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😇

Hey Joe,

Iʼve taken the time to really sit with and analyze my behavior and why/how I sort of
lost touch with myself in this emotional process. I see now exactly what you
meant, you repeated it over and over since January but I was so caught up in my
anxiety and fear that I wasnʼt listening to you. Despite you telling me how you felt
numerous times (in a straightforward way that emphasized how deep your feelings
are for me), I fell into this paranoid trap that you didnʼt mean how you felt or that
your mind would change from one day to the next or youʼd forget about me
completely. My anxiety went from focusing on my health to being paranoid that I
would just be an insignificant memory to you. I selfishly expected you to be my Dr.
Google (reassurance man) without even thinking about how hard that made things
for you as well. Iʼm sorry for how I handled things, I was irrational and I fully
understand everything you meant now. And Iʼm sorry for hurting you in doing that.
The truth is: I want the same things that you had expressed to me over the past
couple of months… I was just too emotional to clearly see it.

Our situation is complicated, and yes, like you, I donʼt think Iʼm overly-
romanticizing the idea of us ending up together in the long run. In fact, my gut
tells me that thatʼs highly likely (and truthfully that gut feeling has been there ever
since I met you). But… right now the logic of the situation is that weʼre over 1,000
miles apart and long distance is only an option if I decide to move back to Austin
(or Nola ) with you. If/when that decision comes, itʼs going to take some time
and life experiences to bring me to that point. Itʼs something Iʼm assessing now
and will continue to assess periodically because, as important as my dream is to
me, youʼre more important and Iʼm feeling that more and more everyday. I just
need time to fully think and come to terms with that/strategize how I can evolve
my dream to make that work before I can make that decision. I want to be clear:
that decision is not on you, itʼs on me so donʼt feel guilty about that ever if/when
that time comes. Reading all day has kind of sparked this idea of maybe using my
skillset to write my own stuff instead of producing… so who knows, maybe iʼll
become a writer that can work from anywhere soon.

Logically, what do we do now? Well, I reread our past texts and remember our
convos before I let my anxiety get the best of me. And I think youʼre right. We need
to “move on” but I donʼt mean it in the traditional “Iʼm over you” way. What I mean
is that we need to move on for now… we have to live our lives, experience shit,
date people (that are hopefully not too terrible), and just have faith that those
experiences will add up and help us be a better Joe-vid 2.0 when that time comes.
I still have my calendar marked for Friday 1/24/2025 @ 6PM at the Place DʼArmes,
though I hope God has a better, quicker plan for us. In this process though, I want
you to know that youʼre not someone Iʼd ever consider replaceable now or ever. I
know how valuable you are and I know how you made me feel every single day that
we were together. Thatʼs not something Iʼll forget and Iʼm 100% certain my feelings
will always be there even if I tuck them away for a bit.

In the meantime, we were a strong duo all around. Under our “in love” romance
was the perfect friendship. We were there for and supported each other no matter
what and ended up growing so much together. Iʼm proud to have had you so
deeply invested in my life and Iʼd like to have that part of our dynamic again.
Can we get back to our original plan and try to make this work as friends for now?
Iʼd really like you in my life, Joe.

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