshouldber eadyt ot akedecisionsont heirownandacceptr esponsibil
it
yf or
them.Lifeisallaboutr esponsibili
ty!Bothofthem mustber eadyt orubmi nds
togetherindeci
sionmaki ng.Theymustber eadytof acethechallengesofl i
fe
together.Deci
sionst hatdi r
ectl
yaf f
ectt hei
rnewf ami l
yshouldnotbel eftfortheir
parentstomakef orthem.Thebl amef oranydeci si
ont hatdoesnotwor kshoul d
notbepassedont othei rparentseither.Somecoupl escannott akeanyst epin
l
ifewi t
houttheappr oval oftheirparents.Thi
soughtnott obe.Theybot hmust
l
eav ement al
ly
.

Fi
nancial
lyal
so,ahusbandandhi swifear
eexpectedtol
eavet heirparents.They
oughttobefinanci
all
yindependent
.Theymustbothbeabletowor k,
earnmoney
andbef i
nancial
l
yresponsibl
e.Theyshoul
dnotbeaf i
nanci
albur denont heir
parent
s,nei
thershoul
dt hei
rparent
sbeafinanci
albur
denont hem.

Toleavef
inanci
all
y,husbandandwi f
emustlear
ntobecont
ent
edwi t
heach
phaseoft
heirli
ves.Li
feisinphases,andmenarei
nsi
zes,myhusbandoft
en
says.
Awordofcaut
ionheret
hough!Withoutprejudi
cetoal
ltheabove,ahusbandand
hi
swif
emustensuretheyf
ulf
ill
theircovenantobl
i
gati
onstotheirpar
ents.
RememberwhatEphesi
ans6:2-
3say s:

"Honourt
hyfat
herandmother;whi
chist
hefir
stcommandmentwi
thpromi
se;
Thatitmaybewellwi
tht
hee,andthoumayestl
iv
elongont
heeart
h."

Honourmustbegiventowhom iti
sdue.Learntohonouryourpar
ent
s.Honouris
aseed.Whatyousow,youreap.Whenyoubecomeapar ent
,your
eapwhatyou
sowedtoyourownparent
s.Lif
eisgiv
eandt ake.Toreaphonouri
nyourf
uture,
youmustsowhonourseedstoday!

Cleav
e
Remembert
hef
oundat
ionscr
ipt
uref
ort
hissect
ion?

"
Theref
oreshal
lamanl
eav
ehi
sfat
herandhi
smot
her
,andshal
lcl
eav
eunt
ohi
s
wi
fe…"
-
Genesi
s2:24

Thenextpr
inci
plei
nGod'smast
erpl
anforasuccessf
ulmar
ri
ageandf
ami
l
yis
cl
eavi
ng.Whatdoesitmeant
ocleav
e?

TheAmer i
canHeri
tageDict
ionarydefi
nesthewordcl
eaveas"toadhere,cl
i
ng,or
st
ickfastt
o."I
ntheli
ghtofthi
sdef i
nit
ion,
inGod'
smasterplanhusbandsand
wives,
aremeanttoadhere,
cling,andsti
ckfastt
oeachotherforl
i
fe!

Tocleaveal
someans" j
oinedt
o."Thisdoesnotmeantogluebothofthem
toget
herphysi
cal
ly.I
tmeansacomi ngtoget
her,
ablendi
ngoftwodi st
inct
i
ndivi
dualsi
ntoone.Thi
siswhythescript
uresaysi
nEphesians5:31:

"Fort
hiscauseshallamanleav
ehi
sfatherandmot
her
,andshal
lbej
oinedunt
o
hiswif
e,andtheytwoshal
lbeonef
lesh."

Amanandhi swifewhohadhi t
hertoli
vedastwoseparate,di
sti
nctindi
viduals,
comei ntomarri
age; l
eavingfatherandmot her
,theycl
eavetoeachot herforthe
restofthei
rli
ves.Sot hen,t
heyar enomor etwoseparateanddisti
nctindivi
duals,
butnowj oi
nedtooneanot her.Thisisthebasi
sforali
fe-l
ongfell
owship,
fri
endshipandrelat
ionship!

Theef fectoft hisistogetherness,closeness,andint i

macy .I
tbringsaboutuni ty.
Itproducesoneness; onenessinall t
hings-spiri
t,soul,andbody .Onenessi n
spiri
tmeansbot hoft hem beingspirit
uall
yali
v e,
bel ongingtothesamespi ri
tual
kingdom.Onenessi nt hereal
m oft hesoul meansbot hofthem beingagr eeable,
i
nspi teoft heirindiv
idualdiff
erences.Onenessi nt herealm ofthebodyr efersto
theirphysical unionashusbandandwi fe,whi
chi st hei
rcreati
vepower .And, wow,
whenuni t
ed, nothingcanber est
rainedfrom you( Gen.11:6)!Whatasecr et!
Husbandsandwiv
esmust
,ther
efor
ebewar
eofwhat
evercanbr
ingdi
vi
sion
bet
weenthem,andgi
vei
tnoplace.

Quarrels,rancour,bi
tterness,divi
sion, misunderst
anding,malice,hatr
ed,andt he
l
ikesmustnotbeal l
owed, becauset heycanputahusbandandhi swif
eapar t
,
thoughst i
llli
vingundert hesamer oof.Aki ngdom di
videdagai nstit
sel
fcannot
stand.Cany ouimagi neahomewher eonespousehasdeep- seatedillwishes
towardst heot herspouse?Suchahomewi llbeaconducivepl aceforthedev il
to
operate.Ofcour se,ifyougi vethedev ilaplace,hewil
l t
akeyouawayf rom y our
place.Godi snott heaut horofconf usion.Wher ev
erthereisconf usi
on,thereis
everyev i
lwor k(Jms.3: 16).

Imustsayatt hi
spoint
,howev er
, t
hatt her
ecanbenocleavinguntilther
eisfir
st
aleaving.Onemustprecedetheot her.Leavi
ngcomesbeforecleaving.Godisa
Godofor derandpri
ori
ti
es.Until
amanandhi swif
ebothleavetheirrespect
ive
famil
iesfrom wher
etheycame, itwill
bei mpossi
blef
orthem tocleav etoeach
other
.

Wort
hyofnot ealso,i
sthef actt
hatleavi
ngdoesnotguaranteecleavi
ng.Cleavi
ng
i
snotautomat i
c.Iti
spossibletoleavewithoutcl
eavi
ng.Thisi
swhatr esult
sin
l
onel
iness,whichisoneoft hemajorchall
engesinhomest oday.Lonel
inesshas
l
edtodivisi
ons,separat
ions,andeventualdiv
orceinmanymar r
iages.

Cleavi
ngdoesnotjusthappenbecausetwopeopl egetintomarri
age.Itmust
neverbeassumed.Rather,i
thastobeprogrammedf oranddel
iberat
elyworked
attomakeithappen.Eff
ectiv
ecommuni cati
onisav it
al,i
ndi
spensablekeyin
makingthi
shappen.Thissubjectwi
llbeaddressedlateri
nthi
sbook.

OneFlesh
Thi
sisthethi
rdpr
inci
plei
nGod'
smast
erpl
an.

"
…Andtheyshal
lbeonef
lesh.
"
-
Genesi
s2:24

"
Wheref
oret
heyar
enomor
etwai
n,butonef
lesh.
..
"
Mat
thew19:
6

"
…Andtheytwoshal
lbeonef
lesh.
"
-
Ephesi
ans5:31

I
nGod'
seyes,
ahusbandandhi
swifear
eoneflesh!Thismustbet
her
easonwhy
Adam,
whenhefi
rstsawhi
swif
e,sai
dinGenesis2:23:

"
…Thi
sisnowboneofmybones,andfleshofmyf
lesh:sheshal
lbecal
l
ed
Woman,becauseshewast
akenoutofMan."
Onemanandonewomani namar ri
agerelat
ionshi
pequalonefl
esh.Thi
si s
God'
sari
thmetic!Thisi
sref
erri
ngtoaf usi
onofhusbandandwi fe,
twodistinct
el
ementsint
oone.Att hi
spoint
,theybecomei nsepar
abl
e;cannotbe"di
sjoined"
anymor
e.Ithasbecomeaper manentandl if
elongrel
ati
onshi
p.Thisi
snot hing
butagr
eatmy stery
!ThewordofGodat t
eststothi
sinEphesi
ans5:32.

Amy steryisatrut
hthatisi
ncompr ehensibletothereasoning,andisknowabl
e
onl
ythroughdi v
inerevel
ati
on;somethingt hatbaff
leshumanunder st
andi
ng.
Wheny ouunder st
and,appl
yandl i
vebyt hemy ster
iesofGod, youcommand
masteryont heeart
h.Themy ster
iesofGodconcer ni
ngmar r
iage,when
understoodandappliedmakesy ouovercomeev er
ymar it
al misery
!

Theuniquerelat
ionshi
pbetweenhusbandandwi feisamy st
ery.Themy ster
yof
marr
iagei st
hattwopeoplefrom di
ff
erentbackgr
ounds, havi
ngdi f
fer
entwi l
l
powers,l
ikesanddisli
kescancomet oget
herinalife-
longrel
ati
onship,andadapt
,
bl
endandcompl ementoneanother
.Thisisdif
fi
culttoexplai
n,butisreal.

Godhasnotor dainedmar r
iagetobringmisery
,butt ohelpf r
eemanf r
om ev er
y
for
m ofmi ser
y,sohecangai nmasteryi
nlif
e.Asy oufollowGod' smasterplan
concer
ningmar ri
age,Iseey ourf
reedom f
rom ev er
ymi seryinli
feest
ablished,
andseey ougainmast er
y,i
nJesus' name!Thef oll
owingt est
imonyisapr oof.

"Ihavebeenmarri
edfortenyears,andsi
ncet hent
herehasbeennopeaceinthe
home.Forme, marri
agewasn'tgood.Thingswerejustupsi
dedown.Ihadachil
d
i
n1993t hatdi
ed.Apartf
rom that,
Ihadser i
esofmiscarr
iages.Iusedt
odr
ivea
car,buti
twasnomor e.I
twasasi fevery
thingcamet oahalt.

Myhusbandst art
edcomi ngtoWinner
s'ChapelinJanuary1997.Hedi dn'
task
metocomewi thhim,becauseIwasalr
eadyat t
endi
nganot herPentecostal
chur
ch.Yet,t
herewasnopeacei nthehome.Thesi tuat
iongotwor se,andin
Junelasty
ear,thetensi
onwassohi ghthatIasked,'
Lor
d, whatwil
lIdo? '

Itol
dmyhusband,'
I
fthi
siswhatmar
ri
agei
sal
labout
,letuscal
li
tqui
ts.
'He
repl
i
ed,
'Thedoori
swideopen,
youcango.
'

Itwast
henIsatdownanddi darethi
nk.IcametoWinner
s'Chapeli
nJune,andI
begantoheart
heBishopsay,'
Ihavebeenmarri
edformanyyearsnowandt her
e
hasnotbeenanyconcernorpr
oblem i
nmyhome. '
Isaidtomyself,
'I
sitonthi
s
eart
horinanot
herplanet
?'

Butsomehow,Godhasdonei tf
orme!NowIknowIhadbeent heproblem,not
myhusband.Myhusbandi saperf
ectgent
leman.TheBi shop'
swif
ej oki
ngl
ysays
i
ftherewasanythi
ngasanotherl
if
e,shewouldsti
llchoosetomarryherhusband.
It
oocanj oy
ful
l
ysayt hesamethi
ngtoday!
"
-Neburabo,
R.(Mrs.
)
TheMyster
yofOneFl
esh
Ther
earesomanythi
ngstol
ear
nfr
om t
his.Let
'sexami
nesomeoft
hem.

TreatYourSpouseAsYourself
Anunderstandi
ngofthemy ster
yofonefl
eshwillmakehusbandandwi f
etreat
eachotherthesameway .Whatyoucannotdotoyoursel
f,don'
tdotoyour
spouse.Treaty
ourspousethewayy ouwantyourspousetotreaty
ou.Carefor
yourspousethesamewayy ouwanthi
m/hertocareforyou.

Ifyouwanty ourspouset
obeki ndt oyou,
thenyouhav earesponsi
bil
i
tytobe
kind,notcruelt
ohim/her
.Ifyouwantt oberespectedbyyourspouse,dosame
fir
st.Whaty ousowiswhaty our eap.Donotmaltreaty
ourspouse,i
fyoudonot
wantt obemal t
reat
edinreturn.Whaty ouputint
omar ri
ageiswhatitwil
lgi
ve
backt oyou!

"Fornomanev ery
ethatedhi
sownf
lesh;
butnour
ishet
handcher
ishet
hit
,ev
en
astheLordthechurch"
-Ephesi
ans5:29

TheAmer icanHerit
ageDictionarydef
ines"nour
ish"as"toprovidewithfoodor
othersubstancesnecessaryforli
feandgrowth;feed.Tofosterthedevelopment
of,promote."I
tdefi
nes"cherish"as"t
reatwit
haffecti
onandt enderness;hol
d
dear.Tokeepf ondl
yinmi nd."

Ahusbandandwi f
eshouldfosterthedev
elopmentofeachother
,promoteeach
other
,tr
eateachotherwit
haffecti
onandtender
ness,hol
deachotherdear,
and
keepeachotherf
ondlyinmind.Itt
akesanunderst
andingoft
hemy ster
yofone
fl
eshtobeabletodot hi
s.

Tol oveyourspousei
st olov
ey oursel
f,andtohatey ourspouseistohate
yourself
.Somecouplessomal t
reateachotherthattheyphy si
cal
lybeateach
other.Butanunderst
andingandappl i
cati
onoft hemy steryofonefl
eshcan
terminatethi
smisery
,justasitdidforthesi
sterinthistesti
mony:

"Myhusbanddeser tedmyt wochildrenandme, andstoppedgivi

ngusf eedi
ng
all
owance.Hewoul devenbeatmewhenev erhewasi ntown.
Atatime,hedidn'tcomehomef orsixmont hs.Igottoknowwher ehewasfrom
thecompanycal endar,andwhenIgott here,hesaidhedi dn'
ttel
lmet ocome.He
l
eftmet heref
ort hreedays!Ist
art
edseeki nghel pf
rom ev er
ywhereIcouldt
hink
of-bothfrom churchesandungodl yavenues.Butthingsjustgotworse!

Thenanel derl
ycoupleinvi
tedmet othi
schurch.Iwastouchedwhenthe
Bishop'
swi f
emi ni
steredonforgi
venessandforgett
ingt
hepast ,
andIpray
ed.
Thereaft
er,thi
ngsturnedaroundcompletel
y!Myhusbandr et
urnedandaskedf
or
forgi
veness.Mymar riagei
snowr estor
edandt her
eisnowpeacei nmyhome."
-Phil
ips,T.(Mrs.
)
MakeNoProv
isi
onForDi
vor
ce.
Doal
lwi
thi
nyourpowert
oavoi
ddi
vor
ce.

"FortheLORD, theGodofIsr
ael,sai
ththathehatet
hput
tingaway:f
orone
coverethvi
olencewithhi
sgarment ,
saiththeLORDofhosts:t
her
efor
etakeheed
toyourspir
it
, t
hatyedealnottr
eacherously.
"
-Malachi2:
16

Godhatesputt
ingaway !WhatGodhates,
youshouldhatetoo.WhatGodhas
j
oinedt
ogether
, not
hingshoul
dputasunder(
Matt.19:
5-6;Mk.10:
9).

Whent herei
sachal l
engeiny ourhome,di
vorceshouldnotbethefi
rstopt
ion
thatcomestomi nd.Rather,i
tisimpor
tanttofi
rsti
denti
fyandanaly
zethe
chall
enge.Then,
makepr oposalsandchooseapossiblesol
uti
on.Thisway,most
problemscanbesol ved.

Whatyoudon'tconf
ronty
ouneverconquer
.Becommit
tedtodealwi
thpr
obl
ems,
notwalkawayfrom t
hem.Ify
ousleepwit
hprobl
ems,
you'
ll
sti
llwakeupt
omeet
them t
henextday!

Div
orcecanbelikenedtomarit
alamputat
ion.Itcausesalotofgr
ief
,pain,
and
woundthatonl
yGodcanheal .Evenwhenawoundi sheal
ed,thescarremains,
andinmostcases,forl
if
e.Makenoplansf ordivor
ce.Remember,prev
entionis
sai
dtobebetterthancure.

Whenpartofaman'sbodyisamput ated,
evenwhenanarti
fi
cial
replacementi
s
i
nplace,t
hedif
fer
enceissti
llther
e.Peoplewhoseesuchamanf rom afarof
f
maynotnoti
cethatapartofhisbodyhasbeenamputated,
buthet hatis
concer
nedcannotcl
aimignorance!

Seewhatt
hewor
dsay
s:

"…Mosesbecauseofthehardnessofyourhear
tssuf
fer
edy
out
oputawayy
our
wives:butf
rom t
hebegi
nningitwasnotso."
-Mat t
hew19:8

"
Andunt othemarr
iedIcommand,yetnotI
,butt
heLord,Letnott
hewi
fedepar
t
f
rom herhusband…andletnott
hehusbandputawayhiswife.
"
-
ICori
nthians7:
10-
11

So,di
v or
cewasnotpar tofGod'
splanf ormarri
agefrom thebegi
nning.Oneof
thegreatesttr
agediesofourdaysisthemanymar ri
agesthatendupi ndivor
ce.
Divor
ceisal waystragi
candtraumati
c.Thebr eakdownoft hefami
lyunitisone
ofthegreatestcalamit
iesoursoci
etyfacestoday.Thepar t
ner
sgot hrough
untol
dagoni es,nottotal
koftheshatteredl
i
vesofchi l
drenwhogot hrough
turmoilanddevast
ati
on.Godvi
ewshusbandsandwivesashavingbeenbound
togetherinapermanentmar
ri
ager
elat
ionshi
p,andnothi
ngshouldbeall
owedto
putthem asunder.

Probabl
yyouar ereadingthi
sbookandhav ebeenconsider
ingdi
vorce,
accordi
ng
toyoubecauset her
eisnowayout .Holdi
t!Whoknows, thi
smightbethereason
Godgavey outheoppor tuni
tyofreadi
ngthisbook.I
fonlyyouacceptandfol
low
God'smasterplan,yourstor
ywi l
lchangeforthebet
ter.

Or,areyoualreadydivorced?Donotal l
owasenseofcondemnationto
overwhelm anddestroyy ourcol
orf
ulfutur
e.Godisarest
orer
.Doy ouknowa
miraclecanstil
ltakeplaceinyourl
ifeandfamil
ytobri
ngaboutar est
orat
ion?
Godi sarestorer
!Someonesentmet hi
stest
imonysometimeago.

"Iready
ourart
icl
einthenewspaper.I
nfact
,Ihav
eseenalotofchangesinmy
l
ife,whi
chpromptedmet ogi
vethisgl
ori
oustest
imonyoft
hewonder f
ulworksof
ourLordJesusChri
st.

Igotmarri
edin1977asanunbeliev
er,bef
oreIj
oinedt hepol
i
cefor
cei ntheyear
2000.Butsomehow,themarr
iagebrokeupasar esul
tofsomanyt hings.But
Godrebuil
tthemarr
iagef
rom theadvi
ceandinst
r uct
ionIgotfr
om yourarti
cle.

Icongrat
ulatey
ouforyoureff
orti
nenl
ighteni
ngyoungmenandwomen
concerni
ngthei
rmari
tall
ives,
sothatt
heirmarri
ageswi
llbepeacef
uland
successf
ul.
-Mr.Udual,A.(
Awka)

"AndIwil
lrestoret
oyoutheyear
sthatt
helocusthat
heat
en,
thecanker
wor
m,
andthecaterpil
l
ar,
andthepal
merworm …"
-Joel
2:25

Godwi
l
lgi
vey
ouagl
ori
oust
est
imonyt
oo!

Thegener alpri
ncipleis:
nodivorce.Butify
ouar eal
readydivorced,
Godpi cksyou
upwher ey ouare.Ifyouarere-
mar ri
ednow, Godrecognizedthemar r
iage
relat
ionshipy ouarei nnowasbinding.Whaty oudidinthepastispast ,
askGod
forforgivenessandgoonf rom there.Howy ougotint
ot hi
spresentmar ri
agenot
withstanding,iti
st heoneGodwant syoutostayinnow.Youneedt omakei ta
bibli
calrelati
onship.

Someti
meago, Ireadar esearchfi
ndi
ngwherei
twasst at
edthatdi
vorcedpeople
gener
all
ydieyoungerthant hosewhostaymarr
ied.Youshal
lnotdi
ey oung;
rat
heryoushal
lfulf
il
lthenumberofy ourday
s!I
tpay st
ostayawayfrom div
orce,
andyouaretheonet obenef i
tify
oudo.

Now,
letmemakei
tcl
earatt
hispoi
ntt
hatGodi
saGodofasecondchance.I
f
youhav et
oorhav egonethroughdi vorce,
donotli
vel
if
ewithasenseof
condemnation.St
rai
ghtenthingsoutwi thGodandwit
hmen.Makesurethatyour
presentmarit
alst
atusi
ssucht hatwill
notrobyouofet
erni
tywi
thGod.Wit
hthis,
youaresettomaket hemostofl i
fe.

ShareYourBodiesWi thOneAnot her

Husbandsandwi vesshouldlearntosharetheirphysi
calbodieswithoneanot her
.
Aftermarr
iage,thephysicalbodyofthehusbandbel ongst othewife,andthatof
thewifebelongstothehusband.Bot hofthem ar etoenjoysati
sfacti
onfrom
eachother'
sbody .Theyarenotexpect edtorefrai
nthei
rbodiesfrom oneanot her
anymore.Seewhatt hescr i
pturesaysinICorinthi
ans7:4-5:

"Thewifehat
hnotpowerofherownbody,butthehusband:andl
i
kewi
seal
sot
he
husbandhathnotpowerofhisownbody
,butthewife.
Defraudyenotonetheot
her…"

Manandwi f
e, underst
andt haty ourphysical
unionisyourcreati
vepower.God
creat
edsex, anditisakeypar tofourlives.I
tismeanttobeenj oyedexcl
usivel
y
byahusbandandhi swi f
eaf termar ri
age.Thisphysi
calunioniswhatproduces
chil
dren.Sexistobeenj oyed, notendured.Don'tusei
ttopuni shyourspouse!

Inmarri
age,sexistheult i
mateinonenessbet weenahusbandandwi f
e.Yoursex
l
ifeaff
ectsyouratti
tudepositi
velyornegat i
vel
y.Sexual t
ensi
onisthefoundat i
on
ofcri
sesinmanymar ri
agesandhomes, buti
tcanbeav oi
ded.Myhusbandsay s
whenamar r i
agelacksromancei tstart
ssuf f
eri
ngdisintegr
ati
on.Godi nv
ented
sexfortheexclusi
veenjoy mentofthehusbandandwi fe.TheBibl
eisabook
aboutsex.I
tt al
kshonest l
yaboutthehumansexdr iveandismor efort
hrightonit
thanmanyr ecentl
ypublishedmanual s(Judges14:1-2).Aft
erall
,i
twasnaked
EvethatGodbr oughttonakedAdam!Husbandandwi feshould,t
heref
ore,notbe
ashamedofeachot her
'snakedness.

Sexinmar riageispurelyanactofgiving,soitshouldbeusedonl yinitsproper

placeandt ime,accordingtoGod'smast erplan.Forevery
thingori
ginal,t
hereisa
counterfei
t.Satanseekst operv
ertsex.Husbandandwi feusey ourbodywi t
h
yourspousecor r
ectl
y,notwithanill
orsel f
ishmot i
ve.Forexample,nevergive
yourbodyt oy ourspousebecausey ouwantt ogetsomethingfrom him/her.I
n
mar r
iage,neverbef oundprosti
tut
ingy ourbody;iti
spervert
edsex!

Whenahusbandandwi fearetr
ulyunit
edinbodyitbecomeseasyt oovercome
tempt at
ionsf
r om out
side.Remembert hatsexisonlyproperi
nthecontextof
marriage.Outsideofmar ri
age,sexissi
n(ICor.6:
9).Inactual
fact
,iti
sthescarl
et
sin,
andi tsi
nksdest i
nies!Yourdesti
nyshall
notsink!

Sothen,i
fy ouf
oll
owGod'smast erpl
anconcerni
ngmar r
iage,youwil
lsurel
y
enj
oysuccessinspi
teofthedevi
l.Goddesi
gnedmar r
iageandf amil
yli
fetobe
successf
ul.Themarr
iagerel
ati
onshipismeanttobeoneofj oyandmut ual
f
ulf
il
lment.Ri
ghtf
rom bi
bli
cal
day
smenandwomenhav
eenj
oyedt
hei
r
marr
iagesandfamil
i
es.

Youmaysay ,howev er
,judgi
ngbyy ourexperi
enceandthatofpeopl
ear oundy ou,
thateveryfamilyhasitsownpr obl
ems.Not hi
ngcanbef ar
therfr
om thetruth.For
i
nstance,thaty ouhaveheadachedoesnotnecessar i
l
ymeant hateveryoneelse
hasit.I
tisquitepossibletohaveahitch-
freefamil
yli
fehereoneart
h.Sear ching
thescript
ures,Ifoundev i
dencesofpeoplewhohadhi t
ch-f
reefamil
yliv
esby
thei
rtesti
moni esandencount erst
obackupmycl ai
m.Let'
sseesomeoft hem
bri
efl
y :

NOAH
"AndtheLORDsaiduntoNoah,Comethouandallt
hyhousei
ntot
hear
k;f
ort
hee
haveIseenri
ght
eousbeforemeinthi
sgenerat
ion.
"
-Genesi
s7:1(
emphasismine)

Aft
erthefal
lofman,Noah'
sfami
lywasthefi
rstt
odisti
ngui
shi
tselfinanevi
l
gener
ati
on.Hewassuchasuccessful
l
ymar r
iedmanthatGodsingledhi
m and
al
lmember sofhi
sfamil
youtint
hemidstofdest
ruct
ion.

I
ti samazingtoknowt hatamancansucceedinfamil
yli
feevenbefor
ethe
dispensat
ionofgrace.Thati
stosayt
hatevenbeforethecomingofJesusand
theeraofgrace,amanhadwonGod' sfavourbyhiscommitmenttohisfami
ly
.

"
ButNoahf
oundgr
acei
ntheey
esoft
heLORD.
"
-
Genesi
s6:
8

IfNoahcouldmakei t,theny ouandIhav enoexcuset of ail i

nourf ami l
ies.Ther
e
i
snor easonf orpressur e,tension,orfr
ustrat
ioninyourf ami l
y,becauseJesus
alr
eadypaidthepr iceinf ull.Hewasourper f
ectsubstitute.Hewaswounded,
brui
sed,beaten,humi l
iated, spaton,etc,sothatwemayenj oygloryandhonour
i
nourhomes.Thati swhynomanhasanyexcusef orbeat inghi swife.None
whatsoever!I
ttakesamanwhoi snotinhisri
ghtmi ndt obeathi mself.Inthe
samev ei
n,becauseahusbandandhi swi f
ear eonef l
esh, onlyamanwhoi snot
i
nhi sr
ightmi ndwillphy sicallybeathi
sspousei nmar ri
age( Mk. 10:
8)

ABRAHAM
"ForIknowhim, t
hathewillcommandhischil
drenandhi shousehol
daf t
erhim,
andtheyshallkeepthewayoft heLORD,todojusti
ceandjudgment;thatthe
LORDmaybr i
nguponAbr aham thatwhi
chhehat hspokenofhim."
-Genesi
s18:19

Abr
aham thef atherofnat
ionswasal
soav erysuccessfulmarri
edman.Inthose
day
swhent helawhadnotbeendeliv
ered,Abraham remainedfait
hful
tohi
s
bar
renwife.Evenbef or
ehebecamethefri
endofGod, hehadasuccessful
marri
age.Hisrelati
onshi
pwi t
handcl
osenesst oGoddi dnotreducehi
s
commi
tmentt
ohi
sfami
l
y;r
ather
,itenhancedi
t.

HewasamanGodcoul dcountontocommandhisf
amil
ytofol
lowaf t
erHim.If
t
rul
ywear echi
ldr
enofAbraham,itshoul
dbef
orus"
li
kefat
her,
likeson."That
'
s
whyIsai
ah51:2says:

"Lookunt
oAbraham yourf
ather
,andunt
oSaraht
hatbar
eyou:f
orIcal
l
edhi
m
alone,
andbl
essedhim,andincr
easedhi
m."

I
tistimetol ookli
keandactasourf at
her,Abraham; notonlyforalif
eoffait
h,
butalsofai
thful
nessinbuildingourfamil
i
esf oll
owingGod' sbluepri
nt.Tel
l
yoursel
fthatifAbraham di
dnothav eproblemsi nhisf amil
yli
fetheny outoo
wouldnot.Itisaboutti
mey oustar
tedwalkinginthef ootst
epsofy ourfat
her.I
f
Abraham madei t,
sowi l
lyou!

PETER
"AndwhenJesuswascomei nt
oPeter'
shouse,hesawhiswife'
smotherl
aid,
and
sickofafever.
Andhet ouchedherhand,
andt
hef
ev erl
efther
:andshearose,andmi
nist
ered
untothem.
-Matthew8:14-15

SimonPeter,oneoftheforemostapostl
esandright
-handmant oJesusduring
Hiseart
hlywalk,wasasuccessfulmarri
edman.Ther eisnoreasontodoubtthat
Peterwassuccessful
lymar r
ied,
becausetherei
snor ecor
dofanydayhi swifeor
anyofhischil
drencamet othecrusadegroundtochall
engehimf ornotf
ulf
il
li
ng
hi
smar i
talobli
gati
ons!

