No More Doubts for my Ma

My third year at the Engineering College was over, and my 4 friends with whom I shared a flat neat
our college in Pune had packed their bags and left for their homes

I was still under the shock given by my girl friend Namratha, she had announced that her family had
finalized her marriage plans and she is getting engaged during the vacation to some Kiran Sharma
who belongs to some big business family. We had been very close, and I was hoping that we will
eventually marry. But there was another reason, a far bigger reason, because of which I had not
gone home for the last 1 year.

I wanted some time to get over all this and had called home, and got mother on the line. The
purpose of my call was to tell them that I will stay back for 2 weeks to do some “reading at the
library”.

Mother had "Of course, but you'll be on your own…… ." I was sure that she knew the other “far
bigger reason” why I did not want to get home.

I told her it would be fine and I just needed a bit of time to myself. Of course I couldn't fool mother, I
never could. She knew there was something more to it than simply wanting to study more, but as
always she didn't probe. I remember she once said that if I ever need to talk she was there, but she'd
never be pushy.

For the last two years she hadn't "been there" because I had left home to take up a job interstate.
Since then I'd hardly visited home, and my main contact had been via an occasional telephone call.

If that doesn't sound like the behaviour of a devoted son then let me correct that and say it was
behaviour of a too devoted son.

The day Namratha has dropped the bombshell, I swore there would never be another woman in my
life till I finish college and PG. Well I had made similar commitments to myself once before.

Staying alone was ok for the first 3 days, then it became boring as I really did not have any
‘reading’ plans/ By the 4 th day I'd just about resolved to pack up and go home, when something
happened that turned the whole situation around.

It was around 12. noon I was lazing around reading a paperback, when the door bell rang. Thinking it
will be some vendor I took my time to go and open the door.

Imaging my surprise when I saw the last person on earth whom I expected to drop in at our flat, ….
My mother.

For a moment I was stunned, not sure if she really was there or was a creation of my imagination. I
stammered, "What...you...what...?"
She smiled at me and said, "Surprised to see me Karan?"

"Yes...I mean, Ma, you here,,,,...you never said...mentioned...even yesterday morning when we
spoke"

"No, I only made up my mind yesterday evening. Why dear, are you not pleased to see me?"

Was I please to see her! "Yes...yes...I've wanted to see you Ma.. its is just..."

"Then why don't you welcome your mother properly instead of just standing there."

We came into each other's arms and hugged and kissed. I was so relieved to see her; the one person
I'd least expected – not that I'd expected anyone – and at that moment I felt in a sense like a child
again in my mother's arms, knowing that everything would be all right now; although it hadn't been
all right a couple of years back.

She was warm and soft, just as she had always been, the goddess that mother's often are for their
children. In her embrace her warmth seemed to enter me and start to melt the darkness that had
pervaded me since Namratha.

She stood back, and let me collect her bags. I set her things in my room and saw her looking at me.
"Karan, you look terrible, is something wrong...have you been eating properly...no, you haven't, you
have lost weight. Just as well I brought some decent food; and you haven't shaved and your hair
needs cutting. Let's me make you a cup of tea; then lunch or may be breakfast”

I think I almost burst out laughing at that moment. It was so typical of mother, fussing over me and
then offering tea.

"Oh Ma, I had bread, but I would love to have a cup of tea." I said.

She got busy in the kitchen and I just looked at her, dressed in a fashionable salwar suit, she looked
so good, I always marveled at the grace and beauty she radiated.

We sat the kitchen table as mother poured.

"What brought you here mum?"

"What do you think brought me here?"

"You needed a break?"

Patiently, as if talking to an idiot, mother said, "It's you that's brought me here."

"Me, but what about the business?"

Ma ran a garment shop in Mumbai and it usually took a bit or organising before she could get away
from it.

"Oh, Sharma and Kumar can run it while I'm away, they're both quite competent."

"How long are you staying?" I asked.

"As long as you are."

"But I'm staying for a fortnight."

"Then I'm staying for a fortnight."

"Oh...you said you've come here for me."

"Yes."

"But why?"

"Karan, don't play games with me, we've had enough of that in the past. I knew there must be
something wrong, I could tell it from the sound of your voice on the telephone, and anyway you've
never wanted to be here on your own before."

