What A Successful Mind and Marriage Looks Like - Marriedredpill

r/marriedredpill Search Get Coins
r/marriedredpill
Posts
 Posted by u/Blarg_Risen MRP APPROVED 8 months ago 

About Community 
175
What A Successful Mind and Marriage Looks Like

Hey all. Long time veteran deciding to come back to give you all some perspective. I see r/marriedredpill
there's still a very large number of users here trying to "get it", and a small group of
approved guys who actually do "get it" in the sense that they've got a model that works. The Red Pill (TRP) main subreddit is a
But I wanted to give a perspective to old and new alike, who want to have more than an discussion of sexual strategy in a culture
amorphous idea of what life at the end of the tunnel looks like coming from a marriage increasingly lacking a positive identity for
that actually works now, one that didn't end in a savage divorce, as well as offer a path to men. Married Red Pill (MRP) is a discussion
those more experienced who may be doing all the rights things and reaping all the right for married men or men in long term
rewards, but who still has some internal conflict about themselves, life, and who they are. relationships that want to adhere to red pill
philosophy and methodology while
And just to be clear, this is a (long) post talking about living the experience. You're not
remaining in that relationship. This is The
going to learn anything new here related to MRP, but you'll be able to relate to the end
Red Pill on hard mode.
game with a better understanding, which is important because no one really talks about it.
The material you get here is all about getting from one place to the other. But nothing talks 31.8k 80
about living it. It's a silently accepted mental burden. And it's kind of why we all got here at Members Online
MRP in the first place, because no one talked about actually living this stuff.
Created Jun 30, 2014

Just for the reference, here's me 1/3 through my transformation, here's me 2/3 through my JOIN
transformation, and here's where I left awhile ago to go put this stuff to the test, and really
find what happened when I asked what I wanted of the world unconditionally. CREATE POST

COMMUNITY OPTIONS
What Happens When You Ask Unconditionally
Sidebar
Basically the universe has opened up to me both externally and internally in a way that I
basically dreamed it would since I first started. There's this global understanding of others
and myself, and our possibilities, and our limitations, that has made it so that I feel not only NEW? START HERE: Steel's Detailed
empowered, but can actually read the code in the matrix for what it is. Guide To Married Red Pill
There's a buzzphrase that used to go around here and that is that we shouldn't be worried
about the why, MRP teaches the how. But I don't believe the why isn't important. You FAQ: WHO ARE WE?
shouldn't just be looking for the instruction manual, the right "moves" you need to do in
life to get to where you want to go.
1. Red Pill Terms and Acronyms
You should want to get to a point where you understand why all these tools work the way
they do. In that way, you come to a better understanding of other people as well and how 2. Other Common MRP Acronyms
they are flawed, and how you are flawed, and why we end up like this. Don't just be a
Asking about acronyms that are included in either
puppet, understand what's going on.
of these two links will result in a ban.

Before Posting Read the MRP Wiki which has
And the reason I include "our" in that last paragraph is because of one key idea that, since top posts from MRP APPROVED contributors.
the beginning of my journey in August of 2015, that I've kept asking myself through
POSTING GUIDELINES: READ BEFORE POSTING.
reading all the books and all the posts and all the experiences. And that idea is:
NEW GUYS AND BASIC QUESTIONS: POST ON
/r/askMRP

What if the misunderstandings, the unguided, lethargic, ad-hoc approach that men are WOMEN: post on /r/RedPillWives, you will
applying to their lives and failing with that seem to bring men in here to ask "how do I be banned on sight here
unfuck my life and mental models", what if that is not a men problem?
UEMcGill's readings for Redpill Husbands:

Course Prerequisites
What if the Disney fairytale isn't just believed by men? What if it is a HUMAN problem? What No More Mr Nice Guy, Robert Glover
if the fact that people as a whole were left to grow from child into adult without any kind of Married Man Sex Life Primer, Athol Kay
guidance whatsoever except the mainstream strategies that the media bombards us with,
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, M. Smith
and the strategies that we come up with are merely our best attempts to make life work
with what we know? Red Pill 101
The Rational Male, Year One, Rollo Tomassi

And this really doesn't go against much of the behavior Rollo talks about in a lot of his and the book
books. But I dare you to go back and read/listen through them again and at each example
The Mindful Attraction Plan, Athol Kay
think to yourself..."do guys do this kind of thing too?"
The Sixteen Commandments of Poon
The Book of Pook- Online

The Book of Pook Free Audio Version
Women Have Been Lied To As Well The Red Pill Sidebar
"I get it!" "No, you really don't." - Triadis3

Graduate Level
I know. Because we all grew up watching Disney films where all a princess has to do is
twirl a few times and bat her eyes at a guy and he gets it. (A butchered quote from a The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida
woman, on women's misunderstanding of how to flirt with men, found on reddit). The 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene
The Sex God Method, Daniel Rose

ADVANCED READING LIST FOR MRP
Consider for a moment the analogy of the matrix. And how you were raised from a child to
General Awesome Guy Shit
believe in Disney fairytales, happily ever after, and the undying love of a woman. And how
after growing up and realizing that a lot of what you told was just some bullshit feel-good The Red Pill Room
to help you stay in line and be kind to one another caused you to find some place like MRP How to Win Friends and Influence People,
to unplug you from the matrix, after which you saw that life really had different social Dale Carnegie
dynamics than you originally thought. A River Runs Through It and Other Stories,
Norman Maclean
Now consider for a moment, would it REALLY be a stretch, for even the POSSIBILITY that Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance,
MAYBE women too were also groomed with lies in such a way as to have a near completely Robert M. Pirsig
flawed understanding of how relationships truly worked, and that their actions were IRC Chat Room For MRP Members
merely efforts to live their lives in a way that tried to understand the truth between what Daddy Issues? Try /r/redpillfatherhood
they've been told, and what they're seeing in real life?
Married Red Pill On Video
Is it that much of a stretch, that women, too, are living in a type of matrix? Saving a Low Sex Marriage Book & Class
Advanced MRP Class

Entrepreneurs in Cars: Guys, Girls & the 21
Convention
Think about it. You never see (in a Disney sanctioned film) Bell getting her ass reamed out
by Gaston. Or Cinderella swallowing a load from Prince Charming. These parts of a Rollo Tomassi The Rational Male Youtube
Channel
relationship aren't taught in the Disney fairytale. Literally the idea of hot fucks that she
does in her college dorms and the guy she's going to live happily every after with are two Previous stickied posts
different constructs in her mind. SteelSharpensSteel's breakdown: The
Mystery Method
And not because of the hypergamous alpha and beta shit. It's because she never learned
You are What you Eat
that they can be the SAME PERSON. So when you lead her to a new reality, where these
Body Language
ideas are broken, it's literally like unplugging her from her own matrix.
Don't fix her problem..Fix her feelz
New? Panicked or feeling Punch-Drunk?
dondreadpirates notes on plates while
And this doesnt mean there aren't differences between the sexes. There are. Chemically, married
biologically, socially. But the fact of the matter is, we are both flawed. And we both need
Divorce Advice
fixing. And once you realize this, that what your wife is trying to do is simply maximize what
she gets out of life given the limited available set of tools that she has in her mind, you see Red-Curious' Divorce Prep Guide, follow up
a very clear parallel between the person you were when you began this journey, and the 5-step functional introduction, and "Beta"
Divorce Strategy Planning.
person she is before she starts trying to catch up.
The Biological Step-Mother
The Art of War Sun Tzu explains how to
handle modern relationships and Divorce
You also realize that in order to catch up, it doesn't simply require a falling in line. The end
Pre-empting the DV Charge
game, for me anyways, to ensure desire driven compliance instead of negotiated
Tactics to minimize alimony.
compliance, was to have a wife who also understood the dynamic that we BOTH work off
of, who is also intelligent enough to see what's going on and how we both erred, and to Precursors to TRP
change into the person she wants to be to make the dynamic work. Practical Female Psychology: For the Practical
Man

The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of
Human Nature
It Works...For Both of You
60 Days of Dread
Group MRP Challenge: 60 Days of Dread