Ibeli
eveonemaj orr
easonhecoul dful
fil
lhi
scoursewithjoywasbecausehehad
peaceathome.Hi smarri
agewasnotanobst acl
etohismi ni
str
yorvicever
sa.
Minist
ersofthegospelneedtolearnalessonhere.Mini
stryworki
snotan
acceptabl
eexcuseforady sf
uncti
onalmar r
iageorfamil
y.IfPet
ercouldmakei
t
i
nspiteoftheti
ghtschedul
eJesusr an,noonehasanaccept abler
easontofai
l
.

Thesear eproofsthatsuccessinf amil

ylif
eisareali
ty,andonl
yfoolsdoubt
proofs.Wet heref
orehav earesponsibil
it
ytoapplyourselv
estothepri
ncipl
esof
God'swor d,whichistheblueprintformarit
alsuccess.Witht
hisunderst
anding
ofGod' smasterplan,getsettobegi nconstr
ucti
ngasuccessfulfamil
yli
fe,
free
fr
om f ai
lur
e,pressure,shame,andunpr oducti
vi
ty.

CHAP.3: WHYFAMI LYSUCCESS?

Successinany t
hinginli
fe,
andparti
cul
arl
yinmarri
age,
isnotacci
dental.I
tisa
productofproperali
gnmentwiththetr
uthofGod'
sword.Noaccidentisever
saidtobesuccessful.Noonesucceedsbychance.Asuccessf
ulmarri
agedoes
notjusthappen;i
tismadet ohappen.Awisemansaid,"
Manypeopledr eam of
success,
butother
swakeupandworkatit
!"Theresponsi
bil
i
tyforthesuccessof
yourfamil
yrest
sabsol
utel
yony
ou,andthatbegi
nswi t
hyourpercepti
onofthe
famil
y.

Thereisapurposeforev
eryexist
ingt
hing;andthefamilyi
snoexception.
Purposeispower!Whenthepurposeforthefamil
yisclear
lyunder
stood, t
hen
properfami
lystr
uctur
eandvalueswil
lbeupheld,tr
easuredandstr
engt hened.

Al ackofunderstandi
ngofandappreciat
ionforwhatt
hefamil
yisandwhati t
standsforult
imat el
ycreat
esatendencyforabuse,mi
suse,
andthetakingfor
grantedofthi
si mportanti
nst
it
uti
on,whichservesast
hefoundat
ionforevery
nat i
onandpeople.

WhyCreateFami
li
es?
Whythefamil
y?Whati
sther
easonf
ori
tsexi
stence?

"
Forever
yhousei
sbui
l
dedbysomeman…"
-
Hebrews3:
4

God'spurposef ort
hef amilyisseenint heabov escriptur
e:"everyhouseis
buil
dedbysomeman. "Fami l
iesandhousehol dsarerelati
onshipsmeantf or
buil
dingtheindivi
dual member s.Thereisabui ldi
ngpr ocessthatismeantt ot ake
placeintheliv
esoft hei ndivi
dualsthatmakeupaf ami l
yorhousehol d.The
familyi
st heGod-ordainedenv i
ronmentf orsuchbui l
dingprocess.Howev er
,
fault
yfami l
yfoundationshav er esul
tedinf amilymember sbeingpar ti
all
ybuiltup;
halfbakedindivi
duals, whichalway sresultinsociet
al andnati
onal decadence.

Therear evaluestobet aught,aswell ascharact

ertrait
st obeimbi
bedamong
familymember s,andthefami l
yenv i
ronmenti st
heGod- ordai
nedplaceforsuch
trai
ning.Withoutapr operunderstandingofwhatt hefami l
yandhomei smeant
tobe( aplaceandenv i
ronmentf orbuildinggodl
yandst rongchar
acterint
he
i
ndividuals,aplacetobuildindiv
idualsr eadytor
enderlov i
ngandself
less
servi
ce),thathouseorf amilycannotbebui l
tup,nei
thercanthatnati
onbe
establi
shed.TheLor dJesussai d,

"
Ahousediv
idedagai
nsti
tsel
fcannotst
and"
(
Matt
.12:
25).

I
tissoimportantthatyouhaveaclearpi
ctur
eofwhatthefamil
ystandsf
or,
that
youseewhatt heori
ginat
or(God)hadinmindwhenHecr eat
edit
.This
under
standi
ngwi l
lhelpyouapprai
seyourownfamil
y.

Wehav eseenhowt heBibl

eusesthewor d"
house"torefertothesmall
estand
mostbasicunitofthesoci
ety-
thefami
ly.Wehav eal
soest abl
i
shedthatthe
houseisthefoundati
onofanysoci
ety,
andthatmar r
iageiswhatformstheini
tial
foundat
ionforever
yhouse.Thi
smeanst hattheheal
thofanynat i
onorsociet
yi s
deter
mi nedbytheheal
thofthef
amil
iesint
hatnat
ion,andt
heheal
thofthe
famil
iesinthatnat
ioni
sdetermi
nedbytheheal
thofthemarri
ager
elat
ionshi
ps
suchfami l
i
esarefoundedon.

Successfulandsolidfamili
esdon'tjustcomei ntoexi
stence.Inorderf
orthem t
o
beproperlybuil
tup,theymustbeest abl
ishedonapr opermar ri
agefoundat
ion.
Theproperf oundat
ioninvolvesfi
rstabondi ngbetweentwopeopl e-amananda
woman, afterwhichchil
drenar eborn.Thepr act
iceofchil
drenbeingbornoutof
wedlock,abandonedbabi es,theco-habi
tati
onofunmar ri
edmenandwomen, or
peopleofthesamesexi snotapr operfoundat i
ontobuil
daf amilyon.

God'
swor
dwar
nsagai
nsti
mpr
operf
oundat
ion.Lookatt
hisscr
ipt
ure:

"
Ift
hefoundat
ionsbedest
roy
ed,
whatcant
her
ight
eousdo?
"
-
Psalm 11:
3

I
fthef
amilyfoundati
oni
sfaul
ty,
thenther
esul
tyouwi
l
lgetwi
l
lbef
aul
typeopl
e
i
nsoci
ety
,thatwillev
ent
ual
lyl
eadallt
omisery
.

Ever
yChr i
stiancoupleshouldaspir
et osucceedi nthei
rmarriageandfamil
ylif
e,
eventhoughsomet hi
nkitisactual
lynoone' sbusinesswhethertheymakeitor
noti
nmar ri
age.Thati serr
oneous,especiall
ybecauset hesuccessorfai
lur
eofa
famil
y,par
ticular
lyaChrist
ianfamil
y ,
hasf argreateref
fect
sthanmanycoupl es
know.

MustTheFamilySucceed?
Howcanwebesur ethatGoddesi
gnedt
hef
ami
l
ytosucceed?Let
'sexami
net
his
subj
ectbr
ief
ly.

TheLor
dGodCaused…

"Andt heLordGodcausedadeepsleeptofalluponAdam, andhesl

ept
:andtook
oneofhi sri
bs,andclosedupt
hefl
eshinst
eadt hereof;
Andt herib,
whichtheLordGodhadtakenf
r om man, madeheawoman, and
broughtheruntotheman. "
-Genesis2:21-
22

ThisaccountinthebookofGenesi si
stheaccountoftheveryfir
stwedding
ceremony.Godwaspr act
ical
lyinvolv
edintheinst
it
uti
onoft hefi
rstf
amilyuni
t
ever.Goddidnotjustspeakitintoexist
enceli
keHedi dtherestofcr
eati
on,He
madeAdam.Hecausedhi mt osleepadeepsleep,andthent ookari
bfrom hi
s
si
de.Outoft hi
srib,Heformedt hewomanandbr oughtheruntoAdam.

GodHimself,
therefore,
wastheini
tiat
or.Thi
smeanst hent
hatmarriageisrooted
i
ndivi
nit
y.Withoutanydoubt,anyt
hingassoci
atedwit
hGodi smeantt osucceed.
Marr
iageisassociatedwit
hGod,theref
ore,i
tismeanttobesuccessful.
Hesaid,"Bef ruit
ful…"
"SoGodcr eat edmani nhisownimage,inthei mageofGodcr eatedhehim;male
andfemal ecr eat
edhet hem.
AndGodbl essedt hem,andGodsaiduntot hem,Bef r
uitf
ul,
andmul t
ipl
y,and
repl
eni
sht heear th,andsubduei
t:andhav edomi ni
onov ert
hefishofthesea,
andoverthef owloftheair,
andovereveryli
vingthi
ngt hatmovethuponthe
eart
h."
-Genesis1: 27-28

Godbegant hehumanf amil

ybybl
essi
ng,notcur
singi
t.Hesai
dtoAdam andEv
e,
"Befrui
tf
ul;
multi
ply
;repleni
sht
heeart
h;subduei
t!
"Whatwonderf
ulwor
dsof
blessi
ng!

Frui
tf
ulnessgoesbey ondpr
ocreati
on;itincl
udessuccessinallar
easoflif
e.I
t
al
someanshav i
ngmanygoodr esul
ts.ThefactthatGodrainedblessi
ngsonthe
fi
rstf
ami l
yisaclearindi
cat
ionthateveryfamilyi
smeanttobesuccessf ul
.
Theseblessi
ngswi l
lanswerforyou,i
nJesus' name!

HaveDomi ni
on…!
"…Havedominionovert
hefi
shoft
hesea,andov
ert
hef
owloft
heai
r,andov
er
everyli
vi
ngthi
ngthatmovet
hupontheear
th.
"
-Genesi
s1:28

TheAmer i
canHerit
ageDi ct
ionarydefines" dominion"as"contr
ol ort
heexerci
se
ofcontr
ol.
"Thefamilywasest abl
ished,t heref
ore,tohavedomi nion;
thati
s,to
haveandexerci
secontrol.I
twasest ablishedt obeincontrolof,andnotunder
thecont
rolofci
rcumstancesandsi tuati
onsofl i
fe.Thi
sinitsel
fisasignthatit
wasestabl
ishedforsuccess.

HePutThem InEden
"AndtheLORDGodtookt
heman,
andputhi
mint
otheGar
denofEdent
odr
essi
t
andtokeepit.
"
-Genesi
s2:15

I
tisevi
dentthatthefamil
ywasdesignedforsuccess,
becauseofthepl
ace
whereGodplacedthem.Ifyouhav
er eadthedescri
pti
onofEden,youwi
ll
appr
eciat
ethefactthatEdenwasnowi l
derness.I
nfact,
itl
i
ter
all
ymeansdeli
ght
,
orgr
eatpleasur
e.

Godpl acedt hefi

rstcoupleinapl aceofpleasure.Hisdesir
eist hatyourfamil
y
givesy oupleasure.Al l
famil
ymember sshouldenjoyoneanot her,experi
ence
ful
fill
ment ,l
aughterandexci t
ement .Heneverintendedthefamilytoexper i
ence
pressur e,
butpleasure.Hedesi gnedthefamilytomakel if
epleasur abl
e.Incase
thesituationinyourf amil
yisfarfrom bei
ngpleasant,asyoureadt hi
sbook,
believeGodf orar eversal
,anditshallbesofory ou!
TheyWereNotAshamed
"Andt
heywerebothnaked,
themanandhi
swi
fe,
andwer
enotashamed.
"
-
Genesis2:
25

Godi nst
it
utedmar r
iagetoensuret
hatmannev erexper
iencedshame.Mar
ri
age
broughtmani ntoastateofbett
erl
ivi
ng,
glor
y,andbeaut y
.Therewasnocause
forfearorregret
.

Thethi
rdreasonGodinst
it
utedt
hef
amil
y,andoneofmanyreasonsHedesigned
i
tforsuccess,i
stot
akeshameawayfr
om you.Youwi
ll
notseeshameany more!

ThisBeginningofMiracl
es…
"Thisbeginni
ngofmi r
aclesdi
dJesusi
nCanaofGal
i
lee,
andmani
fest
edf
ort
hhi
s
glory;
andhi sdi
sci
plesbeli
evedonhi
m."
-John2:11

I
tisabsolutel
yawesomet odiscovert
hatthefir
stmiracl
eeverperf
ormedby
JesusduringHiseart
hlymini
strywasataweddi ngceremony.GodisaGodof
pri
ori
ti
es,whowoul dalwaysputfi
rstt
hingsfi
rst.Byt
hismiracl
e,Heputast
amp
ofapprov
al ontheneedforsuccessinthefamil
y .

Atthi
spar t
icularweddi
ng,thewinehadfi
nished.Thewineher
erepresentsjoy
.
Jesusthenst eppedin,
inst
ruct
edthem onwhatt odo,
theyobeyedandt hushad
morewi nethanattheonsetofthewedding.

Thef amil
yisordai
nedofGodtobeami r
aclecentr
e!Manyhav
eandaresti
ll
enjoyingmiracl
esi
nthei
rmarr
iagesandfamil
ies;
yourswi
ll
bethenext
!Readthi
s
testi
mony :

"Twoyearsago,Ihadproblemsinmymar ri
age,andi
teventual
l
ybrokeup.A
sist
eri
nvit
edmeher e,andsinceIstar
tedcomingandheari
ngthewisdom ofGod,
mymar r
iagehasnowbeenr est
ored.Myhusbandisevenherei
nchurch;
hei sa
WOFBI(Wor dofFait
hBibleInst
it
ute)JuneSpeci
alst
udent!
"

Thi
steachest hatobedi
encet
oGod'swordbri
ngssustai
nedjoyandf
ulf
il
lment
i
ntoamar r
iage.Italsor
emovesshame.Yourshameisover
,andthet
imef ory
our
mir
aclei
sher e!

ConsequencesOfABadMar r
iage
Whatthenaretheconsequencesofabadmarr
iage?Whathappenswhena
coupl
edoesnotsucceedintheirmarr
iage?

YourChr
ist
ianTest
imonyI
sAf f
ect
ed
"Fort
henameofGodisblasphemedamongt
heGent
il
est
hroughy
ou…"
-
Romans2:24
WhenaChr istianf amilyfai
ls,i
tgiv
esunbel i
ever
sr oom toblasphemet hename
ofGod.Wheny ourunbelievi
ngneighboursheary ouandy ourwifefight
ingand
quarrel
ingev ery day,call
i
ngy ourchil
drenallmannerofungodl ynames, oryour
chil
drenaret ypi calexamplesofwhatt heBiblerefer
stoas" unruly
",your
Chri
st i
antestimonyi sactuall
ywhati sbei
ngaf f
ected.Howwi l
lyouwi t
nessto
them orinvi
tet hem t ochurch,whent heyareawar eofthesituati
oniny ourf
amily
?
Thereisnothi ngt oemul ateinyourfamily
.

Asaman, i
fy oushyawayf r
om y ourcovenantr esponsi
bili
ti
esinthehome- such
astheprovisi
onofbasi cnecessiti
esoflife,
howdoy ouexpectt heunbeli
evers
aroundyout oacceptyourChristi
ant est
imony ?Ifamant ravelsoutoftownjust
atthepointwhenhi swifei
saboutt oputt obedorhi schildrenareaboutto
resumeatschool ,makingnopr ovi
sionswhat soeverforthem, whatki
ndof
testi
monydoeshehav e?Theseaf fecthisChristi
antesti
monynegat iv
ely.

I
tHindersAnswerstoPrayer
s
"Li
kewise,
yehusbands,dwel
lwit
ht hem accordi
ngt
oknowledge,
givi
nghonour
untothewife,
asuntotheweakervessel,andasbei
nghei
rstoget
heroft
hegrace
ofli
fe;t
hatyourpr
ayer
sbenothinder ed.
"
-1Peter3:
7

Dishar
monyinaChr i
sti
anhomeisthefastestwaytohindery
ouf rom r
eceivi
ng
answerstopray
er.Rememberthatpr
ay eri
sessent
ial
l
ycommuni cat
ionwi t
hGod.
Wheny ourf
amilyi
sindisar
ray
,tr
yasy oumay ,y
ourprayerwi
llbehindered.

EveryChristi
anr equir
esthatspecialr
elationshipwi t
hGodt hatisculti
vat
edaswe
spendtimei ncommuni onwithHim.Butwheny ouandy ourspouseormember s
ofyourhousehol darealwaysatl
ogger heads, notonl yyourrel
at i
onshi
pwi t
h
them i
saf fected,yourrel
ati
onshi
pwi thGodi saf fectedaswell!Remembert hat
God'seyesr unt oandf r
otheearth.SoHeseesy ouwheny ou'
refighti
ngwith
yourspouse, afterwhichyougot ochur chtopr ayandf el
lowship.Godisnot
mocked; Hecannotbedecei ved.

Asyoust
rai
ghtenouty
ourrel
ati
onshipwit
hyourfami
lymembers,
your
communi
cati
onlinewi
thGodwillnotbebl
ocked,
inJesus'
name!

YourGi vingisUnfrui
tf
ul
"Thereforeifthoubri
ngt hygi
fttotheal
tar,
andther
erememberestthatthy
brotherhathoughtagai nstt
hee;
Leav etherethygif
tbeforethealtar,
andgothyway;fi
rstber
econci
l
edt othy
brother,andthencomeandof ferthygi
ft
."
-Matthew5: 23-24

Thi
sexplai
nswhyal otofChr
ist
iansgi
vesomuch,yetr
ecei
vesolit
tl
e!They
quar
rel
andf i
ghtathome,andthenbri
ngthei
rgi
ft
stotheal
tarandexpecti
ttobe
fr
uit
ful.Gi
vi
ngisaf uti
leexer
ciseunt
ilt
here'
ssanct
it
yint
hehome.Godisnotin
need;evenifHewer e,
nohumani squali
fi
edtomeetHisneeds!Weal
ldependon
Himforsustenance.

Hearthi
s,yourfir
stnei
ghbouri
sy ourspouseandmember sofyourhousehold.
SoifyouwantGodt ohonouryourseedssown, ensur
ey ouar
eatpeacewi t
hy our
famil
y.Unt
ilthatisi
nplace,
yourgivi
ngamountst onothi
ng.

TheFutureOfYourChil
drenI
sAf fect
ed
Famil
ydisharmonygreatl
yaf
fectsthefut
ureoft
hechi
l
dreni
nsuchhomes.This
i
sprimaril
ybecauseforachi
ld,"
anounceofexamplei
swort
hmuchmoret hana
tonofpreachment"
,saysawiseman.

Whenev eryouar equarrel

ingandf ighti
ng,yourchil
dr enaret aki
ngnoteofit.One
day,theywillasky ouwhet heryouar egenui nel
ybor n-agai
n!Ont heotherhand,
youmustal sor eali
sethatwhat ev eryourmar ri
agelooksl ikecouldbedupli
cated
i
nt heirhomesi nthefuture.Childrenatt heendoft hedayl ookli
kethei
rparents.
Woul dyouwanty ourchil
drent obedoi ngwhaty ouar edoi ngnow?That'
saf ood
forthought!Cany ouboldlyasky ourchil
drent ofol
lowy ouasy oufoll
owGod?
Woul dn'
ttheymi ssheaveni ftheywer etof oll
owy ourexampl e?

Don'tletyourlackofcommi t
mentt othesuccessofy ourfamilybecomea
hindrancetoy ourchi
ldreninthefutur
e.Thosechil
dr enmaybesmal lnow,but
theyarethef utur
egener at
ion.Neverunder-
esti
mat eyourchildren;t
heyknow
exactlywhatgoesoni nyourbedroom lat
eatnight.Bewar e!Mayy ouleav
ea
Christi
anlegacyf ory
ourchi l
dren;
mayt heyremembery ouforgood!

Inconcludi
ngthischapter,
letmest ateveryclearl
ythatGoddesignedmar r
iage
andfami l
yforsuccess.Forthissuccesstobecomear eali
ty,
howev er
,each
mar r
iagepart
nerhaspar t
st oplay.Manisthepr i
mar ybenefi
ciar
yoffamily
success,notGod.Ifyourmar ri
agesucceeds,y ouaretheonetobenefit
,andifi
t
fai
lsy ouar
etheonet osuffer.Youshallsucceed!

CHAP.4:
LAYI
NGASOLI
DFOUNDATI
ON

"
Ift
hef
oundat
ionsbedest
roy
ed,
whatcant
her
ight
eousdo?
"
-Psal
ms11:
3

Abui
ldi
ngisonlyasgoodasi tsfoundati
on.Thati
swhysomebui ldi
ngscoll
apse
i
nspi
teofthei
rbeauti
fularchit
ecturaldesi
gns.Not
hingcanadequatel
ysubsti
tut
e
t
heneedforasoli
df oundation.Thefami l
yisnotl
eftout
.It
ssuccesshingeson
t
hequali
tyofi
tsfoundation.

Theper
iodbeforet
heweddingcanberegar
dedasthefoundat
ion-
lay
ingper
iod
fort
hefami
ly.Theri
ghtchoi
ceofali
fepart
ner
,thequal
it
yofthecourt
shi
p,etc,
al
ldet
ermi
nej
usthowsuccessf
ult
hemar
ri
agewi
l
lbe.

Therearesomev er
ysimpl
ebasicprinci
plesIshall
bedi scussi
nghere.Note,
however,t
hatintheirsi
mpli
cit
yisprofundit
y.Theseprinci
plescannotbe
over
looked,becausesuccessisnotguaranteedwithoutafirm gr
iponthem.Let
's
examinethem closel
y.

Mar r
yAChr i
sti
an
"Beyenotunequallyyokedtogetherwi
thunbel
i
evers:forwhatf
ell
owshiphath
ri
ghteousnesswithunri
ghteousness?andwhatcommuni onhat
hlightwit
h
darkness?
Andwhatconcor dhathChr i
stwithBel
ial
?orwhatparthathhet
hatbeli
evethwit
h
aninfi
del?"
-2Cor i
nthi
ans6:14-15

Threewor dsstandoutcl earl

yhere:f
ell
owship,communi on,andconcor d.Let's
bri
eflytakeacl oserl
ookateachoft hesewor ds.Fel
lowshipmeanst oshar e
simil
arinterest
s, i
dealsorexper i
ences.Itmeansequals,sharingsimilarinter
ests.
Concor dmeanshar monyoragr eementofi nter
estsorfeeli
ng.Communi on
meanst heactorani nstanceofshar i
ngasoft houghtsorfeelings.Theset hree
wordscommuni cat
eauni queandclearmessage: "t
ogetherness."Youwi l
lfi
nd
thatthesewor ds-fellowship,communi on,andconcordsummar i
zewhat
mar r
iageisallabout.

Takethesethreecomponent soutofmarri
age,anditisdoomed,
because
marri
agei samy ster
iousunionoft wodi
ffer
entindivi
dual
swhocomet oget
heri
n
aspecialcovenantrelat
ionship.Somarr
iageisallaboutt
oget
her
ness.

I
ffamil
ysuccessisyourgoal
asaChri
sti
an,
youmustensur
ethatyouget
marr
iedtoaChrist
ian.Thi
sway,
youwil
lbel
ayi
ngasoli
dfoundat
ion.

Asav edpersonandanunbel i
evercannothavereal
fell
owship,communionor
concord.Thisi
spr i
mari
lybecausethereisafundamentaldi
fferencebet
weent
he
characterandl
ifeofonewhoi ssavedandonewhoi snotsaved.Icanhear
someoneask, "HowdoIknowt hedif
ferencebet
weent hem?"Youknowt he
dif
ferencebytheirf
rui
ts(Matt
.7:20)
!

Apersonalrel
ati
onshipwithJesusisthecornerstoneofanysuccessfulmarr
iage
(Col
.1:
13).Thereisnomeet i
ngpointbetweenaChr i
sti
anandasinner(Gen.24:3)
.
Iti
sunbibli
calf
oraChr i
sti
ant omarryanon-Christi
an.
Twopeopl egoi
ngi ntomarr
iagemustofnecessi tydosowi t
hsomeonei nthe
samespi r
it
ualkingdom (
Amos3: 3).Abr
aham thef atheroff
ait
hknewsowel lthe
i
mpor t
anceofhi ssonmar r
yingfr
om amonghi sbr et
hrenandnotfrom j
ust
anywhere.Hecommanded:

"
Butt
houshal
tgount
omycount
ry,
andt
omyki
ndr
ed,
andt
akeawi
feunt
omy
sonIsaac.
"
-Genesis24:
4

TheAbr ahami ccov enantdoesnotpermi tyout omarryastranger

;itmustbe
fr
om amongy ourbrethren.WeaschildrenofAbr aham mustdol i
kewise.Thereis
atendencyf orChr i
stianmenandwoment osuccumbt osocial
,fi
nancial,
or
parentalpressures.Butnomat terwheret hepressureiscomingfrom,y oumust
makeupy ourmi ndt hatnothi
ngwill
dr i
vey ouintoarelat
ionshi
pwi t
han
unbeliever
.Thatwi llbeequaltobuil
dingonaf aul
tyfoundati
on!Suchabui ldi
ng
wil
l coll
apselikeapackofcar dsinnot ime.Bewar e!

Someoneonceaskedme: "
Iam aChri
sti
an,anday oungmanhasaskedmyhand
i
nmarri
age.Iknowthatheisnotbor
nagain,can'
tIgoaheadandmarryhi
m and
bel
i
evethathewil
lgetbor
nagainaft
ermarriage?
"

Don'tbedeceivedt othi
nkthatyoucangoaheadt omarryanunbeli
everwit
hthe
i
ntentionofconv ert
inghim orheraf
termar r
iage;youar
enott
heHol ySpir
it
!A
Chri
stianmarryinganon- Chri
sti
anisdisobediencetoGod'
sword,andisequalt
o
bui
ldingonaf aultyfoundati
on.

I
ncasey ouareasingleChri
stianinarelationshipwithanunbeliever,
youneedto
putastoptoitnow,soitdoesnotst opyourdest iny!Yourdest
inyshallnotbe
abor
ted!Neveratt
emptt ocontinuetherelati
onship,sayingtoyoursel
f,"
Iwil
lj
ust
gotochurchandhav etheunionblessed."You'recourti
ngt r
ouble!Youcannot
mockGod; whatyousowi swhaty ouwillreap( Gal.6:
7).

Chri
sti
ansmustmar ryonlyChrist
ians.I
t'sasi mplepri
ncipl
e,butav erypower f
ul
one.Thereisaworl
dofdi f
ferencebetweent heli
feofaChr i
sti
anandt hatofan
unbeli
ever
.Bothofthem belongtotwodi fferentki
ngdomsspi r
ituall
y.Theweal t
h
andpositi
onofthemanorwomani nquest ionnotwit
hstandi
ng, thefactremains:
exceptyoubelongt
ot hesamespi ri
tualkingdom, youarebuil
dingy ourhomeon
afault
yfoundati
on.

I
nt hef
ollowi
ngscr
iptur
es,
weseehowt hewisestandri
chestki
nginIsr
ael
misseditatt
heendofhisl
ife,
becausehei
gnoredthi
sveryimport
antand
f
undament al
pri
nci
ple.

"AndSol omon' swisdom excell

edthewisdom ofallt
hechildr
enoftheeast
country
, andal lt
hewi sdom ofEgypt
.
Forhewaswi serthanallmen;thanEthantheEzr
ehite,andHeman, andChal
col
,
andDar da, t
hesonsofMahol :andhisfamewasi nallnati
onsroundabout.
"
-1Kings4: 30-31

"Soki
ngSol
omonexceededal
ltheki
ngsoft
heear
thf
orr
ichesandf
orwi
sdom.
"
-IKi
ngs10:
23
I
n2Chr oni
cles8:
11,
theBibl
erecordsthatSol
omonbuil
taseparat
ehousefor
thedaught
erofPhar
aoh,awayfrom t
heCi t
yofDav
id,
becauseitwashol
y.That
meansSolomonknewthathisunionwithPhar
aoh'
sdaught
erwasanunholy
all
i
ance.

"AndSolomonbr oughtupt hedaughterofPhar

aohoutoft hecit
yofDav i
dunto
thehousethathebui l
tforher:f
orhesaid,Mywifeshallnotdwelli
nthehouseof
Davidki
ngofIsrael,becausetheplacesarehol
y,whereuntothearkoftheLor
d
hathcome."

Justasexpect
ed,
whenSolomonwasol d,hiswi
vesturnedhi
shear
tawayf
rom
God.Youneedtotakecaut
ionandbeware!IKi
ngs11:4says:

"Foritcamet opass,whenSolomonwasold,t
hathiswivestur
nedawayhi
shear
t
afterothergods:andhishear
twasnotper
fectwit
ht heLordhi
sGod,aswast
he
heartofDav i
dhisfather
."

Thestor
yistol
dofamanwhospental lnightprayi
ngforGodtoputaseal of
appr
ovalonhispl
antomar r
yanunbel iever.Aftert
heall
-ni
ghtserv
ice,t
hegreat
manofGod,KennethHagin,askedhim whathehadbeenpr ayingabout.Whenhe
di
scover
edwhatitwas,hemadei tcl
eartot hemant hatheneedn'
thavewasted
al
lni
ghtpray
ingforsomethi
ngt hatisnotGod' swil
l!

Thati
st heprobl
em withsomebeli
ever
s;t
heywantt omakeGodapprovewhatis
cont
rar
yt oHiswill
.ButGodcannotbemanipul
ated.Hewil
lnev
erapprovewhat
i
scontrarytoHiswill
.Whatev
erGoddoesnotapproveisdoomedfr
om theonset.

