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Write Up
Write Up
Write Up
You guys always
forced me to play with him during family events so I tried my best to get along
with him. He repeatedly stuck his hand down my pants while we were watching
movies and groped me. I told him no, but he never listened. While you guys were
busy chatting away after dinner, he locked me in the closet for an hour until I
agreed to listen to him, held me against my will, and proceeded take off my
pants and do terrible things to me as I squirmed and cried. I, the young and
scared 7 year old at the time, became the victim of his 16 year old porn
fantasies.
THIS is why I’m so afraid of the dark.
THIS is why I was so insecure and afraid of being intimate with anyone.
He told you guys later that I was crying because we had watched a sad movie,
but I was too young & scared at the time to defend myself. No matter how much I
conveyed to you guys that I hated having him around, you guys continued to
ignore me and invite him over every Christmas. It’s been 13 years, and you guys
still don’t understand why I act so hostile towards him.
2 Dad, I was playing games on your computer one day and accidentally found your
porn. I got in trouble that day for “disrupting your downloads”. Yes, I was 9.
Yes, English isn’t my first language. But it doesn’t take a lot of brains to
read “daddy fucks his daughter on cam” and understand what it means.
THIS is why I was so afraid of you after that day. I thought you were going to
molest me like the hundreds of similar videos you watched on the daily.
THIS is why I always locked my door when I changed (I always got in trouble for
locking my door).
THIS is why I never wanted to be close to you.
THIS is why, no matter how conservative and strict you acted, I knew it was all
a lie.
I understand everyone has their own sexual fantasies, but leaving your computer
on to the downloads screen and making no effort in hiding those things when you
have young children is absolutely disgusting.
3. Dad, Mom and I found your porn again on our TV. We were trying to watch our
childhood family videos, but we accidentally came across something..else. I
remember how hard Mom cried that night. You made her feel so insecure. She
finally understood why you would never kiss her or give her hugs. You don’t
love her because she doesn’t look like those girls in your videos. She works
her ass off day and night to support and raise our family, but you don’t love
her because in your eyes, she doesn’t look like the “perfect” woman. You don’t
see the beauty in her, and all you do is make her feel unwanted. I hate you for
that.
THIS is why I grew up extremely insecure and ashamed of my own body. I’m scared
that my future husband will see me the same way.
4. Dad and Mom, you don’t realize the effect your violent arguments had on me
and my perspective of love. You two used to bring me into your issues, and
force me to choose “who was right”. Dad, I watched you repeatedly hit Mom and
threaten to kill her when the fighting got bad. Mom, I also watched you
threaten to kill yourself whenever he wouldn’t listen. Now that I’ve grown up,
I know you wouldn’t have done it, but in my 10‐year old mind, I began to
believe that you were so willing to give up my sister and I just because your
husband didn’t listen to you.
THIS is why I’m so afraid of marriage.
THIS is why I don’t take your love advice because I see the way things are
working out with you two at home, and I know I don’t want that.
I used to lie to my teachers at preschool when they questioned my scars and
bruises. I told them I fell into the bushes / fell off my bike. But we all know
those bruises came from the physical abuse I constantly received at home. I’ve
lost count of all the wooden chairs, brooms, cooking utensils, etc. you guys
have broken from hitting me so hard. You guys used to lock me in the basement
in the dark with the rats or tie me up to a highchair and starve me. I was only
four when all this started. What did 4‐year old me do that was so bad that I
deserved all this?
I was raped in my first year of college by my ex‐boyfriend. He wanted to get
back together, but I didn’t, and he finished in me. I had no one to turn to,
and I couldn’t ask you guys for help because I knew you two would disown me, so
I walked 5 miles and bought Plan B with my savings.
I’ve flown to New Orleans and Austin to visit the guy I’m currently with, and
you guys have no idea. He makes me extremely happy, but you guys don’t approve
of him because he’s white (we’re asian) and you don’t think he’s going to be
successful. He makes me feel beautiful again, and it’s been a long time since
I’ve felt like that. He’s the first person I haven’t had to hide my body from
because he loves all of me so much, and some nights, I cry because I don’t
think I deserve so much love from someone. I’m not used to all of this support.
In high school, I was extremely suicidal and falling into depression because of
all the verbal and physical abuse at home. It took me 6 years to tell you guys
(I told you guys just a few months ago), but you guys didn’t even think twice
about it / acknowledge my mental health.
THIS is why I don’t open up to you guys and tell you everything.