: “_Argan’s day-room at his home in Paris. Argan'is seated at a table, checking with counters an itemized bill from his apothecary. “ST ARGAN —— E Three plus two is five, and five is ten, and ten-is.twenty.| Let me-see, (Reading fron{ the bill) 2 “Also, on the twenty-fourth, one small preparatory enema to refresh the gentleman's bowels. ae Llike about you, Monsieur Fleurant, is that your bills are always so delicate. ... “Refresh the gentleman's bowels~ thirty sous”. Well, delicacy isn’t everything, Fleurant; it’s no excuse for fleecing a poor invalid. Thirty sous! Hau used to charge me twenty, and everybody knows that when an apothecary asks twenty sous, his medicine is worth only ten, so let's call it ten sous" “Also, the evening of the aforesaid day, one hepatic potion to induce the gentleman to sleep.” I won't quibble; it did put me to sleep. So let's give vou ten, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen and a half sous. “Also on the twenty-fifth, one rejuvenating tonic to-evacuate the gentleman’s bile, compounded according to Doctar 7 Purgon’s prescription~-four francs.” Oh, come now, Fleurant! You know a damn well Purgon didn’t prescribe four francs! Why don’t we say three? Fine! T'll pay one and a half. “Aiso, the twenty-sixth, one expurgative : enema to discharge the gentleman's wind--thirty sous/’”. Make it ten. "Also, the twenty-seventh, one enema identical to the above~thirty sous.” : Damn it, I said ten, Fleurant! “Also, the same day one preventative medicatian-five francs.” For pity’s sake, Fleurant, at those prices who can Afford to be sick? Call it four, and I'll give you two. Let's see... that's 1 twenty, forty sous. Total for the month: sixty-three francs, four and a half sous Then, this month I've had one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight doses of medicine and one, two three, four, five, six, seven, eight, ning, ten, eleven, twelve enemas. Jesse month I had twelve medicines and twenty enemas. No wonder I'm hot feeling as well this month! (Calls out) Toinette. Come along now, take all this stuff away! , (Sees that no one is coming to heed his command) Hey? No one there? They're always someplace else when you need them. | ‘Page 1The Imaginary Invalid + Act 1 (Rings a bell on his table) This bell is defective (Rings the bell again but assists it vocally) Ting-a-ling. Ting-a-ling. Anyone coming? Ting-e-ling, ting-aling, Are you deaf? Toinette! Ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling. Can't you hear me ringing? Ring! Ring! Damn it! (Throws bell away) Ring! Ring’ Ring! Are you going to leave a poor invalid all alone in agony? Ring! Ring! Don’t you have a speck of pity in your miserable heart? Ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling! My God, she’s left me here to die! Ring! Ring! Ring! 12 - The Betrothal : TOINETTE (Of-stage) Coming! (Enter Toinette) ABGAN Ah, you hussy! You wretch! | TOINETTE Devil take your impatience! [You made me rush so fast to get here that I slipped and bumped my head. ARGAN (In a rage) You lazy good-for-nothing! TOINETTE {lhterrupting him) ‘Oh! ARGAN It’s been. if TOINETTE Oh! ARGAN It’s been a whole hour. . . TOINETTE Oh! ARGAN That you've left me. age?‘The Imaginary Invalid « Act f TOINETTE On! ARGAN Be quiet, so can scold you! TOINETTE How can you think of scolding me when I’m in such pain? ARGAN You've made me shout myself hoarse, hussy! TOINETTE Well, you've made me crack my skullbut I won't complain if you won't ARGAN You won't. . TOINETTE If you scold me again, I'll cry! ARGAN You left me alone. . TOINETTE (Again interrupting him) Oh! ARGAN Damn it! Can't I even have the satisfaction of scolding you? TOINETTE Goon. I don’t care ARGAN f How can I? You interrupt me every time I start to speak! TOINETTE Well, if you're going to have the satisfaction of scolding me, it's only fair for me to have the satisfaction of crying. (Sobs bitterly) ee All right! Forget it! [Take all this stuff away! (He gives her the bills and counters. She starts to leave.) Oh, was my enema effective this morning? TOINETTE What? Page 3The Imaginary Invalid » Act I ARGAN My enema. Did I void enough bile? Actually, sir, had no curiosity ACEI ou beter get an opinion from your apothecary, Monsieur F See that the water's kept warm. I’m due to have another soon. TOINETTE Fleurant and Dr. Purgon are certainly inventive! I've never seen an illness that required so many remedies. AGAN Quiet! It’s not for you to question a doctor's orders. Call my daughter. 1 have something to tell her. (Enter Angelique) TOINETT: Here she comes without calling. ARGAN Come here, Angelique. You've arrived just in time. I want to speak to you. ANGELIQUE Certainly, Father. ARGAN Wait (To Toinette) Give me my cane. I'll be back ina minute. / TOINETTE Monsieur Fleurant’s enemas do give you a lot of good exercise, don’t they? (Exit again) ANGELIQUE Toinette TOINETTE What? Page 4‘The Imaginary Invalid © Act 1 ANGELIQUE Look at me. TOINETTE T'm looking. ANGELIQUE Toinette! TOINETTE What? ANGELIQUE Can you guess what I want to talk about? TOINETTE Well... could it be your lover? ANGELIQUE Why didn’t you mention him right away and spare me the embarrassment of bringing up the subject? \ TOINETTE You're so eager, you never give me time ANGELIQUE ‘Yes, I admit it. I never tire of talking about him. But let’s have a Teal talk, Toinette. Tell me, do you disapprove of him? TOINETTE No. ANGELI : Am I wrong to feel for him as I do? TOINETTE No. ANGELIQU, Don't you think there wes something mysterious, something of destiny in the way we first met? TOINETTE Yes. Page 5‘Tie Imaginary Invalid + Ace 1 J And the way he defended me when we had never even seen each other before, wasn't it positively heroic? TOINETTE Yes. ANGELIQUE He's handsome, isn’t he, Toinette? TOINETTE Yes. ANGELIQUE He writes beautifully, too, doesn’t he? TOINETTE ‘Yes. ANGELI Could anything be more cruel than my father’s decision to choose my husband for me? TOINETTE No AN J But do you think Cleante really loves me? - TOINETTE Well, sometimes it’s wise to be a little cautious, : ANGENQUE oinette, what are you trying to tell me?SHe couldn’t be deceiving me-- utd he? i ; TOINE r TE Well, yesterday he wrote that he was going to ask for your hand in marriage; that should indicate something ANGELIQUE Toinette, if he deceives me, I'll never trust another man! (Enter Argan) Page 6 ‘Page 7 ‘Tie Imaginary Invalid + Act 1 ARGAN Well, child, 1 have Sone news for you, as I said. A little surprise, you might call ey certai gentleman has asked for your hand in marriage. What's this? Yo ? Yes, it’s a jolly word, “marriage.” There's not a more delightful prospect Yor a young girl, I suppose. Ah, dear old Mother narure! Well, I can see, daughter, that I hardly need ask if you want to be married. I shall be happy, Father, to do anything you ask of me. ARGAN - Im delighted to find that I have such a dutiful daughter. Well, it’s settled then. (I've already promised you to him. | ANGELIQUE Then. . it's settled! ARGAN Your stepmother had wanted me to send you into a nunnery. The dear Sweet woman has had her heart set on it for some time. TOINETTE Dear, sweet woman. ARGAN So she was reluctant to consent to the matriage, but | stood firm, and now my pledge has been given ANGELIQUE Father, I can never repay your kindness. TOINETTE 'm proud of you, sir. This is the wisest thing you've done in your whole life, in my opinion. ARGAN Thaven’t seen the gentleman, as yet, but I’m told we'll find him completely satisfactory, ANGELIQUE I'm sure of it, Father. ARGAN Oh? Have you seen him?‘The Imaginary Invalid + Act 1 A Since you've consented to the marriage, I can share my secret with yout We met by chance six days ago, and the proposal you have accepted is the result of a powerful attraction that we felt for each other at first sight. ARGAN They didn’t tell me about that but so much the better. They say he’s a fine young lad. ANGELIQUE He is. ARGAN ] Talli, they say. A ELIQUE | Oh, yes. i ABRGAN Striking in appearance. ANGELIQUE Very. | | ARGAN Courteous. ANGELIQUE Extremely. ARGAN Courageous. ANGELIQUE The bravest man in Paris! y ARGAN Speaks Latin perfectly, and Greek. ANGELIQUE 1 I didn’t know that. ARGAN ss his degree as a doctor in three days. i ANGELIQUE Page dThe imaginary Invalid » Act 1 ARGAN Yes. Didn’t you know? ANGELIQUE No. Who told you that? ARGAN Doctor Purgon. ANGELIQUE Does Doctnr Purgon know him? ie ARGAN That's a fine question! I should hope he knows him. The boy’s his nephew, ANGELIQUE Cleante is Doctor Purgon’s nephew? ARGAN Cleante? We were discussing the young man who's asked to marry you, weren't we? ELI Yes. ARGAN Well, the nephew of Doctor Purgon is the son of Doctor Purgon’s brother- in-law, who is also a doctor--Doctor Diafoirus-~and Doctor Diafoirus’s son, who is also going to become a doctor in three days, is named Thomas Diafoirus, and not Cleante! We agreed on the terms of the marriage contract this morning--Doctor Purgon, Monsieur Fleurant, and myself-- and tomorrow your new fiancé is to be brought here by his father to meet us, What's the matter. You look sick. , ANGELIQUE T've just discovered, Father, that you've been speaking about someone else, that is, not the person [assumed you meant. TOINETTE Sir, would you really do this? Imean, can’t you afford the young doctor's services without marrying vour daughter to him? ARGAN What business is it of yours? Page 9‘The Imaginary Invalid » Act 1 TOINETTE Good Lord! Calm down. Surely we can discuss the matter rationally, without flying into a rage, After all, we're mature adults, aren’t we? Now, Till ask you a simple, direct question, and you can answer it simply and directly. All right? Why do you want your daughter to marry a doctor? Simple. I have an illness that requires constant attention. With a son-in- law who’s a member of the medical profession, I can be assured of receiving the proper care. TOINETTE - Well! You see how pleasant it is to carry on a calm, dignified discussion? Now, I'll ask you another question: cross your heart, six) are you really sick? ARGAN Am I sick? What do you mean, you slut? TOINETTE OF course, you're