See, a lot of what I see in this place is still taking place from the perspective of "I'm the
prize, you just need to bring enough value to capture my attention". And that in itself is full Week 1, Lifting for Life
of conflict. AND MAKE NO MISTAKE, YOU NEED TO HAVE THIS MINDSET ON THE JOURNEY Week 2, Eating for Health and Fitness
UNTIL SHE COMES ALONG. Week 3, Hygiene
Week 3, Hygiene, Hair Addendum
But her end drive shouldn't be one of "I need to get enough value points to stay on his
Week 3, Hygiene, Man's Guide to Cologne
good side" but "I need to understand myself and him, to the point that we both work".
Week 4, Style
Week 5, Game
Week 6, Finances
I don't want a relationship based on conflict. I don't want her to just fall in line. I want a
Week 7, Career
relationship based on mutual understanding. I want her to understand why we were
Week 8, Social Life
flawed, and develop herself how she needs to to make this work.
In the end, I want to say that "we're the prize". And it's funny because now that I got to
where I am, and she got to where she is, we do say that. Often. We tell each other "we so
r/marriedredpill Rules
work together" when we understand each others buttons and how we operate. We say "we
are totally hot" when we point out each others muscles and talk about the flabby men and
women we see out in public. We say "No one else is even trying" when we talk about 1. No Concern Trolling
people with no lives.
2. No Shaming

3. No Moralizing
Anyone who remembers J10, he once wrote about the three levels of the relationship
4. Rule Zero Violation
where in level 1 you're keeping score, level 2 she's keeping score, and level 3 she finally
asks where the scoreboard is, and you tell her "oh that dusty old thing, it's in the back". 5. No Solicitation
Well level 4 is when she looks at you and says "and that's where it should stay".
6. Lacking Self Control
There's no questioning that the old ways of doing things were not the right way. She's not a
passenger on the ship, she's helping to run it because she wants it to go to the same place. 7. Own Your Shit
8. No value added
I cannot tell you how many times I've seen myself lead my wife into some new territory 9. OYS Violation :: "She" doesn't matter
sexually, emotionally, in the way we talk to each other, in the way that we search out the
10. OYS Violation :: Whining about 3rd
joys of life, that right before I make that breakthrough with her, she lets out some party actions
acknowledgement of "I'm sorry" or "I didn't know it could work this way".
In fact more times than not, the growth of our relationship has come NOT from me finally
Moderators 
adopting some manly role (that I'm truly doing for myself) that finally clicks with her innate
need for that kind of man, but from me leading her to ways of life, trains of thought,
u/isolos Married- MRP MODERATOR
methods of communication that she just did not know existed. I'm literally, very slowly,
unplugging her from her programmed matrix. And she's loving me for it. u/ford_contour Married- MRP MODERATOR
u/UEMcGill Married- MRP MODERATOR
u/BluepillProfessor Married-MRP MODERATOR

The kicker, and I come back to my phrase of "A man doesnt desire complaince, a man
desires desire" is that actions due to ignorance are a better fit to the adjective of u/Archwinger Married- MRP MODERATOR
compliance, whereas actions driven by choice are a true measure of desire.
u/strategos_autokrator Man, Married, Mod
When I unplug my wife from some small part of her matrix, when she sees both the way
u/AutoModerator Bot, Married - MRP MODERAT…
things operated in her matrix, and the way I showed her things can operate, and chooses
to now operate in my frame, THAT is desire. u/IanIronwood Married- MRP MODERATOR
u/SorcererKing MRP SAGE - MRP MODERATOR
u/bogeyd6 MRP MODERATOR

What isn't desire, is if you raise yourself to a standard and do things truly for you, but that
also click into her pre-programmed illusion that is her matrix. That really is just her
VIEW ALL MODERATORS
complying with the reality that she's been forced to live in so far. Compliance, not desire.
Help About
That said, we don't go into the future living in the post apocaliptic wasteland that is the
Reddit App Careers
unplugged matrix. I don't explain it to her down to the depths of taking her to the vats of
Reddit Coins Press
harvested humans every time we interact. That level of explanation is just depressing.
Reddit Premium Advertise
That's autistic. Instead, i show her just enough of how there's another way that i open the
Reddit Gifts Blog
door. After she chooses to walk through it, to create an even more powerful bond, we then
Communities Terms
both step back into the matrix with the knowledge that we have now, and play with the
Top Posts Content Policy
previously imposed ideas as if they were a GAME.
Topics Privacy Policy
Mod Policy
When I act macho and she giggles, it's not because I'm fitting her hypergamous model of
acting macho and she's fitting my validation need for giggles, we both understand the
Reddit Inc © 2020. All rights reserved
roles we play and the meaning behind it on both levels, plugged and unplugged.

