H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-C-Y

Written by Georgina von Marburg

It's the enemy in the enemy's camp. It's the persecuted taking

comfort in the persecutor. It's the abused victim in the

confessional. It's the "Independents" forming a party. It's me. It's

you. It's hypocrisy. Paradox. The clash of two opposing ideas, a

clash which allows each to continue existing without any

outcome. It's the unstoppable force meeting the immovable

object. This occurrence can last for eternity. It can be noticed in

every moment of your existence. You feel it as your mind jumps

to conclusions, and you see it as you walk down the perfectly

paved roads of your hometown. The situation which we find

ourselves in many a time, can only be solved through the

admittance of its existence. Now, this is not some philosophical

jumble of brain-straining mazes, but a simple and surprisingly

practical question and answer format. The questions are: what is

hypocrisy? Is it inevitable? How can it be resolved? The answers

are in personal and institutional crises.

To answer the first question, I suggest you observe your daily

physical activity. Whether your making a pot of Alta Rico coffee

or crossing the road to the bus stop, there is always a single

thought in the back of your teaming brain: Safety. In everything

you do, you try to stay safe, meaning, stay alive. But what is the

most certain thing we can be sure of in our lives? The fact that, at

some point, being expected or not, we will die. Our heart will

cease beating, our mind cease functioning. As Tyler Durden,

Chuck Palahniuk's haunting character, would say, "we are all part

of the same compost heap." Or, as I'm sure you've heard one of

your pessimist friends say, "we're just wormwood." However you

want to put it, we were all guaranteed a biological troubleshoot

by the Big Man, as soon as we are given batteries. Yet we still try

to avoid this inevitable occurrence with every breathe we take.

Now this is hypocrisy at its finest, or should I say, bluntest. We

realise and accept one truth, yet we act directly against it. And

unless you plan on sending every new-born on a Golden Gate

Bridge drop, this also answers the question of hypocrisy being

inevitable; for, from the day we are born, we live this paradox

called life: avoid death as much as you can, but it is unavoidable.

Now that you know what hypocrisy is, and its inevitability, we

must now discover other forms of it.

 Although some paradoxes are unavoidable, some must be

avoided in order to live with a reasonable mind set. If the concept

of free behaviour based on a doctrine of relativism appeals to

you, then please, stop wasting your time reading this and go live

what's left of your blissfully hypocritical life. However, for those of

you who are automatically irritated when a liberalist puts the

word "God" in a Declaration of Independence, please buckle down

as I try to simplify you life's problems. Allow me to do this by

using examples of my own life. Before I proceed, I'll make a

physic side note on what your thinking: "Wait! If hypocrisy is

inevitable, why should I feel irritated?" Well, that is because the

previous paradox I used of our lives was subconscious. Therefore,

it seems logical that only the conscious paradox can annoy our

conscious. Now you're thinking, "So, hypocrisy is hypocritical: it's

unavoidable, but avoidable." Not exactly. Subconscious hypocrisy

is unavoidable, but conscious hypocrisy is avoidable. I'll use some

examples as promised, to clarify how this can be done.

Subconscious hypocrisy is when you instinctively cover your

head to protect your life from exploding shrapnel. Conscious

hypocrisy is when I recommend a Catholic book to an ignorant

customer. I, being a deist, feel guilt when I give that person a

receipt. Why am I fuelling the enemy? Because I need the money.

Yeah, well, no matter what your superficial reasons are, you still

feel a psychologically nauseating sensation within. And I have

never, in all my experience of communicating with offenders of

conscious hypocrisy, met a person who realises their mistake and

feels good about it. Nor have I ever met someone who doesn't

mind another's hypocrisy - hence the annoyance. To get rid of

these pestering happenings, we must kill the weed by tearing at

its roots.

On weekends, I fall asleep to the sweet sound of ABC's radio

ambience. But last night, there seemed to be a decent discussion

which grabbed the attention of my ears, and prevented my eyes

from shutting up shop. A disgruntle American Catholic priest (so

disgruntle I would call him an ex-priest) and a female activist

against sexual abuse within the Church clergy, were discussing

with the unbiased host the effects of this abuse among the

faithful. When asked about the domineering structure of the

clerical hierarchy, they both responded that neither Jesus nor the
Bible ever intended for this aristocracy to have control. However,

they were both completely mistaken, and, in my view, at least

the learned priest should have known better; nearing his

crucifixion, Jesus clearly hands the "keys of the kingdom" over to

his disciple, Peter, implying that he will infallibly rule his flock

(Matthew 16:17-20). And therein lies the rump. As I painfully

listened on to their hypocritical discussion, I was tempted to just

ring up and ask, "Can you please get to the root of the problem?"

And the root is this: it is not the Pope, nor his clergy which are

the problem, but the Bible itself. So next time I see a faithful

churchgoer winging outside the stained glassed windows and

demanding a change in the Church's structure, I'll approach them

with my flaming eyes and opinionated tone of voice, shouting,

"You want change? Then GET OUT!" My justification for such a

passionate response is that they are blatantly conscious

hypocrites. They refuse the authority of the Church, but advocate

its foundations. Now you see that you must stab at the heart of

an issue, as much as it may hurt, to ensure that the bear of

hypocrisy is slain.

No matter how many obvious examples and scathing remarks

I make, ultimately, you will ask yourself why we can't just say or
believe one thing, and then act upon another. To this result of
mental weariness, I look to the simplicity of nature, one which we
should attempt to reflect instead of intentionally
overcomplicating our modern, indulgent lifestyles. Would a
squirrel collect hundreds of nuts, and then eat from a garbage
can? Would a bayer weaver build an elaborate nest and then fight
beak and nail for anthers? Would a woman condemn murderers
and then kill her own child (well yes, she would, but that's an
article for another day)? Conscience hypocrisy is unnatural. It
destroys the harmony of existence. Malcolm X once said, "There
is a time to be cool and there's a time to be hot." And this is the
time to be hot. Get off your leather sofa where you do yourself an
injustice by winging behind the media screen. Stand up and
condemn it - loudly. Society is crumbling off the banks of
reasonable thought and into the river of confusion. Yes, rowing
against the raging current will see you spat on, but you will also
be a life raft to the drowning citizens of the world. So be it the
hypocrisy of your local bowling club or the hypocrisy of a nation,
someone must take a stand and renew the peace and satisfaction
that the simple life of steadfast thought can bring. Be not a
miserable wedge between to apposing ideas, but the craftsman
who will take one piece to build his chair, and incinerate the
other.