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HOT SEX SKILLS

Give
t &
Ge reme Quickie
Sup sure Position
Plea Ever!
Mandy
Moore
Why It’s the
Fiercest Time
in Her Life

SCORE
FLAT
ABS (Thank You, Science!)

THIS
ONE Use Your
Amazon App to
Buy Directly From

MOVE
Our Pages!

When the Guy


You Love
Doesn’t Take
Your #MeToo
Story Seriously
©2018 P&G
NEW

WOW

scan to buy
P R E S E N T E D B Y O L AY

Your Spring Skin Awakening


These pro tips from Cosmo’s chief beauty director, Leah Wyar, are the
antidote to dull winter skin. Plus, see which products she’s crushing on—
then scan their SmileCodes to add them to your own cart.

Hydrate...
Inside and Out
Your body loses
water while
you’re sleeping,
meaning you’re
driest right
when you wake
up. Drink a glass
of water first
thing—and
slather on lotion
from head to
toe—to help
your skin regain
moisture.

Lighten Up
Your Skin Care
As temps and humidity
levels rise, so does the
amount of moisture in
your skin. Swap out your
heavier cream for one
with a fluffy, cloudlike
feel—this one, at left,
absorbs almost instantly
to create a fresh, semi-
matte finish. For around
your eyes, switch to a gel
formula with ultra-
LEAH’S
CART hydrating hyaluronic acid
CRUSH!
Snack Smart and peptides. It’ll de-puff
Munch on foods rich and refresh even the
in essential fatty “My makeup most tired-looking eyes
acids—they help goes on really without leaving behind a
your skin cells retain smoothly thick residue.
moisture. Salmon over this.”
and flaxseeds are Olay Luminous
filled with omega-3s, Whip, $29, LEAH’S
while walnuts and amazon.com CART
CRUSH!
chicken are a great
way to boost your
omega-6 intake. “The gel formula
G E T T Y I M A G E S (3).

feels so lightweight
and refreshing.”
scan to buy
Olay Eyes Deep
Hydrating Eye Gel,
$25, amazon.com

scan to buy
P R E S E N T E D B Y O L AY

Take a Daily
Probiotic
When the organisms in
Treat Yourself your gut are balanced,
You can have your they play a vital role in
chocolate and supporting your immune
reap skin benefits
system, which is tied
too. Just stick with
the dark stuff. “It to the health of your skin,
is rich in flavanols, says dermatologist
antioxidants that Whitney Bowe, MD, Lower Your
neutralize free- author of the upcoming
radical damage, The Beauty of Dirty Skin. Shower’s
and may help pro- Temp
tect the skin from Hot water can
UV light expo- deplete your skin’s
sure,” says derma- lipids, which are
tologist Joshua
Zeichner, MD. The
essential for a healthy
result? Smooth, skin barrier. Keep it
even skin. lukewarm. If you’re
red after you hop
out, that’s a sign your
skin is suffering.

Chill Out
“When you’re feeling
tense, your body
adjusts by revving up
levels of hormones like
cortisol, which can
lower your skin’s mois-
Score Some ture levels,” says Dr.
Shut-Eye Zeichner. Download a
Sorry, night meditation app like
owls, but that’s Headspace, and sit for
when your a daily 10-minute ses-
body increases sion to calm your mind
its cell turnover and balance your
speed, says complexion.
dermatologist
Dendy Engel-
man, MD.
Skimp on sleep
and you’ll
thwart your
skin’s ability to
offset dullness,
fine lines,
breakouts, and
puffy eyes.
Scrub Away
Dullness
Parched winter
skin doesn’t reflect
light as well as a
smooth, hydrated
surface does, leaving
you looking a lot less
lit. Use a daily cleansing
cloth that not only
washes away makeup
but also sloughs LEAH’S
off dead cells, then CART
MAIN IMAGE: NICK ONKEN.

CRUSH!
selfie away!
G E T T Y I M A G E S (4).

“This leaves my skin


soft, not stripped!”
Olay Daily Hydrating
Open your Amazon App scan to buy Clean With Grapeseed
Tap on the camera icon Extract, $12,
Choose SmileCode amazon.com
Scan and shop!
SAY BONJOUR TO
AN EFFORTLESS GLOW
BECAUSE YOU’RE WORTH IT.™

©2018 L’Oréal USA, Inc.


ELLE FANNING
The Makeup Artist Difference
“It’s as easy as putting on a moisturizer and provides
all-day hydration. Use it alone or under your makeup.”
Sir John, L’Oréal Paris celebrity makeup artist

GLOTION
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Gigi is wearing New Super Stay Matte Ink™ Un-Nude in Huntress.
Discover a new take on nude.
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Up to 16hr liquid matte.

NEW

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Apply & let dry; wear up to 16 hours.

©2018 Maybelline LLC.


get into it
March
Cover Stories

86 Sexier Skin 2.0


100 Hot Sex Skills!
106 Cosmo’s Best Quickie
Position Ever!
116 When the Guy You
Love Doesn’t Take
Your #MeToo Story

P H O T O G R A P H E D B Y R E G A N C A M E R O N . S T Y L E D I R E C T O R : J A M E S W O R T H I N G T O N D E M O L E T. H A I R : B R I A N B U E N AV E N T U R A W I T H M A N A G E M E N T +
Seriously

164 130 Score Flat Abs With

A R T I S T S F O R C U T L E R . M A K EU P : K E L S E Y D E E N I H A N AT T H E WA L L G R O U P U S I N G M A R K . S E E PA G E 1 7 9 F O R S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N .
This One Move
Call dibs on
Kelsea Ballerini’s 150 Mandy Moore
updated country
style. 156 One-Night Strands

Inside
10 editor’s letter
12 way more cosmo
IRO dress. Hanes 18 best (march) ever
x Karla top. Alexandre 22 the quickie
Vauthier boots.
Dsquared2 hat. 24 cosmo guy
Meadowlark necklace. 26 on my mind
Kelsea’s own ring
29 too funny!
45 style
61 beauty
95 love & sex
Cover Info
121 wellness
Bottega Veneta dress. Ariel Gordon
necklace. Oscar de la Renta earrings. To get
133 work & play
Mandy’s look, try SuperStay Full Coverage 150 features
Foundation in Warm Nude, Lasting Drama
Light Liner in Twinkle Black, and SuperStay 176 horoscopes
Matte Ink Un-Nude in Driver, all by
Maybelline New York. Try styling your hair 178 all about you
with Style Smooth Blow-Dry and Style Frizz
Guard Anti-Frizz Dry Spray, both by Garnier 179 shopping info
Fructis. Fashion Director: Aya Kanai. Hair:
Ashley Streicher using Garnier at Striiike. 180 cosmo quiz
Makeup: Jenn Streicher with Laura Mercier at
Striiike. Manicure: Stephanie Stone at
Forward Artists using Chanel. Production:
First Shot Productions. Photographed by
Eric Ray Davidson.

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

6
© 2018 Clinique Laboratories, LLC

Glow creator.
Spot corrector.
Improve skin’s luminosity instantly and over time.
Wear it every day and skin starts to glow
on its own, thanks to vitamin C. Our
good-for-skin foundations start at $26.00,*
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Allergy Tested. 100% Fragrance Free. *Suggested retail price. **No purchase necessary. One to a client, please. While supplies last.
Open your Amazon App
Tap the camera icon
Choose SmileCode
Scan to shop!
scan to buy
EDITOR’S LETTER

Ray-Ban sunglasses,
$202, amazon.com

scan to buy

When I was growing up,


there was a phrase “Shop
till you drop.” It was a
very ’80s saying meant
to describe a marathon NuFACE
session of shopping. But Trinity Facial
Training
there was something literal about it Kit, $325,
amazon
too—because back then, you got in your .com
car, drove to the mall, and went from
store to store all day, toting increasingly
heavy bags around. By the end of it, you
were so exhausted that you really did scan to buy
feel like you were going to drop.
But those days are over, thanks
to the ease of online shopping. And
et?
riber y no company has made that more
C osm o subscpecial deal!
Not a ras seamless than Amazon. Even better?
is tag fo
Sc a n t h This month, we’re teaming up with
Amazon to introduce a new program:
See Love Shop. We’ve put SmileCodes
on products we think you’ll love
throughout the magazine. When
you see one of these , simply open
up the Amazon App on your phone,
tap on the camera icon, and select
SmileCode from the menu. Then,
hover over the SmileCode in the
magazine and—bam!—an Amazon
page will pop up. You can add the Real Talk...
My pal and RHONY cast member
scan to buy item to your cart and check out—it’s Carole Radziwill has penned
as simple as that. On this page is some this month’s On My Mind column
awesome stuff I snapped up recently. about cultivating confidence.
Check it out on page 26.

Foley +
Corinna
bag, $138,
amazon
A L L I E H O L LO WAY.

.com
scan to buy scan to buy

Aldo sneakers, $70,


amazon.com
Open your Amazon App
Tap on the camera icon
Choose SmileCode
Scan and shop!
C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

10
Cosmo’s Bachelorette Party Games,
$10, preorder on amazon.com

RAD RIMS
Need specs to see
better—or just looking
for some style points?
Try a pair from our fab
scan to buy new glasses line.
Cosmopolitan Collection, from
$135, matcheyewear.com for stores

Way More
BEST. BRIDESMAID. EVER.
That’s you, after you whip out this
gleefully racy new card deck at
your BFF’s bachelorette. Cue
a hilarious night to remember (and
to maybe never mention to her
Cosmo We’ve got a lot going on.…
future in-laws). Don’t miss a thing!

O LY M P I C AT H L E T E S A N D S N O W F L A K E : G E T T Y I M A G E S (3). D E LO G U : N I C O L A R I G H E T T I .

Italians eat pasta?


A_ Every day…some-
times twice a day!
It’s in our DNA.
Q_ Pros of dating an
Italian dude?
FIGURE SKATER ADAM RIPPON, BOBSLEDDERS AJA EVANS AND JAMIE GREUBEL POSER, SNOWBOARDER CHLOE KIM
A_ They are passionate
and really know how
to woo a woman. They
also do it better in
bed.…
Hell yeah, Team USA! Come meet the Olympians you’re
Q_ And the cons?
about to be obsessed with. We have exclusive video and BTS
A_ They’re momma’s
profiles on the stars of the 2018 Winter Games. boys. And they don’t
always know how to
Open your Amazon App turn off the flirting.
Tap on the camera icon
Choose SmileCode
Scan and shop!
C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

12
The superpower
of makeup.
Up to 24hr full coverage
transformation.

NEW

FULL COVERAGE

AV
VAI
AILABLE IN
16 SHA
H DES

BEFORE AFTER*

* Model is wearing Super Stay Primer, Concealer,


Full Coverage Foundation & Master Blush. For full
Maybelline.com look details, visit Maybelline.com/superstay.

Jourdan is wearing New Super Stay Full Coverage Foundation in Toffee.


©2018 Maybelline LLC.
PRESENTED BY GARNIER

Way Moore Mandy


scan to buy The inside deets on her epic cover look!

GET HER GLAM


Mandy’s hairstylist, Ashley Streicher,
on how to score this fab bombshell blowout.
Garnier Nutrisse
Nourishing Hair Color STEP 1 with a blow-dryer, pull
Creme in Medium
Golden Brown 53, $7, Work a dollop of anti- brush through to the
amazon.com frizz cream throughout ends. Once each section
clean, wet hair. is hot and dry, wrap it
around the brush again
STEP 2
Steal Her Spray a thickening lotion
and hold under blow-
dryer for a few seconds.
Shade at hair roots, then comb
through to the ends.
Slowly twist out brush to
Crushing on Mandy’s retain the curl.
warm chestnut hair STEP 3 STEP 5
color? Transform Using your hands (not a Set your curls with a mist
your own tresses to brush), blow-dry until of finishing spray.
match with her new hair is 90 percent dry.
go-to at-home color STEP 6
STEP 4 Flip your head over,
creme. So easy, so
In 2-inch sections, wrap shake out your hair at
much gorge!
hair around a small the roots, and voilà—
round brush. Following extra volume!

Roland Mouret
dress. Christian
Louboutin heels.

P H O T O G R A P H E D B Y E R I C R AY D AV I D S O N . FA S H I O N D I R E C T O R : AYA K A N A I . P R O D U C T I O N : FI R S T S H O T P R O D U C T I O N S . S E E PA G E
Aurelie Bidermann
earrings

Change
The Dream Duo
All you need to
make every day
Is Good for
a good hair day:
Conditioning
Cream (at left) to
smooth stub-
Everyone!
born frizz and
Full Control Hair
Spray (at right)
for an ultra-
strong hold
that’s still totally
1 7 9 F O R S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N .

touchable.
Garnier Fructis Sleek Garnier Fructis
& Shine Intensely Full Control Anti-
Smooth Leave-In Con- Humidity Aerosol
ditioning Cream, $3, Hair Spray, $7,
amazon.com amazon.com Just Sayin’ Snap and share Mandy’s inspo on your
social channels—and post your own favorite hair looks
Open your Amazon App or transformations—with the hashtag #GarnierGirl.
Tap on the camera icon
Choose SmileCode
Scan and shop!
C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

14
scan to buy
Mood:
PUMPED!
And turning it way up for our
first-ever Amazon-shoppable
issue. We’ve got our fave
new anthem—see, scan, and
shop—on repeat.

Beats Studio3
Wireless
Headphones
in Porcelain
Rose, $350,
amazon.com

Editor-in-Chief SVP/Publishing Director, Chief Revenue Officer


MICHELE PROMAULAYKO DONNA KALAJIAN LAGANI
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Theresa Griggs ACCESSORIES EDITOR Nicole Fineo ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER/CHIEF ART
EXECUTIVE EDITOR FASHION EDITOR Aeyung Kim REVENUE OFFICER Peter Medwid CREATIVE DIRECTOR Lulu Zeitouneh
Sascha de Gersdorff ASSOCIATE FASHION EDITOR ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER/ADVERTISING ASSOCIATE DIRECTOR Gloria Tebelman
EXECUTIVE MANAGING EDITOR Samantha Roman Stacy Nathan DESIGNER Kaleel Munroe
Maria Baugh ASSISTANT BOOKINGS EDITOR ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER/MARKETING Jo Bray
CHIEF FASHION DIRECTOR, WOMEN’S Sean McIntyre EXECUTIVE FINANCIAL DIRECTOR PRODUCTION
GROUP Aya Kanai FASHION ASSISTANTS Peter Schmidt PRODUCTION/OPERATIONS DIRECTOR
CHIEF BEAUTY DIRECTOR, HEARST Rachel Bogo, Savee Dalgo, Danielle Chuck Lodato
MAGAZINES Leah Wyar Romito INTEGRATED ADVERTISING SALES OPERATIONS ACCOUNT MANAGER
Flum, Tira A. Urquhart, Ann Wang
CHIEF PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR, EXECUTIVE BEAUTY DIRECTOR Lynn Scaglione
HEARST MAGAZINES Alix B. Campbell BEAUTY Andrea Foster PREMEDIA ACCOUNT MANAGER
ENTERTAINMENT DIRECTOR BEAUTY DIRECTOR Marta Topran ACCOUNT DIRECTORS Deidra J. Robinson
Tracy Shaffer SENIOR BEAUTY EDITOR Terry Alvar, Michele Forman, Marissa Perri,
DIRECTOR OF EDITORIAL AND BUSINESS Amy Lazar Pollack, Tara Weedfald CIRCULATION
Lauren Balsamo VP STRATEGY AND BUSINESS
DEVELOPMENT Laura Brounstein BEAUTY EDITOR Maddie Aberman ACCOUNT MANAGER Natalie Hitt
SENIOR DEPUTY EDITOR DIRECT RESPONSE ACCOUNT MANAGER MANAGEMENT Rick Day
ASSOCIATE BEAUTY EDITOR
Meredith Bryan Dawn Franco
Kate Foster PUBLISHED BY HEARST
DEPUTY EDITOR Faye Brennan DIRECTOR OF MARKETING STRATEGY
BEAUTY ASSISTANT Erin Stovall Vicki Dreyer-Fischer COMMUNICATIONS, INC.
FEATURES ADVERTISING SERVICES DIRECTOR PRESIDENT & CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER
ART Steven R. Swartz
DEPUTY MANAGING EDITOR ART DIRECTORS Melissa Gart
CHAIRMAN William R. Hearst III
Amy E. Grippo BUSINESS ANALYST Kathryn Wawrzonek
Jose Fernandez, Christine Demetres EXECUTIVE VICE CHAIRMAN
EDITOR-AT-LARGE John Searles MIDWEST DIRECTOR Alissa French
Giordano, Betsy Halsey Frank A. Bennack, Jr.
SENIOR EDITORS Jessica Goodman, MIDWEST MANAGER Annie Cecil
DEPUTY ART DIRECTOR Sarah Olin SECRETARY Catherine A. Bostron
Ashley Oerman (Wellness) LOS ANGELES DIRECTOR Jee Ahn
ASSOCIATE ART DIRECTOR Mary Fama TREASURER Carlton Charles
ASSOCIATE EDITOR Rachel Mosely NORTHWEST DIRECTOR Dale Hirsch
ASSISTANT EDITORS CONTRIBUTING DESIGNER DALLAS REPRESENTATIVE
Wendy Robison HEARST MAGAZINES DIVISION
Danielle Kam, Helen Zook Jamie Majecki, Wisdom Media LLC PRESIDENT David Carey
ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT DIGITAL-IMAGING SPECIALIST EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT
Steve Fusco PRESIDENT, MARKETING AND
Ki Williams TO THE PUBLISHING DIRECTOR PUBLISHING DIRECTOR
EDITORIAL BUSINESS COORDINATOR Lynn Goldstein-Garguilo Michael Clinton
Caryn Kanare PHOTO AD COORDINATORS
EXECUTIVE PHOTO DIRECTOR PRESIDENT, DIGITAL MEDIA
ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Seana Leen, Gina Pisacreta Troy Young
Sophie Lavine Fabienne Le Roux ASSISTANTS Samantha Colin, Isabel Lanaux
DEPUTY PHOTO EDITOR CHIEF CONTENT OFFICER
EDITORIAL BRAND ASSISTANT RESEARCH MANAGER Emma Chapman Joanna Coles
Taylor Andrews Kristin Giametta CBS COORDINATOR Heidi Kaartinen
STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER Allie Holloway SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT,
CONTRIBUTORS Logan Hill, Matthew CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER
Hussey, Emily Morse, Esther Perel, SENIOR PHOTO PRODUCER Naomi Nishi INTEGRATED MARKETING Debi Chirichella
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DIOR.COM
SEPHORA

AND YOU, WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR LOVE?

T H E N E W E A U D E PA R F U M
March

3
The
beauty
biz is
pretty, but will
the competition
get ugly? Find
out when Glam
Masters, Life-
time’s battle of
the beauty blog-
gers, hosted by

1
Kate Spade’s latest touch- 2. The only thing Laverne Cox and
screen smartwatches more epic than the produced by
boast plenty of tech essen- cast of Ava DuVer- Kim Kardashian
tials and clever details like nay’s sci-fi spectacu- West, arrives
dials customized to your OOTD lar A Wrinkle in Time February 28.
($295, katespade.com). (Oprah Winfrey,
Reese Witherspoon,
Mindy Kaling) is the
smart-girls-can-save-
the-world story (in
theaters March 9).

6
5. Tune in to the You haven’t truly treated
90th Oscars to yo’self until you’ve applied
see if your faves Lancôme’s skin-rejuvenat- O S C A R , C OX : G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 2 ). G O O D G I R L S S C E N E : J O S H S T R I N G E R / N B C .
score the tro- ing Absolue Precious Cells
phies; stay for Rose Drop concentrate before
the inevitable bed ($110, lancome-usa.com).
topple-the-patri-
archy zingers 7. Schedule your
(March 4, ABC). spring pedi: Nine
West’s throwback-
inspired 40th-
anniversary
collection includes
need-’em-now
sandals ($109,

4
ninewest.com).

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8
DISCOVER

styling!

Go bamboococonutsheabutterhoneysilk
crazy on your bigspikedsleekblown
sculptedcurly hair
#rockwhatyougot
ogxbeauty.com | ogxbeauty
8. You could stock up
on chalky pre-workout

T H O R O U G H B R ED S : C L A I R E F O LG E R / F O C U S F E AT U R E S . G A M E N I G H T: H O P P E R S T O N E / S M P S P. P E R R Y: A B C /A L F O N S O B R E S C I A N I . LO V E , S I M O N : B E N R O T H S T E I N .
I C E S K AT E S , R O S E , N O L A N , T I M B E R L A K E : G E T T Y I M A G E S (4). B O O K S : A L L I E H O L LO WAY. E A R R I N G S : S T UA R T T Y S O N . AT L A N TA : G U Y D ’A L E M A / F X . T I M B E R L A K E
protein bars, or you
could eat SoulCycle

A L B U M C O V E R : R YA N M C G I N L E Y. T O M B R A I D ER : I L Z E K K I T S H O F F. M G M T C O V E R : J I M I TA B E R . A R T D I R E C T I O N A N D A L B U M D E S I G N B Y N AT H A N I E L A X E L .
and Milk Bar‘s delish
coconut- and citrus-

10
infused SoulFuel Kick your
cookies instead ($5, kiss up a
milkbarstore.com). notch with
the plumping power
of YSL’s Volupté
Liquid Balm (in N. 1
Night Rehab, $32,
yslbeautyus.com).