sick, sir; I won't dispute that. You're very sick. However, your daughter is not sick, so she doesn’t need a doctor for a husband, ARGAN The doctor is for me! And a dutiful daughter should be delighted to marry 0 as to keep her father healthy. INETT: You have an.answer for every argument! {However, setting our little friendly debate aside/\would you like me to give you a bit of friendly advice? . ARGA, ‘i What is it? : TOINETTE You can forget this marriage. RGAN Oh, is that so? Why, pray tell? TOINETTE Because your daughter won't consent to it ARGAN She won't? Page 10al ‘The Imaginary Invalid + Act 1 TOINETTE No. ARGAN My daughter? TQINETTE Your daughter. She'll tell you plainly that she wants no part of Doctor Diafoirus, nor of his son Thomas Diaforius, nor of any other Disfoiruses. Besides, it's a better match than you might think. Thomas is Doctor Diafoitus’ only son and heir. Also, since Doctor Purgon has no children, he will bequeath his entire fortune to You and Thomas; and Doctor Purgon is a man with an income of eight thousand francs a year. E Sir, all that is well and good; but I still say she’s not cut out to be Madame Diafoirus. ARGAN. Well, I say she’s got to marry him. TOINETTE Really, sir. You shouldn't say that. ARGAN Oh, no? TOINETTE No. ABGAN Why not? TOINETTE Because you seally don’t mean it ARGAN Oh, yes Ido! She's going to keep the promise I've made TOINETTE Oh, no, she won't. ‘Page 12The Imaginary invalid + Act 1 ABGAN : I'll make her. TOINETTE But she won't do it. ARGAN She will, or I'll put her in a convent! TOINETTE You? ARGAN Met TO. TT! Bosh! ARGAN What do you mean, “Bosh”? TOINETTE You won't put her in a convent, ARGAN T won't put her in a convent? TOINET: No. ARGAN That's what you think! TOINETTE That's what I think. i ARGAN I won't put my daughter into a convent? TOINETTE That's right ARGAN Who's going to stop me? TOINETTE You are, Page 12The Imaginary Invalid * Act 1 ARGAN Tam? TOINETTE You won't have the heart tn do it. ARGAN Oh, yes, I will. TOINETTE You're teasing ARGAN T'm not teasing. TOINETTE You're too soft-hearted to do it. ARGAN. I'm not soft-hearted. TOINETTE A few tears, her arms around your neck... she whispers, “Dear Papa, please”, ... that’s all it would take. ABGA It wouldn't sway me in the least. TOINET: Oh, yes, it would. ARGAN J tell you, I won't back down. I’m firm as a rock! TOINETTE Piffle! ARGAN What do you mean, “Piffle”? TOINET? Lord, I know you, sir! You're the kindest, sweetest man in the world ARGA I am not! Page 3‘Te Imaginary invalid + Act 1 TOINETTE Easy, sir! Don’t forget how sick you are. | | | For the last time? I command her to marry the man I’ve chosen. IOINETTE I refuse to let her do anything of the sort. ARGAN Who do you think you are? You wretched slut? Servants don’t taik to their masters like that? TOINETTE | It’s a servant's duty to keep a master from doing stupid things. ARGAN (Running after Toinette) Impertinent hussy! 1'll beat you to a bloody pulp! TOINETTE (Evades him by placing the chair in his path) Y'm just trying to keep you from making a fool of yourself ARGAN (Running around the chair after her, waving his cane) Come here! I'll teach you how to talk to your master! TOINETTE I simply want to save your reputation, sir. ARGAN Wretch! TOINETTE It's for your own good. ARGAN Fiend! Angelique, help me stop this hussy! ANGELIQUE Calm down, Father. You might make yourself ill ARGAN If you don’t help me get her, I'll disown you! Page 141 The Imaginary Invalid « Act 1 And if she listens to you, I'll never forgive her! (Exit Toinette, taking Angelique with her) A (Throws himself into his chair) Aagh! [can’t take any more of this! I’m dying! Murderers! 3+ Argan’s Loving Wife (Enter Beline) ~ ARGAN Ah, my dear wife, help me! BELINE What is it, poor boy? ARGAN Comfort me! BELIN, What's the matter, my little pet? ARGAN My life! BELINE My love! ARGAN She put me in such a temper! BELINE / Oh, no! Poor dear! Tell me all about it. ARGAN That coquette Toinette has gone too far this time.... She’s a devil! BELINE Not, don’t upset yourself. . ARGAN She nearly drove me mad! BELIN: Calm down, dear. Page 15Tie Imaginary Invalid + Act ARGAN She contradicted everything I said! BELINE There, there Ri She had the gall to say I’m not sick! BELINE She's a dreadful girl! ARGAN And you know how horribly sick I am. BELINI Of course, It was horrid of her to say that ARGAN She'll be the death of me! BELINE There, now! ARGAN She's the cause of all that bile! BELIN! Now, don’t get so angry, dear. ARGON I don’t know how many times I've told you to dismiss her! I But all servants have their faults, my pet. These days one is forced to endure their bed qualities for the sake of their good ones. Toinette, after all, is hardworking and honest. The servant situation is so vile that it would be alinost impossible for me to improve on her. Let me speak to her. (Calis) Toinette! Come in here, please! TOINETTE Madame. Page 16The Imaginary invalid + Act I BELINE Why did you upset my poor husband so? TOINETTE (Sweetly) I, Madame? I can’t imagine what you mean. I always do my best to please Monsieur Argan. ARGAN Oh! Liar! TOQINETTE He told me that he wanted Angelique to marry the son of Doctor Diaforius, and I said the match would be a very good one. [ also said [ thought it would be better to send her to a convent. BELINE Well, there’s no great harm in that answer. (To Argan) I agree with her. ARGAN Don’t listen to her! She's a wretched, wily wench! And a liar! BELINE Ibelieve you, my love. Sit down. Listen to me, Toinette. If you ever annoy my husband again, I'll send you packing. Now get his cushions, so I can make him more comfortable. 'don’t know how you bear it like that, dear. Pull your cap tight around your ears--nothing will make you ill faster than letting the draft into vour ears. ARGAN Ah, my love, I can never repay you for taking such good care of me. 7 BELINE (Arranging the cushions around Argan) Lift up a little, so I can put this under you. And this one for you to lean on, and this one the other side. Now, let's put this one behind your back, and this one... here... to rest your head on. OINETTE (Putting a cushion over his head) And this one to keep off the dew. Page 17j The Imaginary Invalid + Act 1 (Rising in a rage, he tosses all the cushions at Toinette as he runs ‘out of the room) Hussy! You tried to suffocate me! BELINE Oh, there, there, there! What's the matter, dear? ARGAN (Sinking into his chair) I can’t take another minute of her! BELINE Don’t be upset. She meant no harm. ARGAN My love, you don’t know how malicious the little devil is! She’s wrecked my constitution completely! She's set my recovery back a year, at least! BELINE There, there, my darling boy, rest easy now. ARGAN Sweetheart, you are my only consolation. BELINE Poor little pet. ARGAN Your love for me can’t be repaid, but I'd like to show you, in some small measure, how much I appreciate vou. I'm going to make over my will entirely to you BELINE Oh, please! Shh. The very thought of (Shudders) The word “will” sends chills down my spine ARGAN 1 asked you to speak to your notary friend about the will. Did you? ves e's in the next room; would you like to see him? ARGAN Tell him to come right in, my love Page 18‘The Imaginary Invalid + Act 1 BELINE I'm so nervous! When one loves her husband as much as I do, one can‘t help feeling a certain distress when one considers the possibility of... you know, 14 - The Notary (She signals to Monsieur Bonnefol. He enters.) ARGAN Come in, Monsieur Bonnefoi. Be seated, sir. My wife tells me that you're a very honest fellow . .. for a lawyer. (A little joke) > That's why I sent her to speak to you about the will I want drawn up. BELINE My love, I really couldn't bring myself to discuss . ., you know, BONNEFO! She did manage to explain roughly your intention, sir-what you had planned to do for her, that is\| However, I must inform you, sit, that you are not free to leave any bequést whatsoever to your wife. ARGAN Why the devil not? BONNEFO! Common law forbids it. Of course, if you resided in a province governed by statute law, it could be done; but here in Paris, where common law prevails, it is not allowed; and any such testament would be declared null and void: Husband and wife in these domains are considered to be solely responsible to their offspring, and they must not benefit each other in any way if they have children, ARGAN Well, that may be common, but it’s adamn silly law! {’m going to consult my own lawyer. BONNEFO! Oh, there’s no point in that, sir. 'He’s certain to be unsympathetic in a case like this--he's devilishly scrupulous, you know. Phere are other lawyers, however, who are a great deal more understafidifig and humane. Yes, the right man could show you how to elude the clutches of this meddlesome common law. One has to know a few legal loopholes; otherwise, one could scarcely take a single profitable step without risking prison, could one? In my opinion, sir, that is the very reason my profession was created Page 19The Imaginary invalid + Act 1 ABRGAN My wife's estimation was correct, sir; you are an extremely clever gentleman. Pray, tell me~-what can I do to be sure my wealth goes to my wife and not to those ungrateful children of mine? BONNEFO/ Well, you could select some close friend of your wife to whom you could bequeath, as is permitted by law, all your wealth excepting the minimum children’s portion. Upon your demise, the friend would of course return the money to your wife. You could also, at anytime, pass on to her any ready cash you have on hand re’s no need to worry about it! Without you, my pet, I Good Lord, th wouldn’t want to go on. ARGAN Sweetheart! BELINE Yes, my love, if Fate should take you from me. ARGAN My darling! BELINE Life would mean nothing to me! ARGAN My love! BELINE I would follow you into the next world to prove my love for you ARGAN , Dearest, you're breaking my heart! Don’t cry, please! BONNEFO! (To Beline) Your tears are out of season, Madame. The gentleman's not dead yet BELINE Alas, sir, you don’t know what it means to have such a kind, loving, generous husband Page 20The