"Am I that transparent?"

"Yes, you always were to me, as you should know by now."

I tried to make a joke of it. "I'm transparent to you even when you can't see me?"

"Karan, you're trying to be humorous, but you don't feel humorous, so stop it. I've come here
because I felt you were in trouble."

"No...no...not exactly trouble it's just something that..."

"What then?"

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"All right, I won't pry, but just do your self and me a favour and go and have a shower and a shave,
and for God's change those filthy clothes, and then I'll you should get a hair cut”

Obedient as ever I trotted off for my shower. Under the influence of the warm water I got my first
erection since Namratha left me. I don't think it was only the warm water, but I realized it was Ma’s
presence; things always seemed to be all right when she was around. But of course, there was a bit
more to it than that, in fact there was a lot more to it.
When I'd finished I put on my towel and headed for my bedroom. To get there I had to cross the hall
and Ma was there and she saw me.

"Oh Karan, you hair is all wet, In this climate you will catch cold dear” she said, following me to the
bed room. She opened her bad and grabbed a towel.

"I will dry it Ma”

“Sit down Karan” she said in her stern motherly tone,

"Yes, I know, you will you lazy fellow” she admonished me as her scrubber my hair…

Obediently I sat, and then I saw her boson in front of me, undulating with the movement of her
hands….. old memories started to flood my mind.

"Ma, I am not a kid"

“To me you are Karan”

She stopped scrubbing and gave a good head massage. It felt so good

“There, that's done, and don't you feel better?"

I had to admit I did feel better.

I rose and gave her a quick hug and said, "What will I do without you Ma"

"I got lunch ready while you were bathing " she said, "so let's sit and eat it now."

"What?, so soon"

"I've got some stuff from home, and cooked rice"

“You are a wonder Ma” I said as we went to the hall.

As we sat eating she asked, "Have you been sleeping properly?"

"No."

"Mmm, it is Namratha isn't it – sorry, said I wouldn't pry."

"It's all right, you might as well know. She dumped me."

"Serious then?"
"Yes, I though I will asked her to marry me, once I complete PG, but she wasn't so serious, she got
engaged to some rich industrialists kid."

"Did you really think it would work out with her even if she'd said yes?"

"You already know the answer to that."

"Yes, I do, I had told you once dear."

“Forget it Ma” I said. “It is good to have you here’

I licked my fingers as I polished off the chicken curry and rice.

"That's the first proper meal I've eaten since...since..."

“Last time you were home” she smiled.

I nodded.

“Even at home, the last few days that was how you were before, remember? Not eating, not
bothering to shave, you had me worried sick, but I suppose it was mostly my fault."

"Not your fault Ma, it was me who started it; that's why I you know, I never came home during the
last 1 year"

"Yes, I understood."

There was a long silence. Mother had finished clearing the dishes, and had come and sat down again
at the table, and seemed to be staring into space, or perhaps it was some inner image of the past
that she saw.

She rose abruptly and said, "I'm going to have a shower”.

She stood looking at me for a few moments, and then turned and went to my room.

I suddenly felt very tired. I know it sounds pathetically childish, but now mother was here everything
was okay, I could eat and sleep again, and oddly the thought of Namratha didn't hurt nearly as much
as it had.

As if to confirm my infantile condition at that time I did something that had been a frequent habit
since my early days. I stretched down on the divan in the hall, using one of the cushions as a pillow.

I think I was asleep in seconds.

How long I slept I've never been sure. I was awakened by a sound and the room was dim which
indicated it must have been after sunset.

The sound proved to be mother coming into the room to see if I was still sleeping. I could just see
her standing by the bed looking rather like a grey ghost.

I sat up and she said, "Ah, so you are awake; how do you feel?

"Fine," I said, "I haven't felt as good since...it must be your influence."

She laughed softly and switched on the tube light and I could see she had bathed and changed to a
nice housecoat.

She came and sat on the divan. I was sitting up, my back against the wall that ran along the back of
the divan.

She took my hand in hers, and for a while we sat in silence.

After a while she said, "You know why I've come, don't you?"

"I think so."

