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(9783110402490 - Family Life in Adolescence) 5 Adolescents in Divorced and Separated Families
(9783110402490 - Family Life in Adolescence) 5 Adolescents in Divorced and Separated Families
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96 Adolescents in Divorced and Separated Families
Following divorce, there are three major types of residential arrangements used by
families including those with an adolescent: living with mother, living with father,
or dual residence where the adolescent spends a relatively equal time with each
parent (Buchanan, Maccoby, & Dornbusch, 1996). These authors point out that
dual residence arrangements have had both supporters and detractors. Supporters
focus on the benefits to the children of not ‘losing’ either parent, whereas detractors
tend to focus on the problems for young people of moving continually between two
residences and not really having a stable family life. These adolescents also need to
be very organized, making sure that they have the things they need for school and
other activities at the right residence at the right time. In some ways, more is expected
of these adolescents than some adults would be capable of dealing with effectively.
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Communication About the Divorce 97
et al. (1996) comment, “Moves into mother or dual residence occur for more benign
or positive reasons than moves into father custody” (p.255). It seems that fathers
were probably required to deal with more troubled adolescents who were not coping
well and who had difficulty adapting to other types of residential arrangements. It is
interesting to note that those adolescents who had one or more changes in residence
since the divorce and who were currently living with their fathers were the least well-
adjusted adolescents in the study. In particular, in this study, inter-parental conflict
was more strongly associated with adjustment and well-being for adolescents who
lived with their fathers than for those in other living arrangements, although it was
not clear why this would be so.
Adolescents often have difficulty with what one parent tells them about the other
parent, or about the separation and divorce (Koerner, Wallace, Lehman, & Raymond,
2002). Adolescent daughters in this study were particularly distressed by their
mothers’ detailed disclosures about financial problems, negative characteristics
of their ex-husbands (the adolescents’ fathers), employment issues and personal
problems. These types of disclosures particularly affected adolescent daughters who,
irrespective of their age, worried a lot about their mothers. It is interesting to note
that they did not feel closer to their mothers as a consequence of such disclosures.
Adolescents used as confidants by their parents may feel burdened and overwhelmed,
and may become psychologically distressed or engage in problematic behaviour
(Koerner, Jacobs, & Raymond, 2000).
Why might parents disclose inappropriate details about their relationship with
their ex-husband and the divorce process to their adolescents? According to a study
by Afifi and her colleagues (Afifi, McManus, Hutchinson, & Baker, 2007), the main
reason centres on the parents’ feelings of having little or no control over the divorce
process. Parents did not disclose to their children because they had no-one else to
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98 Adolescents in Divorced and Separated Families
confide in, but disclosed to them even when they had other family members and
friends that they could talk with about what they were going through.
In another study, mothers reported that they made negative comments about their
ex-husbands in order to change their daughters’ views about their fathers, and about
the divorce and who was to blame for their current situation (Koerner, et al., 2000).
These mothers seem to be trying to make their partners seem more responsible for
the breakup and themselves less responsible in the eyes of their daughters. It is also
possible that parents may disclose to their adolescents, even though they are aware
that such disclosures are inappropriate, in order to reduce their children’s uncertainty
about what is happening to the family (Afifi, et al., 2007).
According to research, the level of stressful conflict between the parents seems
to affect the extent to which parents disclose inappropriate information to their
offspring about the divorce process (Afifi et al., 2007). The high level of conflict and
the anger parents experience as a result may reduce the parent’s awareness of the
inappropriateness of talking about their problems with their adolescent. In support
of this suggestion, parents who had a less conflicted relationship with their former
spouse were more upset by their inappropriate disclosures to their offspring than
was true for those who had a highly conflicted relationship with their former spouse.
Perhaps these latter parents are so angry that they feel justified in criticising their
former partner to their adolescents, or alternatively, their level of communication skill
may be so poor at this stage because of their level of stress that they don’t even realise
that their disclosures are inappropriate (Amato, & DeBoer, 2001) and could even harm
their children and/or their relationships with their children.
According to Amato and Keith (1991), the level of family conflict is the factor most
likely to have a negative impact on the children (and adolescents) of divorce. Amato
(2000) argues that any factor that creates stress is likely to increase the negative
effects of divorce for young people, and conflict, especially between parents, certainly
seems to be an important stressor. If the young people have good coping skills and
confidence in their ability to deal with the problems, however, and live in a supportive
family environment, they are less likely to experience negative consequences.
In the Buchanan et al. (1996) study, the adolescents’ perceptions of conflict between
their parents were more clearly related to their adjustment than were parents’ reports
of conflict. Of course, it is possible that parents were not really prepared to admit
the true levels of their conflict. Alternatively, we know that adolescents tend to have
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Conflict and Children’s Adjustment Following Divorce 99
a fairly negative view of their family relationships (Noller & Callan, 1986; Noller, Seth-
Smith, Bouma & Schweitzer, 1992). Adolescents’ criticism of the family may be higher
than that of parents because they don’t have the same level of investment in the family
and are consciously, or more likely unconsciously, preparing themselves for the time
when they will need to leave the family (Bengtson & Troll, 1978).
