Montejo 1

Darnell Montejo

Professor Batty

English 102

12 December 2019

Drama Essay Reflection

When revising this essay, I payed close attention to the feedback I got from Professor

Batty and made a checklist to fix my essay and improving it for the better. Before even

attempting to improve the actual content of the essay itself I fixed a lot of the capitalization

issues, run-ons and comma splices I had. I capitalized all the LGBTQ’s that were lower cased

and the AIDS that were lower cased before. I also got rid of all my run-on sentences and the

multiple comma splices in the body paragraphs. I also fixed my in-text citations one of the

citations didn’t have a page number because it was just one page, so I put (Knabe, 1). Then, I

actually dove deep into the actual content of the essay and started editing and revising all the

mistakes I made the first time around. So, starting with the introduction my Thesis wasn’t really

clear and didn’t really answer the “so what?”. I changed my thesis to “Most people would

undermine the apparent stigma around AIDS and gay men with AIDS and it is often overlooked

or not even discussed but this play did the exact opposite it highlighted that specific issue. I will

argue how this play did perpetuate stigma around AIDS and gay men with AIDS.” With this new

thesis I clearly answer the “so what?” and clearly answer what my stance on the situation is. I

also connected my body paragraph and Ideas to my thesis more. I was very vague in the fourth

paragraph when discussing Roy’s character and why denies his Aids diagnosis so I made it very

clear that the reason was because the stigma around AIDS was also connected to the stigma

around homosexuality so that’s why. Another big thing I did and added was another quote from
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Knabes’ article to reinforce the point I am trying to put across in the third paragraph. I hope this

helped you notice all the changes I did to improve my essay.