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Brooklyn Nine-Nine 1x04 - M.E. Time PDF
Brooklyn Nine-Nine 1x04 - M.E. Time PDF
M.E. Time
#01006
Written by
Gil Ozeri
Directed by
Troy Miller
CAST LIST
DET. JAKE PERALTA ……………………………………………………… Andy Samberg
CPT. RAY HOLT …………………………………………………………… Andre Braugher
SET LIST
INTERIORS EXTERIORS
99th Precinct
- Briefing Room
- Holt’s Office
- Bullpen
- Break Room
- Hallway
- Interrogation Room
Restaurant
Patterson’s Apartment
Car
Cop Bar
BROOKLYN NINE-NINE
Ep.106 “M.E. Time”
DAY BREAKDOWN
NIGHT ONE
Scene 1, 3
DAY TWO
NIGHT TWO
DAY THREE
NIGHT THREE
Scene 43, 44
FLASHBACKS
COLD OPEN
AMY
I’m so glad we could finally do this.
GABE
I know, Kylie says you’re always stuck at
the precinct.
AMY
Speaking of. This is work right now.
Sorry --
(answering)
What’s up, Peralta?
JAKE
Captain just called. He wants everybody
back here. We got a lead on the
Nightingale Strangler. He’s in Brooklyn.
AMY
...Oh. Okay.
AMY
(annoyed)
Okay. Where are you?
JAKE
Apparently, he has the world’s smallest
penis and he doesn’t know how to use it --
(then instantly, to Gabe)
Hi there, Jake Peralta, I’m Amy’s boss.
AMY
That’s not true. What are you doing
here?
JAKE
I’m just here with my date --
(looks around)
-- who is now leaving. Worth it. Okay,
have a great night!
Jake leaves.
GABE
Your boss seems really nice.
AMY
He’s not my boss!
ACT ONE
JAKE
...And by closing a record five felonies
in one week, Peralta pulls ahead. Oh, I
closed five felonies in one week, in case
you hadn’t heard.
AMY
We heard.
JAKE
You did? How?
JAKE
Five felonies in one week! Five felonies
in one week! Light it up Boyle!
Charles drop some Mentos powder into two 2L SODA BOTTLES, and
TWIN GEYSERS of SODA SHOOTS UP.
JAKE
Mmmm. That’s the sugary sweet taste of
triumph.
ROSA
You should shower more.
TERRY
Updates on open cases?
JAKE
Don’t have any, because I closed all
mine. Did you guys hear about my five
felonies in one week?
CHARLES
I just caught a DOA on Bessimer Street.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine “M.E. Time” Pink Revised Pages 9/8/13 4.
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TERRY
You’re the primary -- you’re in charge.
Take Diaz and Peralta.
CHARLES
Yes. My fantasy threesome.
(immediately)
Of cops on a case.
HOLT
Detectives. Our monthly crime statistics
are due. I want all paperwork on your
closed cases by tomorrow. Scully, you
can just write, “I didn’t close any,” on
a piece of paper.
SCULLY
You got it.
AMY
I already got my paperwork in, Captain.
HOLT
(curt)
Then I guess this reminder isn’t for you.
JAKE
Yikes. I think he hates you more than
me.
AMY
No, he doesn’t. We have a good
relationship. We’re on the same page.
HOLT
Something to share with the rest of us,
Santiago?
AMY
No sir. I wasn’t -- Peralta was the one
who was talking!
JAKE
God, you must’ve been the worst fourth
grader ever.
AMY
Joke’s on you -- I skipped fourth grade.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine “M.E. Time” Pink Revised Pages 9/8/13 5.
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HOLT
Santiago!
HOLT (CONT’D)
Anything else? No? Dismissed.
AMY
Hey Boyle, I know you haven’t had Peralta
as a secondary in a while. Be careful:
it can be rough.
JAKE
What?! I’m a great secondary.
AMY
So you were just “borrowing” those cars?
JAKE
(muffled)
Ask about his bank account!
JAKE (CONT’D)
(muffled)
Ask about his bank account! Ask about
his--
The MIRROR BREAKS. Jake stands with his fists still up.
JAKE (CONT’D)
(to Amy, calmly)
-- bank account. You should ask about
his bank account.
(calling off)
Captain! Santiago broke the glass.
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AMY
You can’t give up control. You’re
terrible at following your primary’s
orders. You just do whatever you want.
I could go on and on and on.
JAKE
...is something no lover of yours has
ever said.