BACK TO TOP
And that's all I have to write about the successful marriage. And you might be thinking that
our pie in the sky marriage is totally the place to be and easy to live with. It is. But at the
same time, it isn't. The success of my life now comes with the knowledge of infinite
potential, and infinite work.
I'm Flawed
You know the phrase "It's all your fault?" It's that, rephrased to "You have the power to do
whatever you want, like WHATEVER you want, if you are simply able to take on the work,
risk, and negative baggage associated with that." And I don't mean associated negative
baggage that comes from other people's thoughts and opinions.
But it's an understanding that anything we do, from lifting, to socializing, to internalizing,
comes with some form of, with no other way to put it, shit that we have to deal with, and
take on, in order to achieve it. You want to learn to X? Here's a list of baggage you'll need to
carry. Can you carry it?
And that's the shit I'm going to talk about in this second part. See the main purpose of this
part of the post is to level with you, newer guy, and to relate with you, more experienced
vet, about what getting what you want actual means both internally and externally.
Because we often look at people that we think have 'made it' and get wrapped up in the
social media bias that what we see on the outside IS everything that's going on. There's no
negative, that guy just gets to reap the benefits of being totally jacked all the time. There's
no negative, that guy can pickup any chick he wants with 100% success. There's no
negative, that marriage is perfect.
But that's not really what's going on. What's really going on is an unseen level of sacrifice
and risk and personal strife the likes of which we just cannot fathom until we've walked in
those shoes.
But I'm going to give a warning, and this is my only warning, that when I open up to you,
and when I relate to you, if you choose to use that as an EXCUSE to not achieve...then, it is
all your fault.
Why am I doing this? I'm doing this because I compare myself really closely to the
personality of Owen from RSD, who has said he found himself to be lightly autistic growing
up, but with an unnatural ability to just fucking grind in career, socially, in relationships,
and whatever he set his mind to, to arrive at the success he has today.
And Owen most related to me and meant something to me, and I connected with his
internal struggle when he tells not of the conquests he's had, but when he shows the
actual human mind behind those conquests. The one who, while he looks like a god on the
outside, is still building, and following mental models on the inside that attempt to guide
him to peace, happiness, and success continually.
The relatable characteristics made him human. And the fact that I saw him as human, and
also as a man with the ability he has, allowed me to relate and further push myself because
there was no barrier of "this guy's different" anymore. He's like me, so I can be like him.
And so I begin:
Looks: I am god damn sexy. No, like really. Like fucking really. I have heard this through
both guys, and girls directly, and heard through friends and my wife, that people will stop
them and comment on it.
I keep myself fit. I lift heavy and often. I run a lot. I trim and style and groom myself to a
point where, when commenting on it online, people have said that behavior is well past
obsessive compulsive and no one in their right mind would be able to duplicate it. I am
absolutely aware of how good I look. I catch people, men and women, looking me over as I
walk down the street. And I bask in the gloriousness of my success. When I run, and take
my shirt off, I honestly believe it provides a standard that guys think "wow I need to get in
shape like that" and women honk their horn and shout as they drive by. Yeah, it happens.
But I'm going to level with you: I go through periods of body dysmorphia. I will look in
the mirror and see right past my 6-8 pack and giant pecs and v shape and adonnis belt and
see something I'm just not happy with. I keep myself below 10% bf and will totally believe
one day that I'm set to be the best looking mf on the beach, and then stress the next day
over an extra 100 calories I ate with dinner. Those calories you cannot even see, if they
actually made it to any fat cell I have and if I didn't really underestimate what I burnt that
day after working out, running 10 miles, and rock climbing.
Chicks are thinking about how good I look? No way I tell myself. I just succeed because
looks don't matter I tell myself. That girl that was giving me fuck-me eyes, a fluke I say.
Lesson: I truly believe that what we find pleasure in in life is the journey and the change,
and so when you're at sub 10% body fat and are everyone's 8/10 or above, that feeling is
great some moments, but other times the glory of it fades. You're still heads and tales
above everyone else, you know it, you're happy for it, but that happiness is not sustainable.
It comes and goes.
Men who are at this level will relate to both the good and bad that comes with this
experience and understand that the act of being at the top entails all the positivity AND
negativity that comes with being at the top, while those who are not at this level will simply
look at good looking guys and say "It shouldn't matter that you battle this feeling every
now and then, you're gorgeous."
It's some shitty way of saying "be grateful". And part of that negativity is feeling that you're
garbage, even though you know at the same time you're the prize. It's not a healthy
thought. But it is part of me and is a thought. I accept it, and move on.
Socially: I am the guy who's throwing an awesome party. Who's hanging with all the
guests, men, women, and kids and having a blast. I'm the guy going around to everyone
and talking, saying hi, making friends out of nowhere, and generally being open and
outgoing. I'm the host that your wife will whisper to my wife "I wish my husband threw
events like this and gave that amount of effort."
I make it a point to always be more outgoing than what I see people doing in the normal
world. When I walk up to a bar, into a room, or out with a group and I see people looking at
their phones, into their drinks, or generally around the room I am the guy who says to
himself "I'm going to open you, just to share the social bliss I know you're suppressing."
But I'm going to level with you: I'm still fucking scared to approach people. If I haven't
been social that day up to that point? I walk into a room of people and sometimes I say in
my head "Fuck, I don't want to do this." Or "Maybe I can just lay low." Or "Everyone's
already made friends and I'll just fail anyway so why bother."
No scared doesn't mean I don't do it. It just means those negative emotions you get, that
you base your excuses on like "I feel afraid, and feeling afraid is bad, and I shouldn't do
things that are bad, therefore I wont" are bullshit, because we all have them.
Lesson: Owen said it himself, you never lose that approach anxiety. You just look at
yourself and believe that regardless of it, you'll succeed anyway. You succeed in spite of it.
Not because it's gone. Not because you have control of it. But in spite of it.
No one conquers their approach anxiety. We have it, and we approach anyway. So while I
am the guy who will approach, that doesn't mean I'm not having any kind of negative
feeling in my head. That doesn't mean I didn't have to talk myself into it to do it. But the
key is that I do it anyway. I approach in spite of all that.
And I don't seek to eliminate those bad feelings in myself. Instead I learn to accept them as
normal emotions that are a part of me. They're supposed to happen. You're putting
yourself at unnecessary social risk and anything could happen...of course you're going to
feel some kind of pull not to and invent reasons you shouldn't. That's NORMAL.
Those voices will ALWAYS be there telling you not to. This is why pros talk about warming
up. It's a real thing they use to help them. Being a pro doesn't mean you've got your
performance red-lined every second of every day. It means you know how to and can get
yourself to that maximum performance when you want.
Value: I spread value when and wherever I can. I'm big into raves and find it akin to the
"spread love" vibe that people give off there. I enjoy making other people feel good.
Bringing them out of their shell. Making them smile. Making them laugh.
People look to me for value in love, guidance, self confidence, and willpower. And I give it
because it means something to me to spread my value to the world. I don't expect
anything from it, I give it freely.
As men we are idealist, and I imagine a world where everyone casts off this self-imposed
oppression and defensive nature that we're all holding onto and embraces the ability to
spread love and value. Make no mistake I do not allow myself to be taken advantage of.
There's certain boundaries you have to be aware of when you embark on a journey to
spread love. And one of those important ones is to make sure your love, just like it is spread
freely, is received freely as well.
The closest state to emotional bliss you can have with someone is to come as close to that
line of fully giving and them fully receiving without either taking advantage, keeping score,
or letting that value diminish as a result of ego protection in anticipation of either of you
straying from that balance.
But I'm going to level with you: A lot of times in the world I perceive an imbalance
between what I give and what I receive. And let's be clear that the very first book on the
sidebar has already burned the idea of expected value out of me. So it's not expected value
return, but i would say it's like idealized value return.
Sometimes that imbalance gets to me. And sometimes the awareness that someone has
ventured from free giving and receiving of love and morphed it into a tool for their own
gain is severely hurtful. Sometimes I look at people in the world and wonder why we're all
like this...why if it is possible to give and receive freely, if we all seem to choose over time to
take more than we receive. Almost as if we all learn over time to withhold spreading value
as a defensive measure to us all being burned at one point. If giving value is even worth it if
everyone else is taking more on average.
This takes you down some really dark places, ultimately ending in ideas of somehow
everyone else seems to be ok with the exchange rate of value and you're just flawed, or
sensitive. Or alternatively people come to the point that value exchange is so unfair that
they take themselves out of the equation (think guy who sits at home playing video games
his entire life, or old man grumpy and complaining about how the world hates him, or guy,
literally, taking himself out of life) and their entire ability to give value has been corrupted
fatally. And if that's the case I don't want to live in a world like that.
Lesson: Giving is at the far end of the spectrum. And pure statistical odds say that if you
give more than average, you will receive less than average in return. And by default,
because everyone's so scared to act, and interact on a social level, then if you want to,
you're going to have to be the one to put in the initial value.
People will often say you have to expect 40% back for the 60% you give. But I believe this is
just a pessimistic rule we have to tell ourselves in order to not allow our giving to be
destroyed by an inevitable thought-chain of "if this is the way it is, why bother?"
But in the same vein as any activity, where the struggle constantly seems harder than the
rewards: Lifting, dressing well, eating right, etc...we know these are the things we need to
do anyway. And somehow it is worth it. Even though you've put 500 hours into the gym,
and all you get is a 2 second lookover by a passing chick or an honest compliment from a
guy, that's worth it.
I said I've been to raves where people give this free love. And to see the ability of people to
be like that, even for a brief moment in time, restores my drive to want to be just like that.
It's really a feeling that cannot even be put into words. Being at events like that is like
seeing the full capacity of value giving in action. And I know it's unsustainable. It's also
emotionally exhausting.
It's kind of like the fact that you can't deadlift your 1RM 40 times in a single day. You do it
once, you're done, drained, you need to recover. But I won't allow myself to not ever do it
because it makes me vulnerable or because it's hard. I see the fact that sometimes I'll get
bit or feel the imbalance, and I give anyway.
Ability: I have found in my life, be it through luck, a divine power, or something else, that
no matter what I try, I succeed in. In some way, even if that success is a morphing of both
the goal and my overall perspective on what success is, I end up succeeding. I have the
power to just grind. Just simply grind. And keep going knowing that anything I do I'm
moving toward success.
Lifting weights, running fast, making time with friends, keeping a positive outlook, making
money, people look at me and ask "How? How can you be successful at so many things?"
And it's just because when I set my mind to it, I achieve it. It happened with MRP too. I
knew what I wanted, and I got there.
But I'm going to level with you: It still feels like anything that I am not currently, that that
is out of my reach. Becoming a landlord? Out of my reach. Starting my own business? Out
of my reach. And it still feels like when I'm grinding on something, I think "Why am I doing
this? I'm a failure. This wont work." I still have that shitty belied that other people have
abilities that I don't through some kind of gift, as if they just poof got that power.
Lesson: So I know in myself, that things that I thought were out of my reach before I've
achieved. I've seen it. And I can see in myself now both the feelings that "Well it seems like
most/all things are within my reach if I simply do what is required" AND "There's no way I
could do that" at the same time. How can both thoughts exist at the same time? That I
don't know. But what I do know is that they're both there, and one will hinder me, and one
will drive me. I am flawed, both are there. I just need to have the willpower to pick. Just
make that decision to go for it, and I've got it.
Peace: Contentedness, happiness, acceptance, yin and yang, enlightenment, the

