1

00:00:32,846 --> 00:00:34,097

Principal Vagina here...

2
00:00:34,181 --> 00:00:36,224
Don't let the name fool you.
I'm very much in charge...

3
00:00:36,308 --> 00:00:39,143
reminding you that tonight is
our annual Flu Season Dance.

4
00:00:39,228 --> 00:00:41,187
I don't know how many times
I have to say this,

5
00:00:41,272 --> 00:00:43,147
but if you have the flu,
stay home.

6
00:00:43,232 --> 00:00:44,148
Hey.

7
00:00:44,233 --> 00:00:46,067
The Flu Season Dance is about
awareness, not celebration.

8
00:00:47,570 --> 00:00:49,404
You don't bring dead babies
to Passover.

9
00:00:49,488 --> 00:00:53,491
Okay. Here we go.
H-Hey, Jessica. Uh...

10
00:00:53,576 --> 00:00:55,535
What's up, Morty?

11
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What are you doing?

12
00:00:56,912 --> 00:00:58,538
- Um...
- Wait, wait.

13
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Were you about to talk...
to her?

14
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Well... I mean, I was
thinking about it.

15
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Dude, stay in your league.

16
00:01:05,379 --> 00:01:07,630
Look at how hot she is.
You don't see me going...

17
00:01:07,715 --> 00:01:09,465
to a bigger school
in a wealthier district

18
00:01:09,550 --> 00:01:11,134
and hitting on their
prettiest girl.

19
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Gee, thanks, Brad.

20
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I throw balls far.

21
00:01:14,346 --> 00:01:15,847
You want good words?

22
00:01:15,931 --> 00:01:17,557
Date a languager.

23
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Try not to worry about it, Morty.

24
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You're a good kid,
and there's not a premium

25
00:01:21,312 --> 00:01:23,062
on that right now,
but you'll be getting girls

26
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sometime after Brad's
out of shape.

27
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You're missing the point, Dad.

28
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I don't want girls.
I want Jessica.

29
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Ah, well, I remember
feeling that way

30
00:01:32,031 --> 00:01:34,115
about a young lady named
"your mom,"

31
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and that's not an urban diss.

32
00:01:35,659 --> 00:01:37,160
Your mom was my Jessica.

33
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I remember the first time
I saw her.

34
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I thought...
- "I should get her pregnant,

35
00:01:40,289 --> 00:01:41,706
and then she'll have
to marry me."

36
00:01:41,790 --> 00:01:43,916
I beg your pardon, Rick...
inappropriate.

37
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Sorry, please proceed
with your story

38
00:01:45,669 --> 00:01:47,295
about banging my daughter
in high school.
39
00:01:47,379 --> 00:01:49,714
I'm not sure you wanna take
romantic advice from this guy, Morty.

40
00:01:49,798 --> 00:01:51,716
His marriage is hanging
from a thread.

41
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,093
My marriage is fine,
thank you.

42
00:01:54,178 --> 00:01:55,720
Jerry, it's your house...
whatever you say it is

43
00:01:55,804 --> 00:01:57,597
is how it is... but I think
a blind man could see

44
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that Beth is looking
for the door.

45
00:01:59,391 --> 00:02:01,601
I barely have a reason to care,
and even I noticed.

46
00:02:01,685 --> 00:02:03,895
Come on, Rick! Don't talk
about my parents like that.

47
00:02:03,979 --> 00:02:05,730
Listen, Morty, I hate
to break it to you,

48
00:02:05,814 --> 00:02:07,398
but what people call "love"

49
00:02:07,483 --> 00:02:09,734
is just a chemical reaction that
compels animals to breed.

50
00:02:09,818 --> 00:02:12,403
It hits hard, Morty,
then it slowly fades,
51
00:02:12,488 --> 00:02:14,405
leaving you stranded
in a failing marriage.

52
00:02:14,490 --> 00:02:16,407
I did it.
Your parents are gonna do it.

53
00:02:16,492 --> 00:02:17,784
Break the cycle, Morty.

54
00:02:17,868 --> 00:02:19,661
Rise above. Focus on science.

55
00:02:21,747 --> 00:02:24,624
All right, well, I'm gonna go
get dressed for the dance.

56
00:02:24,708 --> 00:02:28,503
Yeah, I'm just going to...
check on your mom.

57
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,965
Morty, hand me
that screwdriver, huh?

58
00:02:33,050 --> 00:02:35,802
I'm almost finished making
my ionic defibulizer, Morty.

59
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It's gonna be great.
- Hey, listen, Rick.

60
00:02:37,846 --> 00:02:39,639
Y-Y-You know how you said
that, you know,

61
00:02:39,723 --> 00:02:41,683
love is a chemical
and all that stuff from earlier?

62
00:02:41,767 --> 00:02:42,975
Well, I was thinking,
you know,

63
00:02:43,060 --> 00:02:45,687
w-w... could you make some sort
of chemical thing happen

64
00:02:45,771 --> 00:02:47,230
inside of Jessica's mind,
you know,

65
00:02:47,314 --> 00:02:48,898
so where she falls in love
with me

66
00:02:48,982 --> 00:02:50,400
and all that sort of thing?

67
00:02:50,484 --> 00:02:52,485
You know, like, some sort
of love potion or something?