BeASuccessful
Christ
ian
Successf
ulf
amil
iesareproduct
sofsuccessf
uli
ndi
vi
dual
s.I
nGenesi
s2:
19,
the
wordofGodsays:

"
AndoutofthegroundtheLor dGodformedever
ybeastofthef
iel
d,andev er
y
f
owloftheair
;andbroughtthem unt
oAdam toseewhathewouldcallthem:and
what
soeverAdam cal
ledeveryli
vi
ngcreat
ure,
thatwasthenamethereof.
"

Inessence,Godf irstgaveAdam anassi gnment,t

oseehowsuccessf ul
hewoul d
beatitbeforegi
v inghim awife.Marriageisaboutresponsi
bil
i
ty.I
fAdam could
notmanaget her esponsibi
li
tyofnami ngtheanimals,t
herewasnoguarant ee
thathecouldhandl etheaddedr esponsibi
li
tyofafamily.I
twaswhenAdam
succeededinthatassi gnmentthatGodaddedt ohimthegift
,thef
avour,and
blessi
ngofawi fe.

Asani ndiv
idual,youcannotsucceedinmar r
iageuntily
ouhav esucceededasa
si
ngle.Forinstance,i
fasasingleyoufinditdiffi
cul
ttopray,studythewordof
God,attendfell
owshiporbeofser vi
ceintheki ngdom;ifyourheartisnotpant
ing
af
terGod, thechancesthatyouwi l
ldevel
opt hesehabit
saf termarri
agearesli
m.
Thi
sisespeci
all
ytr
ueconsider
ingthefactt
hatasasi
ngleyourti
meismor eor
l
essatyourowndisposal
;youdonothav et
headdedresponsi
bil
i
tyofcar
ingfor
afamil
y.Soyoucanbemor eeffect
ivei
ntheki
ngdom ofGod.

"ButIwouldhav ey ouwit
houtcaref
ulness.Het hati
sunmar r
iedcar
ethf
ort
he
thingst
hatbel ongstotheLord,howhemaypl easetheLord:
Buthet hatismar r
iedcar
ethforthethi
ngst hatareoftheworld,
howhemay
pleasehiswi f
e."
-1Cor i
nthians7:32-33

ManyChr i
sti
ansthinkthatsuccessi
nmar r
iagei
sonlypredicat
eduponmarryi
ng
theri
ghtperson.Muchmor ethanthi
sisthefactt
hatfamilysuccessi
sbasedon
beingther
ightperson.Getseri
ouswithGod,andbeasgoodast heper
sonyou
wanttomar ry
.

Forinstance,
ifyouasaChr i
stianbrotherwanttomarryav i
rgin,areyouav i
rgin
yourself
?IfasaChr i
sti
anladyy ouwantt omar r
yapastor,
becomea" pastor
material"
.Remembert hatwaterwillal
way sseekit
sownlevel.Birdsofthesame
feat
her ,t
heysay,f
locktoget
her .Li
kealway sbeget
sli
ke.Theki ndofpersony ou
aredeterminethekindofpersony ouattr
act .

Noserious-mindedbel i
ev erwi
l
l wanttogointoarelati
onshipwithanunseri
ous
Chri
sti
an.Ev enifheorsheseesav i
sionandhearsav oiceannouncingyouashi
s
l
ifepar
tner,hemayl ikelybindthedevilandcastoutthatvisi
on,becausehe
knowsy ourspir
itual
st ate.

I
twill
amounttoawast eofeffor
ttokeeppr
ayi
ngandf asti
ngforaGod-feari
ng
wi
fe,"bombar
ding"thegat
esofheavendayandnight
,wheny ouareunserious
wi
thGody our
self.Makeyourwaysri
ghtbef
oreGodfir
st,andHewi l
lsi
mpl yadd
t
oy outhebl
essingofawife.

"Butseekyefi
rstt
heki
ngdom ofGod,
andhi
sri
ght
eousness;
andal
ltheset
hings
shallbeaddedunt
oyou.
"
-Mat t
hew6:33

Thiswast heplat
for
m uponwhi
chmyhusbandstoodtogetawif
e(me,of
course!
)Whenhedi scover
edt
hisscr
ipt
ure,
hesi
mplyinv
estedhi
sli
fei
ntothe
workofGod, andGodaddedasweethomet ohi
m.Yourowntest
imonywil
lbe
sweeter!

ThePl at
form ForYourChoi ce
From myst udies,Idiscoveredthatt
hebasi suponwhichpeoplemaket heir
choiceforli
fepartner si
st r
i-di
mensional
:phy si
cal
,soul
ish(emoti
onal,i
ntel
lect
ual)
andspi r
it
ual.Oncet heysenseabondi ngoruni tywi
thsomeoneinanyoral lthese
threeareas,theybelievethattheyhavelocatedthei
rspouse.Let
'stakeabrief
l
ookateachoft
hese.

Unit
yOfTheFl esh
Thisisarel
ati
onshi pthatthri
vesonphy sicalgrat
if
icati
on.Somepeopl egetint
o
marri
agewhent heyhav eaunityofthefleshorunityinthephysicalwith
someone.Forexampl e,youseeay oungmanorwomanandsay ,"Oh,
hei s
handsome,"or"Oh, sheisbeautiful
.Lookatherf i
gure,l
ookathercompl exi
on.
"
Allt
hathasattractedy ouissi
mpl ythephy si
calappearance.Whilenothi
ngis
wrongwiththisrealm ofattr
actioninit
self,i
tisawr ongpremiseonwhi chto
contr
actalif
e-l
ongr elati
onship.

Whatmanypeopl etendtoforgetist hatpeoplechangeov ert

ime.Themanwho
i
sbr oadshoul
dered,f
lat-
tummi ed,
andal lmuscletodaycanbecomepot -
bell
ied,
fl
abby,andbaldtomorrow.Ifyourrelati
onshipisonlybasedont hephysical
appearanceofaperson,yourlovewi ll
fadeashi sorherlookschange.Sot hen,
thi
sisnotastrongenoughf oundationt okeephusbandandwi fetogetherforli
fe.
Thereisneedforcauti
on.

Uni t
yOfTheSoul
Thesecondpl at
form uponwhi chmanypeopl edecideonamat eisthesouli
sh
platfor
m, whi
chincludest heemot i
ons,i
ntel
l
ect,
andwi l
l.Per
hapsy oufinda
womanwhor easonsl ikey oudo.Bot hofyousharethesamei nter
estsinmusic,
dance, dr
ama,etc.Soy outhink,"Ah,maybeshecanmakeagoodwi f
e."You
thinkbothofyouare" compat i
ble".

I
nanot herscenario,youmaymeetsomeone, onelookatt heper son,andy ou
"f
all
"head-over-heelsin"love".Youdev el
opstrongfeel
ingsfort heper son,and
deci
det ogetmar r
ied.Basingar elat
ionshippurel
yontheuni tyoft hesoul i
srisky
,
becauselikesanddi sli
keschangeov erti
me.Thet hi
ngsy oulikedoi ngtodayyou
mayf i
ndchi l
dishtomor row, oryousimplyloseint
erestinlater.

Thenagai n,emot i
onsar efi
ckl
e.That'
swhyy ouhearofpeoplewhof elli
nlove
andlaterfalloutoflove!Remembert hatevenvalueschange.Theref
ore,al
though
i
tisessent i
al t
oagr eeinyourl
ikesanddisli
kes,havesi
mi l
arint
erest
s,be
emotionallyattr
actedtooneanot her
,theseshouldnotbethepr i
maryreasonfor
cont
ractingamar ri
age.

Unit
yOfTheSpi rit
Themosti mportantuni
tythatmustexistbetweenamanandawoman, which
wil
lalsodeter
minehowmucht hemarri
agef l
ouri
shes,i
st hatoft
hespiri
t;and
thi
scanonlyhappenbet weent woborn-agai
nChr i
sti
ans,becauseoutsi
deChrist,
all
menar espiri
tuall
ydead.Whenanindi vi
duali
ssaidtobebor n-agai
n,i
tishis
spir
itwhi
chdiedi nAdam thathasnowbeenr e-born.

Whent her
eisuni
tyoft
hespir
it,
ther
eisanagr
eementinthefundament
al
spi
ri
tualmatt
ersl
ist
edinHebrews6:1-
2.Soi
tisnotj
ustanyChri
sti
anwhowi
l
ldo.
Fi
ndoutal
soi
fyouagr
eeoncer
tai
nfundament
alpr
inci
plesanddoct
ri
nal
issues.

"Thereforel
eavingthepri
nci
plesofthedoctr
ineofChri
st,
letusgoonunt o
perfecti
on;notlayi
ngagaint
hef oundat
ionofrepent
ancefrom deadworks,and
offaithtowardGod,
Ofthedoct ri
neofbaptisms,
andofl ayi
ngonofhands,andofresurrect
ionofthe
dead, andofeternalj
udgment."
-Hebrews6: 1-
2

I
nessence,
doy
ouagr
eeont
hef
oll
owi
ng:

Repentancefrom deadworks
Fait
htowar dsGod
Thedoct r
ineofbapti
sms( HolyGhostandimmersionbywat
er)
Thelayingonofhands(eitherfori
mpartat
ionorheal
ing)
Theresurrect
ionofthedead( ori
she/sheaSadducee)
Eter
naljudgment

Andt
oaddt
othatl
i
st:

Ar
eyouheadingi
nthesamedirecti
on?Doy ouhaveasimilarcal
l
ingorv
isi
on?
Ar
ether
eotherdoct
ri
neswhichhisorherchurchsubscr
ibesto?Doyouknow
t
hem,andareyoucomfor
tabl
ewi t
hthem?

Themosti mpor t
antoft hesedimensionsisthespi
ri
tual
,andIhavef oundout
thatevenwhent hephy sicalandsouli
sharenot100%sat i
sfact
ory
,oncet he
spir
it
ual i
sintact
,theother sal
sofindful
fi
ll
ment.Wheny ougetmarr i
edbasedon
theunityofthespiri
t,y
ou' l
lfi
ndthattheneedsofthesoulandtheflesharealso
wonder f
ull
ymet !

LesterSumr al
ldescri
bedhowhemethi swifei
noneofhi sbooksIread
somet imeback.Hesai dthefir
sttimehesawhi swi f
e,hisfl
eshtol
dhim,"Thi
s
l
adyi sbeautif
ul"(
paraphrased).Thenastheytalkedtogether
,henoti
cedthat
theyhadmanysoul i
sht hi
ngsincommon-t heyhadthesamemi ndonmany
i
ssuesofl i
fe.Butthemai nreasonhedecidedt omarryherwasherdedicati
on,
devotion,
andunwav eringloveforthethi
ngsofGod.Theywer ehappi
lymarri
ed
forabout50y earsbeforehiswifewenthomet obewi t
htheLord.

Ialsohadav er
ysimil
arexperi
ence.WhenImetmyhusband, Iobser
vedthathe
i
sav er
yhandsomeman.Somet hi
ngfrom wit
hintol
dme, "Thisistheman!"Not
onlythat,
wehad( andsti
ll
have)thesamemi ndaboutv ar
iousissuesoflif
e.But
mosti mport
antl
y,whatactual
l
ybroughtustogether
,andhashel pedusrecord
thekindofsuccessweenjoyinourmar r
iagetoday,
isthespirit
ualqual
it
ieshe
possessed:dedi
cati
onandunwav eri
ngcommi tmenttoChr i
standHi ski
ngdom.

Andguesswhat
?Hewasact
ual
l
yonat
ri
p,onki
ngdom ser
vicewhenwemet
!It
's
beenabouttwenty-
eighty
earssi
ncewef i
rstmetandagr
eedtomar
ryeachot
her,
andwehav eactual
lybeenmarri
edforabouttwent
y-t
woyear
snow,
andit'
sst
il
l
gett
ingsweeterbytheday!

MakeYourCour t
shipPurposef
ul
Court
shipist
heper i
odbetweenwhentwopeopleagreetomar r
yandwhent hey
act
uall
ydo.Asuccessfulcourt
shi
pisanecessar
ysteptowardsasuccessful
marri
age.Thereasonmanypeopleexper
iencemisunder
standi
ngsandallki
nds
oftr
oublei
nmar ri
ageisbecauset
heydidnothaveapurposefulcour
tshi
p.

Ther
ear
ecer
tai
nfact
orst
hatenhancet
hequal
i
tyofy
ourcour
tshi
p.

SpendTi meTal ki
ngToget her
Toensur eaqual i
tat
ivecourtshi
p,youmustcr
eatetimet obewithyourf
iancé(
e),
dur ingwhichy ousharethingsabouteachot
her:yourdreams,i
nter
ests,vi
ew
poi nts,
call
ingorassignment ,et
c.Thati
swhyitisimportantt
ospendt i
me
talkingtogether,notj
ustlookingateachot
herandsay i
ng,"Ohyou'
resobeauti
ful
.
Ilov eyousomuch. "

Yourwor dsareanindi
cationofyourt
houghtsandthedir
ecti
oninwhichy ouare
goi
ng.Ify ouwanttoknowi fheisaseri
ousChri
sti
an,l
ist
entohimt al
kforfive
minutes.Idiscov
eredthatiti
simpossi
blet
oseparateanindi
vidual
from his
words.

Ifyourfi
ancé(e)
,forinstance,onl
ytal
ksaboutmoney ,i
tisanindicati
onthatheor
sheismoneymi nded.Ifont heot
herhandhei sonl
yinter
est
edi ny ourphysi
que,
youwi l
lhearhim speakofnot hi
ngelse.Yourwordsareanoutfl
owoft he
thoughtsofyourhear t
.

"
Howcanye,beingevi
l,
speakgoodt
hings?f
oroutoft
heabundanceoft
hehear
t
t
hemouthspeaketh.
"
-
Mat
thew12:34

MyhusbandandIcourtedforsixyears(ver
yshor
t,isn'
tit
?),andeveryti
meI
heardhi
m speak,
Iknewt hedir
ecti
onhewasheadi ng.Iknewhi sconvi
cti
ons,
whichweremyconvict
ionsalso.Soitbecameeasyf orbothofustof l
ow
toget
her
.

Appeari nPubl i
cToget her
Thisisanot hersimpl e,
butsi gnif
icantelement .Asintendingcoupl es,youmust
makeoutt i
met oappeari npubl i
cmeet ingst ogether
.Suchpubl i
cmeet ingsmay
i
nclude, butarenotl i
mitedt o,thefoll
owi ng:churchservices,weddi ng,
mat r
iculati
onandgr aduati
oncer emoni es, publi
clect
ures, academi cseminars,
etc.Ialsoadv ocatethatasy ouappeart oget heri
npublic,wat chhowbot hofyou
conducty ourselves.Howy ourpar t
ner-
to- berespondst oissues:hisbehav i
ouror
reacti
onst oannoy ingsituati
ons.Thi swi l
l beasignalofwhatt hefutur
ehol ds.
Fori
nstance,
ifheorshelacksChr
ist
ianchar
act
er,
you'
reheadi
ngf
ort
roubl
eby
goi
ngintomarri
agewithsuchaperson.

I
fy oufindoutthatf oranysocialreason,suchashei ght
,age,educational
di
fferences,
phy sicaldefect
s,personalcar r
iage,eati
ngmanner ,etc.
, youare
ashamedt oappeari npubli
cwithy ourfuturehusbandorwi fe,andy oudon't
handleitdur
ingcour t
ship,y
oumaynev ermakeagoodcoupl e.Ber eal anddonot
got hr
oughcour tshipwiththeeyesofy ourmi ndclosed!

Court
shipShouldHaveLett
ers
Ever
ynormal court
shi
pshouldhav el
ett
ers.Alett
erissi
mplyawr i
ttenorprint
ed
communi cati
ondir
ect
edtoaper son.Oneoftheeasiestwaystocommuni cate
duri
ngcour t
shipi
sthr
oughlett
ers.Thi
sbecomesv er
yhandy,especial
l
yifthe
i
ndivi
dualsinvol
vedar
enotinthesameci tyortown.

Eventhought hereareothermeansofcommuni cati

on,suchast el
ephonesand
theli
kes,especial
lyinthesedaysoffastel
ectr
onicmediarevoluti
on,l
ett
ersar
e
sti
ll
amor eaccept ablewayofcommuni cat
ing.Suchlet
terscouldbesent
thr
oughe- mailsoranyot hermeans.

Let
ters,
dur ingthisperi
odhav eseveraladvantagesov erot
hermeansof
communi cat i
on.Forinst
ance,itcompelsyout oor ganizey
ourthoughtsl
ogical
l
y.
Becausey ouhav etheopportunityofreadi
ngitov erandagainbeforesendi
ngit,
youareabl etoorganizeyourthoughtsinapr esentablemanner.

Secondl
y, i
tbecomesadocumentt hatcanbekept ,st
oredandpreserv
edov era
peri
odoft i
mef orpossi
blefut
ureuseandr efer
ences,i
fneedbe.Thisalsoinsti
ll
s
alotofdisci
pli
neandcaut i
on,especial
lyasi tr
elat
estothecont
entandt he
possi
bil
it
yofat hir
dpartyseei
ngi t
.What ev
eryouwouldnotwanttober eminded
ofinfut
ure,youdon'twri
teinsuchletters.

Thi
rdl
y,i
tcomeshandyi
nhel
pingtodevel
opt
hewr
it
eri
nthear
tofwr
it
ing,
whi
ch
mayeventual
l
ybecomeanasseti
nfutur
e.

Thi
smeansofcommuni cati
onwasv eryhelpful whenIwasi ncourt
ship.Wewer e
bothindiffer
entcitiest hen,andt heuseoft elephoneswasnotaspopul ar.The
advantagesofcommuni cati
ngt hroughl ett
erslistedabovear esomethatwe
havepersonal l
yenjoy ed.Evennow, aftersomanyy ears,west i
l
lmaker ef
erence
tosomeoft hoselett ers.Nottool ongago, myhusbandbr oughtoutoneoft hose
l
etterswr i
tt
ent wentyy earsago, andr eadsomepor t
ionofitduri
ngachurch
ser
v i
ce.Ithelpedagr eatdeal i
ndr ivinghomesomepoi nt
swhi l
ehewas
minister
ing.Whati ft heywer enotwr it
teninletterform?Itwouldhavebeen
i
mpossi bletohav et hem asr eferencemat eri
als!

Enj
oyi
ngThingsOfMut
ualI
nter
est
Cour
tshi
pisnotj
ustat
imeofpray
er,
fast
ing,
andst
udy
ingt
hewor
dofGod;
alt
hought hesear eofgr eati
mpor t
ance.Itisalsoati
meofenj oyi
ngthingsof
mut ualint
eresttogether.Forinst
ance,bothofy oumayenjoytakingpict
ures.
Whynot ?Hav efun,butav oi
danythi
ngsinful.Suchpict
urescanbekeptf orfut
ure
ref
er ences.Theot herdayIsawsomepi cturesthatmyhusbandandIt ookbefore
wegotmar r
iedaboutt wentysevenyearsago!I twasalotoffun!Thosetimes
helpy oudiscoverwhet heryouareactuall
ymeantf oreachotherornot.

KeepYourselfPur
e!
"Fl
eealsoyouthf
ullust
s:butf
oll
owri
ghteousness,
fai
th,
char
it
y,peace,
wit
hthem
thatcal
lontheLordoutofapurehear
t.
"
-2Timothy2:22

"Marri
ageishonour
abl
einal
l
,andt
hebedundef
il
ed:butwhor
emonger
sand
adult
erer
sGodwi l
lj
udge.
"
-Heb.
13:4

Thiswor dofcautionisnecessaryatthi
sjunctur
e,becausewheny oulovean
i
ndividualandspendt i
met ogether,t
her
eisboundt obeadesi retotouch, feel
,
caressandcuddl ethatperson.Ifcar
eisnottaken,one"l
itt
le"t
hingwillleadt o
another,unti
lthebedisdef i
l
ed.Ihaveseenal otoffamil
iesintroubl
ef orthis
reason.

I
nthispartoftheworld,
ther
eisanadagethatsaysthatt
hesoupy ouwil
leatti
ll
ni
ght,whymusty oubeinahurryt
ostealoutofiti
nthemor ni
ng?Thati
sas
l
it
eralasIcanget.Ify
ou'rei
ncour
tshi
p,myadv i
ceforyouis:wai
t!Bepat
ient.
Yourti
mei scoming.

Ifyouhav ebeenmessingy
ourselv
esup, defi
l
ingthemar
ri
agebed,youhav et
o
stopitnow, soi
tdoesn'
tst
opyourdest i
ny.Anyonewhodef
il
esthemar r
iagebed
i
sconsci ouslyr
obbi
nghimsel
f/hersel
fofthehonouri
nmarri
age(Hebrews13:4)
.

I
ncasey ouhavemissedit
,ify
ouaregenuinelyr
epentant
,Godwi
llf
orgi
vey
ou
andr
estorethehonourofmarri
agebacktoy ou;
butyoumustnotgobackt
oyour
vomi
t,butdesi
stfr
om suchacts.

TheNextI
mpor
tantSt
epTowar
dsMar
ri
age

AFormalEngagement
I
nordertofulf
il
lal
lrighteousness,
ther
eisneedforati
met ofor
mall
yand
publ
iclyi
ntr
oduceyour sel
vestoparent
s,r
elat
ions,
andfri
ends.I
nsomecult
ures,
i
tisalsoatimeforthepay mentofdowry.

Don'tj
ustgrabawomanandawayy ougot ostartl
ivi
ngt ogetherasmanandwife.
Thatisver
ywr ong,especial
lyforaChrist
ian.Wisdom demandst hatyougi
ve
honourtothefamil
yofy ourwi fe/
husband-to-
bebypar t
icipati
nginaf or
mal
engagement.Paythest i
pulateddowry,butensurethatwhat soeveryoudodoes
notviol
ateyourChr
ist
ianpr
inci
ple.Whateveryougi
veasdowr
ymustbet
hings
thatwil
lglor
if
yGodandnotcondemny ourconsci
ence.

Itookacl oserlookatIsaacandRebekah'swedding.Alt
houghiti
snotatypi
cal
wedding,sinceI saacdidnotgoinsearchofRebekahhimself
,butwecanlear
na
fewlessonsf rom it.I
nGenesis24:53,
weseet hatRebekah'
speoplewer
eonly
givenpreciousandhonour ablet
hings,nott
hingsforr
it
uals!

"Andtheser
vantbr
oughtfor
thj
ewelsofsi
lv
er,andj
ewelsofgol
d,andrai
ment
s,
andgavethem t
oRebekah:hegav
ealsotoherbrot
herandtohermother
preci
ousthi
ngs.
"

Letmestatev
erycl
ear
lyher
ethati
tisv
eryscr
ipt
ural
topaydowr
y!Thi
sisagood
processt
ofol
low.

AU- Tur
nisPer mi
tted!
Somear einsuchahur rytot i
ethenuptialknotthattheydonottaketimet oget
toknoweachot herorr ef
uset obetruetoeachot her.Thecour
tshipperiodisa
ti
met oproveallt
hingsabouty ourmat e.I
t'str
uey ouhavedeci
dedt ospendt he
restofyourl
ivestogether,butyoumustnott aket hi
ngsforgr
antedeither.My
husbandoftensayshumor ouslyt
hatassumpt ionisthemotheroffrustr
ation!
Youshallnotendy ourjourneyinfr
ustr
at i
on.

"
Proveallthi
ngs;
holdfastt
hatwhi
chi
sgood.
"
1Thessaloni
ans5:21

I
fduringcourt
shipyoudiscoverthattwoofy oucannot"walk"together,thatis,
youarenotcompat i
bleand,theref
ore,cannotmakeittogether,aU- tur
nis
permitt
ed.AU-turni
nthesenseofput ti
nganendtot hecourtship.Ifyoufeel y
ou
havemadeawr ongchoice,cal
ltherelati
onshi
poff!Abrokencour tshipis
permitt
ed,i
fnecessary.I
tisbett
ertobr eakacourt
shipthant oendamar r
iagein
div
orce.Aft
erall
,abrokencour t
shipisnotthesameasadi vorce!

APublicChrist
ianWeddi ng
Everysuccessfulcour
tshipshoul
dculmi
nateinmar riage.Marr
iageisacovenant
rel
ati
onshipbetweenamanandawomanont hehor i
zontal
lev
el,t
henbetween
Godandbot hoft hem onav er
ti
call
evel
.Forthisreason,iti
simportantt
ohavea
publi
cChristi
anweddingcer emonyi
naBi bl
e-beli
evingchurch.

Whenyouhav
ey ourweddi
nginchur
ch,
youhav
eformal
l
yinv
itedGodt
obet
he
t
hir
dpart
yinyouruni
on.AndEccl
esi
ast
es4:
12says:

"Andifonepr
evai
lagai
nsthi
m,t
woshal
lwi
thst
andhi
m;andat
hreef
oldcor
dis
notquickl
ybr
oken.
"

Thati
swhyy
oumustnotj
ustpi
ckupawoman,
gounderat
ree,
asky
ourf
ri
end
t
oof fi
ciat
easwel lasblessthemarri
age, andthat'
sit!No!Orworststi
ll
,bothof
youjuststartl
iv
ingtogetherwit
houtanythingformal.Thi
si soneofthereasons
manymar riagesbreakupaf t
erafewy ears,becauseapr operChr
ist
ianwedding
i
slacking.

I
tistruet
hatmarri
ageisacov
enantrel
ati
onshi
pbetweentwopeople,buta
publi
cweddingaf
fordsmembersofyourf
amily
,communit
y ,
fri
endsandwell
wishersf
rom f
arandneart
heopport
unit
ytosharet
hejoyofthedaywi t
hyou.

Apubli
cChri
stianweddingalsomakesi ti
mpossiblef
orpeopl
etocl
aim nott
o
knowthaty
ouar emarri
ed.Al
though,i
nthis"
fast
"age,someyoungl
adiesand
evenmendon'tmi ndgoingoutwit
hmar ri
edmen/ women,apubl
i
cweddinghelps
keept
hem off
!I tsani
ti
zesyourenvi
ronment.

What
'smor e?I
thasbeendi
scoveredthatmarri
agesconduct
edi
nchur
chst
ands
agr
eaterchanceofbei
ngsuccessful
thanthosethatar
enot.

MAKI NGWRONGSRI GHT

Somepeopl egett roubledwhentheyreadmat erialsli
ket his,
pr obablybecause
theyhav ebeenl iv
ingt oget
herwit
htheirpartnerswi t
houtpay ingt hedowr y,
havingaf ormal engagementorapubl icChristi
anweddi ng.Rat hert hanfeelor
l
iveincondemnat ion,whynotmaket hingsright?Takest epsr ightaway ,goand
payt hedowr y!Ifyouar enotl
egal
lymar r
iedandy oufallundert hiscategory,
go
and" legal
i
ze"y ourunion.Thisyoucando, forinstance,bygoi ngt othecourtfora
courtweddi ng.Thenl ookforaminist
eroft hegospel tobl essy ourunion.

Timenev ercorr
ectsaner r
or!Aner r
ory est
erdayremainsaner rort
oday,excepti
t
i
scor r
ected.Youcanmakewr ongsright!Manypeoplesuf f
erundulybecause
theydespisethi
swi nningpat h.Ihaveseenwomencr uellydri
venoutoftheir
homesatt hedeathoft hei
rhusbands, becausetheirunionwas" i
ll
egal
".The
womanhasnov oi
ce, becauseshehasnol egal
standing.Wisdom isprofi
tabl
eto
dir
ect!

IrememberawomanIcounsel l
edsomet i
meago.Shehadbeengoi ngthrougha
rought i
meinherhomeandwasr eadytocalli
tqui t
s.Totopitup,shehadno
chil
d.WhenIi nter
viewedhercl osel
y,Idiscov
er edalotofloophol
es.Nothinghas
beengi venasdowr y,andtherewasnot hingl
egal l
ybindi
nghersel
fandtheman
togetherashusbandandwi fe.Nocourtweddi ng,nochurchwedding.Bothof
them justst
artedli
vingtogether.

Icounsell
edhertoensurethatthedowr yispai d,l
egalpaperssi
gnedinthecour
t
oflaw,andthei
runionbl
essedbyami nisterofthegospel.Thenextt
imeIsaw
her,shewasov er
-j
oyedandf ul
loftestimoni es.TothegloryofGod,t
odayall
is
wellwitht
hatfamily
.Tocrowni tal
l
, shei salsoexpecti
ngababy !

Par
ent
sBewar
e!
Imustsoundanot eofwar ningtoChr isti
anpar entshere.Pleasegi veroom to
yourchildrentomaket heirowndeci sionsandacceptr esponsi bil
it
iesforsuch.
Thatist heonlywayf ort hem togr owt omat uri
ty.Ifyoudonotl etthem grow,
theywillgroan!Don'tinsistthattheymustmar ryf r
om apar t
iculartri
beor
someonei nacertainpr ofession.Asl ongast hemanorwomani softheirchoice,
i
sbor n-again,andmeet sal ltheothercr it
eri
adiscussedi nthischapt er,al
low
them toobeyGod' sleadi ngint hei
rlivesconcer ningmar r
iage.Wheni ti
swel lwith
them,youal sopartakeofi t
.Itshallbewel lwithy ou,i
nJesus' name!

Chap.5:
IMPROVEYOURCOMMUNI
CATI
ONSTRATEGY

Inthefor
egoingchapters,wedi scussedthef amilyvi
s-à-vi
sGod'sbluepr i
ntor
masterplanforit
.Wehav ealsoseenwhyGodwant sfamilysuccess,what
consti
tut
esthefoundationofahome, andhowt ogoaboutl ayi
ngapr operone.
Buttostoptherewouldbel i
kemanybui l
dingproject
st er
mi nat
edmi d-wayand
l
abeled,"
AbandonedPr ojects".Thatiswhyhav inglaidasol i
dfoundation,we
needtodiscussthevari
ousbui l
dingblocksnecessar yfortheconstructi
onofa
successf
ulfamily.