(to Charles)
I can be a great secondary, and I’ll
prove it!
CHARLES
I know you will, Jake-in-the-box.
JAKE
Don’t call me that ever again, I’m
driving, we’re leaving now, carry my bag.
(off Amy’s look)
...but you should choose the music,
Primary.
AMY
It’s a great picture, sir.
HOLT
I hate it.
AMY
Me, too. It’s a bad picture of a good
man!
AMY (CONT'D)
So! I have an eyewitness in the purse-
snatcher case. Only problem is the
sketch artist is out sick. How do you
want me to proceed?
Brooklyn Nine-Nine “M.E. Time” Pink Revised Pages 9/8/13 7.
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HOLT
Figure it out, Santiago. It's your case.
AMY
(taken aback)
Yes. I’ll do that. Thank you.
HOLT
Are you bowing?
AMY
No. This is how I walk.
ROSA
What do you want, Quasimodo? I gotta go
meet Boyle and Peralta.
AMY
Is there something wrong with the
captain? Seems like he’s in a bad mood.
ROSA
I don’t know. Who can tell?
ROSA
You okay, Captain? Tough weekend?
HOLT
I went to Barbados with my husband. It
was glorious. We wove hats out of palm
fronds. I’ve never been happier.
ROSA
Guy’s impossible to read. Don’t even
try.
Amy looks out the door and sees Holt on his cellphone.
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HOLT
(into phone, totally deadpan)
That is, without question, the funniest
story I’ve ever heard.
JAKE
Well, I think we have some idea what
killed him. Spoiler alert: it was not
starvation.
JAKE CHARLES *
What do we got? What do we got? *
JAKE (CONT’D)
Sorry, sorry. You’re primary. You’re in
charge.
UNIFORMED OFFICER
Frank Patterson. 38 years old. Married,
no children. Wife found him this morning
and called it in.
CHARLES
Any signs of forced entry or a struggle?
UNIFORMED OFFICER
No.
JAKE
Are you sure? Looks like his belt put up
a struggle against his stomachs.
(then)
Sorry, that was my last fat joke.
CHARLES
Okay, well, let’s take a look --
JAKE
Hold on. Someone close the door -- there
may be a pride of lions on their way here
right now.
(then)
Sorry, that was my last fat joke.
ROSA
What are you thinking, Boyle?
JAKE
I’m calling natural causes.
(pointing at clues)
Heart meds, home defibrillator, and a
“frequent customer” gift basket from the
cardiac wing of Brooklyn Methodist. This
case is open-and-shut. Like his mouth
was, constantly. Sorry, that was my last
fat joke.
(then, more serious)
Diaz, check the bathroom for more meds.
Boyle, see what you can find in the
bedroom. I’ll take the kitchen.
CHARLES
Yep. That’s exactly what I was going to
say to do. It’s like he’s so good at
following my orders, he’s saying them
first. Weird.
AMY
Hey Sergeant, you know how you’re really
good at doodling?
TERRY
I know you think you’re complimenting me,
but calling them doodles is an insult.
You a big fan of Picasso’s doodles?
AMY
Sorry. Can you please draw a perp for
me? The sketch artist is sick and the
captain wants this done right away. He’s
in a bad mood.
TERRY
Is he? I can never read him.
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TERRY
You look chipper, Captain -- you have a
fun weekend?
HOLT
There was a small fire in my house. I
lost many photo albums of treasured
memories. I’m devastated.
AMY
I’m telling you -- he and I have a
connection, and there is something
bothering him. Can you help me out?
AMY (CONT’D)
Ma’am, can you describe the perp to
Sergeant Jeffords, please?
SUE
He had dark, curly hair, a neck tattoo--
TERRY
Wait slow down. Start with the eyes.
Were they desperate? Lonely? Did they
betray heartache?
SUE
Um, they were brown.
TERRY
Do you even want your purse back?
ROSA
So far you’ve managed to tell three fat
jokes and completely bulldoze Charles.
(MORE)
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ROSA (CONT'D)
Is that your idea of being a good
secondary?
JAKE
First of all, I’ve told four. Second,
I’m helping -- I started to catalogue the
refrigerator contents, but it turned out
there wasn’t enough paper on Earth. Five
fat jokes!
JAKE (CONT’D)
Thanks, Arnie.
(to Rosa)
See, Arnie thinks I’m doing great.
ROSA
Jake, for once, just hang back and let
Charles do his job.