combination of whatever name you want to call it. You know that internal struggle, that
feeling that you're fighting a raw element of nature itself, like being in the ocean with some
rough surf where you can barely keep your head above water? Where you don't feel like
you have control? I don't have that anymore. Things just seem to make a lot more sense
now. I don't have the 1000 yard stare. I'm not confused by what happens to me in life on
the small or large scale.
But I want to level with you: Because it's not like I feel this way all the time. I don't walk
around with a permanent smile on my face. I don't sit here and not feel the anxiety of
dealing with a lazy, unintelligent boss. I'm not in some zen state where no negative feeling
ever gets in. From all I've written about my marriage above, sometimes we fight, and I
question our compatibility.
In the moment, I feel frustration, I feel worry, and fear, and anger just as much as I feel
happiness and bliss and euphoria. When life strikes at me I do fall back on mental models
I've constructed to hold me in place. And I understand that if those mental models fail then
my mind will open the flood gates to the feeling of chaos that will consume me.
Lesson: A lot of the time, in the now, I still feel the struggle and the emotions, but after the
fact, I see how I almost NEED to feel those things in order to feel the peace and
completeness that come afterward.
In it's purest logical form, it's as if now I know, understand, and have come to peace with
the fact that there is no path in life to that peace that doesn't include those feelings of
conflict. So in the moment, I can be at peace knowing that I will feel negatives and I will feel
positives, but if I know that the path I've chosen is one that will bring me where I want to
go in life, I will arrive, look back to the past, and remember it all in a peaceful,
understanding, bliss.
I said before that I went and asked what I wanted of the world unconditionally...that means
I ask without holding anything back on my part. And I learned that in order to truly be at
peace, you have to be able to receive back unconditionally too, even if that means receiving
negativity.
And there are books out there that try and teach you to become present to the moment.
Letting everything in, and not being defensive about it, and knowing that this is necessary
for that peace. I stop by here often enough to see new and older users still being angry or
frustrated at trying to progress.
I believe that MRP, while on the surface having everything to do with Rule 0, is simply a
vehicle for a greater understanding, which allows us to establish mental models which we
simply did not have before. And in fact when you get it, you'll see that the very lessons
learned here can be applied to many other aspects of your life as well.
Acceptance
I could go on. But ultimately the goal of this was to humanize the life of someone who
doesn't feel like they're at a disadvantage in life anymore.
So that when you see the athlete, or player, or successful marriage, that you don't have any
disconnect in your head that makes you believe that this person isn't like you, isn't dealing
with an internal struggle, and isn't making compromises but also grinding continually at
the same time.
And now I want to leave you with one more lesson. Because last time I left, I said to keep in
mind that the combination of all the feats that you see guys doing here seem to morph
into this superhuman male you have in your mind, who holds all the positive attributes and
non of the negative ones. And holding yourself up against that idealism may make you
constantly feel you arent good enough.
But what I didn't say, through correlation, is that you also do the same thing with women
too, and take all the positive attributes you see here, and morph them into a perfect wife as
well.
What you need to understand is that with the understanding that you, we, us, them, while
striving to be the best person we can be, all deal with internal struggles and aren't
superpowered, so is your wife. She is not your ideal. Your ideal may not even be out there.
And for those who have wives that just aren't trying at all and who you see a runaway train
heading for divorce this isn't for you.
But for the guy who has a wife that seems to at least be trying. Who makes effort to come
along...even if it's not at the pace you want...even if it's slightly off the destination you want.
Understand she is trying. You know how you started off and you weren't entirely clear of
the path yet...how you did some sloppy improvements, and messed up in some places, and
needed guidance and time? Holy shit your wife will do that same thing when she tries to
follow.
Ultimately you will be the judge of where your ship is going and who comes along, but
remember that just as you are working with what you have, with a full understanding of
your limitations, she is as well. So she's not ideal. But she's growing and improving just like
you. Can you live with that?
There's no right or wrong answer here. And I did lie, I'm giving you another warning. Just
like I said before if you use anything I've said as an excuse not to work on YOU, then it's all
your fault...so too if you use any of what I've just said as an excuse for HER, then again it's
all your fault. It's not an excuse. I'm not advocating for more slack that you're ultimately
willing to give.
But you still need to ask, can you live with that? I'm flawed. You're flawed. She's flawed.
Come to terms with that. It took me three years to get to where I wanted to be. And my
wife has really only been solidifying her improvement for maybe 1. But on more than one
occasion, unprompted, she's already said looking back she's glad we're out of that rough
spot, and that she's happier than she ever has been. And I agree.
 60 Comments  Give Award  Share  97% Upvoted
This thread is archived

 New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast
SORT BY BEST
 weakandsensitive 11 points · 8 months ago
 I'd suggesting putting in some headers

Give Award Share Report Save
 Blarg_Risen MRP APPROVED  4 points · 8 months ago
 I'll work on it.

 johneyapocalypse Told Death to Fuck Off - MRP is easy mode 10 points · 8 months ago
 A gargantuan post from a gargantuan blarg.
Good to have you back dude.


 good post - very advanced stuff.
 Batman_Or_BruceWayne 11 points · 8 months ago
 Thanks for taking the time to write up a great post. Insight, and very well written.
You've succeeded in your goal of humanising "the man" at the end of all this.
Lesson: So I know in myself, that things that I thought were out of my reach before
I've achieved. I've seen it. And I can see in myself now both the feelings that "Well it
seems like most/all things are within my reach if I simply do what is required" AND
"There's no way I could do that" at the same time. How can both thoughts exist at
the same time? That I don't know. But what I do know is that they're both there, and
one will hinder me, and one will drive me. I am flawed, both are there. I just need to
have the willpower to pick. Just make that decision to go for it, and I've got it.
Holy fuck this hit hard. I thought I was the only one with both sides of my brain trying
to tear itself in half. My mantra here has been "I don't need faith - I have evidence", but
I also like your "one will hinder me, one will drive me" framing.
I can see, in my head, the life I want to live. And I know where I am now. But I've never
been able to see the in-between - the process to get from here to there. Maybe I don't
need to. Maybe you only see the "why" after you've done the "how". It feels like you've
given me a bit of a glimpse back at the path from your perspective. Thanks for that.
 Blarg_Risen MRP APPROVED  9 points · 8 months ago · edited 8 months ago

 I've learned to look for patterns in myself. More often than not, I will do things
because I know that regardless of how I feel, the last time I did it, I came out of it
grateful. So I know the negative feelings I have in the now usually only make sense
for the right now. But work against me in the long run. Huh...sounds like a lesson we
taught that applied only to women ;)
I've also noticed that that feeling of the end goal is essential in getting there. Stone
used to say "what do you want?" I noticed I seem to have this ability, and I've even
tried to describe it to friends, that when I'm presented with a problem...often I will
immediately know there's a solution, or if there isn't one. I won't know how to get
there at that moment. But I find when I attempt to solve it, I'm usually right. Typing it
out, I know it sounds stupid. But it speaks to the point of knowing where you want to
go, even if you don't know the path, that as you start walking, it'll appear.
 bcvickers 2 points · 8 months ago
 More often than not, I will do things because I know that regardless of how I
feel, the last time I did it, I came out of it grateful. So I know the negative
feelings I have in the now usually only make sense for the right now.
Man this is so key, thank you.

 rocknrollchuck MRP APPROVED 9 points · 8 months ago
 You should want to get to a point where you understand why all these tools work
the way they do. In that way, you come to a better understanding of other people as
well and how they are flawed, and how you are flawed, and why we end up like this.
Don't just be a puppet, understand what's going on.
This is one thing that's always bothered me. Learning the why behind the what helps
you accept things and work them to your advantage.
But her end drive shouldn't be one of "I need to get enough value points to stay on
his good side" but "I need to understand myself and him, to the point that we both
work".
That's been my goal from the beginning, and it's very satisfying when you finally
achieve this dynamic - a virtuous cycle.
Because we often look at people that we think have 'made it' and get wrapped up in
the social media bias that what we see on the outside IS everything that's going on.
There's no negative, that guy just gets to reap the benefits of being totally jacked all
the time. There's no negative, that guy can pickup any chick he wants with 100%
success. There's no negative, that marriage is perfect.
But that's not really what's going on. What's really going on is an unseen level of
sacrifice and risk and personal strife the likes of which we just cannot fathom until
we've walked in those shoes.
Social media bias - that's a great way of putting it!
Lesson: Owen said it himself, you never lose that approach anxiety. You just look at
yourself and believe that regardless of it, you'll succeed anyway. You succeed in spite
of it. Not because it's gone. Not because you have control of it. But in spite of it.
No one conquers their approach anxiety. We have it, and we approach anyway. So
while I am the guy who will approach, that doesn't mean I'm not having any kind of
negative feeling in my head. That doesn't mean I didn't have to talk myself into it to
do it. But the key is that I do it anyway. I approach in spite of all that.
And I don't seek to eliminate those bad feelings in myself. Instead I learn to accept
them as normal emotions that are a part of me. They're supposed to happen. You're
putting yourself at unnecessary social risk and anything could happen...of course
you're going to feel some kind of pull not to and invent reasons you shouldn't. That's
NORMAL.
Those voices will ALWAYS be there telling you not to. This is why pros talk about
warming up. It's a real thing they use to help them. Being a pro doesn't mean you've
got your performance red-lined every second of every day. It means you know how
to and can get yourself to that maximum performance when you want.
Wow. I needed to hear this today.
Sometimes that imbalance gets to me. And sometimes the awareness that someone
has ventured from free giving and receiving of love and morphed it into a tool for
their own gain is severely hurtful. Sometimes I look at people in the world and
wonder why we're all like this...why if it is possible to give and receive freely, if we all
seem to choose over time to take more than we receive. Almost as if we all learn
over time to withhold spreading value as a defensive measure to us all being burned
at one point. If giving value is even worth it if everyone else is taking more on
average.
I get this thought from time to time. I push it aside because I choose to give value
anyway because I like investing in the lives of others. Maybe that's Nice Guy thinking,
but I don't care. It's part of the reason I'm still here.
And now I want to leave you with one more lesson. Because last time I left, I said to
keep in mind that the combination of all the feats that you see guys doing here
seem to morph into this superhuman male you have in your mind, who holds all the
positive attributes and non of the negative ones. And holding yourself up against
that idealism may make you constantly feel you arent good enough.
It's your own internal 1,000 ft. rope - as you improve, it's as if your outer self reeling
your inner self in on the 1,000 ft rope. Your inner self is like a big, heavy anchor at the
end of the rope, trying to keep you in place so you can't move forward. As you reel the
rope in, your inner self slowly becomes congruent with your outer self. When you finally
drag the anchor on board, that's when your inner self and outer self are the same,
congruent with each other. No more anchor holding you back.
Great post bro!
 Maybe that's Nice Guy thinking
Nice guy thinking is "what do I get out of this" - not "how are they going to benefit".
Feel free to add on how the selfish component plays into this.
 rocknrollchuck MRP APPROVED 3 points · 8 months ago
 Wow, you're right.
Ways in which I seek approval - Looking unselfish.
Thanks for pointing that out, I need to think about that and give NMMNG a
reread - it's been a while.
 financeandfirepower Wife gets him schoolgirl outfits 1 point · 8 months ago