"Has anything changed?"

"No, I told you it never would."

"Not even when you were with Namratha?"

"No, that was different, I had to have something...had to have a future. But I didn't even have that,
did I? Has anything changed for you?"

"Yes."

"It died then...I mean, you...you don't feel the same way?"

"About you?"

"Yes."

"Yes darling, I still feel the same."

"So what's changed?"

"Do you mind if we don't talk about that just yet?"

"Not if you don't want to but...but what do you want to talk about?" Here I feel I must pause in my
narrative and do a “flash back” like in bollywood movies, to nearly 1 year back, when I had gone
home for study leave.

I was 18 and my hormones were boiling. I had the habit of surfing for porn and a shut room at home
during the study leave had given me enough time to indulge in this.

I had somehow started seeing my mother as a woman, I had always found her attractive but this
vacation my feelings had started to change.

One evening Papa was not home and I carelessly barged into my parents bedroom looking for the
days newspaper.

I opened to door and heard a shout, “heeeyyy, KARAN’ my mother, she had just taken her bath and
was semi-naked, she had on her black brassiere and panties.

I had never seen a semi naked or naked woman in flesh before – least of all mother!. To see one in
the flesh was a very different experience.

For a few moments we stood gazing at each other, and then mother almost casually pulled on a
housecoat that had been lying on the bed.

I had seen my first naked woman in the flesh, and it was a moment I shall never forget.

Perhaps some description of mother may help my reader.

She was thirty eight at the time. To me she had always been beautiful, although I must grant that not
everyone might have seen her like that – not as a loving son saw her.

She is tall for a woman – five feet seven. Her wavy hair is jet black always beautifully cared for, and
cut straight at shoulder length and seems to ripple as she moves.

Her face is rather like an elongated triangle, starting at a broad forehead and going down to the
point of a narrow chin that just missed being sharp. Her nose is what I believe is called an aristocratic
nose, slightly aquiline and her mouth small with rosebud-like lips, her eyes were dark brown. Her
neck tends to be long and on it her head sits very erect.

Her figure is not very slender but swelling in those places that ideally the female figure is supposed
to swell. Her hip measurements I have never checked, but for those concerned about such matters
her breasts were large, and I actually know her bra size – I know from secret checking in one her
under clothes, – 36C. They were not huge, but shapely and sexy, with a deep cleavage. I had always
loved her shapely belly, which had a deep and sexy navel.

Her legs that were well proportioned with the rest of her body, and shapely in themselves, with
slightly plump thighs.
That was how I saw her that first time and I stood there bewildered and embarrassed.

It was mother who, having calmly covered herself, asked, "Karan, you should knock dear, did you
want something darling?"

I had to make an effort to remember what I'd entered her room for, but I managed to stammer out
that I was looking for the Times of India, and couldn't find it. She told me where it was and I left her.

Those few moments were to haunt me since that day, none of the porn I saw on CDs and internet,
did not bring forgetfulness, and as days passed I became sexually obsessed with mother.

I found every excuse and reason I could to embrace and kiss her, and as she never stopped me, and
in fact encouraged me, I came to realise that mother was being aroused by my closeness.

I began to feel envious of my Papa that he had an access to her body and I had not, and I started to
listen at night for sounds of them copulating. Perhaps it was as well that I never did hear them
because it might have driven me out of my mind.

Of course it could not go on like that, something had to give; either I overcame my lust for mother or
had at least to discover whether she would give herself to me.

The climax came one weekend when my father was away. On the Saturday night mother had taken a
shower just before going to bed. I was sitting in the hall reading, when she came to say good night,
wearing only her nightdress.

She sat near me and we talked for some time. She was feeling increasingly frustrated with Papa’s
business trips and late nights and drinking.

“Karan, when you are here it feels so good, otherwise I feel so lonely, sometime I feel so old and
alone” she said as I held her hands. She moved closed as I slowly pulled her to me. We hugged and
she held me tight.

‘Oh Ma, I me here, I will come back whenever I can, don’t worry, I will be there, you are so nice, so
good, I don’t know why Papa does this, I … I .. I love you so much Ma”.. I don’t know what made me
say that.

