Journal of Sex Research

ISSN: 0022-4499 (Print) 1559-8519 (Online) Journal homepage: http://www.tandfonline.com/loi/hjsr20

Quality of the intimate and sexual relationship in

first‐time parents six months after delivery

Tone Ahlborg , Lars‐Gösta Dahlöf & Lillemor R‐M. Hallberg

To cite this article: Tone Ahlborg , Lars‐Gösta Dahlöf & Lillemor R‐M. Hallberg (2005) Quality of
the intimate and sexual relationship in first‐time parents six months after delivery, Journal of Sex
Research, 42:2, 167-174, DOI: 10.1080/00224490509552270

To link to this article: https://doi.org/10.1080/00224490509552270

Published online: 11 Jan 2010.

Submit your article to this journal

Article views: 452

View related articles

Citing articles: 46 View citing articles

Full Terms & Conditions of access and use can be found at

http://www.tandfonline.com/action/journalInformation?journalCode=hjsr20
 Quality of the Intimate and Sexual Relationship in First-Time Parents
Six Months After Delivery
Tone Ahlborg
Nordic School of Public Health
Lars-Gösta Dahlöf
Göteborg University
Lillemor R-M. Hallberg
Halmstad University

This study aimed to describe the quality of the intimate relationship among parents six months after the birth of their first
child. The Dyadic Adjustment Scale (DAS) has been modified and used on 820 responding first-time parents, of which 768
were couples. The results reveal that most parents were happy in their relationship, but both mothers and fathers were dis-
contented with the dyadic sexuality. "Being too tired for sexual activity " was a problem, especially for the mothers, and the
most common frequency of intercourse was once or twice per month. The result does not support the assumption that the
couples compensate the lacking sexuality with sensuality. Good communication within the couple was associated with high-
er levels of several dimensions of the intimate relationship, especially dyadic consensus and satisfaction. Thus, one way to
stabilize and strengthen a relationship when dyadic sexual activity is low would be to emphasize dyadic communication and
sensual activity.

Sexuality is one part of the intimate relationship of cou-
ples, and the factors that affect the experience of a couple's
intimate relationship are complex, especially when the
couple enters parenthood. Belsky (1981) described a triad
of components affecting the members of the new family:
the parenthood, the intimate relationship and the health
and development of the child. There is a high divorce and
separation rate among the parents of small children in
Sweden that peaks when the first child is one and a half
years old (Statistics Sweden, 2003). The intimate relation-
ship of first-time parents has been studied somewhat in
Europe, particularly in Scandinavia. The purpose of the
present study was to describe the quality of the intimate
relationship of Swedish first-time parents six months after
the birth of their child.
An intimate relationship often changes over time
(Belsky, 1985). In a longitudinal study of 186 married cou-
ples, Kurdek (1998) found that marital satisfaction
decreased over four years, with the steepest drop between
years one and two. During a ten-year period, Kurdek
(1999) found that marital quality declined fairly rapidly
over the first four years, then stabilized, and then declined
again in about the eighth year of marriage. However, in
this sample of 93 couples, after ten years of marriage, only
52 couples were living with their biological children,
whose mean age was a low 3.84 years, meaning preschool
children. Kurdek (1999) suggests that "it would be of
interest to determine whether marital quality stabilizes or
Address correspondence to Tone Ahlborg, Ph.D., Nordic School of
Public Health, Box 121 33, SE-402 42 Göteborg, Sweden; e-mail:
tone.ahlborg@tele2.se.
even increases when children become more autonomous"
(p. 1295). Kurdek (1999) also found that the husbands and
wives living with their biological children started on lower
levels of marital quality at one year of marriage and expe-
rienced steeper declines in marital quality than couples
without children or living with stepchildren. Lewis (1988)
found that healthy emotional relationships before parent-
hood continued to function well after the first child was
born, but "low competent" relationships deteriorated.
In modern Western society, becoming a parent can be
difficult. Both men and women may feel that a child could
threaten their well-established careers or disturb their inti-
macy as a couple. Glenn and McLanahan (1982) stated
that the child might be experienced as someone interfering
with the marital relationship. This is supported by Willen
(1996), who found that the wish to have a child increased
happiness, but when the baby was born, the happiness
decreased again, especially among fathers. Wadsby (2001)
compared the experiences of 60 couples of Swedish first-
time parents one year after birth with their experiences
after four months of pregnancy. She reported that there
was less sexual closeness at the end of that first year than
during the fourth month of pregnancy. New parents' lack
of leisure time together as partners makes the satisfaction
decline, especially for wives, and sharing housework and
responsibilities are common sources of conflict (Belsky &
Pensky, 1988). Role conflicts easily occur during the tran-
sition to parenthood (Dalgas-Pelish, 1993). However,
Umberson and Gove (1989) found that the increased sense
of meaningfulness, which results from becoming parents,
overrides the reduction in satisfaction and individual well-
being. Failure to confirm the expectations among first-