"
Forever
yhousei
sbui
l
dedbysomeman;
buthet
hatbui
l
tal
lthi
ngsi
sGod.
"
-
Hebrews3:
4

Buil
dingaphysi
calhousei
shar dwork!Af ant
asti
chousecannotbewishedi
nto
exi
stence;
iti
saproductofdi
ligence.Blockmuststr
ategi
call
ycomeuponblock,
nottotal
kofall
theotheri
ntr
icaciesthatgoint
oitsconst
ructi
on.Al
otofti
me,
moneyandexperti
sealsocomei ntoplay.

Families,
li
keaphysical
house,al
sorequi
realotofhardwor kforitt
obecome
glor
ious.Everymembermustconsciousl
ycontr
ibutehi
s/herquot a,
ifi
tist
o
succeed.Justasnophy si
cal
housedropsdownf rom t
hesky ,t
hereisno
successfulfami
lyt
hatfall
sfr
om heaven;
rat
her,anysuccessfulfamil
yyousee
was" buil
t"
.

Pray
erisessenti
alt
othesuccessofahome,butiti
sinsuff
ici
ental
one.Acoupl
e
cankneeldownfrom t
odayti
llt
omorr
owpr ay
ingforagoodhome.Itwill
all
bea
wastedef
fort,
exceptt
heyfi
ndoutwhattheyneedtodot oenj
oysuccessand
appl
ythemselvestodoi
ngit
.

Agoodhomet
akesdel
i
ber
ateef
for
tst
obui
l
d.

Eff
ecti
vecommuni cati
onisoneoftherequi
rementsf
orbuil
dingasuccessf
ul
marri
ageandfamily.Theneedtoconstant
lyimpr
oveyourcommunicati
onskil
l
s
andstr
ategycannotbeover-
emphasized.
Nomat t
erhowef f
ect i
vel
yy oucommuni catewithy ourspouseandf ami l
y
member sr ightnow,y oucani mproveoni t
.Thereisalway sabetterwayofdoi ng
whatevery ouaredoi ng.Someonehassai dthatthelargestroom inthewor l
dis
theroom fori mprovement .Don'tev
erthinkthatyouar ecommuni catingthebest
waypossi ble.Youcancommuni cat
ebetterthany ouarer i
ghtnow, i
fy oucareto
constantl
yi mprovethest r
at egi
esyouengage.I nthissegment ,
weshal l
be
consideri
nghow.

WhyMustWeCommuni cate?
Thebasi
sf oraf rui
tfulandl asti
ngrelati
onshi
pinanyf amilyiseffect
ive
communication.Lackoft hi
si sthereasonforsomucht ensi
oni nmanyhomes.I t
canbesaidtobet he"mor tar"thatcementsthemar i
talrelat
ionship.
Communicationi sthekeyt osuccessi nmarri
age.Awi semansai "
d,Ifyout
alk
toget
her
,youst ayt ogether",andIbelievei
tisveryt
rue.Andy ouknow, marr
iage
i
saboutli
vingt ogether!

Let'
st akeal ookatthef i
rstfamil
y,Adam'sfami l
y;itwil
lhel
py outoappreciate
theimpor tanceofeff ectivecommuni cat
ion.GodcommandedAdam nott oeatof
thetr
eeoft heknowl edgeofgoodandev i
l.Adam, Isuppose,beli
eved,butfail
ed
toeffectivel
ycommuni catetheseri
ousnessoft hiscommandt oEve.Shet ookit
l
ightl
y, Isuppose.Ifyour eadtheaccountcarefull
y,youwillf
indthati
nEv e'
s
dial
oguewi t
ht heserpent ,shement i
onedthatGod" sai
d",
not"commanded"( Gen.
3:3)
.ButGoddi dnotjustsayi t,
Hecommandedi t!

"
Butoft
het r
eeoftheknowledgeofgoodandevil
,thoushal
tnoteatofi
t:f
ori
n
t
hedaythatthoueat
estther
eofthoushal
tsur
elydie.
"
-
Genesi
s2:17

Thewor d"commanded"i sourpointofemphasi s.Thewor dactuall

ymeans
"order…authorit
ati
vei nst
ructi
onthatsomet hi
ngbedone. "Acommandi snon-
negot i
ableandun- debatable.Thefai
lureofthefirstfamil
ywast hefai
l
ureof
Adam t osithiswifedownandmakeherunder standt hesever
it
yoftheissue.
(Thisisnott osayt hatEvewasent ir
elywit
houtf ault
.Ifshewasnotsurewhatt o
sayt otheser pent
,sheshoul dhaveaskedi ttowai tunti
lAdam camehome! )

Theissueist hatAdam shouldhav et akentheleadinthismat t

eraswel l
.Many
famil
iesarehi t
ti
ngt herockstodaybecauset hemen( husbands)whooughtt obe
taki
ngt heleadinmat ter
saffecti
ngt heirfamili
esarenot!Ibeli
evet hi
sisoneof
thestrongpointsinmyownf ami ly.Forexampl e,
myhusbandhel pedme
understandthev i
sionGodent rustedi ntohishands,aswel laseachnewphasei t
enter
si nt
o.Inturn,Ipassdownt hosei nstructi
onstoourchildren,sothatt
her
e's
nobreakdowni ncommuni cati
onatanyl evel.

Youmustbepersuadedofthi
sonet hi
ng:mar
ri
ageisaboutl
iv
ingli
vestogether;
i
tisarel
ati
onshi
pbetweenamanandawoman, whohav ecommi t
tedt
heirli
v es
fi
rstt
oGod,andthentoeachother
.So,communicat
ionmustfi
rstbeone-on-one,
betweent hemanandhi swife,andthenothermember soft
hef ami
ly
.That
responsibi
li
tycannotbeshift
edtoGod.Hewi l
lnotl
eaveheaventocometoyour
homeandspeakt oyourwif
eory ourchi
l
drenony ourbehal
f.I
tisanon-
transf
erableresponsi
bil
it
y!

COMMUNICATI NGEFFECTI VELY

Manymar
riagesbreakdownasar esul
toffault
ycommunicati
on.I
nordert
o
communi
cateeffect
ivel
y,youneedfir
sttounderst
andwhatcommunicati
onis,
andt
hent
heel ementsthatenhanceeffect
ivecommuni
cation.

WhatisCommuni cati
on?
Defi
nedsimply,communi cati
oni st
hear tofcarryi
ngonameani ngf
ul
conver
sati
on.Itismeantt obet wo-
sidedandst imulati
ng.I
nthehome, iti
s
meanttobeanav enueofsharingfeeli
ngsandr esolvi
ngdiff
erences,t
hereby
keepi
ngyourrelati
onshiponast eadycour se.Thedicti
onar
ydef i
nesitas"thear
t
ofpassi
nginformat i
onacross;thetr
ansf er
enceoft hought
s."

2-WayConv ersati
ons
Forcommuni cat
iontobeeffective,
itmustbetwo-way.Husbandandwif
emust
bothpart
icipateinconver
sationsbef or
eitcanbesaidtobecommunicat
ion.Iti
s
notaconv ersati
onifi
tisone-sided.Opencommuni cat
ioncementst
hemar r
iage
rel
ati
onshipandcr eat
esabondt hatcannotbebroken.

Gi
veexpr
essiontoyourli
fe,tal
k!Somepeoplearenotabl
etor evealtheir
i
nner
mostfeeli
ngstoanyone.Thisoughtnottobeinafamilyrel
ationship.Lear
n
t
ocommunicateyourfeel
ings,thought
s,j
oys,f
ears,
chall
enges,andpl ans.
Di
scusst
hem witht
heoney oulove!

Asy oudot hat

,youwil
l di
scoverthatthebondbetweenyouwill
growstronger
,
andy ourrel
ati
onshipwill
befi
rml ycemented.Thi
swilli
nturnbr
ingunit
yand
mutual r
espect.Oncetherei
sf r
eef l
owt oeachot
her,i
tbecomesat i
meofsweet
fel
l
owshi p.

ItBeginsWithGod
Toexper i
enceaf r
eeflowofcommuni cat
ionwit
hyourspouseandmembersof
yourhousehold,
y oumustdev el
opagoodcommuni cati
onwit
hGod.That
scri
ptureinHebrews3: 4hel
psusunderstandt
hatal
thoughever
yhousei
sbuil
t
bysomeman, Het hatbui
ldsall
thi
ngsisGod.

Godi stheulti
matebuilderofthef amil
y.Thati swhyonceamanorwomanl acks
effect
ivecommuni cati
onwi thGod, communi cat i
onbet
weenfamilymembersis
affect
ed.Consequently,thequalit
yofy ourrelati
onshi
pwithyourspousewi
l
l al
so
beaf f
ected.Ther
efore,letthecommuni cat
ionlinesbet
weeny ouandGodbe
openal lt
hetime.Learnt orubmi ndswithHi m; asyoudo,
Hisgreatmindwi
llrub
offony ourli
tt
lemind,maki ngitsharper.
Thequest
iont
heni
s,"
HowdoIcommuni
cat
eef
fect
ivel
ywi
thGod?
"

Thanksgivi
ng,PraiseandWor shi
p
Alif
eofthanksgiving,pr
aiseandwor shipi
sthepri
maryway.Ify
ouar ea"God-
prai
ser"
,itwil
lrefl
ectinyoureverydayli
fewit
hyourspouseandfamilymembers.
Youwilll
earntobeappr eciat
ive,
courteous,
consi
derat
eandloyal.Youwil
ll
ear
n
tobeinharmonywi t
hGodandpeopl e.

"…Teachi
ngandadmonishi
ngoneanotheri
npsal
msandhy
mnsandspi
ri
tual
songs,si
ngi
ngwit
hgraceinourhear
tstotheLor
d."
Colossi
ans3:
16

Gracei ntheheartwi
llaut
omatical
l
ypr oducepraiseinthemout h!Learntothank
Godf orwhatHehasdonei nyourl
ife,prai
seHimf orwhatHei sy ettodo,and
worshipHi mforwhoHei s!Wheny oudot his,
youwi l
lhavenothingt oei
ther
compl ainormurmurabout.Therewi l
lthenneverbear easontopoi ntan
accusingf i
ngeratGod.Wheny ouaccuseGod, whowi llr
escuey ou?

Accusat
ions,
mur muri
ngandcompl aini
ngaresi
gnsofingr
ati
tude.Nothi
ng
cri
ppl
esaconv er
sati
onli
keaccusations,mur
muringandcomplaini
ng!Fl
eefr
om
i
t.I
tissoseri
ousthattheBi
blesays:

"Nei
thermurmurye,
assomeoft
hem al
somur
mur
ed,
andwer
edest
roy
edoft
he
dest
royer.
"
1Corint
hians10:
10

"Andwhenthepeopl
ecomplai
ned,i
tdispl
easedtheLor
d:andtheLor
dheardi
t;
andhisangerwaski
ndl
ed;andthef
ir
eoft heLORDburntamongthem,and
consumedthem t
hatwer
eintheutt
ermostpartsoft
hecamp."
Numbers11:1

Yout hi
nkGodhasnotbeenfai
rtoyou,
andtheref
oreyoucomplain,
murmurand
grumble?RememberthatGodi
salwaysri
ght!Heisal
waysworkinginy
our
favourandfory
ourgood.

I
fyouknowhowt
otal
kwi
thGod,
youwi
l
lknowhowt
otal
kwi
thmen.

Agr
atef
ulat
ti
tudei
sthesecr
et!

APrayerf
ulLif
e
Ali
feofprayerisanot
hermajorwayofcommuningwi
thGod.Si
mplydef
ined,
pr
ayeriscommuni ngwit
hGod.Iti
sy out
alki
ngt
oGod,andGodtal
ki
ngtoy ou;
it
i
sat wo-waypurposef
ulconv
ersat
ionwit
hGod.

Theapost
lesaskedJesusi
nLuke11:
1:
"
…Lor
d,t
eachust
opr
ay…"

So,pr
ayerhast
obet
aught
.Communi
ngwi
thGodhast
obet
aught
.Phi
l
ippi
ans
4:
6says:

"
Becaref
ulfornothi
ng;butinever
ythi
ngbypr
ayerandsuppl
i
cat
ionwi
th
t
hanksgi
vi
ngletyourrequestsbemadeknownuntoGod.
"

Thi
scl
earl
yshowsthatt
hrought
hemedi um ofpr
ayer,
yourr
equest
scanbe
madeknowntoGod,andyoucanexpectanswersfr
om Him.Whatapr
ivi
l
ege!

Tal
ki
ngaboutspi
ri
tual
gif
tsi
n1Cor
int
hians12,
theBi
blesay
sinv
erse2:

"
Yeknowthaty
ewer
eGent
il
es,
car
ri
edawayunt
othesedumbi
dol
s,ev
enasy
e
wer
eled.
"

Anidol
isaf al
segod.Iti
ssomet hingvi
sibl
e,butwi
thoutsubstance.Oneofthe
char
acteri
sti
csofidol
sisthattheyaredumb.Buthall
eluyah,ourGodisnotdumb!
Godisat al
ki
ngGod!Wheny outal
kt oGod,Hetal
kstoy ou.Atalki
ngGod
comparingwitht
alki
ngmen!

Learni
nghowt ocommunewi t
hGodgr eat
lyimprovesyourcommunicati
on
str
ategywithmen.Thest
art
ingpointf
oraf r
uit
fulconver
sati
onwit
hy ourspouse
i
npar t
icul
arandfamil
ymembersingenerali
saf rui
tf
ulcommunionwi t
hGod.
Remember ,i
fyouknowhowt otal
kwithGod,youwi l
lknowhowtotalkwithmen.

TwoKindsofCommuni cati
on
Communicat
ioncanei t
herbev erbalornon-verbal
.Iti
sver
balwheni
tinvol
ves
theuseofwords.Non-verbalcommuni cat
ioninvol
vestheuseofact
ions,f
aci
al
expr
essi
ons,bodylanguage,lett
ers,
etc.

Masteri
ngt heartofv erbalcommuni cat
ionisamaj orsecretofsuccessin
marri
ageandf amil
ylife.Nevergot obedatni ghtwithsomet hi
ngagainstyour
wif
eorhusbandi nyourmi nd.Ifyoudo, youmayhav enightmaresandbad
dr
eams!Makesur ethatwhat everneedstobesor tedoutisdonesameday .This
wil
lgoal ongwayi n" cement i
ng"therel
ationshipbetweeny ouandy ourspouse,
aswellasbet weeny ouandy ourfamil
ymember s.

Whengrievancesarenotaired,anexplosi
onsomedayi sinev
itabl
e.Itremindsme
ofwhatcanhappent oabot tl
eofCoca- Col
awheni ti
sshakenr epeatedl
yov era
per
iodofti
me.I twil
leventual
lyburstopen,shat
ter
ingthebottl
e.Itbecomesv ery
i
mportant,
therefor
e,forcouplesandf amil
ymember stoensurethatnothing
comesbetweent hem thatisnotsortedout.

"Beyeangr
y,andsinnot
:letnott
hesungodownupony
ourwr
ath:Nei
thergi
ve
placet
othedevi
l.
"
-
Ephesi
ans4:
26-
27

Wheny ourconversat
ionismeaningfulandrel
evanttoy ourspouse,hewil
lnot
i
gnoreorshouty oudown.Nev erall
owanyconv ersati
ontodegenerateint
oan
argument.Ifyoudo,youareopeningthedoortot hedevil
.Formanypeople,
winni
nganar gumentismor eimportantthanwinningthei
rspouses.Argument
s
keepyouf art
herapar
tfrom eachother,bewar
eofi t!

Asawoman, f
orexampl e,youmaynotagr eewit
hadeci sionmadebyy our
husband.Thewi sestt
hingtodoatt hatti
mei stoli
stentohi m ai
rhisview,and
whenhehasf i
nished,airyourownv iewaswel l
.Iff
oranyr easony ousenset hat
anargumentisaboutt oensue,suspendt hematterti
ll
al aterdate.Communi cat
e
youropini
ontoy ourHeavenlyFatherinprayer
,andaskf orrightwords,cor
rect
ti
mingandappr oach.Butneverquarrel!

"Hethathandlet
hamat
terwi
sel
yshal
lfi
ndgood:andwhosot
rust
ethi
ntheLORD,
happyishe."
-Pr
overbs16:20

I
fyourconversat
ionalway
sendsi nanargument
,agull
yisbei
ngcreat
ed
bet
weenbot hofyou;andifnothandl
edontime,
itcanl
eadtotot
alsepar
ati
on
bet
weeny ou.

Iti
snecessarytomenti
onatthi
sjunct
urethati
nabi dtoairthei
rminds,
some
peoplespeakunadvi
sedl
y.Thi
sshowslackofdiscret
ion.Weighyourwords
befor
espeakingbecausewordsareasfr
agil
easr aweggs; oncebr
oken,t
hey
cannotbere-gat
her
ed.

"Letnocor r
uptcommunicat
ionproceedoutofyourmout
h,butt
hatwhichi
s
goodt otheuseofedi
fyi
ng,thati
tmaymi ni
stergr
aceunt
othehearer
s."
-Ephesians4:29

Somemencal lt
heirwi
vesandchi l
drenall
kindsofterri
blenames, par
ti
cul
arl
y
outofanger.Somewomeni nturnareexpert
satnaggi ng.Thatisanabuseofthe
tongue!Goddidnotcreatethetonguetospeakev i
lwor ds;
ratheri
tismeantto
beani nst
rumentofedif
icat
ion.Sweetandbitterwatercannotproceedfr
om the
samesour ceatthesamet i
me( Jms3:11).

Manypeopl
emi
suset
hei
rtonguebecauset
heyl
ackanunder
standi
ngofi
ts
pur
pose.

"
Deathandl
ifear
eint
hepoweroft
het
ongue:andt
heyt
hatl
ovei
tshal
leatt
he
f
rui
tther
eof
."
-
Prover
bs18:
21

"
Thouar
tsnar
edwi
tht
hewor
dsoft
hymout
h,t
houar
ttakenwi
tht
hewor
dsof
t
hymouth.
"
-
Prov
erbs6:
2

Therearehomest hatar
ebadlydamagedandinseri
oust r
oubl
ebecausethe
tongueisnotbei
ngcontrol
l
ed; t
heyarevi
cti
msofcorruptcommunicat
ion.But
Ephesians4:
29placestheresponsi
bil
i
tyonus.I
tsays

"
Letnocor
ruptcommuni
cat
ionpr
oceedoutofy
ourmout
h…"

Youhav
earesponsi
bil
i
tyt
oguardwhatproceedsoutofy
ourmout
h.
Awomansharedthi
smovingt
esti
monyrecentl
y:

"Somet imei n1990,myhusbandl osthisjobandfrom then,ourstrugglesstar

ted.
Later,asisterinChri
stgav emesomemoneyt ost
artabusiness.Si ncethen,I
begant oignor etheteachi
ngsoftheBishopandhi swif
eonpr i
de,andnol onger
respectedmyhusband.Ii nsul
tedhi
m whenev erhetal
kedt ome, becauseIwas
theonef endi ngfort
hef amil
y.Hebegantocompl ainofthewayIt alkedtohim,
sayingthatt herewasnosi gntoshowthatIwasbor nagain,thatInowwas
behavinglikeoneoft hewor l
dlywomen.

Buty est
erday,Icamef ortheInt
ernati
onalWomenConv enti
on, andt her
ewasa
mimi ngpresentati
onont heuseoft hetongue.Ilear
nthowt ospeakcor rect
lyt
o
myhusband, andregrett
edtheindecentway sIhadt r
eatedhimi nthepast.On
reachinghome, Ikneltdowntogr eethim andhewassur pri
sed, becauseIhad
notdonet hatbefore.Thereandthen, hebeli
evedthatsomethinggoodwoul d
comeoutoft heconv ent
ion.

Former
ly,wheneverhewant
edustohaveourmor ni
ngprayer
s,Iwouldshunhi
m
andtel
lhi
mt osayhisownprayer
s,t
hatIwouldpraywheneveritpl
easedme.But
thi
smorning,Iwastheonet
hatwokehim andthechi
ldr
enupf orpray
ers.
"
-Omotosho,O.

Corr
uptcommunicati
oncanrobacoupleofmarit
al success.Youneedtobelieve
Godtotouchyourt
onguewithcoal
soffir
e.Nomanenj oysanaggingwife.I
nt he
samevein,nowomandesir
esanagginghusband.Itisti
met ostopnagging,orit
wil
lul
ti
matelyst
opyou.

Anot
heraspectofcor r
uptcommunicati
onisgossi
p.Asafamil
yyoumustguar
d
agai
nstgossip.Neverbefoundbackbi
ti
ngandcasti
gat
ingot
herfami
l
ymember s
i
ntheirabsence.I
tbri
ngshatredanddiv
isi
onsint
oahome.

Wor dsplayamaj orparti

ncommuni cat
ion.Theimpr ovementofcommuni cati
on
technologyhasmadeourhi thert
obigworldasmall place.Butmanymar riages
breakdownasar esultoffaultycommunicati
on.Toconst ant
lyi
mprovey our
verbalcommuni cati
onstrategyandskil
ls,youmustl earnhowt ochooseanduse
ri
ghtwor ds.Remember ,wor dscreat
eatmosphere;sor ightwordswil
lcreatethe
ri
ghtatmospher
e,andwrongwor
ds,wrongatmospher
e.Goodrel
ati
onshi
psar
e
buil
tbyri
ghtwords,whi
chist
hevehi
cleforgoodcommuni
cati
on.

Non-verbal communi cationinv

olv
estheuseofothermeansofconv er
sati
on
otherthanwor ds.Act i
ons, f
aci
alexpr
essi
ons,bodylanguage,let
ter
s,areal
li
n
thi
scat egory.Thatremi ndsmeoft hepopul
arsayi
ngt hatyouracti
onspeaksso
l
oud, Ican'thearyourv oice!

Youneedtounderst
andthatofallt
hethingsyouwear,yourexpressi
onisthe
mostimport
ant
.Forexampl e,
ther
eisawayy oucanexpressdispl
easur
ewi t
hout
ut
ter
ingaword.Justbywatchingyourhusband'sbodyl
anguagey oucantell
whenheisangry
,sad,exci
ted,et
c.

Thelongeryouli
vetogetherwi
thsomeone,t
hemor eyouareabl
et oreadhi
sor
herbodylanguage.Forexampl
e,alookf
rom yourhusbandcansendacl ear
messaget oyou,whichnooneelsemayunderstand.Thati
snon-verbal
communi cat
ion.

I
nconcl udingthi
ssegment ,l
etmesayher et hatcommunicati
onisnotonl yv
ital
forhusbandsandwi ves,butforall
member soft hefami
ly.Bothverbal
andnon-
verbalt
y pesofcommuni cati
onarer equir
edandshoul d,
therefor
e,beempl oyed
bymember sforafrui
tf
ul f
amilyrel
ationship.Keepthecommuni cati
onlinesopen;
don'tal
lowt heenemytot amperwi t
hi t
.

Keepi
ngtheCommuni cat
ionLinesOpen
Whenyouwantt ohaveatel
ephonel i
neconnect
edtoy ourhouse,
thefi
rstt
hing
youdoistogototheagencyresponsibl
eandapplyf
ort hesame.Youareasked
topur
chaseaboxt oenabl
eyour ecei
veandmakecalls,andthenatel
ephone
numberisassi
gnedtoyou.

Themomenty ouareconnected,youcanf reel

ypickupyourr eceiv
eranddi alany
numberofy ourchoi
ce,prov
idedyouf ulf
il
ltherequir
edconditions.Howev er,
y ou
canonlycallsomeonewhoi salsoconnect ed!Thati
snotall.Theper sonatthe
otherendmustanswert hephonecall,beforeanymeaningful conversat
ioncan
takeplace.I
nthenextfewpages, Iwanttor el
atethi
sconceptt othe
communi cati
onprocessbetweenhusband, wif
eandmember soft hefamily.

TalkingandListening
Communi cat
ionisat wo-wayprocessthatinvolv
estalkingandli
steni
ng.
Husbandandwi feshouldmakeahabi toftalkingaboutmat t
ersthatmattert
o
them.Thiswi l
linvolv
etime,butsuchtimespenti sneverawast e,butan
i
nv estment.I
tisnotsomuchofhowl ong,buthowwel l.Suchti
meshel pin
dev el
opi
ngper sonalrel
ati
onshi
pwi theachot her,
whichi nt
urnbri
ngsabout
harmony .

Someonehassai
d,"
Agoodcommuni
cat
ori
sal
way
sagoodl
i
stener
."I
nessence,
agoodcommuni cat
orisnotonewhotal
ksallt
hetime,butonewhoknowswhen
totalkandwhent ol
ist
en.Therei
sati
mef orever
ythi
ng,sayst
hePreacheri
n
Ecclesi
astes3:
1.

Cany ouimagi
nehowf rustr
at i
ngitwil
lbef oryoutoreceiv
eaphonecall
from a
fr
iendwhospendst wentymi nutestal
ki
ng, neverall
owingyoutosayaword?You
maylistenpol
i
tel
ythefirstti
me, butcert
ainlynotthenextti
me.Whennextheor
shecall
s,youwil
ldefi
nitel
ynotbekeent opickupt hephone.

Forcommunicati
ontobemeani
ngful
,whenoneper
sonist
alki
ng,
theot
her
shoul
dli
sten.SeewhatGod'
swordsaysi
nJames1:19:

"Wher
efor
e,mybel
ovedbr
ethr
en,
letev
erymanbeswi
ftt
ohear
,sl
owt
ospeak,
sl
owtowrath.
"

Thismeansthaty
oushoul
dli
stenmor
ethanyoutalk!Someonehassai
dthat
thi
sist
hereasonwhyGodgavemantwoears,butonlyonemouth!

Onepersonshoul
dnotbetheonlyonetal
ki
ngthr
oughout
.Nomatteryour
t
emperament,nev
ermonopoli
zeadiscussi
on;
giver
oom toy
ourspouseorot
her
fami
l
ymember spresentaswel
l.

I
fyourpar
tnerisanint
rovert
,andyouareanextr
overt,bepatientenoughtoal
l
ow
hi
mt i
metot al
kandwai tf
orhimtofini
shbefor
eyour espond.Thisrequir
es
di
sci
pli
ne,however
.Goodl over
sareusual
lygoodli
steners!Learntoli
sten.

Thesamepr i
nciplewor kswheny ouarehandlingdiff
icul
ti
esorr esol
vi
ng
dif
ferences.Bothofy oushouldspeakint ur
ns; oneatatime.Youshoul dall
ow
yourspouset ofinishspeaki
ngbef or
ey outal
k.Bot hofyoushoul dnotbefound
tal
kingatthesamet i
me;beforeyouknowi tyouwi l
lbepointi
ngateachot her,
andt heonewi t
hl argermusclesbegi
nst owar m upforafinalshowdown.

Godi
saGodofor
der
,andev
eryt
hingoughtt
obedonedecent
lyandi
nor
der
!

ThePlaceofUnderstanding
"Goodunderstandi
nggivethfav
our
:butt
hewayoft
ransgr
essor
sishar
d."
-
Proverbs13:15

"Thr
oughwisdom i
sanhousebui
l
ded;
andbyunder
standi
ngi
tisest
abl
i
shed.
"
Prover
bs24:3

Thesescr i
pturesreveal
thev italpl
aceofunder st
andi
ngi nestabl
ishi
nga
successfulfamily
.Toest abli
shmeanst o"setuponaper manentbasis,t
omake
secureorper manentinacer tainplace"
.Thismeanst hatpeace,j
oy ,
love,and
favourcanbesetuponaper manentbasi sinyourfamily.Ital
someansy oucan
secureormakey ourrel
ationshipwi t
hyourhouseholdper manentbypossessing
goodunder
standi
ng.

Wheny oupossessgoodunderstanding,youwil
lcorr
ectl
yint
erpretwhaty our
spouseorfamil
ymember ssay,ratherthanreadnegati
vemeaningst oevery
stat
ementandaction.Under
standinghelpsyoureadbetweenthelines.

Relati
ngthistothenat ural
,whenyour eceiveacallf
rom someone, unti
lyou
understandwhatt hatpersonissaying,hecannotbesaidt ohavecommuni cat
ed.
Soitgoesbey ondt al
kingtounderstanding,havi
ngaclearpictur
e,orwhatt he
di
ctionarydefi
nesast o" knowandcompr ehendthenatureormeani ngof
somet hi
ng,real
izeorgr asp(something)"
.Therefor
e,underst
andingisacr uci
al
aspectofcommuni cati
on.

GiveRoom ForPossi bl
eQuestions
Anyseasonedcommuni catorknowsthati
nordert
oascertai
nhowef fect
ivehe
hasbeeni npassingacrossapieceofinf
ormati
on,heneedsaresponsefrom hi
s
audience.Theresponsecancomebywayofcomment s,
contr
ibut
ionsor
questions.

Aquest i
oni sanexpressionofinqui
rythatinvit
esorcal l
sf orarepl
y.Rel
evant
questi
ons, whenasked, shedl
ightonthesubj ectinquestion.Thereasontherei
s
alotofmi sunderst
andinginsomehomes( whichi nmostcasesr esul
tsi
nto
quarr
els),i
sassumpt ion.Yourspousehassai dsomet hi
ng, y
ouclearl
ydon't
understand,andinst
eadofaski ngforclar
if
ication,youassumeshemeansone
thi
ng,whenact uall
yshemeansanent ir
elydifferentthi
ng.