“Oh Karan’ she murmured and started kissing my forehead,,,, then my cheeks,,, and as I closed my
eyes, our lips met. It was so sudden, but so natural as she led me through my fisrt real kiss, slowly
opening her lips and tracing my lips open with her tounge.

As she kissed me I started to fondle one of her breasts. For a few moments she seemed to yield to
my touch, but then she abruptly brushed my hand away. Her thighs were on my groin and I was
hard. I realized that she felt that.
"I know darling...I know...but we can't...mustn't...”

“Oh Ma” I cried “I… I love you, I mean”

She looked at me and then moved back a bit, my Bermudas where tented.

“I am sorry Ma”… is all that I could say.

She looked at me, “No Karan, it is me, I should have seen it, in fact I know, and I never stopped you
dear” her hands caressed my face. “It isn't that I don't want to but, we cannot… but...let me help
you..."

She moved back, and pulled off the knot of my shorts. I was immobile but raised myself as she pulled
it down and then my underwear.

“Oh Karan” I heard her gasp as she saw my 7 inch erection. Her hands crept up my thighs and her
fingers curled around my penis. She said, "This is all I can do for you," and she started to masturbate
me.

She did not speak nor did I, it was magical, erotic. She looked into my eyes all the time.

As she felt that I was about to ejaculate she speeded up her movement, and then, as the sperm shot
out of urethra her movements became more deliberate, pressing down hard on my foreskin as if to
drive the sperm out of me.

When I had finished and was lying back recovering from the orgasm she said, "I'm so sorry darling
it's all I can give you."

She ran away to her room. I staggered to my room and fell asleep.

The next day, I was ashamed to face her. She acted as if nothing had happened. Of course, later I the
day when we were alone we talked about our feelings, and as far as mother was concerned she
could not bring herself to commit adultery and incest. She said we should forget what had
happened. If she thought that masturbating me would bring an end to my desire for her, she was
wrong. Her action had been like throwing petrol on a fire, but at least it was out in the open now.
She knew clearly how I felt about her, and had admitted that she wanted to give me more.

My eyes were always on her and she knew it. It became very difficult and that finally caused me to
leave home earlier that study leave. I also found excuses not to go home, during the next 1 year. I
believed that if ever we did eventually give in, afterwards mother would be devastated. I was torn
inside because as I saw it I was leaving the love of my life; my Ma, and despite Namratha, mother
had remained my great love.

********
Even the touch of mother's hand on mine caused the old magic to work. I started to get an erection
as I waited for her to speak again.

“You could have come home, Karan, you know I am not upset” she said.

“I know Ma, but I can’t control myself, I don’t know why, even now… I cant” I said as he laid her hear
on my shoulder. “I love you Ma”

She said “And I love you my son, please understand, you are the best thing in my life” her hands
came down my chest and touched my groin. I was hard.

“Ma sorry, I cant help it” I murmured.

At first she said nothing, but her hand crept inside my robe and took hold of my penis. As she began
to stroke it I cried out, "No...no mother...I...we're past all that...I'm not going through all that
torment again."

She leaned forward and kissed me and said, "You won't have to, darling; I'm trying to tell you I'm
ready now."

"You mean..."

"If you still want me, but then, I can feel you do, and I haven't come here just to talk, I want you;
that's what I've come for."

She kissed me again. Her lips were like fire on mine, hot and yet moist. We clung together, our
mouths open, tongues battling for entry.

Abruptly she broke from our kiss and stood up.

"Stand up," she commanded.

I obediently stood up and she took my hand and placed my fingers on the latch of the zip that ran
down the front of her housecoat.

"Undress me," she said.

I drew down the zip and as the housecoat opened I could see she was wearing a pink brassier and
panties underneath. She shrugged the housecoat from her shoulders and it dropped to the floor at
her feet. She looked so sexy, the brassier could never hide the beauty of her bosom, I could see the
erect nipples, the deep cleavage.

She looked at me as if challenging and said hoarsely, "Well, do you still want me?" Mother was 39, at
the time and perhaps doubtful of her female attractions, yet to my eyes she was the sexiset woman
in the world. I've wondered about that since. I've already implied that mother would not be
accounted an outstanding beauty – although I'm not sure what that means – but for me she has
been the most lovable and desirable woman on earth.

