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Cambridge ESOL IN-SERVICETEACHING

CERTIFICATE IN ENGLISH LANGUAGE
LANGUAGE FOR TEACHERS MARKSHEET
TASK NO. 3 Focus on the learner’s written language
Tutors should mark this task using the General Mark Scheme for the assessment of written language on page 39 of the Syllabus and
Assessment Guidelines(2005) and the Task Specific Assessment Criteria on page 24 and the notes to centres on page 25.

Task-specific criteria Sergio Tovar

Language Accuracy and Language Awareness

Tick box if met
3a use accurate language in summarising comments to learners √-
3b demonstrate understanding and use of terminology to describe learner language √-
Range and Appropriacy
3c employ appropriate professional discourse in describing the rationale for correction √-
3d use appropriate language in summarising comments to learners √-

Organisation and Content

3e identify and correct all errors in the corrected version √
3f make appropriate choices of errors to correct in the annotated version √-
3g make appropriate use of language reference materials such as dictionaries and grammars √-
Audience Awareness
3h provide appropriate and helpful feedback and summarising comments to the learner √-
3I inform a professional reader of rationale for correction. √-

Word limit respected √

Appendices correctly attached and labeled √
General Mark Scheme
Language Accuracy and Language Awareness
Your comment to your learner is clear. You have used some terminology to describe learner language but this is quite vague and not well qualified.
You need to demonstrate more in reference to the nature of error and language acquisition. You also need to address language inaccuracy throughout
your assignment
Pass √-
Merit
Distinction
Range and Flexibility
Your assignment has very limited professional disourse to infom of what made your decisions of what to correct and what not to correct. This has
meant that your rationale is rather weak here. You do have suitable and appropriate comments for your learners though
Pass √-
Merit
Distinction
Organisation and Content
You have identified all the errors in the text along with an annotated version though please make sure that you are addressing the type of error
correctly. These need to be justified in the body of your assignment in greater detail so that these are connected
Pass √.
Merit
Distinction
Audience Awareness
Your comments to your learner are helpful and clear and well balanced. However a reader would have limited information about your rationale and
what you chose to correct as this isn’t consistently and clearly stated in the assignment
Pass √-
Merit
Distinction

General Comments: The candidate has made a good attempt to correct the errors though he needs to pay attention to accuracy in his command of language.
He has been thorough with both versions however the analysis was rather weak in the body with very limited rationales and limited terminology. There is
enough evidence to pass although this is a very weak assignment

Overall recommended grade for Task 3. Circle as appropriate.

Distinction Merit Pass (WEAK) Not to standard

First Marker:__E. Fishwick___________________ Date:__10 May 2017_________________

Second Marker:_ Date:

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IN-SERVICE CERTIFICATE IN ENGLISH

LANGUAGE TEACHING

COMPONENT 1

Language Task 3
Focus on the Learner’s Written Language

CANDIDATE: Sergio Rosendo Tovar

Date Set:

Date Hand- in: April, 2017

Marker:

Return date:

COURSE TUTORS:

Orlando
and
Ricardo
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IN-SERVICE CERTIFÍCATE IN ENGLISH LANGUAGE TEACHING

COMPONENT 1 - LANGUAGE FOR TEACHERS

TASK 3- Focus on the learner's written language

Length: 750-1,000 WORDS

Task outline

You are required to identify and correct the errors ¡n a sample of written work from two
learners who are at different levels and provide appropriate feedback for the learners

Guidelines

1. On one copy identify and correct all the errors (the corrected version)
2. Correct and annotate the other for the learner; include a brief
summarizing comment written to the learner (the annotated version)
3. Write a brief rationale for the choices made in the annotated version
explaining why some errors have been corrected and some not.

NOTE:
1. One of the samples must be written by a learner of at least intermediate level and
be of around two hundred words in length.

2. Before starting work on the assignment you should label the work, indicating
learner level and age if appropriate. You should then make two copies of both samples.

3. The rationale should give justification for such areas as: the style of feedback (e.g.
error code, full correction); any type of errors consistently left uncorrected; the style and
content of the summarizing comment to the learner.
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General Assessment Criteria PASS level assignments

will

show that the candidate can:

Accuracy

1a use accurate language in summarizing comments to learners

1b demonstrate understanding and use of terminology to describe learner

language

Range and Flexibility

1c employ appropriate professional discourse in describing the rationale for correction

1d use appropriate language in summarizing comments to learners

Organisation and Content

1e identify and correct all errors in the corrected version

1f make appropriate choices of errors to correct in the annotated version

1g make appropriate use of language reference materials such as dictionaries and

grammars

Audience Awareness

1h provide appropriate and helpful feedback an summarizing comments to the

learner

1i inform a professional reader of the rationale for correction

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Table of Contents

Introduction ................... 6
Student A ...................... 6
Rationale ....................... 7
Style of Feedback........... 7

