Week 2 handout and syllabus 206 and 305

I. Content and purpose of the class

Instructor: Steven Sills

Email address: Stevensills@hotmail.com

B.Office Hours: Monday and Friday 1:30-3:30. My room is on the fourth floor of the Humanities
building.

C.Course Material: Course material will be obtained through handouts and required
textbooks. I will only make 15 copies of a handout on a given day. Come early so
that you will have the material.

D. How to have a higher chance of passing this class:

1.Memorize the formula[s] (in En 206 always use the paragraph writing formula and
in En 305 use the essay writing formula but adapt it to different writing styles when
needed and do not use it for summary writing ); 2. Read and understand the basic
meaning of sample teacher and student essays and see the pattern of the formula
within them 3. Practice writing my compositions over and over again (Students need
to imitate the writings of the teacher, in particular, by copying his material long
before they begin writing on their own (copying material from the instructor’s
handouts is advantageous to embed new vocabulary, grammar, and understanding
the structure and layout of a composition); 4. Create outlines for the sample
writings seen in the handouts; 5. Write the same compositions from the outlines but
do it in your own words; 6. Attempt to write your own essay with a similar but not
identical scenario; 7. Be conscious of the styles of writing (in paragraph writing be
able to distinguish narrative from descriptive writing, and remember not to write
multiple paragraphs as paragraph writing is concerned with one lucid paragraph;
and in Argumentative writing En 305 be able to recall major styles of writing these
essays: comparison and contrast, cause and effect, process essay, definition essay,
et cetera)
 Remember: We do not expect you to be able to write great compositions. If you
practice this material it will make your abilities much better than other students. If
your compositions are better than other students who do not come to the class your
chances of passing will be much greater than theirs. Submit homework
assignments to stevensills@hotmail.com

E. What you will learn from the class:

1.English 206 topics for discussion: 1. What the six sentence formula is; 2. Why the
six sentence formula brings cohesion to writings; 3. What a topic sentence is; 4.
How the body of the work must prove the topic sentence; 5. The importance of a
concluding statement; how to distinguish narrative and descriptive paragraphs; 6.
How to write for the reader, giving ideas as objectively and professionally to
enhance the reader’s understanding

2.English 305 topics for discussion: 1.The importance of expository writing 2. The
formula for writing long essays; 3. The main styles of essay writing; 3. When to
make changes in the formula and the types of changes those should be; 4.How
summary writing differs from the essays and what is expected for the examinations

F. Formulas

Paragraph writing formula

1. The formula for paragraph writing is Sentence 1: topic sentence given

immediately (a fact and an opinion about the topic). Sentence 2: main piece
of evidence proving the importance of the topic sentence. Sentence 3:
supporting evidence that gives clarity or a subordinate point to help the
understanding of Sentence 2. Sentence 4: second main piece of evidence.
Sentence 5: supporting evidence that gives clarity or a subordinate point to
help the understanding of sentence 4. Sentence 6: concluding statement
(this acts like a summary)

Example: 1.Medical treatment in America can be the best but most costly health
care service in the world where patients are often given physical checkups where
many procedures are not needed. 2. Electronic scanning devices are often done on
patients to determine brain wave or bodily abnormalities. 3. The problem is that
they emit radiation which is harmful for patients, and thus they should only be used
to isolate an imminent threat to the patient’s health instead of being part of a
routine medical checkup. 4. The same is also true of American dentists who x-ray
every tooth of a patient when cavities can be readily determined without this
procedure. 5. Patients get radiation that is not needed and suffer from dental bills
that are too expensive due in part to the many x-rays that are done. 6. Although
Americans have been innovative at creating some of the greatest medical
instruments in the world which, when used appropriately, advance health care, they
have also created a system that attempts to bill patients and insurance companies
inordinately for treatment that is not needed.

*206 Homework Assignment: Write a paragraph narrating the state of

health care in your country. Use the formula.

En 305 Formula: Remember to go from general to specific

Introduction=1background information (history of the problem)+ 2thesis statement

(that one sentence that tells why you have written this essay and what you want to
prove) 3Two paragraph body=proving the thesis statement with hard evidence
4Conclusion=summarizing the main ideas but also offering a few minor pieces of
new information to keep the reader stimulated.