Imaginary Invalid » Act 1 ARGAN If I die, my sweet, my greatest regret will be that I had no child by you. Dr. Purgon promised he’d make me capable again, but there's still no proof. BONNEFO! Be patient, sir. It may yet come to pass, ARGAN Well, I'll make out my will in the way the gentleman has suggested. Perhaps he'll consent to be the beneficiary in your behalf. But just to be safe, my love, I want to give you twenty thousand francs in gold that I have hidden in a panel in the closet and two bills that are payable to the bearer, one from Monsieur Damon and the other from Gerante. BELINE No, no! I couldn’t touch them! ... How much did you say was in the closet? ARGAN Twenty thousand. Don’t say another word about money!... How much are the two bills worth? ARGAN One is for four thousand, sweetheart; the other, six All the wealth in the world, my pet, could never equal your worth to me! BONNEFO! (To Argan) Shall we get to work on the will? : ARGAN Right away, sir, We'll find more privacy in my study, My love, will you be kind enough to help me there? BELINE Poor little pet. (Exeunt Argan, Beline and Bonnefoi. Enter Toinette and Angelique.) TOINETTE They were in here with a notary, talking about a will. Your stepmother never misses a trick. Page 21‘The Imaginary Invalid + Act 1 Let him toss his wealth away, if he likes, so long as he doesn’t discard my ia too! Toinette, you’ve got to help me! he el Map poiverte rt ig what I cart ButLgaay have to change my fetes} If you hear me agreeing with éverything your father or your stepmotHer says, remember: I'm only doing my duty as a spy. My true allegiance is always to Angelique! ANGELIQUE Can you get word to Cleante about this horrid marriage Father's planned? oe et, ANA + TOINETTE cx the oflg:mesdenger I know who can be imisted is the old moneylender, Polchinelle. He dotes on me,and it¥acost me some sickening endearments to get him to do it, but for you au price. BELINE (Calls off-stage) Toinette! TOINETTE Duty calls. Good night. Sleep well, and leave it all to me (Exeunt Toinette and Angelique) END AC’ “Page 22: Se. The same room as in Act |, the following day. Cleante, who has been admitted by servants downstairs, is moving stealthily through the house in search of Angelique, He is dressed as a music master. He stops in the hall, looks into the empty room, then enters it. A moment later, Toinetie, passing through the hall sees, the “stranger’ from behind. 21 - The Music Master ‘OINET: What do you want, sir? CLEANTE (Tums, sees Toinette) Can’t you guess? TOINETTE (Recognizing him) Oh! Monsieur Cleante! Why on earth have you come here? CLEANTE T got your message. I've come to see Angelique. / E It won't be quite that simple. You know how strict her father is. It was only through the pleading of her aunt that we were permitted to go to the theatre the day you met her. . ANTE Yes, but I'm not here as Cleante, her lover. i'm the friend of her music master; and, as he’s unavailable, I’m here to lake his place. TOINETTE (Hearing noise off) Her father! Quick! Step out, and I'll announce you (Exit Cleante, Enter Argan) Page 23,The Imaginary Invalid + Act I Gi Let's see! Doctor Purgon said I should walk in my room for exercise, He says (Producing a slip of paper) “Traverse your chamber twelve times from wall to wall and twelve times returning.” Doesn't say which wall. (Starts walking) IOQINETTE Sir, there's a gentleman. . . ARGAN Not so loud! You might give mea concussion! Don’t you know you should speak softly in the presence of an invalid? TOINETTE Tonly wanted to say, sir ARGAN. Shh. Softly. ETT! Sir. (Pretending to speak without making a sound) ARGAN What? TOINETTE I said. (Same business) ARGAN What did you say? / TOINETTE (Loudty) There’s a man here who wants to see you! ARGAN (Shouts) Well, let him in! (Toinette shows Cleante in, Argan continues pacing.) Page 24‘The Imaginary Invalid + Act IT CLEANTE fas IOINETTE Sir, not so loud. You might give him a concussion. Ti Sir, I'm delighted to see that you’re feeling better. TOINETTE (Pretending to be angry) “Peeling beter”? Monsieur Azgan feels the same as always-awfull ‘LEANT! You certainly look well today, sir. . NI What are you talking about? Monsieur Argan looks terrible. He's never felt worse in his life! ARGAN She's right. TOINETTE Just because he can walk about and eat and drink and sleep like other people, that doesn’t mean he’s a healthy man! ARGAN True CLEANTE Siz, am extremely sorty to find you in such ill health. I’ve come here on behalf of the music master to give your daughter her singing lesson, He's found it necessary to leave town on business for a few days; and, since I'm his colleague, he’s asked me to take his place today so Hat she may continue her instruction without interruption. ARGAN Verv well. {To Toinette) Call Angelique TOINETTE Wouldn’t it be simpler, sir, for me to conduct the gentleman to her room? ARGAN No, No. a Page 25‘Te Imaginary Invalid « Act 11 TOINETTE ’ But a singing lesson should be given in private, sir. ABGAN No. Here! But it is sure to annoy you, sir. Twouldn’t want anything to upset you in your delicate condition. . . ARGAN No, no, no! [like music. It will be soothing. (Enter Angelique) Ah, here she is! (To Toinette) Go and see if my wife is dressed yet. Tell her I expect our callers soon. (Exit Toinette) Come here, daughter. Your music master it out of town, so he’s sent this gentleman in his place. NGELI (Recognizing Cleante) Good heavens! ARGAN What's the matter? ANGELIQUE Nothing, Father. It's just... a startling coincidence. ARGAN What is? ANGELIQUE é You see, I dreamed last night that I was in terrible danger, and suddenly someone who bore a remarkable resemblance to this gentleman appeared. I begged him to come to my aid, and he did. He saved me.... 1 was simply shocked to see heré, in person, the very image that had occupied my mind all night. CLEANTE Mademoiselle, I am honored to have a place in your thoughts, sleeping or awake; and, believe me, if you were now in danger, nothing could stop me from attempting to rescue you. (Enter Toinette) Page 26‘Te Imaginary Invalid » Act IT TOINETT! (To Argan) Siz, I'm on your side now. I take back everything I said. Doctor Diafoirus Senior just arrived with Doctor Diafoirus Junior, and may I be pickled if Junior isn’t just the soa-in-law you deserve! I guarantee the sight of him will leave your daughter speechless ARGAN (To Cleante) You may stay here sir. The gentleman who's come calling is my daughter’s fiancé. This will be the first time they've met. CLEANTE I'm greatly flattered, sir, that you permit me to be a party to such a tender domestic scene. ARGAN He's the son of a fine physician, and they're to be married within the week. CLEANTE Charming! OINETTE Here they come! > The Diafoiru (Enter Doctor Diafoiriis and his son Thomas) (Touching his cap, but not removing it) You must forgive me, sir. Doctor Purgon has ordered me never to uncover my head. But you are of the profession and, no doubt, appreciate his concern. DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS Of course. We understand. Doctors never require formality at 1 of an invalid’s health expense (Argan and Doctor Diafoirus speak at the same time) ARGAN Jam honored, sir. TOR AUS We come here, sir. Page 27Te Imaginary Invalid + Act I ARGAN Fi ‘And immensely pleased DOCTOR DiAFORIUS ~My son Thomas and I-- ARGAN To receive you in my home. . . IR DIA To convey to you... ARGAN And I only wish. DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS Our sincere and heartfelt gratitude. ARGAN Thad been able to visit you in yours... DOCTOR DIAFORIUS For the kindness you have sown ARGAN To conduct our business in the proper manner. DOCTOR DIAFORIUS By offering to you. ABGAN But you are doubtless aware, sir Di NAFORIUS The singular privilege. . . , ARGAN That a poor invalid has certain limitations. DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS Of entering into an alliance with your family. ARGAN And I must, therefore, be content. . DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS And; in all sincerity, we assure you Page 28| | The Imaginary Invalid + Act I ARGAN With receiving you here. . . DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS That whenever you have need of our profession. ABGAN But, rest assured, in every way Ican. . DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS We stand always ready, sir.. ARGAN Tl be completely at your service. DOCTOR DIAFORIUS To place our skills entirely at your service. (To his son) Now, Thomas, step forward. Pay your respects. TH DI RU: (To Doctor Diaféirus) Is it traditional to begin with the father? DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS THOMAS DIAFOIRUS (To Argan) Siz, I come to greet, acknowledge, cherish and revere you as a second father~but a second father to whom, I venture to say, | am more beholding than my first. My first father engendered me, but you have chosen me He accepted me as his son out of personal generosity. [t was merely his body that shaped a son out of me, but now your will hgs conferred upon me the same distinction; and, as the intellectual faculties are more to be prized than the physical faculties, I prize more highly my new-found parentage in you. Accordingly, [ hold most precious the future affiliation between us, in sign of which esteem I come today to render to you in advance my very humble and respectful homage. TOINETT! Education is a wonderful things, isn’t it? Yes. ‘OM, JAFOIR. (To Doctor Diatoirus} Was that all right, Father PageThe Imaginary Invalid » Act 11 DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS Optime! ABGAN (To Angelique) Come along, greet the gentleman. THOMAS DIAFOIRI Kiss her? DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS You may 101 DIAFOH Madame, though ancient usage would have me hail you as my future mother-in-law. ABGAN That's not my wife; that’s my daughter. THOMAS DIAFOIRUS Where is your wife? ARGAN She'll be here soon. THOMAS DIAFOIRUS Should I wait, Father? DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS No. You may proceed to pay your respects to the young lady. MAS DIAFOIR. My