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Concious Parenting: An Art of

Parenting

Article (PDF Available) · April 2016 with 6,367 Reads 

Cite this publication

Hemlata Chand
4.48 · Dayalbagh Educational Institute

Ritu Singh
13.78 · G. B. Pant University of Agricul…

Abstract

Parenting is the art of nurturing children, it is basically

a process which encompasses planning for
parenthood, acquiring knowledge and skills of
parenting, and adjustment of resources to meet the
needs of children. Today, due to globalisation and
modernization the Indian society is in transition, so do
the Indian family system. Modern parents have to
maintain balance between their children and
changing family system. Breaking down of traditional
family system had extricated the valuable guidance of
elderly therefore young parents have to carefully
select the parenting practices on their own. To
become a conscious parent in today’s rapidly
changing world, parents need to be very vigilant
about various factors like environment, age specific
needs of children, behaviour management
techniques and available family support services etc.

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Parenting Styles and their Effect on Children

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PANTNAGAR - 263 145, U.S. NAGAR (UTTARAKHAND)
April, 2016 1

Conscious Parenting : An Art of Parenting

Hemlata Chand1 and Ritu Singh2

Parenting is the art of nurturing children, it is basically a process which encompasses

pl a nni ng for pa rent hoo d, acqu irin g know l edge an d ski l ls of pa r ent i ng, an d
adjustment of resources to meet the needs of children. Today, due to globalisation
and modernization the Indian society is in transition, so do the Indian family system.
Moder n parents have to maintain balance betw een their c hildren and changing
fami ly syst em. Brea king down of tra ditional family system had extr icated the
valuable guidance of elderly therefore young parents have to carefully select the
parenting practices on their own. To become a conscious parent in today’s rapidly
ch ang ing wo rld , par e nts need to be very vig ila nt ab out various factors li ke
environment, age specific needs of children, behaviour management techniques
and available family support services etc.

‘M ata-Pita, Guru Devta’afamous is“theprocessorthestateofbeinga patternsacrosstheglobeaswellina

 qu ote fr om a ncient In dian
literaturesignifiesthatparentshave
parent”.Scientificallyparentingisthe sin gle fam ily. The paren ting style/
science or art of nurturing one ’so ff patternsadoptedbyeveryindividualis
hi g her p l ace t hen G o d in  springs.
a n Morr ison (197 8) de fines highly influenced by the factor s like
individual’slife.Acautiouslookatthe parentingas”theprocessofdeveloping stru cture of family, interpersonal