JAKE
Arrrgh, fine. I’ll just stand here
motionless like a tree until Charles
gives me an order.
CHARLES
I’m so sorry for your loss, Mrs.
Patterson. Could you tell me what
happened after breakfast that morning?
MRS. PATTERSON
I went out to walk the dog, and when I
came back he was dead. I’m just in
shock. We were going on a cruise
together next week.
(starting to break down)
He had pre-purchased the unlimited soda
package. He loved soda so much.
CHARLES
(tenderly)
I’m sure the industry mourns his passing.
JAKE
Motion, re-activated.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Hi. I’m Detective Jake Peralta.
DR. ROSSI
I’m Dr. Rossi -- the new Medical
Examiner. Don’t let me get in your way,
I’m sure you have a lot to do.
JAKE
Actually, I’ve been told to do nothing.
So:
He leans suavely.
JAKE (CONT’D)
What brings you here?
(immediately)
I’m leaning on a dead guy.
ROSA
Bank records, stuff from his desk, and
(points to large stack)
--grocery lists. That dude loved food.
You want some help?
CHARLES
Nah, I got this. Go home.
ROSA
Thanks, Boyle. Nice of you.
Holt approaches...
HOLT
How’s the Patterson case looking?
CHARLES
Looks like natural causes, but I’ll know
for sure once I get the autopsy results
tomorrow. Jake volunteered to follow up
with the M.E. My man is all over it.
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JAKE
To you, and to the enormous dead fat man
who brought us together.
ROSSI
A surprising number of people die every
year from choking on sips of water.
JAKE
That is surprising. Seems so easy to
swallow. Maybe just for me.
(re: Rossi’s food)
Everything okay?
ROSSI
More than okay. Look at the way the
tendons cling to the bone. The striated
muscle tissue structure is gorgeous.
Total yum.
JAKE
Well, this place is known for their
clinging tendons and striated muscle.
She giggles.
ROSSI
I’m really glad you were able to sneak
away from your case.
JAKE
It’s not technically my case. I got all
the time in the world.
ROSSI
(flirty)
Actually, based on your age, weight, and
skin pallor, I’d say you have thirty
years, tops.
ACT TWO
Amy and Rosa work at their desks. Jake walks in and Charles,
holding some files, approaches.
CHARLES
Hey Jake. First of all: for being such
great secondaries, I got you and Rosa
lemon-infused madelleines, dusted with
Tunisian almonds.
ROSA
I’m allergic to almonds.
CHARLES
(sotto)
That was 22 dollars.
(then)
So, have you heard anything from the
M.E.? She hasn’t sent the autopsy
report.
JAKE
That’s weird. Maybe probably a ton of
other people died and she got busy.
That’s what definitely happened.
CHARLES
Just let me know when she calls.
JAKE
Hey, I need to ask you guys something.
Can you keep a secret?
ROSA
Do you know anything about my life?
JAKE
Good point, no I do not. So... you know
that new Medical Examiner? I kind of had
sex with her last night.
AMY
What?
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JAKE
Sorry -- I forgot who I was talking to.
Sex is this thing that two adults do with
their bodies when they’re attracted to
each other.
ROSA
He’s right, Santiago. Do you not know
that?
AMY
I meant: what were you thinking? She was
supposed to be doing an autopsy for your
primary, Charles.
JAKE
Guy died of natural causes -- it’s not a
big deal. So...back to last night. As
you can imagine, I’m usually up for
anything. But I can’t tell whether this
was weird or sexy...
Jake and Dr. Rossi make out on her couch. She pulls away.
ROSSI
Wait. Close your eyes for a second.
JAKE
Mmm. Okay.
Jake closes his eyes. She takes an ice cube out of her
whiskey, and rubs it on Jake’s lips.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Gahh! What are you doing?!
ROSSI
I like ‘em cold.
ROSA
Not that weird.
JAKE
“Cold.” Like a dead guy.
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AMY
You’re reading into that.
JAKE
Am I?
ROSSI
You have a really nice chest.
JAKE
...Thank you.
ROSSI
I’d love to crack it open. And put my
hands all over your organs. I wonder how
much that appendix weighs. It feels
really inflamed.
JAKE
Yeah it does. Wait. That’s bad, right?
AMY
Ew! Please tell me you ran out of there.
JAKE
No. I can’t explain why, but I sort of
started to get into it...
ROSSI
(sexy)
Oh no. What do we have here?
JAKE
A 34-year-old Caucasian male, who is
dead. Very dead.
