😇 🤞

Hey Joe,

Iʼve taken the time to really sit with and analyze my behavior and why/how I sort of
lost touch with myself in this emotional process. I see now exactly what you
meant, you repeated it over and over since January but I was so caught up in my
anxiety and fear that I wasnʼt listening to you. Despite you telling me how you felt
numerous times (in a straightforward way that emphasized how deep your feelings
are for me), I fell into this paranoid trap thinking that you didnʼt really mean how
you felt or that your mind would change from one day to the next or youʼd forget
about me completely. My anxiety went from focusing on my health to being
paranoid that I would just be an insignificant memory to you. I selfishly expected
you to be my Dr. Google (reassurance man) without even thinking about how hard
that made things for you as well. I was hurting and forgot how much you were
hurting too. Iʼm sorry for how I handled things. I was irrational and I fully
understand everything you meant/texted me over the past couple of months now.
But more importantly, Iʼm sorry for adding to your hurt. The truth is: I want the
same things that you had expressed to me over the past couple of months… I was
just too emotional and afraid to clearly see what you were trying to say.

Our situation is complicated, and yes, like you, I donʼt think Iʼm overly-
romanticizing the idea of us ending up together in the long run. In fact, my gut
tells me that thatʼs highly likely (and truthfully that gut feeling has been there ever
since I met you). But… right now the logic of the situation is that weʼre over 1,000+
miles apart and long distance is only an option if I decide to move back to Austin
(or Nola ) with you. If/when that decision comes, itʼs going to take some time
and life experiences to bring me to that point. Itʼs something Iʼm assessing now
and will continue to assess periodically because as important as my dream is to
me, youʼre more important and Iʼm feeling that more and more everyday. I just
need time to fully think and come to terms with that/strategize how I can evolve
my dream to make that work before I can make that decision. I want to be clear:
that decision is not on you, itʼs on me so donʼt feel guilty about that ever if/when
that time comes. Reading all day and working in the development world has kind of
sparked this idea of maybe using my skillset to write my own stuff instead of
producing… so who knows, maybe iʼll become a writer that can work from
anywhere soon. Either way, whatever I end up choosing to do with my career, a
part of my dream involves you by my side at the end of it all.

Logically, what do we do now? Well, I reread our past texts and remember our
convos before I let my anxiety get the best of me. And I think youʼre right. We need
to “move on” but not in the traditional “Iʼm over you” way. What I mean is that we
need to move on for now… we have to live our lives to the fullest in the meantime,
experience shit, maybe even date people (that are hopefully not too terrible), and
just have faith that those experiences will add up and help us become a better
Joe-vid 2.0 when that time comes. I still have my calendar marked for Friday
1/24/2025 @ 6PM at the Place DʼArmes, though I hope God has a better, quicker
plan for us. In this process though, I want you to know that youʼre not someone Iʼd
consider replaceable now or ever. I know how valuable you are and I know how you
made me feel every single day that we were together. I love you and thatʼs not
something Iʼll forget and Iʼm certain my feelings will always be there for you. Donʼt
forget that.

In the meantime, we were a strong duo all around. Under our “in love” romance
was the perfect friendship. We were there for and supported each other no matter
what and ended up growing so much together. Iʼm proud to have had you so
deeply invested in my life and Iʼd like to have that part of our dynamic again. Can
we get back to our original plan and make this work as friends? I absolutely think
thatʼs possible with you, even if it is a bit unconventional. Youʼll always be apart of
my life. And I canʼt wait for a time when we can talk regularly again.