9
Super Bowl
performer
JT is primed
for pop domina-
tion with his new
record, Man of
the Woods, and
a tour launching
March 13.

11. What’s better than gorgeous


jewelry? Gorgeous jewelry that’s
also good for the planet. Dell‘s new
Circular Collection collaboration
with Nikki Reed uses materials
sourced from recycled computer
parts ($148, bayouwithlove.com).
12

14 15

16
12. Love, Simon Your feels will never be the same after Nick Robinson’s turn as a clos- Alicia Vikander
eted high schooler grappling with first love (March 16). 13. When We First Met Adam steps into Lara
Devine and Alexandra Daddario bring a little Groundhog Day and lots of LOLs in Netflix’s Croft’s boots
presh rom-com (February 9). 14. Game Night Rachel McAdams and Jason Bateman kill it to kick ass, take names,
as a couple whose weekly board-game bash suddenly gets way too real (February 23). and be your fave new
15. Thoroughbreds Olivia Cooke and Anya Taylor-Joy are long-lost childhood BFFs who superheroine in Tomb
reconnect to hang, catch up…and casually plot a murder in this dark comedy (March 9). Raider (March 16).

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

20
BEST MARCH EVER

17
The new
podcast 18. If we could bathe
Sports? in Arizona, Proenza
With Katie Nolan Schouler’s cactus-
turns your com- flower-and-jasmine-
mute into the best scented debut
kind of pre-game. fragrance, we would
($130, proenza The Bachelor
schouler.com). Winter
Games airs
February 13

19
on ABC.

scan to buy Reach new


levels of mel-
low with the
spaced-out
synth rock of
Little Dark
Age, MGMT’s
first album
since 2013.

23. Trust Katy


Perry—creator

24
of national trea-
sures like Left Attention, Bachelor lov-
Shark—to find ers! Between eps of the
the next great current season, don’t miss
American Idol these gems: International Bachelor
when she judges alums throw down Olympics-style to
20. Outgoing Drew needs a date to ABC’s reboot win love (or at least Insta fame) in The
his ex’s wedding. Enter shy girl with Luke Bryan Bachelor Winter Games. Journalist
Alexa and a meet-cute turned oppo- and Lionel Richie Amy Kaufman spills juicy behind-the-
sites-attract sitch in Jasmine Guillo- (March 11). franchise scoops in Bachelor Nation.
ry’s The Wedding Date. 21. In Lexie Shiri Appleby and Constance Zimmer
Elliott’s The French Girl, a farm- produce drama for Everlasting’s first
house vacay turns dark when, years bachelorette in round three of Life-
later, the body of a mysterious time’s UnREAL (February 26).
mademoiselle next door turns up.
22. The war between a predatory
frat and a feminist student society
in Sarah Henstra’s The Red Word
will get you fuming, laughing,
cheering, and most of all, thinking.

25. Clear your


sched: Donald
Glover unveils
Atlanta Rob-

26
bin’ Season—
Cop a piece of André
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Outkast star’s must-have new shoe
ing dramedy—
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March 1 on FX.
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Scan and shop!

21
the quickie with “New Rules” singer Dua Lipa

My happy place: My bed in London.


After being on the road, I can’t wait
to just sleep. Everyone in their 20s
should: Travel with friends. I go to
the Glastonbury Festival with my
mates every year. Fave Insta account:
@Love.Watts has everything from
amazing photography to glittered
eye shadow. My weakness: Shoes.
My Vetements flame boots are a new
favorite. They spice up a plain outfit.
My best trait: Kindness. And my
worst: I’m a bit bossy. Or at least, I
know what I want, and sometimes
trying to get my point across is
perceived as bossy. Weirdest quirk:
I eat two boiled eggs a day. They’re
a must while traveling for work—
you never know what will be in
catering. The last time I was really
nervous: Before going onstage in São
Paolo with Chris Martin to perform
“Homesick.” Pet peeve: People eating
with their mouths open. Current
#MCM: Paul Klein. There’s no one
like him. And my #WCW is: Alicia
Vikander. She was captivating in The
Light Between Oceans. My vice: Sour
MARKUS PRITZI.

sweets—always blue ones.

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

22
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Sorry,
Not Sorry
“I took away a bit of an
Michael B. Jordan unapologetic nature from
playing a villain. You can
He’ll soon be lighting forget that it’s totally fine
up a screen near you as to be selfish sometimes—
Black Panther’s playing this part was a
nice reminder.”
nemesis, Erik
Killmonger. But first,
MBJ talks about
relationship stamina
and when it pays to be
a little bit selfish.

30 and
Thriving
“My 20s were about fun and
a lot of trial and error! I’m still
figuring it all out, but I have a
better idea of what I want in a
relationship. Guys take a little
longer to get there, but at 30,
you start to have more of a
bird’s-eye view on
things.”

The
Long Haul
“My parents have been mar-
ried for more than 30 years, and
they’ve taught me that relation-
ships take work…on both sides.
There are so many options out there,
so people can be quick to abandon
what they have. But I’ve seen my par-
ents stick through the hard times. I
Feeling admire that, so I’m definitely
Pumped Up going to apply that to my
“It took a lot of work to get future situations.”
to the size I needed to be to
play Erik Killmonger. Physically,
this is probably the biggest I’ve
ever been. When you’re in that A New Man
kind of shape, you definitely “I can be super indecisive,
walk a little taller, sit a little to the point where I’ll just stay
more upright, feel a little
P E G G Y S I R O TA / T R U N K A R C H I V E .

in the house. But I’m working on


more confident.” living more, instead of being in my
shell. Pretty soon, you’ll see me
blossom into a more open ver-
sion of MBJ. I’m going into a
new, more carefree wave in
the next year
or two.”

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8 By Rachel Mosely

24
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How Confident
Women Are
Made, Not Born
By Carole Radziwill
Peter Jennings, the top news

A funny thing happened on that I had no experience, no


the way to the finish line. I
went in search of self-esteem but
instead found self-acceptance. objectives and worked hard to
Last November, I ran the New reach them. Each time I accom- our self-worth. How much
York City Marathon—an admi- plished something I set out to wiser would it be to strive
rable achievement for anyone, do, I felt that rewarding hit of for self-acceptance instead?
Radziwill is
especially me, a woman who has self-esteem. And I’ve believed Self-acceptance doesn’t feed a best-selling
happily and consistently side- that the reserve I have amassed off lofty achievements or author and a
stepped gyms, exercise, and from all those hits has served accolades to pump us up—it star of the
RHONY on
sports bras. It wasn’t a bucket- me well in my current occupa- is simply the state of feeling Bravo.
list item or a lifelong dream. In tion as a cast member on The content with who you are…or
fact, pounding pavement for a Real Housewives of New York, who you are slowly, thought-
random number of miles ran where an unforthcoming party fully evolving into.
counterintuitive to everything I invitation can send one into a Admittedly, it’s hard to just
believed in. Namely, napping. spiral of self-doubt. passively accept yourself—at
Apart from the exercise It wasn’t until I crossed least for me. So I’ve learned
avoidance, my life up to this the marathon finish line at that setting micro goals and
point was a carefully targeted 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 6 sec- achieving them is a saner path
series of high-achieving goals. onds (let’s be honest, had to cultivating confidence and
It started in early childhood I walked the entire length, self-satisfaction. The small
when I earned all my Girl Scout I might have finished more but meaningful triumphs
badges in one year. It contin- quickly) that I began to ques- we have each day—getting
ued when, at age 14, I worked tion the very idea of self- to the gym, remembering a
my way up from cash-register esteem—or at least the eager friend’s birthday, solving a
girl to the customer-service way I went about pursuing it. problem for a coworker, not
H E A D S H O T: G E T T Y I M A G E S . M A R AT H O N : C O U R T E S Y N Y R R .

department—practically man- Yes, I’m proud of my accom- texting your ex—when no one
agement—at a store in my home- plishment, but I came to real- is cheering us on are perhaps
town. This habit stuck through ize that pinning my self-worth more important to loving our-
college, when I went to work for on completing a run that a selves than those bigger and
year ago I would have thought rarer wins. Even if you’re the
pointless was absurd. Self- only one clapping when you
esteem isn’t an emotion; it’s not cross the finish line.
a hormone we are born with or
a chemical, like serotonin or
dopamine, that can be regu-
lated with a pill. It’s a cognitive

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

26
too
funny!
Confessions

“I used to be
into skaters.
I met this guy
at school
who I had a
huge crush on
and decided I
should show
him my skate-
boarding skills.
This would’ve
sealed the deal
if I actually had
skills. He was
skating by my
dorm, so I
asked if I could
try. I made it
about three
feet before
the board
flew out from
under me and
I slammed
P H O T O G R A P H E D B Y A L L I E H O L LO WAY.

into a wall. I fell


right on my
butt. Needless
to say,
things didn’t
work out.”
—SARAH E., 25,
PHOTO EDITOR,
BIRMINGHAM, AL

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

29
TOO FUNNY!

Celeb
Confession

“I had two “I was fooling


best friends, around with
a guy and a guy who “When I was
girl, and we said he never young, I took a
were called wanted to road trip with
the Three get married my family and a
Musketeers. and doesn’t friend. It was a
I was texting get why long drive, so
the girl girls are so we stopped to
friend about obsessed go to the bath-
how dumb with wed- room. As my
our guy friend and I
dings, and I were peeing, a
friend was agreed. We flying cock-
for not realizing started making roach came out
his girlfriend out, and when of the toilet. It
cheated on my pants came was flying
him. I then saw off, I was wear- around, and we
I was texting ing a pair of were scream-
him and not her. underwear ing—no pants
He didn’t talk that had on, because
to me for weeks. Bridesmaid in we were peeing!
“Many people try their shot with He eventually rhinestones on
By the time
we got out,
accepted my
me, but I don’t like everyone who apology, but
it! They were a
gift from my
everyone was
just staring!”
hits me up. It’s hard to be straight- afterward, we
never talked He looked at
forward, so if I don’t like a boy, I tell about it.”
—JOSEPHINE L., 26,
him I have a BF and send pictures ASSISTANT PUBLIC
RELATIONS MANAGER, I wanted to
of me cuddled up with a guy’s BROOKLYN, NY
L A SHES AND DEFR AITES : GET T Y IMAGES.

arm. In reality, I use my brother as


a prop!” —CASSIDY R., 19, STUDENT/MODEL, WASHINGTON, DC —RACHEL B., 25

“I had just started seeing someone. He told me he gets super grossed out easily
and was saying how he hates when people spit while talking. I was laughing, and I
spit...right into his mouth. He was disgusted, and we never spoke again.” —DANIELLE K., 24

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

30
“My friend and I were being weird. Her fake lashes kept coming off, and she put them in
my nose, naturally. Later, I was talking to a guy, and he said I had something in my nose. I’d never taken
the lashes out! I pointed to my friend and said, ‘Oh, those are her eyelashes!’ He ran away.” — NIKKI D., 24

“I was hooking up with this hot dude,


and he made me so nervous. One
time, I slipped on his stairs and went
down the whole flight on my butt. I
fractured my tailbone—my entire
butt was black-and-blue! I was too
embarrassed to talk to him again.”
—ERICA M., 23, MAKEUP ARTIST/SALES COORDINATOR, MIDDLETOWN, CT

“I went on
a date with a “I went to
guy who I’d boarding
thought was school, and
annoying at we snuck
first, but into the boys’
after some dorm for a
texting, I party. We
gave him a were drink-
chance. He ing on the
picked me up, balcony.
and when we Suddenly, the
were getting teacher on duty
out of the car, knocked,
he couldn’t find entered, and
his phone. He caught every-
asked if I could one in the room
call it. The only drinking, which
thing was, I can get you
didn’t remem- kicked out of
ber his name or school. It was,
save his number like, three weeks
under a name until gradua-
because I didn’t tion. I freaked
think I’d see and climbed
him again. He over the roof,
was scrolling through the
through my bathroom win-
contacts to dow on the
find himself other side of
and I was trying the hall, and
to explain! He slept in another
thought I was boy’s room. No
the biggest one got kicked
douche ever. out, and I even
I can’t blame won Student
him.” of the Year at
—MITRA J., 24,
STORE MANAGER,
graduation!”
STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN —ELIZABETH B., 30

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

31
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TOO FUNNY!

“I met up with
a date at my
local bar. I
happened to
be friends
with the
bartender
there and
told him that
if I needed
help, the
code would
first date with be ‘I need a
a guy I met on Manhattan.’
an app. He The date was
seemed absolutely terri-
sweet—he ble. He kept
was tall and asking why my
handsome, parents just
and I loved his had two kids
Boston and not more
accent! He was after me and
a bit of a talker my brother. I
but I am too, so I “I ate a lot ordered a
thought, ‘What- of guac and Manhattan, the
ever, he’s just then got bartender
passionate.’ Later drinks with a quickly acted
on, he surprised man I’d been like I had an
me and brought seeing for a emergency at
me down a scenic while. There home, and I left.
back road— was no bath- “I went out
“I went out with someone Later, I went

N U D E M A N : S E B A S T I A N A R T Z / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T. R I N G , M A R T I N I G L A S S , W O O D E N F R A M E ,
romantic right? room at the bar. with this
dude and we back to the bar
Well, we got out I felt horrible I’d met on Halloween. got deep with a friend,
of his car, and he diarrhea coming
looked me in the on and had to After dinner, we went back about my ex’s thinking the
depression. guy would be
eyes, dropped to run through to his place. I had been We split the gone. But he D O G F O O D, B AT H R O O M S TA L L : G E T T Y I M A G E S . B U D D H A : S H U T T E R S T O C K .

one knee, and town to find one.


I was stuck at a warned…but was still check, which was was still there!
told me he’d Busted!”
fallen in love with coffee shop for not prepared for the nude okay until the
—VICTORIA P., 27
three hours. next date. We
me the minute
Honestly, one of portrait of himself. It was of split it again, and
we’d met and
asked if I would the worst days him holding a Buddha he took all the
ever. Haven’t leftovers. The
marry him! I was
heard from the
statue over his dick!” worst part is that
laughing and cry-
guy since.” —SAVANNAH C., 22 when I declined
ing, and then I
—MARIE C., 21 the next date,
asked him to
he said he was
bring me home.
depressed and I
I didn’t know if
should help him.
I should be
I blocked him,
creeped out or
and we never
flattered. ”
spoke again.”
—DESTINY F., 23
—MELANIE M., 32

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

36
TOO FUNNY!

Expectation vs. Reality

S P L A S H N E W S . G I R L S C O U T C O O K I E S : E R I K A N U S S E R /A L A M Y S T O C K P H O T O.
P O O L I M A G E S : © B AU E R - G R I F FI N .C O M . K AT E M I D D L E T O N : P O O L / R EU T E R S /
Chilling on a Fighting with
giant float a giant float

JUICES: MIKE GARTEN. ALL OTHER IMAGES: GET T Y IMAGES.


Spring Break
SHAY MITCHELL

AMY
SCHUMER

Smoothies
for days

Girl Scout
Clean Eating Cookies all
day, errday

Classy lass St. Paddy’s Day

So close, we can
see the sweat
Tipsy at the
top o’ the
morning

March
Madness

Um...I think my
KATE MIDDLETON KENDALL JENNER AND BELLA HADID
team is winning?

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

38
IWitnessBullying.org
TOO FUNNY!

The Most YOU MATCHED WITH


WILL ON 12/15/17

Hi there!!! Thanks for

Cringe- matching with Will, your


future boyfriend. You are the
100th match and you get to
choose our interaction.

Worthy Type 1 for generic hi or hey


Type 2 for dinner for 2
Type 3 for gif

DMs Type 4 for compliment.


P.S. Congratulations on our
wedding.

Creepy, crazy, and flat-


out offensive dating-app
messages come with the YOU MATCHED WITH
LIAM ON 2/22/17
territory. But few compare
to these beauties. Heyo there
Today 2:13 PM
YOU MATCHED WITH
ISAAC* ON 2/01/17
Eff, marry,
I want to get married kill: me, me,
and have kids and u r a
little old but you’re hot. Trump.
Would you be interested
in something casual?

Mar 9, 2016 3:12 AM

YOU MATCHED WITH


MARK ON 4/09/17
game
sapnu puas Mar 10, 2016 1:09 PM

Anal?
I don’t know how
to type “f@$! off”
upside down and
backward, but not Tue, Feb 16, 7:36 PM
gonna happen.

YOU MATCHED WITH GREG ON 1/09/18


P R O FI L E P I C T U R E AVATA R S : G E T T Y I M A G E S .

Are you the SAT? Because I’d do you for


3 hours and 45 minutes with a 10-minute
break for snacks in between.
Hahahahahaha

My shrimp may be small but


YOU MATCHED WITH LUKE ON 8/29/17
it can make you feel things
you thought were only
Emily, you look like my ex-wife. reserved for the gods

By Hannah Kaplan C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8 *Names have been changed.

41
TOO FUNNY!

#CanYouNot
1 2
Crazy
Situation
Working
Your Last
Nerve?
Vent
Here!
“You have my
number. Why
are you sending
me a message

3 4
through Snap?
#PetPeeve”
—@CRYSTAL24V,
VIA TWITTER

“LMK why
people feel the
need to talk on
speaker phone
in a public place.
#CanYouNot”
—@JAMIETENNESEN,
VIA TWITTER

“Shout-out to
the guy at the
gym who makes
sex noises while
he works out.

# C A N YO U N O T E N T R I E S M AY H AV E B E E N E D I T E D F O R L E N G T H , C O N T E N T, O R C L A R I T Y.
#CanYouNot”
—@SUMMER
WEBER16,
VIA TWITTER
1 2 3 4
Need Some Seriously? Booty Trap! For Real? “What is the
Space… point of baristas
“I’m concerned “Casual sighting “The world would
“When the airport that people need on my walk be a better place if asking your
is empty with five actual reminders home from work. people stopped name if they
million free seats not to bring these #YouDoYou” using packing just scream
and people come on the plane.” —TAYLOR A., peanuts #NoThanks ‘chai latte’?
sit right next to VIA INBOX #PetPeeve” #PetPeeve”
—ROXY A.,
you. #CanYouNot” VIA INBOX —@SARALILYFORTIN, —@JADA_LONDON,
VIA TWITTER VIA TWITTER
—@LILBITT102,
VIA TWITTER

Tweet or ’gram what’s bugging you with a photo (hashtag: #CanYouNot), or e-mail
Got a Gripe? Inbox@Cosmopolitan.com (subject: #CanYouNot). You might see your handle here!

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

42
shop the
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Meet Violetta!
Is there anything this real-life
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As a dancer with BalletNext in
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P H O T O G R A P H E D B Y R U B E N C H A M O R R O.

