INTERPERSONAL ATTRACTION AND CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

Internal Determinants of Attraction: The Role of Needs and Emotions

Importance of Affiliation
- Tendency to affiliate seems to have a neurological basis
- Need for affiliation
o Basic motive to seek and maintain interpersonal relationships
o Differ in strength among individual
o When affiliation needs are not met à feels highly unpleasant
§ Social exclusion leads to increased sensitivity to interpersonal
information; less effective cognitive functioning

Feelings as Basis for Liking

- The direct effect of emotions on attraction
o Another person says/does something that makes you feel good/bad
influence liking for the person
- The associated effect of emotions on attraction
o Another person is simply present at the same time that one’s emotional state
is aroused by something/someone
o Misattribution of arousal
o Meet stranger after receiving low grade à like the person less; meet
stranger after receiving high grade à like the person more
- Affect-Attraction Relationship and Social Influence

External Determinants of Attraction: The Effects of Proximity and Physical Beauty

- Physical proximity brings contact
o Students sitting next to each other are more likely to interact than if seated
two rows apart
- Physical attractiveness
o Combination of characteristics that are evaluated as beautiful/handsome

The Power of Proximity: Unplanned Contacts

- Proximity
o Closeness between two individuals which respect to where they live, work,
etc.
- Repeated Exposure Effect
o Also known as mere exposure effect
o Frequent contact (mildly negative, neutral, or positive stimulus) results in an
increasingly positive evaluation of that stimulus
o A shows up in class 10 times, B shows up in class 5 times. Results showed
class likes A more than B

Observable Characteristics of Others: The Effects of Physical Attractiveness

- Attractive people are viewed as possessing desirable characteristics
o Physical attractiveness stereotype
o Beauty = average looking faces
 - Other aspects of appearance and behaviour that influence attraction
o Physique/body build
o Observable differences in actual behaviour
- Appearance-rejection sensitivity
o Worrying about one’s appearance, and fear others may snub you because
you don’t quite measure up

Factors Based on Social Interaction: Similarity and Mutual Liking

Similarity: Birds of a Feather Actually Do Flock Together
- The more similar the two people are, the more they tend to like each other
- Opposite attracts?
o Complementarities: differences that complemented each other
Similarity-Dissimilarity Effect
- The consistent finding that people respond positively to indications that another
person I similar to themselves and negatively to indications that another person is
dissimilar from themselves
- Focused on attitude similarity
o The extent to which two individuals share the same attitude
- Balance Theory
o People naturally organise their likes and dislikes in a symmetrical way
o A comparison of
§ An individual’s liking for another person
§ His/her attitude about a given topic
§ The other person’s attitude on the same topic
o Balance (liking + agreement) results in positive emotional state
o Imbalance (liking + disagreement) results in negative state and a desire to
restore balance
o Nonbalance (disliking + agreement/disagreement) leads to indifference
- Social Comparison Theory
o Comparison of attitudes and beliefs with others to evaluate the accuracy of
one’s views and their “normality” through agreement of others
Matching hypothesis
- The idea that although we prefer to obtain extremely attractive romantic partners,
we generally focus on obtaining ones whose physical beauty is about the same as
our own
Rule of Reciprocity
- Tendency to like those who express liking towards us and vice versa
Adaptive response
- Any physical characteristics/behavioural tendency that enhances the odds of
reproduction success for an individual or for other individuals with similar genes
The Cultural Foundation of Relationships
Enemyship
- Personal relationship based on hatred and malice in which one person wishes to
produce another person’s downfall and attempts to sabotage that person’s life
progress

Interdependent Relationships
- Interdependence: interpersonal association in which two people influence each
other’s lives
- Often focus their thoughts on one another
- Regularly engage in joint activities

Family Members
- First and most lasting close relationships
- Attachment style
o Degree of security experiences in interpersonal relationships
o Differential styles initially develop in the interactions between infants and
caregivers
o Involves acquisition of basic attitudes about self-worth and interpersonal
trust
§ Self-worth/self-esteem: degree to which the self is perceived
positively or negatively; one’s overall attitude towards self
§ Interpersonal trust: degree to which others are perceived as generally
trustworthy, dependable and reliable
Attachment Styles Description
Secure Attachment Style - High in self-esteem and trust
- Able to form lasting, committed,
satisfying relationship
- Most successful and desirable
attachment style
Fearful-Avoidant - Low in self-esteem and interpersonal
Attachment Style trust
- Tend to not form close relationships
or have unhappy ones
- Most insecure and least adaptive
attachment style
Preoccupied Attachment - Low self-esteem combined with high
Style interpersonal trust
- Wants closeness (sometimes
excessively) and readily forms
relationships
- Cling to others, but expect eventual
rejection because deem themselves
unworthy
- Conflicted and insecure attachment
style
 Dismissing Attachment - High self-esteem, low interpersonal
Style trust
- Belief that one is very much
deserving of good relationships, but
due to lack of trust, fear genuine
closeness
- Exclaim to not want or need close
relationship with others
- Conflicted and insecure attachment
style

