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Parents Got Pissed On in Times Square
Parents Got Pissed On in Times Square
by Kim Cancer
“Never understood that, celebrating New Year’s with all those strangers, standing in the cold, in a place
so fucking crowded.”
“It was so clotted with people that the pisser probably couldn’t reach a bathroom, was stupid drunk, I’d
guess.”
“I wonder how it went down. Did the guy whip it out and start shooting, like a deranged killer, wantonly
spraying down everyone?”
“And packed in like sardines, there’d be nowhere to escape. You’d have to simply stand there and take
it.”
“Nowhere to run. Some freak, unzips his fly, cock flailing in the night, pissing wildly, pissing all over
you...”
“Nah, no way. I think it was that the guy couldn’t hold it, went in his pants and the parents were wetted
by it.”
“Can’t imagine a person breaking out his dick, pointing and pissing at some random people.”
“I can. People do worse. Of all the tragedies that could befall you, it is low down on the list.”
“Don’t be too hasty to judge. Perhaps he was actually a good Samaritan. Like he scanned around, spared
the others, spared the children.”
“Chris Hansen.”
“Hansen?”
“Hansen.”
“Marilyn Manson.”
“Even by accident? Say you’re in a public bathroom, pissing in a urinal, and a crazy kid comes running in,
accidentally runs into your stream, and you blast his snotty little face with your golden bladder juice.
Fucking next thing you know, you’re in jail, getting shanked, getting your cheeks busted by a tatted-up
Aryan Brotherhood gang member. Fuck…”
“Or did the piss originate from above? A balcony shooter. A roof shooter.”
“A second shooter theory. One from nearby and one from above.”
“A rooftop pisser, a sniper. Like someone at a crowded party, couldn’t make it to the bathroom, relieved
himself off a roof. Did it innocently enough. Thought he’d hit a dumpster or some shit, accidentally
sprayed dude’s parents.”
“Accidental. It was an accident. I want to believe that. It helps me maintain faith in humanity.”
“After what?”
“But what if it was Shaq? Bet he’d piss like a fire hose. Has special toilets installed in his house.”
“Still don’t understand. How does anyone get pissed on in Times Square?”
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