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16 P10 Stories Paramachaudhuri
16 P10 Stories Paramachaudhuri
C hhoto didun’s death did not come unannounced. We all knew, sooner or later,
she would succumb to her illness. What I, of course, didn’t know was that she
would breathe her last that very day. I was in the eighth standard and had no
particular love for Chhoto didun. In fact, no one in my family seemed to have any love
for her. It was only my mother who didn’t have any verbal altercations with her.
Everyone else seemed to grudge her presence, the fact that she was still alive. I grew
up thinking that that was the only way one could think of her. As someone who you
wished were only memory. Well, I reasoned to myself, she was a public
embarrassment of sorts with her rag of a sari, cracked heels housing centuries of dirt,
her yellowish white hair, her insane babbling, her lunatic looks. No, to my young,
impressionable mind, there was no way you could love her. You could pity her,
commiserate with her unfortunate life, or, as we cousins did, make fun of her. She was
our lampoon and we constantly derided her, assailed her endlessly with her our scorn.
Chhoto didun always fought back bravely. She would shoo us away, but we
already knew how powerless she was against us. She knew that too. Rarely would she
go and complain about us to the elders of the house, elders, who were her nephews
and nieces. She was in the periphery of their lives, if she was there at all. At home, she
was relegated to that big, dark, musky smelling room. The windows of that room must
have been open on all days, but somehow I don’t remember it. The only image I have
of that room is with all its nine windows closed, streams of sunlight filtering in through
the cracks in the shutters. The particles of dust caught in the spectrum of light would
gently float down, as if in a dream. Chhoto didun had this small carved wooden
cupboard that she kept locked at all times. She loaded it with all sorts of nothings that
she had stocked over the years. Whenever she opened the cupboard, a whiff of some
faint ittar would float across. At times like these, I would soften towards her. I would
chatter with her and she would tell me how she used to babysit me when my parents
went for night shows, when I was a year old or so. She told me that on rainy days she
would hold me in her arms and sing, “Aay brishti jhhepey, chaal debo mepey” (Come
rain, come again, I shall give you a fistful of rice grains). I was surprised at myself, for
what I felt for her. It was a like a tug at my heart, some form of conscience nagging me
for jeering at her lunacy. I could almost feel sorry for her. Strangely, when she talked to
me, laughed with me, she held no bitterness for me. These were the times when she
would secretly beseech me to put in some extra crackers in the packet that she would
take to her grandson.