ROSSI
Mmmm. Cause of death?
JAKE
Initial assessment: Blunt force trauma.
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ROSSI
What do I find when I probe a little
farther?
JAKE
Bruising on the neck, and there’s ocean
water in the lungs.
ROSSI
Ooooh. The body’s been moved. When did
you die, body?
JAKE
Four days ago.
ROSSI
Too long. Bloating. Odors.
JAKE
...24 hours?
ROSSI
Purrrrfect.
AMY
Stop stop stop! Weird weird weird!
JAKE
Rosa, what’s your call: weird or sexy?
ROSA
Weird.
JAKE
I knew it. But also sexy?
ROSA
No. Weird. But more importantly, that’s
what you were doing while Boyle was
grinding through paperwork?
AMY
Told ya. Worst secondary in the unit.
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JAKE
I can’t win with you guys. I take over
the crime scene, I’m a bad secondary. I
blow off work to have weird sex with a
hot coroner, I’m a bad secondary. What
do you want from me?
Charles reenters.
CHARLES
What are you guys talking about?
JAKE
...uh... weird sex stuff that has nothing
to do with work.
CHARLES
(proud)
I had sex on a futon once. And it was in
couch mode.
AMY
Sarge, all of these are fine. How much
longer are you going to work on this?
TERRY
It’s questions like that that made Van
Gogh cut off his ear. You can’t put a
clock on art.
(off her look)
Ten minutes.
AMY
Great. Let’s catch this guy, so we can
give Holt some good news. I want to
cheer him up.
SCULLY
How do you even know he’s in a bad mood?
It’s impossible to read that guy.
HOLT
(shouting)
-- this the most incompetent, worthless
report I have ever read in my life! Get
your act together, or so help me god, you
will not live to see retirement!
SCULLY
It’s like, “What’s that guy thinking,”
you know? He’s an enigma.
AMY
I can read him, and if anyone can figure
out what’s bothering him, it’s me. He
and I are exactly the same. Except I’m
younger, Cuban, female, single, and
straight.
SCULLY
(scoffs)
Captain Holt’s not gay.
(off their looks)
Captain Holt is gay?!
AMY
Seriously, man -- just retire.
HOLT
Boyle, where’s my paperwork on that DOA?
CHARLES
Still waiting on the autopsy report. It
was supposed to come in first thing this
morning, but so far, nothing.
HOLT
That is unacceptable. !I’ll call the M.E.
and find out what happened.
JAKE
Buh buh buh.
(off Holt’s death stare)
Sorry. First of all, it looks like it
was natural causes.
(MORE)
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JAKE (CONT'D)
Also, I’m the secondary, and it was my
responsibility to get that report, so I’m
gonna go down there and get it myself.
HOLT
Good. But don’t you ever “buh buh buh”
me again.!
JAKE
Okay, but I wasn’t --
HOLT
(deadly serious)
Buh buh buh buh buh. Just go.
JAKE
Yeah, I’m gonna regret introducing you to
that.
He heads out.
CHARLES
Rosa, can I show you something?
ROSA
What’s up?
CHARLES
Patterson’s wife told me they were going
on a cruise together next month, but her
credit card bill only shows one ticket
booked. Either she’s lying, or she
“knew” he was gonna die.
ROSA
Hmm. Nice find, Boyle.
CHARLES
This could be a murder. Where is that
autopsy?
(checks his watch)
Jake went down to the M.E. an hour and a
half ago and I still haven’t heard from
him.
ROSA
Jake went to get the autopsy results?
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CHARLES
I know, isn’t he the best? He’s really
coming into his own as a secondary. I
want to get him another thank-you present
-- does he come across as a “pinot” guy
to you, or is he more of a shiraz?
ROSA
You know what? I think we should go down
there. See what’s holding him up.
DR. ROSSI
Detectives. Hello. What brings you
here?
ROSA
Your shirt’s buttoned wrong.
DR. ROSSI
Ha, so it is, well, thanks for coming by--
CHARLES
We came to get that autopsy report. Is
Detective Peralta here? He’s supposed to
be here.
DR. ROSSI
I haven’t seen him.
ROSA
Found him.
JAKE
Hiiiiieeee.
(beat)
Could you hand me my pants, please? It’s
very cold in here.
ACT THREE
JAKE
This isn’t what it seems like.
ROSA
Yes, it is.
