Perry Little Little 1

Theatrical Improvisation

Prof. Phaneuf

December 06, 2010

Theatrical Improvisation; Final presentation

The Haggling of Nothing.

Our story is of three persons, a noble King, a traveling merchant of questionable

nature hailing from a foreign land, and a drunken idiot of affluence.

The story begins as a conversation between the noble King, and the idiot drunkard who

happens to be his life long friend.

“My dear sir of your excellent nature and heartfelt devotion to me and my side

these long loved years, I must convey to you that I cherish you and value beyond Earthly

measure, your company, good sir!”said the noble King.

“My King, my friend, my dearest homie [hic] I accept your statement of

appreciation, acknowledging full well the part you yourself have played in this lucid play,

it has been a most wonderous time drinking and being inebriated, [hic] under your rule

my good and kindly King! You never fail to engage my active participation with your

most generous offerings of this concoction called alcohol. I beg for another good sir!

That I may benefit your company and show my devotion to your offerings, er your side

my good King!” replied the drunken idiot.

 Little 2

“My good friend” bolstered the Noble king. “Of course you may have another,

under my rule it is law that one drink. I’ll not have any outlaws in my good company!

I’ll have you know I’ll give everything, and spare nothing for just your company sir.”

exhorted the King.

“My most gracious and wealthiest of hosts!” came a cry from behind them.

They both drunkenly and sporadically turned around in unison and came to a working

degree of balance, that they could see the interrupting interjection from behind them.

There before them was a highly polished individual, bearing a striking resemblance to a

conniving and scandalous merchant. The most convincing evidence was the blue Wal-

mart vest the shady character wore and the shiny on his shoes, when all other even the

King himself wore the mud they carried.

“I am Daniels, but just to clarify any confusion my first name in truth, be Jack!

Simple and solid! Jack, hearty and rich, aged to perfection from the gorgeous country

hills of Tennessee. I’ve a secret to tell, should you promise not to snitch. I was blessed

with an ear and a knack for using that ear to hear statements of perfection, whenever I be

near.” beamed the shady businessman.

“Sure that I had encountered such a statement, I had to interrupt you fine sirs. That I

may offer you a piece of my own perfection, the market be this very environment.”

“Are uhh, you with the Girl Scouts or something? Because the King and I, I must

say, we don’t like drugs see we’re straight edges in every accountable way.” retorted the

drunken idiot. “See the King and me-“ “Silence idiot!” the King broke in.
 Little 3

“Firstly it’s the King and I get it right. Drink you more, that you may see.

Its not Jack Daniels, tis before us, our mortal enemy! I’ll always know the shiny,

gleaming bright and free. On the back of that foul beast, water! That sour sullen carrier

of mediocrity! What reason or excuse, what argument or praise might your bear? Be it

good Son, its offensive to impersonate our honored hero the one called Daniels!” said the

King, puffing out his chest and weighing full in front of the being; Water.

“Begging your pardon kind sir, the intentions of mine bear no malice nor shame,

not of mine, nor those who share my name. I was only passing by when I heard your cry,

your insult to my friend the one I call Nothing, though I insist I did not mean to pry. I

ask you good King, surly all posses some, value or merit to you sir, spoken by your own

tongue. But what sir, may I ask, did my dearest friend Nothing do? To warrant your

invalidity of his worth, what road is there that this may come?” asked Water.

“Foolishness, and rubbish sire! Nonsense and madness! Why do you waste the

time of our honored and noble King? Take your worthless riddles or value

mismanagement elsewhere! To even suggest-“attempted the idiot

“Silence idiot! I have not mismanaged my assessment of Nothing. I do infact

know how valuable Nothing is. Without it there cannot be anything! Why do you think I

said I’d spare it in favor of this idiot, who I have to keep drunk just to be around?”

answered the Noble King.