Then there’s her adorbs


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Elgort (peep the love he leaves
on her Insta feed, @Violetta).
All that and her cool confidence
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C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

45
STYLE

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STYLE

x Karla top,
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SMOOTH
ATTITUDE
Water gels, cloud creams, jelly lotions, cooling waters, sorbets, frappés, mousses, and whips:
Welcome to the new generation of luscious, lightweight, and delectable-
sounding moisturizers. But can today’s innovative textures deliver the serious benefits of
yesterday’s rich salves? Gina Way reports on skincare’s dreamy new normal
Edited by EMILY DOUGHERTY, ERIN FLAHERTY & LEAH WYAR Photographs by NICOLAS MOORE
What happens right after
you open a brand-new
skincare product?
If it’s a moisturizer, you touch it, smell it, and experience the texture before slathering it on.
Is it balmy and thick? Creamy like pudding? A milky lotion? And how does it feel on your face?
Is it sticky, goopy, heavy, or greasy? Obviously, our sense of touch provides an essential, reflexive
connection between our skin and the brain—a way of delivering important information like
Ouch, that’s hot! or Yuck, did I just smear lard on my face?
This sensual, tactile experience is much more than a pickiness issue: The feel-good factor can
determine how much of a product you’ll put on, or if you’ll even use enough to reap the
benefits. It’s part of the reason so many women skip heavier sunscreen formulas: “People will
put a product on their hand first. If they hate how it feels, they won’t use it,” says Dr. Ellen
Marmur, New York dermatologist and associate clinical professor at The Mount Sinai Hospital.
“That sensory input is the secret to compliance in using a medication or any skincare product
and a huge part of efficacy in treating skin conditions such as acne and rosacea. An elegant
formula improves the patient’s experience so she’ll actually use it.” Applying a product that you
love increases its skincare benefits, simply because you’re putting on enough of it every night.
This fact alone explains why skincare giants from Shiseido to Olay are scrutinizing the latest
studies on touch and its neurophysiological effects, employing neuroscientists in their labs, and
even crowdsourcing data to help develop new product textures meant to enhance the user
experience. Sensory research has suggested that we form confident impressions of products
simply by touching them. Shiseido’s behavioral scientists discovered that when people physically
touch and smell a beauty product, blood flows to the brain and stimulates brain activity. Even
the design of a package can influence our perception of what’s inside. In one study, people said
that water seemed to taste better when it was in a firm bottle, as opposed to a flimsy one. The

PRODUCTS PHOTOGRAPHER: JEFFREY WESTBROOK. STILL LIFE STYLIST: SARAH GUIDO-LAAKSO FOR HALLEY RESOURCES
packaging of Shiseido’s new Essential Energy line was inspired by traditional Japanese raku
pottery—as well as some extensive psychological metrics. The brand’s researchers found that the
unique shape of objects that fit comfortably in your hand, like a handcrafted teabowl, for
instance, brings a feeling of warmth and comfort. And who wouldn’t want what’s inside that jar?
Those associative emotional links between the skin (and the thousands of touch receptors in our
hands) and the brain pack quite a punch.
Consumer research has also gone high-tech. Olay’s online Skin Advisor tool uses technology
rooted in artificial intelligence to analyze your skin. After you’ve uploaded a selfie, your face is
compared to a database of more than 50,000 other faces. An algorithm estimates your skin’s
perceived age, and then the site provides appropriate product recommendations. Skin Advisor
also collects consumer data from more than 2 million people to help drive the invention of
game-changing new formulations. For instance, analysts found that 64 percent of the users preferred
FROM TOP: OLAY Eyes a lightly hydrated skin feel from their moisturizer, as opposed to that of a richer consistency.
Ultimate Eye Cream, Two other important influences driving these trending textures: Millennials and K-beauty. “A lot
$27; DIOR Dior
Prestige La Micro-Huile of Asian moisturizing products tend to be water thin or fluffy light,” says Toronto-based cosmetic
de Rose, $260; OLE chemist Stephen Alain Ko, “perhaps because it can get so humid in South Korea, or because you
HENRIKSEN Nurture
Me Moisturizing can layer more of these on your face in a multiple-step routine. In America, we’re starting to
Crème, $40; PIXI become open to more of these innovative moisturizers.” New York–based dermatologist Dr. Joshua
Skintreats Rose Caviar
Essence, $24; ERNO Zeichner thinks the under-30 crowd is at the forefront of the movement: “Younger women are
LASZLO Hydra-
Therapy Memory aware of antiaging and want to prevent future wrinkles, but they’re more concerned about clogging
Sleep Mask, $90. For their pores and breaking out with some heavy cream or a sticky sunscreen.” With scales tipping so
information on where
to buy, see Shopping far in the direction of lighter textures, it’s not surprising that suddenly there seems to be no dearth
Directory. of new skincare products that hit a lighter note: Dior has a “sorbet” cream, Julep has a “pressed”
serum, Olay’s new moisturizer is “whipped,” and Tula’s new hydrator is even described as “kefir.”
2
4

10 8

PRODUCTS PHOTOGRAPHER: JEFFREY WESTBROOK. STILL LIFE STYLIST: SARAH GUIDO-LAAKSO FOR HALLEY RESOURCES

Maybe it’s because names like these remind women of mer-light moisturizers that give you that gold standard silky
another attractive texture: silk. “We asked multiple focus groups feel and provide serious skincare benefits at the same time.
of women in different countries how they would want their That said, this new wave of weightless textures—everything
faces to feel after putting on moisturizer, and the majority chose from bouncy jellies to mousse-y whips—may be light as air, but
a particular type of smooth silk fabric,” explains Frauke Neuser, can they really be as hydrating and effective as traditionally
Ph.D., principal scientist at Olay’s labs in Cincinnati. They then heavier creams? For years, we’ve been taught that only a thick
used a futuristic biosensor device called a SynTouch (which cream or ointment can occlude the skin in order to lock in
looks and acts like a human fingertip) to evaluate the tactile moisture—basically creating another barrier over the surface
properties of the fabric, and, in true Blade Runner fashion, with thick emollients like lanolin or petrolatum. “As technology
applied their findings in order to help develop the product and chemistry have evolved, we’re flipping this concept on its
texture of the new Olay Whip collection, a line of six gossa- head by developing formulas that can enhance absorption

1. ERBORIAN Yuza Double Lotion, $36. 2. J.ONE Hana Cream, $50. 3. PAI Rosehip BioRegenerate Oil, $46. 4. HERBIVORE Lapis Balancing Facial Oil, $72. 5. FROM LEFT:
OLAY Whips in Luminous, Total Effects, and Regenerist, $29 each. 6. ALGENIST Genius Liquid Collagen, $115. 7. FROM TOP: ILIA Cucumber Water Stick, $42;
MILK MAKEUP Hydrating Oil Stick, $24; MILK MAKEUP Cooling Water Stick, $24; JULEP Pressed Serum Daily Moisturizer Stick, $36. 8. GIVENCHY Le Soin Noir & Blanc Masque,
$300. 9. PETER THOMAS ROTH Water Drench Hyaluronic Cloud Hydra-Gel Eye Patches, $48. 10. FROM TOP: MAY LINDSTROM The Blue Cocoon Beauty Balm Concentrate,
$180; TULA Kefir Moisture Repair Pressed Serum, $65; DIOR Hydra Life Fresh Hydration Sorbet Crème, $69.
SEE what we’ve
WHIPPED UP next...
Shine
On
New skincare product
textures have never been
more exciting: This metallic
pearl and diamond powder
mask is super selfie-ready,
and it leaves your
complexion looking
kirakira+ bright.
I DEW CARE Disco Kitten
Illuminating Diamond
Peel-Off Mask, $23.
NEW

feel a LIGHT AS AIR


finish in a FLASH
Delightfully whipped for instant absorption.
without the bulky vehicle,” explains
New York–based dermatologist Dr.
Kavita Mariwalla. Ko agrees: “Break-
through formulations, like nano- and
microemulsions of retinoids, can break
down the particle sizes of ingredients
and use encapsulation techniques that
can work even better than a traditional
ointment.” Beauty brands are following
suit, developing ultralightweight
moisturizers that work as well as an
occlusive cream. Instead of heavy
emollients, Peter Thomas Roth Water
Drench Hyaluronic Cloud Cream uses
multiple molecular sizes of hyaluronic
acid to better penetrate the top layers of
the skin, as opposed to sitting on top
of it like a raincoat. Tatcha The Water
Cream and Shiseido’s new Essential
Energy Moisturizing Gel Cream
encapsulate moisturizing ingredients
in micro-size water balloons that burst
open upon application, flooding the skin
with hydration. Olay used another
unique delivery system to create its airy
Whips: Starch-based polymers act like
microscopic sponges in the emulsion
to soak up moisturizing ingredients like
water, niacinamide, and glycerin. When
the mesh-like formula touches your skin,
it interacts with the natural salts on top
to release the encapsulated hydrators.
Not to mention that three out of six
of Olay’s Whip moisturizers have
broad-spectrum SPF 25, so now you
have no excuse not to slather it on.
Mission accomplished. The marriage
of science and beauty provides myriad
moisturizer options that truly deliver
the goods, but lest you think these
groundbreaking advances are making
traditional creams a thing of the past,
think again: “Creams aren’t going
anywhere,” says Marmur, “because
they work so well, and many women
love them. It’s just that now we have
many other sophisticated textures to
choose from—and they’re just as
effective.” Amid such a thrilling array
of new and delicious-sounding airy
whips and mousses, there’s always
room for a classic pot de crème.
Just do what feels right.
Glow
Getters
A light-as-air liquid
moisturizer drenches
skin in a glassy layer
one minute, then
dries to a smooth,
velvety finish the next.
SHISEIDO Waso Fresh
Jelly Lotion, $30.
Dew It
Thanks to the plethora of
skincare updates, your
hydration needs should be
covered morning and night.
And in between? A face
spray can reinject some
midday moisture.
GLOSSIER Soothing Face Mist
Rosewater Spray, $18.
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1
OLAY Eyes Ultimate
Eye Cream, $27.

Lip Contour Cream, $210.

3
OLAY Eyes Deep
Hydrating Eye Gel, $27.

4
SHIVA ROSE Blue Crystal
Eye Cream, $95.

Visual Aids
Life hack: Discover an eye
cream so dreamy you’ll never
forget to apply. Take it to
the next level and use a tool, 5
like the one above, for

PRODUCTS PHOTOGRAPHER: JEFFREY WESTBROOK. STILL LIFE STYLIST: SARAH GUIDO-LAAKSO FOR HALLEY RESOURCES
a mini nightly massage. SK-II LXP Ultimate Revival
Eye Cream, $195.

Defense Zone
In 2010, I had an experience that changed my life—or, at didn’t even own an eye cream. Turns out, that wasn’t the wisest
least, the life of my skin. I was invited to Canfield Scientific, a move. Studies have shown that the skin under the eyes loses
state-of-the-art research facility in New Jersey, to peer into significantly more water than other areas of the face. Addition-
my future via a VISIA-CR device dubbed the Advanced Aging ally, having dry skin more than doubles the rate at which lines
Simulation Machine, which, using software based on P&G data, will develop, meaning that a 28-year-old with dry skin will
could preview how my skin would age. I was expecting that have a 52 percent increase in wrinkles by the time she’s 36,
this high-tech crystal ball would foresee jowls, and cheeks beset whereas a woman of the same age with a well-hydrated dermis
by blotches of hyperpigmentation—essentially a template of will show only a 22 percent increase. From the moment I left
how women in my family tend to manifest signs of advancing Canfield, I became an eye cream devotee, and I’m happy
years. Instead, to my surprise and alarm, it was my eyes that to report that eight years later I’m still crow’s-feet-free. My
showed the most predicted wear and tear: There was a distinct go-to eye serum is as essential as a morning cup of coffee, and
sag to my lids, and a road map of crinkles radiated out onto my as nonnegotiable at bedtime as having a pillow. For me,
cheeks—smile lines that were nothing to smile about. Having being forewarned meant being forearmed, and, thankfully, it
never anticipated that crow’s-feet might be a problem, I hadn’t wasn’t too late to change my wrinkle destiny—but I’m still
done much to prevent them. I used moisturizer elsewhere but not taking any chances. —April Long
scan to buy
Power Powder
GENTLE EXFOLIANTS—
NO HARSH GRIT
HERE—WORK EVEN
FOR EVERYDAY USE.
FROM TOP: ODACITÉ Green
Ceremony Cleanser, $55; TATCHA
Indigo Soothing Rice Enzyme
Powder, $65; RODIN Facial
Cleansing Powder, $45.

Gel-ohh
THIS FACE WASH

Clean Sweep
Moisturizing formulas aren’t the only innovations
TRANSFORMS FROM
A REFRESHING
GELÉE TO A DECADENT
OIL TO A MILKY
LATHER IN SECONDS.
upping the skincare ante. A slew of new cleansing
OLE HENRIKSEN Uncover The
options—foams, milks, lotions, oils, sticks, powders, Truth 3-in-1 Melting Cleanser, $34.
wipes, and face washes that transform from an oil or
powder into a foamy lather—are making your bathroom
sink a very interesting place to be. No matter which

PRODUCTS PHOTOGRAPHER: JEFFREY WESTBROOK. STILL LIFE STYLIST: SARAH GUIDO-LAAKSO FOR HALLEY RESOURCES
wash you choose, they all share the same simple goal:
to remove oil, dirt, and makeup without drying your face.
Enter the new “cleansing infusions.” These washes,
like Olay’s new collection, combine water-soluble
glycerin with oil-soluble plant-based lipids such as
soybean oil. This science-y cocktail allows the hydrating
properties in the cleanser to cling to the skin and
penetrate the upper layers, instead of just sitting
on top or being washed down the drain.
Another new and improved multitasker: a dry cleansing
cloth with mild surfactants and moisturizers like shea Double Duty
butter, aloe, and grape-seed extract. It morphs into a soft, THESE FACE AND BODY WASH PAIRS
nubby washcloth with a rich lather when you wet it, so USE SIMILAR NON-STRIPPING,
you remove makeup, cleanse, hydrate, and gently exfoliate GLOW-INDUCING FORMULAS TO KEEP
in one step. “This gives you a one-and-done wash,” says YOU FRESH FROM HEAD TO TOE.
FROM LEFT: OLAY Micropolishing Cleansing Infusion Hydrating
dermatologist Dr. Ellen Marmur. “And it doesn’t leave a Glow Facial Cleanser with Crushed Ginger & Citrus Extract, $7;
residue like a makeup remover wipe can, which is the Cleansing Infusion Hydrating Glow Facial Cleanser with Deep Sea
reason everybody uses the double-cleansing technique of Kelp & Aloe Extract, $7; Microscrubbing Cleansing Infusion
wiping first, then washing. People like to get that satisfying Hydrating Glow Body Wash with Crushed Ginger, $5; Cleansing
Infusion Hydrating Glow Body Wash with Deep Sea Kelp, $5.
soapy washcloth experience, but this one adds in good
nourishing moisturizers, and the cloth can’t harbor
bacteria since it’s disposable.” Wash-and-go indeed. —G.W.
Fashion Editor:
Daniel Edley.
Hair: Rita Marmor/
See Management.
Makeup: Frankie
Boyd for Chanel
Les Beiges/Streeters.
Manicure: Elisa Ferri
for Chanel
Le Vernis/See
Management.
Prop Stylist: Todd
Wiggins. Models:
Shaughnessy
Brown/New
York Models;
Chey Carty/
New York
Models.

Night
Wash
Face wipes—the evergreen evening
essential—just got a major
upgrade in this do-it-all version
from Olay. Not only does
it melt away makeup, but it also
acts as a toner, mask, and scrub.
OLAY Daily Facials Daily Hydrating Clean with
Grapeseed Extract, $10.
scan to buy
8
6 Fresh BEAUTY

Ways to
Wear
TOM FORD
1

1. Fat Cat
An extra-thick flick
gives new meaning to
statement eyes. 4. Full Circle
Amp up the sexy and
2. Zip It use an inky kajal liner
Your mascara does all around lids. Create
more than enhance small kitten flicks at
lashes. Stamp the both corners.
wand on the outer cor- TRY Stila Smudge
ners of your lids for a Kajal Eyeliner, $20, stila
cool zipper effect. cosmetics.com
TRY YSL Volume Effet
Faux Cils Le Curler Mascara 5. Silver Lining
in Noir Ombré, $29, Run glitter liner along
yslbeautyus.com
your inner corners to
achieve KiraKira+ level
3. Twin Peak sparkle IRL.
LANVIN

You don’t have to ditch TRY Urban Decay Heavy


2 your go-to black to Metal Glitter Eyeliner in
switch things up— Pyro, $20, sephora.com
ROBERTO CAVALLI

4 just add a pop of blue


beneath for a new take. 6. Bottoms Up
TRY L’Oréal Paris Infalli-
ble Pro-Last Liner in Cobalt A basic cat eye can feel
Blue, $9, drugstores same-old...until you
flip it upside down. So
OSCAR DE LA RENTA
I M A X T R E E (3). J A S O N - L LOY N D E AV N S (3).

Want More Trends?


All you have to do is ask your Amazon Echo or Dot to “enable My
Beauty Chat.” This first-of-its-kind skill features Cosmo
beauty editors spilling their best tips and current obsessions
RALPH & RUSSO

JILL STUART

every day and night. Up this month: the coolest looks they
spotted backstage at Fashion Week that you’ll be dying to try
and the expert tricks to actually pull them off. 6

By Paige Stables C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8
J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D.

By Erin Stovall
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cheap thrills

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Part damp hair


crisply down the

in the
center, then blow-
dry with the nozzle
facing downward
to push the cuticle
smooth, says New
York City hairstylist

Back
Joseph Maine, who
crafted this look.

Create a 1-inch-wide
vertical section of
hair, starting right
Rubbing hair below your crown
serum between (this keeps the braid
your fingers will invisible from the
help tame fly- front), and French
aways as you braid, braid it to the ends,
says Maine. His securing with a clear
pick: Color Wow hair tie.
Pop & Lock High
Gloss Shellac, $20,
colorwowhair.com.

The secret to a
supersleek pony:
Spray a strong-hold
hair spray (we like
Tresemmé Com-
pressed Micro-Mist
Popping a cool cuff Hair Spray in Extend,
over a basic elastic $5, drugstores)
takes your look to directly onto a brush
the next level. Here, before sweeping
Lelet NY Slit Metal your hair back.
Pony Barrette, $148,
leletny.com. (Check
out Chloe & Isabel,
chloeandisabel.com,
for other options.) Working in half-
inch sections,
crimp the tail of
your pony (GHD
Contour Profes-
sional Crimper,
$169, ghdhair.com,
was used here).
Amp up the tex-
ture even more
with a few blasts of
texturizing spray.
COURTESY JOSEPH MAINE.

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8 By Paige Stables

84
BEAUTY

The Ultimate Beauty


Smooth
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and Brighten
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1. Pick a
Basic Cleanser
Pricey ones with fancy
ingredients aren’t
necessary. “Most don’t TAP THE EXCESS
penetrate skin and just
get washed down the SERUM AT THE BOTTOM scan to buy
drain when you rinse,” OF THIS POUCH ONTO
says dermatologist Julie YOUR NECK AND CHEST
Karen, MD. A hydrating 4 TO GLOW ALL OVER.
formula (like St. Ives’) is 4. Pop on a
all your skin needs.
Sheet Mask
St. Ives Cactus Water & Think of sheet masks as
Hibiscus Cleansing Stick, $8,
the cheapest (and fast-
drugstores
est) alternative to an
in-spa facial...ever! Try
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Invest in a multitasker nol is one of the best utes to brighten your
that works to smooth ingredients for smooth- skin tone and soften
lines both now and later. ing wrinkles—and you texture temporarily.
P H O T O G R A P H E D B Y J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D.

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provide an immediate get a potent Rx formula. liating fruit extract and
plumping effect and Research suggests over- skin-softening vitamin E.
antioxidant niacinamide the-counter kinds can Pond’s Hydrate + Glow
and SPF 25 to defend have a similar effect on Sheet Mask, $2.50 per sheet,
from UV damage (which skin with less redness drugstores
can lead to spots and and irritation, says derm
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Olay Regenerist Whip SPF 25, RoC Retinol Correxion
$29, amazon.com Max Daily Hydration Crème,
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C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8 By Lauren Balsamo

86
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tologist Shari Marchbein, motes wound healing)
MD. Try Garnier’s foam- and moisturizing glyc-
free micellar water (one erin, both in L’Oréal Paris’s
of Dr. Marchbein’s favor- Cicacream—that support
ites) instead. Pour some this process. Make sure
on a cotton pad, and p.m. products are free of
sweep it over your face even more angry. Get Aveeno’s SPF day cream) fragrance and alcohol.
morning and night. your daily dose by mix- have anti-inflammatory “Both can exacerbate
ing two pumps of this properties that can dryness and redness,”
Garnier SkinActive Micellar
vitamin E–rich booster soothe your complexion says Dr. Marchbein.
Cleansing Water All-in-1, $9,
drugstores into your SPF. while protecting it from
L’Oréal Paris Revitalift
Neutrogena Hydro Boost UV damage. Cicacream, $14, amazon.com
Multivitamin Booster, $21, Aveeno Ultra-Calming Daily
amazon.com Moisturizer Broad Spectrum
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BEAUTY

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great for sloughing off hyperpigmentation
the dead skin cells that With Adapalene (spots and scars from trendy—they also
trap oil to skin and clog This specific type of reti- old zits) is made worse Acne-prone and oily skin help purge dirt and
pores, explains Dr. Mar- noid works to prevent by UV damage. And ada- types need hydration debris from pores while
mur. Use it morning and and clear up breakouts in palene and other acne too (dehydrated skin can absorbing excess sebum.
night for a deep clean. two ways: by speeding treatments can make overproduce pore-clog- Apply this one for 15
Good to know: In over- up cell turnover to unclog skin more susceptible ging sebum), says Dr. minutes before bed (it
the-counter acne washes, pores and reducing to sunburn. Commit to a Marmur. And most acne contains kaolin and
the ingredient is available inflammation to nix red- non-pore-clogging (look meds have drying side bentonite clays), and
in varying strengths— ness and swelling. Try it for non-comedogenic effects. Choose a fast- Zen out with its relaxing
from 0.5 percent (in in derm-fave Differin Gel on the box) lotion that absorbing formula with a spa-like scent.
Bioré’s) to 2 percent. If (previously available by hydrates and contains gel-like texture (like Sim- Clean & Clear Night Relaxing
your skin is dry, go low. Rx only), clinically proven SPF 30 or more. ple Skincare’s) that won’t Detox Clay Mask, $4,
to reduce acne by nearly feel heavy on skin. drugstores
Bioré Baking Soda Acne La Roche-Posay Toleriane
Cleansing Foam, $6.50, 60 percent when used Double Repair Moisturizer UV Simple Skincare Water
drugstores once daily for 12 weeks. Broad Spectrum SPF 30, $20, Boost Skin Quench Sleeping
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C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

91
Secret Women confess
the outrageous,
ingenious,
questionable, and

Beauty
kinda awesome
things they do
behind closed doors.

Behaviors—
Exposed!
“My eyebrows are basi-
cally nonexistent, so I
used to draw them on
with pencil every day.
One time, after hooking up
with a guy, I woke up and real-
ized I had slept on my side and
one eyebrow was gone! I rushed
to the bathroom to reapply it so
he wouldn’t notice. Today, my
brows are microbladed, which
is basically a tattoo that for
me lasts about a year. No more
missing eyebrows!” —KATE F.

“I was out shopping


when a guy I was
seeing asked me over.
The sitch down there wasn’t
pretty, so I bought a razor and
shaved in the sketchy drugstore
bathroom. Ick!” —LEAH P.