Myhusbandsay s,"Assumpti
onisthemotheroffrustr
ati
on."Thatmeans, to
assumey ouunderstandwhenyouactuall
ydidnotinvari
ablyleadstofrust
rat
ion.
Thatisonereasonsomanypeopl eareterr
ibl
yfr
ustratedintheirmarr
iageand
famil
yli
fe.

Personal
ly,
Idon'
tassumeIunderstandathi
ng.WhenIam i ndoubtonanissue,
I
l
ookf oranoppor
tunit
ytoaskrel
evantquest
ions.Therei
snocr i
meinaski
ng
questi
onstoimproveyourunder
standi
ngofasubj ectmat
ter.I
fyoumustnot
becomeaquest i
onmar k,
lear
ntoaskquesti
ons!

Remembert
heaccountbetweenPhi
l
ipandt
heEt
hiopi
aneunuchi
nAct
schapt
er
8?Readt
hefol
l
owingverses:

"…Understandestt
houwhatt hour eadest?
Andhesai d,howcanI,exceptsomemanshoul dgui
deme? …
Andt heeunuchansweredPhi l
ip,andsaid,Ipr
aythee,ofwhom speakeththe
prophetthis?Ofhi
mself,
orofsomeot herman?
ThenPhi l
ipopenedhi
smout h, andf r
om thesamescriptur
e,andpreachedunto
him Jesus."
-Acts8:30-35
Askingr
elev
antquesti
onsbr
oughtcomplet
etr
ansf or
mationf
ortheEthi
opian
eunuch,
aswellasful
fil
l
mentofmini
str
ytoPhi
lip.Quest
ionsareanint
egralpar
t
ofcommunicat
ion,i
fiti
sgoi
ngtobemeaningful.

Asaman, don'tjust"i
ssue"i
nstr
ucti
onswithoutgivi
ngy ourwi f
eorchildr
enr oom
toaskquestionsi ftheyhaveone,orseekcl
arifi
cat
ion.Don'tignorethem or
shoutatthem; rather,hel
pthei
runderst
anding.Spendtimet oexplai
nunt i
lthey
underst
and.IfAdam haddonet hi
s,Isupposehewoul dhav esav edhimselfand
hisf
ami l
yal otoft r
ouble.

TheNeedForCor r
ectTimi
ng.
Incommuni cat
ion,ti
mingi
sv i
tal
.Thati
s, knowi
ng"when"tosay"
what".Takethe
exampleofawomanwhosehusbandi sjustret
urni
ngfr
om work,
tir
ed.
Immediat
elyafterwelcominghim,sheannouncestohim nott
oexpectanyfood,
becausetherei
snot hi
nginthehouse.Andy ouwonderwhyhegetsveryangry!
Remember ,"Ahungrymani sanangryman" !

I
tmaybet ruethatther
eisnofoodinthehouse,buti
twassai
dinthewrongway,
att
hewr ongti
me, andatthewrongplace.Youmustknow"when"t
osay"what
".
I
tisfool
i
shnesst osaythi
ngsjustatanytime.

"
Af oolut
ter
ethal
lhi
smi
nd:butawi
semankeepet
hiti
nti
l
laf
ter
war
ds.
"
-
Proverbs29:
11

Thewisestil
lsayswhati
sinhisheart
,butheknowswhenandwher etosayit.
Whenthereisamat t
eryouwantresolv
ed,l
ocatether
ightplaceandtime.Not
whenyourspouseishungryorti
red,
anddefini
tel
ynotinthepresenceofhisor
hercol
leagues.

Inpresentinganissue, y
ourapproachisveryi
mportant
.Also,y
ourapproachmay
beright,butyourtoneofv oicecoul
dbedemor al
izi
ng.Fr
icti
oninfamil
ies,i
nmost
cases,isasar esultofsayingtheri
ghtthi
ngatthewrongtime,i
nt hewrongpl
ace,
orwiththewr ongv oicetone.

"Amanhathj
oybyt
heanswerofhi
smout
h:andawor
dspokeni
ndueseason,
howgoodisi
t!
"
-Pr
over
bs15:
23

Ther
eisa"dueseason"f
orev
erywor
d!Howev
er,
itt
akeswi
sdom t
obeabl
eto
i
denti
fyt
hedueseason.

I
nMat t
hew25, theBi
bletal
ksaboutt hetenv i
rginswhoawai t
edthebri
degroom.
Fiveweredescribedasfool
ish,
whi l
et heotherfi
v eweredescri
bedaswise.I
real
izedthatwhatmadet hedif
ferencebetweent hem wasti
ming.Ever
ythi
ngthe
wiseonesdi d,
thefool
ishalsodid,butatthewr ongtime.Ti
mei scruci
al.
TheNeedForPureMoti
ves
"Nowtheendoft
hecommandmenti schar
it
youtofapur
ehear
t,andofagood
consci
ence,
andoff
ait
hunfei
gned.
"
-1Ti
mothy1:
5

Godseesbey ondwhatyousaytoy ourmotiveforsay

ingi
t.Yourspouseand
fami
lymember scanhearwhaty ousay,butmaynotknowwhyy ousaidi
t.That
i
swhyt heBiblet
alksaboutapureconscience.Youmustensurethatwhatev
er
you'
resayi
ngisoutofapur econsci
ence.

Don'tbeli
kesomemen, whocallthei
rwiveslat
eatnightandsay ,"
TellmewhatI
sai
dat10: 00a.m.yesterday?Tell
menow.Whyar eyouhesitat
ing?Youmean
youhav efor
gotten?"Andwhi l
ethewi f
eistry
ingtore-col
lect
,heslapsher.Don'
t
l
augh, i
thappens!Allthemani str
y i
ngtosayis:"It
oldyounott okeepthi
scup
here.Whydidyoudoi t?
"Inst
eadofast rai
ghtfor
war dapproach,hechooses
rat
hertomaket hingscompl i
catedforher.

Godseesyourmot
ivesfordoingwhaty
ou'r
edoing.Not
hingi
shi
dfr
om Hi
sal
l
-
seei
ngeyes;
notev
ent hethought
sofyourhear
t:

Thi
spower
ful
scr
ipt
urei
nPr
over
bs15:
3iswor
thyofnot
eher
e.

"
Theey
esoft
heLor
dar
einev
erypl
ace,
behol
dingt
heev
ilandt
hegood.
"

Thishasbeenmygui dingpri
nci
pleinlif
e.Ithashel
pedmeagr eatdeal
in
ensuringthatmymot iveforwhateverIdoisacceptabl
etoGod.Mypr ayerforyou
i
st hatri
ghtfrom t
hismoment ,youwi l
lendeavour
,bythegraceofGod,toensur e
purit
yofmot ivei
ny ourcommuni cati
onatallti
mes,especi
all
ywi t
hyourfamily
member s.

GainsofCommunicat
ion
Therearegai
nsofeff
ect
ivecommuni
cat
ion.Thesei
ncl
ude,
butar
enotl
i
mit
edt
o,
thefol
l
owing:

Inanyhomewher etherei
seffect
ivecommuni cati I
on,nt
imacyisneverlacki
ng.
Int
imacyheremeanscl oseness.Thisisbecausethemor eyoulear
nt o
communi cat
e,thecloseryoubecome; andthecloseryouare,t
hemor ediffi
cul
tit
i
sf orthedevi
ltofindaccessint
oy ourrel
ati
onship.Thehusbandandwi festi
ck
together
,andtherefor
estaytogether.

Fri
endshipisanothergainofef f
ect
ivecommuni cat
ion.Fri
endshi pi
sbasedon
famil
iari
tyandemot i
onalattachment.Themor eyoucommuni catethemore
famil
iaryoubecomewi t
heachot her.Thi
sinturngetsyouat t
achedemot i
onal
l
y
toeachot her
.Emot i
onispar tandparcel
oflove.Emotionalattachmenti
swhat
makesy oustartf
eelingforeachother.Myhusbandhassai dt hatwhena
husbandandwi
fest
opf
eel
i
ngf
oreachot
her
,dangeri
satt
hedoor
.

Anot hergainofeffecti
vecommuni cationisself
-awar eness.Thi
shelpsy outo
knowy oursel
fbetter
.Yourspouseandf amilymember sserveashumanmi rr
ors
thathelpy oulocatethe"stainsony ourback",soabet t
eryoucanemer ge.When
thecommuni cati
onlinesar eopen, youar eabletobet terdiscov
eryourself
throughy ourspouseand/ orchildren.Thi sintur
nhel psy outodiscov
erand
correctcertai
nf l
awsi nyourlif
eandchar act
er,whichy oumaynothav eknown
existedbef or
e.Thissubsequent lycr eatesacceptance.

Oneot hergai
nofeffect
ivecommunicati
onisthatittri
gger
sloveandsubmissi
on.
I
tisapr ovokerofl
ovefrom t
hehusbandandsubmi ssi
onfrom t
hewife.Some
ti
meswhenawomandoesnotobeyt heinst
ructi
onofherhusband,itmaynot
necessaril
yberebel
li
onortryi
ngt
obedi ffi
cul
t,butcouldbebecauseshelacks
understandi
ng.

Whenthecommunicat
ionstr
ategyi
sconstantl
yimprov
edupon,i
tst
irsuplove.
Whenamancommuni cateswellwi
thhiswif
e,i
tbecomeseasi
ertol
av i
shhis
l
oveonher;andt
hewomani nturnf
indsiti
seasiert
osubmitt
ohim wit
hout
bei
ngcoer
ced.

Ifamanfindsitdi
ff
icul
ttolovehi
swife,i
tisasi
gnthathehasdif
fi
cult
y
communicati
ngwi t
hher.Butwhenthecommuni cat
ionl
inesar
eopen,rat
herthan
holdgr
udges,bothofthem canfr
eel
ydiscussi
ssuesandarri
veatfav
ourabl
e
concl
usi
ons.

Personall
y,Icantest
ifythatiti
sathingofj
oyformet osubmittomyhusbandi n
everyt
hing!Hedoesn'thav etocoercemeto;Idosowi l
li
ngl
yandwithease.Not
becauseofhi sti
tl
es,butbecausethecommuni cat
ionli
nesareopen.Ef
fecti
ve
communi cati
onkeepscompel l
inghisl
oveinmydirecti
onandmysubmi ssi
onin
hi
s.Sot hen,heconfi
dent l
ylooksatmeandsay s:"
Ijustl
oveyou.
"

Childr
enshoul dnotbeafrai
dt oaskthei
rparentsanyquesti
ons.Theyshould
haveasenseofbei ngloved,sotheydon'tendupbei ngwayward.Chil
dreneasi
l
y
andnat ural
lyobeythei
rparentsinanatmostpherewherethecommuni cati
on
l
inesareopen.Theyunder standthei
rparents'
inst
ructi
onssowel l
that
disobediencedoesnotthriv
einthefamily.

Becauseweconst antl
yseekt
oimprov
ethecommuni cationstrategyi
nourhome,
,
thi
shelpsourchil
drenhaveagoodunder
standi
ngoft hev i
sionofGodf orour
famil
y,sotheynatural
l
ybehavei
nsuchawayt hatposit
ivel
yaf f
ectthework.

KingDavid,i
nspi
teofhisbusyschedul
easkingofIsr
ael
,cr
eatedt
imeto
communi cat
eeffecti
vel
ywithhi
sson,Sol
omon.Hewoul dal
waysext
olthe
vi
rtuesofwisdom tohim ast
heycommunicated.
Oneofsuchinst
ancesi
srecordedbySolomoninProv
erb4:
3-9.Ther
eisagr
eat
l
essonforal
ltol
earnfr
om thi
s,especi
all
yfat
her
s.

"ForIwasmyf ather '

sson, tenderandonl ybelov edinthesightofmymot her.
Het aughtmeal so, andsai dunt ome, Letthi
nehear tr
etai
nmywor ds:keepmy
commandment s, andl i
v e.
"Getwisdom, getunder standi ng:forgetitnot;nei t
herdecli
nefrom thewor dsof
mymout h.
Forsakehernot ,andsheshal lpr eservethee:l
ov eher ,andsheshallkeept hee.
Wisdom i sthepr incipalt hing; t
her ef
oregetwi sdom:andwi thallt
hygetti
ngget
understanding.
Exalther,andsheshal lpr omot et hee:sheshal lbringtheetohonour,whent hou
dostembr aceher .
Sheshal lgivetot hineheadanor namentofgr ace:acr ownofgl or
yshallshe
deli
vertot hee."

Nowondert
her
eist
hisaccounti
n1Ki
ngs3:
5-13:

"I
nGi beont heLORDappear edt oSol omoni nadr eam byni ght:andGodsai d,Ask
whatIshal lgiv
et hee.
AndSol omonsai d…now, OLORDmyGod, thouhastmadet hyser v
antki ng
i
nsteadofDav idmyf ather …Givether efor ethyser vantanunder standinghear tto
j
udget hypeopl e,thatImaydi scernbet weengoodandbad:f orwhoi sablet o
j
udget hi sthysogr eatapeopl e?
Andt hespeechpl easedt heLor d,thatSol omonhadaskedt histhing.
AndGodsai dunt ohi m, Becauset houhastaskedt histhing,andhastnotasked
forthyselflongl i
fe; nei
therhastaskedr ichesf orthyself,norhastaskedt helif
e
ofthineenemi es;buthastaskedf ort hyselfunder standingt odi scernjudgment ;
Behold, Ihav edoneaccor dingtot hywor ds:lo, Ihavegivent heeawi seandan
underst andinghear t;sot hatt herewasnonel i
ket heebef oret hee,neitheraf t
er
theeshal lanyar i
sel ikeunt ot hee.
AndIhav eal sogivent heet hatwhi cht houhastnotasked, bothr i
ches, and
honour :sot hatther eshal lnotbeanyamongt hekingsl i
keunt otheeal lt
hy
days."

Whatagreatgai nofef fecti

veandopenlinesofcommuni cati
on!Fat her
s,lear
nt o
communicatewi thy ourchil
drenandteachthem thevir
tuesthatmakef or
great
nessinli
fe.Hel pthem throughcommuni cat
iontoappreciatethethingsthat
areimpor
tantinlife.Ther easonther
earesomanyt hi
evesandr obberstodayis
becauseparentshav efailedtoincul
cat
egoodmor alv
aluesintheirchil
dren.

Anot
herexampl
eisr
ecor
dedi
nPr
over
bs31:
1-5:

"
ThewordsofkingLemuel,
thepr
ophecythathi
smothert
aughthi
m.
What
,myson?andwhat ,
thesonofmywomb?andwhat ,
thesonofmyvows?
Gi
venotthyst
rengt
huntowomen,northywaystot
hatwhichdest
roy
ethki
ngs.
I
tisnotforkings,OLemuel
,iti
snotforki
ngstodri
nkwine;
norforpr
incesst
rong
dri
nk:
Lesttheydr
ink,andfor
gett
helaw,andperver
tthej
udgmentofanyofthe
aff
li
cted.
"

Achil
dthatgrowsupwi t
hthi
ski
ndofadmoni
ti
onwil
lnotwanderawayf
rom t
he
pat
hofright
eousness.Sopar
ent
sri
seupandtakey
ourplace.

Thegainsofcommuni cati
oncannotbeov eremphasized.Openl inesof
communicationbetweenfamilymember scanl eadt
othepr eserv ati
onoflives
anddesti
nies.Lookatthi
s:itwasAbigail'
sopennesst hatdeli
v eredherent i
re
househol
df r
om thewrathofKi ngDavid,provokedbythef ool
ishnessofNabal .
Thecommuni cat
ionl
i
newassoopent hatast ewardcouldappr oacht he
"Madam"oft hehousetogiveherv al
uableinformati
onthatev entuallybrought
del
iver
ancetoherhousehold( ISam.25:14) .

Inconcl
usi
on,letmerei
ter
atethatconstanti
mprovementonyour
communicati
onstrat
egyisvi
talforasuccessful
famil
y.Youcan'
tdowi
thouti
t!

CHAP.6:
GETCOMMI
TED

Commi tmentisthebackboneofanysuccessf ul
relationship,mar r
iageandthe
famil
yincl
usive.Iti
stheadhesivethatholdsamar r
iaget ogether.When
commi t
mentisl acki
ngintherelat
ionshipbetweenahusbandandwi f
e,t
he
chancesofthatf ami
lysur
vivi
ngarev erysli
m.Whatt hespi nalcordistothebody
i
swhatcommi tmentistomar r
iageandt hefamily.Wi thoutit,
thebodywi ll
be
l
impandpar al
y zed.

Familieswit
hgreatsuccesspotenti
alssuf
ferseveresetbacksandf
ail
ureasa
resul
toflackofcommi tment.Ioncereadthestoryofatwenty-
fi
vey
earold
mar r
iagethatendedi
nseparationduetoal ackofcommi t
mentofboththe
husbandandwi fe.

Toenjoyf
amil
ysuccess,
youmustbecommi tt
edbotht
otheinst
it
uti
onof
marr
iageandt
oyourspouse.Lookatt
hiswonder
ful
scri
ptur
e:

"
Whatther
efor
eGodhat
hjoi
nedt
oget
her
,letnotmanputasunder
."
-
Mark10:9

EventhoughGodhasjoi
nedyout
ogether
,youmustbecommittedt
ooneanot
her,
sothatnothi
ngi
sall
owedtoputyouasunder
.Agai
ninGenesi
s2:24God'
sword
says:

"
Ther
efor
eshal
lamanl
eav
ehi
sfat
herandhi
smot
her
,andshal
lcl
eav
eunt
ohi
s
wi
fe:andt
heyshal
lbeonef
lesh.
"

Inessence,
Godissayi
ngthatamanshalll
eavehi
sfat
herandmother,
andbe
commi t
tedtohi
swifeaswellast
hei
nsti
tuti
onofmarr
iage,
andthenbyvi
rt
ueof
thatcommitmentt
heybecomeonefl
esh.Samegoesforthewi
fe.

Husband,
wife,
howcommi tt
edar
ey out
oyourmarr
iageandf
ami
l
y?I
fyoumust
enj
oyfamil
ysuccess,
thencommit
mentisamust.

Whati sCommi tment?

TheOxf or
ddi ct
ionar
ydefi
nescommi tmentas"anengagementorobli
gati
ont
hat
restr
ict
sfreedom ofacti
on."I
notherwords,
therearesomethingsy
oucannotdo
byreasonofy ourcommi t
ment.Thati
swhyApost lePaulsai
din1Cori
nthi
ans
6:12:

"
Allt
hingsar
elawf
ulunt
ome,
butal
lthi
ngsar
enotexpedi
ent…"

Commi tmentmakesy ouchoosetheexpedi

entabovethel
awful
.Itmakesyou
for
gosomet hi
ngsthatyoul
ikeortakepl
easur
ein.Someti
mes,right
sand
pri
vi
legesthatarel
awfull
yyoursmayhav et
obef or
fei
tedi
ntheinter
estoft
he
famil
y.

2Lev el
sofCommi tment
Commi tmentistoGodandt oman( yourspouse).Onepr ecedestheother.One
i
st hefoundati
onfort
heother.AlookatHebr ews3:4revealsthatal
thoughevery
houseisbuiltbyman,Godistheult
imatebuilderofal
lthi
ngs.Thatmeansapar t
from God,al
l y
ourbui
l
dingeffor
tswil
l amounttonothi
ng.John15: 5reit
erates
thist
ruth.

"
…Forwi
thoutmey
ecandonot
hing.
"

CommitmenttoGod
Showmeamanwhoi sgenui
nelycommit
tedtot
heLord,andIwil
lshowy ouone
whowil
lbecommi t
tedtothesuccessofhi
sfamil
y.Theygohand-i
n-hand.Any
manorwomanwhoi scommittedtoGodwil
lwit
houtdif
fi
cul
tybecommi tt
edto
hi
sorherspouse.

IrememberonSept ember12,1976,myhusband( thenmyf i

ancé)cal
ledmeand
said,"Ar
ey ousur
ey oucanmar ryamanlikeme? "Hewr oteapaperhet it
led
"Sail
ingUnderSealedOrders"
.Iloveapar
ticul
arclosingr emarkhemadei nthat
writeup.Hesaid,"
Chr i
sti
seitherLor
dofallornotLor datall.WhereHesends, I
willgo,whatHesay s,
Iwil
ldo.Ev eni
fHeasksmet or enounceall
,Iwillnoteven
thi
nkt wicebef
oreIdo."

Thenheaskedmet
osign,
ifIwasinagr
eementwi
tht
hecont
ent
.Icoul
dseehi
s
commit
menttoGodandHiski
ngdom,andsi
nceIwasal
socommit
tedtoGod,
I
knewwi
thoutdoubtt
hatwewer
egoi
ngi
nthesamedi
rect
ion.

Thatiswhywher ev
erGodtel
l
smyhusbandt ogotoday,Idon'
tseemy sel
fas
havingarightt
oquest
ionGodorev enask"Why?"Isi
gnedupf ori
tmanyy ear
s
ago.Whenwear el
eav
ingacit
y,Idon'tsay
,"Oh,
whataboutmyf ri
ends?"Godis
greatert
hananyoneel
se!

OurcommitmenttoGodi ssodeepthatIdon'tf
eelbadifduri
ngachur
chser
vice
myhusbandwhispersinmyear st
hatwear egiv
inganof f
eri
ngofsomany
mil
li
onstoGod.ThisisbecauseIsi
gnedupf ortot
alcommi t
menttoGodi
n1976.

Onanot heroccasion,asanur si ngmot her,Icamehomewi thmyent ir

esalar
y,
kneltdownandpr esenteditt omyhusband.Hesai dtome, "
Godspoket ome
beforeyoucamei nthatwear et osowev erythi
ngasaseed."Tof ur ther
compl i
catethemat ter,thosewer et hedaysofscarci
tyofessent i
al commodi t
ies
i
nNi geri
a,whent heywer ebeingr ati
oned.Then,onecouldhav emoneyandnot
getthecommodi ti
est opur chase.Butwi t
hnomoneyatal l
,whathappens?
Howev er,t
heGodofal l suf
f i
ciencywasmor ethanenoughforus!I nsteadof
beinginlackaftersowi ngmyent iresalar
y,webecamedi st
ributorst othose
aroundus, bythesuper natural suppl i
esofGod.

Godinst
itut
edmarri
age.Theinst
it
uti
onofmarri
ageisbiggerthant
heper sonsin
marr
iage.Ther
efor
e,thekeytobui
ldi
ngasuccessf
ulmar r
iageandfamilyis
commitmenttotheinst
it
uti
onofmarri
agerat
her,t
hanjusttothepersonsinit
.

Marri
ageishonourabl
e;thatis,
respect
able.Theindi
vidualsi
ni tsometi
mesmay
notbe.Marr
iage,
asani nstit
uti
onestabl
ishedbyGod, isperf
ect ,
butthe
i
ndivi
dual
sinitar
enot .Peoplechangeast heygrow,butmarriageisconstant
.It
i
sanunchanginginsti
tuti
on.Tobuildasuccessfulmar r
iage,
therefor
e,thosei
nit
mustlear
ntohonourmar riageit
self
.Thi
si sthesecr
et!

Youngl ady/man,bef
oreyouagreet omar r
yanyone, fi
ndouthowcommi tted
he/sheist oGodandtomar ri
age.Itisthelev
elofhi s/
hercommi t
menttoGod
thatwil
l deter
minehowcommi ttedhe/shewi l
lbet oyourmarri
age.Per
hapsy ou
mar r
iedamanwhowasnotcommi t
tedtoGod, andnowy ouar
ewonderingwhy
heisnotcommi tt
edtoyourmarriage.Hecannot ,becausethef
oundati
oni s
faul
ty.Heneedst oget"sol
dout"toGodf i
rst
!

Howev er,allhopeisnotlost
.Godcangi v
ey oupeacei
npl
aceofprobl
ems,j
oy
wheret herehasbeensor row,andabr eakthr
oughfory
ourbr
eakdowns.Hecan
steadyther ockingofyourhome,justasHecal medthest
orminMark4:37-
39,
andt hei
rboatst oppedrocki
ng.

Gi
veGodachancebyputt
ingt
oworkthethingsyouar
ereadi
ngi
nthi
sbook.Our
GodisaGodofl
iber
ati
onandanot
herchance;Hewil
lgi
veyouanewbegi
nning,
i
fyouletHi
m!
Commi tmenttoYourSpouse
Asuccessfulmar r
iagealsorequir
escommi t
menttoyourspouse.Withoutthi
s,
noamountofpr ayer,f
asting,and"sl
eepi
ng"i
nchurchcanpreventyourhome
fr
om fall
ingapart
.Nothingcant akethepl
aceofcommitmentinthebuildi
ngofa
successfulmarr
iage.

Marr
iagei
snotatemporar
yarrangement
,butacommitmentforl
i
fe.Ift
hisi
str
ue,
youmaywonderwhythedivor
ceratei
ssohigh,
evenamongChr i
sti
ans.The
r
easonist
hatmanypeoplearenotcommitt
edtoeachother
.

Commitmentisthef r
amewor konwhichamar ri
agei sbuil
t.Amanandhi swif
e
must,t
herefor
e,betotal
l
ycommi tt
edtoeachot herspiri
tuall
y,physi
cal
ly,
emoti
onall
yandot herwi
se.Commitmentinturnbringssecur i
ty.
Asuccessfulmarr
iagemustbeexclusive,
inv
olvingnoot her.Onemanandone
woman, i
nonelif
e-ti
mer el
ati
onshi
p.Eachspousemustcommi tt
o"for
sakeal
l
ot
hers"
.

Forexample,awomanmustbesocommi ttedtoherhusbandthatnoamountof
moneyanyot hermanof fershert ohavei
ll
icitsexwithherwil
lbestrongenough
tomakehergi veitasecondt hought.Soalso,amanmustbesocommi t
tedto
hiswif
ethatifhiswif
eandmot herwerebothinast ateofemergencyand
neededrescue,hewillnatur
allyrescuehi
swi fefi
rstbefor
ehismot her
.

Thetwolevelsofcommi t
mentwehav ediscussedabovecanbecompar edtothe
hobofabicy cl
e,whichholdsallt
hespokesoft hewheelt
ogether
.Howev er
,no
matt
erhowef f
ecti
vethespokesmaybe, wi t
houtthehob,t
hebicycl
eisgoing
nowher
e.Ther efor
e,withoutcommit
ment ,nomat t
erwhatelsei
sinplace,t
hat
fami
lyi
sgoi ngnowher e.

Commi tmentCompelsLove
"Husbands,l
oveyourwi
ves,ev
enasChr
istal
sol
ovedt
hechur
ch,
andgav
e
himselff
orit
."
-Ephesi
ans5:25

Ahusband'
sprimaryresponsi
bil
i
tyisthatofl
ovi
nghiswi
fe,andCommitment
compelsl
ove.Thatis,
wherethereiscommi t
menttoGodandtoone'
sspouse,
l
ovebecomesaut omati
c.Commi tmentbecomesli
keadri
vi
ngf or
ce,
pushi
ngthe
husbandt
olovehiswife.

WhenIseeamanwhof i
ndsitdi
ff
icul
ttolovehi
swi
fe,
Iknowthatt
heprobl
em i
s
essent
ial
l
ythatoflackofcommitmenttoGodandtohismar
ri
age.Whentherei
s
commitment,t
herewill
benoneedt opersuadeamantol
ovehiswi
fe;
itwil
l
comenatural
l
y.

Myhusband,
fori
nst
ance,
ishi
ghl
ycommi
tt
edt
oGodandt
othesuccessofour
home,t
her
efor
e,iti
seasyf
orhi
mtorav
ishmewi
thsomuchl
ove,
evenwi
thout
myaski
ngfori
t.Thati
scommit
ment
!

Husbands,youneedt ohearthis.Ther
eisnowi f
ewhohat est
obel ov
ed.Ther
eis
nowomant hatwil
lnotrespondpositi
vel
ytolove.Someoneoncesaidthat
submissionisaresponse,becausewheny ouloveyourwif
esherespondsby
submitt
ing.Theref
ore,t
ensionandquar r
eli
nginahomei sanindi
cati
onofthe
absenceoflove.

Thesameprinci
plegoesforot
hermembersofthefamily
.Commi t
menttothe
successofy
ourfamilymakesamaninvestti
meint
ot heliv
esofhi
schi
ldren.He
ensurest
hechil
drenhaveaconst
antassur
anceofhislove.

Giv
eVoiceToYourCommi tment
Acommi t
menttoloveyourf
amil
yisnotcompleteunti
lyougivevoicet
oit
.Men
cannev
erunderst
andwhatthesethr
eesimplewords,"
Iloveyou"candotoa
woman.Surpr
isi
ngl
y,somemenf i
nditdi
ff
icul
ttogivevoicet
ot hei
rcommitment
.

Amant est
if
iedduringoneofourannualconvent
ionsthatf
oralongti
mehehad
founditextr
emel ydif
fi
cultt
ogivev
oicetohiscommi tmentbyexpr
essi
nghis
l
ov etohiswife.Heobey edthei
nst
ruct
iontodoso, andthi
ngsbegantochange
posit
ivel
yinhishome.

Expr
essinglovetoy ourl egit
imatewif
eorchildrenshouldnotbeadi f
ficul
tthing
todo!Forsomewhot hinkitisanunri
ghteousthingtodo, wasJesusunr i
ghteous?
Thri
ceHeaskedPet erifhel ovedHim.Remembert hatJesuswasnev ermar r
ied,
butHisdisci
plesrepresent edHiseart
hlywifeinafigure.Soinessence,Hewas
sayi
ngtoHi s"wif
e","Ilov eyou;doyouloveMe? "

Don'treadthi
sbookwi thoutput
tingthecontentstowork.Husbands,ifyouhave
notbeengi vi
ngvoicetoyourcommi tment,i
tistimetogetstart
ed.Andify ou
al
readyhav e,t
hereissti
llr
oom forimprovement.Learntolookstr
aighti
ntoher
eyesandt el
lherhowmuchy ouloveher,andy ouwil
lseethechangei nher
countenance.