The Journal of Sex Research Volume 42, Number 2, May 2005: pp. 167-174 167
168
time parents regarding the sharing of child care and house-
keeping responsibilities may influence marital satisfaction
negatively (Hackel & Ruble, 1992).
People's sexual lives usually change when they become
parents, and one likely problem for first-time parents is
that sexual desire is greater among fathers than among
mothers (Ahlborg, Dahlof, & Strandmark, 2000). This
change produces a tension between the sexual desires of
the couple and the baby as the focus of attention, a tension
between the partner and parent roles. In an interview study
by Ahlborg et al. (2000), the couples that felt good were
able to communicate about the situation and confirmed
one another emotionally and sensually. It is not possible,
however, to neglect completely the common imbalance of
sexual needs between the sexes if what Kohler-Riessman
(1990) states is true: for most men, sexuality is a way to
intimacy, but for women, intimacy is a way to sexuality.
Women usually need some intimacy through talk and
familiarity before sexuality, which does not appear to be as
necessary for men. When sexuality is one of the main ways
of achieving intimacy for men, the absence of sexuality
often creates a feeling of loneliness and emotional empti-
ness (Kohler-Riessman, 1990).
Psychosexual problems are common after the birth of a
baby (von Sydow, 1999). A study by Barrett et al. (2000)
revealed that more than half of 480 mothers experienced
pain during the first intercourse after delivery and that this
continued after six months; 15% of the non-breastfeeding
mothers and 35% of the breastfeeding mothers felt pain.
The resumption of sexual intercourse took place after six
to eight weeks for 62% of the mothers, and at three
months, 81% had resumed sexual intercourse. At six
months that figure was 89%. In a longitudinal study of a
sample of 570 women and 550 of their husbands by Hyde,
DeLamater, Plant, and Byrd (1996), the mean time for
resuming intercourse after delivery was 7.33 weeks, but
there was large variability (SD = 4.66). There is a connec-
tion between the couple's sexuality and stability of their
relationship, so if both partners are sexually active during
pregnancy and enjoy it, the relationship is evaluated as
better in terms of tenderness and communication four
months after delivery. Three years later, the relationship is
more stable and less negatively affected in the view of
both partners (von Sydow, 1999). According to von Sydow
(1999), more research of the field is necessary. The aim of
the present study was to describe the quality of the inti-
mate relationship of Swedish parents six months after the
birth of their first child.
METHOD
Measure
The questionnaire used in this study, the Modified Dyadic
Adjustment Scale, is based on an American instrument, the
Dyadic Adjustment Scale (DAS) (Spanier 1976). The DAS
consists of 32 items in four subscales: Dyadic Consensus,
Dyadic Satisfaction, Dyadic Cohesion and Affectional
Intimate Relationship in New Parents
Expressions. The Dyadic Consensus subscale includes 13
items asking partners to respond to statements about
finances, recreation, friends, religion, sex, career decisions
and so on, on a six-point Likert scale ranging from 0
{always disagree) to 5 {always agree). The Dyadic
Satisfaction subscale consists of 10 items, including "How
often do you and your partner quarrel?" and "How often
do you get on each other's nerves?" on a response scale
ranging from 0 (all the time) to 5 {never). The subscale of
Dyadic Cohesion has five items, including "How often do
you laugh together?" Finally, the Affectional Expressions
subscale includes four items including "Is it a problem not
showing any love?" with response alternatives of 0 (yes)
and 1 (no).
The DAS has been used in hundreds of studies around
the world, but only a few times in parents with babies, and
the instrument has not been revised since 1976. To suit
first-time parents, after retranslation into Swedish, we
added questions about the couple's communication with
each other (three items), sensuality (four items) and sexu-
ality (three items). These dimensions were found to be fun-
damental for the well-being of Swedish first-time parents
when they were interviewed (Ahlborg et al., 2000;
Ahlborg & Strandmark, 2001). In this context, sensuality
and sexuality are two separate dimensions. Sensual behav-
ior involves hugging, kissing and caressing, and sexual
activity includes touching the genitals. The item "How
often during the last 4 weeks did you have sexual inter-
course?" does not necessarily mean vaginal intercourse. To
prevent misunderstandings by the respondents, the items
were specific and deliberately not identified as sensuality
or sexuality. After testing the modified DAS questionnaire
in a 2001 pilot study involving 80 first-time parents, we
added one question about consensus on baby matters after
a proposal from a responding mother. The modified DAS
therefore consisted of 43 items, together with background
variables like gender, age, education, social situation,
stress level, and breastfeeding.
Participants and Procedure
We collected the data of this cross-sectional study from a
sample of Swedish first-time parents, with the help of pri-
mary care nurses at family health centers, when the chil-
dren were about six months old. The inclusion criteria
were as follows:
1. first-time parents (the mother's and the father's first
baby in common)
2. cohabiting parents (at the time of the study)
3. Swedish speakers (to ensure comprehension of the
questionnaire)
4. healthy child (to avoid the strain of a sick child).
During four months in the spring and four months in the
autumn of 2002, we distributed 1,256 questionnaires, and
820 parents fulfilling the inclusion criteria responded, giv-
ing a response rate of 65%. This rate could have been high-
er if practical problems with the coding lists remaining at
Ahlborg, Dahlof, and Hallberg
the health centers (owing to a high workload) during the
first spring period had been avoided. In the autumn, the
response rate was 74%, an excellent response rate for a
study dealing with sensitive data. The dropouts and the
respondents were of a very similar mean age (31.8 versus
31.3 years), but dropouts lived in apartment buildings
more often than in detached or semidetached houses.
In the present study, 94% (n = 768) of the respondents
were mothers and fathers from the same couples. This
makes 384 couples, 47 single mothers, and 5 single fathers.
The cover letter encouraged the mothers and fathers to
answer the questionnaires independently of each other. The
total sample consisted of 431 mothers and 389 fathers with
an average age of 30.3 years and 32.4 years, respectively.
See Table 1. Currently, the average age in Sweden for first-
time mothers is 28.6 years (Statistics Sweden, 2003) and in
the city in which the study was conducted, it is 30 years,
which means that the parents are fairly representative of
Swedish first-time parents. It is common in Sweden to
obtain a higher education and have some years of employ-
ment experience before parenthood. In the study sample,
91% of the fathers and 10% of the mothers were working
outside the home six months after the birth of their first
child. The mean weekly working hours were M = 40 hours
(SD = 9) for fathers and M = 15 (SD = 13) for mothers.
Fifty-nine percent of responding parents had university
level education, and 41% had a high school diploma or less,
with a negligible difference between the sexes. The civil sta-
tus of the mothers and fathers was 375 (46%) married and
444 (54%) cohabiting with one set of missing data. The
mean duration of the intimate relationship before the birth of
the first child was 5.1 years (SD = 3.2; range = 0-17 years).
Table 1 presents descriptive statistics.
The nurses who distributed the questionnaires at the
primary health centers did not ask whether the male part-
ner had had children before, since it was the couples' rela-
tionship with their first common experience as parents
that was going to be studied. Among the couples, 7.5% of
the fathers had previously been parents. For 98.1% (424
of 432) of the mothers, however, this was their first child.
According to earlier research, the greatest transition is
usually experienced by the mother since she invests more
in the parenting (Alexander & Higgins, 1993; Hackle &
Ruble, 1992), and the role changes are substantial for the
mothers, who find parenthood overwhelming. This may
Table 1. Description of the Study Sample Six Months After Delivery of First Child (N = 820)
Total study sample
(W=820)
Age (years)
M(Md) 31.3 (31.0)
SD 4.9
Range 18-66
Employed outside home n = 395 (48.2%)
Unemployed n = 61 (7.4%)
Enrolled as student n = 64(7.8%)
169
have a major impact on the relationship (Ahlborg et al.,
2000; Ahlborg & Strandmark, 2001).
Data analysis
The data analysis had three steps. First we made compar-
isons between the means of scores for mothers and fathers
within couples with Wilcoxon signed rank test. Secondly,
estimation of correspondence between mothers and fathers
within couples was done with Spearman's rho correlation
coefficient. Finally, we performed estimation of correlation
between subscale scores and items, separately for mothers
and fathers, with Spearman's rho correlation coefficient.
Computations were made using SPSS 12 and STATA 8.
Ethical Concerns
Each respondent was guaranteed anonymity. However,
to make comparisons between the partners possible and
to be able to send follow-up reminders to those who had
not responded, the questionnaires were coded with a
number. The responses were sent by the parents in sepa-
rate envelopes directly to the researching midwife. The
coding list was never seen by the researching midwife,
who was the only person to see the respondents'
answers. As a result, the answers could never be con-
nected to any names, only to numbers, belonging togeth-
er as a couple with the same code number. We explained
this to parents and informed them that participation was
voluntary. The local ethics research committee approved
the study.
RESULTS
Dyadic Consensus
The data revealed that among the individual items in the
subscale of Dyadic Consensus, the new parents tended to
disagree about the following things in this ranking order
(lowest mean values in Table 2): Household work (item
13), Recreation (item 2), Leisure time activities (item 14)
and Time together (item 11). The intracorrelation within
the couples was low regarding consensus about friends,
correct behavior, leisure time activities and career deci-
sions. The Dyadic Consensus index was associated with
dyadic satisfaction, affectional expression, dyadic com-
munication and, to a moderate extent, dyadic cohesion.
See Table 3.
Mothers Fathers
n = 432 (52.7%) n = 388 (47.3%)
30.3 32.4
4.2 5.4
18^1 21-66
n = 42 (9.7%) n = 353 (91.0%)
n = 40 (9.3%) n = 21 (5.4%)
n = 40 (9.3%) n = 24 (6.2%)
170 Intimate Relationship in New Parents