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

92
BEAUTY

“If I’m desperate, I’ll use


my own hair as floss. Gross,
“A patch of really dark, but it really works.” —GINA Q.

coarse hair grows in like


weeds on my chin. I am “Last February, I
skipped half a day of
paranoid about plucking work to wait in line for a
and checking in on them… Kylie Cosmetics pop-up, then
spent $300 at the store. No
so much so that I made regrets.” —ANN H.

my best friend promise


that if I’m ever in the “I told a guy I was
hooking up with that I
hospital or a coma, she naturally don’t sweat.
will come every few days Reality? I use prescription
antiperspirant on my arm-
to pluck my chin!” —MARY M. pits…and under my boobs!”
—GRACE C.

“YouTube beauty “I used to spend hours


tutorials are so relaxing a day in makeup groups
to me. If I’m having a hard on Myspace copying
time falling asleep, I’ll put them others’ EOTD (eye of the
on. I’ve woken up more times day). I’d even sign up to com-
than I care to admit with my lap- pete in the challenges where
top open playing winged-liner you were given a theme—I won
videos.” —CORINNE M. the Marilyn Monroe challenge,
so go me. The pictures are so
embarrassing, because I was,
“Every time I come like, 12, but I learned so much
home for a holiday, from the whole thing! Shout-
I have my mom, who’s a nurse, out to Myspace for teaching
extract this one blackhead me the importance of crease
that grows in a hard-to-reach blending.” —SAMANTHA S.
spot on my back. Yes, I am 32
years old, and my mom pops
my pimples for me.” —ANN V. “Once, I took my
sock off at my
“I tried to give myself BF’s house after
my very first bikini
wax. I put a wax strip on both
using Baby Foot,
sides of my bikini line and this crazy foot-
ripped one off. The pain was so
A N D R E W M C L E O D/ T R U N K A R C H I V E .

excruciating, I couldn’t bring exfoliating peel,


myself to rip off the other one. and my dead
I ended up having to cut it out
of my hair and live with my skin covered his
lopsided bikini line.” —MARTA T.
floor like snow-
flakes.” —DIANE V.

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

93
P H O T O G R A P H E D B Y C H R I S C R AY M E R .

Not To
When to
Let an Ex
Back In—
and When

95
LOVE

After breaking up
more than three
years ago, the
hottest celeb couple
is officially back on…
and smoldering. Of
course, we’re talking
about Selena Gomez
and Justin Bieber, aka
Jelena. But wait, you
thought we meant
Liam Hemsworth
and Miley Cyrus? Or
maybe Chris Evans
and Jenny Slate?
Yeah, lately there seem to be
lots of former couples, famous
and not, who’ve rekindled
their love (even temporarily).
In fact, one study found nearly
45 percent of people ages 17 to
24 have gotten back together
with an ex at least once. But
how do you know if backslid-
ing is a good or bad idea?
He remembers
Despite that depress- how you like
ing old adage about people your eggs—over
never changing, evidence easy with a side
of snuggles.
suggests that your connection
with someone from the past
actually can transform, given

1
the right set of circumstances.
In fact, exes who reunite
tend to have a higher level of
“intimate self-disclosure” than
couples who are making it
official for the first time, says Do You for a While experience personal growth. “When
Sarah Halpern-Meekin, PhD, If your split is supa-dupa fresh, odds you are still stinging from a breakup,
an associate professor in the are, you’re missing bae like crazy. But be cautious about getting back
School of Human Ecology it’s crucial to give yourself time alone together with your ex, because that
at the University of Wiscon- to recuperate from the relationship- risks ripping open partially healed
sin at Madison. “They’re more ending blow. So, hang with your BFFs. wounds,” says relationship expert Ty
likely to share thoughts,
Take a bunch of splurge-y workout Tashiro, PhD, author of Awkward.
classes. Go on dates with people who If you reconcile right away, you’ll
fears, hopes, and feelings and
are totally different from Ex-y deal with the same BS that irked you
feel bonded in an important McExerson. In short: Get over them! before. But if you put in the solo time
way,” she explains. That might seem counterintuitive, and work, then if/when you two do
Here’s how to size up but research shows that working reconnect, both of you will have more
whether your happily-ever- through the difficulties of a nasty self-reliance and clearer ideas of what
after, version 2.0, is a go. split on your own can help you you want in a romantic partner.

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8 By Jessica Goodman

96
8
*
LOVE

Ex Sex Is a Bad Idea When…


Nearly 44 percent of people say they’ve had sex with an ex,
according to a survey from sex-toy company Adam & Eve.
But sometimes crawling back into the same bed is an awful
idea. Here, four times you shouldn’t revisit that passion.
Don’t let a
nice gesture You’re not They You’re doing You’ve been
fool your totally over only want to it out of swiping for
clothes off! them. bone. spite or to weeks and
Lingering That’s a sign get back at the options
emotional you’re being them for are lame.
attachments used for sex- something. Don’t
might make it ual access That’s just worry—
even harder (and without petty. keep trying
to let go. respect). elsewhere!

3 Assess Their they were annoyingly other parts of ‘grown-

Ask, Is It New Vibe


Sleuth around early in
your re-up to see if your
self-centered before,
ask, “How’s your family
doing?” If you can sense
up’ life, like a job and
finances, aren’t in place,”
says Halpern-Meekin. If

R A C H E L S H I M U S I N G C H A N E L L E V E R N I S . P R O P/ S E T D E S I G N : S A M C O O K F O R K AT E R YA N I N C . M O D E L S : M E L I S S A M A R T I N E Z , Z A C H P I C O T T E . S E E PA G E 1 7 9 F O R
H A I R : F E L I X FI S C H E R U S I N G R I C H H A I R C A R E AT FA C T O R Y D O W N T O W N . M A K EU P : C H A R LO T T E D AY U S I N G D E R M A LO G I C A AT S E E M A N A G E M E N T. M A N I C U R E :
Worth It?
ex’s infuriating habits newfound awareness, your ex was in a rough
are ancient history. “Ask that’s a good sign. sitch during your first
about these things in Also, look at what rodeo but is secure now,
regard to behavior with else is going on in their they may be more will-
No duh, you broke up friends and family,” says life. “People are often ing to give you their all. If
for a reason. Consider if Tashiro. For instance, if reluctant to commit if not, back away slowly.
those same problems
will prevent you from
making it work now.

Move Forward Together


Start with the clear-cut
no-nos: “If your partner
was abusive or a serial
cheater, then 99 per- At this point, you may decide to go moments from the past (when you
cent of the time, avoid for it and dive back in. Get it, girl! were together and, as Ross from
rekindling the flame,” But in order to make this glorious Friends would say, when “we were
says Tashiro. “People’s reunion stick, you have to be will- on a break!”). Then make it a high
personalities remain ing to let some things slide—like priority to discuss what you’ve
remarkably consistent. who or what both of you did while learned from assessing why your
Someone who is cruel you were single, swiping, and on first attempt at harmonious cou-
and emotionally unsta- the prowl for someone else. pledom crashed and burned. Share
ble at age 22 will be the “It’s natural to wonder about what you hope will change this
same at 42.” whether an ex dated or had sex time, and set clear-cut expectations
FA S H I O N C R E D I T S A N D S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N .

But if you dumped with other people, but before inter- for what a healthy partnership
rogating them, ask yourself, What between you two looks like.
your ex because he was
good will that do?” advises Tashiro. Laying groundwork that
immature, he might “If it’s simply to satisfy an impul- makes your connection feel brand
have grown up since. sive curiosity, don’t ask. Little good spankin’ new—even though it’s
Or if you drifted apart comes out of torturous history les- familiar—will help your second
due to distance, differ- sons about your partner’s extra- chapter feel sparkly and clean, like
ent conditions now relationship activities.” a total romantic reset. And if you’ve
could mean it’s worth Instead, make a pact with each made it this far, your reignited
another try. other to start anew and forgive flame will burn bright AF. Q

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

98
Find the SEX

Edge of Glory! minutes on to the average


11 to 13 minutes of foreplay
and about 7 more on to
the average 7 to 8 minutes
of intercourse. And since it
takes most guys around
2 to 4 minutes of P-in-the-V
action to climax and women
often at least 10, edging can
be a game changer.
Before you attempt to

EDGING stretch things out, know


this: “Edging with a part-

FOR ONE ner is tricky because they


need to pause exactly when
Start stimulating you need them to,” says sex
your clitoris
therapist Vanessa Marin,
with your fingers
or a vibrator (many founder of Finishing School,
even have a pulse an online orgasm course
setting that edges for women. “Lingering for
you automatically). even a second longer can
cause you to orgasm.” To
At the same time,
speed up your get it right, during foreplay,
breathing, which ask your partner to pleasure
raises your heart you down there using their
rate and increases fingers or tongue in a pat-
blood flow,
tern (side-to-side, up-and-
says Dawn Serra.
down, or circular motions)
When you feel that feels good. When you
your orgasm sense you’re getting close,
building, back off give a clear verbal sig-
by taking your hand
nal, like “wait,” “stop,” or
or toy away, then
gently press down “ohmygodthat’ssogoodbut
on your clitoris pleasehold.” A few seconds
with your finger or later, have them start again,
touch a different but this time with a dif-
hot spot altogether,
ferent movement pattern
like your nipples or
inner thighs. than before, suggests Serra.
(You can return the favor
In most cases, being a tease is just mean. The one time After a few sec- by bringing your S.O. to the
it’s anything but? During sex. In fact, teasing out pleasure can lead onds, go back at brink and back too.)
it, then repeat until
to an orgasm more over-the-top than a Cardi B verse. Keep up this stop-and-
you can’t help but
LO U I S D E C A M P S / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M .

Enter edging, the practice of purposefully building up to and give in and go oooh go to reboot and boost your
then delaying a climax, so that when you finally do let go, the bliss at last! arousal, and when you can’t
is extra intense. “It creates anticipation, and when you draw that hold out any longer, let your
out, you’re able to savor the final moment so much more,” explains mate bring you all the
sex and relationships coach Dawn Serra. Physically, prolonging a way to orgasm. Or switch to
release means your body has ample time to direct blood flow to the intercourse, slowing down
nerves and muscles in your pelvis and genitals, making those areas on thrusting when one of
supersensitive…and your eventual finish feel even more amazing. you comes close to peaking,
Edging also delivers the coveted perk of more time in the sack. says Marin. The explosive
One study found that women wish they could tack nearly 8 more ending will be worth it. Q

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8 By Julie Vadnal

100
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SEX

But then I felt something


happening down there. Was it
pain? Intense pleasure? It was a
vision-blurring, mind-clearing,
earthshaking sensation. After

What Sex
my heart stopped pounding and
everything came back into focus,
I realized it was an orgasm.
It was exhilarating. Here
was something I never knew my
body could do, considering
I have spinal muscular atrophy, a

Is Like
neuromuscular disease that has
left me in a wheelchair (which
I also nicknamed—Cash, after
Johnny), unable to move my
legs, and with limited strength
and mobility in my arms. In that
moment, though, I felt like I had
just climbed the highest moun-

With a
tain in the world. I felt powerful. The author,
Hannah Soyer,
Now, at 23, I have dates with in Iowa City,
Luke at least three times a where she lives
week, and I make sure I orgasm
each time. Even so, it’s been
tough to overcome my internal-
ized belief that I’m somehow

Disability
undeserving of pleasure, because
society generally believes people
with disabilities are sexless
and desire-free.

Pleasure Knows
No Limits
A large percentage of the Ameri-
can population has a disabil-
The night of my first orgasm was serendipi- ity, and yet we are routinely left
tous. I was a sophomore at the University of out of the cultural conversa-
Iowa, alone in my dorm room with my vibrator, tion about sex and sexuality.
nicknamed Luke Thighwalker. I’d been getting “Some people think about people
to know him steadily over the past couple of with disabilities as childlike or
weeks, but he had yet to hit that sweet spot, if even asexual,” says Maryangel
you know what I mean. García-Ramos Guadiana, a dis-
Since I can’t fully extend my forearms, I had ability-rights activist and diver-
to find the perfect position in my hospital bed sity consultant. “They may think,
so that I could reach Luke down to my clitoris. Ooh, they’re so cute or that we
That night, he slipped through my fingers and must have needs that are more
fell on top of me but just out of reach. important than sex.”
I thought about texting my helper—a pal Add in the fact that many
who assisted me in showering, making food, people have such a narrow defini-
and getting dressed—to have her come in from tion of sex—a penis in a vagina—
where she was waiting in the hallway. Luke and it makes intimacy seem out
would still be buzzing, but there was nothing I of reach for those who lack the
could do. And it’s not like she didn’t know what ability to have traditional inter-
I was up to....She’s the one who’d propped me course. As someone who’s been
up in bed in the first place. #RealFriend blessed with a high libido, I can

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8 By Hannah Soyer

108
assure you that we crave and dystrophy limits her range of Dedicated Intimacy
need sexual pleasure, and we’re motion and requires her to use Experiencing pleasure as a per-
immensely enjoying the kinds of an electric scooter and ventila- son with disabilities requires a
sex we are having. We just have tor. But she can breathe easily lot of trust too. Many of us can’t
to get a little more creative than through her tracheotomy tube simply walk out of a house or
able-bodied women. while orally satisfying her able- apartment, like others may after
“You have to, when you can’t bodied husband as he lies on a A B O UT a one-night stand—we need

77
throw someone on a bed and get massage table. And Carole still someone who can help us. “You’re
on top of them,” says Zoe T.*, 37, loves missionary, even though completely dependent on a sexual
from Sacramento, who also has she can’t move when lying down: partner, all the way down to their
spinal muscular atrophy. She’s “My body wasn’t made for walk- M I LLI O N cleaning you up afterward,” says
learned through trial and error ing—but it is made for orgasms!” U.S. adults Josette U., 33, of Phoenix, who
that she can orgasm by contract- That’s not to say that any of have a dis- has significantly shortened arms
ing her stomach muscles as she this is easy. And spontaneity? It’s ability, and legs from a condition called
pushes against them with her not possible. “Sex takes a lot of defined as a tetraphocomelia. “So yeah, there
hands. And if her able-bodied planning for us,” says Michelle physical has to be a lot of trust there.”
or mental
wife lies on a high surface like a K., 32, of Indianapolis, who has Jessika K., 31, of Fort Lau-
impairment
kitchen counter or picnic table spinal muscular atrophy. She derdale, who’s been paralyzed
that sub-
(yes, that’s actually happened), can’t just spring a quickie on her stantially since age 26, knows this well.
Zoe can stay in her wheelchair husband, since it often helps for limits one Her boyfriend, Rey, who also
and go down on her. her to use a BDSM strap to hold or more life has a spinal-cord injury, some-
Carole Z., 53, of Maui, uses her legs up while she hangs par- activities. times gives her a full-body mas-
a similar tactic. Her muscular tially over the bed. SOURCE: CDC sage before sex to prevent her
muscles from spasming during
their session. And the sex itself
could trigger Jessika’s autonomic
dysreflexia (AD)—a sudden onset
of extremely high blood pressure
in response to being externally
or internally stimulated. AD can
“We crave and cause hives, profuse sweating, and
difficulty breathing, and if not
need sexual pleasure.... addressed quickly, it can be fatal.
We just have to get So Rey always keeps an eye out
a little more creative for hives. “It’s not going to stop
me from having sex,” says Jessika.
than able-bodied “We just learn to work around it.”
women.” Personally, I may not be hav-
ing intercourse or busting out a
BDSM strap with a partner (yet),
but I can get myself off, and I’m
confident that I’m more sexu-
ally satisfied than some of my
able-bodied friends. Having an
orgasm takes dedication for
me, and it may take even more
as time goes on and my muscles
P H O T O G R A H E D B Y M A R Y M AT H I S .

get weaker. But I’m not going


to stop my dates with Luke,
considering how much liberation
and autonomy over my body sex
has given me. And when I decide
to trade in a piece of silicone
for another person, they’ll need
to have some serious creativity—
and a high libido—too. Q

*Name has been changed. C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

103
all about
men
“The Most
Important
Thing a Decode His
Woman Bookshelf
Taught Me Eighty-five percent of singles
in Bed...” believe being well-read is
sexy, according to a survey
by dating site EliteSingles.
Uncover what his fave type
“‘It’s a marathon, of reads says about him.
not a sprint.’ This is
easily the most
important thing I’ve
learned from a
woman—not that Biographies
going fast and hard He’s interested in
is necessarily bad, learning about how other
but that going people think, so he’s
a hundred percent probably a great listener,
says Pamela Rutledge,
porn-star, jackham- PhD, director of the Media
mer-style for five Psychology Research
minutes isn’t the Center in Newport
way to do it.” Beach, California.
—AARON, 28

Sci-Fi
As a nonconformist,
“I learned early he has interests that veer
on the importance away from mainstream
of foreplay and that trends, so it’s likely he’s
it can be even down to do new, kooky
better than sex.” things. Feel free to
—PETE, 28 suggest a far-out date
idea you’ve wanted
to try.

“To not be afraid to


take charge some- Current
times. I assumed Affairs
no woman would be He’s an intellectual
who’s looking to expand
into that, but some his knowledge base,
are. You just need says Rutledge. School
to let her tell you him on a thing or two
that. It opened my he doesn’t already
eyes a lot.” know.
—JIM, 27
THE LOVE COACH
M AT T H E W H U S S E Y

Self-Help
Odds are, there’s a
specific objective
he really wants to accom- 1 2 3 4
plish or he’s in a
deep self-examination He plans a He celebrates He goes to He ties
phase. Tell him your own trip with you your quirks. your family his ambitions
goals and he may help months When a man has stuff. to you.
you grow as an in advance. truly fallen for Any guy can ask If he articulates
individual too. If he’s locking you, he embraces you to tag along that he’s hustling
in a summer the silly dance with his own at work to afford
vacation, he’s no moves you do in family’s plans. But things you two
longer hedging his the kitchen while if he’s down to can share, it’s a
bets when you cooking, for attend your little sweet sign he
talk about future example. And FYI: sister’s play, wants to achieve
events. He clearly He melts a little it’s because he his goals as
wants to be when he thinks wants to see you part of a vision
a part of them. about them. happy. that involves you.

Download Matthew’s free guide of compliments that will


make a guy fall hard at SayThisToHim.com/Cosmo.

Thrillers
It could be that
this guy is an adrenaline
junkie who gets
off on taking risks...or
maybe he just likes a
problem to solve. Either
way, suggest an
adventurous
date. THE PERCENTAGE OF
DUDES WHO FEEL THAT
CONFIDENCE IS THE
MOST ADMIRABLE
TAY LO R A N D R E W S , FAY E B R E N N A N , D A N I E L L E K A M , A N D
G I A M PA O LO S G U R A / T R U N K A R C H I V E . R E P O R T I N G B Y

DU DE DEF I N ITION

Broacher noun \ bro-ch r \


A guy who never seems to approach a girl on his
own but easily poaches anyone his friends are
talking to. He’s kind of like that pal you have who will
F R A N K KO B O L A .

go after any hottie you even dare look at. *eye roll*

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

103
LOVE

Ask Him Anything


Love advice from our guy guru, Logan Hill

“This may be
the champagne
talking, but
will you be my
sugar mama?”

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

106
On a second date, I paid My fiancé just got back
for our bar tab, which from a bachelor party,
was pretty high. My date and I found a text from a
then asked me how girl on his phone. He
much money I make. swears that nothing
Why does he care? happened. Is he lying?
A_ The real question is, why A_ Unless you have Wonder
the hell would he even ask that? The guy I’ve been Woman’s Lasso of Truth, there’s
It’s just plain crass and taste- no surefire way to catch a man
less. Sure, men can be curious seeing has the in a lie like this. You can call
about your income, and every the girl directly, talk to his
couple should have frank con- worst breath! friends, or ask him for details
versations about money. But a few times and see if his story
on date number two? That’s How do I break it changes, but none of those
bad manners, and it suggests techniques is foolproof. This
he may be either insecure or a to him gently? comes down to trust. Tell him
gold digger. Let’s hope he was that if he fesses up right now,
just drunk on all those rounds you might be able to work
you bought him. through it, but if you learn the
truth later, not even a super-
I have trouble hero can save his ass.
approaching cute men
in public places. How do I get my mate to
What are some casual cuddle me more after
things I can say that sex? He just reaches for
they’ll respond to? his phone instead! Ugh.
A_ I am a huge fan of the sim- A_ Post-orgasm, men are
ple line, and I think other dudes dumbstruck. Our brains just go
are too. So try: “Hi, I’m Kim. blank, and we don’t know
What’s up?” There’s no need to what to do with ourselves. Now,
get cute. Just ask a question: smartphones are making us
What’s your name? Have you even stupider. So, be direct. Tell
had the burger here? Do you him you feel disrespected and
think this bartender knows how a little used when he goes from
C O U P L E : J E N N I F E R R O B B I N S / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T. M I N T S : J A M I E C H U N G / T R U N K A R C H I V E .

to make a good Manhattan? For sexing to surfing so fast. Some


guys, a straightforward intro cuddling is just part of the deal,
will signal that you’re inter- and a little undivided attention
ested, and that’s all we need to “Take one of is the least you deserve.
pick up where you leave off. these…or
all of them!”
I ended things with a
I think a lot of my BF’s hookup buddy recently,
jokes are inappropriate, A_ Men don’t talk grooming but I had sent him a lot
and they turn me off. or personal hygiene with each of sexts. Do guys delete
How do I tell him? other like women do, so we’re or keep photos of people
A_ Some dudes think the only generally happy when women they’ve been with?
way to be funny is to get filthy. Logan Hill has give us helpful tips (once we get A_ Some delete, others keep
dated around,
But there’s a difference between hooked up, grown
beyond the initial embarrass- nudes as naughty keepsakes or
edgy and gross, and most men up, screwed up, ment). You’re not being mean, personal porn, and d-bags
and settled down,
aren’t as brilliant at pushing so he knows what
you’re just noting an area for collect and share sexts. Assume
boundaries as Chris Rock. So, he’s talking about. improvement, so be clear and the worst. Then remind him to
See more of
you can tell your boyfriend to his insightful
kind. Give him a mint, or say do the right thing: “I hope you’ll
cut it out, or maybe it’s worth answers to your something like “Babe, I like respect my privacy and delete
love dilemmas
finding a guy who actually at Cosmopolitan
almost everything about you… the fun sexts I sent you while
makes you laugh. .com. but your breath.” we were dating.” ■

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

105
sex When I

Q+A
Honest answers to your most private questions
masturbate,
I fantasize
about other
women, but
I’m straight!
What’s
going on?
A_ “It’s natural to have erotic
thoughts about any type
of person,” says sex educator
Sari Locker, PhD, author of
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to
Amazing Sex. “The partners
you choose to be with in real
life may be quite different from
the people who pop into your
fantasies.” The truth is that
most people have had arousing
thoughts about being with
You do various genders, regardless of
you, girl!
how they identify sexually. Your
mind’s just exploring—there’s
no need to overanalyze.