68
00:02:52,569 --> 00:02:54,153
Morty, that's such
a poor use of my time.

69
00:02:54,238 --> 00:02:56,489
It's beneath me.
Hand me the screwdriver.

70
00:02:56,573 --> 00:02:58,157
You know what?
No, Rick!

71
00:02:58,242 --> 00:02:59,784
I'm not gonna hand you
the screwdriver.

72
00:02:59,868 --> 00:03:01,786
I-I'm not gonna hand you
anything ever again, Rick!

73
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:04,205
I'm always helping you with this
and that and the other thing.

74
00:03:04,289 --> 00:03:06,374
W-W-W-W-W-What about me,
Rick?

75
00:03:06,458 --> 00:03:08,376
W-W-W-W-Why can't you just
help me out once...

76
00:03:08,460 --> 00:03:09,794
once... for once?

77
00:03:09,878 --> 00:03:11,963
You're growing up fast, Morty.

78
00:03:12,047 --> 00:03:15,049
You're growing into a real big
thorn straight up into my ass.

79
00:03:15,134 --> 00:03:17,051
Listen, this is called
oxytocin.

80
00:03:17,136 --> 00:03:18,511
I extracted it from a vole.

81
00:03:18,595 --> 00:03:20,221
Do you know what a vole is,
Morty?

82
00:03:20,305 --> 00:03:21,973
You know what a vole is?
It's a... it's a rodent

83
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that mates for life,
Morty.

84
00:03:23,767 --> 00:03:26,060
This is the chemical released
in a mammal's brain, you know,

85
00:03:26,145 --> 00:03:27,478
that makes it fall in love.

86
00:03:27,563 --> 00:03:29,814
I just gotta...
combine it with your DNA.

87
00:03:29,898 --> 00:03:31,649
Oh, well, okay.
88
00:03:31,734 --> 00:03:33,651
A hair, Morty.
I need one of your hairs.

89
00:03:33,736 --> 00:03:35,403
This isn't
"Game of Thrones."

90
00:03:35,487 --> 00:03:36,946
Ow!

91
00:03:37,030 --> 00:03:38,948
All right, Morty, whoever
you smear this stuff on

92
00:03:39,032 --> 00:03:40,992
will fall in love with you,
and only you, forever.

93
00:03:41,076 --> 00:03:42,994
Are you happy now, Morty?
- Heck, yeah!

94
00:03:43,078 --> 00:03:45,079
Thank you, Grandpa Rick.

95
00:03:45,164 --> 00:03:46,956
Hey, there's no...
dangers or anything,

96
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,499
or side effects,
right?

97
00:03:48,584 --> 00:03:50,168
W-W-W-What am I,
a hack?

98
00:03:50,252 --> 00:03:52,420
Go nuts, Morty.
It's fool proof.

99
00:03:54,298 --> 00:03:57,008
Eh, unless she has the flu.

100
00:03:57,092 --> 00:03:59,886
Beth, do y-you still
love me?

101
00:03:59,970 --> 00:04:02,305
Ugh, what kind
of question is that?

102
00:04:02,389 --> 00:04:04,223
The "yes or no" kind?

103
00:04:04,308 --> 00:04:06,726
Jerry, do you want
homeless people to have homes?

104
00:04:06,810 --> 00:04:07,977
Yes.

105
00:04:08,061 --> 00:04:09,061
Are you gonna build
them?

106
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No.

107
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Then what good was
the "yes"?

108
00:04:11,940 --> 00:04:14,859
Wait, i-is loving me the house
or the homeless people?

109
00:04:14,943 --> 00:04:17,737
Loving you is work,
Jerry... hard work,

110
00:04:17,821 --> 00:04:19,739
like building
a homeless shelter...

111
00:04:19,823 --> 00:04:21,657
nobody wants to say
no to doing it,

112
00:04:21,742 --> 00:04:23,367
but some people put
the work in.
113
00:04:23,452 --> 00:04:25,536
So, what do you say?
Do you see me working here?

114
00:04:25,621 --> 00:04:27,914
Does this conversation seem
tedious to me?

115
00:04:27,998 --> 00:04:29,248
Sort of.

116
00:04:29,333 --> 00:04:30,958
Then I obviously
sort of love you, don't I?

117
00:04:32,377 --> 00:04:34,045
So stop asking, and maybe
I'll love you more.

118
00:04:34,129 --> 00:04:36,047
Crap, they need me
at the horse hospital.

119
00:04:36,131 --> 00:04:37,298
Puh! This late?

120
00:04:37,382 --> 00:04:39,592
The racetrack
had a starlight derby.

121
00:04:39,676 --> 00:04:41,135
There was a seven-horse
collision,

122
00:04:41,220 --> 00:04:43,095
and Davin's there
alone.

123
00:04:43,180 --> 00:04:46,015
Davin. Davin.

124
00:04:46,099 --> 00:04:48,226
Davin! Davin.

125
00:04:48,310 --> 00:04:50,561
Davin!
Davin!

126
00:04:50,646 --> 00:04:52,939
Davin! Davin!