dear young lady. Just as itis reported that the statuesof Memnon produced a completely harménious vibration when exposed to the sun's beams, even so, | feel myself moved to transports of sweet delight as I now behold the radiant sunlight of your charms. And, in similar figure, as Natural Science notes that the flower referred to as “heliotrope” turns ever toward the morning star, my heart henceforth shall also turn endlessly toward the resplendent stars that shine in your entrancing eyes. Thus, permit me, my dear young lady, today at the altar of your exquisite graces the humble offering of my unworthy heart which beats and strives for no higher glory than to be for life, ony dear young lady, your very humble, most obedient, and ever-faithful menial and mate. Page 30| | | ‘The Imaginary Invalid + Act 11 ARGAN (To Cleante) What do you think of that? GLEANTE Amazing. ARGAN Well, shall be sit? CHairs-foFeveryone. _ (Toinstte arranges the chairs) Sit there, Angelique. (To Doctor Diaforius) You can see, sir, what a fine impression your son nas made on all of us. You must take great pride in the boy. ta S Sir, even setting aside my parental prejudice, I think I may say that [ have good reason to be proud of him. Indeed, all who hear him speak proclaim that he’s a lad without a trace of cunning or malevolence. Of course, my son has never possessed a lively imagination or the sprightly wit you sometimes note in young people--but that’s the very reason I have always prophesied that he would develop a talent for the practice of medicine, When he was a little boy he was never very bright or clever. No, he was sweet and silent, perpetually pacified! It was only with the greatest difficulty that we were able to teach him to read; at the age of nine he was still in the process of mastering the alphabet. “Good,” I said to myself, “late-blooming trees bear the finest fruit.” And again I said, “Engraving on a block of marble is mote difficult than writing in the sand, but the message lasts a great while longer!” When I sent him to the university, he found his studies extremely arduous, yet he persevered in the face of every obstacle. Like a blacksmith at his anvil, he hammered out his work and at last achieved the distinction of graduating with highest honors. And I can say in utter modesty that during the two years he’s been at his advafced studies, no one at the Medical College has spoken longer or more loudly in the debates than he has. He's a regular tiger at disputation. He never recants a single one of his opinions; he pursued his opponent into the most devious recesses of logic and batters him like a Turk with syllogisms tll he relents. But what pleases me above all in my son is that he follows in my footsteps in his unswerving devotion to the Classical Code of Medicine. He absolutely refuses to listen to any of these “modern theoties”--you know--circulating blood, that sort of thing. THOMAS DIAFOIRUS (Producing a huge scroll which he offers to Angelique) Page 3iune imaginary srvaua * “Acts Thave composed a little thesis against the circulationists which, with the gentleman's permission, (Bowing to Argan) I make bold to present to the young lady. It is the first fruit of my intellect ANGELIQUE Sir, I fear I wouldn’t know what to do with your paper. I know nothing of these things. INET: (Taking the scroll) Take it! A good thesis is always a handy thing to have around the house. THOMAS _DIAFOIRUS (Bowing to Argan again) Also, with the permission of the gentleman, I extend to the young lady my most cordial invitation to attend next Wednesday my lecture which will accompany the dissection of a female corpse. TOW T! Lucky girl! ARGAN (To Doctor Diafoirus) No doubt, sir, you intend to introduce this fine lad to the nobility and have him made @ Court Physician. DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS Frankly, sir, I've never been attracted by the idea of practicing among the nobility. It is more satisfying for a member of our profession to devote his services to the common man. With your common man, a doctor can simply follow the Medical Code. What is so devilishly tedious about practicing among your important lords and ladies is that they make such childish demands on their doctors-every time they fall ill, they positively insist on being cured! fi TOINETTE How unreasonable! DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS Exactly, We can only execute our function according to the Code. RGAN (To Cleante) Sir, why don’t you have my daughter do a bit of singing to entertain our é guests? Page 32| | | The Imaginary Invalid + Act 11 N Twas hoping your. would ask, It had occurred to me that it hight be diverting for the young lady to sing a scene with me from a new opera. (To Angelique, giving her a paper) Here, This is the part ANGELIQUE But there's. . . L Please! Allow me to explain the scene. ARGAN Is this what they call grand opera? CLEANTE No, no. It's just a little improvised musical drema~the sort of thing that sounds as if it were really being spoken in the heat of passion ABGAN. Well. Let’s hear it. CLEANTE First, to present the scene in its proper context, I ought to explain the events which preceded it. In the first act of our opera, a young man was attending a theatrical performance. The play had barely begun when he was distracted by a disturbance near him in the audience. He turned and found that a tuffian was crudely forcing his attentions on a young lady. The young man rushed to her defense and paid the bully with a thrashing Though this was only what he would have done for any woman, a closer look at the young lady revealed to him such irresistible charms that he realized that, for her, he would have undergone any peril on earth. He sat beside her throughout the performance; and though he did not mark one word the actors spoke, he cursed the play for ending too soon. That was the way the first act of our opera ended.’ In the second act, the young man carresponded with the young lady and drew from her a confession of love to match his own, Then, suddenly, he was plunged into despair when he learned that her unfeeling father had pledged his daughter's hand to another man. Outraged, he found 2 means of entering her father’s house in disguise Now we arrive at our scene: the young man is within the house. He meets his lady beneath the very eves of her father. He witnesses the entrance of his rival. He is appalied to find him a ridiculous booby! at first, he dares not speak to the young lady for fear of revealing his true identity. But, finally, unable to contain himself any longer, he sings” ‘Page 33(sings) (Sings) (Sings) (Sings) (Sings) (Sings) (Sings) une smigginary invaua © ct 11 My sweet, no more of this disguise! No more of cruel silence! From your heart now speak to me, Disclose your lover's destiny; At your command he lives or dies! ANGELIQUE Don’t you see, my dear, the pain I feel, the sadness, When you say your fear my love's not real? Just look into my eyes and listen to my sighs-~ Don’t you know the way I feel? CLEANTE Ah, can it be, my sweet, That you'll grant me, my sweet, My greatest happiness and more-- A keener joy than I have felt before? ELN I will now confess. It is true, my love Yes, my love, it’s you I love! CLEANTE Sweet words that I adore! Repeat them evermore! ANGELIQUE It's you I love! CLEANTE Still, one thought haunts me, How it taunts me~ Page 34The Imaginary Invalid » Act 11 ae My rival! ANGELI( (Sings) That pompous fool I can’t abide? CLEANTE (Sings) But if your father forces you to be his bride? NGELIQUE - (Sings) I won't consent to be his wife! I'd sooner die, for you're my life! ARGAN Hold on. What does her father say to alll this? CLEANTE Nothing ABGAN Then he’s either a blind man or an idiot! CLEANTE (Attempting to sing again) Ah, my love, ARGAN Very well. Enough! Your opera sets a bad example. The young man is a scoundrel and the girl is a hussy to carry on like that in front of her father. {To Angelique) Wait a minute! f (Takes sheet of rtusic) There’s only music written here. Where are all thes singing? e words you were CLEANTE Ah! It’s anew method of musical notation in which the lyrics are included in the notes. ARGAN Js that so? Well. I think we could have done without your simple- minded opera! Page 35 oe| | | CLEANT! “u would find it entertaining. ARGAN Found it silly! Ah, my wife! (Enter Beline. Exit Cleante,) ARGAN My pet, this is the son of Doctor Diafoirus. THOMAS DIAFOIRUS Madame, though custom would have me hail you as my future mother- in-law, it is not law alone. LINE Sir, I am delighted to make your acquaintance, THOMAS DIAFOIRUS It is not law alone that shall bind me ., . It is not law alone... Madame, you have interrupted me in the middle of my metaphor, and it has fouled my memory TOR DIAFOIRUS. Save it for another time, Thomas. ARGAN Twish you'd been here a moment ago, my dear. Yes, madame, you've missed the best—the one about the heliotrope! ARGAN Come now, Angelique. Give the gentleman your hand and promise you'll make him a good wife ANGELIQUE Father! ARGAN What? ANGELIQUE Please don’t rush us. At least allow us time to get to know each other, time for mutual affection to be born. Page 36‘The Imaginary Invalid + Act IL For my part, it has already been born in me, and I no longer require a period of gestation Though your desires may Ir-~ 50 quickly, sir, mine do not. I must confess that your qualities have not yet made any strong impression on me There will be plenty of time for that after you're married NGELK Father, give me more time! If the gentleman is a man of honor, he won't want to accept a wife who's given him by force HOMAS DIAFOIRI consequentiam, that is, | deny your conclusion, my dear young lady. For, behold, I am a man of honor, and furthermore, I do desire to accept your father’s generous, though forceful, offer, namely yourself: ergo, yours is a false conclusion. ANGELIQUE Your lave shows itself in a most peculiar manner-its first thought is to carry me off against my will! THOMAS _DIAFOIRUS Ah, but there is Precedent established! Historians tell us that among the ancients, my dear young