Could I get pregnant


from having sex without
a condom while I have
my period?
A_ If you’re truly menstruating
(as in, the lining of your uterus
is shedding around two weeks
after you ovulate), then no, says
ob-gyn Lauren Streicher, MD,
medical director of the Center
for Sexual Medicine and Meno-
pause at Northwestern Memo-
rial Hospital, in Chicago. That
said, when many women see
blood, they assume “period,”
even though it could be irregu-
lar bleeding or spotting mid-
cycle—both instances in which
sperm could infiltrate one
of your eggs. To avoid le bébé,
wrap it up at all times.

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8 By Julie Vadnal

108
SEX

I heard weed is an E-mail your Can I really get arrested


sex questions
aphrodisiac. True? to SexQandA
for having sex in public?
A_ The jury’s still out. A @Cosmopolitan A_ Yup. “In most states, pub-
.com.
recent study in the Journal of lic sex is a misdemeanor crime,
Sexual Medicine found that which means you could poten-
frequent pot smokers have tially pay a fine and spend up
about 20 percent more sex to a year in jail,” says Deborah
than nonusers. And while England, a civil-rights attorney
certain strains of marijuana in San Francisco. Take note
and weed-laced lubes are though: Not all states have the
purported to heighten desire, same definition of what public
it has yet to be proven. “We entails (in some, backseat bon-
know that cannabis works ing isn’t a huge offense; in oth-
on the brain and impacts ers, it could get you arrested).
neurotransmitters, which So…while doing it where you
may, in turn, impact libido,” might be seen is sexy in theory,
says Dr. Streicher. “So it’s it’s risky in reality.
not out of the realm of
scientific reason.” Any thoughts about a
great way to turn myself
I love a suction vibe, but on…that’s not porn? What’s the best (and
sometimes they leave A_ Although some 20 percent most fun!) position for a
me feeling so sensitive. scan to buy of millennials incorporate porn quickie with my guy?
What’s a gentler option? into their sex lives, accord- A_ When you don’t have a ton
A_ Try the Womanizer Plus ing to a 2017 Skyn Condoms of time, try the upright-doggie
Size, a plaything that uses air- survey, you can also be the position, says Locker. While
pressure wave technology to director of your own steamy standing and holding or lean-
deliver the same oh-so-good scenes. Simply script intimate ing onto a piece of furniture
sucking sensation without scenarios in your mind, as if (a bedpost, kitchen counter,
W O M A N : J E N N I F E R R O B B I N S / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T. C O U P L E : B E T H S T U D E N B E R G / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.

needing to touch your clitoris you’re writing an erotic story, bathroom sink—even a wall),
directly (don’t worry, you can suggests Locker. Think up a bend over and have your man
still have the toy completely titillating buildup, climax, enter you from behind. You’ll
encircle your C-spot if that’s and conclusion, then fill in the feel him super deep and get
your preference). The gadget R-rated details as you go. We’ll G-spot stimulation, but you’ll
has 12 different levels of inten- help you get started: You’re sit- also have a hand free to rub
sity, so you can control how Womanizer ting pretty on a tropical beach, your clitoris (a notable perk,
Plus Size,
mild or wildly potent you want $103, amazon
when an en fuego stranger since most women need this
your stimulation to be. .com walks over with two mai tais.… type of action to orgasm).

X-rated sexts, love notes, a little flash of skin, or any other seductive moves or mind
tricks you can do before actually physically touching your lover. “Sex may not even
be on your radar when you wake up in the morning, but beforeplay, or pre-foreplay,
WTF IS... puts it top of mind and makes it easier to stay turned on once things get going,”
Beforeplay? says sexologist Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily podcast. Odds are, you’ve
been doing this without even realizing it. Next time you want to consciously give it
all you’ve got, try this: Send your boo a “Bring the handcuffs” text in anticipation of
date night, or make coffee for two…in only your undies, suggests Morse.

Open your Amazon App


Tap on the camera icon
Choose SmileCode
Scan and shop!
C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

109
Dating &
Mating With
Esther Perel

Why Odd
So Well

There’s a
reason your
connection
is so
magnetic.

Way back when, it was the philosopher often what’s initially attractive because it is dif-
Plato who said that we all gravitate ferent later becomes a source of conflict. The
toward romantic partners who make key is to get to a place where you learn to appre-
us feel complete. These people tend to be ciate each other’s skill sets without judging
our opposites—or at least, very different from us— yourself. Here’s how.
because we’re enticed by the attributes they have
that we don’t. By coupling with them, we feel more EMBRACE YOUR DISSIMILARITIES
whole in parts of ourselves that are less developed. In the management of opposing characteristics,
Sometimes, though, those parts are also the partners can teach each other things in power-
ones that we have an inner conflict with. For ful, positive ways. And a healthy couple recog-
example, if you’re a homebody, you may find nizes that a push and pull is needed to help one
yourself drawn to someone who loves to social- another with the tasks you’re each less comfort-
ize because they help you get out more…but able with. So start by spending some time iden-
inside, you may also wish you possessed a more tifying your different traits and how you can
outgoing personality in the first place. both benefit from them. For instance, if you’re
In this way, your partner’s attributes may shy about your opinions and your significant
ignite your vulnerabilities. The irony is that other always speaks their mind, they can show

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

110
LOVE

LOVE QUIZ
Are You
Just Too
Different?
1 2 3
Do you freak out
when you two
disagree or voice
different
preferences?
YES
When you spend
time apart, are
you worried
your partner will
find someone
else more like
Do you see your
S.O.’s strengths
as a reflection
of your own
weaknesses?
YES
If you answered
mostly yes,
your differences are
hurting your confi-
dence in yourself
and your relation-
ship. Concentrate
If you answered
mostly no,
big dissimilarities in
your relationship
aren’t stressful to
your sense of self, so
you two have a good
NO them? NO on the things that shot at going the
YES brought you distance. Own this
NO
together, and ana- by frequently verbal-
lyze whether there’s izing the parts of
enough there to your mate that you
stay that way. love and appreciate.

To make your differences work, you’ll need to keep


acknowledging and appreciating your opposing natures.
you how to stick up for yourself. In return, you STRIKE A HAPPY BALANCE
can teach them how to listen more effectively. To make your differences work for your bond
Or if they’re a big spender and you’re more con- long-term, you’ll need to keep acknowledg-
scious of saving, your mate can encourage you to ing and appreciating your opposing natures.
splurge, and you can help them stay financially You can do this in two ongoing steps. First,
stable. Another typical complementarity is a risk understand that your mate who might be able
taker paired with someone more cautious. to pull off an exquisite dinner party for
15 people in two days may also be the same
REMEMBER THE SPARK person who’s messy. You might like one of those
The main conflict of being opposites is that, traits, but you can’t just erase the other. In
after you’ve been together for a while, you may order to get past the parts that irk you,
find that you end up getting annoyed by your you must double-down on admiring and
differences or particularities. When couples respecting the parts you adore.
Esther Perel is
come to me with this problem, the first thing a sex and Second, be confident in your own strengths
I always ask them is “What initially drew you relationships and abilities that are unique to you, and recog-
therapist, author,
to each other?” Usually, their responses are and the host of nize that when your lover’s differing traits are
along the lines of, “At first, I loved the fact that the Audible frustrating you, you don’t have to take on that
original series
she would push me to take risks. Now I’m like, Where Should We burden, physically or emotionally.
leave me alone already!” Or “I appreciated that Begin? With So if you’re particularly neat but your sig-
Esther Perel. Her
he wanted to spend all his time with me, but TED Talks on nificant other is totally disorganized, you don’t
recently, I feel like I’m being suffocated.” desire and infidelity always have to step in to lend a hand or partici-
have been
In most cases, the very thing you’re fight- viewed nearly pate in their chaos. Instead, actively choose to
ing about months or years in is the same thing 20 million times. go do something that regulates you and your
Her latest book,
about your lover you were enthralled by in The State of Affairs, own personality. Take a jog, watch a movie, or
I L LU S T R AT I O N B Y J O S E F E R N A N D E Z .

the beginning of your relationship. If this is is a New York Times go out for lunch with a friend. You may live side
best seller.
happening, I urge you to try to remember by side, but you’re not the same person. Their
what you saw in each other in the early days. messy area of the room is not yours, and your
It’s important to reconnect with that initial meticulous oasis is not theirs. When you both
attraction and remember why and how it was realize this truth, it will make it easier for you
that your differences were so alluring and to accept each other for exactly who you are—
intoxicating when you were newly dating. I differences and all—without either person try-
call it owning your choice. ing to change the other. ■

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

111
THE
future
( sex
OF

*
A handful of
tech-savvy
women are
revolutionizing
pleasure. See
what they have
in store for you.
BY FAY E B R E N N A N
P H O T O G R A P H E D BY A L L I E H O L L O WAY

female
IS
SEX

I’m sitting in the brightly lit offices of global


sex-toy brand Fun Factory on what I hear is a
rare sunny day in Bremen, Germany.
Alina Eynck, 23, the was founded in 1996 by As a result, the $15
company’s newest (and two guys making dildos billion adult-toy biz is
youngest) designer, is out of Play-Doh in their quickly morphing from
graciously walking me kitchens.) “Men aren’t a male-dominated
through the process using these products empire to an even more
of how she designed Mr. themselves, so I don’t valuable vulva-pleasing,
Boss ($95, funfactory think there’s been a lot of women-for-women H OW YO U
.com)—a vibrator that’s thought on how the toys industry. “The demand C A N H E LP
curved specifically to interact with women’s for better products, accu- SHAPE THE
stimulate a woman’s bodies or what makes rate content, and educa- FUTURE
G-spot. I nod in approval us feel sexy.” That’s why tion has created a huge
as she describes how she many vibes focus on two change,” explains Meika Your voice
got the size, shape, things—penetration or Hollender, cofounder and as a consumer
of arousing
and flexibility just right. shaking hard (aka what co-CEO of the sexual-
accessories
Then Eynck’s boss, a man assumes feels wellness brand Sustain is a powerful
Simone Kalz, 44, amazing to a woman)— Natural and author of the force…and one
shows me her latest cre- and why a lot of them are new book Get on Top. that sex-toy
ation: The Volta ($140, ergonomically hard to “By pulling back the cur- designers are
funfactory.com), a clitoral hold or made of toxic or tains and having open, eager to hear.
stimulator that flutters sketchy materials. honest, and real conver- Whenever you
purchase a new
faster than my eyes can Coming in (super) hot: sations about sex, the
plaything for
follow. I’d just toured the a new squad of female taboos and stigmas are yourself, make
company’s actual factory, designers, like Eynck and lifting on sex technology.” sure to post
where I witnessed about a Kalz, who are using “Women are now cre- a review online,
hundred employees and a modern technology to ating toys that are really or if you’re
dozen machines bringing reinvent adult playthings thoughtful and based on shopping
Mr. Boss and The Volta to cater to women’s com- their own experiences,” at a brick-and-
mortar store
to life, and it’s clear that fort, complex arousal pro- adds Sinclair. And those
like Babeland,
these two humble women cesses, and erogenous hot toys are being marketed give the sales
should have way bigger spots. Since 2015, more in sex-positive, inclusive, clerk direct
egos. They don’t seem to than 100 women from all and empowering ways. feedback about
get how major they are over the world have joined Personally, as an edi- your experi-
or that they’re pioneers in Women of Sex Tech, a tor who’s covered sex for ence. Your sug-
a female-led pleasure community for sex-toy seven years, I couldn’t gestion may
lead to the
quest revolutionizing sex company founders, execu- be more excited for this
next orgasmic
as we know it. tives, and other girl feminist revolution…and invention.
“The sex brands bosses. And major manu- you should be too. Read
most people are aware facturers have started to on to learn how five nota-
of were created by men,” hire a lot more women (at ble fempreneurs in the
says certified sex educa- press time, 62 percent of adult market are about
tor Alicia Sinclair. (Case Fun Factory employees to deliver you a way more
in point: Fun Factory were female). pleasurable future.

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

113
Polly Rodriguez
31, CEO and cofounder
of Unbound, a sex-positive
company that sells vibes
and lubes, offers a
quarterly subscription-box
service, and publishes con-
tent about sexual wellness
Why She Does It “When I
was 21 years old, I was
diagnosed with colon can-
cer. Because of the radiation
treatment, I was going
through early menopause,
and a nurse friend sug-
gested buying a vibrator and
lubricant for my flagging
libido. I went to an adult
store, and the experience
was so embarrassing, gross,
and seedy, it always stuck
with me. I started Unbound
to be like a Warby Parker for
sexually active feminists.”
Her Best Work The
Gem ($29, unboundbabes
.com, 1 ) is an eco-friendly,
nonporous, hypoallergenic TO SEE HOW a sex toy is made, visit
glass dildo that’s designed Cosmopolitan.com/Cosmo-Fun-Factory-Tour.
for G-spot and anal play.

Tech That Makes TE LE D I LD O N I C S V I D E O R E CO R D I N G


You Go Oooh Bluetooth compatibility lets your long-
distance lover control your vibrator’s
For a never-before-seen view of your O,
the internal vibe The Svakom Sex Selfie
Behold the crazy-cool, intensity and speed from afar in real time Stick ($155, lovehoney.com) uses the
fem-friendly advance- small, illuminated video
ments coming to bed- Try We-Vibe’s Sync ($199, camera on its tip to film
side drawers worldwide. we-vibe.com). the inside action.

Open your Amazon App


Tap on the camera icon
Choose SmileCode
Scan and shop!
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114
SEX

Alexandra 1

Fine and Janet Alicia Sinclair


Lieberman Ti Chang scan to buy
37, founder of COTR, a par-
ent company to B-Vibe,
29 and 32, cofounders
of Dame Products, which 2
was born on Kickstarter
and makes discreet
S T Y L I S T: W E N DY S C H E L A H / H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S . N A I L S : M I S S P O P U S I N G E S S I E . H A I R : R O S I B E L U S I N G R + C O P R O D U C T S . FI N E A N D

playthings for couples to


use seamlessly during body-safe silicones
foreplay and intercourse
Why They Do It
JA N E T: “It made no sense
to me that you could spend
$150 on something and have were treating female and take this really classic,
L I E B E R M A N : S E T H C A P L A N . C H A N G : C ATA L I N A K U LC Z A R . R O D R I G U E Z : S A R A H J A N E G R A DY.

it maybe not work at all. I orgasms almost as a joke or 3 iconic sex machine that
felt cheated, and I wanted to novelty. Like, ‘Oh, put this everyone knows about and
make a difference.” bunny rabbit or dolphin make it look sleek, sexy, and
A L E X : “For me, the brand- inside of you.…’ Or they were hotter to women. To be
ing in this space wasn’t lin- all male-centric and penis- honest with you, I’m creat-
ing up with my experiences. shaped. It’s not always about ing products in a way that
I don’t want to see a perfect the D! I decided to make I wish they would be devel-
model on the box or some- vibrators out of high-quality oped. Like, how is it possible
thing that suggests sex is a materials that look good, that someone doesn’t make
naughty, nighttime thing.” feel good, and fit into a these items look nice?”
Their Best Work The tiny woman’s life.” 4 Her Best Work Le Wand
Eva ($105, amazon.com, Her Best Work With two Pearl White Rechargeable
2 ) has flexible wings that bendable tips that conform Massager ($170, lewand
fit under your labia so you to the unique contours of massager.com, 4) has
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How to
Tell Your
Mate
#MeToo
Since October, the
#MeToo movement
has dominated social
media—and our
cultural conversation—
for good reason.
The scope of sexual It might be a
misconduct in this fraught talk,
country is enormous. but he should
One in four women is a victim always have
your back.
of sexual violence, according
to CDC data, and 84 percent of
people say sexual harassment is
a constant feature of American
workplaces, per an exclusive
Cosmo-SurveyMonkey poll.
And as high-profile allegations
keep surfacing in the news,
millions of women are reliving
their own experiences, and
some are wondering how
to talk about them…not on
Twitter or FB but at home.
Tackling #MeToo—and the
anger, confusion, and heart-
ache the topic may provoke—
with your partner can be tough,
says relationship therapist 1 Set an Objective what he thinks about it. “This
Laura Berman, PhD, host of Pre-talk, think about is kind of a litmus test,” says
R O B E R T W H I T M A N / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M .

Uncovered Radio, a national what you want to get out of clinical psychologist Megan
show about life and love. “If the discussion. Maybe news Fleming, PhD, a sex and rela-
it goes well, it can bring you headlines are pissing you off so tionship expert in New York
closer together. But if your mate much that you need to vent or City. “It gauges his overall atti-
doesn’t get where you’re coming you feel it’s time to tell your guy tude and thoughts.” In other
from or if he’s not empathetic, your personal story. Once you words, if he responds in a way
it can cause tension or even nail down an intention, find a that makes you feel supported
a rift.” Read on for how to have quiet, relaxed setting. (e.g., “It’s amazing that these
this convo, whether you’re a Then bring up the latest women are coming forward”),
#MeToo survivor or not. public scandal, and ask him you know you have a safe space

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8 By Stacey Colino

116
LOVE & SEX

2 Explain What
You Need
Next, if you feel ready, share
your objective with your guy.
Be clear that you want his ear,
support, understanding, and
empathy, as opposed to advice
or evaluation, says clinical psy-
chologist Debra Borys, PhD,
who specializes in treating
trauma in Los Angeles. “Most
men are socialized to approach
communication about prob-
lems in an immediate,
action-oriented way by giving
suggestions about what to do.
Setting expectations prepares
him to simply listen and be sup-
portive.” Declaring your inten-
tions also helps your partner

INTIMACY see that you’re looking to him as


an ally, rather than the enemy.
AFTER TRAUMA This process worked for
Jandra S., 28, a writer from
Being a #MeToo survivor doesn’t Nashville, Tennessee. After
doom you to an unsatisfying sex the #MeToo hashtag went
life. Follow these steps to reclaim viral, she felt ready to tell her
your sexuality in your own time. husband about her personal
Talk About It Move Slowly sexual-assault story. She started
Either in therapy Together by saying she was glad to see
or with a trusted “Start with cud- people coming forward but also
partner. “This dling and kissing,
releases any feel- then graduate to sad that so many women are
ings of shame or mutual massage to suffering. “I approached it with
self-blame,” says build trust and honesty,” she explains, “and
Laura Berman, comfort,” says Bar-
PhD. It also helps
I didn’t ask him for anything
bach. If that feels
you process your good, you can other than just to listen.”
feelings. move on to below-
the-belt foreplay. Share Your Story
Rediscover 3
Solo Pleasure Take the Lead If, like Jandra, you
Spend time doing Before you have a specific experience you
any physical activ- attempt inter-
ity that helps you course, let your want to bring up, be direct
feel more power- mate know what and say, “This is hard for me to
ful and in control you like and what talk about because it’s upset-
of your body, sug- areas are espe- ting, but.…” Then explain what
gests clinical psy- cially sensitive for
chologist Lonnie you. “If you have happened to you. In Jandra’s
Barbach, PhD, flashbacks, have case, she told her mate about
cofounder of the him just hold you the time she was dancing at a
Happy Couple or not even touch
app. Then prog- you,” says Debra Calvin Harris concert and a
ress to sensual Borys, PhD. Know- stranger shoved his hand down
experiences, like ing that you can her skirt and tried to fondle
applying lotion stop will help you
naked or gentle regain a sense of her. As requested, her husband
masturbation. sexual safety. just listened…and has been
empathetic in their follow-up
conversations.

