Ryan Tristan O. Digan It is His work… not mine!

IT IS HIS WORK… NOT MINE!

“It is His work… not mine!” This is how I describe the first part of the book,

“Celebration of Discipline; The Path to Spiritual Growth” by Richard J. Foster. Reading

the first chapter of this book has encouraged me to reflect again on my own spiritual

journey in relation to my personal issues in life. I am struck by what I read, even if I am

just beginning to read it. It has given me an idea on what I would be reading and would

be discovering in the succeeding chapters of this book. It is very interesting indeed.

Where am I now in terms of spirituality? After a year in the seminary, I could say

that there are really changes especially in terms of my personality and people could attest

to that. I remember my former officemates when we had the chance to see each other in

the past two semestral breaks (last year and this year), they told me that I am tamer now

than before. They were surprised because unlike before when we have conversations, it

is always me who would react negatively and they would always hear my voice whenever

we have gatherings. In the encounters that we had this year and last year, they told me

that they have noted some changes in me.

One incident that happened was when we had our dinner in a restaurant. The food

attendant was in haste to remove the used plates on the other tables and he was

somehow discourteous to us as he begun removing our used plates on our own table

even if we were not yet done with our dinner. My former officemate, Shiendy reacted and

she was so tempted to call the attention of that food attendant and reprimand him.

However, it was I who pacified her and told her to extend our patience and be

compassionate to that particular crew because he might be on something. When we had

our coffee afterwards, they asked me if the Ryan that they are bonding with that very night

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Ryan Tristan O. Digan It is His work… not mine!

is the same Ryan that they knew before because as they said, they were surprised by

how I dealt the situation in the restaurant.

That incident is just one of the so many incidents where I could say that there are

really changes in myself after I entered the seminary. However, going back to my

question, “where am I now in terms of spirituality?” I would say that while it is true that

there had been changes already, but I could still consider those changes as part of my

willful act to change. Henceforth, there are still times when I am triggered by certain

situations especially those that triggers me. Is it normal? I would say that it is. But I

realized as I was reflecting on the first chapter of the book, my manifestation of changes

would be good, better and more genuine if I learn to develop a deep and a more personal

relationship with God. Have I not developed it yet after almost two years in this seminary?

I have. But it is gradual and inconsistent. Sometimes, I find myself being too lazy to be in

silence, to keep quiet with God, and to engage Him in my prayers. Oftentimes, I just take

Him for granted and do my own prayers quickly.

I think this is what Richard Foster refers to as “superficiality.” In disguise of

busyness and tiredness, I had neglected so many opportunities for me to grow spiritually.

I have not gone deeper in terms of my conversation with God. Although I would always

say that I trust the Lord but I realized now, after reading the first chapter of the book that

even those words are mere superficial. I have not trusted the Lord enough. Instead, I was

blinded by my belief that I can do the changes by myself. As the saying goes, “if there is

a will, there is a way.” For me, this is a kind of “will worship” as described by Richard

Foster. This kind of thinking will only produce temporary success. We cannot do

everything if we rely only to ourselves… and yes, I cannot do anything if I will stick to that

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Ryan Tristan O. Digan It is His work… not mine!

kind of thinking. It is important that I develop a more intimate relationship with God so that

He could form me into what He really intends me to be.

But what about the changes that I have mentioned earlier? Perhaps those are real

changes – they are valid and I could say that in those incidents and occasions, I was

really true to myself. But I would still describe this being “true to myself” as an action verb.

There is a will coming from me to be true to myself. Now I am seeing what is lacking in

here. My relationship with God. If I continue to rely on my own capacities to change, there

would always be tendencies for me to relapse. To go back to my old ugly personality –

the one who always reacts aggressively, the one who have difficulties to accept criticisms,

the one who never allows anyone to get ahead of him. It is His work… not mine! According

to Richard Foster, “the needed change within us is God’s work, not ours.” But my

cooperation is also needed – I need to be open for me to be able to receive God’s gracious

gifts.

Foster said that, “the path does not produce the change; it only places us where

the change can occur.” The seminary formation and my being a seminarian could be a

place for me where changes can occur, but changes will only happen if I remain faithful

in developing and strengthening my own relationship with God. In this way, I would

consider all the needed change not as an obligation to fulfill but an invitation to bring out

my inner goodness that emanates from the one who created me, the source of all beings.

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