lady, it was an honored custom for virgins to be abducted by force from their fathers’ homes by their intended husbands so that it would appear that they had not willingly rushed into the arms-of a man ANGELIQUE The ancients, sir, are dead. But we, sir, are alive. When a lady has a mind to marry now, she knows how to go straight to her man without being dragged off by the hair. If you are as fond of me as you say, your desires should agree with mine MAS IR True, my lady, with one exception--my desire to aHain you. ANGELIQUE The greatest proof of love is to bend to the wishes of the one you love. Page 37The Imaginary Invalid + Act U: THOMAS DIAFOIRUS Distinguo, that is to say, I make a distinction. In all matters which do not concer possessing the loved one, concedo, I concede your point, but in matters which do concern possession, nego, I deny it. TOINETTE (To Angelique) How could you resist a mind like that? BELINE It couldn’t be that she’s already chosen someone else? If s0, madame, rest assured that I would have made my choice according to the dictates of virtue and judgment. ARGAN Judgment and virtue be damned! It’s what I dictate that counts! If I were you, my pet, I wouldn't force the child to marry. Oh, if I were you, I know what ’'d do with her. ANGELIQUE And I know, madame, what your meaning is, as well as I know how fond you are of me. BELINE Is this the way girls show respect to their elders and relations? ANGE. UE Respect has its limits, madame. Neither logic nor the law demand it be extended to extremes of blind obedience. ARGAN L Gentlemen, please excuse all this. .. ANGELIQUE Each woman has her own reasons for marrying. I simply want a husband I can love for life. There's another sort of woman, of course, who looks on marriage as a business, one which thrives only when the partnership has been dissolved upon the husband's death. BELINE Well now, that’s a curious remark. | di what you're getting at? 1 if you could tell us exactly Page 38| The imaginary Invalid » Act U1 i . fa. ANGELIQUE eee Getting at? i You're so very innocent, aren’t you? And unbearable! : ANGELIQUE > Could it be, madame, that you are attempting to provoke me to make an unseemly remark? : BELINE e Have you ever heard such insolence? AN di I don’t know what you mean. aoe BELINE Such arrogance and conceit! Miss-Holier-Than-Thou! : ANGELIQUE I'm sorry to disappoint you, matlame; but I shall now, with great reluctance, take leave of our conversation. Your servant, madame. ARGAN (To Angelique, as sho exits) Listen, there are just ways in this. Make Your own choice, but within four days it’s either this gentleman or a convent for you! ne (To Beline) nr Don’t worry, angel, I'll straighten her out. BELINE I'm terribly sorry, sweetheart, but I must leave you gentlemen now. [have some business to attend to in town that I simply can’t put off, I’ll be back within the hour. ‘ I ARGAN Run along, my love, and stop off at that notary of yours and bid him make haste with-you know what. | Goodbye, little lover. Goodbye, my pet. (Exit Beline) Now, that's a most unusual woman! Page 38The Imaginary Invalid + Act If DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS We, also, sir, must bid you farewell ABGAN Before you go, could you spare a few moments to give me an opinion of my physical condition? DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS Gladly. Come, Thomas, take the other arm. Let's see how well you can interpret the gentleman's pulse. Well, quid dicis? THOMAS DIAFOIRUS Dico that the gentleman's puise is the pulse of a man in ill health. DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS Good! THOMAS DIAFOIRUS A pulsus rapidicus, or rapid pulse. DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS Very good! THOMAS. DIAFOIRUS Aha! It skips a beat-pulsus irregularus! DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS Excellent! THOMAS DIAFOIRUS Which signifies a distemperature in the gentleman's parenchyma splenetica, or, as you might say, his spleen DOCTO. NM IR Capital! ARGAN Is that so? Doctor Purgon says my illness is in my liver DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS Well, of course! When one says the parenchuma splenetica one might just as well say the liver. It’s exactly the same thing, you know, because of the svmpathetic affinity that exists between them by means of the vas brevis, the pylorus, and occasionally even the meatus colodocus. Doctor Purgon no doubt requires you to eat a great deal of roasted meat? Page 40Une imaginary invaua = nex ta ARGAN No, only boiled A_DIAFOIR. | Well, of course! Roasted, boiled~it’s much the same. His orders are extremely sound. You couldn’t be in better hands. One thing more, Doctor, How many grains of salt should I put on an egg? | DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS Six, eight, or ten--always even numbers when it's the spleen. Just as it’s always odd numbers when it’s the liver. ... Perhaps it would be best for you to use even numbers today and odd tomorrow ARGAN. Thank you. Farewell, gentlemen. (Exeunt Doctor Diatoirus and his son. Enter Beline) | BELINE Before I go out, dear, there’s something you should know. As I passed by Angelique’s room just now, I caught @ glimpse of a young man with her He slipped out as soon as he saw me. ARGAN Aman. With Angelique? BELINE Yes. Louison was there with them. She could tel! you more. ARGAN Send her here, my love. (Exit Beline) : That disgraceful hussy! Now it's clear why she refused that fine v doctor! - Louison (Enter Louison) LOUISON You want to see me, Papa? ARGAN Yes, Louison. Come, come over here. Sit with me. Now, look at me Weill? Page #1Te Imaginary Invalid + Act 11 LOUISON Well? ABGAN Tell me. LOUISON What? ABGAN Don’t you have something to tell me? 01 I can tell you some stories I learned this week--the one about the Donkey Skin or the Fox and the Crow. ARGAN That isn’t what I want to hear! LOUISON What do you want to hear? ARGAN Didn’t I say that you should come and tell me right away about everything you see? LOUISON Yes. ARGAN Well, haveh’t you seen something today? LOUISON No. / ARGAN No? LOUISON Um-um ARGAN You're sure? LOUISON Uh-huh. Page 42‘ihe Imaginary invaua * act 11 ARGAN Is that so? Well, maybe I can make you see something (Reaches for a birch twig) LOUISON Oh-oh. N Now, little sneak, what about the man you saw in your sister's room? (Weeping loudly) Papa! ARGAN (Taking Louison’s arm) This will teach you not to lie! LOUISON Don’t! My sister made me promise not to tell you, but I'l tell you anyway! ARGAN First you get switched for lying, then we'll see about the rest of your story LOUISON No. ARGAN Yes. LOUISON You're not going to beat me? ARGAN Yes, I am! ‘ LOUISON Don’t hurt me! ARGAN It's for your own good! (Switches her once) LOVISON Oh, you hurt mef_I'm dying! Oh! (Plays dead) ‘Page 43The Imaginary Invalid * Act It ARGAN Louison, Louison! Good Lord, she is dead! Louison! Miserable fortune, my poor little daughter's dead! What have I done? Deadly little birch rod! A plague on all birch rods! Ah, my poor little Louison! LOVISON Don’t cry. I'm not very dead. ARGAN You lite sneak! Well allright, 7! forgive you this time if you promise to tell me everything you saw. LOUISON Iwill. I promise. ARGAN You'd better be careful now. This little finger of mine knows everything; it will tell me if you’re lying to me. (After looking to see if anyone else is listening) Well, a man came into my sister's room while I was there. ARGAN Well? LOUISON He said he was her music master. ARGAN (Aside) So! (To Louison) Go on, ’ LOUVISON Then my sister came in ARGAN Well? What did she say to the man? LOUISON She said, "Go away, go away, go away ARGAN Well? Page 4‘Te Imaginary Invalid * Act 1 LOUISON He didn’t go away. ARGAN What did he do? LOUISON He talked. ARGAN About what? LOUISON He said he loved her and she was the prettiest girl in the world. ARGAN And then? LOUISON He kissed her. ARGAN And then? LOUISON My step-mother passed by, and he ran away ARGAN And nothing else happened? LOUISON No. ABGAN , That's strange, because my little finger seems to be whispering something to me (Puts his finger to his ear) What? Ah? Ah? Is that so? Oh, hi something you haven't tald me about LOUISON My little finger says you saw Your little finger is a liar. ARGAN (Restrains his annoyance) Page 45The Imaginary invalid » Act 1 Oh, well, never mind. Run along now. And let me know if you see anything else. Go on. (Exit Louison) What is the world coming to? Children are no longer childish, Ah, I wasn’t cut out to be a father! 24 - The Helpful Brother {Argan sinks into his chair. Enter Beralde with Tomelte) BERALDE Well, Brother how are you today? ARGAN TL, very ill BERALDE Still ill, eh? ARGAN You can’t imagine how weak I am BERALDE That must be very trying for you ARGAN Thardly have the strength to speak BERALDE I came here, Brother, to propose a husband for Angelique. ARGAN (Rises, shout furiously) Don’t mention that hussy! She's a base, conniving, saucy slut; and I'll pack her off to a convent before take any more nonsense from her! BERALDE I'm glad to see that vour strength is returning. Now, Brother, could we have a little talk? ARGAN One moment, Brother. I'll be back. (Argan starts to leave) OINETTE Sir. You're forgetting something. You can’t walk without your cane Page 46The Imaginary Invalid » Act 11 ABGAN You're right. (Exits) Page 7‘The Imaginary Invatia * Act 114 Act II! begins with Toinette and Beralde in precisely the positions they occupied at the end of Act il 31- soned Medical Advice TOINETTE Sir, no matter what he says, don’t abandon poor Angelique BERALDE I'll do my best. IOQINETTE T've been thinking. .. what do you suppose would happen if we introduced Monsieur Argan to a new doctor--one whose ways were so Peculiar that it might shake his faith in all doctors. . .? BERALDE : =A new doctor? Who? AN TOINETTE Someone you might recognize . . . if not for a disguise. BERALDE Not you? TOINETTE When the time comes, just play your part. (Enter Argan) Here he is. Page 48(Exit Toinette) BERALDE First of all, Brother, permit me to make a request; please do not allow what Thave