Nomat t
erhowspi r
it
ualawomanis,
shest i
l
lwant
stobetol
dthatsheisl
oved.I
cantel
lyouthi
sasawomanIwantt ohearmyhusbandgivevoi
cetohis
commitmentbyt el
l
ingmehowmuchhel ovesme,andhedoes!Thesear
esome
ofthet
hingsthatholdourhomet
ogether
.

Imustsayawor dconcer ni
ngchil
drenhere.Childr
enli
ket obetouchedand
cuddled.Atouchcommuni cat
eswar mth.Hugt hem,kissthem;lett
hem feela
senseofbeingconnectedwithyoubyy ourwarm embr aces.I
tisnotunr
ighteous.
Itisamortarbondi
ngyout oget
her.Itkeepstheassuranceofyourloveburningat
timeswhenwor dsareclumsy.
Commi tmentTr
igger
sSubmi ssion
Justascommi t
mentprovokeslove,ital
sot
ri
ggerssubmissi
on.Anywomanwho
i
strulycommitt
edtothesuccessofhermar ri
agewil
lbesubmissivet
oher
husband.Whenawomani sst ubbornandnaught
y,i
tisasignoflackof
commi t
menttoherhome.

Whatissubmission?Simplydefined,i
tmeanswi l
li
nglyputt
ingyourselfunder
someoneelse'sauthor
ity
.Cont r
arytosomepeopl e'
sthinki
ng,submissionhas
nothi
ngtodowi thslav
ery.Rather,i
tisanactofthewill
.Acommi t
tedwoman
needsnoadvicetosubmi ttoherhusband.Hercommi t
mentisadr iv
ingforce.I
am nott
alki
ngaboutsubmi ssionunderduress,butfr
om awi l
li
nghear t.

Manypeoplewishandexpr
essthei
rdesirethatt
hei
rhomebel i
keours,
butas
thesayi
nggoes,"
Ifwi
sheswerehorsesbeggarswil
lri
de.
"Nothi
nggoodhappens
bychance.Commitmentmustbeinplace,el
sefami
lysuccesswil
lbeamere
dream.

ThankGodforHisgrace,
butwehav ebeencommi tt
edtoplayi
ngourpar
tst
oo.
Thati
swhytodayIcanboldlydecl
arethatIam enj
oyi
ngagoodhome!Asy ou
pl
ayyourpar
talso,Godwill
giveyouabr i
ghtert
est
imonythanour
s!

Wherev
erther
eiscommi t
mentinamarri
age,t
her
ewil
lbel
oveandsubmi
ssi
on:
bot
hparti
esworki
ngtogetherf
ort
hesuccessoft
hei
rhome.

Personal
ly,
Idon'tfi
ndi
tstressf
ul t
osubmi ttomyhusband.Notjustnow,but
ri
ghtfrom t
heday sofl
i
ttl
ebeginnings.Ineverhadt
obecoer cedint
odoingso.I
al
way shavefounditathi
ngofgr eatj
oy.

Singlel
adies,beforeyougetintoamarriagerel
ati
onshi
pwi t
hanyman, ensure
thatyoucansubmi tt
ohim withoutdur
ess.Ifyoufi
nditdif
fi
cul
ttosubmittohim
duringcourtshi
p,thendon'
tmar ryhi
m!Thi si
sbecausey ouwil
lnotsubmittohim
i
nmar r
iage,andthatissi
gninginfortr
ouble.

Anar eawheremanywomenf inditdif

fi
culttosubmi ti
nmar ri
ageisintheir
fi
nances.Moneyi sa"god"tosuchwomen.Theymaysubmi ttothemani nother
areas,butwhenitcomest ofinances,forgeti
t!Il
earnttosubmi tmyearningsto
myhusbandr i
ghtfr
om thetimeIwasengagedi nsecularemployment.Mar kyou,
Iwasnotj ustt
hrowingitathim, buthandingitovertohimrespectful
ly
.That '
s
whynowhedoesnotwai tformet oaskformoney ;hejustkeepsgivi
ngtome!

Iwould, howev er,

li
ket osoundanot eofcauti
onhere,forthesakeofbalance.It
waseasyf ormet ohandov ermysalaryt
omyhusbandbecauseourr el
ati
onship
permittedthat.Icouldt r
usthim.Hewasnotbul ly
ingmeorspendi ngthemoney
i
nanunaccount ablemanner .Men,
ifyouwantt oenjoythi
stypeofco-operati
on
fr
om y ourwife, makesur eyoubuil
dar el
ati
onshipwithherthatwill
permitthat
.
Don'texpecty ourwi f
et ohandoverherearni
ngst oyouifyoutreatherwit
h
di
srespect,
orify ouareuncommunicati
veandunaccountabl
einyourspendi
ng
habi
ts.Don'texpecthertosubmital
lherincometoyouifyouaregoi
ngtospend
i
tfri
volousl
y,withoutanyconsi
derat
ionforherownneedsaswel l
.

Woman, don'thandov erall

youri
ncomet oahusbandwhoi snotresponsibl
efor
thefamil
yupkeep, chi
l
dren'
sschoolf
ees,householdbi
ll
s,et
c.orwhospendsal l
themoneyonr i
otousl i
vi
ng-dri
nki
ng,womanizing,et
c.Wisdom i
sprofi
tableto
dir
ect(Eccl
.10:
10) .Youratt
it
udemust,however,r
emainhumbleandnon-
confront
ati
onal.

Commi tmentonthewoman' spar

talsodemandst hatsherespectsherhusband.
Iam yettofi
ndamanwhohat estober espected!Lackofrespectforthe
husbandiswhatmakessomemenengagei nphysicalcombatwiththeirwives
(al
thoughthi
sisnott
oj ust
if
ysuchaction).Howsomewomenaddr esst hei
r
husbandsshowtheylackanunderstandingoff amil
ygov er
nmentasor dainedby
God.

Woman, respectisrecipr
ocal;i
t'
sgiveandtake.Ifyougiverespect ,
y ouwil
learn
respect.Forinstance,somewi vesaretoo"moder n"togreetthei
rhusbands.He
wakesupi nthemor ning,andshe'sstar
ingathim; nowor dofgreetings.Butshe
greetseveryoneel seoutside,
withasmi l
eforthatmat t
er.Fir
stgetcommi tt
edto
thesuccessofy ourmar r
iage,andthenyouwillgetGodcommi t
ted.

Commi tmentisi
nThreeReal ms
Mani saspi r
it
,possessingasoul,andl
ivesinabody.I
notherwords,manis
tr
iparti
te.I
fthati
strue,anditis,
itmeansthatGodexpectscommitmenti
n
mar r
iagetoaffectt
het hreer
ealms-spir
it,soul
andbody.Under
standi
ngthi
sis
cruci
al tot
hesuccessofanyuni on.

Spir
itual
ly,
becommi tt
edt othespiri
tual demandsofyourfami l
y.Husbands,you
arethehighpr i
estandpr ophetofthef ami l
y.Youar
etotaket heleadinthe
spir
it
ualwel l
-beingofthef amily.Taket i
meoutt oprayf
ort hefamily
,even
fast
ingsomet i
meswhent heneedar ises.Leadthefami
lybyy ourexampl eof
commi tmentanddev otiontoGodandt hecauseofthekingdom.Spendt imewith
thefamilyinpray erandst udyi
ngoft heWor dofGod.

Wives,youar ethefami l
y'
sspiri
tualanchor.Youar ecreatedt obev erypercepti
ve
and,therefor
e,youar eabletosenset hingswhennoot herpersoncan.Att i
mes
l
ikethat,becommi tt
edtot aki
ngsuchi ssuestoGodi nprayer.Thest oryofthe
motheroft heWesl eyscannotbeov er-emphasized.Itisonr ecordthatshet ook
everychilddail
yinprayers,communi cationandqualityrel
ationship.Itwas,
ther
efore,impossibleforherchil
drent omi sst
heirplacesindest i
ny .Her
commi tmentt oherfami l
yhaspaidof fforposter
ity.

Mental
lyal
so,ahusbandandwi f
eshoul
dbecommi
ttedtothement
al
dev
elopmentofthei
rfami
ly.Showthechi
ldr
ent
her
ightwaytomental
excel
l
ence.
Inv
estintheirmentaldevelopmentbybuyi
ngthem booksandothereducati
onal
materi
alsthatwil
lenhancet hei
rmentaldi
gni
ty.Pleasedonotbuyt
hingsthatwi
ll
corr
upttheirminds,al
linthenameoff l
owingwiththetrend.

Physi
call
y,t
hefami
lywelfar
emustbegi ventheutmostpri
ori
tythati
trequi
res,
if
famil
ysuccessmustbereali
sed.Youcannotexpectyourf
amilytobesuccessful
i
fyoudeprivet
hem oft
hebasicnecessit
iesofli
fe.So,doy
ourbesttoensure
yourfami
lyenj
oysthebestyoucanprovi
de.Youwi ll
makeit,
inJesus'name!

CHAP.7:
CANYOUBETRUSTED?

Trustisanessent ial
,vi
tali
ngredi
entinourdailyfamilywal k.Nofami l
ycan
experiencetruesuccesswi t
houtit
.Someonehasdef i
nedt rustas
communi cati
on+commi tment+time.Trustthri
vesi nanat mospher eof
effect
ivecommuni cat
ionandcommi t
ment .Thereistrustinaf amilywherethere
i
scommuni cationandcommi tmentthathaspassedt het estoftime.Trusttakes
ti
meandef f
ort.Itiseasil
ybrokenandhar dtorestore;butifyouar ewil
li
ngt oput
towor kwhati tt akestomakei twork,t
herewar disthesuccessf ulfamil
yy ou
hav ealwaysdr eamtof .

WhatisTrust
?
TheOxfor
dsdict
ionarydef
inestr
ustasthef
irm bel
iefi
nthereli
abi
li
ty,t
ruthor
st
rengt
hofaperson;confi
dentexpect
ati
on,
obligat
ionorresponsi
bil
i
ty;thest
ate
ofbei
ngreli
edupon.Thati
swhyt hePsalmi
stsaidoftheLordinPsalms18:2:

"
TheLORDismyrock,
andmyf or
tress,
andmydeliv
erer
;myGod,
mystr
ength,i
n
whom Iwi
l
ltr
ust
;mybuckl
er,
andthehor nofmysal
vati
on,
andmyhi
ghtower.
"

Inapracti
calsense, t
rustmeanst hatyoupl aceconf i
denceinsomeonet obe
honestwithandf ai
thful t
oyou,andnotabandony ou.Youcannott ouch,t
aste,
see,smellorheartrust;yet,
nosuccessf ul f
amilyorany onedesir
ingonecanl i
ve
adaywi t
houti t
seffect.Trusti
spar tofourdai l
ylife.Eachti
mewef li
paswitch,
sitonachair,andturnt hedoorknob,wet rustthatsomet hi
ngweexpectwi l
l
happen.Often,wedonotev enneedt opr ayorf astbeforewetaket heseact
ions.
Why ?Wehav eov erthet i
mecomet orealisethattheset hi
ngsrespondnatural
ly
toourtouch.

Trusti
snotagi f
t.Iti
sav i
rtuebui
ltthroughexper i
enceandoveraper i
odoftime.
Trusti
sr eci
procal.Themor eyouexpr essy ourtrusttomember sofyour
household,themor etheyrespondt oy ouintrust.Youcanalsorebui
ldtrusti
n
brokenrelati
onshipswheny oumakeachoi cetodosowi t
hthesupernatural
help
ofGod.Tr ustgrowsov ert
ime.Buildingtrusttakest i
me,andyouneedt oshow
yourpartnerthatyouaretrustwor
thy ,andthaty outrustt
hem inret
urn.
"
AsforGod,hiswayi
sper
fect
:thewor
doft
heLORDi
str
ied:hei
sabuckl
ert
oal
l
t
hosethatt
rusti
nhim.
"
-
Psal
ms18:30

EvenGod'sWordistri
edf i
rstbefor etrustinitcanbedev el
oped,andthist
akes
ti
me.Thesamegoesf orbuil
dingasuccessf ulf
amily.Yourf
ami l
yrel
ati
onshi
p
mustcomet oapointwher eever yoner espondst otheothertrut
hful
ly
.You
cannothaveasuccessfulfamilyifeacht i
meonememberoft hefamil
ysaysor
doesathing,
youaresecond- guessi ngt hei
rreali
ntentandrephrasi
ngthei
r
stat
ementsand/oractions,tofitintoy ourownagenda.

WhyTr ust?
Thev er
yessenceofl if
edependsont rust.Yougot obedatni ghtwi t
haper f
ect
planforthenextday,becausey outr
ustyouwi llwakeupt henextmor ni
ng.You
eatyourfoodconfidentthatyourbodynet workisdesignedtodi gestthefood.
Yougot owor keveryday,t
rusti
ngthatthejoby ouclosedfrom yesterdayisstil
l
therewaiti
ngforyou.Youbr eathef
reelywithoutbotheri
ngt ocrosscheckt he
oxygenlevelorquali
tyoftheair.Al
ltheseactionsareperformedwi t
houtconcern,
becauseoft r
ust.

Nosuccessfulfamilyrelati
onshipcansur viveanenv i
ronmentdev oidoft rust
betweenmember s.Amar r
iedcouplemustl earntotr
usteachot her.Ifyour
mar r
iagemustwork, youneedt obeabl etot r
ustyourspousewi thy ourpast,
presentandfut
ure.Mar riageisdependentont heconfidentbel
iefthaty ouare
l
ov edandacceptedthewayy ouare.Theknowl edgeofthefactthaty ouar elov
ed
thewayy ouarehelpsy our el
axandl etdowny ourguard.Itmakesr oom for
honestywit
houtfearofr ejecti
on,andt hatfeelsgood.Oneoft hev i
rtuesoft he
vir
tuouswomanapt l
ypai ntedinProverbs31: 11isthi
s:

"Thehear
tofherhusbanddot
hsaf
elyt
rusti
nher
,sot
hatheshal
lhav
enoneed
ofspoi
l.
"

Hei sconf
identthathiswifecanbet r
ustedt ot akecareofcert
ainissuesthat
aff
ectthefamily
.Thatwaswhysomey earsago, myhusbandcamet omyof f
ice
andhandedmeabl ankchequebooklet,allsigned.Hehadf oundmet r
ustwor
thy
i
nt hehandli
ngoff i
nancialmatter
s,andt herefore,couldt
rustmewi ththe
handli
ngofthemoneyi nthataccountwithoutr egrett
ingsuchacti
on.

Childrenborninahomewher ether
ei sanopendisplayoftrustgrowupmor e
emot ionall
ybalancedt hanthosebredinanatmospher eofdishonesty.Theyare
mor econf i
dentinl i
feandapproachissueswithari
ghtsenseofj udgment .The
reasonwehav emanychi ldr
eninal
l mannerofvi
cest odayisbecauset hevit
al
keyoft rustismi ssi
ng.Theydonotf eelt
heirpar
ents'tr
ust,
andsor eal
lycare
l
essi fanyot herpersonwant stotr
ustthem.Theydev eloparebelli
ousspiri
tand
arev eryself
-defensive,ev
enwhent hereisnoneedf ori
t.
HowToBui ldTr
ust
Iftr
ustisthi
simportant,t
henhowdoy oubuil
di t
?Trustdoesnotnaturall
y
happenbet weentwopeopl eormembersofaf amil
y,eventhoughtheyloveeach
other.I
ttakesworkandacommi tmentt
obuild.Yourpastexperi
ences
somet i
mesmayaf f
ectyourabil
i
tytotr
ust.I
fyouhadbeenhur ti
nthepast,i
tcan
beespeciall
ydif
fi
cult.Thegoodnews,however,ist
hatinChristt
hereishope,for
:

"
…Allthi
ngsar
ebyt
hel
awpur
gedwi
thbl
ood…"
-
Hebrews9:22

Thebl oodofJesuswasshedt ocleanseusofallformsofunr ight

eousness,
whichi ncl
udesallourpasthurt
sanddi sappoi
ntments.Ifwewi lll
etGod,Hewill
eli
minat eall
ourpastandgiveust hegrace,st
rengthandcour agetobuil
dtrust
onceagai n.Remember ,weareallgrowingint
operfect
ion.Sobequi cktoforgi
ve
yourspouseorot hermember sofy ourhousehol
dwhent her
ehasbeena
disappointmentofexpectat
ions.

Inbui
ldingtrust,
y ouneedt
obet r
uthf
ul.Betrut
hfult
oyourspouseandf amily
member s.Don'tbef oundt
osayonethingtodayandanothert
omor rowont he
samei ssue.Thereisnosubsti
tut
efortrut
h!Youryeamustbefoundt obey ea,
andyournayf oundt obenay.I
fyouareapersonwi t
hdoublestandards,
it
becomesdi ffi
culttotr
usty
ou.

Evenwithy ourchi
ldren,al
wayssaywhaty oumean.Thehomebecomesan
untr
ustworthyenvironmentwhenpeopl emaket hr
eatsorsaythi
ngstheydon't
mean.Theybecomeempt ywor ds.Soall
the,"Iwil
lbeatyou"thr
eatsyouissueto
yourchi
ldrenthathav ebecomeapl aysentencewi l
lonlydest
roythei
rlev
elof
tr
ustinyourwor dsandper son.Iti
sveryi
mpor tantthatmembersofy our
householdcant r
ustwhaty ousay .

I
tisonl
ymenoft
rut
hthatar
econsi
der
edf
orposi
ti
onsofr
esponsi
bil
i
ty.

"
Moreoverthoushal
tprovideoutofallthepeopl
eablemen,suchasf earGod,
menoftrut
h,hati
ngcovetousness;andplacesuchovert
hem, t
ober uler
sof
t
housands,andrul
ersofhundreds,rul
ersoffi
fti
es,
andrul
ersoftens."
-
Exodus18:21

Effect
iverul
ershi
pofyourf
amilycanonlybeestabl
i
shedwhenmembersoft
he
householdknowy ourcommit
menttotruth.Tr
uthcommandsandcompel
s
respect.

Trut
hisadefense.Youri
ntegri
tywil
lspeakf
oryoui
nthedayofadver
sit
y.I
twas
whathappenedwithHezeki
ahwhenhewast odi
ebefor
eheful
fi
ll
edthenumber
ofhi
sdays.HecriedtoGodt hus:

"
…OLORD,
remembernowhowIhav
ewal
kedbef
oret
heei
ntr
uthandwi
tha
perf
ecthear
t,andhav
edonet
hatwhi
chi
sgoodi
nthysi
ght
…"
-2Kings20:
3

Godhadt osendIsaiahbacktohim,toi
nfor
m him oft
heextensi
onofhisl
i
feby
anotherf
if
teenyears.Thelevel
ofyourbol
dnesswithyourchi
ldr
enwil
lbegreat
ly
enhancedwhent heycantrustyouwi
ththetr
uthatall
times.

Anotherwayt obuildtrusti
sbykeepi ngy ourpr omi sestoy ourfamilymember s.
Promiseshav eawayofcr eatingexcit
ement .Itbr i
ngsanticipati
onandhope, and
i
fnotkept, destr
oystrust.I
ff oranyreasony ouar enotabl et okeepone, ensur e
thatathoroughandhonestexpl anati
oni sgivenf orit.Par
ticular
lyinchil
dr aising,
hopeandt rustinGodandt hesocietycanbebui ltordestroyedbyourl evel of
commi tmentt otheful
fil
lmentofourpr omisest oourchi l
dren.Don'tmake
promisesy ouknowy ouwi llnotful
fi
ll,
justtogety ourchil
drenof fyourback.
Chil
drenfi
ndi tverydif
ficul
ttounder standwhyapar entwillpromisetodo
somethingandf ailt
odoso.Lear ntof oll
owt heexampl ethatGodhasl eftf orus.

"Blessedbet heLord,t
hathat
hgivenrestunt
ohispeopl
eIsr
ael
,accor
dingtoall
thathepr omised:ther
ehathnotf
ail
edonewor dofal
lhi
sgoodpromise,which
hepr omisedbyt hehandofMoseshisservant
."
-1Kings8: 56

"Theyl
ookedunt
ohi
m,andwer
eli
ght
ened:andt
hei
rfaceswer
enotashamed.
"
Psalms34:5

Youwi
l
lnotknowshamei
nyourf
ami
l
y,i
nJesus'
name!

I
tisveryimpor tantthatspousesinamar riagerespect
,appreciat
e,andf ul
fi
llthei
r
marri
agev owst oeachot her
.Thatistheonlywayt obuil
dt r
ust.Remembert hat
t
rusti
sbui ltoveraper i
odoftime.Iti
sinthekeepingofy ourvowstooneanot her
t
hattrusti
sbui lt.Trustcannotthri
veinahomewher ethereisnorespector
r
egardforeachot herandt hevowsofmar r i
agebindi
ngy outoeachot her.When
youdealtreacher ouslywithyourspouse,
ev enGodi soff
ended( Mal.2:14).

Also,buil
dingtrustdemandst hatyoubel oyaltoy ourspouse, especi
all
yin
his/herabsence.Loyaltybreedstr
ustwor t
hiness.Thewor dloyalisdefi
nedbythe
Amer icanHeri
tageDi cti
onarytomean" st
eadfastinallegiancetoone'shome…
fait
hfultoaper son,i
deal,custom,cause,ordut y
."Loyaltymeansaf eel
ingor
atti
tudeofdev otedattachmentandaf fecti
on.Itmeansf ait
hful
nesst oaperson
oracause. "

Inotherwords,loyal
tydemandst hatyourall
egiancetoy ourspouseandf amily
mustbei nplace,inorderforyout obuildasuccessfulfami l
y.Don'
tbetrayanyof
yourfamil
ymember s.Betrayaldestroystr
ust.Forinst
ance, asamot her,when
yourchil
drentrustyouwi t
hsomei nformati
on,iti
snotf ory outomakei tt
he
subj
ectofy ourdinnerti
meconv ersati
on.Achildinthatsituati
onwil
lfinditver
y
di
ffi
cul
ttoentr
usty
ouwi
thanyot
heri
nfor
mat
ionhe/
sheconsi
der
spr
ivat
eand
conf
ident
ial
.

Truefr
iendshi
pisalsonegat
ivel
yaf
fectedwhenther
eisabetray
aloft
rust
.
Beli
eveineachother,
andtel
leachotherthet
rut
hatall
times.

I
nbui l
dingasuccessfulf
amily,
theremustbeconf i
dentexpectat i
onsthat
weaknessesorconfidenceswil
l notbebetray
ed.Thest oryofIsaacandRebekah
i
nGenesi s27showsuscl earl
ythehar mfulef
fectofthedest r
uct i
onoftrust
betweencouples.RebekahengineeredJacobtodecei veIsaac,usingthe
weaknessofhi ssi
ghttoobtai
nhi sfat
her'sbl
essings.I
tisinter
est i
ngtonotethat
thatwasthelasteff
ecti
vecontri
butionRebekahev ermadet olife.Thati
sagr eat
l
essont olear
n.Yourli
ghtwil
lnotbeputouti nobscur i
ty!

Talki
ngaboutt heloyal
tyofJesus, awrit
ersaid:"Whenwel ookatJesus,wesee
thatHedi dnotli
vewi t
hasenseofopenopt ions.Hewasst eadfasti
nHis
all
egiancetothewi l
lofHisfatherinheaven.Hewasf ai
thf
ultoHistwel
ve
disci
ples,bear
ingwiththem throughthi
ckandt hin.Longaftery
ouandIwould
havegi v
enupont hem, Hewasl oyal
tothem. "

Loyal
tydemandsthatwhatevery
oucan' tsayi
nthepr esenceofafamilymember
,
youshouldnotbefoundsayi
ngitinhis/herabsence.Inthesamev ei
n,whaty
ou
wil
lbeashamedt obeident
if
iedwith,
don'tsayeit
herinhis/herpr
esenceor
absence.

Anotherver
yv i
tal
keyneededforthebuil
dingoft r
usti
naf amilyi
sf orgi
veness.
Forgi
venessinamarriageandamongf amilymember sisnotjustanadmoni ti
on,
butacommandment .Itissovi
talthatnomar r
iageorfamilycansur v
iveit
s
absence.Asmember sofafamily
,y oumustlearntheactofforgi
vingone
another
.

Phi
ll
ipYanceywr ot
e:"
Forgi
venessisanotherwayofadmit
ti
ng,'I
'
m human, I
makemi st
akes,Iwanttobegrantedthatpri
vi
lege,
andsoIgrantyouthat
pr
ivi
l
ege.'"Noneofusiswithoutsin.TheBibl
esaysinRomans3:23-24:

"Foral
lhavesi
nnedandf
allshortoft
heglor
yofGod; Bei
ngj
ust
if
iedf
reel
ybyhi
s
gracethr
oughther
edempti
ont hati
sinChri
stJesus.
"

Youarenotalwaysri
ghtyour
sel
f;y
ouareonlyri
ghti
ny ourowney
es.The
Psalmistr
eali
si
ngthi
s,i
nPsalms19:13pray
edearnest
lytobedel
iver
edf
rom
presumptuoussi
ns.Youareonl
yaproductofgr
ace.Thatiswhyt
heBibl
esays:

"
Ever
ywayofamani
sri
ghti
nhi
sowney
es:butt
heLor
dponder
etht
hehear
ts.
"
-
Prov
erbs21:
2

"
Thewayofaf
ooli
sri
ghti
nhi
sowney
es:buthet
hathear
kenet
hunt
ocounseli
s
wi
se.
"
-
Prov
erbs12:
15

I
fGodwer
etoconsi
dery
ourownmi
sdemeanor
s,wher
ewoul
dyoust
and?

"
Ift
hou,Lor
d,shoul
destmar
kini
qui
ti
es,
OLor
d,whoshal
lst
and?
-
Psalms130:3

SincewearetobelikeChr i
st,t
henourforgiv
enessshouldbebasedonanew
standar
d:onethatgrantsforgi
venessuncondit
ional
ly,wi
thouttherequi
rementof
paymentorthepromi seofchange.Jesus,hangingfr
om thecrossinLuke23:34,
l
ookedatthesamepeopl ewhohadcr ucif
iedHim andcouldsti
llsay:

"
Fat
her
,for
giv
ethem;
fort
heyknownotwhatt
heydo.
"

Andtothet
hiefont
hecr
oss,
whobysi
mpl
eexpr
essi
onoff
ait
hinHi
minLuke
23:
43,Hesai
d:

"…Todayy
oushal
tbewi
thmei
npar
adi
se.
"

That'suncondi
ti
onalforgi
veness!Ther
ewasnot i
mef orthethi
eftochangefi
rst
,
beforehecouldenjoytheforgi
venessheneededtogetintoheaven.Jesus
declaredfor
giv
enessandr econcil
i
ati
onwit
houtanyconditi
onstobemet .

Thisist
her i
ghtapproacht ofor
giveness,inbui
ldi
ngtrusti
namarri
ageand
amongf amilymember s.Iti
sthedimensi onoffor
giv
enessmyhusbandrefer
sto
humourouslyas"advancef or
giveness".Seektoknowandexperi
enceChri
st'
s
l
oveandf orgiv
enessiny ourownl i
fe,
andt hatwil
lmakeiteasyf
oryout
omakea
choicet
of orgi
veothers.

I
nbuil
dingasuccessf
ulfamil
y,al
li
ssuesthathav
ecausedhur
ts,
bit
ter
nessand
r
esent
ment smustberesol
veddail
ybeforeyougotobed,
soyoucanri
seupin
t
hemor ni
ngonaf r
eshnote.SeewhattheBibl
esays:

"
Beyeangry,
andsi
nnot
:letnott
hesungodownupony
ourwr
ath.
"
-
Ephesi
ans4:
26

"Lookingdi
li
gentl
ylestanymanf ai
lofthegr
aceofGod;
lestanyrootof
bit
ternessspri
ngi
ngupt roubl
eyou,andther
ebymanybedefil
ed.
"
-Hebrews12:15

Bit
ter
nessembi t
tersdest
iny
, f
leefrom i
t!Manypeoplearewelldr
essed,but
rot
tenwithi
n,becauseofbit
terness.Unforgi
venessi
stherootofbit
ter
ness,and
i
tdestroy
s.Forgivenessi
sit
smedi cine!Iti
sthewisdom ofGod.

Last
lyi
nbui
l
dingt
rust
,youmustbeaccount
abl
e.Account
abi
l
ityi
sdef
inedas
"r
esponsi
ble:r
esponsi
bletosomebodyelseortoothers,orresponsibl
efor
somethi
ng."Eachmemberoft hefamil
ymustbeconsci ousoft hefactt
hatt
hey
oweothermember saccount
abil
it
yinthehandl
ingoftheaf f
airsofthefamil
y,
bear
inginmindthatevenGodwi l
ldemandaccountabi
lit
yfrom us.

"
Sothenev
eryoneofusshal
lgi
veaccountofhi
msel
ftoGod.
"
-
Romans14:12

Whatevery ourpl
acementi nthefamil
y,whetherasf ather
,motherorchil
dren,
ther
earet hingsforwhi
chGodwi l
lhol
dy ouper sonall
yresponsi
ble.Li
keIsaid
earl
i
erinthisbook, t
her
ei sapurposeforwhi chGodmadey ouamemberoft hat
famil
y.Heexpect syoutof ul
fi
llt
hatpurpose,andwi l
lholdyouaccountabl
ef or
thenon-performanceofthattask.