She reached back and removed her brassire and then gracefully removed her panties. She was nude
and she blew me away, Her breasts had a hint of sag, but was so full, so lush and so sexy, large
pendulous and capped with 2 inch wide areala and thick brown nipples. Her secret areas was
shaved!, and looked so sexy.

“Tell me Karan” her voice was shaking.

In reply to her question I said, "I told you long ago I shall always want you."

Her manner to that point had been imperious, but now she suddenly melted. She came near me and
pulled of my T shirt and I stepped out of my shorts. she pressed against me murmuring,
"Darling...darling...I want you so badly...love me...show me you love me."

I was taller than her by about four inches, but my penis fitted neatly between the lips of her vulva as
she started to work it over my length.

I could feel its wetness as she continued speaking, "I love you...I love ...I've been cruel but now...now
I'll give you everything you want...I won't hold back...not ever...just love me..."

“Come Ma” I murmured and hand in hand we went to the bedroom. Standing near the bed we
kissed again, “I want you so badly Ma” I sighed.

I could feel and hear her desperate need and I place a hand on her breast and gently pressed it. It
was warm and yielding and she moaned, "Lovely darling...lovely...suck my nipples...I want you to
suck them."

She seemed almost to swoon back onto the bed and as I came beside her I could feel her trembling
with passion.

I took one of her sweet brown nipples into my mouth while I caressed her other breast with my
hand. She was almost beside herself, whimpering and crying out her love as she clutched my head to
her breasts.

She tasted honey sweet and I sucked her fervently. But there was more I wanted to taste. I wanted
to taste her femaleness, the centre of her womanhood.

She protested as I stopped sucking her nipple, but I ignored her and getting off the bed, I swung her
round so that as I knelt before her I was looking directly at her pudendum.

The long groove of her vulva, the lips looking swollen and at the top the little hood that covered her
centre of pleasure, and all glistening with her love juice.
I ran my finger along the wet groove and mother gave a howl of ecstasy. As I inserted my finger into
her vagina she moaned and whimpered.

For a while I worked my fingers into her as she lay back helplessly writhing until I touched her
clitoris. This dragged a long scream from her as she begged me, "Don't stop...don't stop...". But I did
stop.

I parted the lips with my fingers and leaned forward and started to lick.

I felt her convulse and she cried out, "What are you doing...what are you doing to me...you
can't...you might not like...oh darling...darling...oh God..."

From protesting she gradually subsided and held my head to her. I wondered if it was possible that
my father had never enjoyed her in this way. As I was to later learn he had tried it once and found it
unpleasant and never attempted it again.

For me it was the epitome of giving love to a woman. But then, I revelled in her taste and smell.
When I started to lick and suck her clitoris she became frantic and began to orgasm.

It was a struggle to hold on to her as she thrashed and bounced on the bed in a wild display of
euphoria.

The lower part of my face was soaked with her warm fluid and I stayed with her until at last she gave
a long drawn out sigh and I felt her relax.

She was saying repeatedly, "Karan, what have you done to me...what have you done...it was
exquisite, but was it all right, did you like it?"

"Mother," I said quietly, "I've waited for years to do that to you."

I drew her back gently onto the bed and lied down near her, kissing her body. Soothing her, I kissed
up her shapely legs, spending time on her fleshy thighs and giving her love bites, which made her
giggle. I was so nice, so sensuous.

I made love to her generous body, licking and caressing her belly and navel, going up slowly to her
still heaving bosom. “They are so lovely Ma” I murmured kissing and licking her valley and going up
to her neck, licking of the sweat from her. She held my face and her eyes shone “Oh Karan, you are
so good, I never imagined” she smiled.

I licked her boobs again marveling at the firm softness and the way they yielded, the way her nipples
were hard. I teased around her nipples and she cried “Again, please suck me son”. I sucked her in
deeply and I felt her body shivering in passion. Her hands held my head to her bosom, and she was
whimpering and groaning. I wanted to penetrate her but was afraid to ask, despite what we have
done so far.
I stopped and sat near her. She looked so sexy with her spear over the pillow her body wet and
shining. Mu hands came down and rested over her center. She murmured “Karan, son”

“Yes Ma” I looked up

“Are you waiting for my permission” she smiled. “I am ready, darling, ready for my son”

As she lay there in an attitude of surrender I carefully parted her legs and then lay between them.