117
LOVE & SEX

work and why. (Sometimes, it’s


easier for guys to talk about
hyper-specific situations than
abstract ideas, says Howes.)
Also, know that you don’t
need to divulge every detail of

#IWILLSPEAKUP
your #MeToo moment at once.
Sharing in stages can work just
as well. When Rachel D., 27, an
image consultant in NYC, had
her ass slapped and grabbed
by a client, she confronted the
When you man—then told her boyfriend
can see eye right away. What she didn’t
to eye on reveal was that, after the inci-
this subject,
everyone dent, the client refused to pay
benefits. her unless she met with him in
person. She refused and was
never paid. It wasn’t until more
than a year later, when the
#MeToo movement began, that
Rachel told her BF the rest of
the story. “He was outraged but
also proud that I took control of
the situation,” she says.

6 Look to the Future


If you feel like you’ve
accomplished your objectives
4 Brace for Bumps statements—and pick it up and gotten the support you
Ideally, your partner again later. Remember that need, you can move forward
will also respond with under- your perspective might be for- together by suggesting what
standing and support—but eign to your partner (and vice your mate can do to help. “I
there is a chance that he won’t. versa) or he might feel help- told my husband he can tell
If instead he is judgmental, less, so it may take a few tries to his friends when a behavior
condescending, or dismissive get your feelings across. Often, is unacceptable and encour-
or makes light of you or the vic- emotionally complex topics age others to treat women with
tim in the situation you’re dis- have learning curves—it’s rare respect,” says Jandra.
cussing, try to show curiosity to be fluent in them right away. If, on the other hand, over
about where he’s coming from, time and several talks, your
says Fleming. Then explain 5 Keep the partner isn’t empathetic or sup-
how his responses make you Convo Open portive, know this: “That’s not a
feel, using “I” statements. For Just like you would do when good thing in terms of the rela-
Many men
example: “I’m not sure you talking about politics or reli- tionship’s longevity,” says Chris-
are now
understand how I feel about gion, you can make it a point to tine Nicholson, PhD, a clinical
using this
this” or “I feel hurt that you’re revisit sexual misconduct peri- psychologist in Kirkland, Wash-
R O B E R T W H I T M A N / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M .

hashtag to
focusing on what I [or the vic- odically to ensure you’re see- ington. It could be that he has
support
tim] might have done, rather ing eye to eye for the long haul, blind prejudices about women
#MeToo
than holding this guy respon- says Lewis Howes, author of or he’s confused about his own
survivors.
sible for his behavior.” The Mask of Masculinity. If, #MeToo moment as the victim
It might feel grating to for instance, your first attempt or perp. If you don’t both com-
remain calm, but pouncing on ended in an argument, you can mit to addressing the reason,
him angrily won’t further the try a different tactic next time, you may be in for a rocky road,
conversation. That said, you perhaps by bringing up behav- says Nicholson. And you’ll need
can take a break—especially iors you and he find accept- to decide whether you want to
if your guy blows off your “I” able versus unacceptable at stay or go. Q

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

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124
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health
Q “Does having big Q “My period blood
boobs mean sometimes looks
that I’m more likely to black. Could something
get breast cancer?” be wrong with me?”
A_ Nope. There is no evidence A_ Black or dark brown men-
that your risk increases with strual blood is common—and
bra size. That said, having larger not something to stress about.
breasts can make self-exams When your uterine lining sheds
more challenging, since there is and you start to bleed, some of
just more tissue to inspect. That’s that builds up in the uterus or
why it’s important to get familiar cervix. Later, when it flows out
with how your chest looks and your vagina, it can appear SOURCE: JENNIFER
feels and keep an eye out for darker than “fresh” bright red ASHTON, MD, OB-GYN
AND ABC NEWS CHIEF
any changes in size or shape. If blood. Totally normal.

ing at Johns Hopkins Medicine.


Logging fewer than six hours also
screws with your short-term
memory…meaning that intense
cramming may not help much.
“You need sleep to help your
brain process, store, and consoli-
date information,” says Dr. Salas.
If you must work through the wee
hours, try drinking a cup of coffee
sometime around midnight, then
Pulling an lism in healthy 20somethings,”
says Rachel Salas, MD, associate
immediately taking a 20-minute
power nap. The caffeine should
All-Nighter professor of neurology and nurs- kick in just as you’re waking up.

You’ll Just
Live Don’t

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

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Gyno Report

Abortion’s
Next Frontier:
Video Chat
Imagine this: You are pregnant but
don’t want to be. The nearest abortion
provider is 300 miles away, and you don’t have
enough vacation days or money for an overnight
trip. So you drive to your local health clinic
and meet with a nurse. He gives you an ultra-
sound and blood test. Then together, you video-
chat a doctor who provides abortions and who
could be sitting clear across the state. You talk to
the MD for a while. She reviews your medical
info and confirms that you’re a good candidate
for a medication abortion, an early-pregnancy
termination via two small pills. She authorizes
the nurse to give you the meds. You swallow
the first tablet as they watch. Then you go home
and, later, take the second pill. After a day or
two, you’re no longer pregnant.
Although this may sound like a sci-fi scene,
it’s already playing out in more than 10 U.S.
states—and the process, called telemedicine
abortion, could soon become a game changer
for millions of people. Despite the fact that
abortion is legal in all 50 states (thank you, Roe
v. Wade), politicians have been chipping away
at access for years, imposing harsh regulations complications than many common mood drugs
(e.g., long waiting periods, insurance coverage and pain relievers—yet you can’t just grab an Rx
limits) on the procedure and who can perform from your doctor and roll up to a pharmacy to
one. Today, some 90 percent of U.S. counties pick it up. Yup, politics again: The pill must be
have zero abortion providers. dispensed at a clinic, hospital, or MD’s office, and
In 2000, hope arrived in the form of mifepris- to stock it, that facility must be willing to invite
tone, the so-called abortion pill. Taken with a potential political protests or violence.
drug called misoprostol, it’s FDA-approved Here’s where telemedicine comes in: It allows
to end pregnancies that are up to 10 weeks along a patient to meet with an abortion provider even
(after that, a surgical procedure is required). The if she doesn’t live near one. Instead of driving
combo works by blocking progesterone, the hor- long distances, women can go to a closer clinic or
mone your body needs to sustain pregnancy, then Planned Parenthood and video-chat a live, some-
prompting your uterus to empty. Mifepristone where-in-state abortion provider who prescribes
has a stellar safety record—with far lower rates of and (virtually, via on-site clinic staff) hands over

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8 By Jennifer Gerson Uffalussy

128
WELLNESS

cine effort, also led by Dr. Grossman, found that


it decreased second-trimester abortions in the
state’s clinics (a good thing, since later surgical
procedures do carry some increased risks).
Other groups are also pioneering ways to
increase access to safe abortions. The research
organization Gynuity Health Projects is run-
ning a program in four states (Hawaii, Maine,
Oregon, and Washington) that lets women
video-chat a doctor and then receive the pills
in the mail, along with instructions. “When I
meet with patients in their home, they feel a lot
safer,” says ob-gyn Ghazaleh Moayedi, DO, a
fellow in the Division of Family Planning at the
University of Hawaii John A. Burns School of
Medicine, which is collaborating with Gynu-
ity. Through telemedicine, she’s been able to see

90
women on six Hawaiian Islands, only two of
which have abortion clinics.
Since Planned Parenthood opened its pilot
telemedicine-abortion program in Iowa in
2008, 19 states have passed laws that say mife-
PERCENT pristone must be dispensed in the physical pres-
OF U.S. ence of the prescribing clinician. As in, doc’s
COUNTIES gotta be in the room, not onscreen. Neverthe-
HAVE NO less, the org is planning to roll out programs in
at least 10 new locations (some in new states)
ABORTION
this year. (The group, which is not the only one
PROVIDER. running such programs, declined to say which
SOURCE: PERSPECTIVES ON
SEXUAL AND REPRODUCTIVE
HEALTH, 2017 states, for fear that politicians will rush to pass
more restrictive laws. To find out what’s avail-
able in your area, call the national Planned Par-
enthood hotline at 800-230-PLAN.)
The frustrating legal tangle has created
a new risk: Women are ordering mifepristone
and misoprostol online, without a prescription.
“Some women do this because they can’t
practically or conveniently get the pills through
the health-care system,” explains Elizabeth
the meds. “There is no increased risk of com- Raymond, MD, a senior medical associate
plications with a telemedicine visit,” says Dan- at Gynuity. In a recent study, the group ordered
iel Grossman, MD, director of Advancing New the pill duo from 16 websites for $110 to $360,
Standards in Reproductive Health at the UCSF and the meds arrived without instructions and
Bixby Center for Global Reproductive Health. He sometimes with damaged packaging.
led a groundbreaking study published last fall The best way to avoid a risky scenario is to
that found telemedicine abortions are just as safe increase access to safe abortions, says Dr.
as those in which a woman swallows mifepris- McDonald-Mosley. If you want to help,
tone in the same room as a physician. contact your state representatives to voice
EMMANUEL POLANCO

Another bonus: Telemedicine helps patients support for telemedicine abortion, or get
receive care sooner in their pregnancies, says involved with Planned Parenthood’s political
Raegan McDonald-Mosley, MD, chief medical action committee. In the meantime, if you
officer of Planned Parenthood of Maryland. A become pregnant and are wondering about your
study of Planned Parenthood’s Iowa telemedi- options, call that hotline. Q

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

129
WELLNESS

+
Before going full force, perfect your
form by doing the move a few times on
each side sans dumbbell. Make sure to keep
your core engaged from start to finish.

One-Move Workout

Windmills
Celeb trainer Astrid Swan (@Astrid_Swan)—
the woman behind Julianne Hough’s and
Olivia Munn’s fierce bods—helps you sculpt
abs without a single crunch.

Holding a 5- Return to
to 10-pound your starting
dumbbell position.
in your right That’s one
hand, stand rep. Do 3 sets
with your feet of 12 reps

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wider than on each side,

M A N I C U R E : R A C H E L S H I M U S I N G C H A N E L L E V E R N I S . LO R N A J A N E S P O R T S B R A , LO R N A J A N E .C O M . AT H L E TA L E G G I N G S , S I M I L A R S T Y L E S AVA I L A B L E AT
hip-distance 3 times
apart, left toes per week.
facing out
and right toes
pointing for-
ward. Jut your
right hip
out to the side.

Raise your
right arm ASTRID’S
straight up EX ERCISE INSPO
toward the P R E - S W E AT S N A C K
ceiling as you “Almond butter packets
hinge to your have healthy fat, fit in my

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left, while gym bag, don’t require a
reaching
your left arm spoon, and taste good!”
toward L A Z Y- D AY F I T- S P I R AT I O N
your left ankle. “I’ll take a group class. I use
Keep your the energy of the people
eyes on the around me as motivation.
weight and Since I’m competitive, this
your shoulders keeps me working hard.”
away from P O S T- G Y M R O U T I N E
your ears. “I always immediately
wash my face with
cleansing cloths to keep
from breaking out.”

SNAP NOW,
SWEAT
LATER!
Take a pic
of this move
to bring to
the gym.

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

130
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C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

133
PLAY

POTHOS
Pot these bad boys in
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Pretty, planter, since their
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Healthy Scene over time. NBD if
Transforming your home you’re a crappy plant
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Pothos can go several
for Insta shots—it’s a boon for weeks without water
your well-being. “Plants provide and only need low,
oxygen and raise humidity lev- indirect light to thrive.
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“Since they come in
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Arrange some near
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your cash!

With Georgia Lee Hussey,


founder of Modernist
Q+A Financial, a financial-services
firm in Portland, Oregon

My friends are plan-


ning a bomb-ass trip
to Mexico, and I’m
dying to go, but I’m
not sure I can swing it
financially. Help!
A_ Start by figuring out what
the trip will realistically cost.
Make a spreadsheet with rough
estimates for the following cat-
egories: flights, lodging, food,
transportation, and activi-
ties. The latter three columns
shouldn’t just mimic what you
spend at home. You’ll likely
be taking cabs to restaurants,
beaches, or museums—more
so than you do in your day-to-
day. Add everything up, then T H R E E WAY S T O CURB BIG MONEY WIN
throw in an extra $200 to cover S P LU R G E S BY
spontaneous adventures or
dire situations. Take that total,
Do More, Spend Less “For my trip to Spain
Using Cash
and divide it by the number of 1. Prebook as much stuff as you with my bestie, I used
months until your potential can. Advance deals for things like
rental cars or kayak lessons can be “Each morning, the discount airfare
getaway. This is the amount put an allotted
you need to stash away every
cheaper than last-minute prices.
amount in your app Skyscanner to set
month until go-time. If you 2. Spread out 3. Find housing wallet,” advises up cheap-ticket alerts.
can swing that without cut- costly charges that comes Hussey. “Leave
ting back on necessities (rent,
so they appear with a kitchen the rest in the On a random Saturday
on different so you can save hotel safe.”
G U I L L E FA I N G O L D/ S T O C K S Y U N I T E D.

groceries, utilities, etc.), you’re billing cycles of a few bucks by Bring a credit night, I got an alert that
clear for takeoff. If you can’t, your credit making your card for emerg-
bow out now—in most cases, card—so you own breakfast, encies, but jam
flights were available
the money (or borrowing) don’t have to
pay off every-
snacks, and
coffee.
it deep in your for under $350. I
stress just isn’t worth it. You purse so it’ll be
can always suggest an awesome
thing at once. harder to find jumped on them right
when you spot a
and affordable-for-everyone super-cute away! Best trip ever.”
road trip for this summer. margarita glass. —ELIZABETH O., 27, ELDRIDGE, IOWA

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

136
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Is It
Ever
Okay
to Cry
at
Work? Maybe
big girls
do cry!

Here’s a confession: At some point, almost Navigating Emotion


in the New Work-
every day, I am at my desk or in a meeting and place. Translation: a
feel an urge to burst into tears and become an hell of a lot of people.
IRL version of the Kim K. crying meme. These Which made us won-
in-office ugly cries can be triggered by anything— der: What’s the best
my boss not liking my idea or an e-mail I sent way to deal with these
prematurely (so many typos!). If you’re guilty of sob fests? And can you
P H I L L I P P E B O S S E / FR E E F O R M .

spin those tears into


puddle-on-the-keyboard workplace meltdowns something positive,
too, take heart because we’re not alone. Forty- dare we say, empow-
one percent of women report that they’ve cried ering? Put your tissue
on the job, according to a survey conducted by box aside and find out
Anne Kreamer, author of It’s Always Personal: what we discovered....

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8 By Danielle Kam

138
WORK

“At my first job, I


had a meeting with a part-
ner about a project. I was
intimidated by his demeanor and
too scared to ask a question. I went We Cry More Than Men Do....It’s Science!
back to my office and cried. I had the
rule: There is no crying in baseball… Blame (at least some of) your tears on biology. Research shows that women
or law. But now that I’ve had leader- actually have different tear ducts than men. Say what?! Ours tend to be
a bit smaller and more shallow, so our tears spill over onto our cheeks more
ship roles, I’ve evolved—crying is easily than a man’s. This means that a guy and a gal can feel the exact same
an acceptable outlet for kind of emotional distress, but the woman is more likely to shed tears, says
frustration and fear.” Anne Kreamer. Thanks a heap, science!
—KATHLEEN W.,
FAIRFIELD, CT

coworker finds you


Why the Cry? HBIC about your blotting your face,
“Tears are like the needs or confront- don’t wait for them
‘check engine’ light ing that credit hog. to say something.
on your car dash- Hopefully, this Own your water-
“As a boss, I want
board. Next time approach will quell people to feel comfort- works, whether
you feel them com- your anger and stem able expressing themselves. they’re personal or
ing on or slipping the tide of tears If something is stressing professional. If your
out, pay attention,” right then or the you out to the point of driving you reasons for tears are
advises Kreamer. next time around. to tears, I want to know the full intimate, no need
“Most women who extent of the pressure so I can try to to share the gory
cry at work aren’t When to Bolt fix it. If something in your personal details, but a Cliffs-
doing so because While crying is life is causing intense emotions, Notes version—“I’m
they’re sad. Really, becoming more I want people to share that going through a
with me as well.”
they’re angry acceptable in cer- family emergency”—
—HEATHER W.,
and frustrated.” tain workplaces, the COLUMBUS, OH will stop your
If you can man- (sucky) truth is that colleagues from
age to pause in the in plenty of jobs, freaking if you don’t
moment and ID it’s still a no-no. So if someone next to privacy stat—head answer an e-mail
the reason for the while your red eyes you was constantly to a bathroom stall ASAP. Same goes
waterworks, it can aren’t shameful, says weeping, you’d prob- (feet up, so peeps for your boss: Fight
help you come up Kreamer, emotions ably feel distracted don’t recognize the urge to apolo-
with constructive are contagious, and too.) So a good rule your shoes) or the gize, and instead
ways to rebound in order to be seen as of thumb: A few stairwell, or take a say, “I was disturbed
faster and get back a kick-ass coworker, tears, it’s okay to quick walk. by X, Y, or Z, and
to being a hundred you need to be cour- stay put. But if you’re here’s why,’” advises
at work. So ask teous to your col- sobbing like you’re Talk It Out Kreamer. A smart,
yourself key ques- leagues. (After all, in a telenovela, find Old-school think- caring leader will
tions: Do you feel ing dictates that respect your can-
disrespected? Are emotions should be dor and view you as
“I founded a com-
you not being given pany last year, and I’ve left out of the work- someone with high
the right resources cried in front of my team. place, but a more emotional intelli-
to do your job? Is After the tears came in a meet- evolved perspective gence who’s in tune
someone on your ing, I was worried I’d be seen as less suggests that being with her needs. Hell,
team always tak- of a leader. But in hindsight, it honest about your if things go well, this
ing credit for your showed an important and authentic feels shows integrity, initially awkward
work? Then find a vulnerability. My team was able to self-awareness, and moment might bring
way to address the see I was human but also that authenticity, which you closer to your
issue, whether that building a company is scary, give you major ups colleagues, earning
intense, and emotional.”
means having a can- in any situation. (We you on-the-job all-
—AMY N.,
did convo with the SEATTLE, WA like that!) So if your star status. ■

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

139
Millennial-
Pink
Pasta?
Yass!

Beet Fettuccine
Alfredo With
Basil Ricotta
1 T olive oil
1 onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic,
minced
1 16-oz. package silken
tofu
3 oz. roasted beets

R E P R I N T E D F R O M C H LO E FL AV O R : S AU C Y, C R I S P Y, S P I C Y, V E G A N, B Y C H LO E C O S C A R E L L I . C O P Y R I G H T © 2 0 1 8 B Y C KC S A L E S , L LC . P H O T O G R A P H S
½ c. water
1 T lemon juice
2 ½ t. sea salt

C O P Y R I G H T © B Y C R I S T I N A H O L M E S . P U B L I S H E D B Y C L A R K S O N P O T T E R / P U B L I S H E R S , A N I M P R I N T O F P E N G U I N R A N D O M H O U S E L LC .
1 lb. fettuccine, cooked
al dente
3 c. vegan ricotta
Ground black pepper
Fresh basil, chopped
Heat olive oil over
medium-high heat in a
skillet. Add onion, and
cook for 5 to 7 minutes
until softened. Add
garlic, and cook about 1
minute more.
In a blender, combine
the onion, garlic, tofu,
beets, water, lemon
juice, and salt. Blend for
about 2 minutes until
very smooth.
Toss fettuccine
and sauce together.
Top with ricotta,
pepper, and basil.

scan to buy

Adapted from
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140
OH, LIKE
RIGHT NOW?

WE’RE MAKING CARAMEL FUN


®/™ trademarks © Mars, Incorporated 2018
Ditch WORK

Your
Five-Year
Plan

A L L I E H O L LO WAY. P R O P S T Y L I S T: W E N DY S C H E L A H F O R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S . FA S H I O N E D I T O R : A E Y U N G K I M . H A I R : R O S I B E L U S I N G R + C O P R O D U C T S . M A N I C U R E : M I S S P O P U S I N G Z OYA . C I T I Z E N S
O F H U M A N I T Y J A C K E T, C I T I Z E N S O F H U M A N I T Y.C O M . M O T H E R J E A N S , M O T H E R D E N I M .C O M . LU LU S B O O T I E S , LU LU S .C O M . A R M E D E L’A M O U R R I N G S , A R M E D E L A M O U R .C O M .
Here’s a question
scarier than
that creepy clown
in It: “Where do
you see yourself
in five years?”
[Insert bloodcur-
dling scream.]
You’ve probably
heard it a kajil-
lion times—from
your parents, your
friends, potential
employers, and
ugh, lame first
dates. And even
if you typically
deflect with a
corny response,
chances are high
that, inside, you
feel a mounting
panic that goes
something like
this: SOS! Everyone
else has their life
figured out and I
have no clue....I’m
so effing screwed. Rip that bad
Permission to stop boy up. You’ve
got a new game
spiraling, granted. plan now.