 Great post! Almost two years in myself and wife is improving right along with me.
This post was excellent in that mindset. I am really feeling good now with my lifts
and just feel awesome. Past few months I was kind of taking a victory lap with how
awesome it is but I know that it can get even better. Back to grinding and improving.
Never thought one of the struggles would be slowing down the gains because you
get comfortable with the improvements made. Seems to be a theme in mrp life if
you really do look in the mirror and improve yourself its amazing when you have the
moment of clarity and realize you are getting awesome. The blowjobs are good too
LOL
 HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR 8 points · 8 months ago
 Ultimately you will be the judge of where your ship is going and who comes along,
but remember that just as you are working with what you have, with a full
understanding of your limitations, she is as well. So she's not ideal. But she's
growing and improving just like you. Can you live with that?
As a dude that's in the intermediate stage with about a year under my belt, this is the
conflict that I've recently been working through internally. You've done very well here
with explaining that we're all improving around here - and let's not forget that if she is
growing and improving just like you - that's often the best sign of your ability to lead
and gives encouragement that you shouldn't drop her like a hot potato when she's
falling behind.
You referenced Jackten in your post. I think he was on a similar vein as you when he
posted this comment here that I've only recently read.
Solid post for those of us that understand that MRP is simply another frame that we
can live out of, but at some point our frame will likely transcend MRP to something
unique all to our own.
 Batman_Or_BruceWayne 3 points · 8 months ago

 You referenced Jackten in your post. I think he was on a similar vein as you when
he posted this comment here that I've only recently read.
Great link. Have spent 10 mins reading through it and the links that come off it.
Thanks for sharing that.
 HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR 2 points · 8 months ago

 Just passing notes around that someone else shared with me. No problem.
Took me a few reads to internalize for myself.

 Blarg_Risen MRP APPROVED  1 point · 8 months ago

 Good find. It is always easier looking back to understand just how thin the divide is
between wanting to stick with her and her improvement and wanting to leave and
start anew. And there are so many hidden psychological forces at play that you dont
even know about, and never will know about, until you understand that what you see
isn't the whole picture, that you can be flawed, that you go in search of those forces,
and then truly look at yourself in an unbias way. Just like Jack said though, neither
answer is wrong, because it's you who decide.
 Over60_FireTempered3 MRP APPROVED 7 points · 8 months ago
 As you look longer and harder, the rabbit hole just keeps getting wider and deeper.
Thanks for sharing your journey and your view of it. There is solace in the thoughts
shared on a parallel journey.

 Well fuck me. Look who joined the reunion. Wondering when your tag is going to
change to over70. Jk. You've always been someone I look up to for wise words. Hope
things are well.

 Eventually, Over70 comes for all of us that survive. The trick is to just do that.

 You need to start handing out tips for that then. I have a sinking feeling I
won't make it that far. As healthy as I am, I could probably treat my body
better in terms of recovery.

 Just for grins, I was once told by a specialist that I would never live past
forty. Rule zero, stay away from doctors unless it is absolutely necessary.
Rule zero + 1, always get a second and third opinion.
 RStonePT Official Counterfeit Goods 3 points · 8 months ago
 this who I think this is?


 Yup. None other. SURPRISE! I didn't die yet. Try not to act
disappointed.
 RStonePT Official Counterfeit Goods 1 point · 8 months ago

 Not at all dude. I've missed you and Frenchie.
Much catching up to do. Been a busy year

 Over60_FireTempered3 MRP APPROVED 1 point · 8 months ago
 Yes - things change...

 readwolfe 5 points · 8 months ago
 This post really resonated with me. I've been married six years and sometimes I feel
like a total mrp master. Other times my confidence wanes to the point that I feel like a
total beta.
It's the struggle for its own sake that creates value.
 simbarlion MRP APPROVED 4 points · 8 months ago
 High quality post from a larger than life character, thanks
If there is one thing i got from you is that you know you're going ok when what she
does (or does not ) do is a relatively minor issue - One must be one's own barometer of
success.
Kudos for the visit

 Hakuna Matata my friend.

 Reach180 MRP APPROVED 4 points · 8 months ago
 Holy shit, what a timely post for me. Between you and /u/inchargeman , it's been a hell
of a week for the MRP mid-timers.
Right now I'm in the middle of a massive shift that is completely changing my
understanding of what I envisioned 'end game' to look like. I'm literally just cresting
over the hill to glimpse the landscape you're living in and describing. I look forward to
seeing what I'm going to experience here, and what comes next.
I love your take on women being fed this same BS expectation. Recently, my wife was
telling me through tears how it feels like she's finally getting what she always wanted
once she accepted that it was OK to want this.
Some women want to live in The Matrix, where the rules are slanted in their favor. And
the men - the Red Pilled ones who have unplugged - most of them are still living in The
Matrix, too. Just focused on exploiting the bugs, or bitching about the design.
Your post here is the best I've read about how, once you've found a partner who has
also escaped, to proceed with your partner and actually live outside it.
 McLuhanSaidItFirst 1 point · 8 months ago
 Your post here is the best I've read about how, once you've found a partner who
has also escaped, to proceed with your partner
I think the point of the post was that he helped her escape; he stuck with her and
helped her wake up and unplug. Without him, she'd probably still be stuck, and not
know why because her emotions cloud her logic and insight.

 I want to emphasize that once unplugging...we both can play inside and outside
the matrix easily. Take away the matrix, taked away MRP...and think about every
mental model, thought, theory, different way you could look at life. Think of all
the emotions you could have with all the different facets of life. You truly bond
with someone when you both understand the same ways, the multiple ways to
operate in them.
Interacting with another person in real life...you can only communicate all the
insanely unique ideas and emotions and mental models in your head using your
5 senses. And if you've ever tried to describe an emotional experience to
someone, but find your words just don't seem to convey it properly, that's what
I'm talking about.
Truly bonding is like connecting your mind to theirs directly. They get it. You get
it. There's no loss of information.
 RecoveringBPAddict 3 points · 8 months ago

 Thanks for this. It really hit home for me.
 JDRoedell MRP APPROVED 2 points · 8 months ago
 Hey buddy. Welcome back. Good stuff here.

 AdorableHyena 2 points · 8 months ago

 Your post struck home with me. Especially the fact that after all your work and getting
where you're at, you still feel fear, uncertainty and doubt at times. I kept beating myself
up for that, which did not help my progress.
It's not at being your best where life happens, it while getting better.
 latingenius 2 points · 8 months ago

 Thanos for sharing ALL that.
 Skuggasveinn 2 points · 8 months ago
 Best thing I've read here in a while. You got some writing skills. Fortuna favet fortibus
 Chump_No_More Hard Core Nuclear Navy Red 2 points · 8 months ago

 I agree with others that this is all good stuff, but you need to be very careful with this...
And not because of the hypergamous alpha and beta shit. It's because she never
learned that they can be the SAME PERSON.
The harsh reality is that they can't believe it because they're not wired for it.
This is The Myth of the 'Good Guy'
Hypergamy tells them AF/BB can NOT exist in the same man. This is the source from
which Shit Testing flows. The more a man tries to be both, the more intense the testing
becomes.
The best a married man can do is be the mighty oak and immovable rock in her
presence, while being the provider/protector in the background.
Another aspect of a Man's Burden of Performance is to give her hamster plausible

deniability. Never draw her attention to your provider-ship.
This is why chore-play inherently does not work... you give her a front row seat to the
sausage being made. Just don't do it.