to say to disturb you. ARGAN I won't. BERALDE You won't lose your temper? ARGAN No. RA You'll discuss the matter with a completely detached attitude? ARGAN Yes! Does all this preamble have a point? Di Thope so. First question: what's really on your mind, Brother, when you talk about marrying Angelique to a doctor? ARGAN What's on my mind, Brother, is getting the sort of son-in-law I need, BERALDE Is she taking a husband for herself or catching you a free physician? ARGAN Ideally, the choice ought to please us both. But it's most important that her marriage should bring a suitable person into the family. BERALDE ‘ If your little girl, Louison, were old enough, I suppose you'd marry her off to an apothecary? ARGAN Why not? BERALDE Let me ask you this: how can you go on insisting you're an invalid when there's 5 h evidence to the contrary? tyeThe Imaginary Invalid » Act I ARGAN What do you mean by that? BERALDE I mean I’ve never seen a man in better health than you! Your extraordinarily fine physical condition is proved by the fact that you've taken all your doctor's prescriptions and somehow managed to survive. ARGAN Those medicines are keeping me alive! Doctor Purgon says if I stopped following his instructions, terrible things would happen to me. BERALDE If you're not careful, you're likely to “follow his instructions” into the next world, ARGAN Be reasonable, Beralde. Don’t you believe in Medicine? BERALDE I don’t worship it ARGAN Well, in your opinion, what should we do when we're sick? BERALDE Nothing. ARGAN Nothing? BERALDE Lie still, rest. Nature, herself can repair most of the damage we do to our bodies. More men die of their medicines than of their maladies ARGAN Surely you must concede that there are ways of helping nature along? BERALDE Perhaps. But we should be cautious about applying them. Since time began, men have flattered themselves by believing what they wanted to believe. Man is the imaginary animal. So we have Imaginary Invalids and Imaginary Illnesses and Imaginary Cures from Imaginary Doctors, Page $0What it comes downto is this: your head is the universal spout of fate wisdom, and ail our finest doctors are nit-wits! I wish one of the Medical Faculty were here. He'd punch your silly arguments to pieces! | | Come now. I have no intention of starting a crusade against Medicine. | What I've said is just between the two of us, To sum it up: T hope you ! won't be blinded by your fondness for physicians. Whatever your feelings for Thomas Diafoirus, Angelique prefers Cleante; and after ali, the choice will determine whether her future is a happy one . . . Who's this? 32.- The Enema (Enter Monsieur Fleurant) a My apothecary, Monsieur Fleurant. Wait, Brother. I won't be long ' (Starts to leave the room) ! BERALDE ‘ Where are-you going? : ABGAN ' Just to take this enema injection. I won't be long ERALDE You must be joking. Put it off until another time, and relax a little with me now ARGAN *% Well, then .. . why not come back this evening, Monsieur Fleurant or... tomorrow morning? FLEURANT ; (To Beralde) Who are you, sir, to oppose a prescription authorized by the Medical Faculty--to prevent this gentleman from taking my enema? In my opinion, sir, you are an upstart, 4 meddler, and I must wam you that vour rashness may have grave repercussions. BERALDE Be gone, sir. Your rudeness makes it evident that you are unaccustomed to speaking to people's faces Page 51‘The Imaginary Invalid * Act 11 The profession of Medicine is not to be trifled with, sir, nor is my valuable time to be wasted. (To Argan) i came here only to dispense a beneficial prescription, and I shall consider it my duty to acquaint Dr. Purgon immediately as to the insulting manner in which I have been hindered from the execution of his orders. BERALDE I care not a fig for Purgon's orders, sir! ELEURAN’ You shall see, sir, you shall see! (Exit Fleurant) ARGAN Ah, Brother, now you've done it! You're the cause of whatever mischief comes of this! BERALDE A great mischief, indeed, to miss one of Doctor Purgon’s enemas! Brother! How much longer do you think you can exist, being drained of blood, drowned in potions, choked with pills, and punctured with enemas? RGAN Ah, Brother, you talk like a healthy man. If you were in my place, you'd sing another tune. It’s easy to make fun of Medicine when you're healthy ERALDE I admit I'm healthy, but what's your illness? ARGAN You'll drive me mad! 1 wish you had my illness; then we'd see how you'd laugh’ Oh, here's Doctor Purgon! + Purgon’s Curse (Enter Doctor Purgon and Toinette) PURGON Pleasant, sweet, delightful news Theard just now trom the apothecary! My prescription scoffed at, my orders disobeyed! ARGAN Doctor, I didn’t.PURGON Six, your insolence as.a patient is unparalleled. {You have rebelled against your physician. TOINETTE Shameful! PURGON ‘An enema I was pleased to prepare with my own hands! ARGAN I’m not the one... Pp Prescribed and compounded according to the Medical Code! TQINET: The code! PURGON It would have worked wonders in your bowels. ARGAN My brother. .. URG To reject it in utter contempt! ARGAN But he’s the one, PURGON Insubordination! TOINETTE Hear, hear! / PURGON An unspeakable slur on our profession! ARGAN But he's the cause. PURGON For such an insult to the Medical Faculty, no punishment is too severe. Page 33‘The Imaginary Invalid » Act LI DINETTE Break his leg! PURGON From this time forth, I sever our association. ABGAN But it was my brother. PURGON Ishall never < -municate with you again. TOINETTE Serves him right PURGON And, to terminate all dealings between us, | hereby dispose of this deed of gift I made out to my nephew Thomas Diafoirus in favor of his marriage to your daughter (Tears up the paper) ARGAN But my brother's to blame URGO To disdain my enema! ARGAN Bring it back! I'll take it! I was going to restore you to periect health within the month TOINETTE / Amazing! PURGON Thad planned to purge your foul, infected body and to cast out all the impurities which are even now destroying it. ARGAN Oh, Brother, Brother. PURGON Just twelve more enemas were needed. Page 54The Imaginary Invalid » Act It IOINETTE ' He's not worthy of them! PURGON But, since you refuse my cure... ARGAN Yes. It’s all my fault! PURGON Since you have withdrawn from me the unfailing allegiance which every patient owes his doctor. . TOINETTE Traitor! PURGON Tam compelied to abandon you to your malignant constitution, to the filth of your bowels, the corruption of your gall, and the bitterness of your bile. TQINETTE That's justice! ARGAN Good Lord! PURGON And it shall come to pass that within three days your illness shall become incurable! ARGAN Ah, mercy, mercy! PURGON ‘ You shail fall into bradypepsia ARGAN Doctor! PURGON From bradypepsia to dyspepsia! ARGAN No, doctor. Page 53‘Tie imaginary Invalid + Aet HL PURGON From dyspepsia to apepsia! ARGAN Mercy. PURGON From apepsia to lientery! ARGAN Sweet doctor. PURGON From lientary to dysentery! ARGAN Kind doctor. PURGON From dysentery to dropsy! ARGAN Please. PURGON And from dropsy to autopsy--the inevitable end of your sad folly! I have spoken, (Exeunt Purgon and Toinette) ABGAN Good Lord, I can’t move! Brother, you've murdered me! BERALDE : What did I do? ARGAN I'm fading fast. I can already feel the Medical Faculty taking its revenge inside my body. Agh, I'm dying! BERALDE For heaven’s sake, don’t be such an ass! Come now, compose yourself. ARGAN You heard. He swore I'd get all those horrible diseases!‘The Imaginary Invalid * Act I BERALDE But surely. ARGAN He said Id be incurable “within three days.” So what? Is nelle begnic OS ee me, Brother, whatever controls your heartbeat, it’s right there inside you; and his curses are no more likely to kill you than his remedies are to cure you. ARGAN But, Brother, he understands my condition. He's the only one who know how to take care of me! 34- The 90 Year Old Impostor (Enter Toinettey ~ OINETTE Sir, there’s a doctor here who wants to see you. ARGAN Who? TO I don’t know him, sir, but he and I are as much alike as two drops of water If weren't sure my mother was an honest woman, I'd swear this was some little long-lost brother of mine. a ARGAN Show him in (Exit Toinette) BERALDE ‘ What more could you ask for? As soon as one doctor deserts you, another appears to take his place ARGAN. If I die, it’l] be on your conscience BERALDE Still harping on that?Ican feel it. I’m already full of all those awful “pepsies” ... those... what do you call them... those. . (Enter Toinette as a doctor) TOINET} Sit, with your permission, I have called fo offer my services for any and all medical attentions you may require. ARGAN Sir, Lam very much obliged to you. (To Beralde) By God, it’s Toinette to the teeth! TOINETTE Would you excuse me for a moment, sir? I have neglected to leave instructions with my lackeys. I shall return instantly (Exit Toinette) ARGAN Well, wouldn't you really think it was Toinette? BERALD| There is a certain resemblance. I don’t know about you, but I find it hard to believe. (Toinette enters as herself) TOINETTE What do you want, sir? ARGAN What? G TOINETTE Didn't you call for me? ARGAN. No: TOINETTE Strange. I could have sworn I heard you call. (Starts to leave the room) Page 58‘The Imaginary invauia * Ace 141 Wait. Stay here and see how much this physician resembles you TOINETTE Really, sir. I have work to do. {Exit Toinette) iA If [hadn't seen them both, I'd swear there was only one of them, RALD. I've read of cases like this~people who looked so much alike that they were continually mistaken for each other--they fooled everybody. ARGAN This one fooled me. (Toinette enters as the doctor) TOINETTE Sir, I beseech your pardon. ARGAN (To Beraide) Amazing! TOINETTE Thope you'll not take offense, sir, at my curiosity to see with my own eyes a famous invalid such as yourself. Your excellent reputation for extreme illness, which is a byword throughout the medical world, -hould excuse the liberty [ have taken ARGAN You're too kind, sir TOINETTE a Til tell you a secret. How oid do you suppose | am? ABGAN Oh, I'd say you're no more than twenty-six or twenty-seven TOINETTE (Laughs) I'm ninety ARGAN Ninety? ‘Page 58 feces‘The Imaginary Invalid + Act LIT TOINETTE Thave discovered a means of preserving youth and vigor, ARGAN I thought you were pretty spry for ninety! TOINETTE Tam an experimental physician. I travel from town to town, country to country, in search of unusual cases to test my talents. I no longer deign to amuse myself with ordinary illnesses--your trifling agues, your silly fevers, migraines, or rheumatism’s. Only your really big illnesses interest me. Give me a good brain fever with hallucinations, a good purple scurvy, a nice Black Plague, or better yet, give me a really advanced case of inflammation of the lungs-that’s my specialty! I shine in the lungs! I am here, sir, in hopes that you may have one or more of the disorders I mentioned, so I can demonstrate a few of my remarkable remedies. AAGAN I'm grateful for your kindness, sir Let's check your pulse. Come, now you can beat better than that! I'll have to encourage it. That’s a damned impertinent little pulse you have there. It doesn’t know me yet. Who is your doctor? ARGAN Doctor Purgon. TOINETTE Tam not familiar with the gentleman. Where doeé he say the source of your illness lies? ARGAN He says it’s in the liver, but Doctor Diafoirus says the spien. Idiots, both of them! Your illness is in the lungs. ARGAN The lungs? TOINETTE What are your symptoms? ABGAN T have headaches. Page 60‘The Imaginary Invalid © Act 11 TOINETTE Precisely. ARGAN Sometimes my eyesight is cloudy, as if I were looking through a veil. TOINETTE The lungs! Then, my heart pounds very fast. TOINETT. The lungs. ARGAN At times I feel weak in the knees. TOINET: The lungs. You have a good appetite? ARGAN Yes. TOINETTE The lungs! You like to drink wine? ARGAN Yes. OINETTI The lungs! You lie down after dinner and fall right off to sleep? ARGAN, : Yes. TQINETTE The lungs, the lungs! What diet does Doctor Purgon ARGAN Soup. TOINETTE Idiot! Page 61‘The Imaginary Invalid * Act 111 ARGAN Boiled chicken. . TOINETTE Idiot! ARGAN Liver. TOINETTE Ugh! ARGAN Raw eggs. TOINETTE Phew! ARGAN And he says I should dilute my wine with plenty of water. TOINETTE He's an imbecile. You must drink strong wine. And, to fortify your blood, you must eat roast beef, roast pork, Swiss cheese and pastries. Your doctor is an ass! I shall recommend one who's far superior, and from time to time I myself will drop by to see you ARGAN I'm greatly in your debt, sir TOINETTE What the devil are you doing with that arm? ABGAN What? ie TOINETTE That arm! If I were you, I'd have it amputated, ARGAN Why? TOINETTE Can't you see? It’s drawing too much strength into itself, it's depriving the other one of vital fluids Page 62‘The Imaginary invalid » Act 111 Isee. But I need my right arm, Doctor. TOINETTE You also have an eye there that ought fo be removed, ARGAN Removed? It’s robbing your other eye of its proper nourishment. Believe me, put out that right eye, and you'll see much more clearly with the left ARGAN Treally don’t need to see so clearly. TOINETTE Think about it. Farewell, dear fellow. It is annoying to have to leave vou so soon. However, | must hurry off to a consultation with the Medical Faculty. We're debating as to what remedies would most likely prove effective in a certain case of dropsy. ARGAN Thope you can save the patient. TOINETTE It's less than likely. He died yesterday Until we meet again, sir. (Exit Toinette) - The Fake Deaths ~ ‘BERA Well, at last you've found a doctor who talks sense ARGAN He's a bit reckless, don’t you think? r BERALD: All great physicians are like that. ABGAN I mean, that’s a curious cure-to leave me with one arm and one eye! (Enter Toinette as herself) TOINETTE (Pretending to speak to someone outside) Now, now, Sir! I'm not a gir! to play games like that! Page 8ABGAN What's the matter? TOINETTE Your doctor! He wanted to take my pulse in the most peculiar place. ARGAN Can you imagine that? At ninety! BERALDE Well, Brother, since Doctor Purgon has run out on vou and taken his nephew with him, wouldn't you like to hear about the voung mn T mentioned earlier-the one who wants to marry Angelique? ABGAN No, Brother. What I'd like is to pack her off to a nunnery. I’ve found out what's behind her stubbornness--the hussy has a lover! She’s been. meeting him in secret! BERALDE But, if they’re in love, is a secret rendezvous such a crime? If their inclinations are leading them toward marriage. ARGAN Inclinations or not, she’s headed for a nunnery! My mind’s made up! ERALDE That decision ought to pledge Somebnein the house ARGAN I know what you're hinting at. Italways comes back to that, doesn't it? You can’t abide my wife BERALDE It's true, Brother. Perhaps it's time to speak about it operly, Tdon’t admire your blind devotion to your wife any more than I admire vour faith in doctors, Every time I see you changing headlong into one of her sugar- coated snares, I burn with rage. TOINETTE Sir, you shouldn't talk that way about Madame Beline. ARGAN (To Beralde) Yes. Just ask Toinette how affectionate she is to me. ‘Page 64she smuguausy sivas TOINETTE It's true! ARGAN How upset she is about my illnesses. LOQINETTE She can’t wait for it to be over! ARGAN How attentive she is to me! ‘OINETTI (To Beralde) Sir! Would you like to see the proof of it? This very minute I can show you how much Madame Beline loves Monsieur Argan! (To Argan) Sir, permit me to convince your brother that he’s mistaken about your wife, ARGAN How? TOINETTE Madame just came back into the house. She should be passing this way shortly. Stretch out here and pretend to be dead, (To Beralde) You'll see how sad she’ll be when she hears the news (To Argan) What do you say, sir? ARGAN All right. I'll do it. TOINETTE Good! But let's not leave her in despair too long; she nfight die of a broken heart ARGAN True, true. TOINETTE (To Beralde) You'd better be out of sight. ARGAN Maybe it's dangerous to imitate a corpse Page 63Te Imaginary Invalid’ + Act 111 TOINETTE How could it be? Just stretch out there. It will really be a pleasure to make your brother eat his words, won't it? Oh, here she is. Die! (Enter Beline) Oh, Lord! Unhappy day! Oh, ~isery! Oh, woe! BELINE What's all this, Toinette? TOINETTE Madame! BELINE What's the matter? TOINETTE Your husband--is dead! BELINE Dead? TOINETTE Alas! Deceased, defunct--gone! BELINE You're sure? TOINETTE He passed away just now in my arms. Well. Heaven be praised! My burden has at last been lifted. What a simpleton vou are, Toinette, to carry on like this! OINETTE But, madame. | thought we were expected to cry BELINE Why bother? It’s no great loss. A considerable inconvenience, that’s what he was! Forever taking some horrid medication, always coughing and wheezing--a miserly, tiresome, disgusting old grouch TOINETTE / He had his faults, 1 guess. Page 65Toinette, if you help me now, your service will be well rewarded. Since no one else yet knows, we can keep his death a secret until I've had time to take care of a few odds and ends. There are some papers and a little money Tmust see to. After al, it would be unfair if devoting the best years of my life to him bore no fruit. First, we'll need his keys. {As Beline bends over him, Argan rises) ARGAN Not yet! BELINE Ahhh! ARGAN Till death us to part, eh? TOINETTE The corpse seems to be feeling better. ARGAN (As Beline is leaving) I'm pleased to leam the true depth of your affection for me. Your eulogy was very touching. This little lesson will make me wiser in the future! I suspect I'll change my mind about a few plans I'd made (Exit Beline) BERALD (Coming out of hiding) Well, there you have it, Brother. TOINETTE Wait, here comes your daughter. Do your imitation of a corpse again, and we'll see how she takes the news, ‘ (Beraide hides again and Argan “dies.” Enter Angelique) TOINETTE Oh, heavens! Cruel fortune! Woeful dav! ANGELIQUE What's wrong, Toinette? Why are you weeping? TOINETTE [have sad news,‘The Imaginary Invalid + Act 111 NG. Ui What? TOINETTE Your father is dead! ANGELIQUI Dead? E Yes. Just a moment ago. His illness has conquered him at last, ANGELIQUE Oh, no! Alas! Must I lose my father, my first and dearest? And at a time when he was angry with me, without a reconciliation! What will become of me? Poor Father! (Enter Cleante) CLEAN Angelique, why are you weeping? ANGELIQUE For the loss of my father! AN’ What a cruel chance! I had asked your uncle to plead my cause with him, and I was coming here to beg him for your hand in marriage. AN: J Cleante, we'll speak no more of that. Leave off all thoughts of marriage Yes, Father, if | opposed you in the past, at least I'll now obey one wish of yours by retiring to a nunnery to atone for all the uneasiness | caused you (Kneels) ARGAN (Embraces Angelique) That's my daughter! ANGELIQUE Oh! ARGAN. Don’t be afraid. I'm not dead. There now. I’m delighted to see you have such good sense. Page 68“ine imaginary inva ~ us 134 (Beralde comes out of hiding) ANGELIQUE Since Heaven has restored you to us, sir, permit me here upon my knees to beg one favor of you. If you refuse to wed me to Cleante, at least don’t force me to marry any other man. CLEANTE Sir, let our prayers touch your heart. We love each other. BERALDE Well, Brother? Have you a heart of stone? TOINETTE Come, on sir. ARGAN Well ... let him become a doctor, and I'll consent (To Cleante) Yes, sir, turn physician; and I'll give you my daughter. CLEANTE Gladly, sir. I'll turn apothecary, too, if you like. I'd do much more to win Angelique BERAL, But, Brother, a thought just struck me: why not become a doctor, yourself? It will be even more convenient. Instead of having a doctor in your house, you'll have a doctor in yourself. TOINETTE He's right. It's a sure way to be cured. No disease is impertinent enough to meddle about inside a doctor! ARGAN Oh, I'm far too old to study medicine. ERALDE Study? There's no need. A great many doctors know less about medicine than vou do. ARGAN Don’t you have to speak Latin and diagnose and prescribe cures BERALDE A doctor's cap and gown is all the learning you'll need. You'll be surprised at how clever everyone will think you are when you're properly