Pollution problems in Bangkok

Introduction: 1 Many cities around the world suffer from air pollution, and
although it might seem that Bangkok is one of the worst metropolitan areas with
this problem, this is not really true. Plenty of other cities in Asia, North America,
and South America suffer from even worse environmental degradation. However,
Bangkok, as with so many cities globally, does have significant air pollution
problems that seem to get worse each year. Ever since the 1980s when the Thai
economy began to flourish, Thais have been buying automobiles that have been
allowed to spew carbon exhausts into the air. Likewise, as merchants have had
increasing annual profits, they have built even more factories. These factories spew
forth carbon emissions into the atmosphere at alarming rates with no filtering
mechanisms to reduce those emissions. 2. This being the case, the government
needs to have an environmental commission that has the power to dictate the
closure of any factory that pollutes the air extensively and restrict the amount of
automobiles that are allowed onto the streets.

3.Two part Body (The commission should stop factories)

Just as Bangkok has been under an emergency decree ever since the chaos of the
PAD demonstration, allowing the government to gain arrest warrants easily without
having to provide substantive evidence, so the safety of the environment should
get the same response. Once the commission determines from air tests that there
might be increased health problems in a specific area of the city, it should be given
the power to mandate the closure of any factory that might be responsible for
deteriorating air quality without an elongated process where factories can take the
issue to court and appeal the judgment of lower court rulings. Furthermore, the
commission should be given the power to revoke business licenses and order police
officers to close factories deemed a health nuisance to a specific neighborhood.

Two part body (The commission should stop motorists)

It should also be allowed to revoke driver’s licenses and confiscate cars when there
are complaints that a given vehicle has been producing dark and malodorous
carbon emissions. The confiscation of automobiles and the power to sell them
abroad will generate revenue for the commission and deter motorists from making
purchases of vehicles that pollute the environment inordinately. The government
should be allowed to do this without being constrained by the need to show
absolute proof of a violation to the law, or by legal challenges. It should also
regulate that all automobiles be on the streets no longer than half of the week.

4. Conclusion

In a democracy every decision of the government can be challenged as a violation

of human freedoms and privacy. This is important in allowing the individual to
flourish in society and reach his complete potential. However, when issues of
health are at stake the government should be allowed to act firmly and decisively
without having to undergo legal challenges. An environmental commission more
powerful than even the drug czar in America must be allowed to restrict traffic,
confiscate property, and shut down businesses at will as long as it is done with the
welfare of others as its strong consideration.

*305 Practice assignment: Practice by copying this essay. Then do not

look back at what I have done. Create an outline from what you
remember; think about the formula; and then write it.

*305Homework assignment: Submit an essay on noise pollution in

Bangkok. Make sure that there are two subordinate points addressed in
the body of the work.

H. Suggestions and admonishments

All students in EN 206 and 305 must be reminded TO FOLLOW DIRECTIONS. If

the directions in 206 say write a descriptive essay then don’t write a narrative
essay. If in 305 it says to write a summary don’t copy the article from the test
paper. If in 305 the directions say to write about how elderly people are treated in
Thailand do not write about how your family treats your grandparents

In writing about the image below in the EN 206 examination students should have
done the following:

1. As this was a narrative you should have written a narrative. Narration

involves telling a story (for the last test a lot of students must have gone to a
tutorial to learn a lot of “descriptive” words and phrases that they thought
they could use for everything. Phrases like “oval face”,” “thick lips,” “thin
lips,” “pointed nose,” and “protruding eyes” became frequently used in many
tests, and they were often used inappropriately). You should not have used
direct speech. You could have used indirect speech. i.e. “Grant wood asked
his sister to pose for the painting, which later became known as An American
Gothic.” Not “Grant wood asked his sister, ‘Will you pose for my painting.’”

2. Your chances of having written a successful paragraph were much higher if

you did not write a personal response but instead wrote a professional and
critical appraisal. “The old man and woman are my grandparents” is not
attempting to be informative to the reader who knows that these people are
not your grandparents

3. As I taught art history at St. Theresa College for a semester and have always
been interested in classical art I may, from time to time, put art work into the
test paper. When you see art you must critically appraise it. What are the
images? What do they symbolize? What importance do they have on a
social level? What do they suggest about humanity? Example: ”This
painting in the National Art Museum in Washington D.C. is about…[idea]”
“The figures represent…[idea]”

4. Definitely this older man and woman are not your grandparents so if you told
me about your grandparents this was a major mistake. There are successful
first person narratives using “I” and “my” but this is not professional writing
that seeks to give information to the reader. Did some students pass using
 personal essays? Yes, some did, but not very many. Why did they pass?
They had a clear topic sentence at the beginning, they successfully proved it,
they had a consistent narrative that made sense, and their grammar, syntax,
and diction showed some competence.

