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Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science 4 (2015) 103–106

Contents lists available at ScienceDirect

Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science


journal homepage: www.elsevier.com/locate/jcbs

Connect and shape: A parenting meta-strategy


Koa Whittingham a,b,n
a
Queensland Cerebral Palsy and Rehabilitation Research Centre, The University of Queensland, Level 7, Block 6, RBWH, Herston, Brisbane, 4029, Australia
b
School of Medicine and the School of Psychology, The University of Queensland, Brisbane, Australia

art ic l e i nf o a b s t r a c t

Article history: The existing parenting literature is dominated by two worldviews: the behavioral worldview and the
Received 11 April 2014 relational/emotional worldview. Points of tension between these worldviews are apparent within the
Received in revised form scientific literature; however, both approaches can be fully incorporated into an evolutionary science
9 February 2015
paradigm including contextual behavioral science. Connect and shape is a parenting meta-strategy that
Accepted 17 March 2015
combines behavioral and the relational/emotional strategies into a single parent–child interaction. The
elements of connect and shape are not new. What is new is the combination of parental responsiveness/
Keywords: emotion coaching and behavioral parenting strategies into a single, clearly elucidated meta-strategy that
Parenting can be easily incorporated into parenting intervention.
Attachment
& 2015 Association for Contextual Behavioral Science. Published by Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Responsiveness
Meta-emotion
Contextual behavioral science

1. Connect and shape combined with parental emotion coaching strategies, the tension
between the two worldviews was managed by arguing that parental
The scientific literature on parenting is dominated by two responsiveness and emotion coaching are applicable when children
worldviews: the behavioral worldview and the relational/emotional are distressed and engaging in attachment behaviors, whereas parent-
worldview (including attachment theory, meta-emotion theory and ing strategies based in operant theory, including planned ignoring,
emotional responsiveness). There are evidence-based parenting logical consequences and time out, are applicable when the child is
interventions grounded in the behavioral worldview (Patterson, engaging in misbehavior such as non-compliance (Salmon et al., 2014)
1982, 2005; Sanders, 1999, 2008; Sanders, Kirby, Tellegen, & Day, The obvious question, of course, is: what if my child is both distressed
2014) and evidence-based parenting interventions grounded in the and non-compliant? What if my child's attachment behavior, which
relational/emotional worldview (Cohen et al., 1999; Havighurst, includes any behavior aimed at gaining proximity to and nurturance
Harleym, & Prior, 2004; Havighurst, Wilson, Harley, & Prior, 2009; from caregivers (Bowlby, 1988), is also, in a particular interaction,
Hawes & Dadds, 2004), as well as parenting interventions that draw coercive or dysfunctional? Parents too, detect the tension between
from both frameworks (Allen, Timmer, & Urquiza, 2014; Eisenstadt, these two dominant worldviews. Parents have put variations of the
Eyberg, McNeil, &, Newcomb and Funderburk, 1993; Salmon, above questions to me repeatedly, often with considerable anxiety
Dittman, Sanders, Burson, & Hammington, 2014). about their ability to recognize the difference between misbehavior
There are points of tension between these two dominant world- and attachment behavior, and understandably so. In fact, misbehavior
views (Coyne, 2013; Eisenberger & Shanock, 2003; Suchman, Pajulo, co-occurring with significant child distress and/or anger is common,
DeCoste, & Mayes, 2006) and this tension is apparent in many current particularly in preschool age children (i.e. temper tantrums)
controversies within the literature, for example, the debate on parent– (Giesbrecht, Miller, & Muller, 2010; Wakschlag et al. 2012).
infant sleep practices (Douglas & Hill, 2013; Whittingham & Douglas, The points of tension between the behavioral and the relational/
2014). The tension between these two frameworks may even be seen emotional worldviews can be fully resolved, to be point where both
in interventions that attempt to combine them, in the sense that the understandings may be drawn upon simultaneously within a single
two basic worldviews are usually understood as applicable to different parent–child interaction. Philosophically, tensions may be fully resolved
situations, rather than applicable simultaneously in a single parent– by grounding both within the larger worldview of evolutionary science,
child interaction. For example, in a randomized controlled trial of incorporating a contextual behavioral perspective (Coyne, McHugh,
emotion-enhanced Triple P (Positive Parenting Program), Triple P & Martinez, 2011; Coyne & Murrell, 2009; Coyne & Wilson, 2004;
Murrell, Wilson, Drake, & Rogers, 2009; Shea & Coyne, 2011;
n
Whittingham, 2013; Whittingham, Sanders, McKinlay, & Boyd, 2014).
Correspondence address: Queensland Cerebral Palsy and Rehabilitation
Research Centre, Level 7, Block 6, RBWH, Herston, Brisbane 4029, Australia.
Within this larger paradigm, attachment behavior can be under-
Tel.: þ 61 7 3646 5539; fax: þ 61 7 3636 5538. stood as a behavioral class shaped by the operant function of
E-mail address: koawhittingham@uq.edu.au obtaining proximity to and nurturance from caregivers (Mansfield