127
00:04:53,023 --> 00:04:54,941
♪ Flu, yo. You gotta be aware ♪

128
00:04:55,025 --> 00:04:56,943
♪ Aware of all the flu
up in the air ♪

129
00:04:57,027 --> 00:04:59,612
♪ I'm-a get me a shot,
make the flu go away ♪

130
00:04:59,696 --> 00:05:01,906
♪ Flu-hating rapper,
just rapping away ♪

131
00:05:01,990 --> 00:05:04,283
♪ Yo, yo,
flu-hating rapper ♪

132
00:05:04,368 --> 00:05:05,618
♪ It's a flu-hating rap ♪

133
00:05:05,702 --> 00:05:09,997
Hey, there, Jessica.
Whoa! Oh, whoopsie!

134
00:05:10,082 --> 00:05:12,542
Oh, my god.
Morty.

135
00:05:12,626 --> 00:05:14,794
You look really nice
tonight.

136
00:05:14,878 --> 00:05:17,797
- Wow, thanks.
- I love you, Morty!

137
00:05:17,881 --> 00:05:19,799
I love you so much
it burns!
138
00:05:19,883 --> 00:05:22,802
Oh, man!
I-I love you too, Jessica!

139
00:05:24,096 --> 00:05:26,013
Is this punk bothering you,
Jessica?

140
00:05:26,098 --> 00:05:28,432
Leave him alone, jerk!
I'm in love with him!

141
00:05:28,517 --> 00:05:30,434
He is more man
than you will ever be!

142
00:05:31,728 --> 00:05:33,604
♪ This is about flu awareness ♪

143
00:05:33,689 --> 00:05:36,232
♪ Gotta be aware of the flu
in the air-ness ♪

144
00:05:36,316 --> 00:05:38,568
♪ Yo, I'm a flu-hating
rapper ♪

145
00:05:38,652 --> 00:05:40,570
Oh, man, Morty.

146
00:05:40,654 --> 00:05:42,238
I'm really sorry.

147
00:05:42,322 --> 00:05:44,657
Oh, well,
n-no problem, Brad.

148
00:05:44,741 --> 00:05:46,909
There's something special
about you, Morty...

149
00:05:46,994 --> 00:05:48,327
so special.

150
00:05:48,412 --> 00:05:50,329
Whoa, take it easy!
Get your hands off of him!

151
00:05:50,414 --> 00:05:52,331
Back off!
I'm trying to be with my man!

152
00:05:52,416 --> 00:05:53,916
That's enough, Bradley!

153
00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:55,668
We don't want you injuring
your ball-throwing arm.

154
00:05:55,752 --> 00:05:57,169
Oh, come on,
Principal Vagina. I just...

155
00:05:57,254 --> 00:05:59,422
Never leave me, Morty.
Never!

156
00:05:59,506 --> 00:06:02,466
Uh, sure.
I mean, o-of course not.

157
00:06:02,551 --> 00:06:04,969
W-What do you think that
was all about?

158
00:06:05,053 --> 00:06:06,721
Who cares? Just hold me.

159
00:06:06,805 --> 00:06:09,140
Let me go!
I love you, Morty!

160
00:06:10,434 --> 00:06:11,976
Let go of me!

161
00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:14,729
Morty!

162
00:06:19,151 --> 00:06:21,444
She's gonna be alone
with that guy all night.
163
00:06:21,528 --> 00:06:23,446
Yeah, Dad, digging
around the insides of horses.

164
00:06:23,530 --> 00:06:25,239
It's not a very romantic setting.

165
00:06:25,324 --> 00:06:26,991
Well, Summer,
there's always the possibility

166
00:06:27,075 --> 00:06:28,701
that she made the whole
work thing up.

167
00:06:28,785 --> 00:06:30,703
Maybe Davin's digging around
in her insides.

168
00:06:30,787 --> 00:06:33,664
Grandpa, so gross!
You're talking about my mom.

169
00:06:33,749 --> 00:06:35,333
Well, she's
my daughter, Summer.

170
00:06:35,417 --> 00:06:36,834
I outrank you.

171
00:06:36,919 --> 00:06:39,587
Or family means nothing, in
which case don't play that card.

172
00:06:39,671 --> 00:06:41,380
She's not responding
to my texts!

173
00:06:41,465 --> 00:06:43,841
Careful, Dad.
Jealousy turns women off.

174
00:06:43,926 --> 00:06:45,593
Well, isn't that
convenient?

175
00:06:45,677 --> 00:06:47,386
Not for the men
they cheat on, no.

176
00:06:47,471 --> 00:06:49,805
Okay, I'm...
going to go out...

177
00:06:49,890 --> 00:06:51,140
for some ice cream.

178
00:06:51,224 --> 00:06:52,725
And maybe
stop by the hospital...

179
00:06:52,809 --> 00:06:54,685
to support my wife...

180
00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:56,979
with my confidence.

181
00:06:57,064 --> 00:06:59,190
God, Grandpa,
you're such a dick.

182
00:06:59,274 --> 00:07:01,984
I'm sorry, Summer. Your opinion
means very little to me.

183
00:07:02,069 --> 00:07:04,153
How come you're not at this
stupid dance everyone loves?

184
00:07:04,237 --> 00:07:06,155
Screw that.
I don't wanna get sick.

185
00:07:06,239 --> 00:07:07,907
It's flu season.
- It is?

186
00:07:07,991 --> 00:07:09,617
- Yeah.
- Uh-oh.