I was probing with my penis for her entrance when I felt her hand guide me in.

I slipped into her, passing under her pubic bone and into her hot wet depths, so soft and clinging.

I had my full length in her when it happened. It was like receiving an electric shock. A pulsating grip
held my penis for a few seconds, and the mother asked, "Did you like that, darling?"

I tried to respond, but all I could stammer out was, "I-it wer-was...greatt...do it again...please..."

There it was again, like a powerful clamp. To move my penis in her I had to make a concentrated
effort.

She released me and gently laughing she said, "You see, my love, I'm never going to let you
go...never...you're mine now."

Then her smile changed to a look of lust ‘Do me”

She was tight, and very wet, I moved easily, as our bodies copulated. I was slow and clumsy but she
guided me as I came out a couple of times. As I got into the groove and our bodies found the eternal
rhythm of love, it was heavenly.

My strict and proper mother was groaning and shaking under me in sexual heat as I plunged into
her.

“Love me Karan, you are doing it so well” she cried her hands caressing my back as I rammed in.

“Harder, son, harder. Yessssss”

I don’t know how long we copulated….

“Ma I……”

She said “It is ok darling, go on come to Ma” she raised her legs and I rammed in harder.

I had already held back too long, and as I let my orgasm go mother seemed to spring into action.
"I'm coming again...I'm coming...let it go...put it in me.....I want it,
AAASSGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG...oh God...I need...I
want...oooaw....oooaw...darling...yes...yes...aaaaow AASSSSSShhhhh ..."

I was lost in her, pumping my seed in deep as if responding to her cry.

My sperm slammed into her. We were struggling together for ever greater depth of penetration.
Beneath me mother was screaming and weeping still begging me to do her.

One final spurt into her and I started to unwind but mother was still thrusting up against me as her
orgasm continued to hold her in its grasp.

With my softening penis I kept moving with her as I kissed her tear stained face.

Then she too started to relax, although she was still sobbing.

I waited until she had calmed down, and then said, "Ma are you ok?"

"Of course, darling." She smiled gasping for air.

"But you are crying...?" I kissed her tears away

"Of course I am, I am so happy, so so happy”. She found my lips and kissed me.

She had stopped sobbing and she looked at me mischievously, smiled, and said, "You thought you
had hurt me? You are much bigger than your Papa, but we women don’t get hurt by love making”

"Oh Ma, " I kissed her again.

Then a hideous thought struck me; "My God, I …. I did not use a ….. will you….get ?"

"No, I have done an operation dear, soon after your sister was born." She smiled.

I lay down and she curled up to me, putting her thighs over mine, running her hands through the
hairs on my chest.

"Oh Ma, I don’t want to leave you” I sighed overcome with feelings

“You don’t have to son”

"But Papa"

"Well, he does not want me any more, but for a quickie once a month, I put up with that, and I may
stop that completely now”
"So, Karan, I shall be happy to come and stay with you in another flat, I can start another outlest
here and Mumbai can be hyandled by Sharma; that is, if my son wants me. I'm love sex son, but has
never been with another man till today, I want it to be with someone I love and who loves me, and I
think you qualify."

"I qualified a long time ago," I replied.

"Yes," mother said. "Ah...Karan, do you want to come in me again?"

I still had my penis in her vagina and it had hardened again and she must have felt it.

"Er...well...if it's okay with you."

"It will always be okay, darling, I've got a lot of giving and taking to do, so why don't you put your
lovely hot sperm in me and then we can have a shower and decided what we're going to do for the
next couple of weeks. By the way, you will do that nice thing with your tongue again, won't you?"

"Try and stop me," I said as I started to move in her.

********

The decision about what to do for the next couple of weeks didn't take long to settle. In fact it
virtually settled itself. I have to admit though, that we did do some other things, like shopping,
movies etc. But every night and on many mornings and almost all afternoons, we had sex, hot
incestuous sex.