Table 2. Means, Standard Deviations, Gender Differences, and Intracorrelations Within Couples in the Values of Modified
DAS Among Parents, Six Months After Birth of First Child (n = 384 couples)
Mothers Fathers Wilcoxon signed Spearman's
Item (abbreviated) Mean SD Mean SD rank test, p-value rho
Dyadic Consensus (response scale 0-5) all values***
Item 1. Family economy 4.08 .79 4.12 .68 .48
Item 2. Recreation 3.80 .85 3.74 .82 .49
Item 3. Religion 4.29 .87 4.28 .84 .44
Item 5. Friends 4.17 .72 4.16 .68 .33
Item 7. Correct behaviour 4.01 .77 4.04 .74 .32
Item 8. Philosophy of life 4.08 .74 4.06 .71 .40
Item 9. Dealing with parents or in-laws 4.06 .84 4.06 .79 .49
Item 10. Aims and goals in life 4.22 .75 4.10 .71 .002** .42
Item 11. Amount of time spent together 4.00 .91 3.84 .83 .008** .47
Item 12. Making major decisions 4.28 .72 4.23 .75 .43
Item 13. Household tasks 3.64 .94 3.67 .89 .51
Item 14. Leisure time activities 3.93 .77 3.86 .79 .32
Item 15. Career decisions 4.34 .69 4.24 .79 .030* .32
Item 43. Baby matters (response scale 1-2) 1.95 .21 2.00 .19 .35
Dyadic Satisfaction (response scale 0-5)
Item 16. Discussed divorce/separation 4.63 .65 4.59 .70 .67
Item 17. Leaving house after quarrelling 4.63 .64 4.63 .68 .43
Item 18. Things going well in relationship 4.02 .64 4.10 .65 .040* .45
Item 19. Confidence in mate 4.50 .70 4.37 .83 .004** .23
Item 20. Regretting moving in together 4.70 .59 4.70 .62 .39
Item 21. How often quarrelling 3.53 .74 3.67 .75 .000*** .54
Item 22. "Get on each other's nerves" 3.58 .79 3.70 .79 .004** .49
Item 23. Kissing your mate (response scale 0-4) 3.38 .92 3.42 .89 .58
Item 31. Happiness in the relationship 4.15 1.05 4.30 1.03 .004** .59
Item 32. Future of the relationship 4.13 .81 4.30 .77 .000*** .37
Dyadic Cohesion (response scale 0-5)
Item 24. Common interests (response scale 0-4) 2.57 .67 2.55 .66 .41
Item 25. Stimulating exchange of ideas 3.34 1.03 3.38 1.01 .46
Item 26. How often laughing together 4.13 .88 4.33 .82 .000*** .38
Item 27. Calmly discussing something 3.32 1.01 3.42 .94 .33
Item 28. Working together on a task/project 3.46 1.14 3.69 1.11 .000*** .33
Affectional Expression (response scale 0-5)
Item 4. Consensus about showing feelings 3.81 .95 3.74 .83 .44
Item 6. Consensus about sexuality 3.71 .96 3.67 .98 .58
Item 29. Being too tired for sex (response scale 0-1) .52 .50 .61 .49 .001** .45
Item 30. Not showing love and appreciation (0-1) .73 .44 .76 .43 .54
Dyadic Communication (response scale 0-5)
Item 33. How often expressing own wishes 4.01 .78 3.69 .92 .000*** .25
Item 34. How often partner listening 3.87 .94 3.86 .92 .36
Item 35. Misunderstanding one another 3.27 .75 3.29 .77 .45
Dyadic Sensuality (response scale 0-5)
Item 36. How often hugging your mate 4.37 .82 4.38 .85 .58
Item 37. How often feeling sensual desire 4.17 .93 4.30 .86 .034* .33
Item 38. How often caressing last month 3.75 1.11 3.80 1.15 .47
Item 39. Sensual contentment (response scale 1-3) 2.35 .74 2.40 .73 .43
Dyadic Sexuality (response scale 0-5)
Item 40. How often feeling sexual desire 2.46 .97 3.53 .94 .000*** .15
Item 41. How often had intercourse last month 1.90 1.08 1.91 1.11 .74
Item 42. Sexual contentment (response scale 1-3) 1.88 .77 1.70 .73 .000*** .39
*p<.05, **/><.01, ***/><.001.