 I understand what you're saying and you're right we're walking a fine line here. But
Rollo writes for the plethora of confused men using piece-mealed narratives to
support the idea of hypergamy...and hypergamy is his way of taking the spectrum of
all women (AWALT) and putting them into a concrete form (i like to say putting all
women into a box) so they can be understood (I like to say so that box can be
attacked, even though we're not physically attacking it...more like barraging it
mentally to crack it).
The fact of the matter though is that AWALT really means 'all women have the
capacity to be like that', and when you step back and think about it...all people have
the capacity to be like that.
Take War Brides for example, one of Rollos more well known pieces. Where women
will quickly switch sides to allow themselves to get with men on the conquering tribe
because the tribe just killed their husbands. Okay, now imagine you were working at
a tech firm, and Google comes in and buys your company out. You now report to
Google. You tell me you don't switch sides as fast as those women did because a
bigger more powerful entity came and took over?
It's human nature. You do it too. Did hypergamy tell you to do that? No. It's common
survival instincts. Do men not branch swing? Do men not like fucking different
women and then settling down later? Is the random bar slut you fucked in college
your ideal wife? You don't think so at the time. They're two different women in your
head. The Madonna/whore complex for guys is the alpha/beta complex for women.
But I don't have beef with Rollo because the message NEEDS to be presented in that
format so guys can start to latch onto it in an attempt to start opening up to new
ways of thinking about the sexes. You cannot get guys to buy off on describing
women as an amorphous blob of all possibilities that you have to merge with
yourself...which is also an amorphous blob of all possibilities. Rollo (whether its
intentional or not...id debate that) is performing mental jiu jitsu by understanding
the problem, setting up a solution that is different from the truth because he knows
men cannot initially handle the truth...but in a way to get men walking toward the
truth anyway. If you keep taking his thoughts word for word instead of as guidelines
though...youll never see the truth.
The problem with the Good Guy isn't that he doesn't exist, but it's that he doesn't
exist because he's a generalization of a solution to a generalization of problems. In
attempting to put all women in one box, there's an attempt for men to then become
that 'One man', that perfect man, that the box wants. Which is exactly what
/u/McLuhanSaidItFirst is trying to argue for in his comments.
But the fact of the matter is women run the full gamut of personalities. So what I
wrote about, was the ability to take women in whatever mindset they currently have
and say "do you understand you don't have to look at life that way?" Take the slut
and lead her to see she can like to fuck men AND settle down with one. Take the
timid housewife and lead her to see she can be a mommy AND a slut in the
bedroom. And this goes down to the level of how you talk to each other, how you
discipline the kids, and what you do with your free time. You're taking all of her
preconceived ideas of LIFE and showing her new doors.
And you comment on not showing them the sausage and I agreed and wrote to
that...that you don't go that deep. You dont show them the fields of harvested
humans. You don't go "Hey honey I want to dissect all your intricate personalities
and figure out your kinks" and then dive down a 3 hour rabbit hole of awkwardness.
No, instead you look give the timid mother of your kids a sideways glance, smirk,
and say out of nowhere "what would you do if I told you to lick my asshole?" And
thats not to say it would work...anymore than you standing in the deep end of the
pool with your 1 year old on the side and coaxing them to jump will make them
jump. But it turns the knob to open the door. "Hey, you wanna walk through this
door?"
As for not drawing attention to your providorship and "Mans burden of

performance"...thats intro level getting your shit straight and not looking to others
for validation. And that applies to men and women, for men, and women. You don't
rub it in your friends face that you helped him replace his water heater. You don't
rub it in your kids face that you changed their diaper. You don't rub it in your wife's
face that youre a good boy. And likewise she shouldn't do all those things either. "
"Man's Burden of Performance" is just a buzzphrase to still offer some validation to

those still dependant on a validation drip that you should get some
acknowledgement for falling on your sword (because its called a "burden"). But what
Mens Burden of Performance really should be called is Life.
 BostonBrakeJob RoTY 1 point · 8 months ago
 And not because of the hypergamous alpha and beta shit. It's because she
never learned that they can be the SAME PERSON.
The harsh reality is that they can't believe it because they're not wired for it.
This maybe be true for some women out there, and maybe even the woman you are
with. But he wrote very well about the bigger picture surrounding this tidbit. And it
may be telling that you pulled the tidbit out and put it back under the microscope.
 Chump_No_More Hard Core Nuclear Navy Red 1 point · 8 months ago

 I pulled that 'tidbit' out because it caught my eye and I don't agree with it.
Have you read Rollo's essay on why men trying to be both is not believable to
women?
 BostonBrakeJob RoTY 1 point · 8 months ago

 I have read Rollo's essay. I've also read OP's main post. And I also have my
own personal experiences that have shown me one can be just as true as the
other.
I don't think this was wrote for the men who are still trying to be both though,
but rather the men who have become both.
Hypergamy tells them AF/BB can NOT exist in the same man. This is the
source from which Shit Testing flows. The more a man tries to be both, the
more intense the testing becomes.
One way to look at a woman's "shit testing" of a man trying to be both is as a

check to see if it's authentic.
But another way of looking at a woman shit testing, and maybe more so for a
man who has become both, is nothing more than a faulty tool she is trying to
use to get what she wants. Like the men who think chores = sex, or pandering
= less nagging.
The depth of this idea goes much deeper, but it misses the main point. Most
women do have the capacity to accept and appreciate both qualities from the
same man. It just has to be authentic. Most women may also have been raised
in a female matrix OP talked about and may not see how their own flawed
mental models are hindering them from getting what they really want out of
life. And most may need some guidance (like those of us who come to this
subreddit did) to break through.
 Blarg_Risen MRP APPROVED  1 point · 8 months ago
 is nothing more than a faulty tool she is trying to use to get what she
wants
Fucking spot on. Exactly.

 Non_Merger 1 point · 8 months ago
 Thanks for sharing. Some very thoughtful observations about your journey and the
feelz that come with it.
 ManguZa 1 point · 8 months ago
 It's crazy that this post don't have more upvote.

Thx to share mate.
 I think you have hit the nail on the head, identifying men's process that goes on in
parallel with the growth process developing in the other half of the human race. I need
to grow as much as my exes / future partner (if any) need it. I made a comment a while
back about how the Cock Carousel damages men, too, but in a specifically masculine
way. Got downvotes for that idea but I think you are seeing something similar, and your
post jogs my thinking on the subject.
Here's the key (IMO) to understanding the damage men receive in the Cock Carousel:
as you say, men are at their best when leading women to become their best. I'd also
say that men are at their worst when leading women in the wrong direction. If most
(healthy) women want a high value man, and high value men tend to avoid women who
ride/rode the Cock Carousel, then being a horse on the Cock Carousel is keeping men
stuck - trying to get more energy than they give. That's the hell of selfishness you
identified in this post.
Being the Cock Carousel also distracts men from developing the skill of leading their
woman into a higher level of emotional/mental health. That is self defeating, if a guy
wants to do more with his life than objectify himself and other people.
I was very interested in your description of rave culture - the lost world we all want to
return to where kindness motivates everything. I think you missed one thing: at a
certain level, there is no more giving or taking, and we realize that when we give love to
another, we benefit, so no matter what the response, we win when we love.
thank you.

 I'm sorry, I think you may have different ideas about my message. If it helps you, run
with it. But
men are at their best when leading women to become their best. I'd also say that
men are at their worst when leading women in the wrong direction
No. You cannot judge a man by what he's doing to a woman. A man is at his best
when he is pursuing his true wants...and I'm defining true as educated, directed
wants...and not wandering aimlessly. If a man wants a different one night stand
every night, and that's what he's doing, he's at his best. If that's what the woman
wants too, then they are both pursuing their best. If thats not what she wants, but is
doing it anyway...shes responsible for that, its not his fault for pursuing that. And the
"wrong" direction is only wrong if the man or woman is acting against his or her
interests.
If most (healthy) women want a high value man, and high value men tend to
avoid women who ride/rode the Cock Carousel, then being a horse on the Cock
Carousel is keeping men stuck - trying to get more energy than they give
You can't define healthy by wanting high value...mostly because value is in the eye of
the beholder. So if you can't define someone else's value, you can't judge their
health.
I don't understand why a high value man necessarily needs to avoid the carousel as
explained above. It's all aboit what he wants. If he has searched his soul and
understands his options, and chooses to be a horse on the carousel, that's his
choice. You don't get to define his value.
Every single man on this forum is heading to their own destination.
You're trying to put people, men and women in a box, and then judging that box.
Which is funny because using hypergamy as a box to put women in is a part I wrote
about when drafting this post but just didn't make it into it.
Free love means allowing others to have goals and wants and needs that are
different. If that's what makes them happy, why would I interfere or judge unless it
negatively affected me? If I walk around a rave and see a guy in a banana hammock,
fuck yeah rock that hammock! If I see a guy with a ball gag on a leash a girl is
holding...if they like that then fuck yeah rock that dynamic!

