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Listening Skills
Listening Skills
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http://www.d.umn.edu/kmc/student/loon/acad/strat/ss_listening.html
Good listening skills make workers more productive. The ability to listen carefully will
allow you to:
The following tips will help you listen well. Doing these things will also demonstrate
to the speaker that you are paying attention. While you may in fact be able to listen
while looking down at the floor, doing so may imply that you are not.
maintain eye contact;
don't interrupt the speaker;
sit still;
nod your head;
lean toward the speaker;
repeat instructions and ask appropriate questions when the speaker has
finished.
A good listener knows that being attentive to what the speaker doesn't say is as
important as being attentive to what he does say. Look for non-verbal cues such as
facial expressions and posture to get the full gist of what the speaker is telling you.
Barriers to Listening
Beware of the following things that may get in the way of listening.
bias or prejudice;
language differences or accents;
noise;
worry, fear, or anger; and
lack of attention span.
If you have children you know what it's like to feel like you're talking to a wall. Kids
have an uncanny ability to appear to be listening to you while actually paying no
attention at all. While this is something that may pass with age it is important to
help children develop good listening skills early. They will do better in school and you
will keep your sanity. As the SCANS report points out, good listening skills will
prepare children to eventually succeed in the workforce.
When you tell your child to do something, ask him to repeat your instructions;
Teach your child to maintain eye contact when talking to or listening to
someone;
Read out loud to your child and then engage her in a conversation about what
you have read; and
Engage your child in age-appropriate activities that promote good listening
skills.
http://careerplanning.about.com/cs/miscskills/a/listening_skill.htm
Active Listening
Hear what people are really saying
Learn how to listen actively,
with James Manktelow & Amy Carlson.
http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen has a major impact
on your job effectiveness, and on the quality of your relationships with others.
We listen to obtain information.
We listen to understand.
We listen for enjoyment.
We listen to learn.
Given all this listening we do, you would think we'd be good at it!
In fact most of us are not. Depending on the study being quoted, we remember between 25% and
50% of what we hear. That means that when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or
spouse for 10 minutes, they pay attention to less than half of the conversation. This is dismal!
Turn it around and it reveals that when you are receiving directions or being presented with
information, you aren't hearing the whole message either. You hope the important parts are
captured in your 25-50%, but what if they're not?
Clearly, listening is a skill that we can all benefit from improving. By becoming a better listener,
you will improve your productivity, as well as your ability to influence, persuade and negotiate.
What's more, you'll avoid conflict and misunderstandings. All of these are necessary for
workplace success!
The way to become a better listener is to practice "active listening". This is where you make a
conscious effort to hear not only the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, try
to understand the complete message being sent.
In order to do this you must pay attention to the other person very carefully.
You cannot allow yourself to become distracted by whatever else may be going on around you, or
by forming counter arguments that you'll make when the other person stops speaking. Nor can
you allow yourself to get bored, and lose focus on what the other person is saying. All of these
contribute to a lack of listening and understanding.
To enhance your listening skills, you need to let the other person know that you are listening to
what he or she is saying. To understand the importance of this, ask yourself if you've ever been
engaged in a conversation when you wondered if the other person was listening to what you were
saying. You wonder if your message is getting across, or if it's even worthwhile continuing to
speak. It feels like talking to a brick wall and it's something you want to avoid.
Acknowledgement can be something as simple as a nod of the head or a simple "uh huh." You
aren't necessarily agreeing with the person, you are simply indicating that you are listening. Using
body language and other signs to acknowledge you are listening also reminds you to pay
attention and not let your mind wander.
You should also try to respond to the speaker in a way that will both encourage him or her to
continue speaking, so that you can get the information if you need. While nodding and "uh
huhing" says you're interested, an occasional question or comment to recap what has been said
communicates that you understand the message as well.
Becoming an Active Listener
There are five key elements of active listening. They all help you ensure that you hear the other
person, and that the other person knows you are hearing what they say.
1. Pay attention.
Give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge the message.
Recognize that non-verbal communication also "speaks" loudly.
Nod occasionally.
Smile and use other facial expressions.
Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.
Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments
like yes, and uh huh.
3. Provide feedback.
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we
hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may
require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.