187
00:07:15,165 --> 00:07:17,083
Please just let this
work out.

188
00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:20,044
Do it, Morty. Do it.

189
00:07:20,128 --> 00:07:23,089
Rip my clothes off
and mate with me for life!

190
00:07:24,216 --> 00:07:26,968
Um... can we maybe go
somewhere more private?

191
00:07:27,052 --> 00:07:29,136
Jessica, get a hold of
yourself!

192
00:07:30,806 --> 00:07:33,474
You don't deserve to carry
Morty's genes.

193
00:07:33,558 --> 00:07:35,685
♪ I love Morty ♪

194
00:07:35,769 --> 00:07:38,187
♪ and I hope Morty loves me ♪

195
00:07:38,271 --> 00:07:40,898
♪ I'd like to wrap my arms
around him ♪

196
00:07:40,983 --> 00:07:43,192
♪ and feel him inside me ♪

197
00:07:43,276 --> 00:07:44,777
Oh, crap.

198
00:07:47,364 --> 00:07:49,281
Morty!

199
00:07:49,366 --> 00:07:51,784
Morty, come on!
We gotta get you out of here.

200
00:07:51,868 --> 00:07:53,786
You won't believe this 'cause
it usually never happens,

201
00:07:53,870 --> 00:07:55,246
but I made a mistake.

202
00:07:56,748 --> 00:07:58,457
Come on, Morty.
We got to get out of here.

203
00:07:58,542 --> 00:07:59,375
Come on.
- Morty!

204
00:07:59,459 --> 00:08:00,584
Are you okay?

205
00:08:00,669 --> 00:08:02,461
- I'm fine!
- Oh, good.

206
00:08:02,546 --> 00:08:05,131
If anything ever happened to
you, I would kill myself.

207
00:08:05,215 --> 00:08:07,299
I love you bad, Mo-Mo!

208
00:08:11,388 --> 00:08:13,222
Morty, the principal and I
have discussed it,

209
00:08:13,306 --> 00:08:16,809
a-a-and we're both insecure
enough to agree to a three-way!

210
00:08:20,689 --> 00:08:22,231
I didn't realize
when I gave you that serum

211
00:08:22,315 --> 00:08:24,108
that Jessica had the flu...
you know,

212
00:08:24,192 --> 00:08:26,944
t-t-t-t-t-that might have been
valuable information for me!
213
00:08:27,029 --> 00:08:28,279
What the hell is going
on, Rick?

214
00:08:28,363 --> 00:08:29,822
What does it look like?

215
00:08:29,906 --> 00:08:31,490
T-T-T-The serum is
piggybacking on the virus.

216
00:08:31,575 --> 00:08:32,992
It's gone airborne, Morty.

217
00:08:33,076 --> 00:08:35,536
Oh, crap.
What are we gonna do, Rick?

218
00:08:35,620 --> 00:08:37,121
It's gonna be fine,
Morty, relax.

219
00:08:37,205 --> 00:08:38,247
I whipped up an antidote.

220
00:08:38,331 --> 00:08:40,499
It's based on praying-mantis
DNA.

221
00:08:40,584 --> 00:08:42,501
You know, praying mantises
are the exact opposite of voles.

222
00:08:42,586 --> 00:08:43,836
I mean, they...
they mate once,

223
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,755
and then they, you know,
decapitate the partner.

224
00:08:45,839 --> 00:08:47,256
I mean, it's a whole ritual.

225
00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:49,383
It's really gruesome
and totally opposite.

226
00:08:49,468 --> 00:08:50,801
There's no love at all.

227
00:08:50,886 --> 00:08:53,262
I-I-I basically mixed this with
a more contagious flu virus.

228
00:08:53,346 --> 00:08:55,806
It should neutralize
the whole thing, Morty.

229
00:08:55,891 --> 00:08:57,516
It'll all be over
very shortly.

230
00:09:02,147 --> 00:09:04,065
Uh, by the way, Morty, I know
you didn't ask or anything,

231
00:09:04,149 --> 00:09:06,067
but I'm not interested
in having sex with you.

232
00:09:06,151 --> 00:09:07,777
These serums, they don't
work on anybody

233
00:09:07,861 --> 00:09:09,195
related to you
genetically.

234
00:09:09,279 --> 00:09:12,156
Morty!

235
00:09:23,126 --> 00:09:24,627
Okay, well, sometimes,

236
00:09:24,711 --> 00:09:26,629
science is more art
than science, Morty.

237
00:09:26,713 --> 00:09:28,589
A lot of people don't
get that.
238
00:09:35,972 --> 00:09:37,723
Come on.
Are you kidding me?

239
00:09:37,808 --> 00:09:40,684
Hello!
- Morty!

240
00:09:40,769 --> 00:09:43,771
You're not Morty!
Bring us Morty!

241
00:09:51,863 --> 00:09:53,781
Nobody's killing me...

242
00:09:53,865 --> 00:09:57,034
until after I catch my wife
with another man.

243
00:09:57,119 --> 00:09:59,370
I had sex with Billy.

244
00:09:59,454 --> 00:10:01,205
But you were already pregnant!

245
00:10:01,289 --> 00:10:02,790
Yeah, so what's the worst
that could happen?

246
00:10:02,874 --> 00:10:05,668
We interrupt "Pregnant Baby"
with breaking news.