5. You should have made reference to the painting directly in your narrative
(some students thought it was a photograph, and that is okay as well) i.e.
“This painting is about…” or “The images suggest that the painter wanted
to…” is good. Some students wrote about how this man and woman did not
like each other but they did not make reference to the image. This was
wrong. You should have explained why the couple are standing in front of
the house, why the man has a pitchfork in his hands, and why their facial
expressions were so stern and austere.

*Student essay from the test paper

Below is a tepid essay that is not good and not very bad and only got a p- I
have improved the grammar and word choice to make it easier to read

Note: There are both good and bad aspects to this paragraph

The day they were sad

A sad incident sometimes provides one with an understanding of life. Last week,
Tom and his wife, Sarah, were frightened when the policeman called them at night
and told them that their son had died in a car accident. After that, they cried and
could not sleep all night. In the morning, after they picked their son up from the
site they had to go to the church for a memorial service held in their son’s honor.
They wore black clothes. After the ceremony, while Tom was driving home, he
ruminated that everyone would die one day. So in the car he decided to tell Sarah
that their son was now meeting God. Then Sarah looked at him and a smile
appeared on her face.

Obvious point: Not only does the student not mention the painting but she does not
even mention the image of the man standing with a pitchfork next to his wife and
that both of them are near the house. Why does he have that pitchfork? Why isn’t
his wife looking at him? She does not talk about the image at all!

Good points about the student’s writing *There is a topic sentence at the beginning
(a fact and an opinion about the topic which the writer wants to prove), and it is
clearly underlined *The body of the writing proves the topic sentence with hard
evidence *The reader either thinks something or feels something from the work (in
this case I feel very sad about the parents losing the boy; and I think that it is sad
that the only way that the mother is able to feel happy again is to believe in this
religious story that the son has gone to heaven). In good writing the reader
gets some bit of knowledge or understanding of life. In good writing, the
writer is writing for the enlightenment and edification of the reader!!!

Bad points about the student’s writing *This narrative does not directly deal with
the painting, An American Gothic by the Artist Grant Wood *The image is of the
man and woman in front of their house, feeling distraught over their economic
predicament as farmers, and the student does not talk about this image even a little
bit.

What I know about this painting:

I know it is called An American Gothic and that it was painted by Grant Wood. I
know that it is one of the most famous images in America. I know that it was
painted around 1930 during America’s Great Depression when a lot of Americans
were poor and the unemployment rate was incredibly high. I also know that the
“husband and wife” were actually Grant Wood’s sister and his dentist and neither of
them were married to each other. Do I expect you to know these things? No, of
course not. Do I expect you to make guesses about the work in a critical appraisal?
Yes I do. Do I know the intention of the painter? No, I don’t. Maybe he did not like
farmers or conservative rural values. Maybe he was a social realist who cared
about poor farmers. I don’t know why Grant Wood drew this painting. I don’t think
anyone knows why he drew this painting.
Remember the six sentence formula for paragraph writing:

Sentence 1: Give the topic sentence immediately (that fact and opinion that you
need to prove within sentences 2-5)

Sentence 2: Main piece of evidence

Sentence 3: Supporting evidence for sentence two bringing clarity to sentence two
or a subordinate point

Sentence 4: Second piece of evidence

Sentence 5: Supporting evidence for sentence 4

Sentence 6: Concluding statement (acting like a summary)

Note: At maximum, write only ten sentences but it is easier to do the six sentence
formula in paragraph writing. Do not write two or more paragraphs. If you do you
will fail even if your writing is good.

Teacher’s version of the short essay (paragraph writing) topic in the examination:

1. Clearly Grant Wood , the painter of An American Gothic, was a sympathetic

observer of the human predicament where happiness in family life is
dependent on economic factors.

2. Living in the 1930s during the Great Depression when the US economy had
collapsed, Wood spent a month driving from town to town in the state of
Iowa searching for the perfect farmers whom he could use as models for his
painting, but his travels were to no avail.

3. Finally it occurred to him that his sister and dentist would make perfect
models for this painting, so he had them stand before a farm house, partly
angry and partly indifferent to life and to each other.

4. The viewer of the painting may assume that the couple in the image
experienced a horrible farming season due to a long drought, that the
pitchfork suggests that no trespassers will be allowed onto their property to
steal from them, who are poor already, and that this husband and wife are
having difficulty communicating to each other because of the hardships that
they have experienced in their lives.