Tip: If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say so, and
ask for more information: "I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find
myself taking what you said personally. What I thought you just said is XXX; is that
what you meant?".
4. Defer judgment.
Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full
understanding of the message.
5. Respond Appropriately.
Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining
information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or
otherwise putting him or her down.
Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
Assert your opinions respectfully.
Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated.
Key Points
It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active listener. Old habits
are hard to break, and if your listening habits are as bad as many people's are, then
there's a lot of habit-breaking to do!
Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself frequently that your goal is to
truly hear what the other person is saying. Set aside all other thoughts and behaviors
and concentrate on the message. Ask questions, reflect, and paraphrase to ensure
you understand the message. If you don't, then you'll find that what someone says to
you and what you hear can be amazingly different!
Start using active listening today to become a better communicator, improve your
workplace productivity, and develop better relationships.
Do you ever need someone to listen to you? Our mentors are available.
Listening makes our loved ones feel worthy, appreciated, interesting, and respected. Ordinary
conversations emerge on a deeper level, as do our relationships. When we listen, we foster the
skill in others by acting as a model for positive and effective communication.
In our love relationships, greater communication brings greater intimacy. Parents listening to
their kids helps build their self-esteem. In the business world, listening saves time and money by
preventing misunderstandings. And we always learn more when we listen than when we talk.
Listening skills fuel our social, emotional and professional success, and studies prove that
listening is a skill we can learn.
The Technique. Active listening is really an extension of the Golden Rule. To know how to listen
to someone else, think about how you would want to be listened to.
While the ideas are largely intuitive, it might take some practice to develop (or re-develop) the
skills. Here’s what good listeners know — and you should, too:
1. Face the speaker. Sit up straight or lean forward slightly to show your attentiveness through
body language.
2. Maintain eye contact, to the degree that you all remain comfortable.
3. Minimize external distractions. Turn off the TV. Put down your book or magazine, and ask
the speaker and other listeners to do the same.
4. Respond appropriately to show that you understand. Murmur (“uh-huh” and “um-hmm”) and
nod. Raise your eyebrows. Say words such as “Really,” “Interesting,” as well as more direct
prompts: “What did you do then?” and “What did she say?”
5. Focus solely on what the speaker is saying. Try not to think about what you are going to say
next. The conversation will follow a logical flow after the speaker makes her point.
6. Minimize internal distractions. If your own thoughts keep horning in, simply let them go and
continuously re-focus your attention on the speaker, much as you would during meditation.
7. Keep an open mind. Wait until the speaker is finished before deciding that you disagree. Try
not to make assumptions about what the speaker is thinking.
Have you tried and tried but your best is still not good enough? Don’t know what to do
next? Talk to a mentor.
8. Avoid letting the speaker know how you handled a similar situation. Unless they
specifically ask for advice, assume they just need to talk it out.
9. Even if the speaker is launching a complaint against you, wait until they finish to defend
yourself. The speaker will feel as though their point had been made. They won’t feel the need to
repeat it, and you’ll know the whole argument before you respond. Research shows that, on
average, we can hear four times faster than we can talk, so we have the ability to sort ideas as
they come in…and be ready for more.
10. Engage yourself. Ask questions for clarification, but, once again, wait until the speaker has
finished. That way, you won’t interrupt their train of thought. After you ask questions, paraphrase
their point to make sure you didn’t misunderstand. Start with: “So you’re saying…”
As you work on developing your listening skills, you may feel a bit panicky when there is a natural
pause in the conversation. What should you say next? Learn to settle into the silence and use it
to better understand all points of view.
Ironically, as your listening skills improve, so will your aptitude for conversation. A
friend of my partner once complimented me on my conversational skills. I hadn’t said
more than four words, but I had listened to him for 25 minutes.
http://powertochange.com/students/people/listen/
Jim P (psychotherapist)says:
May 21, 2012 at 9:32 pm
Excellent work. I’ve made a few changes.
Listening makes our loved ones feel worthy, appreciated, interesting, and respected. Ordinary
conversations emerge on a deeper level, as do our relationships. When we listen, we foster the
skill in others by acting as a model for positive, effective, supportive communication.
In our love relationships, greater communication brings greater intimacy. Parents listening to their
kids helps build their self-esteem. In the business world, listening saves time and money by
preventing misunderstandings. And we always learn more when we listen than when we talk.