sacrificesmadebyeveryparenttofulfil andutilisingtheknowledgeandskills relation ship between spo uses, l ife
th e  resp onsib ili t y of  pare n ting appropriatetoplanningfor,creating, styleoffamily,availabilityofresources,
appropr iately justifies why anc ient givingbirthto,rearingorprovidingcare ageandeducationofparentsandthe
scholarsplacedparentshigherthan foroffspring”. existing paren ting practic es in their
God.Bringinganewlifeintothisworld, Fundamentallytheprocessof immediateenvironment.Anothermajor
takingcareofitsneeds,comfortsand parentingstartswhenacoupledecides deter minant of  parentin g is reas on
secu rity at the cost of their own tohaveachild.Itencompassesallthe behind ha ving/planning a c hild, the
comfort,needs,wantsandresources ph ysic al, mon itor y, soc ial a n drangevariesfromcouples’ownmature
isaverychallengingjob.Parentingis psychologicalchangesinone’slifethat decision to pare nts wish or societal
aneverendingjob,sincethemoment are som ehow linked to planning or pressure or som etimes com pletely
achildisborn,parentsalwayshaveto rearingofchild.Parentsforeseetheir unwanted pregnancies.  Parents are
beattheirheelstofulfilneedsoftheir ownfutureintheirchildren,theywant saidtobeagoodonlyafterseeinghow
chi ld as  chil d gro ws ro les a n d their child to h ave everything a nd welltheyhavebroughtuptheirchildren
responsibilityofparentsalsochanges. becomewhattheyhaveeverdreamed in t erms  of go od socia l image b y
Itistruethatparentsalsore-enters for themselves. They provide best obeyin g social rules, establishing
intoeverystageofhumanlifecycle fac ilities a nd environment to their posi tive ide ntity in th eir res pectiv e
withtheirchildrenandplaysamajor child ren a nd spend m ost o f their fieldsaccordingtotheirageandgood
rol e in t heir  childre n’s s ucce ssful resourcestogivebestqualityoflife relationshipwithotherfamilymembers
transitionfromonestagetoanother. for  childr en.Though parenting  is a andfriends.
Whiledoingsoparentshavetoactas bu n dle o f  joy wit h  bag g age  o f
asocializingagents,teacher,guide, responsibilityfor every coupl e each Parenting in Indian Family System
friend and r ole model. All the roles individualhasuniqueexperiencewhile A t ypic al In dian  f a m ily is
playedbyparentsandcompromises parentingitschildren.Variouscross- considered incomplete unless the
made by parents com es under a n cul ture and monoculture  resea rch mar r ied c o uple  hav e chil dren .
um brella t erm cal led “Paren ting”. evidencesapprovesthefactthatlots ParentingintraditionalIndianfamily
AccordingtoBrooks(1987)parenting of divers ity exists in th e parenting systemdoesnotonlyincludechildren
1
ResearchScholar,Deptt.ofHomeScience,DayalbaghEducationalInstitute(DeemedUniversity),Agra(UP);2AssistantProfessor,Deptt.of
HumanDevelopment&FamilyStudies,CollegeofHomeScience,G.B.PantUniversityofAgriculture&Technology,Pantnagar(Uttarakhand)