5. The distraught facial expressions of the wife are as enigmatic as Mona Lisa’s
smile but they indicate that the happiness of the couple in relation to each
 other is to a large degree dependent on economic well-being; and as the
couple are experiencing economic difficulties their family unit is in peril.

6. Although the two people are not real farmers, or even married to each other,
Grant Wood used them as perfect models to convey the sense of despair that
Americans experienced in the 1930s when lack of rain and a collapsing stock
market sent America spiraling into economic ruin and caused many families
to break up.

I. Teacher’s short essay that is not related to the examination paper:

*Note: Remember to use present tense when you talk about a story. All
publications are in present tense. Everything in a fictional story is summarized in
present tense; but also all references to a news article are in present tense. The
earthquake in Haiti happened in the past but you write it as the following: “The
New York Times SAYS that the earthquake in Haiti WAS less powerful than the one
that HAPPENED in Chile but as it occurred closer to the Earth’s surface it WAS
more powerful” or “According to the New York Times the earthquake in Haiti was
less powerful than the one that happened in Chile but as it occurred closer to the
Earth’s surface it was more powerful.””

Aristophanes’ idea about erotic love

1.The real Aristophanes was a famous playwright in Ancient Greece who wrote a
famous satire on Plato’s mentor, Socrates; and perhaps as retaliation for this satire
Plato has his fictional character, Aristophanes, believe in a ridiculous version of love.

2. In Symposium the character of Aristophanes says that in primordial times there

were three races of human beings, all of whom were fat, round creatures with four
hands, four feet, and two faces (some of these early human beings having two parts
that were male, others two parts that were female, and still others that were
androgynous, having both parts that were male and female).

3.These early human beings were very powerful and because they believed that
they were greater than the gods, the gods wanted to humble them.
4.According to this fictional character of Aristophanes in Plato’s work, Zeus chose
not to kill these early human beings because if he were to do so he would no longer
have them worshiping and paying respect to the Gods; thus Zeus decided that he
would cut them into two pieces.

5. All human beings were severed into two pieces, and sewed back together
through the navel, so that each of them only had one face, two legs, and two arms;
but they still had a yearning to be united with the part of themselves that they lost,
and came together through sexual relations.

6. Thus, Aristophanes is claiming that the reason why most men love women, most
women love men, some women love women, and some men love men is because
the God Zeus long ago cut people into two pieces, and each person yearns to have
and be reunited with what he lost.

J.Attempting your own writing about Wat Preah Vihear

Wat Preah Vihear: a Peaceful Temple in the Middle of a Battle of Two

countries

1. [topic sentence]As individuals are sometimes venal, so are nations, and

certainly the dispute between Cambodia and Thailand on the ownership of
 Wat Preah Vihear, a World Heritage site, has that component in it; but the
dispute is more than just about money.

2. [main piece of evidence]

3.[supporting evidence]

4.[second piece of evidence]

5.[supporting evidence]

6.[concluding statement]
 • Other possible Homework assignment for En 305

I want you to attempt writing your own essay. Your assignment is to tell me about
the negative and positive aspects of love which can be both generous and selfish.
This is a comparison and contrast essay. In your thesis statement say that love is
more good than bad or more bad than good. In the first paragraph of the body talk
about the good aspects of love. In the second paragraph talk about the bad aspects
of love but as you do so make sure that you are proving your thesis statement and
showing how the good love is more prevalent than the bad love or how bad love is
more prevalent to good love. Use the formula as you do this

Other possible assignment for En 206

I want you to use the six sentence formula and write one paragraph where you
state that Bangkok is a beautiful city in the world or one of the ugliest cities on the
planet.

305 Homework contributions

A.