247
00:10:05,752 --> 00:10:07,294
Come on.

248
00:10:07,379 --> 00:10:09,755
This just in... Morty Smith's
whereabouts are still unknown.

249
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,799
What the hell?

250
00:10:11,883 --> 00:10:14,635
The only thing that is known
is... how cute he is.
251
00:10:14,719 --> 00:10:17,221
I love him so much, I want
to make love to him

252
00:10:17,305 --> 00:10:18,889
and then eat his head.

253
00:10:18,974 --> 00:10:20,891
I love him more than you do,
Harold!

254
00:10:20,976 --> 00:10:22,643
You wish, you stupid bitch!

255
00:10:22,727 --> 00:10:24,270
- Morty's mine!
- Morty's mine!

256
00:10:24,354 --> 00:10:25,729
Meant to be together!

257
00:10:25,814 --> 00:10:28,899
Morty!

258
00:10:35,323 --> 00:10:36,782
Where is Morty?

259
00:10:50,213 --> 00:10:53,549
Oh, my god, Rick.
The whole world is infected!

260
00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:55,759
Yeah, it's pretty wild
how fast that spread.

261
00:10:55,844 --> 00:10:58,012
I've really outdone myself.
- Outdone yourself?!

262
00:10:58,096 --> 00:10:59,930
W-W... a-are... are you
kidding me, Rick?

263
00:11:00,015 --> 00:11:01,557
This is not okay!
264
00:11:01,641 --> 00:11:03,350
Not only do they all want
to have sex with me,

265
00:11:03,435 --> 00:11:05,352
but, you know, now they want
to eat me afterwards!

266
00:11:05,437 --> 00:11:06,812
Yeah, I don't know what
I was thinking.

267
00:11:06,897 --> 00:11:08,564
Mantises are
the opposite of voles?

268
00:11:08,648 --> 00:11:11,275
I mean, obviously, DNA's more
complicated than that.

269
00:11:11,359 --> 00:11:12,651
You know what, though,
Morty?

270
00:11:12,736 --> 00:11:14,486
This right here's gonna do
the trick, baby.

271
00:11:14,571 --> 00:11:16,989
It's koala mixed
with rattlesnake, chimpanzee,

272
00:11:17,073 --> 00:11:19,325
cactus, shark,
golden retriever,

273
00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:21,202
and just a smidge of dinosaur.

274
00:11:21,286 --> 00:11:22,953
Should add up
to normal humanity.

275
00:11:23,038 --> 00:11:24,788
I don't... that doesn't make
any sense, Rick.
276
00:11:24,873 --> 00:11:26,832
How does that add up
to normal humanity?

277
00:11:26,917 --> 00:11:28,584
What, Morty, you want me
to show you my math?

278
00:11:28,668 --> 00:11:30,252
I'm sorry... a-are you
the scientist

279
00:11:30,337 --> 00:11:32,129
or are you the kid
that wanted to get laid?

280
00:11:35,383 --> 00:11:37,176
Well, I'm glad we saved
all those horses,

281
00:11:37,260 --> 00:11:39,178
but I'm almost sorry
we're finished.

282
00:11:39,262 --> 00:11:40,763
Yes, it's satisfying
work.

283
00:11:40,847 --> 00:11:42,932
Unh-unh-unh, it's, uh...
it's more than the work.

284
00:11:43,016 --> 00:11:45,434
I love being
in that sterilized room,

285
00:11:45,518 --> 00:11:47,686
sealed off from the world.

286
00:11:47,771 --> 00:11:50,022
It's the only time I can
really think... and feel.

287
00:11:51,316 --> 00:11:53,609
Hmm, uh, what are you
doing?
288
00:11:53,693 --> 00:11:55,778
I'm playing
African dream pop.

289
00:11:55,862 --> 00:11:57,988
What do you do
after a long night?

290
00:11:59,241 --> 00:12:02,034
Oh, ha, um, hey, I b...
I'd better get going.

291
00:12:02,118 --> 00:12:04,787
Um, Jerry's been texting some
pretty high-maintenance stuff.

292
00:12:04,871 --> 00:12:06,747
- Beth...
- What is it, Davin?

293
00:12:06,831 --> 00:12:09,667
Just once, I'd like
to know...

294
00:12:11,753 --> 00:12:14,255
...w-w-what it was like
to give your son a bath.

295
00:12:14,339 --> 00:12:15,422
What?!

296
00:12:15,507 --> 00:12:18,842
What does Morty's skin
smell like?

297
00:12:18,927 --> 00:12:21,470
How soft...

298
00:12:21,554 --> 00:12:23,889
How soft are his privates?

299
00:12:23,974 --> 00:12:25,808
Let go of me, Davin!

300
00:12:31,690 --> 00:12:33,816
Take me to Morty.

301
00:12:35,151 --> 00:12:36,944
You're not Morty.

302
00:12:37,028 --> 00:12:39,488
No, I'm Mr. Crowbar,

303
00:12:39,572 --> 00:12:41,824
and this
is my friend,

304
00:12:41,908 --> 00:12:44,118
who is also
a crowbar.

305
00:12:44,202 --> 00:12:45,995
That's... stupid.

306
00:12:48,915 --> 00:12:50,040
Yeah?