Dyadic Satisfaction
The majority of both mothers and fathers were very happy
in their relationship. When single items of Dyadic
Satisfaction were evaluated, fathers were somewhat more
satisfied with the relationship than mothers. For example,
fathers felt that the couple quarreled less frequently (item
21) and that they functioned well together (item 18) to a
larger extent than the mothers. The fathers were also more
optimistic about the future of the relationship (item 32).
However, the fathers experienced more stress in the pre-
sent situation than the mothers, 33% and 13%, respective-
ly (p < .001) according to background data. Item 19 about
reliance on partner, formulated "Do you confide in your
mate?" was answered with almost always and always, on
the scale from 0 (never) to 5 (always), by both mothers and
Ahlborg, Dahlof, and Hallberg 171

Table 3. Correlations (Spearman's rho) for Both Sexes Between Different Dimensions of the Modified DAS Among Parents,
Six Months After Birth of First Child (n = 384 couples) •
Mothers
Dyadic Dyadic Dyadic Affectional Dyadic Dyadic Dyadic
Fathers Consensus Satisfaction Cohesion Expression Communication Sensuality Sexuality
Dyadic Consensus .61 .45 .54 .50 15 .15
Dyadic Satisfaction .66 .48 .50 .56 .37 .24
Dyadic Cohesion .36 .43 .37 .42 .42 .22
Affectional Expression .56 .51 .28 .47 .25 .30
Dyadic Communication .60 .63 .33 .43 .20 .16
Dyadic Sensuality .24 .49 .41 .36 .32 .38
Dyadic Sexuality .24 .26 .28 .32 .20 .39
Note. All values are statistically significant (p < 01).