42 Indian Farmers' Digest

and parents but the entire family. parent,wewilllearnitthedayweheld isparents’failuretoprovidehealthy

Grandparents,uncles,auntstoelder ou r  baby in o ur han ds”.  T h is environmenttochildrenwhichcauses
siblingsandcousins,automaticallyget phenomenonwassuitableintraditional behaviouralissuesandlowself-esteem
involvedinthisprocess.Theyounger fam ily system  because the elderly amongchildren.Steinbergstatedthat
ones alw ays rem ained under the alwaysguidenewparentsaboutwhat “being a succ essful pa rent  help s
protectionofparentsandsiblingsin andwhatnottodo.Butthemodern developqualitiesinchildrensuchas
ho me as w ell a s  in sc hool  and Indian fam ily cannot withstand with honesty, empathy, self-c ontrol, self-
playgrounds. Fam ily va lues  were suchoutdatedmind-set.Becauseof relianc e, coopera tion, chee rfulness
transmittedtochildrenwiththehelp neitherfullytraditionalnorcompletely andkindness,andinstilsinthemthe
ofbedtimestoriesaboutfamilyhistory modernstatethe“realIndianfamily” mo tivation to ach ieve ”.The ent ire
andfamilylegacybygrandparents.The islosingitsbeauty. processofchildren’supbringingunites
eldest male m ember of fam ily was expressionoflove,warmth,discipline,
cons idered as  authori ty figure  and Placement of Figure 1 effectivecommunicationandbehaviour
di s c ipl ine w as the  m o s t va l ued AccordingtoDianaBaumrind managementwhichfacilitateschildren
compo nent o f childr earin g. But in (1966, 1967, 1971, 1978, 1991), to  beco me re spo nsi ble , mora lly
presenterabreakingdownoftraditional de m a ndin sougnes
nd, c o nfid s e nt, c, o nsid  e rate ,war m t h,
familysystemwiththeemergenceof re spo nsive ness and c ontrol an d competentandversatileadults.
modernfamilysystemhaschanged strictnessarethemaindeterminantof
theentirescenarioofparenting.The parentingstyle.Onthebasisofthese Guidelines for Good parenting
modernfamilyisidentifiedinvarious de t ermin a nts p a rent ing c a n be 1. Set go o d st andar ds for
formslikenuclear,duelearner,single classifiedasPermissive,Authoritarian, behaviour: Chi ldren  are v ery
parent, coha bitation, gay or lesbian Au t hori tati ve, a nd Un i nvo l ved. inquisiti ve and s ensit ive fo r ever y
families.Itisnoteworthytomention Universallyauthoritativeparentingis stimuli,theyobserveandabsorbfrom
that at thi s junctur e of tim e Indian considered t he best parenting st yle everyincidenthappensaroundthem.
familysystemisneitherfullymodern becausechildrenrearedinauthoritative Mo s t impo r tan t ly c hild r en a r e
norentirelytraditional,itissomewhere styletendtohavepleasantpersonality, genetically designed to im print their
in  m i ddle . Fam i l ies  i n  dif f e renthighself-esteemandtheirrelationship parents.Fromveryyoungagechildren
tran sition al stages can b e easily withparentsandotherfamilymembers observe how their parents reacts to
identi fied in every locality. When it is  very healthy. In tod ays’ wo rld certainsituationandinmostofcases
comestochildrearing,breakingties parentingiscalledgoodwhenparents theyfollowsfootprintsoftheirparents
withtraditionalsetupwithoutadequate provideastable,healthyandnurturing withoutevenbotheringwhetheritis
knowledge and experience is taking home envir onment t o children and right or wrong. C hildren f orm the ir
parentsroundandroundincirclewithout apply behaviour management consciencesonthebasisoflikesor
providinganydirectionresultingfutile techniques in the most approp riate dislikes of p arents. Therefore e very
parenting.Injointfamiliesnewparents manner.Contrarytothisbadparenting parentneedsbeverycautiousabout
stillgethelpofelderlybutthebiggest
challengeinfrontofmodernfamilyisto
ru m mage aro und  f or pa rentin g
approachsuitableforpresenteraofrapid
changeandcompetition.
Tho u gh In dian  c u ltu r e is
renowned for its family system and
valuesaroundtheworldbutatthedark
side  the attit ude of Indian p arents
to wards  paren ting  and p a rent
ed ucati on is ve ry casual. I ndian
parentsalwaysjustifiestheirparenting
skillwiththeirownsocialreputation
andsuccessincareer,eventhehighly
qualifiedpeoplealsodeniestheneed
ofparenteducationquotingthat“No Sour ce:Baumrind (196 6, 196 7, 1971, 1978, 1991)
onecanteachushowtobecomea Fig 1: Parenting Styles and their Effect on Children

April, 2016 43

whattheyarewateringtheirchildwith decisionmakingcalibre.Parentsmust paren ts. Parents  need to est ablish