attired Page 9‘Une Imagunary vag * Ace 14 Are you saying all you have to do to treat illnesses is to wear doctor's clothes? Once you've got a cap and gown, people will believe anything you tell them, CLEANT! (After a pause) In any case, I'm prepared to give my all. BERALDE It won't be necessary. (To Argan) Would you like to receive your degree today? ARGAN Today? BERALDE Yes, right here in your own home. ABGAN Here? BERALDE Ihave friends on the Faculty who'd be happy to come here at a moment's notice and perform the ceremony. Free of charge! G. But I wouldn’t know what do. How could 1. - BERALDE : Simple. They'll give you a paper with what you're supposed to say written on it. Now, go and dress suitably for the occasion. I'll find the doctors and bring them here right away. ARGAN Then, let’s get to it! (Exits) CLEANTE What's this about friends on the Faculty? Page 70ine imaginary invaua » Act 114 * LOINETTE What are you plotting now? BERALDE Just a bit of entertainment, The actors at the commedia have worked up a little lampoon on the doctor’s degree ceremonies. I'll simply arrange for my brother to take the leading part. AN Uncle, don’t you think your joke’s a little cruel? BERALDE My dear niece, instead of looking at it as a joke on him, why not think of it as giving him his heart's desire? And there'll be a part for each of us, as well, so=why not enjoy ourselves? | CLEANTE What do you think? ANGELIQUE Well-~as my dear, wise uncle said-"why not?” (They prepare the stage for the finale) END ACT Ii Page 71‘The Imaginary Invalid + Finale FINALE The Making of a Doctor A BURLESQUE OF THE CEREMONY OF ADMITTING A CANDIDATE INTO THE MENICAL PROFESSION--IN DIALOGUE, SONG AL DANCE. MARCH OF THE MEDICAL FACULTY TO MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT. DOCTORS AND APOTHECARIES ENTER BEARING SYRINGES AND MORTARS. THEY ARRANGE THEMSELVES AT THE SIDES OF THE STAGE. THE PRESIDENT OF THE FACULTY MOUNTS: HIS CHAIR AT THE CENTER OF THE STAGE. ARGAN, AS THE CANDIDATE FOR ADMISSION TO THE FACULTY, SITS IN A SMALLER CHAIR TO ONE SIDE OF THE PRESIDENTS CHAIA. PRESIDENT vanti Medicinae Professores, This noble assemblatis 1 pronounce nunc convocatis! ‘And, now, with grave conviction Repeat the Doctor's benediction: “While we're alive May illness thrive! ! Keep us healthy, And our patients wealthy!” Amen. President Our calling, colleagues, is divine by birth And mortal tongues can never speak its worth i Ofalll professions ‘tis the best. (Applause from the assembly) President Both great and small among this nation Regard our cures as their salvation; For our pills and potions all the lords adore us! And our enemas make princes bow before us! Page 72“ine imagunasy wv ~ june ‘ (Applause from the assembly) Pi To insure that Medicine preserves The high esteem that it deserves, No man may enter our profession Till he acquires both wisdom and discretion, To admit one such we gather here today; { And in sincerity I'm bold to say | [think you'll find a true materiam medici | Friends, you must now evaluate | t The prowess of the candidate. é Proceed: examinandum | Et interrogandum! t FIRST DOCTOR | If His Excellency the President And my brother doctors will consent, I shall inaugurate The trial of the candidate (To Argan) Sir, can you tell the rationem deep Why opium induces sleep? in ARGAN : The learned Doctor's meaning is quite plain; In brief, he asks me if I can explain } The causem et rationem deep - Why opium induces sleep! | Of sleep opium is most prolific Because it is a soporific. (Applause) i ALL Bene, bene, bene! Bene responders! Worthy answer to a worthy query, Worthy of a Doctor, very! SECOND DOCTOR With the permission of the noble gentleman \ presiding, And the indulgence of my colleagues here residing, I shall continue to interrogate Our most sagacious candidate. (To Argan) Sir, what isThe Imaginary Invalid + Finale For the maladia Known as hydropsia? ARGAN When hydropsia is the ill, Four times « day ingest a pill; Give an enema to drain. Then, bleed him from his largest vein, Then, try the enema again. Bene, bene, bene! Bene respondere! Worthy answer to a worthy query, Worthy of a Doctor, very! THIRD DOCTOR Could the candidate suggest A remedy he deems the best For diseases that are pulmonaricus, Lymphaticus, or tubercularicus? ARGAN When in your lungs you have an ill, Four times a day ingest a pill; Give an enema to drain. Then, bleed him from his largest vein Then, try the enema again. Bene, bene, bene! Bene respondere! Worthy answer to a worthy query, Worthy of a Doctor, very! RTH. ‘OR : The gentleman is eloquent, And yet, if you'll consent, Distinguished facultatem, Ishall submit a single questionem. (To Argan) Consider, sir: I was accosted yesterday By maladus unus, or, a patient, you might say. He had a grandam fievram everywhere, And, in addition, he did swear He had great difficulty in respire. Now, candidate, could you propose a theory ‘As to which remedies Should be applied to his disease? Page 74The Imaginary Invalid + Finale ARGAN When you have such a serfous ill, Four times a day ingest a pill; Give an enema to drain, Then, bleed him from his largest vein, Then, try the enema again. ALL Bene, bene, bene! Bene respondere! Worthy answer to a worthy query, Worthy of a Doctor, very! FOURTH DOCTOR But if the maladia Js stubbom and opiniatria If to improve the illness should refuse, What treatment would you chose? ARGAN When you have persistent ills, Each day you should ingest four pills; Maintain a liquid diet, Get plenty of rest and quiet; And if your sickness won't abate Instead of four pills, swallow eight Give an enema to drain Then, bleed him from his largest vein Then, try the enema again Then bleed him and purge him and bleed him and purge him again! ALL Bene, bene, bene! Bene respondere! Worthy answer to a worthy query / Worthy or a Doctor, very! PRESIDENT Do you swear to follow faithfully The statutes of the Medical faculty? ARGAN Ido. PRESIDENT And do you swear that you shall never Order a prescription whatsoever Page 75The Imaginary Invalid » Finale Which is not marked approvatis By our learned Eacultatis? ABGAN Ido. PRESIDENT In every case, our Code you must apply? Will you stand firm, though patients die? ARGAN T will PRESIDENT (Placing the doctor's bonnet on him) | With this memorial headdress Full of sartorial sageness Lhereby confer to vou The glory and the power, too, To breed, To bleed, Anesthetize, And enemize, Inject, Dissect, To medicate, And amputate As you see fit, throughout the world Now, your doctor's banner is unfurled! ; ALL | (Chant) Medicandi ARGAN Grandes Doctores, who can cure all ills By prescribing potions, purgatives, and liver pills, For me to praise this sage assembly Would be an impertinent audacity, As great as incongruil Not to mention, superfluity, Page 761 (ARI (SINGLY AND IN SEMI-CHORUS) The Imaginary Invalid + Finale As to try to make high sol more bright To add more stellae to the night, Placare one more sand upon the shore, Or, to Printanno’s roses add one more. Yet, to you gentlemen, I owe Much more «an to natura or to the patri meo: Nature and my father, as you see, Have merely made a man of me, Whereas your kind volition Has made me a sage physician. For your beatitude~ Eternal gratitude! (Applause, music) ve May his prescriptions be in such demand! They fill apothecary shops throughout the land! May each succeeding year be fruitful for his trade And bring great swarms of patients begging for his aid Let each new season its new harvest bring: Of pleurisy in winter, dysentery in the spring, Malaria in summer, cholera in the fall, And let the Poxes-Small and Chicken~fill up all! Hail new Doctor who speaks with so much skill, Live a thousand years and eat and drink your fill, And purge and bleed and kill! (Triumphal exit with music)| 4 This script was prepared for the production of @Vhe “Imaginary “Invalid as presented at Furman University * Greeavilie, SC in November, 1996. Design and layout by Rhett Bryson, Produced with the aid of @ Macintosh 8100, Epson 1200C scanner, Microsoft Word, Aldus Pagemaker and HP LaserJet 4.yy J B Gauelin Molvire Zanglsh Version bys Bberle Chomas Che or ft prstced an crtinuay 10 1673 Char rere praiced at he sols These, Wamawee AE - olay 1968|Portrait de Moliére Ce portrait a été dessiné par Auguste Sandoz apres Pierre Mignard, et gravé par DesvachesARGAN, The imaginary invalid BELINE, his second wife ANGELIQUE, his daughter LOUISON, his younger daughter BERALDE, Argan’s brother CLEANTE, in love with Angelique DOCTOR DIAFOIRUS THOMAS DIAFOIRUS, his son DOCTOR PURGON, Argan’s physician MOWSIEUR FLEURANT, the apothecary Mi IEUR BONNEFOL, the notary TOINETTE. the maid The scene is Argan’s sitting-room. Paris The play was first produced on February 10, 1673.(11 TArgan’s Bi "Argan 12 __| The Betrothal "Argan, Toinette, Angelique (13 Argan’s Lovely Wife [Argan Beline, Toinette 14 The Notary _ | Argan, Beline, Bounefoi _A Scheme Is Hatched Toinette, Angelique 15 : Master The Diafoirusses _Toinette, Beralde, Argan “Argan, Cleante, Angelique, | Thomas, Dr. D., Beline, Toinette 23 Louison’s Confession | Argan, Louison 24 The Helpful Brother Argan, Beralde, Toinette 31 "Reasoned Medical Advice Argan, Beralde, Toinette 32 The Enema Argan, Beralde, Fleurant 33 Purgon’s Curse Argan, Beralde, Toinette, = Purgon 34 A 90 Year Old Impostor Argan, Toinctte, Beralde 35 ‘The Fake Deaths Argan, Toinette, Beralde, Finale-The_ Inves Beline, Angelique, Cleante EveryonePhen this translaion was originally produced (atthe Asolo Theatre, Sarasota, Florida, in July, 1964), the set 1 2. u 1g was a simple arrangement as follows. Far upstage, running from right to left, a hallway which leads off right, to the “front of the house,” and, off left, to the “rest of the house.” An open, arched entryway, up center, through which one may Pass from the hallway into Argan’s bed-sitting room, A door, down left, leading to Argan’s bed chamber. | Another door, down right, leading to the W.C A chaise lounge, at left center A table and chair, at right center. A sideboard, at left. A three-fold screen, for dressing behind, Several other chairs.