JAKE
Listen, here’s what’s going on: it all
started when I came down here for the
autopsy report. And in conclusion, here
we are. So, if you’ll excuse me...
ROSA
Cut the crap, Peralta.
JAKE
Fine. I’m sorry I delayed the autopsy
results. But, it’s not a big deal --
everyone knows it’s natural causes.
CHARLES
Not anymore. We think it could be a
murder.
JAKE
Like murder murder? Or like, his mouth
murdered him by making him eat so much
his heart exploded?
ROSA
Murder murder. We need that autopsy to
know for sure.
ROSSI
Um, I haven’t gotten to it yet.
CHARLES
You’ve been down here for two hours --
what, did you have sex forty times?
JAKE
Forty times?! Look, I’m sorry. We
didn’t think it was murder.
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CHARLES
It shouldn’t matter. I’m your primary
and I asked you to do something. And if
it’s okay, I’d like to be upset with you.
JAKE
Well, if this might be murder, let’s not
waste time on how this is my fault, or
how bad a secondary I am, or why I’m
suddenly turned on by formaldehyde.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Maya...Dr. Rossi, can you perform the
autopsy right now?
ROSSI
With a body that size, I need my
assistant. And I gave him the rest of
the day off when Jake showed up here.
JAKE
Fine. I will assist you. Because I am
an amazing secondary. Anyway, how gross
could it be?
ROSSI
It’s not gross at all. It’s hot. Now
gown up and put on some waterproof boots.
HOLT
Caught him?
AMY
Yes sir! He was easy to pick up. He
looked just like the Sergeant’s sketch.
SCULLY
You could be a professional artist,
Sarge. Like on the boardwalk.
TERRY
(disgusted)
You think I should draw caricatures?
(MORE)
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TERRY (CONT'D)
That’s garbage art. I don’t draw giant-
head people on surfboards.
SCULLY
I’m sayin’, you could -- you’re that
good.
AMY
Captain, the credit really goes to
Sergeant Jeffords. Without his refined
artistic skills--
HOLT
Finish the paperwork by noon -- I want it
included in the crime stats.
He walks off.
PURSE-SNATCHER
I gotta say, I always hate how I look in
pictures, but this is so flattering.
AMY
Sergeant, I need you to do one more
drawing for me.
She retrieves the official photo of Holt from the trash can
and hands it to Terry.
AMY (CONT’D)
It’ll cheer the captain up! He’s gonna
be over the moon. He may even lean back
in his chair a little and nod slightly.
TERRY
This is a lot of pressure. If I do this,
it has to be done right.
(intense)
Scully? Get me my oils.
ROSSI
Okay, now, just hold open the chest
cavity for me...
JAKE
Ugh, wow, okay. I can do this.
(looking away)
(MORE)
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JAKE (CONT'D)
It’s not a big deal, it’s just like
holding open really slimy elevator doors.
(he sneaks a peek)
For a family of aliens. Oh my God.
ROSSI
There are signs of stress on the heart,
but that’s no surprise. Look at that
stomach lining -- it’s a real beaut.
JAKE
(looking away)
Ahhhhgghghgh.
ROSSI
Put your hands in the lung and just start
scooping.
JAKE
One sec, please.
JAKE
Aarrrrghhhh. Bllblblblblblbl.
CHARLES
You need me to go back in there with you?
JAKE
No. This is my duty as secondary. I
deserve it.
Jake returns.
JAKE
I’m back and I’m good and I’m ready to
go.
ROSSI
This is one of the unhealthiest people
I’ve ever seen. It was like slicing into
an overstuffed ravioli. You really want
me to keep digging?
JAKE
(grossed out)
Yes. The primary detective on this case
thinks it’s a murder. We treat it like a
murder.
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ROSSI
Okay. Oh -- hear that?! That “gooosh”
is the sound of gas escaping from his
large intestine. We call it a “death
bubble.”
JAKE
Nope. Not ready yet.
JAKE
Eeeh haaa eeeh haaa.
CHARLES
Are you hungry?
(handing him a bag)
I got you an egg salad sandwich.
JAKE
Eeeh haaa eeeh haaa.
AMY
Knock knock.
HOLT
You can knock with your hands. Saying it
is ridiculous.
AMY
Okay, well, I know that you’re having a
bad day...
AMY (CONT’D)
...I think you’re having a bad day. So
to cheer you up, I had Terry do this
painting, to replace the photo you hated.
HOLT
I threw away the photo because I think
it’s ostentatious to hang pictures of
yourself, especially when you haven’t
earned a place on the wall.