fathers. However, the intracorrelation between mothers
and fathers in the couples regarding this item of confi-
dence was very low, meaning that confiding may not be
mutual. Item 23, "How often do you kiss your mate?" was
answered with "almost every day" on a scale from 0
{never) to 4 (every day) for both sexes. Dyadic satisfaction
was associated with dyadic consensus, communication,
affectional expression, dyadic cohesion and dyadic sensu-
ality; see Table 3.
Dyadic Cohesion
The items of dyadic cohesion consist of "engagement in
common interests outside the family" (item 24), "stimulat-
ing exchange of ideas" (item 25), "laughing together"
(item 26), "calmly discussing something" (item 27) and
"working together on a task/project" (item 28). For most
parents, common interests are stated as "some to most," on
a scale ranging from 0 (none) to 4 (all of them). The cou-
ples reported laughing together about "once/day," on a
scale ranging from 0 (never) to 5 (more often than
once/day), and the fathers experienced laughing together
as being more frequent than the mothers did (Table 2).
Stimulating exchange of ideas and discussing something
calmly happened "once/day to once or twice/week," on the
scale above. Working together on a task was felt to be
more frequent among fathers; see Table 2. This as well as
"calmly discussing something" had low intracorrelations
in pairs, suggesting different perceptions within the cou-
ples of how frequently this happened (Table 2). Dyadic
cohesion was associated with dyadic satisfaction and
dyadic sensuality; see Table 3.
Affectional Expression
The items included here are "consensus about showing
feelings" and "about sexuality" as well as "being too tired
for sexual activity" and "not showing love and apprecia-
tion." After household work, "consensus about showing
feelings" (item 4) and "about sexuality" (item 6) were the
second most frequent subjects on which the parents dis-
agreed, on a scale from 0 (always disagree) to 5 (always
agree), and it did not differ between the sexes; see Table 2.
Both fathers and mothers experienced "being too tired for
sexual activity" as a problem, and mothers felt that this
fatigue was a greater problem than the fathers (47% and
38%, respectively; p = .014). When it came to the item "Is
it a problem not showing love and appreciation?" around a
quarter of both mothers and fathers (26.3%) experienced
this. The intracorrelation of affectional expressions in pairs
was above .40.
Dyadic Communication
The variables of communication are "Expressing wish-
es" (item 33), "Partner listening to expressed wishes"
(item 34) and "Frequency of misunderstandings" (item
35). The mothers in the study stated that they expressed
their wishes more frequently than the fathers did, and
the correlation within couples of this item was low
(Table 2). Both sexes said that the partner listened
"almost always," on a scale ranging from 0 (never) to 5
(always). Also, the perception of listening to each other
differed within the couples, causing low intracorrelation
in pairs (Table 2). When it came to misunderstanding
one another, the answer from both mothers and fathers
was "sometimes," on the same scale. In this context,
there were individual cases where it was clear that the
mother and father displayed a reciprocal discrepancy
regarding the experience of mutual misunderstanding
(e.g., father: "never" and mother: "almost always").
Dyadic communication was associated with the dimen-
sions of dyadic satisfaction and consensus and moder-
ately associated with affectional expression and dyadic
cohesion (Table 3). This means that good communica-
tion has some significance for enhanced quality in the
intimate relationship.
Dyadic Sensuality
The parents had been caressing during the last four weeks
(item 38) on average "once a day," on a scale ranging from
0 (never) to 5 (more often than once a day); see Table 2.
However, the frequency of caressing was lower than the
desire to do so (M = 3.77, compared with M = 4.23; p <
.0001) and they were only "partly satisfied" with the sensual
situation (item 39), on the scale comprising 1 (discontented),
2 (partly content) and 3 (content). Fathers had somewhat
higher values than mothers regarding sensual desire (item
37), which could indicate that they wanted to hug and caress
172
their partner more often than the mothers did, and here was
a discrepancy within the couples. See Table 2.
Dyadic sensuality correlated with dyadic satisfaction
and dyadic cohesion and moderately with dyadic sexuality
(Table 3). The sensual activity correlated mostly with the
items "kissing your mate" (r = .40), "laughing together" (r
= .39) and "feeling of happiness" (r = .38); (all three items:
p < .0001). "Being too tired for sexual activity" did not
imply more dyadic sensuality among the responding par-
ents. Instead, the opposite was true, which meant that
"being too tired for sex" produced somewhat lower values
for sensual activity than when fatigue was not regarded as
a problem (M = 3.49, SD = 1.21, and M = 3.98, SD = 1.02,
respectively; p < .0001).
Dyadic Sexuality
The items in this dimension are "sexual desire" (item
40), "sexual activity" (item 41) and "contentment with the
sexual situation" (item 42). On average, the parents
resumed their sexual activity about three months (M =
2.6, SD = 1.2) after delivery. However, the frequency of
sexual intercourse was "once to twice a month," on a
scale from 0 (never) to 5 (more often than once a day); see
Table 2. Both sexes were "discontented" or "partly con-
tent" with the sexual situation, on the scale comprising 1
(discontented), 2 (partly content), and 3 (content). Fathers
were the most discontented (46%); the corresponding fig-
ure for mothers was 36% (p = .001). Around 17% of the