307
00:12:50,125 --> 00:12:51,875
Well, look where being
smart got you.

308
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,877
Jerry! Thank God!

309
00:12:53,962 --> 00:12:55,045
God?

310
00:12:55,130 --> 00:12:58,132
God's turning people
into insect monsters, Beth.

311
00:12:58,216 --> 00:13:00,301
I'm the one beating them
to death.

312
00:13:00,385 --> 00:13:02,636
Thank me.
- Thank you, Jerry.

313
00:13:02,721 --> 00:13:04,054
Thank you.
314
00:13:08,685 --> 00:13:10,769
Take a good look down there,
Morty, and soak it in,

315
00:13:10,854 --> 00:13:12,313
because, you know,
once I pull this lever,

316
00:13:12,397 --> 00:13:13,689
it's all back to normal.

317
00:13:13,773 --> 00:13:15,232
Just do it already.

318
00:13:15,317 --> 00:13:17,067
Well, technically,
Morty, there's no rush.

319
00:13:17,152 --> 00:13:18,986
I mean, you know,
o-once it's fixed, it's done.

320
00:13:19,070 --> 00:13:20,821
It's fixed.
You know, we could...

321
00:13:20,905 --> 00:13:22,823
we could just enjoy it
for a little bit.

322
00:13:22,907 --> 00:13:24,283
I mean, I-I-I-look
at how crazy it is.

323
00:13:24,367 --> 00:13:25,951
I mean, Morty,
w-w-when's the next time

324
00:13:26,036 --> 00:13:27,453
you're gonna see
something like this?

325
00:13:27,537 --> 00:13:28,996
I mean, soak it in, you know?

326
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,664
It's... it's pretty neat.
It's pretty interesting.

327
00:13:30,749 --> 00:13:32,249
That's it, Rick!
I'm pulling the lever.

328
00:13:39,674 --> 00:13:41,050
W-What do we have here,
Morty?

329
00:13:41,134 --> 00:13:42,968
Looks like I was right
and you were wrong, huh?

330
00:13:43,053 --> 00:13:46,013
I-I-I-I-I bet you feel pretty
stupid right about now, huh?

331
00:13:46,097 --> 00:13:47,890
I-I-I bet you feel like
the world's smallest man

332
00:13:47,974 --> 00:13:50,184
that you were doubting me about
this whole thing, Morty.

333
00:13:50,268 --> 00:13:52,144
Oh, Rick, something's
not right.

334
00:13:52,228 --> 00:13:53,812
Yeah, you.

335
00:13:53,897 --> 00:13:55,147
You're not right... ever.

336
00:13:55,231 --> 00:13:57,024
No, no!
Look, you idiot!

337
00:14:21,299 --> 00:14:23,092
Bet you're loving this,
Morty.

338
00:14:23,176 --> 00:14:25,177
This must be the best day
of your life.

339
00:14:25,261 --> 00:14:28,097
You get to be the mayor
of I-Told-You Town.

340
00:14:28,181 --> 00:14:30,182
You're welcome.

341
00:14:40,026 --> 00:14:41,985
Hold on.

342
00:15:00,505 --> 00:15:02,798
I wish that shotgun
was my penis.

343
00:15:02,882 --> 00:15:05,759
If it were, you could
call me Ernest Hemingway.

344
00:15:05,844 --> 00:15:08,387
I don't get it,
and I don't need to.

345
00:15:09,472 --> 00:15:11,390
Mom! Dad!

346
00:15:11,474 --> 00:15:13,183
Summer!

347
00:15:15,186 --> 00:15:16,311
Where's Morty?

348
00:15:16,396 --> 00:15:17,688
I don't know.

349
00:15:17,772 --> 00:15:19,857
Do you think Grandpa Rick had
something to do with this?

350
00:15:19,941 --> 00:15:21,692
It's not fair to
assume that, Summer.

351
00:15:21,776 --> 00:15:23,735
Oh, not fair?
Give me a break.

352
00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:25,821
He is a selfish,
irresponsible ass,

353
00:15:25,905 --> 00:15:27,281
and he left my mother.

354
00:15:27,365 --> 00:15:30,159
A real man stands by
his woman.

355
00:15:35,123 --> 00:15:37,875
♪ Tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo-tchoo.
Tchoo-tchoo ♪

356
00:15:37,959 --> 00:15:40,544
Boy, I really Cronenberged
the world up, didn't I?

357
00:15:40,628 --> 00:15:42,379
We got a whole planet of
Cronenbergs

358
00:15:42,464 --> 00:15:44,047
walking around
down there, Morty.

359
00:15:44,132 --> 00:15:46,133
A-At least they're not in love
with you anymore, though.

360
00:15:46,217 --> 00:15:47,968
That's a huge step
in the right direction.

361
00:15:48,052 --> 00:15:50,262
Oh, my God!
It's a living nightmare!

362
00:15:50,346 --> 00:15:52,806
How could you be
so irresponsible, Rick?

363
00:15:52,891 --> 00:15:55,309
Me irresponsible?! You...
all I wanted you to do

364
00:15:55,393 --> 00:15:57,060
was hand me
a screwdriver, Morty!