Student B........................ 8
Rationale ....................... 8
Style of Feedback .......... 9

Conclusions ................... 9
Bibliography ................. 10

Appendices:

Appendix 1: Student A – Original Work .......... 11

Appendix 2: Student A – Corrected Version.... 12
Appendix 3: Student A – Annotated Version.... 14

Appendix 4: Student B – Original Work............ 21

Appendix 5: Student B – Corrected Version..... 29
Appendix 6: Student B – Annotated Version..... 32
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Introduction

I hope this report could be of help for teachers, just as a case of praxis; considering that
rehearsal and feedback are key to Ss’ development; I’ll be assigning suitable writing tasks to
two Ss with different profile, latter on I’ll be providing them careful developmental feedback; my
focus will be in:

the choice of the assignment;

the choice of prescriptive corrections;
a snapshot of the contents, style and delivery of feedback and action points.

For ethical resons I will avoid to mark directly on my Ss’ works, I shall rather use digitized
pictures or transcriptions for annotated feedbacks.

Provided that “errors are evidence of learner development...” Lizzie Pinard (2013,)
I consider handmade (red) marks and proofreaders’ codes antipedagogical, obsolete and
disrespectful.

I’ll be also providing plenty of positive feedback as a way to reinforce Ss’ progress
because I consider this as the most important feedback feature.

Student A, C1 Level:

Rommina is in her middle 50s, her spoken expression is mostly fluent and her reading
comprehension skills are outstanding; she has faced difficulties regarding her listening skills
and, her writting is probably her weakest skill.
She has spoken basic English since she was a child, she often displays many fossilized
mistakes; her main motivation to study English formally is to lower anxiety when writing letters
and reports for professional purposes.

Rommina is a brilliant physician who speaks Portuguese as her 1 st language and she is a
seminative speaker of Spanish so, she may often displays interference of her 1 st and 2nd
languages.
She has admitted that she is not longer used to write, for many years, since the time when she
graduted, she’s written nothing else but prescriptions.

We spoke about suitable writing tasks for her and we agreed that she’ll be practicing with
miscelaneous topics related to her professional field.
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Rommina also expects suggestions about one language topic to work out in a further
assignment.

Rationale
I reactively decided to correct:

spelling and word choice to enhance conveyance of meaning;

one single grammar point provided she is a very busy person and I don’t want to be
overwhelming.

I decided NOT to corect the following:

puntuation; provided it allows some flexibility and the student is very familiar with punctuation
rules, errors will be marked but NO feedback will be necessary;

Style of Feedback

We’d agreed upon correction of the most urgent features that may compromise meaning or her
professional image. I’ll be marking her work on a partial transcription using different fonts and
colors and, there will be an additional note delivering general feedback.

Rommina is very open to error correction so, my feedback will be straightforward and concise;
I will simply rewrite any words or sentences to show the right spellings,
and, options for word choice
and, options to rebuild sentences in a way that could help to convey their meaning more
proficiently.

As a very relevant example, I’d like to mention that

I will not feedback the word choice in this sentence:

“a poor dog who crossed the street.”

where the usual choice cold be:
“a poor dog that crossed the street.”

The Ss is aware of the involved rule,

nevertheless, she prefers to refer to dogs and to pets of all kind as if they were persons.
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Student B, B1 level:

Oswaldo is a student of the 9th grade.

He barely had a background in English when he started the secondary school 2 years ago; now
he has become a very enthusiastic learner who enjoys using online dictionaries proactively and
taking notes about grammar rules. He is been targeted as a visual and kinesthetic learner; he
has a very artistic profile and he is very fond of drawing, and creative writing.

His oral production is below average in both L1 and L2, he displays introversion and hesitation
issues.
His performance about receptive skills is low; paraphrasing his teachers I would say that
“Oswaldo has difficulties to keep his attention focused on one task for more than two minutes,”
his attention goes back and forth; this is reflected on his writing works as a lack of coherence or
continuity. So far we have combined writing and drawing alternatively to help him to cope with
his mental shifting.

Rationale

Oswaldo has demonstrated an absolut neeed for creative freedom, he can produce very
interesting texts at the best of his capability when he can choose the topic so,
all I usually provide is a list of constraints like:

nothing related to video-games, cartoons or skateboarding;

nothing that could be considered as rude or inappropriate...
no more than 300 words.

That way I can leave everything else up to him so, I can allow him to be very creative.