couples had not had any sexual intercourse during the last
four weeks, and most of these couples had not resumed
their sexual life after delivery. Sexual desire was only
somewhat associated with sexual activity (r = .30) in this
group of new parents. Fathers experienced sexual desire
more often than mothers, "twice a week to once/day" and
"twice a month to once a week," respectively (p < .001).
The intracorrelation within couples regarding sexual
desire was very low (Table 2).
Three-quarters of the mothers (74%) were breastfeeding
fully (24%) or partially (50%) six months after delivery.
Among the breastfeeding mothers, somewhat less sexual
desire, a lower frequency of sexual activity and somewhat
less contentment with the sexual life were found compared
with the mothers who were not breastfeeding at around six
months after delivery (see Table 4). No correlation was
found between being too tired for sexuality and breast-
feeding among this sample of Swedish mothers.
DISCUSSION
Having a child together can produce a special sense of
community, thereby deepening a couple's relationship,
especially if the expectations are realistic and the couple is
prepared for some kind of change in their intimate rela-
tionship. In the present study, most new parents were sat-
isfied with their intimate relationships in general, but the
fathers were more satisfied than the mothers. This gender
difference is supported by the findings of Kaslow,
Hansson, and Lundblad (1994), who reported that men
Intimate Relationship in New Parents
Table 4. Sexual Desire, Activity, and Contentment with
Sexual Life Among Breastfeeding and
Non-breastfeeding Mothers, Six Months after
Birth of First Child
Breastfeeding Non-breastfeeding
mothers (n = 320) mothers (n = 109)
M ID M SD
Sexual desire 2.4 .9 2.7 1.0 .003
Sexual activity 1.8 1.1 2.2 1.0 .001
Sexual contentment 1.8 .7 2.1 .7 .002
Note. Missing data (n = 3).
were more satisfied than women in long-lasting relation-
ships. This could be associated with the fact that men ben-
efit from marital status and do not react emotionally unless
problems are severe enough to threaten this (Gove,
Hughes, & Style, 1983). However, fathers felt more
stressed than mothers in the situation, possibly because of
time spent working outside home (91%) among the fathers
(see Table 1). They may have been striving to fulfill the
roles of both professional and father, as some fathers noted
in answers to the open-ended questions added to the mod-
ified DAS questionnaire, analyzed in a separate study
(Ahlborg & Strandmark, 2005).
The results of the present study show that both mothers
and fathers were somewhat discontented with the dyadic
sexuality. This was also found by Wadsby and Sydsjo
(2001), who reported impairment in closeness and sexual-
ity one year after the birth of the first child. In the present
study, the mothers found "being too tired for sex" a greater
problem than the fathers. It could be that the mothers felt
more tired, but also that women in general impose greater
demands on the conditions for sexual activity, since they
are easily distracted and need more time and energy to
mobilize a sexual desire and wish for sexual activity
(Levine, 1992). When the parents, and especially the
mother, are too tired for sex, they could compensate with
sensuality, as some couples did (Ahlborg et al., 2000).
However, the results show an association between fatigue
and less sensuality and no clear-cut compensation with
sensuality when there is a lack of sexuality. Since hugging,
kissing and sexual activity were somewhat associated, this
could mean that the same couples exchanged both sensu-
ality and sexuality. An exchange of sensuality and sexual-
ity between the partners could, however, have a real
impact on the stability of the relationship, since hugging,
kissing and caressing are good ways to confirm each other
sensually as partners (Ahlborg & Strandmark, 2001; von
Sydow, 1999).
Sensuality, through caressing, could be a good way to
awaken the sexual desire of the woman, according to a
mother's statement in an interview study (Ahlborg et al.,
2000), and also described by Levine (1992). This is useful
knowledge, since there is an imbalance in sexual desire
between the fathers and mothers in the data in the present
study, and the stated diversity of sexual desire within the
couples can be problematic. In the interview studies
Ahlborg, Dahlof, and Hallberg
(Ahlborg et al., 2000; Ahlborg & Strandmark, 2001), sev-
eral fathers expressed a need for emotional and sensual
confirmation from their partner and said that this was even
more important than the sexuality itself. One father said,
"it is not the sexuality which is most important; I can han-
dle that myself! No, the important thing is that she sees me
and hugs me as her husband, not just as the father of our
baby." However, the significance of sexuality cannot be
ignored, especially not for men, according to Kohler-
Riessman (1990). The risk of infidelity also increases
around the time of parenthood (Cowan & Cowan, 2000),
making the relationship less stable.
The sensual desire also revealed a gender difference;
the fathers wanted to hug and caress more often than the
mothers. One explanation of this could be that the mothers
exchange more tenderness with the baby while breastfeed-
ing. Besides that, the father simply might like it. Another
reason could be that he hopes the sensuality could lead to
some sexuality. This could happen if the mother does not
feel forced into having sex by the expectations of her hus-
band. This is where the importance of communication
comes into the picture, when the tension between sexual
desire and the baby for the focus of attention has to be rec-
ognized. The situation could be that the partner (often the
new mother) does not have any sexual desire and, as a