http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.jcbs.2015.03.002
2212-1447/& 2015 Association for Contextual Behavioral Science. Published by Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
104 K. Whittingham / Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science 4 (2015) 103–106

& Cordova, 2007), and parental responsiveness can be understood and mutual enjoyment in preschool children born preterm (Erickson
as parental caregiving behaviour under the appropriate and appe- et al., 2013). Cognitive, emotional and autonomy support are
titive contextual control of the child's signals (Whittingham, 2014). embedded throughout connect and shape. The specific scaffolding
Further, the ongoing dance between child attachment and parental step of connect and shape may include: prompting specific alter-
caregiving behavioral systems can be understood as a crucial native behaviors, reminding the child about opportunities for rein-
evolutionary solution (Bowlby, 1988); enabling our species to reach forcement within alternative activities, modelling an alternative
adulthood as self-aware and verbal humans after a lengthy and behavior, placing alternative activities within sensory distance or
vulnerable childhood with extensive neurodevelopment occurring reminding the child of parental availability. Within connect and
after birth (Ball, 2009). shape the child's emotional capabilities are understood as developing
Within this larger worldview, focus is brought to the cognitive through interaction with the parent.
processes that may interfere with parental flexibility and respon- Connect and shape is grounded within operant models of parent–
siveness, including cognitive fusion and experiential avoidance. child interaction. In common with planned ignoring, logical conse-
Parents may attempt to control their child's behavior, thoughts or quences or timeout parental reinforcement of the child's misbehavior
feelings, in order to control their own experiences, at the expense of is avoided and alternative behaviors are reinforced (Patterson, 1982).
responsive parenting (Coyne et al., 2011; Coyne & Murrell, 2009; Connect and shape avoids the escalation trap, a pattern of coercive
Shea & Coyne, 2011; Tiwari et al., 2008). Parents may also become interaction in which the behavior of parent or child, or both, becomes
fused with verbal rules, particularly rules functioning as pliance or increasingly coercive, with reinforcement for escalation (Kazdin, 1997;
incorrect, unworkable or untestable tracks, undermining the con- Patterson, 1982). Parental focus on responsive, empathetic, and
textual control of parental caregiving behavior (Whittingham, 2014). accepting parenting increases naturally reinforcing contingencies for
Practically, parents do not need to choose, in a particular parent– adaptive child behaviors. For example, a child who reaches for a hug is
child interaction, between parental responsiveness/emotion coaching immediately hugged, a child who expresses their feelings verbally is
and behavioral parenting strategies. The two can be implemented understood with compassion, and a child who moves on to the next
simultaneously in a single interaction, a flexible parenting meta- activity receives parental attention and joint play.
strategy I am calling connect and shape. The components of connect Connect and shape is focused on the development of a broad and
and shape are not new, what is new is the combining of parental flexible behavioral repertoire in the child. The therapist should work
responsiveness/emotion coaching and behavioral parenting strate- with the parent to identify developmentally relevant behaviors (DRB)
gies into a single, clearly elucidated meta-strategy that can be easily in a similar manner to a therapist identifying clinically relevant
incorporated into parenting intervention. behaviors in a functional analytic psychotherapy (FAP) framework
(Kohlenberg & Tsai, 1991). Parents should be encouraged to identify,
not just the problematic behaviors (DRB1), but also a variety of
2. Key features of connect and shape behaviors which may represent improvements for their particular