Friendships
- Form as result of proximity or parental friendship
- Maintained by mutual interest and positive experiences together
- Close friendship
o A relationship in which two people spend a great deal of time together,
interact in a variety of situations, and provide mutual emotional support
o Characteristics of close friendship
§ Exhibit modesty when interacting
§ Less likely to lie
§ Speak as “we”, “us” instead of “she and I”

Loneliness
- The unpleasant emotional and cognitive state based on desiring close relationships
but unable to attain them
- Consequences of loneliness
o Spend leisure time in solitary activities
o Have few connections that are important
o Only have casual friends or acquaintances
- Loners are perceived as maladjusted, poor health, lower life expectancy
- Why are people lonely?
o Combination of genetic factors, attachment styles, lack of opportunity for
early social experience with peers, environmental factor
- Reducing loneliness
o Acquire new and more appropriate social skills

Romantic Relationships and Falling in Love

Friendships and Relationships
Similarities Differences
- Affiliation need - Interpretation of one’s emotional
- Affect arousal arousal in the presence of another
- Proximity person as strong as attraction
- Reactions to observable - Higher standards when it comes to
characteristics physical attractiveness, social status
- Similarity and characteristics (warmth,
- Mutual likings intelligence)
 - Playfulness is important

Overlapping Schemas in Romantic Relationships

- Self schemas
- One’s perception of partner’s schema
o Often unrealistic and inaccurate
- Relationship between self and partner schema

Selection of Romantic Partners: Do Women and Men Differ?

Men
- Seek female attractiveness; women’s physical appeal and youth play a stronger role
in men’s preferences
- Youth + beauty = reproductive fitness
- Bilateral symmetry
o Left and right side of the body is symmetrical
o Symmetrical face perceived to be more attractive
Female
- Seek male resourcefulness
- Power = ability to raise and protect offspring
- Also respond to male attractiveness, male youth is not as important to fertility

What is Love?
Love
- A combination of emotions, cognitions and behaviours that often play a crucial role
in intimate relationships
- Involves more than merely being romantically or sexually interested in another
person
Passionate Love
- An intense and often unrealistic emotional response to another person
- Usually begins as a sudden, overwhelming, surging, all-consuming positive reaction
- When experienced, often perceived as indication of true love; observers perceive it
as infatuation
- In addition to sex, includes strong emotional arousal and desire to be physically
close, intense need to be loved as much as you love
Unrequited Love
- Love felt by one person for another who does not feel love in return
- Most common among people with a conflicted attachment style

Origin of Love
- No one knows for sure
- Evolutionary
o Ensuring survival of species
- Biological
o Desire/Lust
 o Interpersonal commitment

Sternberg’s Triangular Model of Love

- Suggests that each love relationship is made up of three basic components
o Intimacy
§ Closeness two people feel and strength of the bond that holds them
together
§ Essentially companionate love
§ Partners high in intimacy à concerned with each other’s welfare and
happiness, value, like, count on and understand each other
o Passion
§ Sexual motives and sexual excitement associated with a couple’s
relationship
§ Based on romance, physical attraction
§ Passionate love
§ Men are more likely to stress this component
o Commitment
§ Cognitive processes involved in deciding that you love and are
committed to maintain the relationship
- Intimacy + passion + commitment = consummate love
o A complete and ideal love
o Difficult to attain
Jealousy: An Internal Threat to Relationships (Romantic and Otherwise)
- Concerns that a person whom we care deeply might transfer their affection and
loyalty to another
- Largely result of threat to one’s self-esteem

Marriage: Happily Ever After – or Not?

- Involves commitment to remain in a close relationship for the remainder time of
one’s life
- Recent researches focus on:
o How we choose marriage partners
o What factors contribute to marital happiness/unhappiness
o Overall impact of marriage in our lives
- Factors Affecting Marital Happiness
o Similarity and assumed similarity
§ People tend to marry others similar to themselves à remain similar
or become more similar
§ Assumed similarity: extent to which two people believe they are
similar
o Dispositional factors
§ Some appear to be better able to maintain a positive relationship
than others
§ Narcissism: individual who feels superior to most other people, who
seeks admiration and lack empathy
• Less commitment to relationship
- Reasons of Failure/Success of Relationships
o Costs and benefits of marital interactions
o Problems between spouses
§ Failure to understand the reality of a relationship
• No spouse is perfect
o Perceiving love – or at least approval – as contingent on success
§ Growing tendency on the part of one or both partners to perceive
that their partner’s love and approval is linked to external success
• Partners come to expect that their partners will be kind and
loving and express approval only when they are successful
§ Likely to develop among people low in self-esteem
o External pressure: effects of being in a marginalised relationship
o Consequences of failed relationships