Accountabil
it
ybeginswithther eadinesstobehel daccountableforyouracti
ons.
Onemaj orchall
engeofbuildingasuccessf ul
familyistheviceofself-
j
usti
fi
cation.Noonewant st oacceptr esponsibi
l
ityforanythingthathasgone
wrong.Thereisalwayssomeoneel setoblameforouract i
onsori nacti
ons.The
gr
aphicpicturepai
ntedintheGar denofEdeni sveryill
ustr
ativeofthi
spoint:

"Andt heLORDGodcal l
edunt oAdam, andsaiduntohi
m, Whereartthou?
Andhesai d,Iheardthyv oi
ceinthegarden,andIwasaf raid,
becauseIwas
naked; andIhi
dmy sel
f.
Andhesai d,Whot oldtheethatthouwastnaked?Hastt houeat enofthetr
ee,
whereofIcommandedt heethatthoushoul
destnoteat?
Andt hemansai d,Thewomanwhom t hougavesttobewi thme, shegavemeof
thetree,andIdideat.
Andt heLORDGodsai dunt othewoman, Whatisthist
hatt houhastdone?And
thewomansai d,Theserpentbeguiledme,andIdideat.
"
-Genesis3:9-
13

Thatisthenat ureoft hef al

lenman.Perhapst hepathtoredempt i
onwoul dhave
takenadifferentcausehadAdam si mpl yacceptedresponsi
bil
it
yf orhisact
ion
andsoughtf orgiveness.Godi spl
enteousinmer cy;
justmaybeJesuswoul dnot
haveneededt opayt heul ti
matepri
ceofdeat htoreconcil
eusbackt oGod.
Somet i
messomef ami li
eshav ehadtogot hroughhardtimes,andi nsomecases,
suffersomei rr
eparabl elosses,j
ustbecauseoneoft hemember srefusedto
acceptresponsibili
ty.

Responsibi
li
tyisasignofmat urit
y.Untilyouar emat uredenought obe
accountabl
eforr i
ghtsandwr ongsdone, youcannotbesai dt oberesponsibl
e
enought ohandletheaffair
sofl if
e.Lif
ei t
selfisapr oductofper sonal
responsi
bil
it
y.Iam appalledwhenIf i
ndorcounsel peoplewhobl ametheirkit
h
andkinorthesoci et
yoreconomyf ortheirfail
ures.Lifewil
lonlyanswertoy ou
wheny ouarereadytoacceptr esponsibil
i
t yforwhati twil
ltaketomakei twork.
Thesamei strueofbuildingasuccessf ulfamily.
Trustinaf ami l
ycanonl ybebui l
twheneachmember ,par
ti
cularl
ythepar ent s,
aremat uredenought otakethel eadinaccept i
ngresponsibil
i
tyformaki ngt he
familyaplaceofhonouranddi gnity
.Childrenwhogr owupi nahomewher et he
parentsarer eadytoacceptr esponsibil
it
yandwher ethereisanopenexpr essi on
ofapologyf oralli
rresponsibl
eact stendt oalsoli
veresponsibleli
ves.Inrai sing
yourchildren,oneoft hevir
tuest heyshouldf i
ndinyoui saccountabil
i
ty.Thegoal
foraccount abil
i
tyisforust ogrowst rongandt akeresponsibil
it
yforourl i
v es.
Thef ocusmustbegr owth,notjustpreservati
on.

Account abi
li
tyisal
waysmut ual
.Parentsmustr eali
set
hattheyar
eaccountabl
e
totheirchil
drentoo.Whenyougi veaccounttomember sofyourfami
ly
,theyal
so
feelcompel l
edtobeaccountable.Trust
,respect,
honour,
loveandsubmissi
on
growaswebecomemor eaccountable.

Thegoal s,
obj ecti
ves,str
at egies,andmeansf orcommuni catingaccount abili
ty
mustbemadecl earforittobeef fecti
ve.Ever ymemberoft hef ami l
ymust
under standtheneedt obeaccount abl
eonet oanot her.Forinst ance, amanmust
real
iset hattrustisbuiltwhenhel et smember sofhi sfamilyknowhi s
wher eaboutsatal ltimes,ev eni fi
tisaroundt henei ghbour hood.Heshoul dnot
j
ustr uni nt
oaf ri
endont hewayanddeci detof oll
owhi m homewi thoutf irst
tel
li
ngsomeonei nhishousehol dhiswher eabout s.Thesamegoesf orev ery
memberoft hehousehol d.Al lformsofsuspi ci onsar eeli
mi natedi naf ami ly
setupt hisway .Inthiswildandev ilworl
dwel iveint oday,accident sorl ossescan
beav oidedt hisway .Several peoplehav elostt hei
rlivestosuchcar elessand
unaccount ablemov ement s.Ev entheirfamilymember scoul dnott racet heir
corpses, becauset heyhadnoi deawher etol ook.Somet i
mes, peopl earenot
evensur ewhet herthepersoni sdeadorst il
lal i
ve.

Clearli
nesofaccount abil
ityshouldbewel ldef
inedt oallmember soft hefamily
.
Ev er
ymemberoft hef amilymustal sobemadet oreali
sethespecific
responsibil
it
iesf orwhicht heywill
behel daccount able.Fori
nstance, i
tshouldbe
clearl
yunder stoodbyal lthatthefatheri stheheadoft hefamilyunion.The
mot herisknownt obet hemanageroft hef amilyaffai
rs,andthechildrenalso
hav ecertai
nr esponsibil
it
iestofulfi
llsuchashousehol dchores,acommi tmentto
school orwor k,whicheverappl i
esatt heirlevel
,andsoon.Thi stypeofcl ari
ty
all
owst rusttobebui ltandpr eventsself-justi
fi
cation.

Somet imes, thereisabr eakdownofaccount abi

li
tywhenf amil
ymember sare
assignedr esponsi bi
li
ti
esandt heneededaut hori
tytomakei tworkisnot
prov i
ded.Ev erymemberoft hefami l
y,parti
cular
lytheparentinthehome,must
effecti
velyst andintheirposi t
ionsofaut hori
tyinthehomegov er
nmenttoensure
account abil
i
t y.Timeandav enuesshoul dalsobepr ovi
dedforevery
onetogivean
accountoft her esponsibil
iti
esgi ventothem pert ime.Iti
sonlyhumant otake
seriousl
yar esponsi bil
it
yforwhi chyouknowy ouwi ll
bechecked.Noteveryone
i
sgoodatwor kingwithoutsuper visi
on.
Inbui
ldi
ngasuccessf
ulfamil
y,ther
efore,
theaim ofaccountabi
li
tyi
stoteach
ever
ymemberoft hef
ami l
ytotakepersonalr
esponsibi
li
tyforthei
ract
ionsand
beconsciousoft
hesubsequenteff
ectoftheseacti
onsont heentir
efamil
y.

Benefit
sofTr ust
Trustisfundament ali
nbuildingasuccessfulfamily
,becausei tcreatesan
envir
onmentf orinti
macyt ogr owbetweenf amil
ymember s.Trueandl asting
i
ntimacycanonl ybebui l
twi thtr
ustasitsbackbone.Justasbui ldingtrusttakes
ti
me, sodoesi nti
macy ;i
tdoesnotgr ownat ur
all
y,anditisnotsomet hi
ngt hat
canbeenf orced.Inti
macywi llonl
ythri
vewher eeveryonefeelsasenseofsaf et
y
andconf i
denttrustintheintegri
tyoftheothermember sinvolved.

I
ntimacyisdefi
nedas"af eel
i
ngofbei nginti
mateandbel
ongi
ngtoget
her;cl
ose
i
nf r
iendshi
poracquai
ntance."Whatt r
ustdoesinafamil
yist
obri
ngallt
he
member softhefami
lyclosertoget
her,withasenseoft
ruebel
ongi
ngonet o
anotherinanat
mosphereoft ruefr
iendship.

Afamil
ythatenj
oysi
nti
macymustofanecessi
tycommandt
hebl
essi
ngsoft
he
Lor
d.For:

"Behol
d,howgoodandhowpl
easanti
tisf
orbrethr
entodwel
ltogetheri
n
unit
y…fort
her
etheLORDcommandedtheblessi
ng,ev
enli
fef
orev ermor
e."
-Psal
ms133:1,3

Chil
drenbr oughtupi nanat mosphereoftrueinti
macyareusuall
yv er
y
emot i
onallybalanced.Theyf i
nditeasi
ertoresistandovercomepeerpressur
es,
becauset heyfeel somuchl oveandaffecti
onf r
om thei
rfamil
ymember ssuch
thatnovoi dexi
stt hati
sy earni
ngforsati
sfact
ion.Int
imacyinvol
vesbothphysi
cal
andemot ionalinteract
ion.Emotionali
nti
macyhel pstobreedanopensharingof
feel
ings,experi
encesandt houghtsinaveryhonestwayamongf amil
ymember s.

Secondl
y,t
rustel
i
minat
esf
ear
.

"Behold,
Godismysal
vat
ion;
Iwi
l
ltr
ust
,andnotbeafrai
d:f
ort
heLORD
JEHOVAHi smystr
engt
handmysong;heal
soisbecomemysalvat
ion.
"
-I
saiah12:2

Perhapsoneofthegreat
estbenefi
tsoftr
ustinbuil
dingasuccessf
ul f
amilyist
he
el
iminati
onoffear
.Fearisaspi
rit
,whichgivesbi
rthtojeal
ousyandinsecuri
tyi
n
afamilyset
up.Thesearedest
royersofpeaceinthefamily
.

Feari
sdefinedas"afeel
i
ngofagi t
ati
onandanxietycausedbythepresenceor
i
mmi nenceofdanger
."Somet i
mesthefeeli
ngofinsecuri
tyamongfamily
member sl
eadstoanunwar rant
edapprehensi
onofmar it
alunf
ait
hful
ness.Trust
hel
pstoeliminat
ethi
s.Trustisal
sodefi
nedas" f
ir
mr eli
anceontheint
egrit
y,
abil
i
ty,orchar
acterofapersonort
hing."Whent
heint
egri
tyofmembersofa
famil
ycanbeat t
estedto,
thenthespir
itoff
eari
scomplet
elyel
imi
nat
edinthe
famil
ysetup.

Withtheel i
minat
ionoffeari
nanyfamil
ycomesst r
ength.Conf
idencei
nthe
i
ntegrityandcharact
erofmember sofafami
lyrel
easesthestr
engthtowor
k
togethertomaket hi
ngswork.Thefor
ceofunit
yinthehomebecomest hesecr
et
oftheirChri
sti
antesti
mony .

"
TheLORDismyrock,
andmyf or
tress,
andmydeliv
erer
;myGod,
mystr
ength,i
n
whom Iwi
l
ltr
ust
;mybuckl
er,
andthehor nofmysal
vati
on,
andmyhi
ghtower.
"
-
Psal
m 18:
2

I
nconcl usi
on,pl
easenot
ethatt
rusttakesti
meandpati
encetobuil
d.Iti
snota
gi
ft
;itisavirt
uethatr
equi
resaconscious,
deli
ber
ateef
for
ttobui
ld;anditbegi
ns
wi
thy ou.

CHAP.
8:DWELLACCORDI
NGTOKNOWLEDGE

Themaj orreasonforcr
isesinf amili
est odayisbecausefami l
ymember sdonot
ful
lyunderstandthei
rGod-givenresponsi bi
li
ti
esinthefamilysetup.Aperson
cannotdot hatwhichhedoesnotknow.I fapersondoesnotknowhi sduti
esi
n
thefamilysetup,
hecannotf ulf
ill
hisobl i
gati
ons.Inthi
schapt er
,Ishal
lbe
examiningoneoft hevi
talresponsibil
i
tiesnecessaryforachievi
ngfamily
success.

I
n1Pet
er3:
7theBi
bler
ecor
ds:

"Li
kewise,
yehusbands,dwel
lwit
ht hem accordi
ngt
oknowledge,
givi
nghonour
untothewife,
asuntotheweakervessel,andasbei
nghei
rstoget
heroft
hegrace
ofli
fe;t
hatyourpr
ayer
sbenothinder ed.
"

Themai nemphasishereist
hephr ase,"Dwellwiththem accor
dingto
knowledge."Thewor d"dwel
l"i
stranslatedfrom theGreekword" sunoikeo",
whichisusedt odenotedomesticassoci at
ion;andthisassoci
ationistobedone
accordingtoknowledge.Foranyfami l
yt oexperi
enceanydegreeofsuccess, a
knowledgeoft henatur
eanddut i
esofev er
ymemberoft hefamilyisinevit
able.
Whatt henisknowledge?

TheOxforddict
ionarydefi
nesknowl edgeasawarenessorfamil
iar
it
ygainedby
exper
ienceofaper son.Di
cti
onary.
com defi
nesitas"thest
ateorfactofknowing;
famil
i
arit
y,awareness,orunder
standinggai
nedthroughexperi
enceorstudy;
speci
fi
cinformati
onaboutsomet hing."

WhentheBible,
therefore,
enjoi
nsust
odwellaccor
dingtoknowl
edge,
itmeans
t
herearecert
ainfactsthatonemustl
ayhol
doni nordert
oenjoyf
amil
ysuccess.
Ther
earelotsoffamil
ycri
seswhenwehavel
i
ttl
eornoknowl
edgeofourdut
ies
i
nfulf
il
li
ngGod'sult
imatepur
posefort
hef
amil
y.Thati
swhyt
heBibl
esaysin
Hosea4:6:

"
Mypeopl
ear
edest
roy
edf
orl
ackofknowl
edge…"

Eachmemberoft hefamil
yhasacer tai
nGod- givenr esponsi bil
itytofulfi
llinthe
family,
inorderforsuccesstoaboundt herein.Myhusbandhasof tenshar edone
ofthesecretsofourf amil
ysuccess, whichist heacqui sit
ionofknowl edge.By
reasonofwhathesawoft hemar r
iageinstit
utioni nhisgr owi ngupday s,he
beganseekingt oknowf r
om GodHi str
uepur posef orthei nstituti
onofmar r
iage.
I
twasi nthatstatethatGodshowedhi mt hesev enconcept sofmar ri
age, whi ch
hasbeenpr acti
cedconscienti
ouslyinourf ami ly
, causingust oenj oyagr eatdeal
ofsuccess.Ittookknowledgef orustoknowouri ndi
vidual placementi nt he
familynet
wor k,andthatknowledgehassetusf reef r
om ev er yfami l
ycrises.

Toenj
oyfamilysuccess,
theref
ore,t
heplaceofknowl
edgecannotbeover
emphasi
zed.InProver
bs24:3-4theNIVBibl
e,enumer
ati
ngthebenef
it
sof
knowl
edge,says:

"Bywi
sdom ahousei
sbui
lt
, andt
hroughunder
standi
ngitisestabl
i
shed;
thr
ough
knowl
edgei
tsroomsaref
il
ledwit
hr ar
eandbeauti
fult
reasures.
"

Ifyoumustf i
ndr ooms(famili
es)whicharef
il
ledwi t
hrareandbeaut i
ful
treasuresofpeace,l
ove,joy,
sati
sfacti
on,
sunshine,ful
fi
ll
ment,etc,
then
knowl edgei
sthekey .I
ttakesknowledgetoenjoyfamilysuccess.

Theprescr
ipt
iontodwel
l accordi
ngtoknowledgewi
thi
nthefami
lynetwor
khas
i
tssourcei
nGod.Therefore,Iwil
lbelooki
ngatHisi
nst
ruct
iononthesubj
ect
,for
theBi
blehassaidinPr
overbs2: 6

"Fort
heLORDgivet
hwi
sdom:outofhi
smout
hcomet
hknowl
edgeand
under
standi
ng.
"

Thescriptur
esof tenuset hewor dswisdom, knowledgeandunder
standi
ng
i
nterchangeably.Buttheyar eoccasi
onallyspokenofasseparateanddist
inct
.
Knowledgeist hef act
s,understandi
ngist heabil
i
tytolif
tthemeani
ngoutofthe
fact
s,andwi sdom i sknowingwhatnextt odo.

Knowledgei st
heabi l
i
t ytocoll
ateandaccessinf
ormation.Thisalonemaynotbe
benef
icial,
excepttheinformationgat
heredisunderst
ood,leadingyout othenext
l
ineofact i
on.Understanding,ontheot
herhand,istheabil
it
ytoext ractmeaning
outofinformati
on,whi chproducespri
ncipl
es;
whilewisdom ist heabil
it
yto
deci
pherwhi chpri
nciplestoapplynow.

Thei
njunct
iont
odwel
laccor
dingt
oknowl
edgewi
l
lnotbebenef
ici
alwi
thoutan
underst
andingofwhatone'sresponsibil
i
tiesare,andadecisi
ontoputt hem t
o
work.Thischapteri
sdedicat
ed,ther
efore, tot
hebibli
cali
nstr
ucti
onsto
husbands,wivesandchil
drenconcerningt hei
rcovenantr
esponsi
bil
i
ties,
bl
essings,andprivi
l
eges.

Dut
iesofTheMen
Tothehusbandswer
eadi
ntheBi
ble:

"
Husbands,l
oveyourwi
ves,
andbenotbi
tt
eragai
nstt
hem.
"
-
Col
ossians3:
19

"Li
kewise,
yehusbands,dwel
lwit
ht hem accordi
ngt
oknowledge,
givi
nghonour
untothewife,
asuntotheweakervessel,andasbei
nghei
rstoget
heroft
hegrace
ofli
fe;t
hatyourpr
ayer
sbenothinder ed.
"
-1Peter3:
7

"Husbands,l
ovey ourwives,evenasChristal
solovedt
hechurch,andgave
himselff
orit
.
Sooughtment ol ovetheirwiv
esast hei
rownbodies.Hethatl
ovethhi
swife
l
ov et
hhimself.
Fornomanev ery ethatedhisownf l
esh;butnouri
shet
handcheri
shethit
,evenas
theLordthechur ch."
-Ephesi
ans5:25,28- 29

Aman' sprimaryresponsibil
i
tyinthefamilyistocar ef
orandgenerall
yov ersee
thewel fareofhisfami l
y.Agreatburdenisplacedont hemant olovehiswi feas
ChristlovestheChur ch,andhei snotexempt edfrom t
hisresponsi
bil
i
tyev enif
hiswifei snotsubmi ssi
v eorisunsaved.Thisresponsi
bil
it
ycanbeaccompl i
shed
onlythroughsacr i
fi
ces, bei
ngagodl yexampl e,andthr
oughanuncondi t
ional
devotion,commi tmentanddedi cati
ont ohisfami l
y.

Yourwi fei
sy ourchi
efconcern,secondonl ytoGod.Mat thew5: 43-48def i
nes
thistypeoflovebeauti
full
y.ThereJesusenj oinedust hathumanl ovemustbe
patter
nedaf tert
hemannerofGod' slove.GodsendsHi srainonbot hthejustand
unjust,andmakesHi ssunt oshineont hegoodandt hebad.Thi ski ndofloveis
generousandwi thanuncondi t
ionalgoodwi l
l.Itwi
llneverseekany t
hingbutthe
highestgoodoft hefamily
.Likewise,ir
respectiveofthebehav iourofot her
member softhefamily
,themanmustal waysseekt heirhighestgood.

Themani stheheadoft hehousehol dandbear stheresponsibi

li
tyfortheent i
re
fami l
yunit.Hi
sl eadershi pposi t
ionasheadoft heunionplacesagr eat
responsibi
lit
yonhi mt opr otect,car
efor,andseekthegener alwell
-bei
ngofhi s
fami l
y:spi
rit
ually,physically
, andemot i
onall
y.Thi
skindofl ovemustbeseeni n
action,andnoti nmer ewor ds.Amancant ellmember sofhisfamilyalldaylong
thathel ov
est hem, butunt i
lheshowst hem thatlov
e, hi
swor dswilldolit
tl
et o
strengthentheirfamilyr elat
ionship.Thi
sdimensionofl ovealsodemandst hat
ev
eni
ftheyt
reathi
m wr
ong,
hemustt
reatt
hem r
ightev
eryt
ime.

Thehusbandshoul dencour agethespirit

ualdevelopmentofhi sfamil
y ,
asChr i
st
encouragedt hespiri
tualdevelopmentofHi sdisciples.Hemustev enbepr epar
ed
tolaydownhi sli
feforthem, i
fnecessar y
.Thisincludesgi v
ingupsel f
ishhobbies
andpastt imeswhi chtakehi m awayfrom thefami lyunitordrainneeded
resourcesfrom thefami l
ybudget .Forthespir
it
ual developmentoft hef amil
y,i
t
i
sal sorequiredthatthehusbandl eadshi shousehol dinthestudyofGod' sword
andi nregularfamil
ydev oti
ons.Hei stotakethel ead,parti
cularl
ybyexampl e,i
n
thewor shi
pofGod.I nadditi
on,amancannotdi recttheaf f
air
sofhi sfami l
y
withoutfir
sthav i
ngdailyfel
lowshi pwit
ht heLordi nprayersandt hestudyofthe
Bible.

Alsoi
ncludedinthemeani ngof" dwellwiththem accordingtoknowl edge"ist
he
i
ntimateknowledgeofy ourwi feandf ami l
ymember s.Famili
arit
ybreedsinti
macy.
Themanmustt aket hetimeandmaket heef f
orttoknowwhathi swi f
eand
famil
ymember sli
keanddi slike, whatmakest hem happyandsad, andwhat
makest hem secureandi nsecur e,andstrivetosatisfyorpleasethem.Amani s
tobesympat heti
ct othedesi resandf eelingsofhishousehol d.Hemustal so
alwaysconsidertheirphysical andemot ionalneeds.

Amanofwi sdom said,andIagreewi t

hhi m,t
hatt hemoreweknowGod, t
he
greaterloveforGodwewi llhav
e, andthegreaterall
egi
anceandobediencewe
willy
ieldtoHi m.Thesamei str
ueoft hefamily.Themoreamanknowshi s
familyandhi sresponsi
bili
ti
estowar dsthem,themor ehewil
llovehisfamil
yand
desir
et oserveandpr ovideforthem.Theonl ywayt oacqui
retherequir
ed
knowl edgeinalltheseareasisbyadi li
gentstudyofGod'sWord(2Ti m.2:
15).

Anot herfundament aldutyoft hemani stohonourhi swi f

eandot hermember sof
thefami ly.Thi
sper hapsisanev enhigherlevelofresponsibil
it
yt hanjust
providingf ort
heirphy si
calneeds.Respect ,t
heysay ,isrecipr
ocal.Ifamanmust
enjoyr espectfrom member sofhishousehol d,thenhemustbewi l
li
ngfir
stto
i
nv estinit.Hemustr espect,admire,appreci
ate, pr
aiseandexal thisfamily.
Thesehedoesbyhi schasteconduct ,behaviourandspeech.Amanwhoi ssoft
spokent omember sofhisfami lywil
lmostcer tainl
yr eapachast econv er
sati
on
from hishousehol d.Ahar sh-tonguedmanwi lldefi
nit
elyraiseafami lywit
hharsh
andnaggi ngtongues.

Amanshoul dnotbeat y r
ant.Amanandhi swifeareequalbeforeGod, t
hough
theyhav edi f
ferentfunctions.Husbandsandwi vesaretosubmi ttooneanother
(Col.3:18,1Pet .3:
1-7).Itshouldbenot edthatwomenarenoti nferi
or,
norare
theysubser v
ientinstatust othemen.Thoughawomani sequal toherhusband,
yetbyt hemar r
iagecov enantshehaschosent osubmithersel
ft oherown
husband( Gen.24:8,58),event houghsheisequalinst
atustoot hermen.Ifaman,
ther
ef ore,recognisesthisimpor tantf
act,i
tbecomeseasyf orhimt ogivehonour
tohiswi fe.
Dut
iesOfTheWomen
Tothewi
vesweread:

"
Wiv
es,submi
tyour
sel
vesunt
oyourownhusbands,
asi
tisf
iti
ntheLor
d."
-
Col
ossi
ans3:
18

"Thattheymayt eachthey oungwoment obesober

,tol
ovetheirhusbands,
to
l
ov ethei
rchildr
en,
Tobedi screet,
chaste,keepersathome,good,
obedi
entt
otheirownhusbands,
thatthewor dofGodbenotbl asphemed.
"
-
Titus2:4-5

"Wives,submity ourselvesuntoy ourownhusbands,asuntotheLor

d.
Forthehusbandi stheheadoft hewife,
evenasChristi
stheheadofthechur
ch:
andhei sthesav iouroft hebody .
Thereforeast hechur chissubjectuntoChri
st,
soletthewivesbetothei
rown
husbandsi nev erythi
ng. "
-Ephesians5:22-24

Thewoman' sprimaryresponsi
bil
it
y,af
tert
heLord,i
stoherhusbandandchil
dren.
Thewomanr ecei
vedthet i
tl
eof"hel
pmeet"inGenesi
s2, whi
chclear
ly
establ
ishedherrol
einthef ami
lyasoneofasupporttoherhusband.TheBi
ble
specif
ical
lydemandsoft hewomansubmi ssi
oninallt
hings.

Amanofwi sdom, Davi

dLipscomb, wrote,"Thesubmissionofthewifetothe
husbandisthatoflove,r
espectandr everence,whichi
sbef i
tt
ingtherel
ati
onshe
holdstoherhusband.Inherspher esheisspi r
it
uall
yonanequal i
tywithman,but
asahusband, heisthenaturalscri
ptur
allyrecogni
sedheadandl eaderofthe
family
.Hersubmi ssi
onmustbei naccordancewi t
hthepr i
nci
plesof
ri
ghteousness,andnothi
ngisrequi r
edofheri nconsi
stentwit
hChr i
sti
an
character
."

Indwelli
ngaccordingtoknowl edge, awomanmustr ecogniseandputt ousethe
knowledgeofherpl acementinthef ami l
y,i
nor dertoenjoyasuccessf ulf
amily.
Theideaofsubmi ssionisastumbl ingblockt omanywomen, becausethey
equatesubmissionwi thi
nferi
orit
y.Menandwomenar ecreatedco-equalbyGod,
butforthepurposeofHi splanofr edempt i
on,Godhasassi gnedtoeachoft hem
dif
feri
ngrol
est ocar r
yout.Godhascl earl
ycalledthewi fetosubmittoherown
husband.ThatisGod' sdesi
gnor dainedf orherblessings.

Themat terofsubmissioni
sv er
yclear
lyi
ndicatedinthever
sesquotedabove.
Thewi f
ei stosubmittoherhusband.Themannerofsubmi ssi
onisasuntothe
Lord,
andt hemoti
veisGod'sdesigntomaket hehusbandtheheadofthewife.
Themodel ist
hewayt heChurchsubmitst
oChr i
st,
andtheext
entisinever
ythi
ng.
ThatisGod' sdesi
gnforthewomani nthefamilysetup.
Amanofwi sdom oncesaid,"
Whenpur poseisnotknown,abuseisi
nevi
tabl
e."
Thereasonwomenf i
nditdif
fi
culttobesubmi ssi
vei
sbecausetheydonotknow
themotivef
orsubmissi
onandt hemanneri nwhichsubmissi
onistoberender
ed.
Ephesi
ans5:23cl
earl
ypointsoutthemot i
veforsubmissi
on:

"
Fort
hehusbandi
stheheadoft
hewi
fe.
"

That
'sGod'
sdesi
gn,
that
'st
hedi
vi
nepl
an.

Justasabodysubmi t
stot hebrai
nlocatedintheheadbydesi gn,sothewif
e
shouldsubmittothehusband, whoisthehead.Wheny ouseeabodyt hatdoes
notrespondtothehead, youseeadef ormit
y,youseesomet hi
ngthati
snot
normal.Youseeady sfuncti
onalperson.Thesamei strueinamar ri
age.Wherea
wifedoesnotsubmi tt
oherhusband, t
herei
sdi st
ort
ion,deformit
y,and
dysfunct
ion.Godhasdesi gnedthatthebodyrespondt othehead,andthe
husbandistheheadoft hewi f
e.

Inthesamev erse23,weseet hemodel ofsubmi ssion:"

AsChristist
heheadof
thechurch."I
notherwords,awomani st osubmitt oherhusbandast heChur
ch
submi t
stoChr i
st.Wi
ththesamecompl et
e,non-grudging,j
oyf
ul andwil
li
nghear
t
thattheChurchhasinobey i
ngChrist
,thewifeistosubmi ttoherhusband,i
n
orderforthewomant oenjoysuccessinherfami ly.

Womenshoul dseekt heLorddi l

i
gentl
yandst r
ivet
obechast einconduct ,
behaviour
,anddr essing.Thewomanhast hedutytopursueoppor t
unit
iesto
serveinappropri
atecapaci t
iesandpursuethoseskil
lsnecessaryfor
homemaki ng(Prov .31:10-
30).SarahwasfoundpleasingtotheLor dbecauseof
hersubmissiontoAbr aham,andasar esul
t,shebecamet hemot herofmany
nati
ons.Thewomanwascr eatedtosupportmaninhisendeav oursandbear
chi
ldrentofi
lltheear t
h.

I
nt hebookofTitus,thewomanhasanot herresponsibil
it
y,whichist olov eher
husbandandherchi ldr
en,tobesensibl
e,tothinkright,
tobepur e,chast e,
vi
rtuous,andsexuall
yfait
hfult
oherhusbandi nev eryway .Thewomanal soisto
bepr eoccupi
edwithwhoshei s,nothowshel ooks.FirstTimothy2: 9-10say sa
womani stobeatt
iredmodestlyanddiscreet
ly,withgodlyfear,sobriety,and
modest y,Shei
stobemodestanddi scr
eet,demonst rati
nggodl yfear.