Listening skills fuel our social, emotional and professional success, and studies prove that
listening is a skill we can learn.
The Technique. Active listening is really an extension of the Golden Rule. To know how to listen to
someone else, think about how you would want to be listened to.
While the ideas are largely intuitive, it likely will take some patient practice to develop (or re-
develop) the skills. Here’s what good listeners know — and you should, too:
1. Face the speaker. Sit up straight or lean forward slightly to show your attentiveness through
body language.
2. Maintain eye contact, to the degree that you all remain comfortable.
3. Minimize external distractions. Turn off the TV. Put down your book or magazine, and ask the
speaker and other listeners to do the same.
4. Respond appropriately to show that you understand. Murmur (“uh-huh” and “um-hmm”) and
nod. Raise your eyebrows. Say words such as “Really,” “Interesting,” as well as more direct
prompts: “What did you do then?” and “What did she say?”
5. Focus solely on what the speaker is saying. Try not to think about what you are going to say
next. The conversation will follow a logical flow after the speaker makes her point.
6. Minimize internal distractions. If your own thoughts keep horning in, simply let them go and
continuously re-focus your attention on the speaker, much as you would during meditation.
7. Keep an open mind. Wait until the speaker is finished before deciding that you disagree. Try
not to make assumptions about what the speaker is thinking.
Have you tried and tried but your best is still not good enough? Don’t know what to do next? Talk
to a mentor.
8. Avoid letting the speaker know how you handled a similar situation. Unless they specifically ask
if you’ve had a similar situation, don’t shift to discussing a past experience. Shifting the focus of
conversation from them to you can feel like you are bored, or don’t care, and leave them feeling
alone or abandoned.
9. Even if their topic causes you some emotional stress or discomfort, don’t rush to give advice
and free yourself of the discomfort. The speaker will feel as though you haven’t let them finish,
haven’t helped them to explore and make sense out of all their thoughts and feelings. edir point
had been made. They won’t feel the need to repeat it, and you’ll know the whole argument before
you respond. Research shows that, on average, we can hear four times faster than we can talk,
so we have the ability to sort ideas as they come in…and be ready for more.
10. Engage yourself. Ask questions for clarification, but, once again, wait until the speaker has
finished. That way, you won’t interrupt their train of thought. You have four tools to choose from
enhance your listening and provide emotional support:
• Nod or say “uh-huh” to encourage them to continue
• Like a mirror does with images, reflect back conversationally and paraphrase something they
have said or something they may be feeling. Make sure you didn’t misunderstand, let them know
you’re actively listening and perhaps let them revisit an important point or theme.
• Ask questions, but when you think it helpful, need clarification, or suspect there’s something
important that hasn’t yet been mentioned. Don’t ask questions to reduce your stress or because
of your need to talk.
• Or just share silence with them, while maintaining eye contact. This can be extremely helpful,
extremely supportive time for them. you may feel panicky or uncomfortable when there is a
natural pause in the conversation. Learn to relax and be confident the conversation is progressing
just as it should.
Ironically, as your listening skills improve, so will your aptitude for conversation. A friend of my
partner once complimented me on my conversational skills. I hadn’t said more than four words,
but I had listened to him for 25 minutes.
Teaching Listening
Effective language instructors show students how they can adjust their
listening behavior to deal with a variety of situations, types of input, and
listening purposes. They help students develop a set of listening
strategies and match appropriate strategies to each listening situation.
Listening Strategies
Bottom-up strategies are text based; the listener relies on the language
in the message, that is, the combination of sounds, words, and grammar
that creates meaning. Bottom-up strategies include
http://www.nclrc.org/essentials/listening/stratlisten.htm
Attending
A: Eye contact
B: Posture
C: Gesture
S.O.L.E.R.
Five steps to attentive listening
Paraphrasing
What is it?
Restating a message, but usually with fewer words. Where possible try and get
more to the point.
Purpose:
E.g.
S: I just don’t understand, one minute she tells me to do this, and the next
minute to do that.
X: She really confuses you.
S: I really think he is a very nice guy. He’s so thoughtful, sensitive, and kind.
He calls me a lot. He’s fun to go out with.
X: You like him very much, then.
Clarifying
What is it: Process of bringing vague material into sharper focus.
