GIBB'S CATEGORIES OF DEFENSIVE & SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION
BEHAVIORS
DEFENSIVE
EVALUATION: Judgmental statements
indicating a lack of regard for the other.
subtext. "I don't value you."
responses: counterattack, justification,
defensiveness, abandon
communication
CONTROL: Speaker imposes
solution(s) without regard to the needs
or input of the other.
subtext "I know better than you what
you need."
STRATEGY: Manipulation
subtext., "I don't trust you or our
relationship enough to be direct."
responses: resentment, resistance
NEUTRALITY: Indifference to
speaker's plight.
subtext 'What is going on with you
doesn't matter to me."
responses: resentment, hurt,
defensiveness
SUPERIORITY: Speaker reminds you
frequently of her perceived greater
status.
subtext "I am someone. You aren't."
responses: delight in speaker's failures
CERTAINTY: Sees one way: MY WAY!
Has low tolerance for disagreement.
subtext "I'm right, you're wrong."
responses: debate, delight in proving
speaker wrong
SUPPORTIVE
DESCRIPTION: Neutral statements
describing the behavior, giving it
context and reporting its impact on you.
"When you put me down in front of
others, I feel humiliated."
supportive language: "I"
factual vs. inflammatory language
PROBLEM-ORIENTATION:
Collaboration on a solution that is
satisfactory to both. win-win
supportive language: asks instead of
Tells responses: sabotage, resistance
"What do you think?"
SPONTANEITY: (honesty) Direct
communication with no underlying
agenda.
EMPATHY: Verbal and nonverbal
displays of support.
supportive language: reflective
listening, paraphrasing
EQUALITY: Speaker may have greater
talents, but communicates that she
sees you as having equal worth as a
person.
PROVISIONALISM (flexibility): Would
rather investigate than debate.
Acknowledges others' views.
supportive language: "perhaps"
"maybe" "This is how I see it."
questions