A letter I wrote to an American convert that I saw on youtube.

Here is the video

that compelled me to write to her:
http://www.youtube.com/user/StabbingEcstasy#p/a/u/2/QurEYGBDv-U

Salam to you from a former converted Muslim. The fact that you even ever conside
red leaving Islam shows that you have a mind which, despite all of the indoctrin
ation that you yourself or others have put you through, is still not totally dor
mant and sheep-like when it comes to the big questions. For that, I am thankful
and hopeful for you.
If you would indulge my thoughts for having indulged yours, I would be most appr
eciative.
I felt compelled to write to you, which is not something I normally do, because
you remind me so much of myself. I also came from a Christian background and bec
ame an active Muslim college student, and eventually wore the niqab for many yea
rs. And if youtube was around back then, I might well have been doing just the t
ype of things that you are.
Firstly, I would start by saying that I can well identify with your need to find
answers and that your search led you to Islam. But I would like to take your vi
deo point by point. You first mentioned the case of a former Muslim who claims t
o be much happier now and you reasoned that she was happier because her nafs wan
ts her to take the easy road, essentially. I myself would certainly have made th
e same argument a few years ago. I am sure you are familiar with the concept of
cognitive dissonance. When confronted with information that is not easily placed
within our conception of reality and truth, our mind naturally searches for exp
lanations to the unexpected phenomena that allow us to bend the new information
to conform to our pre-existing ideas or beliefs.
I would encourage you to consider that this woman is happier now for other than
the reasons your current mental view of the world allows for. To wit, from my ow
n personal experience, I would imagine that she is happier because she no longer
has to try to convince herself that certain ideas are true and from God when sh
e knows in her heart that they are ridiculous and not the best course. Or put an
other way, that she no longer has to pretend that certain practices or beliefs a
re her “fitra” when she knows inside they aren’t natural at all.
Secondly, you mentioned the conundrum of what to do if one loses faith. “Where are
you spiritually?,” you rhetorically ask. “At least in Islam we have answers and gui
dance.” And indeed, you do. Answers and guidance, however, may come from sources o
ther than those which we imagine.
I once watched an interview with Salam Rushdie when I was a new Muslim (and of c
ourse, the very sight of him at the time was appalling for me to behold!) and he
was asked, “Do you ever envy the fundamentalist for his certainty?” to which he rep
lied, “No, because he is wrong.” At the time, in my fully smug Muslim self-assuredne
ss, I thought, “Little does he know. He’ll be in Hell. My life is so much better tha
n his because I live in the certainty of the Truth.” Yet now, almost 20 years late
r, I realize that he was exactly right. It is not enough to have answers and gui
dance if they are WRONG.
And yet, you, like I at one time, seem to be afraid to accept that there is noth
ing else out there, as far as religions go. It sounds as if, despite your misgiv
ings, Islam wins by the default of there being no other belief system remotely p
lausible of which you are aware. I would just share my current spiritual underst
anding on this point. Perhaps it is that our lives are about an unfolding of awa
reness and that each individual learns through the specific context of his/her l
ife, and that the goal is evolution of the soul and not the embracing of dogma a
nd finding some specific set of answers via a religion as we know it. In that ca
se, we are all growing within the context of our respective belief systems, but
what they are is not as important as what we are learning about life, the univer
se, and our place in it on a very subtle level. It took me a number of years to
get to this view of the purpose of our existence, however. When I was your age,
I wanted concrete answers, and I wanted them NOW! The truth is, the world is not
so neat and tidy, and the things we are 100% unquestioningly sure about at one
point in life may well eventually hit smack dab into inconvenient realities in a
nother.
You next discuss the idea that you would “dump Islam immediately” if someone could p
rove it to be untrue. Excellent! A true seeker is always willing to be brave eno
ugh to face a radical rethink and change views as new information reaches his/he
r awareness. One of the great things about the internet is the ease at which we
can access information. The tragedy in my case was that when pro-Islamic dawah m
aterials extolling the alleged compatibility of Islam and science or other polem
ical ideas were presented to me, I did not have easy access to material arguing
against those writings and detailing their errors. So, if you are true to your w
ord, I encourage you to look into the so-called miraculous scientific knowledge
in the Quran and also those verses which Muslim apologists leave out when discus
sing science and the Quran which are scientifically refuted, such as the idea th
at the sun sets in a muddy place. Here are a few examples: http://www.faithfreed
om.org/Articles/SKM/contradictions.htm
And yet, what does a rejection of Islam leave you with? No answers, in your esti
mation. Well, did Our Creator promise us answers at some point? If there is a pl
an to this life, who are we to say that we are supposed to know what it is exact
ly? I have decided that it is ok to not know all of the answers, and that is inf
initely better than holding onto WRONG answers. It is a path of discovery, and t
hat is exciting and enough for me.
You said, “If I left Islam, there’d be nothing…I didn’t leave Islam because I didn’t want
to be lost in the darkness.” You go on to say that you feel like you understand t
he world and everything and “the secret to life”. Yes, I know. Been there, and done
that and it’s a great feeling to perceive that you have mastered the code to the g
reat questions of life. I suspect that as an intelligent woman, however, and one
that has a thirst for knowledge and a questioning soul, that that same cognitiv
e dissonance that eventually built up inside of me due to life experience and th
e acquisition of Islamic knowledge will also lead you to see things in less-than
-sure hues down the road.
I encourage you to realize that life without Islam doesn’t have to be lived in dar
kness or that you won’t be able to figure out how to live without it. And in the e
nd, providing palatable answers is not the true mark of a religion’s legitimacy, i
s it? The real question is, “Is Islam the Truth?” Because if it isn’t the Truth, it do
esn’t matter how detailed and organized and pleasing we may find it as a form of g
uidance, since it really isn’t necessarily any better or more worthy of adherence
than what you or I would come up with if we thought about it.
Next you present the idea that there are so many proofs for Islam and anyone rea
lly searching for the Truth will find it. Well now here is another point I would
like to share with you based on my own experience. Like you, I also had a clear
ly recognizable emotional need to have answers. In this mental state, I now real
ize one subconsciously tries desperately to find something with which to build a
case for belief. Looking back now at these so-called “proofs”, I don’t know whether t
o laugh or cry at myself for my naivete. So, the larger point is that we very of
ten see what we want to, based on our own needs or goals.
Several times you mentioned how perfect Islam and the Quran are. This is a very
large subject indeed, and again, one which a few internet keyword searches can g
et you started on in analyzing this subject, but you must be prepared to read BO
TH sides of the argument. A few questions just to get you started, however.
In looking at the Quran, what are its main themes?
Is it truly relevant for all times and places without need for addition?
What kind of personality develops from strict adherence to Islam?
Would Islam, if followed correctly and as intended, produce a better, more peace
ful and prosperous world?

On long and painful thought, the answers I got to these questions and others com
pelled me to realize that Islam wasn’t the perfect way of life that I had wanted i
t to be, in faact, far from it.
I realize I have been long-winded and will close for now. Thank you for (hopeful
ly) taking the time to read my letter. I hope you find some benefit from my life
experience and thoughts and I wish you all the best of your spiritual journey.
Feel free to contact me if you wish, and I hope you will at least let me know th
at you received it, as I have spent quite a bit of time on it. Thanks.

Postscript: The woman never did answer me back or acknowledge my letter.