 No. You cannot judge a man by what he's doing to a woman
Men's behavior toward women exists on a spectrum from guys beyond you,
through you, to Ted Bundy. The effect a man has on a woman/women is
important, to everyone: men, women, children, society in general. That's why it
was so often weaponized and propagandized when it comes to Supreme Court
appointments. Its import is a real, not imagined thing.
the "wrong" direction is only wrong if the man or woman is acting against his
or her interests
Which is my point. If most high value women want a relationship with a high
value man, and high value men tend to avoid women on the Cock Carousel, then
the answer is plain to see.
You can't define healthy by wanting high value
Well, maybe you don't. High value mate connection is objectively in everyone's
interests - unless they are on a self-destructive trip (like the Cock Carousel). Even
Roosh V now understands it was a mistake.
a high value man ... If he has searched his soul and understands his options,
and chooses to be a horse on the carousel, that's his choice. You don't get to
define his value.
I'm not 'defining his value'- it's the choice of high value women. Who are, all other
things being equal, looking for high value men. And if a man is on the Cock
Carousel looking for high value women, he's barking up the wrong tree. And if
he's looking for low value women, that just proves my point: birds of a feather,
etc..
You're trying to put people, men and women in a box, and then judging that
box.
No., I'm describing the boxes that I see. I also judge, place a value, on avoiding
car accidents. So I drive carefully. I have a box marked 'behaviors of successful
people I've seen in relationships' and none of them feature the Cock Carousel.
People can rationalize the utility of the Cock Carousel for achieving sexual
satisfaction all they like but it's not a mystery that mutually satisfying long term
intimate relationships tend to produce the most happiness, over the long run, for
the most people, and that's the opposite of the CC.
It was a great post, and I learned a lot from it, I think. This conversation has taken
a strange turn. I think I'm picking up some cognitive dissonance on your part or a
blind spot in that you wrote a very eloquent defense of a man's role as leading a
woman into her best self, and are now backing away from it as though it doesn't
really matter in the end.
"Truly bonding is like connecting your mind to theirs directly. They get it. You
get it. There's no loss of information."
I don't think the CC is conducive to that. It's not what women in general, for the
most part, want. And if you, as an obvious high value man don't hold it as
important, too - then what was the point of that post?

 What I described was the ability to unplug a woman by allowing her to see
that there are choices outside of the mainstream or, described here,
hypergamous box she's known all her life. This is of course dangerous because
when you show her there are multiple choices to pick for who she wants to be,
she can choose something other than you. In my case, she chose me.
What you are doing, however, is taking the broad brush that I've painted
unplugging with, and are projecting your desired outcomes onto it. You're
using phrases like
The effect a man has on a woman/women is important, to

everyone...including society
You're just acting as the mouthpiece for society here, saying what society
wants is what I should give.
high value men tend to avoid women on the Cock Carousel,
Who is defining "high value men", you? Why do you get to decide? And why
does that definition exclude wanting the carousel? Why can't a high value man
not want a woman on the carousel?
he's barking up the wrong tree
Unless his definition of high value woman is a one night stand that puts out.
Value is individualized. It's basically 'someone providing you what you want'.
You cant say women on the carousel are low value because the majority of
men don't want that...if you think that's true, you need to go reread WISNIFG.
Women on the carousel are low value TO MEN WHO DON'T WANT WOMEN ON
THE CAROUSEL. To men who do, they are high value.
You're not anyone's judge...and just because the majority think one way,
doesn't mean it's "right".
This next sentence shows everything wrong with your mindset:
but it's not a mystery that mutually satisfying long term intimate
relationships tend to produce the most happiness, over the long run, for
the most people, and that's the opposite of the CC.
It produces it for those people who either chose, or were conned into
choosing, the goal of a mutually satisfying long term relationship. I choose it.
My wife chose it. Some guys here play the field while in a relationship. Some
guys said peace to marriage altogether. Women also run this full gamut. They
all are allowed to be happy if they find someone, or multiple ones, that
provides that value.
 SKRedPill 1 point · 8 months ago
 Now consider for a moment, would it REALLY be a stretch, for even the POSSIBILITY
that MAYBE women too were also groomed with lies in such a way as to have a near
completely flawed understanding of how relationships truly worked, and that their
actions were merely efforts to live their lives in a way that tried to understand the
truth between what they've been told, and what they're seeing in real life?
Is it that much of a stretch, that women, too, are living in a type of matrix?
The cognitive dissonance of the modern woman has never been this extreme as it is -
fantasy, logic and reality couldn't be more out of tune with each other.
 The cognitive dissonance of the modern woman person has never been this
extreme as it is - fantasy, logic and reality couldn't be more out of tune with each
other.
Both sexes are flawed my man. The worst part about the information age is that bad
ideas spread. But the best part about it is that good ideas spread.
Entropy always increases though...does that mean one day only one idea about how
men and women should live will prevail? Or is it the case that the rate ideas spread,
even with the internet, is not fast enough to convert society in a generation...and
new ideas are refreshed with each new generation? I mean it takes men YEARS here
to get it.
Are we as humans stuck in an endless loop of finding ourselves over and over again?
Will there be red pills in the future of a different name? Until we can literally hook our
minds to a computer and be able to come to a consensus globally within our
lifetime..i think the answer is yes.
 silversum1 Grinding / Dreadful 1 point · 8 months ago
 Thanks for taking the time to post this. I’ve read it a few times over the past few days
and ruminated over some of the things you’ve posted. I’d say I’m at an intermediate
stage after a year of reading and applying what I’ve learned. I’ve always been the type
that understands the steps better if I can see the process as a whole, and you laid it out
eloquently. I can relate to your early blue pill mishaps as well as I have been what has
been labeled as a career beta more or less.
I think the most important part, that anyone can really use is your ability to just to grind
away. I’ve never said that I am the smartest, or the most talented, but I’ve always had
pride in my ability to work and work.

 If you're like me and you find it easy to work and work, make sure you also take
some time to work on being satisfied as well. Owen had a video where he talked
about thinking to himself "I'm on a wave, bodyboarding in Hawaii on vacation, that I
paid for with all the money I make. I'm going to bang my girl in about a half hour
and we're going to go out to a fancy restaurant for dinner...but I still feel like the
same guy." Which I relate to, feeling like that guy that isnt satisfied. Like you took
your ship where you wanted to go, and when you got there, you think you need to
take it somewhere else.
You get addicted to the grind, and lose sight of the goal. When you get to a point
where you got what you wanted, but find that your tendency to grind makes it hard
to be happy, remember that being the best you is taking control of all the aspects of
your personality. And the ability to just sit back and bask in the beauty that is your
life is one of those aspects.
This flies directly in the face of the pull to grind. And some might say it's a balancing
act. But it's not. It's not a conflict between the two. There is a way...a synergy...to
make them both work in unison inside of you. To have the ability to grind when you
need to, but also the ability to enjoy the fruits of life when you want to. I can't really
explain it more than that. You need to find that mental model yourself. But it is out
there.
 BarracudaRP MRP APPROVED / Dreadful '19 1 point · 7 months ago
 Blarg, some of your earliest posts were pivotal to me in my journey. It's great to see
you're not just checking in, but that you've continued your pace and progress (or are
you growing even faster now?) and you're swapping notes with men who want to do
the same.
This post is fucking phenomenal. I've spent the last week digesting it, because it
resonated with me that strongly on several levels.
Each of your lessons was something I've struggled with on some level recently. It helps
to know that I'm not the only one dealing with body dysmoprhia, self doubt or
overcoming my approach anxiety. Hell, RSD Owen taught me to meditate long before I
stepped foot in a yoga studio, and your post was enlightening to me once I realized I
could relate to that grind: how nearly everything I do has success if I'm just willing to
work for it, and how average men are capable of extraordinary things and that it's
possible to have everything we really want (aka it's all my fault).
Your post also eliminated my last few excuses for inaction. There were several mental
blocks that I was starting to unravel, but as usual, there was already someone further
along the path who is willing to illuminate the way forward.
It seems almost shallow when I write it out, but what I'm actually describing is the
process of internalizing powerful lessons, through men exchanging notes. Lessons that
leave me full of gratitude for my spouse, optimistic about my own value, and able to
accept all the doubts and bullshit that comes with scrambling your way to the top.
Thanks, and I hope you'll contribute more.