child (DRB2). Using an acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)
Connect and shape includes emotion coaching (Gottman, Katz, framework (Hayes, Strosal, & Wilson, 2003) parents can consider the
& Hoover, 1996, 1997). It involves an empathetic and accepting kinds of child behaviors that may represent committed action: “will
response to child emotions, in which emotions are understood as this behavior, performed flexibly in different situations and relation-
opportunities for the child to learn and for the parent and child to ships, help my child to live a rich, meaningful life?” If a child's
achieve greater connection within their relationship. It has been behavior is particularly rigid and inflexible, the parent may choose to
argued that empathetic acceptance on behalf of a therapist reinforce all novel behaviors (Eisenberger & Shanock, 2003). Hence
indirectly increases naturally reinforcing contingencies within the behaviors that a parent may choose to reinforce are dependent
the therapeutic relationship (Kohlenberg & Tsai, 1991) and it is upon the parental functional understanding of their particular child's
likely that this also occurs within parent–child relationships. In behavior. Common specific examples include: expressing emotions
fact, parent acceptance of their child's negative emotions predicts verbally, asking for help and problem solving.
better child emotional regulation (Ramsden & Hubbard, 2002). In Connect and shape requires parental psychological flexibility,
addition, the verbal labelling of child emotions by the parent empathic understanding of their child (Coyne et al., 2007),
increases the child's emotional language skills (Gottman et al., acceptance of their child's emotions (Ramsden & Hubbard, 2002)
1996, 1997;). and defusion from verbal parenting rules (Whittingham, 2014).
Connect and shape is consistent with responsive parenting and ACT should be drawn upon as needed to promote flexible parent-
emotional availability (Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, & Wall, 1978; ing in conjunction with connect and shape.
Biringen, Derscheid, Vliegen, Closson, & Easterbrooks, 2014; Eshel,
Daelmans, Cabral de Mello, & Martines, 2006). The parent remains
within sensory distance and clearly communicates his or her 3. Using connect and shape
emotional availability in response to their child's cues. Parental
empathic understanding is crucial to parental responsiveness and The process of connect and shape is illustrated in Fig. 1. Parents
a necessary component of connect and shape (Coyne, Low, Miller, can be taught the process of connect and shape step by step, with
Seifer, & Dickstein, 2007). Through connect and shape the parent the flowchart as an aid if desired. The components of connect and
aims to meet their child's emotional needs. shape are not new, hence, the existing intervention literature
Connect and shape includes parental scaffolding, that is, the should be drawn upon as relevant to teach each of the individual
parent provides guidance, support and encouragement in order to skills used as well as to support the cultivation of parental
enable their child to perform behaviors that their child is currently psychological flexibility and empathic understanding.
incapable of performing alone, in a manner that is sensitive to the
ongoing development of their child (Biringen et al., 2014; Clark,
Menna, & Mansel, 2012). Scaffolding may involve simplifying the task 4. Example of connect and shape in action
so that the child is capable of performing it, or it may serve as a
discriminative stimulus indicating the availability of reinforcement For illustrative purposes, this is an example of a parent–child
for specific behaviors. Parental scaffolding predicts social skills in interaction using connect and shape. This example is not based on
preschool children (Clark et al., 2012) as well as emotional regulation specific real people; it is a realistic amalgamation. Connect and
K. Whittingham / Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science 4 (2015) 103–106 105