His lack of coherence is a matter of maturity that, according to specialists, will get gradually
corrected as he grows-up and gains brain maturity;
therefore I will avoid to provide correction or guidelines about any of the following:

punctuation;
cases of missing nouns, pronouns or articles;
wrong or incomplete use of transitive verbs;
mistakes due to overgeneralization;
L1 interference.
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What I shall correct:

Provided this student is so creative and fond of narrative, he has committed “natural order
errors” that demonstrate his need to learn Past Perfect so, a reference in regards will be
delivered.

I’ll be also providing feedback about the most relevant mistakes, within his scope, that could
compromise meaning:

spelling mistakes;
verb tense mistakes;
no more than one correction of an incomplete sentence.

Style of feedback

I’ll sincerely praise the Ss’ narrative skills and recent improvements.

I’ll use one of his sentences to exemplify the use of past perfect; in order to optimize the use of
his spots of attention I will only use the right version without showing the mistake.

The feedback will be delivered in a separate partial-transcription without marking his slides as
he has requested; he will correct them by himself, provided he doesn’t want them to loose
graphical value:

Such self-correction will be more beneficial for the student: “output aids learning because it
provides a domain for error correction.” Krashen, (1995:68).

Conclusions:

It is important to inform to the students (and parents when applicable) that the teachers should
not mark everything, just the most relevant features to be worked out.

I’ve re-discovered the value feedback in written as a personalized channel of communication.

1050 words.
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Bibliography

L. (2013, August 12). Delta Notes 1: Error Correction. Retrieved March 13, 2017, from
https://reflectiveteachingreflectivelearning.com/2013/08/10/delta-notes-1-error-correction/

Dr. Stephen Krashen answers questions on The Comprehension Hypothesis Extended. (n.d.).
Retrieved March 13, 2017, from http://jalt-publications.org/tlt/articles/2001-dr-stephen-krashen-
answers-questions-comprehension-hypothesis-extended

Krashen, S. D. (1995). Principles and practice in second language acquisition. New York:
Phoenix Elt.

Swan, M. (2015). Practical english usage. Oxford: University Press.

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Appendix 1: Student A - Original Work

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Appendix 2: Student A - Corrected Version

(top right)
your address,
and any other personal information
that you’d like to include.

(immeditely below on the left)

the name and address
of the person you’re writing to.

the date should normally go here:

Sunday, 12 March 2017

On 25 September my son Macario Perez, MP 4/4/89

was admitted to the hospital Zaragoza

vomiting and bleeding.

He was very weak because he had lost blood.

I was angry, impatient and overwhelmed.

He had a car accident

where he tried not to run over a poor dog who crossed the street.

A big truck did not see his car and it crashed into him.

He was admitted to Zaragoza ward

where I spoke to the General Practitioner,

explaining the situation, I told he needed 24 hours supervision

due to his critical condition.

I offered to stay all night long to check look after him,

,
the Doctor said NO but I wanted to see him well.
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I am very disappointed and frustrated because the hospital, the

nursery staff and the doctor did not provide us a satisfactory service.

The General practitioner did not assist him,

the nurse was apathetic, cynical and lazy.

They recommend him to take paracetamol pills and

an ointment he would use to diminish the pain.

To resolve the problem I would like a compensation, an apology and

a fully explain why the above happened, I really want a resolution and

concrete evidence that the failures that occurred

will not recur to other patients.

I look forward to hearing from you and to a resolution of this problem.

Please contact me at the above address or by phone.

Yours sincerely.

ROMMINA O
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Appendix 2: Student A – Partial Transcription and Annotated Version

[your address, and any other personal information]

[the name and address
of the person you’re writing to]

Great job Rommina, I can see that

you followed the general guidance to
plot a letter placing your information
and the one of the person you’re
writing to on the right spaces.
On 25 September my son Macario Perez, MP 4/4/89

was admitted to the hospital Zaragoza

vomiting and bleeding.

He was very weak because he had lost blood.

I was angry, impatient and overwhelmed.

He had a car accident.

Please consider options to help the

reader to figure out about the time
frame, you can use expressions like:
“He’d had a car accident.”

“He’d just had a car accident.”

“He had had a car accident.”

or simply provide an explicit time-

frame.
He was admitted to Zaragoza ward

where I spoke to the General Practitioner ,

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explaining the situation, I told he needed 24 hours supervision

due to his critical condition.

I offered to stay all night long to check look after him,

// I offered to stay all night long to look after him, //

The word “check” seems pretty

unecessary here.
,
the Doctor said NO but I wanted to see him well...

To resolve the problem I would like a compensation, an apology and

a fully explain why the above happened,

It shall be more rightful to say:

//and that you fully explain why...//

or //and a full explanation about why...//

I really want a resolution and

concrete evidence that the failures that occurred

will not recur to other patients.

I look forward to hearing from you and to a resolution of this problem.