result, she does not dare to show tenderness towards her
husband since she is afraid of being misunderstood, which
was described by Ahlborg & Strandmark (2001). A non-
demanding situation, as a result of respecting the
expressed wishes of the mother, may help the new mother
to relax and then allow her sexual desire to be awakened.
The sexual situation for many new parents can be illus-
trated by the low correlation between sexual desire and
sexual activity. This could mean that a person feels sexual
desire but is not able to turn it into sexual activity as a new
parent. The most common frequency of intercourse was
once or twice a month among first-time parents. This fact
could be passed on in parent groups, for example, since
most couples think they are the only ones with such a low
level of sexual activity. Among the couples that had
resumed sexual activity, the average time for resuming
sexual life was at 2.6 months, and this is in accordance
with the interview study (Ahlborg et al., 2000) and is also
fairly similar to the findings of Barrett et al. (2000), but
with a discrepancy in resumption about three weeks later
than the parents in Hyde et al. (1996). In Barrett et al.
(2000), 89% of the parents had resumed sexual intercourse
at six months, while the corresponding figure in the pre-
sent study was 83%.
The present study revealed some association between
breastfeeding and reduced sexual desire, activity and con-
tentment. This is in accordance with the results of Hyde,
DeLamater, Plant, and Byrd (1996), where breastfeeding
women experienced significantly less sexual desire and
sexual activity both one and four months after delivery,
and their husbands consequently experienced significantly
less sexual satisfaction. This potential association between
173
sexuality and breastfeeding has also been discussed in a
study by Glazener (1997) involving 1,075 mothers, where
problems related to intercourse were reported by 53% in
the first eight weeks and by 49% later during the first year
after delivery, reported retrospectively. There was an asso-
ciation with pain during intercourse and current breast-
feeding. However, in Glazener's (1997) study, breastfeed-
ing had a significant association with low sexual desire
eight weeks after delivery, but not later in the subsequent
year. If pain connected to intercourse during breastfeeding
is experienced, vaginal lubricants can be used, as proposed
by Hyde et al. (1996).
Breastfeeding, which involves physical contact with
the nipples, may also produce erotic feelings. Around one
third to half the mothers felt breastfeeding was an erotic
experience, and a quarter felt guilty feelings due to their
sexual excitement, according to von Sydow (1999). We
agree with Hyde et al. (1996) that it might be wise to
inform parents about the potential sexual effects of breast-
feeding, to make new parents understand the source of the
problem and not conclude that there is a problem in the
relationship. However, for a woman recognizing the
capacities of the body, breastfeeding, sensuality and sexu-
ality could be accepted in parallel. From a public health
perspective, even though breastfeeding should be promot-
ed, it is important to regard the family as a unit, where the
health of the child also depends on the quality of the rela-
tionship between the mother and father (Belsky, 1981).
Most of the parents were "very happy" in the situation
as new parents when the first baby was around six months
of age. This is a positive and an expected result, since new
parents with healthy babies generally have a right to feel
very happy. This could be the situation that is described by
Umberson and Gove (1989), when the increase in mean-
ingfulness that results from being parents overrides the
decline in marital satisfaction. In this context, social desir-
ability may affect survey results when parents answer the
question about experiencing happiness. However, some
parents did say that they felt a lack of happiness, and the
open-ended questions could sometimes explain why
(Ahlborg & Strandmark, 2005). The reasons included a
lack of time to recover from a traumatic pregnancy or
delivery, economic problems, or the partner working too
much away from home, leading to less closeness, the feel-
ing that the partners were living in two different worlds,
and frustration with the partner's lack of sharing responsi-
bility. When the quality of the intimate relationship was
satisfactory, factors like a good social network and the
opportunity to be given some relief were mentioned as
examples of other factors explaining the variation in the
experience of the intimate relationship, which were not
covered by the modified DAS questionnaire. According to
a longitudinal study by Shapiro, Gottman, and Carrere
(2000), factors predicting stable or increased marital satis-
faction were the husband's and wife's mutual awareness
and the husband's expressions of fondness towards his
wife. More than a quarter of the mothers and fathers in the
174
present study thought not showing love and appreciation
was a problem. This confirmation is significant for well-
being in the relationship. When partners listen to each
other, this is also a kind of confirmation, and laughing
together as part of good communication and cohesion may
increase the dyadic sensuality.
This study shows that most new parents six months
after the birth of their first child feel very happy in their
relationships. However, both mothers and fathers were less
content with dyadic sexuality, and fathers were most dis-
satisfied with the low level of sexual activity as new par-
ents. The opportunity to compensate for this discontent-
ment with sexual life by exchanging sensuality could be
emphasized. Since the variables of communication were
