A.M.D.

G
Brayan Perez
Dr. Tarnoff
CTW1 Lecture
November 20, 2019
Synthesis Essay

During my senior year of high school, I remember a time where I came into conflict with

my identity. I decided to go to another high school for winter break in order to attend a coding

class my school did not offer. I went with a friend from my school and we were excited to start

learning, however everyone treated us differently during our stay there. Students would slur

discriminatory names towards my friend and me. We didn’t feel very comfortable in an

environment of White students naming and harassing us, but we decided to stay and learn about

coding/graphic design. Our first day went fast and we finished all the modules, leaving room for

a competition between students. I noticed we were at a great disadvantage since we didn’t

receive any help from staff and we were grouped with students like my friend and I, who had

zero to no coding experience since our schools didn’t provide these classes. Despite all the odds,

we decided to fight the discrimination and mistreatment we were given during our stay at the

new high school. We decided to work on creating a game to display to the judges. We worked

two full days on the game and ended up getting first place. This event led me to question who I

really was, was I a Hispanic boy, an American boy, or both? To others around me, I could be one

or the other, like the students who saw me as a “Mexican” or “illegal”, or my mother who saw

me as a “gringito”, however what did I believe my identity was? I believe education played a

central role in my development and realization of my identity. Some factors I attained from my

education can be seen or exemplified through the texts or works like “How to Tame a Wild

Tongue” by Gloria Anzaldúa, Precious Knowledge, and Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson.
 My middle and elementary school years were drastically different from my high school years

due to the environment I was exposed to. I was more comfortable and open during this time of

the school year because I was surrounded by a multitude of Hispanics and children who

understood and went through my experiences. I would regularly speak Spanish and even speak it

during class. However, during my high school years, I decided to attend a private school that was

majority White and Black. I was not comfortable in speaking Spanish and was given the “we

speak English in America” phrase. Unlike Anzaldúa, I had a great start to understanding and

expressing my Hispanic culture, but I wasn’t exposed to the other side, the American side. In

“How to Tame a Wild Tongue”, Anzaldúa speaks on the restraint the education system puts on

her when it came to express her Hispanic or Chicana side, including language, culture, history,

and writing. I would say I felt the same during my freshman year of high school, I was new and

didn’t really have the confidence to go against the “standards” or rules the traditional American

high school set to restraint the celebration of different Hispanic cultures (there weren’t many

Hispanics either so we didn’t really have a voice). I was confused on whether to call myself a

Hispanic if I couldn’t proudly say it. Anzaldúa in her work feels something similar. She says, “I

cannot take pride in myself. Until I can accept as legitimate Chicano Texas Spanish, Tex-Mex,

and all other languages I speak, I cannot accept the legitimacy of myself” (Anzaldúa 30).

Anzaldúa had to fight in order to understand her identity, and when she found it, she was

threatened by many, especially the education system which wanted her to hide and forget her

identity. This made it hard for her, especially at a young age, to understand if she truly was a

Chicana. Anzaldúa didn’t have the power to express both sides of her identity, and I felt the

same. I was different from my parents and other Latin Americans, but I was also different from

my American born friends, and my only question was how do I figure out where I stand? I
couldn't rely solely on my education if they didn’t allow me to speak or even read any Spanish

literature like Anzaldúa who “tried to supplement the required texts with works by Chicanos,

only to be reprimanded and forbidden to do so by the principal” (Anzaldúa 40). However, things

started to change at the beginning of my sophomore year.

My high school decided to add its first Spanish class available to Spanish speaking

students. I was introduced to an all-Spanish speaking class during my second year of high

school, which was a place for me and my classmates to speak, read, and learn about our Spanish

culture. I was surprised to see how little I knew about not only my Spanish skills, but also my

Honduran and Colombian heritage. I truly loved this class and I learned about events that

influenced me in different classes, especially English literature. My sophomore year started with

a very basic yet informative introduction to Spanish writing and speaking which I felt was

unnecessary at the time (I was completely wrong). My junior year consisted of a Spanish class

that focused on the history of Spanish speaking countries and current events happening in Latin

America. Finally, my senior year I read and wrote Spanish literature including poems,

autobiographies, documentaries, and so much more. Thanks to the Spanish classes, I enjoyed

going to school and was always excited to start this specific class. Similarly, students in Precious

Knowledge had the same feeling over their Spanish heritage classes in the Arizona high schools.

The film spoke about Arizona Hispanic teens who were introduced to Spanish heritage classes

and how this influenced and encouraged them to stay in school and put as much effort as they

could. Students had to fight against their local government and education system in order to keep

such classes since they were “unethical” and “discriminatory” towards English culture/literature

and America. These Spanish classes for me were not only helpful and encouraging to enjoy

school, they also helped me figure out my identity. I loved this class because I was confident
enough to speak in Spanish, English, or even “Spanglish”. I was happy to talk about my personal

experience with not only my family but with my non-Hispanic friends and used this class as a

catalyst towards my confidence in representing Hispanic people like myself. We as a

community, fought for more representation in our school and decided to create the Hispanic

Heritage Community which focused on implementing more events to celebrate our parent’s

origin and our heritage. Like the students in Precious Knowledge, we fought for our voices to be

heard, and we made sure to leave this community for the next generation of Hispanic students to

be able to find their identity and feel comfortable in representing it. However, even with

representation and implementing events to help facilitate Hispanic heritage, I still felt like I was

missing something that defined me, but I didn’t know how to find it or what it was.