Anotherresponsi bil
it
yoft hewomani nherf amilyistobeawor kerathome.Titus
2:5describesherasa" keeperathome."Thisdoesn' tsimplyref
ertoher
scrubbi
ngf loors,cleaningbathrooms,andal lt
hat.Itsimplyconnotesthatthe
homei sthespher eofherl abours,
whatevertheremi ghtbe.Itisnotthata
womani stokeepbusyal lt
hetimeathome, orthatshecannev ergoouttowork
ordoot herthings.Nei therdoesitmeanthatshe' salway st
obedoi ngmenial
tasksandhomechor es.Whatitsimpl
ymeansi st hatthehomei st
hesphereof
herdi
vi
neassignment.Thehomeismeantforkeeping,andt
heoneassi
gnedby
Godtodothattaski
st hewoman.Godwil
lnotdof oryouwhaty
ouaremeantto
do.

Thewomani st
obet hehomekeeper ,sheist otakecar eofherhusband, andto
prov
ideforhim andt heirchi
ldrenallthattheyneedast heylivei
nthehome.
Materi
all
y,sheistotr ansl
atether esourcesherhusbandbr ingshomeintoa
comfort
ableandbl essedl i
feforherf amily.Shei stot akethespir
it
ualthi
ngsshe
knowsandl ear
ns,andt opasst hem ont oherchi ldren.Shei sakeeperathome.
Shemustacceptt her esponsibil
it
yt oprayf orthef ami l
y.I
fshedoesnot ,noone
el
sewill
.

Therei
snoonewhocanpr ayaspassi onatel
yf ory ourf amilyli
key ouwoul d.You
al
oneknowt hetruestateofy ourhome, soyouar eint hebestposi tiontoknow
whattodot okeepi tsafefrom allformsofwi ckedness.Thati swhymyhusband
oft
entesti
fiesthathehasnothadt hef i
rstconcer nov erourhome, becauseI
haveconsistent
lystoodinmypl aceasakeeperoft hehome.Ihav eal waystaken
whatmyhusbandpr ovides,incl
udingt hev i
sionoft hemi ni
st r
yGodhas
committedintohishands, andpassedt hem unt ot hechi l
drenandev er
yother
memberofourhousehol d.Noconcer nhasev errisen, becauseev ery oneknows
wheretofitinperti
me.Thatshal lalsobecomey ourt esti
mony ,inJesusname.

DutiesoftheChil
dren
Thei nj
uncti
ontodwellaccor
dingtoknowledgewasspecifi
call
yaddressedtothe
men.Howev er
,chi
ldr
enalsoneedt oknowthei
rresponsi
bil
i
tiestot
heirparent
sin
ordertoenjoyfamil
ysuccess.Ephesi
ans6:1-
3clearl
ystat
es:

"Chi
ldren,obeyyourparent
sintheLor
d:forthisisr
ight
.
Honourt hyfat
herandmot her
;whichi
sthef i
rstcommandmentwi
thpromi
se;
Thatitmaybewel lwiththee,
andthoumay estli
velongont
heear
th.
"

Honourf oryourparent
si sacommandment .Infact,thisscri
ptur
esay sitist
he
fi
rstcommandmentwi thapr omiseattachedt oit.Ther easonwef i
ndal otof
peopletodaywhocan' tseem tomakei tinlife,i
nspiteoft hei
rhardwor k,i
s
perhapsbecauset heyhav edi
shonouredt heirparents.Ifyouwantt oseegood,
thenobediencetoGod' scommandi srequired.Showi nghonourandr espectto
yourparentsisacommandmentt hati
snotnegot iable.Itdoesnothaveany
givencondit
ionswheni tmaybedi sobey ed.Thatmeanswhet heryourparents
aregoodorbad, insensit
iveori
rrati
onal,bornagai nornot ,nomattertheirst
ate,
honourforthem isamust .

TheAmer i
canHerit
ageDi ct
ionarydefineshonouras"esteem dueorpaidt
o
worth;hi
ghestimation;r
espect;considerat
ion;r
ever
ence; vener
ati
on;
manifestat
ionofrespectorreverence."Thatmeansyouar et ogi
vetoyour
parentsduerespectandreverence,andest eem t
hem highlyunderev
ery
ci
rcumstancesofl i
fe.
Forfai
lur
et ohonourhi
sfat
her,Reubenl
osthi
sgl
ori
ouspl
acei
ndest
iny
.The
Bibl
erecordsinGenesi
s35:22:

"
Anditcametopass,whenIsraeldweltinthatland,
thatReubenwentandl
ay
wi
thBil
hahhi
sfather
'sconcubine:andIsraelheardi
t..
."

I
nGenesis49:
3-4,whenJacobwaspr
onounci
ngbl
essi
ngsonhi
ssons,
what
Reubengotwasthis:

"Reuben,thouartmyf i
rst
born,
mymi ght
,andthebegi
nni
ngofmyst r
ength,t
he
excell
encyofdignit
y,andtheexcel
l
encyofpower:
Unstableaswat er
,thoushal
tnotexcel
;becauset
houwentestupt
othyfather'
s
bed;thendefil
edstthouit
:hewentuptomycouch."

I
tissad,becauseReubenbydesti
nywast heexcel
lencyofdi
gni
ty.Hewasby
dest
inysupposedtobeamanofdi gni
ty.Buthelostitf
oronesi
ngularactof
di
shonourandlackofrespectf
orhi
sfather.

Jesusf
urt
heremphasi
zedt
hispoi
nti
nMat
thew19:
16-
19:

"And,behold,onecameandsai duntohi
m,GoodMaster,whatgoodthi
ngshal
lI
do,thatImayhav eeternall
if
e?Andhesaidunt
ohim …butifthouwi
ltent
eri
nto
l
ife,keepthecommandment s.Hesai
thunt
ohim,Which?Jesussai
d…Honour
thyfatherandthymot her…"

Longevi
tyoneart
handet ernit
ywi t
hGodarebothtiedtot
hehonourgiv
enby
chi
ldr
entothei
rparents.Thisalsoispar
toft
heTenCommandment sgivent
o
MosesinExodus20:12.TheBi blesaysi
nEccl
esiastes4: "
12,…Athreefol
dcord
i
snotquickl
ybroken.
"

I
fy ouwanttoseemanygoodandful
fi
ll
i
ngdaysontheear
th,
thenasachil
dina
famil
y,r
espectfory
ourpar
ent
sisnon-
negot
iabl
e.Youwi
ll
makeit,
inJesus'
name!

CHAPTER9:
FILLI
NGTHECRACKS

Whentherearecracksinthewall
sofahouse, l
i
zar
dshidetherecomfor
tabl
y.
Marr
iage,
asIhav esaidinthecourseoft
hisbook,
isl
ikeahouse;andtheli
zar
ds
ofl
i
fecanbel i
kenedt othedevi
landhisagent
s.Anycrackyouall
owisanopen
i
nvi
tati
ontothedev i
ltohaveaccesstoyourhome.

"Nei
thergi
veplacet
othedev
il
."
-Ephesi
ans4:27
Wehav eearli
erestablishedthef actthatcommi tmentisfundament altosuccess
i
nf amil
yli
fe.Wher ethereisnocommi tmentt herewillbenotrust,anddistrust
l
eadst ocr
acksi nthemar r
iage.Cracksl ef
tunf i
lledbecomegul li
es,andwi t
ht he
eff
ectoferosion,gul
liesbecomecany ons!Inotherwor ds,anycracky ouleave
unatt
endedtowi llwi
tht imedet eri
orateunti
l divorcebecomesi nevit
able.

WatchthatUnforgi
veness!
Unfor
givenessisonemaj orcrackinthewallofmanyf ami
li
estoday .I
tcauses
coupl
est oholdontoissues,offences,mi
sunderst
andingsandvarioushurtsof
thepast
, andbefor
elongt her
ei sarif
tsowidethattearst
hefamilyapart.

Il
ikenunfor
giv
enessi
nfami
l
iest
ocancer
.Ical
litf
amil
ycancer
.Justascancer
eatsupthebody,
manyfami
li
eshav
ebeeneatenupandtor
napartby
unfor
giv
eness.

"Lookingdi
li
gentl
ylestanymanf ai
lofthegr
aceofGod;
lestanyrootof
bit
ternessspri
ngi
ngupt roubl
eyou,andther
ebymanybedefil
ed.
"
-Hebrews12:15

Don'
tgiveroom tobi
tter
nessandunf orgi
veness.Lear
nt oi
nstant
lyforgi
veeach
ot
her.I
nf act,y
oucangoast epfurtherbylearni
ngtoforgi
veevenbefore
of
fencesar ecommitt
ed.Oneinteresti
ngthingaboutangerandbit
ternessi
sthat
i
tisyouwhosuf f
eri
tsconsequences,notthepersonyouareangrywi t
h.

I
nf act,i
tisamedi calfactthatwheny ouareangr y,bitterorli
veinunforgiv
eness
yourbodysy stem issetatani mbalancewhi chulti
mat elydestroysyourhealth.A
researcherisquotedassay ingthatonemi nuteofdepr essi
onsuppressesy our
i
mmunesy stem bysixhour s,whereasonemi nuteofl aughterboost
sy our
i
mmunesy stem bytwent y
-fourhour s.Sotakeheedt oGod' swordandl earnto
destroyeveryrootofbitternessandof f
encebef or
ei tget sachancet odestroy
you.

TakingForgivenessTooFar
Letmest ateherethatwhenwearetal
ki
ngaboutf
orgiv
eness,wi
sdom demands
thatyoudon'tendangeryourl
i
fei
nthenameofforgi
veness.

I
ncaseswher ethemanhasbeenabusi
veandthewomani sbei
ngthreatened
wit
hdeath,andhehasinfactact
ual
l
ymadeat t
emptsatendi
ngherli
fe,shemust
appl
ywisdom here.I
fyouarei
nsuchasi
tuat
ion,f
leef
oryourl
if
e!

Butwhereyourli
feisnotendangered,
thoughitisanabusi
verel
ati
onshi
p,seek
counsel
from bor
n-agai
n,Spir
it
-fi
l
ledmarriagecounsel
l
ors.Youwil
lbepreser
ved
i
nJesus'name!

For
mal
i
zeYourRel
ati
onshi
p
Anothercrackthatcoul
daffectt
hesuccessofyourfamil
yist
hatofanil
legal
union.Somecoupl eshavebeenli
vi
ngtogetherf
oryear
sandhaveevenhad
chil
drentogetherwit
houtapropermarr
iage:nodowryhasbeenpai
d,norhave
theyhadanyf orm off
ormalengagement.

Theaccountofthefi
rstmarriagerecordedinGenesis2clearlyshowsust hata
for
m offormalweddingwasconduct edi nt
heGar denofEden.Adam di dnotjust
ri
seuptof i
ndEvewanderingabouti nanotherpartoft
hegar den,takeherhome,
andtheytwostart
edliv
ingtogether.TheBiblerecor
dsinverse22t hatGod
"…br
oughtheruntotheman. "Godhadt ophy si
call
ydel
iverhertoAdam.

Marri
ageisthebasisfort
hefamily.I
fyoumustenjoyasuccessfulfamil
y,then
youmustf i
rstbemarri
ed.Paythedowry,i
fithasnotbeenpaid.Thepaymentof
somef or
m ofdowr yi
sscri
ptur
al.ThatyouareaChrist
iandoesnotov er
ri
det he
paymentoft hatwhi
chisduetotheparents.TheBi
blerecor
dsinMar k12:17:

"
AndJesusanswer
ingsai
duntothem,Rendert
oCaesart
het
hingst
hatar
e
Caesar
's,
andt
oGodt het
hingst
hatar
eGod's."

Dowr
ypay
menti
sther
ightoft
hebr
ide'
sfami
l
y,soensur
eyougi
vei
ttot
hem.

ThebookofGenesisrecor
dsav erygraphicpict
ureofat y
picalwedding,andal
l
thati
srequi
redtobedone.Abraham senthisservanttogetawi f
ef orhi
sson,
I
saac,fr
om amonghisbrethr
en.Godpr osperedtheservant'
sjourneyandhe
foundRebekah.TheBi
blehasthisrecordedinGenesis24:51-53:

"Behold,Rebekahi sbef or
ethee,takeher,andgo,andletherbethymaster'
s
son'swife,ast heLORDhat hspoken.
Andi tcamet opass,that,whenAbr aham'sser
vantheardtheirwords,
he
worshippedt heLORD, bowinghimsel ft
otheeart
h.
Andt heserv antbroughtforthj
ewel sofsil
ver
,andjewelsofgold,andrai
ment,
andgav ethem t oRebekah:hegav ealsotoherbrot
herandt ohermother
preci
oust hings."

Not
icet
hatpreci
ousthi
ngswer
egiventoLaban,
whowasatt
hispoi
ntact
ingas
t
heheadofthefamil
y,andt
oRebekah'
smotheralso.

Howev er,Imustment i
ont hatinthepay mentofdowr y,youshoul dwat chtheki nd
ofthingsy oupresentasdowr y.Anythingyouknowwi llaffecty ourChr i
sti
an
testi
monyshoul dnev erbegi ven.Irememberwhathappenedwhenmyhusband
andIwer et ogetmar ri
ed.Mypar entsgavemyhusbandal istofi t
emst obringas
dowr y,andt helistcontai
nedsomei t
emst hatwouldaffectourChr ist
ian
testi
mony .Myhusbandsi mpl ydiscussedwi t
hthem howsuchanactcoul daf f
ect
usinf uture,inthelightoftheWor dofGod, andthoseitemswer etakenof fthe
l
ist.Nopar entwant stojeopardizethef ut
ureofthei
rdaught er.Alli
ttakesi sa
ri
ghtwor dspokeni nseason.TheBi blesays,"Howf or
ciblear erightwor ds!"(Job
6:
25)
.

Ifyouapproachyourparentswit
ht heri
ghtwords,Iam def
ini
tel
ysuret
heywil
l
l
istentoyou.JustaskforthehelpoftheHolySpiri
ttospeakasyououghtt
o,and
tomakey ousensiti
vetorightt
iming.Thatway,youwil
l wi
nthem ov
eronyour
side.

Hav i
ngper for
medal lthatisrequired,
youmustalsoensurey ouobtainparent
al
blessings.Thereissomet hingabouttheblessi
ngsyourparentspronounceon
yout hatsti
ckstoy ouuntilallthei
rgoodwishesbeestabli
shediny ourl
if
e.
Abraham' sservantdidnotj ustgrabRebekahanddisappearedwit
hher .TheBibl
e
recordsinGenesi s24:58-60:

"Andt heycall
edRebekah,andsaiduntoher,Wil
tthougowi ththisman?Andshe
said,Iwil
lgo.
Andt heysentawayRebekaht hei
rsist
er,andhernurse,andAbr aham'sservant
,
andhi smen.
Andt heyblessedRebekah,andsaiduntoher,Thouartoursist
er ,
bethout he
mot herofthousandsofmill
ions,
andletthyseedpossesst hegat eofthose
whichhat ethem."

Theseblessi
ngsbecameapr acti
calreal
i
tyinherl
if
e,andindeedweareal
lpar
t
ofthethousandsofmil
l
ionsprophesieduponRebekah(Gal.4:
28)
.Youshal
lal
so
experi
encethisdi
mensi
onofbl essi
ngs,i
nJesus'name.

Anotherver
yimportantaspectoff
ormalizi
ngyourmar
ri
agei
stoacknowl
edge
theplaceofaholyChri
stianweddi
ng.InGenesis2:
22weseeGod'
spract
ical
i
nv ol
vementinthei
nstit
utionofmarr
iage.Hei
twaswhogaveEveouttoAdam.
TheBi bl
esays:

"Andtherib,
whicht
heLORDGodhadt
akenf
rom man,
madeheawoman,
and
broughtherunt
otheman.
"

I
twi llt
herefore,beunsaf etoimagi neyoucansur vi
vethewickednessand
attacksoft hedev i
lont hemar ri
ageinsti
tuti
onwi t
houtGod.TheBi bl
esaysinthe
l
astday s,thedev ilwil
ldomor ewickedl
y( Rev.12:
12;2Tim.3:1),
andsincehe
recognizest hatthepeaceoft heear t
hisdependentont hefamily
, hei
sattacki
ng
thef amil
yinst i
tuti
onwit hall
vehemence.Thi saccountsforthealarmi
ngrateof
fami l
ybreakdownst oday .

Godisy ourFather,andonl yabastardwoulddesiretogoout si

dehisf ather'
s
housetogetmar r
ied.Thepr esenceofGodmakesal lthedi
ffer
encei nl i
fe.What
happensatChr ist
ianweddi ngsisthatGodisinvit
edt obeapar toftheuni on,
occupyi
ngHi spr i
mar yplaceinyourunion.Thatcannotbeov er
looked.Soensur e
youformalizeyourmar ri
agewi thaproperChrist
ianwedding.Incasey ouare
alr
eadylivi
ngtoget heroryouwer enevermar r
iedinthechurch,iti
simpor t
ant
thaty
ougetyourpast
ort
oarr
angetoblessyouruni
on,eveni
fyoucannothav
e
anopenchur
chweddingli
kei
tisdonewithnewcouples.

I
ti salsoimpor
tanttohaveaproperlegal
document ati
onofyourunion.I
nGod's
deali
ngwi thman,Healwaysensuresther
eisat oken,whichact
sasaconst ant
reminderoftheter
msoft hecovenant.Wit
hNoahi nGenesis8:20-22and9:14-
17
i
tist herai
nbow.Abraham hadtoundergocir
cumci si
oninGenesis17:9-
11.Even
Jesushadt hesealofHisbloodasproofofthecovenantofoursalvat
ion(Heb.
8:6).

Alegal backupforyourmar
riageisnotasafetydevice,astheworl
dwould
considerit.I
tissi
mplyapointofcontactt
or emindGodt hatyouhavef
ulf
il
ledal
l
ri
ghteousnessconcer ni
ngy
ourmar ri
age,and,ther
efore,t
heenemymusthav eno
accessi nt
oy ourf
amily.

Formal i
zi
ngy ourunionwithyourspousecanhel peli
mi natesev er
alin-roads
throughwhi cht hedev i
lwouldhavepenet r
atedyourfamily.Somanywor kso
hardandy ethav everyli
tt
leornothingtoshowf ori
t,becauset hereisal eakage
i
nt heirhome.Someev ensuffergreatheal
thchall
enges, becausethedev i
lhas
foundapoi ntofjusti
fi
cationagai
nstthem.TheBi bl
esay s: "
Het hatdiggethapit
shallfal
lintoit;andwhosobr eakethanhedge, aserpentshallbitehim"( Eccl
.
10:8).

Remembert heexampleofJob.Thedevilcouldonlyreachhi
mt hr
oughthe
l
eakageoff earheopenedup.Hewasconst antl
yscaredofthepossibl
e
consequencesofhischil
dren'
smisdemeanours,thathekeptof
feri
ngsacr
if
ices
toavertGod'scur
se(Job1:5).So,
whencalami t
ybefellhi
m hesai
d:

"Fort
het hi
ngwhi
chIgr
eat
lyf
ear
edi
scomeuponme,
andt
hatwhi
chIwasaf
rai
d
ofiscomeuntome"
(Job3:25).

Somet i
meagoIshar edt histruthatoneofourwomenconv enti
ons.Acoupl e
whohadbeenl iv
ingt ogetherforalmostt enyearswithoutbei
ngmar ri
ed,and
havehadt hreechildr
en, becauset helady'
sparentsrefusedtoconsenttotheir
mar r
iage,deci
dedt omakepeaceanddot heri
ghtthi
ng.Theyhadov erthey ear
s
beenv i
ctimsofgr eatfinancialupsanddowns.Theyi nvestsomuchandy ethave
veryli
ttl
einretur
n.Theywer ev eryzealousforthethi
ngsofGod; covenant
practi
ti
oners,andy etvicti
msofhel l
.Theymett helady'sfami
ly,
paidthedowr y,
wentt ochurchandhadt heirunionblessedbyoneoft hepastor
s.

Soonaft
er,gr
eatbusinessdoorsopenedforthem.Theirl
ivestookanewturn.
Theybegantoenjoyallmanneroffavour
s:theybui
ltt
heirownhouse,andeven
boughtaMercedesBenzcar,allt
hroughthesimpleactofformali
zi
ngthei
runi
on!
Yourowntesti
monywi ll
bethenext!
Chil
drenborninsuchanunhol
yuni
onar
ealsovi
cti
msofli
fe.TheBi
blerecor
ds
thatt
heiniqui
ti
esofthepar
ent
saff
ectt
hei
rchi
l
dren,ev
entothethi
rdandfourt
h
generat
ion(Deut.5:
9).

Whati smor e,chil

drenr ai
sedinsuchunionswilll
ikelyendupi nsimi l
arunionsas
well.Ifyoulackrespectandr egar
dsforthemar ri
agei nst
it
ution,yourchil
dr en
alsowi l
lbri
ngy ougr eathear
tachesbytheirdi
sregardanddi srespectforit.But
l
iket hatcouple,t
akeast ept
odaytofi
llupt hi
scov enantcrackiny ourunion.

CHAP.10:
GETSTARTED

Familysuccessi
sar eal
i
ty,andmuchmor e,
iti
sapossibil
i
tyforyou!Youmay
havecomet oapointinyourrel
ati
onshi
pwhereyouthi
nkallhopeislost
.Butf
ar
fr
om it!Godcangiv
ey outhesecondchanceyoudesi
re;HeistheGodofa
secondchance.

Lookingatscr i
ptures,iti
spossibletothinkthatt
hef amilyunithasnochanceof
survi
val,especi
allyifyouconsiderthestoryofAdam andEv e.Butyoudiscoveri
n
theNewTest amentt hatGodhasnotgi venupont hefami l
y.Ibeli
evethatwas
whythev er
yfir
stmi racleJesusperformeddur i
ngHi searthl
ymi ni
str
ywasnott o
openblindey esorheal t
hesick,buttotakeawayr eproachandt obri
ng
rest
orati
ont othef amily(Jn.2:
1-11)
.

Byturningwaterintowi
ne,Jesusdemonstr
atedthatHeisi
nter
estedi
nturni
ng
tast
elessmarriagesorfamil
iesi
ntosweetones;or
dinar
yhomesintomir
aculous
ones;andcolourlessf
amili
esint
ocolour
fulones.

Butyoumusttakethef i
rststep.Youmustdowhatt hatbri
degroom did:
inv
ite
Jesusi
ntoyourunion.MakeHi mtheGov er
noroft hefeast
!Alongtimeago, a
popul
arpl
aqueappear edinmosthomesi nNi ger
ia,i
tread:"
Christi
stheHeadof
thi
shome;thesil
entListenertoeveryconversati
on;theunseenGuestatevery
meal.
"

Thesewor dsrevealt
hesourceoffai
lureformanyf amil
ies.Chri
stremai
nedthe
si
lentListenerandunseenGuest.Hei snevergivenasayi ntheaff
air
softhei
r
homes, neitheri
sHispresenceacknowledged.Hei str
eat edasanunwanted
guest,andnoonel i
kestosti
ckaroundinapl acewheret heyarenotwant
ed.God
wil
lnev erimposeHi msel
fonanyone.Hesai d:

"Behold,Istandatt
hedoor
,andknock:i
fanymanhearmyvoi
ce,
andopent
he
door,Iwillcomeintohi
m,andwil
lsupwithhi
m,andhewi
thme"
(Rev.3:20).

Hest
andsatt
hedoor
.Hedoesnotl
etHi
msel
finev
ent "
hough,wi
thGodnot
hing
shal
lbei
mpossi
ble"(
Lk.
1:37)
.Heal
way
swai
tst
obei
nvi
tedi
n.

Thestarti
ngpointforsuccessinyourfamil
yisinvi
ti
ngJesusintoyourhome.To
enjoyHispresenceinyourfamil
y,youmustaskf ori
tbecauseitisonl
ythosethat
askthatareentit
ledtorecei
ve(Matthew7:7).Iur
geyoutomakeJesusLor dof
yourhome, andHewi ll
manifestHisglor
ythere.

Thi
sinv
itat
ionbegi
nswithasi
mpl
eprayersai
dwit
hfai
thi
nyourhear
t.I
fyou
woul
dli
ketodot hat
,pl
easepr
ayt
hispr
ayeroutl
oud:

"DearLordJesusChrist
,Iproclaim YoutodayasmyLor dandmySav iour.
Forgi
vememysi ns;washmewi t
hYourblood.Ibeli
eveYoudiedforme, andon
thethi
rdday ,
Youroseagain,thatImi ghtbejust
if
ied.Ri
ghtnow,Ibel
i
ev eIam
forgi
ven,Iam j
usti
fi
ed,Iam sav ed,Iam bor
nagain,Iam achil
dofGod.Thank
YouLor d,f
orsavi
ngme.Amen! "

Congrat
ulat
ions!Youarenowbor nagainandhavebecomeachil
dofGod,with
al
ltheatt
endantblessi
ngstheBiblet
alksabout
.Readthi
stest
imony,
andthen
pr
aythisnextprayerwi
thme, asyouinvi
teHimtobecometheLordofyourhome.

"Somebodyhadof fendedmeandIhadi nturnvowednevertof

orgivehim.Butas
IattendedtheConv enti
onandheardthedevastat
ingef
fectunf
orgivenesscoul
d
havei nmyl i
fe,Ir
epentedofi
tandwill
ingl
ylethim(whohadhurtmego) .
My steri
ousl
y, adi
seaseIhadcarri
edaboutinmybodyf orsomey ears
disappeared,andIwast ot
all
yheal
ed.
"
-F.Eliezer

"DearLordJesusChri
st,hav
ingprocl
aimedYouasmyLor dandmySav i
our,I
nowi nv
iteYoutobetheLordofmyf amil
y.Ii
nvi
teYoutotakeabsol
utecharge
overtheaffai
rsoft
hisfamil
y,andIgi
veYouprai
seforYourconti
nuouspresence
i
nt hi
shome.ThankYouLor d,Amen."

Iseemi
racl
esemergi
nginyourhomefrom r
ightnow,inJesusname!Ev
ery
hedget
hathadbeenbr
okendownisrestor
edrightnow!

Familysuccessisy
ourporti
on!I
nwhateverar
eayouhaveweptandsorr
owedin
yourfamil
y,IseeGodtur
ny ourmourni
ngint
odanci
ngagai
n!Nomat t
erwhatyou
aregoingthroughi
nyourfamil
yri
ghtnow,Godisst
eppi
ngin,andHewil
ltur
n
yourcapti
vit
y!

Anot herthi
ngtogetst art
edwi thi
sobediencet
oev eryi
nstr
uctionyouhav e
receivedinthecourseofr eadingthi
sbook.Unt
ilknowledgegraduatesinto
actionitismereinformation.Theknowledgeofscri
pturesi
smer einformation;
it
i
st hepr act
iceofitthatdeli
versit
sbenefi
tstoyou.Knowledgeshouldpr ovoke
under st
anding,andunderstandingacti
on.God'
swor dinJames1: 22-25says:
"Butbeyedoersofthewor d,
andnothear ersonly,deceivi
ngy ourownselves.
Forifanybeaheareroft hewor d,
andnotadoer ,heislikeuntoamanbehol di
ng
hisnatur
alf
acei nagl
ass:
Forhebeholdethhi
mself, andgoethhisway ,andstraightwayforgett
ethwhat
mannerofmanhewas.
Butwhosolookethint
ot heper f
ectlawofliberty
,andcont inuethther
ein,
hebeing
notaf or
get
fulhear
er,butadoeroft hework,thi
smanshal lbeblessedinhis
deed."

Unti
lyoutakestepsinthelightofGod' sword,youareonlydeceivi
ngyoursel
f.
TheWor dworksonlyforpractit
ioners.Foryourobediencetoproducerewards,it
mustbewi l
li
ngandexci t
edobedi ence.Willi
ngnessi
sacondi t
ionGodhassetf or
anyt
hingthatwil
lproduceresults.God'swor dsaysi
nI sai
ah1:19,"
Ifyebewi l
li
ng
andobedient,
yeshalleatthegoodoft heland.
"

Ther
eisgoodinyourmar
ri
age,butitwi
l
ltakewi
ll
i
ngobedi
encet
oeatit
.Anyst
ep
yout
akeinobedi
encetoGod'
swor dwil
lal
waysguar
ant
eeareward.

OneSisterSarahT.sharedthisveryamazingtestimony,toshowthatobedience
toGod'swor dhasrewards.Herhusband, whowasnotbor nagai
n,test
edpositi
ve
toHIV.Consistent
ly,t
hemanwoul dchall
engeherf ai
th,
ashedemanded
submissiontohiminhermar it
alresponsi
bil
it
ies.Eachtimeshesuccumbedt o
him,shewoul dremindtheLordthatshewasact inginobediencetoHiswor don
submission.Themanev entuall
ydiedofAIDS.Tot hegloryofGod,thi
ssist
er
wentfortestandwasf oundtobeHI Vnegat i
ve.

Wheny oustepoutinfait
handchoosetoobeyGod,i
nspi
teofall
odds,Godwi
ll
alway
sr i
seupt odefendyou.Sodon'
tbeaf
rai
dtotakeanystepinl
i
newithwhat
youhavelearnti
nthi
sbook.Godi sdet
ermi
nedtobackyouupandgiveyoua
bri
ghttest
imony.

Thi
sisy
ourdayf
orf
ami
l
ysuccess.Bebl
essed!