 Hey man, I'm glad my notes could help you out. I just went back to your 2 year post.
I'm glad shit seems to be going well. There seems to be a lot of positive progress in
all aspects of your life... which should open your eyes to the fact that while this place
originated because of Rule 0, it applies to so much more.
A few posters commented to your post on the scoreboard aspect, and I cannot get a
read on you of if those wins that you are happy about are score, or aren't. They are
you keeping score when you view your success as gratification, repayment, the
evening of odds, etc. (She's improving. Good, she better be). But they are not score
once you view improvement in others as a contribution to the entire team (She's
improving. Good, this will allow us to move forward more easily).
They are score when the value of the score is imposed onto you from an outside
source (unsolicited BJs are a stepping stone MRP lists as improvement). They are not
score when you determine the value and meaning behind them (the effort and rate
of unsolicited BJs is meeting my needs).
Hysterical bonding wrote about dropping the scoreboard, and his wife followed. And
this is exactly how it worked for me as well. I have a theory on it, but wanted to
shorten my reply a bit (and god it's still long).
And another poster replied that even when you drop your scoreboard, it's in your
wife's nature to always keep score. I hope you gleaned enough from my post that
this is true, in the sense that your wife will continue to keep score at first, but false if
the notion is that she is cursed by her nature to ALWAYS keep score. No, that is
incorrect. Her keeping score is just her using the tools she has learned so far. As you
lead her further, if you show her not only that your life works well when you dont
keep score, but that you dont tolerate keeping score, she will follow.
You asked if I'm still growing, and I'd have to say yeah, I'm growing into that "more"
that seemed to appear once I realized what MRP is. What I hope you find, and what I
did find as I approached a complete understanding of what is taught here is that
there is a frame here at MRP. MRP itself has a frame. It's the general attitude and
locker room feel you get from this place, and the "rules and thoughts" that are
prevalent here. And you need to adopt that frame in order to understand it. But that
frame is merely a vehicle for a message. It's a structure of ideas. And our notes help
us understand these ideas within its frame.
And obviously, if such a structure of ideas exists in this world about a topic as specific
as sex and intersexual dynamics, then surely both other vehicles exist for the same
message, and other messages exist in other topics.
It's kind of like the theory behind life in the universe. We are sure life exists, and it
would be idiotic to believe that we are the one instance of it. Therefore life must exist
elsewhere too.
And I'm keeping my eyes open for these other messages and vehicles used to convey
them. I get fleeting understandings of them once in awhile in instances I allow my
understanding to branch out...like when doing yoga and hearing about flowing
energy, body sensations, gods and emotions.
But what really interests me is a deeper search for why we all behave the way we do.
Beyond sexual attraction. Beyond social structure. Beyond evolutionary behavior. It's
a search for a personal understanding of the base drives that make up those
structures (fear, anxiety, doubt, reward, happiness, bliss) and how those drives cause
us to live the life we live.
And I think the main frame you have to accept in order to understand that very basic
nature is that you are currently only in enough control of yourself that you can react
to stimuli in a way that advances your current life so your can live with it according to
your current model of what your needs are. But this also means that there may be
several blind spots you dont see that enable you to not just react, but provoke,
within yourself. And if you access that control panel, you can work wonders with your
own self.
I'll leave it at that because I don't want to distract you too much from your current
journey. But the body of ideas and methods to convey them in this world is deep.
And the underlying forces in your body that create those emotions are equally deep.
All I can recommend moving forward is to keep your eyes and ears open, and be
mindful.
 BarracudaRP MRP APPROVED / Dreadful '19 1 point · 7 months ago

 You've hit the nail on the head regarding the scoreboard, it took a while to click
but now I see what you mean. Early after finding MRP, my 'wins' (which were
often just the normal reactions a woman gives a man who lifts and STFUs) those
wins were validation that I thought I deserved, or I counted them as repayment
against my wife. I also was notorious for remembering nasty shit she had done in
the past, which was bad for both of us. Lately, I celebrate any wins (hers or mine)
as progress for the whole team to grow from because it benefits the entire family.
It's like helping to spot one of the noobs at the gym - I may have pulled the bar
up on his last rep but I'm still gonna high five him because fuck yes, he came to
the gym and lifted and that's the right direction.
I've still got some growing to do however, because I'm still not 100% in assigning
the value of those 'wins' myself. Your example was perfect: right now, I'm still
somewhere between "MRP says blowjobs are a step in the right direction" and "I
say this is the right frequency of BJs to keep my needs met".
As for this "more" that you describe - I think I'm chasing the same thing. Once I
realized that MRP wasn't really just about sexual dynamics, the world cracked
open a little, maybe for the first time. I'm diving into that hard, never thought I'd
be chasing mindfulness at raves and yoga, but here I am, and it's fucking
fantastic. Not because I feel good all the time, but because I'm doing things that
are meaningful, disciplined, growing. I am often struck by how interconnected
everything is - MRP principles apply to my boss as much as my wife and
daughters. And like you described, there are these other channels where truth
can be picked up. It's almost like the EXPERIENCE of picking up MRP and
internalizing it has prepared me to recognize other truths (and bullshit) in life,
and work this same kind of overhaul wherever it is needed.
All I can recommend moving forward is to keep your eyes and ears open, and
be mindful.
Hell yes, that's the plan. Appreciate your insight as always.

 RedPillBluegrass Plz touch my PP 1 point · 7 months ago
 I am not being facetious when I say your post ranks up there with "Star Wars Trailer Cry
Guy" for me.
Star Wars cry guy... made me realize how much I have lost since chasing pussy and
caring what other people think.
You post makes me realize I have never led as I needed to and that I have still been
blaming, and not inspiring.
Thank you.
 muzzy_w -1 points · 8 months ago
 tl;dr?
 tl;dr - lazy people get banned.

 Rogue68486 1 point · 8 months ago

 Thanks for sharing this
It sounds like you have many of the doubts most people have and being high
value is continuing to be high value even when you may not feel that way.
 RecoveringBPAddict 2 points · 8 months ago

 OMG, you are a dumb ass! There is no TL;DR for MRP!

What A Successful Mind and Marriage Looks Like - Marriedredpill

Uploaded by

Document Information

Original Title

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

What A Successful Mind and Marriage Looks Like - Marriedredpill

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

r/marriedredpill Search Get Coins

 Posted by u/Blarg_Risen MRP APPROVED 8 months ago 

Created Jun 30, 2014

The Rational Male, Year One, Rollo Tomassi

The Book of Pook- Online

Group MRP Challenge: 60 Days of Dread

u/UEMcGill Married- MRP MODERATOR

u/BluepillProfessor Married-MRP MODERATOR

u/SorcererKing MRP SAGE - MRP MODERATOR

u/bogeyd6 MRP MODERATOR

Peace: Contentedness, happiness, acceptance, yin and yang, enlightenment, the

 60 Comments  Give Award  Share  97% Upvoted

This thread is archived

 weakandsensitive 11 points · 8 months ago

 I'd suggesting putting in some headers

 Blarg_Risen MRP APPROVED  4 points · 8 months ago

 I'll work on it.

 A gargantuan post from a gargantuan blarg.

Good to have you back dude.

 weakandsensitive 9 points · 8 months ago

 Batman_Or_BruceWayne 11 points · 8 months ago

 Blarg_Risen MRP APPROVED  9 points · 8 months ago · edited 8 months ago

Give Award Share Report Save

 bcvickers 2 points · 8 months ago

Man this is so key, thank you.

 rocknrollchuck MRP APPROVED 9 points · 8 months ago

Social media bias - that's a great way of putting it!

Wow. I needed to hear this today.

Great post bro!

Give Award Share Report Save

 weakandsensitive 4 points · 8 months ago

 Maybe that's Nice Guy thinking

 rocknrollchuck MRP APPROVED 3 points · 8 months ago

 Wow, you're right.

Ways in which I seek approval - Looking unselﬁsh.

 financeandfirepower Wife gets him schoolgirl outfits 1 point · 8 months ago

Give Award Share Report Save

 HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR 8 points · 8 months ago

 Batman_Or_BruceWayne 3 points · 8 months ago

 HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR 2 points · 8 months ago

Took me a few reads to internalize for myself.

 Blarg_Risen MRP APPROVED  1 point · 8 months ago

 Over60_FireTempered3 MRP APPROVED 7 points · 8 months ago

 Blarg_Risen MRP APPROVED  4 points · 8 months ago

 Over60_FireTempered3 MRP APPROVED 3 points · 8 months ago

 Blarg_Risen MRP APPROVED  3 points · 8 months ago

Give Award Share Report Save

 Over60_FireTempered3 MRP APPROVED 2 points · 8 months ago

 RStonePT Ofﬁcial Counterfeit Goods 3 points · 8 months ago

 this who I think this is?

 Over60_FireTempered3 MRP APPROVED 2 points · 8 months ago

 RStonePT Ofﬁcial Counterfeit Goods 1 point · 8 months ago

Much catching up to do. Been a busy year

 Over60_FireTempered3 MRP APPROVED 1 point · 8 months ago

 Yes - things change...

 readwolfe 5 points · 8 months ago

 simbarlion MRP APPROVED 4 points · 8 months ago

 High quality post from a larger than life character, thanks

Kudos for the visit

 Blarg_Risen MRP APPROVED  2 points · 8 months ago

 Hakuna Matata my friend.

 Reach180 MRP APPROVED 4 points · 8 months ago

 McLuhanSaidItFirst 1 point · 8 months ago