Education played a significant role in helping me figure out my identity, however I wouldn’t

say it was the only reason. Finding your identity or your true self can be very difficult. Some

people spend most of their lives figuring their identity, so it was very hard to just rely on my

education to find a true representation of myself. School would show me famous Spanish artists

and poets, however none of them spoke to me personally. Being the only Honduran and

Colombian in my Spanish class, it was hard to look up to or talk to another classmate about

influential Honduran/Colombian people. My friends would joke about Pablo Escobar being a

great influence, but it wasn’t the same as Pablo Neruda, Frida Kahlo, or even Marco Antonio. In

order to find my identity and see how I should describe myself, I needed to investigate things

that were outside of what my school gave me. I decided to investigate influential Columbian and

Honduran people, people who weren’t in newspapers but contributed so much to their countries.

I noticed that all the people I researched weren’t given the special, luxurious lifestyles at a young

age and were often at a disadvantage. They had to go and find their inspiration by learning and
exploring things around their society and environment. This influenced me to join programs that

I wouldn't think of doing due to my financial status or my lack of knowledge. I decided to work

on graphic designing, architecture, and drawing to see if any of this caught my attention. I later

grew an interest in engineering from influence of architectural design. Since my high school

didn’t offer these classes, I had to go to other schools, even if they were far from anything I

would usually think about.

Bryan Stevenson in his book Just Mercy, talks about how many of his clients didn’t have

the opportunity or chance to have an education due to the lives they were stuck with. For

example, one of Stevenson’s clients named Charlie had a very rough childhood due to the abuse

his mother endured from her boyfriend. Charlie couldn’t have an education due to the lifestyle he

was stuck in, instead, Charlie was sent to jail for defending his mother from her boyfriend. I

wouldn’t say I have had similar experiences, but due to my financial status, I didn’t have access

to some resources that other students did, putting me at a disadvantage. Many things influenced

me to keep me from leaving my education, but like Charlie, my mother was a big reason for me

to take action, so I decided to take the initiative and find programs that could help me figure out

what I wanted to do, and how my culture could help within that field. I had an inspiration and

supporter in my life which encouraged me to push through many barriers set on me, like Charlie

who gained supporters and decided to fight through all the pain he endured. After doing such

programs I decided that I wanted to do engineering, since I like creating things and envisioning

devices that could help my community, however I knew it would be a challenge. From what

teachers, students, and adults told me, engineering would be a hard profession especially for a

Hispanic, however to me, that only made me more fascinated about this career path. Although I

may not have had the education to go to Harvard like Stevenson, or had coding and engineering
classes at my high school like other students, I knew I would apply myself in order to fight the

stigma of minorities in the STEM field and would have to do more work compared to others in

order to accomplish this.

Like Stevenson, I don't believe a good education is what someone needs in order to

completely find themselves. Stevenson knew that Harvard didn’t have the answers to figuring

out his true compassion, however it was a good start to figuring out his true ambition. Stevenson

went out of his way and decided to intern at the Southern Prisoners Defense Committee where he

found his true passion, representing those in the death penalty, especially minorities. I saw

myself as an American with a Hispanic background in culture, however today I would

confidently say I am Hispanic as much as I am American. Just like Stevenson, I decided to apply

myself onto society to see how my identity could help others, and being bilingual not only opens

so many opportunities, it also opens so many chances to help others. Since I spoke and wrote

Spanish and English fluently, I would help Spanish speakers by volunteering to be a translator. I

would help organizations with peaceful protests against ICE and support for DACA. But most

importantly, I would volunteer to help Hispanics in an organization called the Esperanza Center

which focused on helping Latinos, Hispanics, and undocumented citizens on anything from

tutoring to healthcare application help.

During my last years of high school, not only did I find myself through education Cristo

Rey allowed once they implemented Spanish classes, but I also found my ambition to help

people like me, especially undocumented Hispanics in America through programs and

organizations far and close to my community. Precious Knowledge, Just Mercy, and “How to

Tame a Wild Tongue” are great inspirations and examples of my trouble finding my identity in

America, however, I can confidently say that every experience is different for everyone, but
education is a great introduction to challenge and develop a mind that can understand more than

one culture that could develop an identity such as mine.

Sources

Anzaldúa, Gloria E. How to Tame a Wild Tongue.

Precious Knowledge. Dir. Ari Palos, Eren Isabel McGinnis. Dos Vatos, 2011. Kanopy. Web. 2 Dec. 2019.

Stevenson, Bryan. JUST MERCY A Story of Justice and Redemption. Spiegel & Grau, 2015.