How to know if someone is trustworthy

People cannot live alone in this world so they want someone to share things with, to play[enjoy
companionship] with, to talk with[,] and to live with. However, there are many types of [of the myriad]people in this
world. Some [,some]are good and some are bad. That means they [one]cannot share everything with everyone or
[and]cannot tell everything to everyone[all those around him]. In another word [other words],everyone[one] cannot
be recognized [recognize everyone]as a trustworthy person [as trustworthy people]. Therefore, there are two things
[that]can help [one] to know if someone is trustworthy[. By the semantics of the word “trustworthy” it is meant a
person who] is that person can keep all promises and don't tell a lie[s],and is willing to do things without[getting]
something in return. ***NOTE: AREN’T SOME LIES GOOD? AREN’T SOME PROMISES BAD?
The first thing to know[to consider in determining] if someone is trustworthy is [whether] that person can
keep all his promises and don't tell a lie [refrain from telling lies]. For example, when he promises to pay a debt,
so [does]he has to pay[it] on time that he promise [the agreed time] or when he promise[s] to keep his friend's secret,
[does]he must not tell this to ahother [in fact refrain from telling another] person. The promise is an important thing
that everyone has to keep [Fulfilled promises are a prime indicator of the trustworthiness of an individual].So if
someone lack[s] this characteristic, this person is not trustworsthy.Moreover, [Conversely, one who cannot be
trusted] untrustworthy person usually tell a lie [usually tells lies].The time can help to know who tell a lie or can
trust because trust is something that only come with time. [With passing time one can determine who is and is not
trustworthy] ***NOTE: IF THE ONLY WAY TO KNOW WHO IS AND IS NOT TRUSTWORTHY IS
THROUGH WATCHING THEM IN THE COURSE OF TIME, THE WRITER OF THIS ESSAY IS SAYING
THAT SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHO IS AND IS NOT TRUSTWORTHY. THE PURPOSE OF THE ESSAY IS
TO GIVE A GUIDE TO THE READER ON WHO IS AND IS NOT TRUSTWORTHY SO THAT THEY CAN
IMMEDIATELY DETERMINE THESE INDIVIDUALS
The last thing to know if someone is trustworthy is that [whether that]person [is] willing to do things without
[getting]something in return. People have to depend on each other so being willing to do or to help each other
without [getting] something in return is very important[an important virtue]. [A] person who want[s] something in
return every time when they help the others usually negotiate[s] about reward[s immediately] when someone ask[s]
them to do something. This person is not trustworthy Because he don't[does not] pay attention on the task but on
reward and[thus] he is not sincere. NOTE: I REALLY LIKED THIS PARAGRAPH A LOT. I THINK THAT SHE
IS RIGHT UP TO A POINT; HOWEVER, EVEN WITH GENEROUS, ALTRUISTIC ACTIONS DON’T WE
WANT SOMETHING IN RETURN? OFTEN WE WANT AT LEAST A THANK YOU, DON’T WE?
In conclusion, there are many way[s] to know if someone is trustworthy, but the two basic ways [ideas] that
[one must consider] can prove is [whether] that person can keep all promises and don't tell [ refrain from telling]
lie[s].Which thing that he cannot do is the thing that he should not promise.Another way is That [and if
that]person don't [does not] want any reward when they[he or she] do[es] things [something]for another person.
When he help[s] the others without something in return, this can prove how much his sincere and
truthworthy[sincere and trustworthy he or she really is].

Note: If I were to give this a grade I would give it a P. With a bit more information elucidating these points this
essay has the potential to become a G.

B.

Note: I will not proofread this whole essay which has a lot of grammatical mistakes
and needs improvements in logic and clarity

How I know if someone is trustworthy

There are many types of people’s characters, which are different among each person all around the world,
such as kind – cruel, generous – narrow-minded, considerate – self-centered, responsible – irresponsible, rational –
unreasonable. [As there are so many types of human personalities with winsome characteristics, it is sometimes hard
to know who is good and trustworthy. An extroverted person who seems to like everyone around him might have a
specious smile and an introverted person who might not like interacting with someone could be a very kind and
caring person to those who come into his life. This being the case, the trustworthiness of a person is often difficult
to determine.] The most important personal nature everybody expects one to have is trustworthy; although, it is quite
hard to know whether a particular person is the exact one. [However, despite the difficulty of knowing whether
someone is a good or bad person initially from their exterior behavior, no one doubts that being trustworthy is the
most important of all virtues; thus this essay will seek to clarify how one might know who is really trustworthy.]
Here are some guides to tell if a person is dependable: honesty inside his mind and truthfulness he is able to keep as
much as he could.

When an employee performs a job in a company, especially in a position concerned with finance, he needs
to be really faithful. If one day he defrauds the firm’s monetary matters and his manager knows that, he will
certainly be fired. Specifically, at the present time when money is extremely vital for living, people seem to be
greedier due to the increase of their demands. It causes them to do anything for personal benefits, thus it causes them
to be faithless too. But as long as he is honest, his colleagues and also his boss will realize that he is reliable. He
might get a promotion in the near future as well, like the saying goes “He that sows good seed, shall reap good
corn”.