Excellent expressiveness and

appropriacy!!
Please contact me at the above address or by phone.

Yours sincerely.

ROMMINA O
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Dear Romina,

Your letter shows great improvements in your expresiveness and accuracy.

To begin with, I’d like to praise your commitment and continuous efforts.

The comments that I added to your original text are mostly in regards to spelling or word-choice,

since I know that such is of your finest interest.

In regards to one of the sentences that I suggested you to re-write as:

“He’d had a car accident.”

I recommend you to continue working with

Michael Swan's book "Practical English Usage;"

please find enclosed the pages 426 to 428

with the sections for “the past perfect tenses”

I hope this could be of some help.

Best Regards.

Sergio
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Swan, M. (2015). Practical english usage. Oxford: University Press.

Swan, M. (2015). Practical english usage. Oxford: University Press.

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Swan, M. (2015). Practical english usage. Oxford: University Press.

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Swan, M. (2015). Practical english usage. Oxford: University Press.

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Swan, M. (2015). Practical english usage. Oxford: University Press.

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Appendix 4: Student B – Original Work

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25
26
27
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Appendix 5: Student B – Corrected Version

On the first day of my job in

Barcelona Spain, I decided to have

a coffee before my work day, after

long and boring hours of work I return to

my house when I notice that everything

was in disorder.

After thinking about it for a long time,

I decided to sleep. The next morning I was

confused by the door and the hot cakes,

analyze the situation

and arrive at the conclusion

of putting some to find out.

I ignore it ,

as I remember, I barely moved yesterday

so, I started to lift everything thrown

after an hour, all raised and settled

I decided to rest a little,

later I decided to go to the super market.

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Without thinking more,

I decided to look for the hot cakes

to look inside but I did not find anything

then, I despaired thinking

that it had provoked both, the open door

and the hotcakes disappeared.

The next day, I had hotcakes with the ingredients that I bought the night before,

while I was having breakfast

I thought about what happened yesterday ,

on the door I decided to forget it,

later in the afternoon I decided to watch the television , after a while I fell asleep

when I woke up it was 6:30, I went to the kitchen to have dinner with the hotcakes that I kept

but they were not there.

Then I became very strange because I remember closing it,

then after etering and leaving things on the table

I decided to check what happened,

then take a flashlight and check but unfortunately

I did not find anything.

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Already in the supermarket decided to buy milk, eggs, flour and mantequilla

because as tomorrow would be Saturday

would rest and be alone at home, when I get to my house

I discovered that the door of my house was half open.

At night, when I set the cameras

I decided to put a bait to catch any creature, after two hours, sleep something

and so I met an animal that was a simple raccoon.

classification of errors
[1] In the use of English verbs must be arranged with nouns or pronouns.
[2] Wrong or incomplete use of transitive verbs.
[3] L1 interference.
[4] Natural Order Error,

the student displays developmental errors that reflect his neet to learn

(a) past perfect to talk about an event which happened before another one in the past,
or
(b) the use "would" to mean that something was volunteered or promised for a further moment;
Vs. the use of "was going to" or "were going to" to mean that something was planned or
predicted for a further time.
[5] Overgeneralization.
[6] Spelling mistakes.
[7] The student mistook the tense of the verb.
[8] Missing the definite article.
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Appendix 5: Student B – Partial Transcription and Annotated Version

On the first day of my job in

Barcelona Spain, I decided to have

a coffee before my work day, after

long and boring hours of work I return ed to

my house when I notice d that everything
was in disorder.

You’ve built great paragraphs,

congratulations!

After thinking about it for a long time,

I decided to sleep. The next morning I was

confused by the door and the hot cakes,

analyze the situation

I analyzed the situation

and I arrive d to a conclusion...

after entering and leaving things on the table

I decided to check what had happened...

Already in the supermarket decided to buy milk, eggs, flour and mantequilla...
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At night, when I set the cameras

I decided to put a bait to catch any creature, after two hours, sleep something

and so I met an animal that was a simple raccoon.

Dear Oswaldo,

congratulations, your narrative skills are wonderful.

I really enjoyed your story,

every scene on cardboard with pictures seemed as part of the story board for a movie.

These are your action points for this week:

[1] plese take a look to the list of regular verbs on the last pages of your workbook;

[2] you wrote a very interesting sentence:

“I thought about what had happened...“
this involves “Past Perfect,”
to talk about an event which happened before another one in the past;
this is a new verb structure that you’re ready to learn:
Please find enclosed one of the pages from the web site
http://www.myenglishteacher.net/pastperfecttense.html

I’m sure you’ll enjoy it!

In the meanwhile, take care.

Sergio
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Past Perfect

(n.d.). Retrieved April 29, 2017, from http://www.myenglishteacher.net/pastperfecttense.html