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Fun Quotes
Fun Quotes
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"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.
I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it.
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder!
-Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where
you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.
-Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
-If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
-Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?
-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?
-High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One
depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.
It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look
on your face.
-People say satire is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House.
-I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
-Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go into
storage.
-Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us,
and love those who hurt us
-Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over...
-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1
repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities
press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line
and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If
you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are
depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic
press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After
the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again
later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from
them and you have their shoes.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the
heck is the ceiling?
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.
Sometimes I wonder "why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.
Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't
work, it's physics.
When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I can be Mrs. Cullen, you can be Mrs. Black you can die and I can live forever!
"Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for."
"If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words."
"Hell's not so bad if you get to keep an angel with you." ~ Emmett Cullen
"All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them." ~ Walt Disney
Having the love of you're life say "we can still be friends" is like having you're dog die and your
mother saying you can still keep it.
GIRL COMEBACKS!!
"My dad owns the Café. I could get us really good seats."
"My dad runs that hospital, and that's where you'll be if you keep hitting on me."
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this
into your profile.
If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy this into your profile
If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto
your profile.
If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste
If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile
If you've ever walked into a wall before copy this into your profile
If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull (or vice versa) copy and paste this into
your profile.
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your
profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile
If you support the ‘Make Edward change Bella into a vampire’ club, copy this into your
profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you have an iPod and love rocking out to it, post this in your profile.
If that inatimate object now hates you more because you yelled at it, copy and paste this
into your profile.
If you think it would be hilarious to see Bella beat Emmett in an arm wrestling match, put
this in your profile.
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you
admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and
paste this on your profile.
If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died,
copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever turned around and questioned how you got on those subjects after an
entire conversation, copy and paste this in to your profile.
If you complian that your feet are cold and your mom tells you to put socks on and you dont
just for the sake of being stubborn, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this onto your profile.
If you get way to excited for books, movies, etc. to come out, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever wondered why the heck Canadians and Americans have to spell 'colour'
differently, and use different units of measurement, copy this to your profile.
If you think Edward is perfect for Bella, paste this onto your profile
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
That is called a wall. but beware the wall is solid. yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we
cannot walk through it! Believe me, for i have attempted this many times before.
╔══╗
║██║CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MUSIC!!
║(0)║
(\)_(/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny.
(")_(") Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination!
bbye!
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after
several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to
read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
When Obama tells his children to clean their rooms, he ends with, "I'm Barack Obama and I approve
this message!"
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is Carlisle, screw the fruit!
I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy!
Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives
telling us to sit down and shut up.
They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there
and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the
passengers in his car.
I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something
that happened yesterday.
"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers
St. Johns
"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart,
but best friends only poke each other with straws.
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmellows and
flirting with the firemen.
Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that can't.
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
BESTFRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food
BESTFRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA
FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night
BESTFRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and himself/herself in the
process
BESTFRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore
FRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and say nice to meet you
BESTFRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and scare the BLEEP out of him/her by threatening to break
every bone in him/her's body if he/she hurts your bestfriend
BESTFRIENDS: Will call him and say"you have seven days to live"
FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying
BESTFRIENDS:Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry
BESTFRIENDS: goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"
BESTFRIENDS: would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT
AGAIN!!"
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later
BESTFRIENDS:Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad .. heres a tissue"
BESTFRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you
BESTFRIENDS:Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,"Girl drink the rest of that you
know we dont waste
FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house
BEST FRIENDS: best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you
FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline
BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine
BEST FRIENDS: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your
phone
FRIENDS: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!" (don't ask you
don't want to know)
My Mother Taught Me
1. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
Men who dress as women can do anything boys can do while wearing heels and looking like
a girl.
Man "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman "Sorry, I don't date outside my species.."
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we
blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
If you are a serial killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME. If you are a cereal killer,GET THE
HECK AWAY FROM MY CHEERIOS.
"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell
is drinking my damn soda"