AMY
Ah.
HOLT
But you would have me hang a baroque oil
painting of myself, like I’m a North
Korean dictator. No ornate gold frame?
And why am I not astride a noble steed,
clad in armor?
AMY
(lost)
We can add a horse!
HOLT
You wasted your time, Terry’s time, and
now my time on this. You should’ve been
filing the report on the purse snatcher.
AMY
Oh I did. It’s already in the system.
HOLT
Good. Thank you. Dismissed.
ROSSI
Hey, I’m glad you’re back. I just
finished up. Here’s his stomach
contents.
JAKE
Oh. That’s where they went.
ROSSI
But here’s the cool part. See the fresh
scarring to the liver? I’d say your
partner was on to something. Cause of
death: poison, ingested.
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JAKE
(mustering his strength)
Boyle was right. I gotta go tell him.
ROSSI
You could go do that.
(flirty)
Orrrr, we could move on...
(walking her fingers up his
chest)
...to the next post-mortem.
JAKE
Nope. Sorry. The spell has worn off.
No more weird dead guy sex for me ever
again. It’s nothing personal, but sex is
for the living. Isn’t that right, buddy?
He turns to A CADAVER.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Oh my god! You have no eyes! That’s
horrifying!
He runs off.
ACT FOUR
HOLT
What now, Santiago?
AMY
I figured out why you've been so...
tense. You're worried about the monthly
crime statistics.
HOLT
That’s not your concern.
AMY
I just checked the stats myself. Our
arrest numbers haven’t improved since you
got here. They’re exactly the same as
last month.
HOLT
If this is your strategy to cheer me up,
it’s backfiring.
AMY
Sir, I don’t think you realize how good
“flat numbers” are. I went back 12 years
-- a precinct's numbers almost always get
worse under new leadership. But ours
didn’t. That's a win.
AMY (CONT’D)
It’s just your first month. Morale is
much higher, people are working harder.
You’re well on the way to earning a place
on the wall.
HOLT
Thank you, Santiago.
She smiles.
AMY
You know, we’re birds of a feather, you
and I.
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HOLT
I hate clichés.
AMY
Right. Sorry.
CHARLES
We know you killed your husband. That
cruise you planned was for one. Plus the
autopsy showed clear signs of poison.
JAKE
For the record, the inside of your
husband was very gross.
CHARLES
My only question is why’d you do it?
MRS. PATTERSON
He drove me to it. He had affair after
affair. He was like Don Draper.
JAKE
(to Charles)
Permission to make a fat joke.
(off his nod)
Don Draper?! Is your TV the right shape?
MRS. PATTERSON
It’s just... he had an insatiable
appetite for women.
JAKE
Among other things.
CHARLES
Mrs. Patterson, you are under arrest for
the murder of your husband.
(smiles)
God, it feels so good to say that.
(to Mrs. Patterson)
Sorry -- probably not for you.
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MRS. PATTERSON
It’s okay. I shouldn’t have killed
anyone.
ROSA
Sarge, that painting is tight.
TERRY
It’s terrible. The brushwork is sloppy.
Poor use of negative space. I’m a fraud.
HOLT
Not at all. It’s incredibly well
executed. I’d like to take it home for
my husband. He’ll be glad you made me
look so happy.
He leaves.
TERRY
I was trying to make him look serious. I
still can’t read him.
ROSA
No one can.
AMY
I can. He likes it.
ROSA
Nice job, Boyle, you nailed it.
JAKE
Of course he did. He’s a great primary.
I’m sorry I was such a bad number two.
(sincere)
For the first time in my life, I may have
been a jerk.
CHARLES
It’s not the first time, Jake.
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CHARLES (CONT’D)
You’ve still never been a jerk.
JAKE
No, Charles, I was. And I’m sorry.
CHARLES
What a wonderful moment!
(looking at his phone)
Ugh. The DA wants to set bail for
Patterson’s wife. They need me to send
them all the files.
JAKE
I’m secondary -- let me take care of that
busy work. You guys stay and finish
celebrating.
ROSA *
You sure you’re not just slipping away *
for some more weird dead guy sex? *
JAKE *
(laughs) *
Ha ha ha. *
(then, intensely serious) *
We will never speak of that again! *
Never! *
Jake exits. *
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CHARLES *
So. Crazy day, huh?
ROSA
I hate small talk. Let’s drink in
silence.
CHARLES
Perfect.
END OF SHOW