becausethetenderbrainofchildislike
wet cem ent which is  impossib le to
reshapeoncefixed.
2. Adapt parentingthat fits with child:
Everychildisuniquesodotheparenting
ofeverychild.Parentsneedtobevery
vigilantandbroadentheirperspective
when it comes to understand  the
beh aviou r of thei r chil dren.  Every
deviationinbehaviourshouldbetaken
correctedattheveryearlystage.The
mainobjectiveofparentsmustbebeing
committedtothedevelopmentalwell-
beinga nd overall s ucces s of their
children.Everyparentneedstoequip
withskillstofitinandunderstandthe
child’s perspective and play multiple
roles  like guid e, cr itic al an alyse r,
motivator,friendetc.
3. Establish rules smartly and be
firm with it/Well defined rules with
firm consequences:Parentsshould
se tre asonable e xpe cta tio ns a nd
boundariesforchildrenregardingtheir
behaviour.Whileformingrulesparents
needstobecautiousenoughtonot
throwbabyoutwiththebathwater.The
clearcutinstructionsenwrappedwith
dos and don’t s must be given  to
children.Theconsequencesofevery
wrong act must b e made clear and
parents  mus t be very firm whi le
following them. Flexi bilityis another
main compone nt while determining
boundariesforchildren.Parentsshould
beopentonewideasandtheymust
beabletoaccommodatethemselves
asperthedemandoftime.Stickingto
whatitwasinourtimesissomething
outofartintoday’sscenario.Alongwith
theseparentsshouldletthechildren
learnfromtheirownexperiencestoo.
Parentmustinterveneintheprocess
of learning only when its necessary
otherwise closer sup ervision and
motivationisenoughforchildrentokeep
theirself-esteemhigh.
4. Treat child with respect: Every
feedbac k a ch ild gets  on its own
decisionsoropinionsisveryimperative
for the development faithon its own
makethechildpracticeproblemsolving suchrelationshipinearlyyearwhere
skillsintheformofvariousgamesand child feel safe to  express its e very
real life situati on. F or eve ry rig ht emotion in front of parent.  Healthy
decision ch ild must be praised an d communicationwithparentsishelpful
everywrongdecisionmustbecorrected in com bating various ps ychological
withpositivecriticism.Givenpositive issues having po tential to entrap
reinforcementchildrenstartbelieving ch ildren  especiall y teen age rs in
theyaregoodatparticularskill. soc ial,  emoti ona l or  somet imes
5. Do no t set very hig h legalproblems.
expectations: E very child is g ifted 8. Loo k fo r guidan ce &
withuniqueskillsandpaceoflearning. counselling: In western soc ieties
Thereforeparentsshouldnotpushthe gu idanc e and c ouns e lli ng are
childveryhardforhighachievement. obligatorypartsofparentingbutinour
Inpresentcircumstancesexcellence soc i ety is yet t o ado p t pa r ent
in any sk ills whet her academ ics, educationasascience.Peopleeven
spor ts, art s, singing,  dancing  etc., theeducatedonesalsoprefertogoto
automatically opens the a venues of priestratherthangoingtoacounsellor
suc cess f or ind ividual s. Th erefo re forbehaviourrelatedproblemofafamily
interestofchildrenshouldbehonoured member.Theyarehighlyscaredwith
andlettingthechildtoperuseinthe themyththatiftheyapproachtosome
areaofitsinterestiswaybetterthan counsellororpsychiatristthatmeans
forcingthechildtoperformgoodinthe their c hild is suffering from  some
areasofparents’liking. ailm ent whic h cannot be cu red by
6. Positive punishment is much medicines a nd something is terr ibly
better than negative one:Shaping wrong with child.  Parent s need t o
achild’sbehaviourisaverydifficultbut br oade n their p ersp ecti ves  with
significanttaskofparenting.Nodoubt changingtimesandacceptguidance
parentshavetousepunishmentfor andcounsellingasaapproachtofamily
controllingrebellionbehaviourbecause supportsystem.
nochildisobedientenoughtonever
com m i t any mista k e or c a useConclusion
mischie f. Earlier, parents follow the Parentingisagoldenthreadthat
philosophyof“sparetherodandspoil keepsafamilyintactandhappy.The
thechild”andeverymistakeofchild personalityofachilddefinesthekind
was corrected with punishment. But of paren ting he/she got espec ially
now-a-daysnegativepunishmentisnot wh en it comes  to m ora l valu es.
averygoodoptionforcorrectingchildren Parentsarethefirstteacher,friendand
becauseitdrivesthechildapartfrom mentorofachild.Presentlytheentire
parent.Parentsneedtobealertenough familysystemofIndiaisgoingthrough
toreplaceelementscausingdistress th e  phas e of tr a nsit i on du e to
withsomepositiveelements. moder nisatio n and g lobalis ation .
7. Expression of love & warmth: Mo d ern p a rent ing d em ands
Everyhumanbeinglikestobeloved maintainingbalancebetweenancient
andgivenimportance.Beinglovedby believes and tren ding perspectives,
parentsmakechildrenfeelimportant awarenessregardingrepercussionsof
andwantedbyparentswhichultimately variousactionsonchildrenandcareful
motivatethemtobecomeresponsible applicationofdisciplinarytechniques
towardstheirparents.Childrenlookat enwrappedwithloveandwarmth.
theirparentsforalmosteverythingand For more information contact
parents’tolerancelevelandattitude Mob. No. 08979683153 & Email ID:
determinesthedegreeofrelianceon hemlatachand@yahoo.co.in

44 Indian Farmers' Digest

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