A person who is sincere and truthful is counted as a trusty. One can believe in him that he will never tell
lies or pretend to be nice; therefore, he will definitely gain one’s trustworthiness. Anyway, if he cannot maintain his
straightforwardness, one may feel bad about it and lose confidence in him. Please remind that facts are stubborn
things, even how hard one tries to hide, they will reveal themselves somehow. And do not forget that time is
precious, but truth is more precious than time. So keeping up the veracity is a great way to make one rely on the
person.

Even though it is a bit difficult to say which person is trustworthy, there still are some ways to comprehend
his trait just by familiarizing him gradually. Then, learning his characteristic will let one knows if he is believable, in
general he should be honest and truthful which are mentioned before. It is pretty worth getting close to or being
friend with someone.

Note: If I were to give a grade for this essay I think I would give a P-. The grammar needs to be improved. The
writer is talking in abstractions. If she can give specific examples it would be better. Do not say “for example” but
you can say, “This can be seen by+ [gerund, the “ing” verb/noun]

C.

How I know if someone is trustworthy

Being trustworthy is the most important of most people who are cooperate both working and living
together. Accordingly, the person who is trustworthy always is wanted by everyone. People can know who is a
earnest man which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.

People have many good ways to know is truthful by they should look from his several habits. For
example, wherever he work, he ought to be honest both his job and co-wokers. Also he should be truthful; he
won’t tell you lie everything that he must be true, and when he see the people have problems, he always give
his hand to help them that is he never leave and give a good solution to solve the problem to them. Moreover,
while working or talking, he doesn’t think his opinion that is the best, but he will open-minded to listen
other’s mind. People can know from that he is covered a lot of friends. Everyone loves and likes to beside
him. Accordingly, looking at his several habits that is one way to help people to know someone who is
trustworthy.

Another way can help people to know that is they should spend more time to learn with him before they
will give their’s trust.Certaintly, it is rare to find a good person to them. The best person; he doesn’t say the
bad things of them with other and brings a good thing to himself. Therefore, there are many other ways to
do .people just are careful and believe in their’s feeling.

It is not difficult at all to find someone who is honest. These ways above it can help people to save
themselves from a stranger and prevent a bad guy who wants to destroy their life.

*Note: If I were to give this a grade I would give it a P-. The overall composition using the formula has been
successful but the grammar needs to be improved and in the body the paragraph dealing with
trustworthiness has a lot of tiny minor subordinate points that need to flow into each other more fully and
each of them must demonstrate the issue of trustworthiness. Also the thesis statement must be underlined and
clearly show that fact+opinion that you want to prove and why you think this issue needs to be addressed in
an essay

206
My favorite childhood game is an elastic band jump which is fun. The elastic band jump game is jumping to pass
over an elastic which bring to connect and do not touch it. Jumper are divided two teams and have equivalent
jumper. The first team is to catch it and the second team is jumper. Then, if everybody in the second team to touch
it, the second team is to catch instead. When I jump I feel so exciting because I am afraid my body touch elastic
band. Besides, it is happy game because it has many jumper and I have my close friends, boy and girls. Therefore, I
enjoy when I play game with my friends.

Note: I am sorry, but if I were to grade this I would have to give it an “F” as it does not relate to the audience at all.
Remember that I said that if you write a first person essay you must talk about an issue that will make the reader
learn about his world or human nature. Also, it has no description to it at all. What does the game feel like? what
does it look like? how do people interact with each other in the game,?where is the setting for the game? In
description use strong adjectives, regular adverbs, adverbs of frequency, adverbs modifying adjectives, metaphors,
and similes.

206 narrative

I did my best for my mother on mother’s day.I never forgot my mother’s day every year because I loved her so
much. I called to her everyday. Besides, I returned to my hometown and bought jasmines flower to her because it
was the signal mother’s day . When I reached my home I went straight to her for kiss and hug. Then, we went to
temple near my home for fed to monks and went to restaurant which was near the beach because my mother likes
sea foods. After that, we went to shopping at the Kalasin plaza.I spent all my time with her and my mother feel
happy when I lived with her everywhere.

Note: I am sorry, but if I were to grade this I would have to give it an “F” as it does not relate to the audience at all.
Remember that I said that if you write a first person essay you must talk about an issue that will make the reader
learn about his world or human nature. This essay has no importance to the reader at all. If we are to appreciate
why she cares so much about her mother we need specific details and not maudlin abstractions.