Death Takes the Train

by D. M. Larson

Narrator: A train car is empty. Groups of people shuffle in and settle in to seats to the
right. People are talking about their trips and their destinations and how
tired or hungry they are. Then after a pause, the Grim Reaper walks on to
the train and sits alone at the left side of the train car.
Ryan: Is that who I think it is?
Tin: I think so.
Henry: What's he doing on this train?
Ryan: How do you know it's a he?
Sam: Death is always a guy.
Tin: Always?
Sam: I think so.
Tin: But he's wearing a dress.
Henry: Or is more of a moo-moo.
Tin: Robe... it's a robe. Guys can wear robes.
Ryan: After a shower.
Sam: Or if they are some kind of judge.
Henry: Death is a like a judge.
Leon: True... I see what you mean.
Ryan: A justice of the peace?
Sam: A justice of rest in peace.
Tin: Nice one.
Henry: Thanks.
Ryan: You're welcome.
Tin :So what's he doing here?
Sam: He's got a client I guess.
Tin: One of us?
Henry: No, he's probably on his way somewhere.
Leon: Why is death taking the train?
Ryan: His winged horse o' death didn't have the guts to go there... get it... because it's
a skeleton horse... no guts...
Tin: Please don't explain the joke. It's not funny if you have to explain it.
Henry: Geez... I'll just let Mitch make all the jokes then.
Sam: Thank you.
Leon: You're welcome.
Ryan: Death taking the train doesn't make any sense. Doesn't that take too long?
Henry: Wouldn't death be in more of a hurry?
Sam: Maybe not... modern medicine is keeping people alive longer. Maybe he's not
in a hurry anymore.
Tin: Maybe he's on a tight budget like the rest of us. The bad economy is even
affecting life and death.
Leon: I like Mitch's theory better.
Henry: Of course you do.
Ryan: Mitch has a point.
Sam: People aren't dying as quick as they used to or as often.
Tin: Modern medicine can keep people alive for years beyond what normally would
kill them.
Leon: So Death saves money and takes the train.
Sam: And he's being very environmentally aware too.
Henry: Trains burn much less energy than planes and cars.
Tin: Death is doing his part to help the Earth.
Ryan: Wouldn't Death like pollution?
Leon: Not necessarily. Maybe he likes the natural order of things.
Henry: Maybe he's doing what he can to help restore the balance that people offset
through technological advancements.
Tin: Well said.
Ryan: Thanks.
Tin: I wonder where Death takes people?
Sam: To the H-E-double hockey sticks place down below.
Henry: What if they're good?
Tin: Heaven.
Leon: Wouldn't that be an angel then?
Sam: We're all assuming there is a heaven...
Ryan: I'd like to think there is.
Tin: It's nicer that way... thinking there is someplace good we go if we lived a good
life.
Henry: And that bad people are punished for being bad.
Sam: But who decides what is good and what is bad?
Tin: God.
Ryan: What if you don't believe in God?
Tin: That's okay. God still believes in you.
Sam: I'd feel a whole lot better facing death if I knew for sure.
Leon: Just the fact that we see Death sitting over there gives me hope that there is
something more beyond life.
Tin: Wow, who would have thought seeing Death would make you feel hopeful?
That's some serious optimism you got there, Mitch.
Sam: I wonder if he would talk to us. I'd love to ask him about all this. Life after
death... good vs. evil...
Leon: He doesn't look like much of a talker. And what if he speaks Latin or Ewok or
something like that?
Henry: I'm just making a point that he might be from somewhere else.
Ryan: I'd go with Latin over Ewok.
Sam: Or maybe he has a universal translator that helps him understand all languages.
Tin: That would make sense.
Leon: No it doesn't... none of this does. Doesn't it strike you as weird that we've
never seen death before?
Henry: True. I've never seen him before.
Leon: You don't think that means...
Tin: What happened to Mr. Optimism?
Sam: He jumped the train.
Ryan: Do you think he could be here for us?
Henry: All of us?
Narrator: They pause. They look at Death and then each other nervously. They're all
quiet a moment thinking. Tina chews some gum... blows a bubble and the
other three jump when it pops.

Sam: Do you think the train could be crashing or something?

Ryan: That's the only way I can see all of us dying.
Tin: Should we warn the conductor?
Leon: We could get off at the next station.
Henry: Or maybe we should face Death head on without fear.
Narrator: Henry stands and the others huddle in fear. Henry takes a few steps toward
Death but then slows as he gets closer. He starts to choke and stumble. The
others rush to him and help him back to their side of the car.
Tin: What happened?
Ryan:
It's like he couldn't breathe.
(Henry nods.)
Ryan: Like the air around him is deadly.
Sam: So much for talking to Death.
Leon: Are you okay, Henry?
(Henry nods again.)
Sam: What's the matter? Did he talk you to death? Death got your tongue?
Tin: Not funny, Mel.
Leon: Come on... my jokes that bad?
Tin: Let's just say they bore me to death.
Ryan: (Sarcastic) Funny.
Tin: Jealous?
Sam: No.
Henry: Remind me not to do that again.
Tin: What did he do you?
Henry: Nothing directly I don't think. It's like the air around him is deadly.
Ryan: Maybe Death farted or something.
Tin: Care to go see?
Leon: No, that's okay... so what are we going to do?
Sam: How far is the next station? We could get off.
Ryan: Wait... what if we're already dead and Death is the conductor?
Sam: We could test that theory at the next station. Let's get ready to get off.
Henry: You all can get off... I'm staying. I have somewhere to be and I can't be late.
Tin: What if Death is here for you though? Then you won't make it anyway.
Henry: If he's not here for us then we waste a lot of time by getting off.
Sam: I think I'd rather gamble with being late than dead.
Leon: Here's the next station... I'm going.
Narrator: Leon gets up and the train stops so he stumbles to the ground.
Tin: Wait until the train stops, idiot.
Leon: I'm not dead am I?
Tin: Afraid not.
Tin helps Leon up and Leon heads off the train.
Ryan: Come on, guys. Please.
Sam: I can't miss my kid's birthday. I promised her. She's counting on me.
Tin: Okay, Sam. Take care of yourself.
Sam: I will.
Narrator: Tin exits and then it is only Henry and Death.
Henry: So Death... what's it going to be?

Narrator: After a pause, Death gets up and follows the others. Mitch stands and is
scared. He rushes to the window and faces the audience and looks out in fear for his
friends.