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

142
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electrolytes.
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WORK

The truth is that the five-year 5 Dope Jobs


plan isn’t relevant anymore. That Barely Existed

1
Thanks to warp-speed global- 5 Years Ago
ization, automation, and inno-
vation, experts say it’s nearly
impossible to predict what
the economy—much less your SNAPCHAT DISCOVER
part in it—will look like in the PRODUCER
future. Five years is now all Your favorite brands on the app
(including Cosmo!) have an entire
it takes for entire companies team of people behind them,
to be created and shuttered, dedicated to creating content

2
big industries to thrive then solely for Snapchat.
dive, or new jobs to emerge
seemingly out of nowhere (see
sidebar, at right).
These days, you can safely
bet your professional life will INSTAGRAM INFLUENCER
High-profile ’grammers with big
take unexpected twists and followings get paid to promote
turns. In fact, a recent Linke- products on their feeds. Your
dIn study found that more than parents might not get it, but
one-third of 25- to 33-year- your friends (and wallet) most
certainly will.

3
olds have changed careers at
least once. So embrace a more
modern way of preparing to
rock the work world, starting
with this advice.
DRIVERLESS-CAR ENGINEERS

Enter the
Want to be part of life-changing
technology? The auto industry is
itching to hire programmers for

Flex Zone this new wave of vehicles.

4
“The career path that most
women take is no longer a
straight-up ladder,” says Carrie
Kerpen, cofounder and CEO PROFESSIONAL
of Likeable Media and author MILLENNIAL EXPERT
of Work It: Secrets for Success Seriously. It’s a thing. Baby boom-
ers and Gen Xers in CEO-level
From the Boldest Women in positions often hire young,
Business. “Women who have web-obsessed whizzes to fill
the best stories and who are the them in on social-media
happiest are those who’ve tried guidelines and understanding

5
the millennial mind.
different things. They didn’t
end up doing what they set out
to do when they were 21.”
The lesson here: Be open to
SUSTAINABILITY
new gigs that might not even COORDINATOR
exist yet or nontraditional jobs As climate change affects busi-
adjacent to your current one. nesses, employers are trying to
figure out how to reduce their
For instance, just because you carbon footprints. Help them!
have a nursing degree doesn’t
mean you’ll work in a hospital
your entire life. You could

By Dayna Evans C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

145
WORK

pivot to consulting, work for


a pharmaceutical company,
join a health-care start-up,
or become a public-health
advocate. Staying laser-focused
on one particular track (à la
previous generations) means
you could miss out on major
opportunities. Cast a wide net
by setting up Google alerts for
key terms you’re interested in
or by following hotshots in your
field on Twitter and Instagram.

Leverage
Your Pals
Like the five-year plan, formal
mentorship programs can be
flawed. The traditional, old-
school format suggests you
have one professional mentor
for your entire career. “You’re
putting this pressure on a
single person to give you all
the answers,” says Kerpen. In If the retro way
today’s job market, you should of planning is
be getting advice from lots of broken...fix it!
legit sources, including your
well-connected peers.
Try starting a personal develop into a supportive “The career presentation that went super
advisory board, says Kerpen. sounding board for all your path that smoothly or a day you made a
“Select five to seven people career anxieties and ambitions. most massive commission. Record
you can talk to about different
women your losses too.
take is no
aspects of your career.” Con-
sider your friends, colleagues, Own Your longer a
straight-
Every few weeks, flip back
and see what made an impact.

Wins
former coworkers, your boo’s up ladder.” Did you take that feedback you
sister—basically, the people you received in January and apply
would call if you were thinking Forget later—you gotta capital- it the next month? If not, is
of quitting your job or needed a ize on what’s working for you there still time to do so? “Most
serious work pep talk or advice in the now. Try keeping a work people obsess over the future
from someone who’s done it journal to track your job six because they think they’re
before. Not every person needs months at a time, says Lauren not doing such a good job in
to be in your industry. McGoodwin, founder and CEO the present,” says Kerpen. But
Start a group text or an of the job advice site Career watching your growth progress
e-mail chain, and if every- Contessa. “Jot down compli- in real time allows you to build
one lives in the same area, try ments and comments from your confidence and a rock-solid
to get coffee or drinks once a boss, so you’ll be able to see the profesh foundation from small,
month. Over time, this crew progress you’re making,” she tangible wins. You can use
could dish on job opportuni- says. Mark any dates that her- these scores on your résumé or
ties, help you network, and alded big work triumphs, like a to hype yourself in the future. ■

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

146
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Redemption
dress. Jane
D’Arensbourg
earrings

With the
megahit drama
This Is Us,
Mandy Moore
has firmly shed

a bolder,

Evidence: her
candid answers
to Cosmo’s
love, sex, and
asking for what
you deserve.
By Laurie Sandell

150
Photographed by
Eric Ray Davidson
Fashion Director
Aya Kanai
COSMO: Speaking of new chapters,
it seems like This Is Us is a dream
project, yes?
MM: Before I got the part, I was
making massive changes in my per-
sonal life and was looking to echo
that in my work. I was waiting for
something different that would allow
If there’s one thing you’ll get me to dig deep. I knew I was capable,
but I couldn’t get any momentum,
from NBC’s hit heart-melter and I had just been crushed by three
failed pilot seasons. When I read the

This Is Us (well, besides script for This Is Us, I told my agent,


“I will do absolutely anything to be

tear-streaked cheeks), it’s a part of this.” I want to do this show


for as long as possible, but it’s made

that a seemingly happy


me want other creative challenges
too. I’d love to do a movie musical, a
period miniseries, and maybe some-
life can be a flimsy cover for thing in the action world.
COSMO: Is it true you met your

a shitstorm of drama. now-fiancé on Instagram?


MM: I’d heard Taylor’s music on
iTunes. I saw that his band had a new
The show’s Pearson clan looks But that was then, and this is album coming out, and I posted on
like a pretty content nuclear Mandy, right now: Golden Instagram that it was going to be my
family—but the loving wife and Globe–nominated for the role she record of the summer. I wasn’t troll-
mom of three is restless AF, the almost didn’t go for. Engaged to ing for a boyfriend! But somebody
doting husband has a booze rocker Taylor Goldsmith, the must have tipped him off—he wrote
problem…and that’s just the tip front man for Dawes. And happy. me a thank-you e-mail and said I
of the dysfunction. As matriarch Truly happy. “I know myself should come to a concert. We started
Rebecca Pearson, Moore strays better now,” the 33-year-old tells going back and forth about music
far from the roles that, earlier in Cosmo on a sunny winter day and writing and eventually decided
her career, capitalized on her in Los Angeles. “I know what I to have dinner. We had the most epic
pop-princess persona (see Tan- want and what I deserve.” three-hour first date—we closed
gled, A Walk to Remember, The (Spoiler alert: That may include down the restaurant!
Princess Diaries). Her portrayal sex in the backyard....) COSMO: Amazing. And then...?
of a woman grappling with MM: The next day, he left to go on
adulting feels grounded in real- COSMO: Marriage is a major theme tour, and I went to London to work
ity…perhaps because it is. of the show. What was your own on a movie. For six weeks, we Face-
After all, Moore knows some- parents’ union like? Timed and texted and completely fell
thing about how complicated l MM: They were high school sweet- in love. As soon as I got time off, I
ife can get. When she was 23, her hearts and married for 30 years. It flew to meet him in Canada, where
parents’ late-in-life divorce— was hard to imagine one without the he was performing. When he picked
occurring after her mother came other, so their breakup was a tough me up at the airport, it was like a
out as a lesbian (Moore’s broth- blow, even though I was in my romantic comedy. He was waiting at
ers, Scott and Kyle, would 20s. But that was 10 years ago—now, the bottom of an escalator and we
also later come out)—upended her everyone is in love with the right had our first kiss as soon as I reached
tight-knit family. Then her own partners, and my parents are having him. I got on a tour bus with Taylor
nearly six-year marriage to musi- this rich second chapter in their lives and 10 other dudes. We listened
cian Ryan Adams collapsed, just that they probably never expected. to podcasts and each other’s favorite
as she was contemplating quit- It was the first concrete example I records and shared a tiny bunk bed.
ting Hollywood to either focus on had that even though the silver lining
singing or switch gears com- might not be obvious in the moment,
pletely and move back to Florida. it will reveal itself down the road.

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

152
NICKNAMES:

M Y C U R R E NT T V A D D I C TI O N :

H E R E ' S W H AT G O E S TH R O U G H M Y
H E A D W H E N I WATC H TH E " C A N DY "

Prabal
Gurung
dress
H OW I ' D D E S C R I B E M Y F I R ST TI M E I N O N E WO R D :

WH AT I ' D TE LL M Y 2 0 S O M E TH I N G S E LF A B O U T…

M U S I C:
M O O R E A N D G O L D S M I T H WA L K I N G : S P L A S H N E W S . A L L O T H E R Q U I Z A R T: G E T T Y I M A G E S (9).

AC TI N G :
makes you feel like, I have to do this
right now. Seeing myself through
the eyes of my partner always makes
BE AUTY me feel like a million bucks. He’s so
stoked to see me naked!
TI P COSMO: What’s the most unusual
place you’ve ever done it?
Refresh second-day
strands with MM: We’re excited about having our
Garnier Fructis Pure house built because I want to make
Clean Dry Sham- love in every single room. No holds
poo, $6. You’ll get
that freshly washed barred. And I want to have sex outside.
feel without the Now people won’t want to come
chalk residue (per- over and sit on our outdoor furniture!
fect for brunettes).
COSMO: How open are you with your
friends about sex?
MM: We talk about what it means to
our relationships. I remember a thera-
pist telling me once that when the sex
goes, the relationship is dead—sort
of like when the bees go, you know the
world is dying. So we talk about sex
being part of a healthy relationship.
COSMO: You’ve been in Hollywood
a long time. What’s your take on the
current climate there?
MM: We’re having a real cultural
reckoning—one that’s definitely past
due. Men have been using their posi-
tions of power to take advantage
of women, and it’s so prevalent. It’s all
Taylor and I have been talking about.
Preen by I feel incredibly lucky that I have
Thornton been doing this for 18 years and never
Bregazzi
dress. Claudia been put in a position where I’ve felt
Schiffer for uncomfortable, manipulated, or com-
Aquazzura
heels promised. I know I’m in the minority,
and I feel grateful for that. I can only
hope that what’s happening encour-
ages more women [to speak out] and
it serves to put women in more pow-
COSMO: What makes this relation- MM: I want to be a mother and a erful positions across the spectrum
ship different from previous ones? wife. We’re both in that same place, and in entertainment specifically…as
MM: Ev-er-ry-thing! We love sharing and to do it together is awesome. studio heads, directors, writers, and
our life together with our friends and He asked my best friend to help with producers. I think it’s going to help
families. I’ve never really experienced the ring, and he even asked my dad women ascend to the top faster.
that in a relationship, but I excused it [for permission to propose]. He did COSMO: With this role, you’re well
before, thinking, I don’t need that! all the stuff I didn’t think was on your way to the top, and you’ve
Some of my past choices reflected my important. I had done this before, become a lot more confident. How?
fascination with someone whose and I’d eloped. But I realized that MM: It’s a combination of getting
view of life was totally different from going the traditional route mattered older and wiser and going through
mine. Relationships take work, but to him, so it mattered to me. the hard knocks of a divorce. You
I don’t think they should be difficult. COSMO: And of course there’s that realize, I’m not going to take any-
I feel very much in line with Taylor other essential ingredient of a good one’s shit. It’s emboldened me. There’s
and did from minute one. relationship: great sex. power in saying no and in asking
COSMO: How did you know you MM: Yeah, it’s that special mix for what you deserve. There is power
were ready to marry him? of compatibility and attraction that in knowing your value.

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

154
S O M E TH I N G PE O PLE G E T W R O N G A B O U T M E :

M Y B E ST A DV I C E TO G I V E :

M Y ST Y LE I CO N :
E V E RY M E A L TA STE S
B E T TE R W ITH :

CO STA R S I N O N E WO R D :

C H R I S SY M E T Z

STE R LI N G K . B R OW N

J U STI N H A R TLE Y

O N S C R E E N K I S S E S : AW K WA R D O R
J U ST WO R K A S U S UA L?

Milly dress.
Malone Souliers
heels. Giuseppe
Zanotti earrings Hair: Ashley Streicher
with Garnier at Striiike.
Makeup: Jenn Streicher with
Laura Mercier at Striiike.
Manicure: Stephanie Stone at
Forward Artists using Chanel.
Production: First Shot
Productions.
See page 179 for shopping
information.
And when you’re over it? Just shampoo!
BY L AU R E N B A L S A M O | P H OTO G R A P H ED BY H A R P E R S M I T H
FA S H I O N D I R EC TO R : AYA K A N A I | T Y P E I L LU S T R AT I O N BY A L E X T R O C H U T

156
GEMSTONE STREAKS
Meet unicorn hair’s more sophisticated older sister. Starting with your bottom
layers, color strands section by section, using a mix of emerald, ruby, and amethyst
hair paints or crayons. (Three easy-to-use options: Splat’s color-dispensing comb,
Streeker’s sponge-paint pigments, and Bumble and Bumble’s sticks; see page 161 for
product details.) Once hair is dry, run a brush through it for a soft, jewel-tone effect.

Alexander
Wang dress
Fendi top and
bra. Messika
Paris earrings

MULTICOLOR STARS
Think of these as temporary tats for
your hair (they’re perfect for sleek styles
or cropped cuts, like our model’s).
Hold a stencil sheet with different-size
stars against your head, then use spray-
or sponge-on colors (like Clairol Color
Crave Hair Makeup, $11) to fill in
the shapes. Seal in color with hair spray.
BADASS BLUE
Less mermaid-y, more grunge girl,
this denim-inspired hue feels just as cool
as a pair of vintage Levi’s. Apply color-
depositing cream (try GoodDYEYoung
Poser Paste) through dry hair,
starting an inch past your roots
and down through your ends. Once your
whole head is covered, rough-dry

Paige jacket.
A.L.C. pants.
Dior Fine
Jewelry neck-
lace. Solange
Azagury-
Partridge rings

159
HIGH-WATTAGE
HIGHLIGHTS
The most extra way to sparkle this spring?
Style your hair as usual, then spray
random two-inch sections from root to tip
with L’Oréal Paris Colorista Spray
in Gold (if you’re blonde, try the silver
spray instead). Slip a piece of paper under
the section you’re spraying so
you don’t stain surrounding strands.

Rachel Zoe
and pants. Cartier necklace,
bracelet, and ring

Still life: Jeffrey Westbrook.


Stylist: Melissa Longo for Halley
Resources. Hair: Ted Gibson at
Artists & Company for TedGibson
.com. Makeup: Eric Polito using
Lancôme. Manicure: Jini Lim using
Essie at See Management.
Models: Iesha Hodges/ONE.1,
Masha Gutic/Supreme, Raven
Lyn Corneil/Women 360 Manage-
ment, Zuzana Gregorova/
Women 360 Management.
See page 179 for shopping
information.

160
1
2

4 1. Streekers in Pink
and Green, $11 each
2. GoodDYEYoung
Poser Paste
in Blue Ruin, $18
3. L’Oréal Paris
Colorista Spray in
Gold, $9
4. Bumble and Bumble
Bb. Color Stick
in Flamingo, $26
5. Splat 1 Wash
in Vivid Violet, $7
C O S M O P O L I TA N M O N T H 2 0 1 7

161
P R E S E N T E D B Y L’ O R É A L PA R I S

COMMIT TO COOL COLOR

BADASS BLUE
Best for bleached
babes and blondes
Buy Two Boxes
And have them both
on hand—especially
if you have thick
or long hair. You can’t
run to the drugstore
midapplication
if you need more.
Start With Clean Hair
Oil and product
residue can affect
how well dye adheres
to hair. Be sure to
shampoo and blow-
dry before coloring.
Skip Your Roots
Paint on color starting
an inch from your
roots. The contrast
between your natural
hair color and the
blue pigment will look
super edgy.

L’Oréal Paris
Colorista
Semi-Perma-
scan to buy nent Color in
Turquoise, $10,
amazon.com

WHAT IS
SEMIPERMANENT
COLOR, EXACTLY?
Unlike permanent dye,
which penetrates hair
cuticles, semipermanent color
sits on top of your strands,
creating a temporary stain.
(It won’t lighten hair;
it just adds color.) Most
wash out in 5 to 15
shampoos.

Open your Amazon App


Tap on the camera icon
Choose SmileCode
Scan and shop!

162
P R E S E N T E D B Y L’ O R É A L PA R I S

GEMSTONE Patch-Test First


Before you begin,
Use Foils
Paint inch-wide
STREAKS apply dye to just a
few strands to
sections using the
included brush and
Best for check the tone and cover them with
redheads and see how the color tinfoil as you go
brunettes shows up—the (it’ll stop pigments
lighter your hair, the from bleeding
together).
TRY
BEFORE YOU
DYE
Experiment with differ-
ent color options using
L’Oréal Paris Colorista
Sprays ($9 each, amazon
.com, they come in 10
temporary shades) to L’Oréal Paris
find your perfect Colorista
combo. Semi-Perma-
nent Color in
Midnight Blue,
Green, and
Maroon, start-
ing at $10 each,
scan to buy amazon.com

Alexander Wang dress.


Chanel Fine Jewelry necklace

163
CO U N T RY- ST Y L E

M
R E
164
Just like the music genre itself,
Western-inspired looks are
influencing a broader range
of fashion in fresh, new ways—
from pearl-studded denim to funky
layers to sparkly kicks. Superstar
artist KELSEA BALLERINI (whose
Unapologetically tour kicks off
February 8) shows how to
update the classics.
G AML
ROAD TO

“When I was just


starting out at
19 years old, I had
no idea what I
wanted my look to
be. I definitely had
some days when I
was put in the plaid
shirts, the cowboy
boots, and the big
jewelry. I had to go
back through
photos to realize,
Oh, that’s not
me. Now, I wear
what I like. If I’m
comfortable
in it, then I’m
confident in it.”
Zac Zac Posen
dress. Sandro
jacket. Meadow-
lark necklace.

X
I
P H OTO G R A P H E D BY R E GA N C A M E RO N

ST Y L E D I R E C TO R : JA M E S WO RT H I N GTO N D E M O L E T

I N T E R V I E W BY R AC H E L M O S E LY
GETTING

L IT
“Sparkles have
always been
a big player in
the country-music
style game, and
they still are.
Onstage, I love
doing sequins
because it brings
the drama and
it just feels really
fun and girly.
Offstage, I’m more
about a good

S H O T I N F R O N T O F T H E A I R S T R E A M G LO B E T R O T T E R . F O R M O R E I N F O R M AT I O N A B O U T T H E G LO B E T R O T T E R A N D O T H E R
pair of jeans with
a heel.”
This page: Coach
1941 top and skirt.
Edge o’ Beyond
bra. What Goes
Around Comes
Around belt.
Opposite page:
Akira top. Milly
skirt. B-Low the
Belt belt. Monique
Lhuillier boots. P R O D U C T S I N A I R S T R E A M ’ S L I N EU P, P L E A S E V I S I T W W W. A I R S T R E A M .C O M .

Kelsea's own ring


(worn throughout)
STYLE
P O NIE E R S
“We’ve had country artists like Shania Twain, Dolly Parton,
and Loretta Lynn who really went there style-wise.
They dressed differently—I mean, no one was doing what
Shania was doing, with her midriff tops and her big
leopard cloak—and sometimes, they got criticized for it. But
it didn’t matter because that’s what made them happy.”

167
B E AU T Y
TIP

WHY NOT
UPGRADE YOUR
FRAGRANCE
TOO? HIT
YOUR PULSE
POINTS WITH
MICHAEL KORS
SHEER EAU DE
PARFUM, $66.
IT’S AS CLASSIC
AS CUTOFFS…
WITH A SEXY
FLORAL EDGE.
OUT WITH THE
OLD
“Just as people have this stigma about all country music
being the same—that every song is about a beer on a truck
bed on a dirt road—there’s a stigma that country style is
all blue jeans and cowboy boots. Of course, there are artists
who will always wear that traditional look and I hope
there will always be, but many others are now expressing
themselves by dressing in different ways.”
Opposite page: Anna
Sui jacket and shorts.
Gooseberry Intimates
top. B-Low the Belt
belt. Meadowlark neck-
lace. This page: Versus
Versace top and skirt.
Each x Other boots

Hair: Brian Buenaven-


tura with Management
+ Artists for Cutler.
Makeup: Kelsey Deeni-
han at The Wall Group
using Mark. Cosmetics.
Manicure: Mei Kawajiri.
See page 179 for
shopping information.
1958 C ADILL AC MODEL 62 CONVERTIBLE PROVIDED BY C ADILL AC AND OWNED BY JAMES VERR A STER

169
By Katie Heaney

The Evolution of Non-Monogamy

Taneisha, 29, and David,


28, of Philadelphia, have
been dating for eight
years. In that time,
David has had other
simultaneous GFs, and
Taneisha’s been
intimate with both men
and women. “Yes, we
experience jealousy,”
says Taneisha, “but
we don’t believe you
can possess someone.”

170
First comes love, then comes…seeing other
people? A growing group of 20- and
30somethings are turning their backs on
happily ever after with one person…and
rewriting the rules of relationships as we
know them. Photographed by ioulex

171
During a good week, Lucy, 30, and her boyfriend,
Collen, 37, have sex at least three times, either
at her place or his. On a night apart, Collen may
sleep with another woman—with Lucy’s blessing.
“I tell him, yes, they can have sex,” says Lucy.
“But no oral. That makes me weirdly jealous.”