associated with most of the dyadic dimensions of the inti-
mate relationship, the ability to communicate with and
confirm each other emotionally, as well as sensually and
sexually, appears to be important for the experienced qual-
ity of the intimate relationship.
The dimension of dyadic communication on the modi-
fied DAS appears to be important for the experience of the
intimate relationship, as well as more aspects of dyadic
sensuality and sexuality. Therefore, this should be includ-
ed when assessing the intimate relationship of new par-
ents. In a future article, we will evaluate the modified DAS
through factor analysis to obtain good internal consistency
within the instrument. A new factor structure after psycho-
metrically evaluating the modified DAS could mean that
the "kissing your mate" item would fit better in the sensu-
ality dimension, for example, instead of the satisfaction
dimension, as in the original DAS. We also plan to conduct
a follow-up study of these parents after four years with the
validated new measure in order to obtain a picture of how
their intimate relationships may be experienced differently
after some years of parenting.
REFERENCES
Ahlborg, T., & Strandmark, M. (2001). The baby was the focus of attention:
First-time parents' experiences of their intimate relationship.
Scandinavian Journal of Caring Sciences, 15, 318-325.
Ahlborg, T., & Strandmark, M. (2005). Factors influencing quality of the
intimate relationship: First-time parents' own views and coping strate-
gies. (submitted for publication).
Ahlborg, T., Strandmark, M., & Dahlöf, L. G. (2000). First-time parents'
sexual relationships. Scandinavian Journal of Sexology, 3, 127-139.
Alexander, M. J., & Higgins, E. T. (1993). Emotional trade-offs of becom-
ing a parent: How social roles influence self-discrepancy effects.
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 65, 1259-1269.
Barrett, G., Pendry, E., Peacock, J., Victor, C., Thakar, R., & Manyonda, I.
(2000). Women's sexual health after childbirth. British Journal of
Obstetrics and Gynaecology, 107, 186-195.
Belsky, J. (1981). Early human experience: A family perspective.
Intimate Relationship in New Parents
Developmental Psychology, 17, 3-23.
Belsky, J. (1985). Exploring individual differences in marital change across
the transition to parenthood: The role of violated expectations. Journal
of Marriage and the Family, 47, 1037-1044.
Belsky, J., & Pensky, E. (1988). Marital change across the transition to par-
enthood. Marriage & Family Review, 12, 133-56.
Cowan, C. P., & Cowan, P. A. (2000). When partners become parents: The
big life change for couples. Mah Way, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum
Associates.
Dalgas-Pelish, P. (1993). The impact of the first child on marital happiness.
Journal of Advanced Nursing, 18, 437-441.
Glazener, C. (1997) Sexual function after childbirth: Women's experiences,
persistent morbidity and lack of professional recognition. British
Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, 104, 330-335.
Glenn, N. & McLanahan, S. (1982). Children and marital happiness: A fur-
ther specification of the relationship. Journal of Marriage and the
Family, 44, 63-72.
Gove, W. R., Hughes, M., & Style, C. B. (1983). Does marriage have posi-
tive effects on the psychological well-being of the individual? Journal
of Health and Social Behaviour, 24, 122-131.
Hackel, L. S., & Ruble, D. N. (1992). Changes in the marital relationship
after the first baby is born: Predicting the impact of expectancy discon-
firmation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 62, 944-957.
Hyde, J. S., DeLamater, J. D., Plant, E. A., & Byrd, J. M. (1996). Sexuality
during pregnancy and the year postpartum. The Journal of Sex Research,
33, 143-151.
Kaslow, K., Hansson, K., & Lundblad, A-M. (1994). Long term marriages
in Sweden and some comparisons with similar couples in the United
States. Contemporary Family Therapy, 16, 521-537.
Kohler-Riessman, C. (1990). Divorce talk: Women and men make sense of
personal relationships. London: Rutgers University Press.
Kurdek, L. A. (1998). Developmental changes in marital satisfaction. In T.
N. Bradbury (Ed.). The developmental course of marital dysfunction
(pp. 180-204). New York: Cambridge University Press.
Kurdek, L. A. (1999). The nature and predictors of the trajectory of change
in marital quality for husbands and wives over the first 10 years of mar-
riage. Developmental Psychology, 35, 1283-1296.
Levine, S. B. (1992). Sexual life: A clinician's guide, critical issues in psy-
chiatry. New York: Plenum Press.
Lewis, J. (1988). The transition to parenthood II: Stability and change in
marital structure. Family Process, 27, 273-283.
Shapiro, A. F., Gottman, J. & Carrere, S. (2000). The baby and the marriage:
Identifying factors that buffer against decline in marital satisfaction after
the first baby arrives. Journal of Family Psychology, 14, 59-70.
Spanier, G. B. (1976). Measuring Dyadic Adjustment: New scales for
assessing the quality of marriage and similar dyads. Journal ofMarriage
and the Family, 48, 15-27.
Statistics Sweden. (2003). Population statistics part 1-2. Orebro, Sweden:
Official Statistics of Sweden.
Umberson, D. & Gove, W. (1989). Parenthood and psychological well-
being. Journal of Family Issues, 10, 440-462.
Wadsby, G., & Sydsjö, G. (2001). Från graviditet till föräldraskap (From
pregnancy to parenthood). Nordisk Psykologi, 53, 275-288.
Willén, H. (1996). The impact of wish for children and having children on
attainment and importance of life values. Journal of Comparative
Family Studies, 27, 499-518.
von Sydow, K. (1999). Sexuality during pregnancy and after childbirth: A
metacontent analysis of 59 studies. Journal of Psychosomatic Research,
47, 27-49.
Manuscript accepted October 13, 2004