365
00:15:57,145 --> 00:15:59,813
You're the one who wanted to
be... wanted me to buckle down

366
00:15:59,898 --> 00:16:02,149
and make you up a...
roofie-juice serum

367
00:16:02,233 --> 00:16:05,360
so you could roofie that
poor girl at your school.

368
00:16:05,445 --> 00:16:08,405
I mean, g... w-w-w-w-w... w...
are you kidding me, Morty?

369
00:16:08,490 --> 00:16:10,407
You're gonna try to take
the high road on this one?

370
00:16:10,492 --> 00:16:11,950
Y-Y-Y-Y-You're a little
creep, Morty.

371
00:16:12,035 --> 00:16:13,327
Y-You're a... you're...
you're...

372
00:16:13,411 --> 00:16:15,329
you're just a little creepy...
creep person.

373
00:16:15,413 --> 00:16:17,039
All right, fine. I should have
just listened to you

374
00:16:17,123 --> 00:16:18,665
when you refused to make
the serum.

375
00:16:18,750 --> 00:16:20,584
I'm willing to accept my part of
the blame for this, Rick.

376
00:16:20,668 --> 00:16:22,294
But I'll tell you something...
you know what?

377
00:16:22,378 --> 00:16:23,962
You gotta accept your part
of the blame!

378
00:16:24,047 --> 00:16:25,756
I'm not the one
who fouled up the serum!

379
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:27,591
I'm not the one who...
who... who...

380
00:16:27,675 --> 00:16:29,051
who haphazardly, you know,

381
00:16:29,135 --> 00:16:30,719
mixed a bunch of nonsense
together

382
00:16:30,803 --> 00:16:32,513
and created a bunch of
Cronenbergs!

383
00:16:32,597 --> 00:16:34,890
You gotta fix this, Rick!
- All right, all right, Morty.

384
00:16:34,974 --> 00:16:36,600
You know, w-w-w-we are
in a pretty deep hole, here,

385
00:16:36,684 --> 00:16:39,394
but I do have one emergency
solution that I can use

386
00:16:39,479 --> 00:16:41,313
that'll kind of put
everything back to normal,

387
00:16:41,397 --> 00:16:42,773
relatively speaking.

388
00:16:42,857 --> 00:16:44,274
Here, Morty, put this on
while I do

389
00:16:44,359 --> 00:16:46,276
a little bit
of scouting.

390
00:16:58,706 --> 00:17:00,624
Wow, Rick, I gotta say...

391
00:17:00,708 --> 00:17:02,751
you really pulled a rabbit out
of your hat this time.

392
00:17:02,835 --> 00:17:04,753
I mean, I-I really thought
that the whole place

393
00:17:04,837 --> 00:17:06,630
was gonna be
messed up for good,

394
00:17:06,714 --> 00:17:08,590
but here, you did it...
y-y-you... you...

395
00:17:08,675 --> 00:17:10,342
you figured out that crazy
solution,

396
00:17:10,426 --> 00:17:11,510
like you always do.

397
00:17:11,594 --> 00:17:13,345
Whoo!
That's some great luck.

398
00:17:13,429 --> 00:17:15,347
Come on, Morty. Luck had
nothing to do with it.

399
00:17:15,431 --> 00:17:18,392
I'm great.
That's the real reason.

400
00:17:18,476 --> 00:17:20,519
Now, Morty, what do you
say, buddy?

401
00:17:20,603 --> 00:17:22,354
Will you hand me
a screwdriver

402
00:17:22,438 --> 00:17:24,189
so I can finish my ionic
dis... defibulizer?

403
00:17:24,274 --> 00:17:26,525
Sure thing, Rick.
Here's a screwdriver.

404
00:17:26,609 --> 00:17:28,819
All right, Morty.
Thank you very much.

405
00:17:28,903 --> 00:17:31,822
We got one screw turn...
and two screw turns...

406
00:17:31,906 --> 00:17:33,615
and...

407
00:17:38,746 --> 00:17:40,163
All right, Morty,
here we are.

408
00:17:40,248 --> 00:17:42,165
Oh, my god, Rick!
Is that us?!

409
00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:44,126
W-W-W-We're dead!
What is going on, Rick?

410
00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:45,711
I'm freaking out!

411
00:17:45,795 --> 00:17:47,379
Calm down, Morty!
Look at me! Calm down, Morty!
412
00:17:47,463 --> 00:17:49,089
No, I can't deal with
this!

413
00:17:49,173 --> 00:17:50,716
Calm yourself, Morty.

414
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,301
I can't deal with
this, Rick!

415
00:17:52,385 --> 00:17:53,802
- Calm down, Morty.
- This can't be real!

416
00:17:53,886 --> 00:17:56,013
- You gotta calm down, Morty.
- W-W-W-W-We're ripped apart!

417
00:17:56,097 --> 00:17:57,973
Shut up and listen to me!

418
00:17:58,057 --> 00:17:59,308
It's fine.
Everything is fine.

419
00:17:59,392 --> 00:18:00,809
There's an infinite number
of realities, Morty,

420
00:18:00,893 --> 00:18:02,561
and in a few dozen of those,

421
00:18:02,645 --> 00:18:04,605
I got lucky and turned
everything back to normal.

422
00:18:04,689 --> 00:18:06,356
I just had to find one
of those realities

423
00:18:06,441 --> 00:18:09,067
in which we also happen to both
die around this time.