Purpose:
Perception Checking
What is it: Request for verification of your perceptions.
Purpose:
e.g.
Let me see if I’ve got it straight. You said that you love your children and that
they are very important to you. At the same time you can’t stand being with
them. Is that what you are saying?
Summarizing
What is it: pulling together, organizing, and integrating the major aspects of
your dialogue. Pay attention to various themes and emotional overtones. Pout
key ideas and feelings into broad statements. DO NOT add new ideas.
Purpose:
e.g.
A number of good points have been made about rules for the classroom. Let’s
take a few minutes to go over them and write them on the board.
We’re going all over the map this morning. If I understand you correctly,
Primary Empathy
What is it: Reflection of content and feelings
Purpose:
Basic Formula:
e.g.
Student: I just don’t know how I am going to get all this math homework done
before tonight’s game especially since I don’t get most of this stuff you taught
us today.
Teacher: You are feeling frustrated and stuck…You are feeling frustrated and
stuck with math you don’t know how to do and you’re worried that you won’t
figure it out before you go to the game.
The main fear for you seems to be fear -- you’re really scared of losing your
relationship if things don’t get better.
It’s upsetting when someone doesn’t let you tell your side of the story.
Advanced Empathy
What is it: reflection of content and feeling at a deeper level.
e.g.
I get the sense that you are really angry about what was said, but I am
wondering if you also feel a little hurt by it.
You said that you feel more confident about contacting employers, but I wonder
if you also still feel a bit scared.
http://www.taftcollege.edu/lrc/class/assignments/actlisten.html
Teaching listening skills in the classroom to ESL students is a very important skill
that English language learners need to master. It helps students to sift through the
information that they hear over the recording and to pick out relevant information
that they can use. But listening exercises also have their disadvantages.
One of the main advantages of teaching listening skills is that students get to hear a
recording of different voices, accents, genders and so forth. They do not have to just
rely on the teacher to help perfect their spoken English, but they can also learn to
understand others who speak. It helps prepare students for real life situations, where
they will have to listen, respond to, and make sense of a variety of voices. But while in
the classroom, the recording can be played again and again for the students to get the
gist of what is being said and to make inferences about the overall meaning based on
the context.
Audio recordings are useful because of the diversity of speech patterns that students
can benefit from in their progress with the English language. Teachers can pick out
from two way dialogue, radio recordings or a monologue. These are examples of
natural speech that students will need to get used to outside the classroom as they
put their English to use.
However, one of the disadvantages of listening exercises is that students are not able
to see extra linguistic features such as facial expressions, gestures and body
language in order to be able to tell how the speaker feels and infer further meaning
from what is said. Italian and Greek are examples of two languages that make good
use of such extra linguistic features, as people "speak" with their hands and eyes, as
well as with their mouth. That is why students from these countries may find it
difficult to make sense of what they hear, as they are used to the visual delivery of
language, as well as the spoken word. But a change in tone or pitch can help students
to guess at the meaning of what is being said.
Another difficulty that students may have is the speed of the speech that they hear.
Natural spoken English is fast, rather than slow and easy to grasp. Students not only
have to work out what is being said during the recording, but they also need to apply
this information to the context. Does the speech have a literal meaning or are there
other ways to interpret what is being said? A recording can also be unclear and
muffled, or appear so to students who cannot put a face to the speech.
One way that teachers can help to overcome the problem of listening exercises is to
play the recording twice. The first time can be to help students look out for the gist of
the overall meaning of the recording. Taking down brief notes can help students to
decode what is being said. When it is played back a second time, they can then listen
out for any other relevant information that was missed the first time around.
Teachers need to thoroughly prepare students for listening exercises. They can do
this by going over some new vocabulary that will be coming up in the recording,
explaining its meaning and any other ways in which the same words can have
different meanings and the different functions of phrases. For example, "You could
have told me!" is an accusatory statement intended to let another person know of
their displeasure in having information withheld from them. Therefore, it is not just
what is said, but the overall context that is also important in helping students to work
out the actual meaning of what they hear.
Teachers will need to tailor their lesson plan according to their students' level of
understanding in order to have the most success during listening exercises. If not,
the information will not benefit them as much and they will fail to get the gist of the
listening exercise.