Professional Documents
Culture Documents
EULOGY
EULOGY
3. Develop a theme
The theme of your eulogy is a way to tie together some of the best stories,
images, and impressions from your sessions into a somewhat unified
piece. Don’t feel as though you need to make sense of the death, provide
some profound insight, or ‘make things better’ by finding some silver
lining or rationalization for the death. No one expects this of you, and
trying to do this can make others feel like their grief is being minimized.
It’s OK to just admit that the death is a terrible thing that we just don’t
understand; that we are sad, hurt, even angry about the loss, but we’re
gathered together to support one another and to remember our love for
that person. Themes can be questions like:
These themes ask a question. The question is answered by all the stories and
memories you’ve collected. Other themes could be:
If you have trouble coming up with a theme, take a look at the “Quotes,”
“Readings,” “Scripture and Prayers” and other resources on this site for
inspiration. Adding a quote or a reading to a eulogy can help organize your
pieces and add another level and perspective to your piece, but don’t try to
force your pieces together to fit the quote or reading. The honesty of the stories
is more important that any theme, so if the important ideas don’t fit, choose a
more loosely organized theme like:
You may find that more than one theme works best to present the material you
have collected. That’s fine too. Your theme is important, but should be
subordinate to your content. Ultimately, the overarching theme of any eulogy is
simply “the life of this person was important to us.”
6. Practice
Once you are pleased with reading the eulogy over in your head, it’s time
to read it aloud. Practice reading clearly and slowly; giving your audience
enough time to hear and understand all your hard work. Practice and
practice again. The more familiar you are with your piece, the easier it
will be to catch yourself if you falter, to look up from your notes and
engage with your audience, and to put feeling and emphasis into your
speech. Time yourself to see if your piece is too long or too short. A good
guide is about 15 minutes. If you go longer than 20 minutes, you may
have overstepped your bounds. If your eulogy is shorter than 5 minutes,
you may not have said enough.
7. When you deliver your eulogy, be sure to speak slowly and clearly.
Make sure you have a copy of your eulogy written out in large enough
type that you can read it easily. Keep a glass of water, a cough drop, and
a handkerchief handy as well. If you falter, or are overcome with
emotion, allow yourself to cry (no apologies are necessary) and resume
reading when you can. Try to look at the audience at least occasionally,
and at the family as much as you can. Feel free to gesture with your
hands, but try not to fidget. If there is a microphone available, use it.
Delivering a eulogy is a great honor. Friends and family will be forgiving
of mistakes, and grateful to you for this gift. Throughout it all, remember
that this is about the deceased, not about you. Most eulogies are
prepared and delivered by people unaccustomed to writing and public
speaking. Great oratory and profound insights are not expected, and are
not even the point of a eulogy. What makes a great eulogy is a heartfelt
message of love for the deceased, and stories reminding us of why we all
share that love. If you deliver that message in a clear, straightforward
manner, you will have succeeded.
Essential elements of a eulogy are
By limiting the scope of your remarks in this way, you should find
it easier to write your eulogy. A eulogy outline can also help. In
addition, you will more likely give your listeners some meaningful
insight into the deceased that they will cherish, rather than fill
them with the desire to glance at their watches or stifle their
yawns.
2. Keep Your Eulogy Personal
Listeners will not find your eulogy moving if you merely recite a list
of dry facts, such as those found in most obituaries. And avoid
simply rattling off a long list of character traits, such as "Uncle Ben
loved hunting, motorcycles, the Green Bay Packers, woodworking,
etc." This approach will prove about as interesting as listening to
someone read a grocery list out loud.
EXAMPLES OF EULOGY:
Steven and I met in Mr. Rollins' third grade class. I'd like to say we
became friends immediately but, actually, I thought Steven was quite the
teacher's pet so I ignored him.
Of course, that studiousness and his ability to make friends with the
'right' people is probably why Steven ended up as the owner of his own
successful company. I came to appreciate Steven's finer qualities and
what I came to know eventually is that it was all real. Steven did not have
an inauthentic bone in his body. Steven stood up for people. Something
happened in the seventh grade that I will never forget and is a perfect
example of the kind of person Steven was.
My brother, Eli, was two years younger than we were. There was a time
when walking to school past Water Street became quite a challenge for
many of us.
A gang of fellows gathered in front of a garage there and, when they were
so inclined, they would drag one of us into their group and torment us.
Most of us would escape eventually with a scraped knee or a missing
lunch.
Eli and I walked together and usually when there was more than one, the
hooligans wouldn't bother us. But one day I was sick and Eli had to walk
by himself. He did not make it past the corner. Eli was grabbed and
dragged to the center of their circle. You can imagine what happened after
that. They pulled his backpack off him and pushed him down. Then
Steven came along.
Years later Eli told me that even though Steven was the smallest kid in
our class, he just walked right into the group and pulled him up off the
pavement. He grabbed Eli's backpack and handed it back to him. "Go on,"
he told him. Eli scurried out of the group and looked back in time to see
Steven taking his first punch.
I remember the next day Steven was pretty banged up with a black eye. I
asked him what happened and he just said, "Nothin'... you know, Water
Street." That's how Steven was, always strong, always humble.
As you know, Steven has been endlessly generous with our community
through his charitable endeavors and with all of us who have been
fortunate enough to call ourselves his friends. Steven, you are gone too
Rev Dr. Martin
Luther King Funeral
Eulogy by Robert ForF.those of you who are black and are tempted to be filled with hatred
Kennedy and distrust at the injustice of such an act, against all white people, I
can only say that I feel in my own heart the same kind of feeling. I had a
member of my family killed, but he was killed by a white man. But we
have to make an effort in the United States, we have to make an effort to
"For those of youunderstand,
who to go beyond these rather difficult times.
are black and are
tempted to be filled
My favorite poet was Aeschylus. He wrote: "In our sleep pain which
with hatred ... against
cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own
all white people, despair,
I can against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of
only say that I feel in
God."
my own heart theWhat we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the
same kind of feeling.
UnitedI States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not
had a member ofviolence
my or lawlessness, but love and wisdom and compassion toward
family killed.... one another, and a feeling of injustice towards those who still suffer
within our country, whether they be white or they be black...
Martin Luther King,
the American civilWe've had difficult times in the past. We will have difficult times in the
rights leader andfuture. It is not the end of violence; it is not the end of lawlessness; it is
winner of the Nobel
not the end of disorder.
Prize for Peace, was
born in Montgomery,
Alabama. He rose to
prominence in the
civil rights movement
of the 1950s, led the
famous March on
Washington in 1963,
and the March from
Selma to
Montgomery,
Alabama, in 1965. A
brilliant orator and
writer, whose
insistence upon
nonviolence in the
Gandhian tradition
accounted for the
success of the
movement, Dr. King