424
00:18:09,152 --> 00:18:10,611
Now we can just slip
into the place

425
00:18:10,695 --> 00:18:12,195
of our dead selves
in this reality

426
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:13,864
and everything will be fine.

427
00:18:13,948 --> 00:18:15,365
We're not skipping a beat,
Morty.

428
00:18:15,450 --> 00:18:16,450
Now, help me with these
bodies.

429
00:18:16,534 --> 00:18:17,618
This is insane.

430
00:18:17,702 --> 00:18:19,828
Look, Morty, I'll grab myself,
you grab yourself, okay?

431
00:18:19,912 --> 00:18:21,288
I mean, t-t-t-that seems
fair to me...

432
00:18:21,372 --> 00:18:23,290
I mean, that seems like
a fair way to divvy it up.

433
00:18:23,374 --> 00:18:25,375
Rick, what about
the reality we left behind?

434
00:18:25,460 --> 00:18:28,128
What about the reality where
Hitler cured cancer, Morty?

435
00:18:28,212 --> 00:18:29,630
The answer is don't
think about it.

436
00:18:29,714 --> 00:18:31,840
It's not like we can do this
every week, anyways.

437
00:18:31,924 --> 00:18:33,467
We get three or four more
of these, tops.

438
00:18:33,551 --> 00:18:35,302
Now, pick up your dead self
and come on.

439
00:18:35,386 --> 00:18:36,637
Haste makes waste.

440
00:18:36,721 --> 00:18:38,847
I-I-I don't suppose you've
considered this detail,

441
00:18:38,931 --> 00:18:41,433
but obviously, if I hadn't
screwed up as much as I did,

442
00:18:41,517 --> 00:18:45,354
we'd be these guys right now,
so, again, you're welcome.

443
00:18:48,483 --> 00:18:55,280
♪ Look on down
from the bridge ♪

444
00:18:55,365 --> 00:19:02,454
♪ There's still fountains
down there ♪

445
00:19:05,416 --> 00:19:11,213
♪ Look on down
from the bridge ♪

446
00:19:11,297 --> 00:19:18,553
♪ It's still raining up here ♪

447
00:19:21,307 --> 00:19:29,064
♪ Everybody seems so far away
from me ♪

448
00:19:29,148 --> 00:19:36,738
♪ Everybody just wants
to be free ♪

449
00:19:36,823 --> 00:19:42,911
♪ Look away from the sky ♪

450
00:19:42,995 --> 00:19:49,710
♪ It's no different
when you're leaving home ♪

451
00:19:51,921 --> 00:19:58,593
♪ I can't be the same thing
to you now ♪

452
00:19:58,678 --> 00:20:02,597
♪ I'm just gone ♪

453
00:20:02,682 --> 00:20:08,311
♪ Just gone ♪

454
00:20:08,396 --> 00:20:20,532
♪ How could I say goodbye? ♪

455
00:20:20,616 --> 00:20:24,286
You know, the thing
about a shark...

456
00:20:24,370 --> 00:20:26,747
he's got lifeless eyes...

457
00:20:26,831 --> 00:20:28,749
black eyes,
like a doll's eyes.

458
00:20:28,833 --> 00:20:30,333
When he comes at ya,

459
00:20:30,418 --> 00:20:32,335
he doesn't seem to be living
until he bites ya,

460
00:20:32,420 --> 00:20:35,297
and then the... the blood,
and the red, and the water...

461
00:20:36,466 --> 00:20:38,592
You ever wonder what happened
to Rick and Morty?

462
00:20:38,676 --> 00:20:41,428
Sometimes.
But, I'm ashamed to admit,

463
00:20:41,512 --> 00:20:47,058
now that they're gone,
I'm finally happy.

464
00:20:47,143 --> 00:20:49,269
Here we are,
Cronenberg Morty...

465
00:20:49,353 --> 00:20:50,896
a reality where
everyone in the world

466
00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:52,355
got genetically Cronenberged.

467
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,524
We'll fit right in,
Cronenberg Morty.

468
00:20:54,609 --> 00:20:56,985
It'll be like we never even
left Cronenberg world.

469
00:20:57,069 --> 00:20:58,445
Yeah, Cronenberg Rick,

470
00:20:58,529 --> 00:21:00,322
but, you know, I'm gonna miss
Cronenberg world,

471
00:21:00,406 --> 00:21:01,990
because everyone
was Cronenberged all along

472
00:21:02,074 --> 00:21:03,742
like us from the beginning,
you know?

473
00:21:03,826 --> 00:21:05,368
I mean, I-I wish we hadn't
genetically ruined
474
00:21:05,453 --> 00:21:07,370
Cronenberg World
beyond repair like we did,

475
00:21:07,455 --> 00:21:09,998
you know, and turned everyone
into regular, normal people

476
00:21:10,082 --> 00:21:11,541
just walking around.

477
00:21:11,626 --> 00:21:13,210
Don't you worry about
that sort of thing,

478
00:21:13,294 --> 00:21:14,377
Cronenberg Morty.

479
00:21:14,462 --> 00:21:17,756
Let's go make ourselves
at home, huh?

480
00:21:21,469 --> 00:21:22,886
Did you get any of that?

481
00:21:22,970 --> 00:21:24,930
It's a good-a show!

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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