Reflect
Reflect your child’s emotion and/or wish with
acceptance (hint: “You are feeling…” “You
wish…” “You want…”)
Examples: “You wish you could go to the park
right now. That is disappointing.”
“I can see that you are feeling angry”

Scaffold
Make it as easy as possible for your child to do
something adaptive (hint: remind your child of
your availability or of alternative activities or
behaviors, or place alternative activities within
sensory distance or model alternative behaviors)
Examples: “If you’d like a hug, I’m right here.”
“If you’d like help, just ask.” If child performs an
adaptive behavior
Parent may recognise additional (any behaviour that is
opportunities to scaffold an improvement for
your child)
Watch and Wait
Remain within sensory distance without
responding to misbehavior. Show acceptance and
empathy nonverbally. Wait for an adaptive
behaviour.

Reinforce
Ensure any adaptive behaviors receive
immediate reinforcement.
Example: Child reaches for a hug,
parent hugs her
Child communicates verbally, parent
listens with compassion

Fig. 1. Process of connect and shape.

shape is a flexible and may appear very different in form within Charlotte continues screaming and begins to cry as well.
different parent–child interactions. Rebecca: “You're feeling sad?” Reflect
Rebecca is the mother of a two-year-old daughter, Charlotte. Charlotte nods, still screaming and crying and buries her head
Rebecca reports that Charlotte can be well behaved, but is also “a into the couch.
sensitive soul” who has “temper tantrums” and “emotional melt- Rebecca: “Did you want to build a bigger tower? Wasn't it
downs” several times a week. Rebecca is confused about how she working?” Reflect
should respond to Charlotte's “meltdowns”. On one hand, she Charlotte: “Yes!”
believes that Charlotte is genuinely experiencing significant dis- Charlotte continues screaming and crying. Rebecca sits on the
tress at these times and wants to respond to her distress with couch next to Charlotte.
compassion. On the other hand, she wants to encourage Charlotte Rebecca: “I'm here for you. Just let me know if there's anything
to develop more effective and appropriate ways to behave when I can do to help, like give you a hug.” Scaffolding
distressed. Rebecca is worried that if she responds to Charlotte's Charlotte continues to scream and to cry with her head buried
“tantrums” by comforting her, she will accidentally reinforce the in the couch. Rebecca continues to sit next to Charlotte. Rebecca's
behavior. Yet, she does not feel comfortable using time out or body language is open and accepting. She does not respond. This
planned ignoring because she is convinced that Charlotte is highly continues for two minutes. Watch and wait
distressed during “temper tantrums”, explaining her reluctance Charlotte: “Mommy, I wanna cuddle!” Adaptive behavior
with “I know she needs me”. Rebecca is taught the meta-strategy Rebecca: “Of course.”
connect and shape and puts it into action: Rebecca throws her arms around Charlotte. Natural reinforce-
While setting the table for dinner, Rebecca notices that Char- ment of adaptive behavior
lotte suddenly stops playing with her blocks, throws several blocks Charlotte stops screaming but she continues to cry in Rebecca's
across the room, runs from the dining room into the lounge room arms. Rebecca continues to hold her without speaking. Charlotte's
while screaming loudly, and throws herself on the couch. She crying begins to settle and after one minute, she stops. After two
continues screaming. Charlotte is clearly highly distressed. minutes, Charlotte lifts her head back up and smiles tentatively at
Rebecca walks into the lounge room. Rebecca. Rebecca smiles back.
Rebecca: “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Rebecca: “I'd be happy to help build the tower if you like. Just
Charlotte: “No!” let me know.” Scaffolding
106 K. Whittingham / Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science 4 (2015) 103–106

Charlotte: “Yes, please! Help me, mommy.” Adaptive behavior regulation in toddlers born preterm and full term. Early Human Development,
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