Seattle-based Sam,
Ryan, Aviva, and Kelli
are in a polycule. Kelli
and Aviva are anchor
partners. Sam and A few days later, Lucy might join both of carnal passion he’d just had with a female pal.
Ryan are married. Aviva them in bed. Or she might get busy with a “It was sexy,” says Lucy. “I get a lot of satisfac-
and Sam are close
friends and sometimes different guy on her own. tion from imagining him exploring someone’s
more. Kelli doesn’t When it’s just the two of them again, the body. And sleeping with other people sheds
sleep with Sam or Ryan
but considers them Oakland, California, couple doesn’t abide by light on how amazing our own sex is. That
“chosen family.” Each the stereotypical open relationship’s “don’t makes me feel powerful.”
has additional intimate
partners too. ask, don’t tell” protocol. Instead, they dish. Their relationship bears little resemblance
Recently, Collen gave her a play-by-play of the to the swingers of yesteryear, when suburban

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

172
THE
GLOSSARY
“key parties” let DTF hetero couples mingle Anchor partner: of 18- to 29-year-olds said the same thing—
with other sexually bored duos. Lucy and The person you’ve meaning, nearly half of the up-and-coming
probably been with
Collen’s lifestyle isn’t about spicing up the longest and may
generation doesn’t view coupledom through
long slog of marriage and kids—it’s a deliber- live with. a black-and-white lens. More proof: 17
ate decision they made from the start. And percent of young people said they’d already
it’s not even really about sex. Well, okay, it is, Open relation- had sex outside their relationship with their
ship: A committed
but not entirely. It’s also about pragmatism relationship partner’s consent.
and exploration and self-growth and free- between two part- This swing toward CNM makes sense.
dom and a generational impulse to question ners who also sleep Socially and culturally, the moment is ripe.
the boundaries of sexuality. with other people Today’s 20- and 30somethings didn’t exactly
(but may have to
They are just one couple embracing a get permission in grow up in boom times for monogamy.
novel type of relationship best described by advance). Nearly half of all American marriages still
a newish umbrella term: consensual non- end in divorce, with people over age 50 (i.e.,
monogamy, or CNM. It encompasses open Polyamory: The millennials’ parents) now splitting up at
practice of main-
relationships, polyamory, and a host of other taining intimate unprecedented rates. And the current econ-
nontraditional arrangements (see “The Glos- relationships with omy—unstable jobs, soaring student debt—
sary,” at right), but it’s less about labels than multiple commit- can make hitching yourself to one person (and
ted partners.
it is about choice. In CNM relationships, no his whopping $50,000 loan balance) seem
one is cheating. Participants are up front Polycule: An scary. All of which makes the once exotic-
about their desires and parameters, often extended family sounding CNM feel downright practical.
fluid in their sexuality, and compulsively comprised of poly- At the same time, old taboos about sexual-
amorous relation-
communicative. They still want love and ships (e.g., your
ity are disintegrating. “Now more than ever,
commitment, but they question the sanity of boyfriend’s girl- gender and sexual orientation are so fluid,”
depending on one person for 50-some years friends may be in says Rhonda Milrad, a licensed clinical
of sexual and emotional fulfillment. your polycule). social worker and relationship therapist in
“Yeah, I want kids, and yes, I’d love a part- Relationship Los Angeles. “Earlier generations didn’t give
ner for that,” says Rachel,* 32, of Brooklyn, escalator: The a thought to [or didn’t have the freedom to
who is monogamous with her boyfriend of arc of a traditional explore] all the different ways a relationship
five years...except when she has sex with good relationship, from could look. Millennials are redefining them-
cohabitation to
friends on special occasions, like at Burning marriage to kids— selves.” And they’re redefining who—and
Man. (“He knows them. They’re vetted,” she aka a ride many how many—they want to be with. Pop cul-
says of the other people she sleeps with.) “But poly people are try- ture is already reflecting these shifts.
even better would be us plus close friends ing to get off. Young stars like Nico Tortorella, Shailene
raising the kids, and we might all have sexual Solo Poly: When Woodley, and Kesha have said they’re open
relationships from time to time.” you have more than to falling in love with anyone, of any gender.
one partner but no And prominent TV characters, such as Claire
Breaking Boundaries “main” partner.
Underwood on House of Cards and Nola Dar-
Anyone who follows news headlines knows So-So: Your sig- ling of She’s Gotta Have It, unapologetically
that science has lately been churning out nificant other’s embrace CNM. Kelly, 28, of San Francisco,
studies questioning our predisposition to life- significant other. who recently had a three-way relationship
long fidelity. “There is data that suggests that Throuple: Like (aka throuple) with a married couple, con-
we may not all be wired to be monogamous a couple but with firms: “I see it coming up more and more in
FA S H I O N E D I T O R : A E Y U N G K I M .

and that women in particular may not be,” three people. the media. Just like homosexuality took a very
says sociologist Alicia Walker, PhD, author long time to become more accepted, I believe
Unicorn: A
of The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife. bisexual woman that the same is ahead for CNM.”
Attitudes are also changing. A recent poll who has sex with “Young people are embracing the option
found that 74 percent of 45- to 64-year-olds heterosexual that they can be non-monogamous without
would not be okay with their partner getting married couples. social repercussions,” adds Logan Levkoff,
sexual with someone else. Only 56 percent PhD, a sex educator and relationship expert.

* Some names have been changed. C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

173
QUIZ:
ARE YOU
POLY-
CAPABLE?
Social media and dating apps help make You and your 2 Know It’s Not Just About Sex
the lifestyle even easier. Online, you can calendar Or sexual thrill-seeking. CNM may also
app are like:
now meet just about any type of person, for come with serious emotional connections,
A. Kimye (ride
just about any type of relationship. The dat- or die) especially since young people are now marry-
ing platform OkCupid, for example, lets B. Kourtney ing later in life. It’s estimated that one-third
users choose from 12 possible sexual identi- and Scott of millennials will remain unhitched at
ties and 22 different gender options and lets (love/hate) age 40—and the thought of de-prioritizing
them specify whether they’re looking for sex, How competitive the other relationships they’ve made along
romance, friendship, or a little of each from are you? the way can be unappealing.
one or multiple partners. A. All my tro- “The entire reason I decided to live poly-
“I definitely don’t think there’s anything phies are for amorously was because of a friendship, not
participation.
wrong with monogamy,” says Clare, 31, of B. My Fantasy sex,” explains Genevieve, 38, of New York
New York City, who’s in a CNM relationship Football team City, who has a husband…as well as a long-

H A I R : B R I T TA N W H I T E AT K AT E R YA N I N C . U S I N G E V O H A I R . M A K EU P : D A N A R A E A S H B U R N AT D A N A R A E A S H B U R N .C O M . M A N I C U R E : R A C H E L S H I M U S I N G C H A N E L L E V E R N I S .
with her husband and others, “but people crushes. term girlfriend. “I had a best friend who was
tend to see it as a default setting or require- more than a best friend. She felt like a soul
When you fight
ment. It’s often presented as the only ratio- with your mate. We loved being together and didn’t
nal, acceptable way to have a committed partner, you: want to stop once we got ‘serious partners.’”
relationship, and I think that there are defi- A. Start an Likewise, Kelli, 34, of Seattle, part of the
honest convo
nitely other possibilities.” about what’s
polycule on page 172, says CNM offers more
Still, Clare and her young poly peers are upsetting you. stability, not less. “I have a community of
the first to admit that the new non-monogamy B. Slam the door. people I go to when I’m crying,” says Kelli. “I
is not for everyone. Even as they turn their He started it. don’t go to a new lover when I need support.
back on traditional rules, they are improvising Mostly A’s: We’ve just been fucking—they have no idea
a set of CNM guidelines. Those wanting to You may have what how to support me emotionally.”
test the waters should... it takes. Use those
crack communica- 3 Talk, Talk, Talk (and Talk)
tion skills to talk to
1 Stay Open to Experimentation your partner about Because secrets are for cheaters. “The num-
For the new non-monogamists, relationships whether he or she is ber one rule of CNM is communicate, com-
are a journey, not a place to park yourself sex- into giving CNM municate, communicate,” explains Kelli.
ually until death do you part. “Young people a try and what Polyamorous peeps are constantly hashing
your specific rules
today have a desire to work on themselves would look like. (Sin- out feelings and emotional nuances (they call
through health trends like yoga or meditation,” gle? Write your own it relationship processing). And it’s not
says Milrad. It makes sense that they’re look- parameters.) always smooth sailing. Maintaining a healthy
ing for romantic setups that also encourage dialogue with one partner is hard enough—
Mostly B’s:
personal growth. One-on-one romance but what about two or three or five? (Bad
“CNM helps me get to know myself better may be your sweet texters, to the left.)
sexually and find new things that turn me on,” spot. If you’re looking Recently, Lucy and Collen jointly had
to spice things up in
says Lucy of her lifestyle with boyfriend the bedroom, talk to
sex with a male friend, only to find out that
Collen. So far, she’s discovered that she likes your lover about role- his main partner had not actually given the
having threesomes with her BF and another playing (as in, just okay. “She got very mad,” said Lucy. “Mis-
woman with sexual desires similar to her pretending you’re communication!” To avoid similar hiccups,
with someone else).
own. (“It just doubles the energy,” she says.) Lucy and Collen, like most poly pairs, have
Melanie, 28, of Brooklyn, can relate: “In established parameters, which often change
the last couple of years, I’ve gotten more into over time: They must meet each other’s lov-
kink and BDSM,” she says. “Since my part- ers in advance, use condoms, and get tested
ner is not that into it, one major benefit of for STIs every six months. (When things do
non-monogamy is that I feel free to explore go awry, some CNM participants will occa-
that part of myself.” She now has sex with two sionally “close” a relationship to get through a
other guys once or twice a month. rough patch with a primary partner.)

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

174
Making plans can also be a next-level
proposition. Just try to squeeze in work,
friends, and dates...with multiple partners.
“Time management is often more compli-
cated,” says Carrie Jenkins, author of What
Love Is: And What It Could Be. “I use Google
Calendar and I think a lot of others do too.”

4 Be in It for the Right Reasons


The least successful CNM relationships:
those being used as last-ditch efforts to side-
step a breakup. “It’s no different than when
people try to fix their relationship by having a
child,” says Lucy. “If you start out from a rup-
tured place, it may only do harm.”
Same goes for people hoping to be another
person’s everything. In many of the new CNM
setups, there’s no primary or favorite partner,
so “if the impulse to compete is something
you feel strongly, you might find poly really
challenging,” says Jenkins.
Going poly also typically means embracing
an inclusive, feminist mind-set. Young non-
monogamists tend to honor all their lovers’
feelings, not just their original partner’s
(if they even have one). They might even put
platonic BFFs on the same plane as their
romantic relationships—so, no bailing on
friends just because bae wants to Netflix and
chill. Many also consider previous forms
of the lifestyle—specifically, a committed
hetero couple hunting for a woman to have
threesomes with—to be exploitative. “We
call them unicorn hunters in search of a
bi babe who has to date them exclusively and
Leana, 30, of love them equally and never come in
Edgewater, New
Jersey, is solo poly between their relationship,” says Genevieve.
and dating both “Those people are gross.” Also a no-no:
“I can love a hetero couple
and a man. “I like
that I can be with
one-penis policies, wherein a straight couple
can explore but only with other women.
whoever I want, different people
in different ways,”
she says.
“For a long time, when we talked about
non-monogamy, what came to mind was a
whenever bunch of horny guys forcing their girlfriends
into this,” says Dedeker Winston, author
I want—without of The Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory. “But
now women have the ability to have their
any restrictions.” own multipartner relationships.” And that,
says just about everyone involved in CNM, is
the ultimate empowerment. Q

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

175
HOROSCOPES

By Aurora Tower | @AuroraAstro

PISCES0 2 .1 9 – 0 3 . 2 0

The spotlight is yours—shine on! With


the Sun, magnetic Venus, and verbal
Mercury all in your sign until the 7th, you
have everyone’s attention at work and on
the dating scene. Stay direct and you’ll
score! News on the 23rd will warrant a
change in money strategy, so set a realistic
budget to keep that big-shot swagger.
YOUR YEAR: Connecting and collaborating
with good people will yield lots of awesome

I L LU S T R AT I O N : C I A R A P H E L A N .
opportunities. Find inspo on an epic trip in
July, and fall head over heels in autumn.
A new job awaits next January.
PISCES GAL
Kesha
03.01.87
ARIES TAURUS GEMINI CANCER
0 3 . 2 1 – 0 4 .1 9 04.20–05.21 05.22–06.20 0 6 . 2 1 – 0 7. 2 2
Shit is about to be bananas! Damn, you’ve got a solid crew. This. Girl. Is. On. Fire! Your There’s that can-do ’tude!
Relax and reflect now, because Your friendships have you daily grind is about to get big- Exciting new contacts
life gets crazy-busy when sexy feeling on top of the world. time recognition—finally! have you feeling all kinds of
Venus and communicative Cue a celebratory mood On the 11th, presenting your inspired. After the 7th, the
Mercury move into your sign around the Full Moon on the great ideas to a VIP will perfect opportunity will arise
on the 7th. All will want to hear 1st…and again when they pay off. Use the momentum for you to release some of that
your hot takes, but craft them arrange an epic setup for you! to set your yearly goals in a pent-up creative energy. In
carefully. Your words could get Recharge from all the fun with brainstorm sesh on the 17th. go-getter mode, you might
twisted when Mercury goes a low-key vacay (read: Netflix Don’t lose steam over silly just take a shine to someone
retrograde on the 23rd. and room service). TAURUS power struggles. GEMINI GUY: who’s not your usual type.
ARIES GUY: He has a lot going GUY: He’s getting pulled in a He’s riding high at work. Even CANCER GUY: Homebody no
on right now, which means million different directions. if he’s being modest about more! Seize his fleeting urge
it’s prime time to gauge his Plan a lover’s lock-in to reunite, it, your encouragement will to travel with a trip that’s so
level of commitment to you. relax, and...you know what. mean the freakin’ world. worth leaving the couch for.

LEO VIRGO LIBRA SCORPIO


0 7. 2 3 – 0 8 . 2 2 08 . 23– 09. 2 2 09. 23–10. 2 2 10.23–11.21
The good kind of change is on With a slew of planets stacked This month will be a balancing This might just be your best
its way! A career shift or new in your relationship zone, love act—good thing you’re a pro month of 2018. Embrace
chapter in your life has you is coming your way! Yay! Make on the tightrope! Stay calm spontaneity—you so won’t
feeling motivated to make big room for a brand-new boo and consistent to keep life on regret locking down those
moves. Don’t be surprised if who might show up around track. After verbal Mercury last-min concert tix. Ride the
shooting for the stars lands the Full Moon on the 1st or the goes retrograde on the 23rd, good vibes into the 13th, when
you on cloud nine around the New Moon on the 17th. Get you might come across a a new dating prospect will
28th. Once you’ve had your rid of unrealistic expectations challenge (like pushback enter your universe. Shift your
moment of pride, focus on beforehand. You don’t need or communication probs), but focus to work at month’s end.
the follow-through and nitty- your twin—you need your don’t take it too personally If crisis strikes, you’ll be ready
gritty. LEO GUY: Watch out! complement. VIRGO GUY: and all will work out. LIBRA to save the day. SCORPIO GUY:
He’s on a tear. Allow him some Been waiting for the right time GUY: High expectations have Go ahead and play hard to get.
solo sulking time, then get him for a heart-to-heart? Do it now. him so effing stressed. Be his He likes the chase and will put
to open up about his feelings. He’s ready to truly hear you. ally, not another antagonist. in the work to win your heart.

PISCES GUY
SAGITTARIUS CAPRICORN AQUARIUS Aziz Ansari
11.22–12.21 1 2 . 2 2 – 0 1 .1 9 0 1 . 2 0 – 0 2 .1 8 02.23.83
That concentration face suits You’re firing on all cylinders, Your aura is good as gold! The birthday boy
you! Don’t let distractions or so don’t let others’ BS slow Keep your spirits high with
drama break your stride. With your roll. Hit the road at the some self-care. After the is so ready to
Mars, the planet of action, in beginning of the month. You’ll Sun moves into fast-paced celebrate—with you!
your sign until the 17th, you meet some gems along the Aries on the 21st, be extra Go HAM together,
have the power to kick down way. Active Mars moves into social. Bopping around but don’t ball out past
opportunity’s door. And love your sign on the 17th, which between your fave people will your budget.
will come knocking soon after. will give you laser focus and make your heart feel full. At After all, love don’t
Just beware of stepping on next-level energy. Your POV is the end of the month, choose cost a thang.
your new beau’s toes toward important, but express it words carefully so Mercury
month’s end. SAGITTARIUS gently to avoid any conflict. in retrograde doesn’t screw
GUY: Quiet time is all he wants. CAPRICORN GUY: He’s juggling you. AQUARIUS GUY: Book
A romantic dinner at home will a ton, but a thrilling excursion a couples massage stat—he’s
leave you both super satisfied. will totally keep the lust alive. dying to be decadent with you.
ALL ABOUT YOU

How You Sit Says a Lot


Choose the image that shows the way you park your butt in most situations.

...Cross Your
Ankles
Crossing just above the
foot projects the
message you have
little to hide. Firmly
planted feet show
you’re sure of yourself.

...Stay Erect ...Sit Cross-Legged ...Cross Your Legs


Keeping your shoulders back This pose, which involves Crossing your top leg
and feet firmly planted knees splayed to either side, in someone’s direction
sends a strong message: signifies open-mindedness, can denote attraction or
You’re confident AF. agility, and athleticism. positive feelings.

...Lean Back on
Your Palms
This pose screams judgmen-
tal, since leaning back lets
you assess a situation
without taking any action.

...Cross Your Arms


Unless you’re cold, it commu-
nicates anger. Your toes may
also point away from
whoever’s pissing you off. I L LU S T R AT I O N S B Y K AT I E B U C K L E I T N E R . B A C KG R O U N D : G E T T Y I M A G E S .

...Settle on
One Side
Assuming it’s not just
for pure comfort,
stacking your
knees is thought to
be flirtatious.
SOURCE: LILLIAN GLASS, PHD,
BODY-LANGUAGE EXPERT

...Keep Your ...Clasp Your Hands


Hands Still Entwined fingers are a sign
Motionless hands can you’re trying to be polite. But
indicate a certain rigidity and they can also mean you’re lying
closed-minded vibe. or trying to please others.

C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8 By Elizabeth Narins

178
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Gordon, arielgordonjewelry.com. Oscar de la milly.com. Giuseppe Zanotti, giuseppezanotti
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C O S M O P O L I TA N M A R C H 2 0 1 8

179
COSMO QUIZ

1. You have a pre-


sentation in five
and can’t find your
notes. You:
A Have a 2007-Britney 4. Family
breakdown and dump gathering! You
out every desk drawer know Grandma’s
until you find them. about to go
B Wing it but inter- in on all those
nally freak that your boss annoying life
was side-eyeing you the
whole time.
questions. You:
A Power up your
C Presentation?
PowerPoint presentation
You just got sucked
of life updates
into planning tonight’s
so you’re not hit with
happy hour.
any curveballs.

2. If you had B Wear your mouth


guard so you don’t shave
to choose one off your enamel

What’s Your
emoji to describe from tension-grinding.
your baseline C Drink all the wine.
state, it would be: Fall asleep under table.
A
5. Your roommate

Stress
B
hasn’t done her
C
dishes in more
than a week and
3. You’re waiting your Tinder match
for your bestie at a

Personality?
is coming over for
party where you dinner. With an
know no one else. hour left, you...
How do you pass
the time? A Cancel, then sob
atop the dirty kitchen
A You lock yourself counter cuz he was, like,
in the bathroom until definitely The One.
your BFF texts that she
has arrived. B Passive-aggres-
sively clean up while
B You find the nearest saying “It’s fine!” in a high-
pet and have a one-sided pitched voice when she
conversation with Sparky. apologizes.
C You hang solo and C Leave it. Realisti-
scan the crowd.…Ooh, are cally, you won’t be doing
those pretzel nuggets? much eating anyway....
K AT B O R C H A R T/ T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M .
THE BREAKDOWN

M O S T LY A’ S M O S T LY B ’ S M O S T LY C ’ S
Angst Level 100 Silent but Stewing Way Too Chill
You need a ’script for a zillion deep You have a decent handle on stress… A carefree life rocks, but a little corti-
breaths. It’s okay to be overwhelmed, except you keep it all to yourself. sol never hurt anyone. Your lack
but pick your battles. Classifying tense It’s cool that you don’t want to dump of effs may come across as not giving
sitches as “worth it”/“not worth it” can anxiety on others, but internalizing a single eff. And that might offend
manage the madness (e.g., replying can be unhealthy. It’s normal to com- those close to you. Getting fired
to a pal’s text should rank lower than plain to your squad. Try confiding up about important matters could
answering a high-priority work e-mail). in them to prevent self-implosion. improve your relationships.

By Danielle Kam

180
INTRODUCING A NEW RANGE

C R A F T E D W I T H L E S S S U G A R*
( N OT L E S S TA S T E )

*vs regular ice cream


NEW FOAM
CONDITIONER
100% CONDITIONING, 0% WEIGHT.

©2017 P&G

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