Adolescents in the Buchanan et al. (1996) study who lived in dual residence
arrangements were more likely to be affected by inter-parental conflict than were
other adolescents, and more likely to feel caught between their parents. This
situation may occur because of the need for more contact between the parents as
the adolescents move so regularly between homes. Adolescents actually report
that the times when they were moving between homes provided an opportunity for
parents to engage in conflict with one another (Noller, Feeney, Sheehan, Darlington
& Rogers, 2008).
The work of Afifi (2003) supports the view that conflict between parents is
a particularly serious problem when children are involved, and those children
become confidants of one parent. She found that, in this situation, offspring were
most likely to experience loyalty conflicts and feelings of being caught between their
parents. On a more positive note, when parents were not involved in a lot of conflict,
dual-residence adolescents were the group least likely to feel caught between their
parents. These researchers suggest that the benefits of being able to maintain good
relationships with both parents may make it easier for adolescents in dual-residence
arrangements to cope effectively with conflict and loyalty problems.
Feelings of being caught between parents tended to increase with age in this
sample suggesting that adolescents may find it harder to avoid getting caught up in
inter-parental conflict as they get older. Perhaps parents are more likely to confide
their reactions to negative behaviour by their former spouse to older adolescents than
to younger ones. As Afifi (2003) notes, offspring of separated and divorced parents
may want to become involved in negotiating between their parents because of their
love for them, but also fear the problems and stress that may be caused by trying to be
loyal to both of them (Buchanan, Maccoby & Dornbusch, 1991).
In an Australian study focusing on conflict in families of divorce (Noller et al.,
2008), the researchers found that conflict was higher in the separated/divorced
families than in the married families across three different relationships: the
relationship between the separated/divorcing parents, the adolescent’s relationship
with their resident parent, and their relationship with their closest sibling. When
families were compared according to whether they were continuously married or
separated/divorced and according to the level of conflict they reported in the family,
the highest levels of problems occurred for the separated/divorcing families who
were also high in conflict. Adolescents in these families reported the lowest levels
of psychological adjustment as measured in terms of depression, anxiety and self-
esteem. Hence it is not just divorce that has an effect on young people but the levels of
ongoing conflict in the family particularly between their parents.
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100 Adolescents in Divorced and Separated Families
Although Noller et al. (2008) were not able to compare boys and girls in their research,
according to the Buchanan et al. (1996) study, boys seemed to react to inter-parental
conflict more than girls, and boys’ adjustment was more likely to be affected than
was true for girls. Boys in high conflict families were more likely to be depressed than
those in low conflict families and more likely to engage in problematic behaviours
such as those discussed in Chapter 6.
There is also evidence (Simons, Lin, Gordon, Conger, & Lorenz, 1999) that
different aspects of family life affect the reactions of boys and girls to divorce. Boys’
delinquency tended to be related to the parenting they received whereas girls’
delinquency was more strongly related to conflict following divorce along with their
mothers’ parenting. Further, problems such as depression and anxiety were also
related to different factors in boys and girls. Divorce tended to be the main factor
related to adjustment problems in males, whereas girls’ adjustment was related to
mothers’ parenting and mothers’ depression.
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Conflict and Children’s Adjustment Following Divorce 101
As part of the Noller et al. (2008) study adolescents were interviewed about the conflict
in the family. With regard to conflict between their parents after the separation,
some adolescents reported a decrease from what was occurring before the divorce,
but many reported ongoing conflict, particularly when young people were picked
up for visits with the non-resident parent. Some adolescents also claimed that their
parents didn’t communicate at all at such times, because any communication tended
to end in an argument. Although some adolescents reported that conflict with their
parents decreased following the divorce, for many their hopes for peace were often
not fulfilled.
Phones were also very important, with many adolescents reporting arguments
between their parents on the phone. They reported that parents screamed at each
other over the phone, argued for hours on the phone, and one young man claimed
that his parents “basically turned into little kids just calling each other names and
stuff” (Noller et al., 2008, p.15). A lot of the arguments were about the children and
money, with parents arguing about who should pay for what for their children. It
is possible that this negative use of the phone could result in non-resident parents
being less willing to ring their children between visits, in case their former spouse
answered the phone and another argument ensued. Such a situation would be sad
for the children.
Another source of conflict was the actual making of arrangements for contact
visits. According to the adolescents, fathers in particular wanted fairly rigid
arrangements such as every second weekend, whereas they themselves wanted more
flexible arrangements so that they could spend more time with their friends and in
their own activities. It makes sense that just as many adolescents in intact families
like to spend their weekends doing things with their friends, children from divorcing
families will also want to spend time with their friends rather than with their non-
resident parent.
Gattins, Kinlaw and Dunlap (2013) asked a sample of middle and high school
students in the USA about the impact of their parents’ relationship on them. Some of
these families were living together or married and some were divorced or separated.
Adolescents from the separated/divorced families tended to rate their parents’
co-parenting behaviours more negatively than other adolescents. They saw their
parents as competing with each other for the adolescent’s attention and wanting them
to favour one parent over the other. They also disagreed more than other adolescents
that their parents were working together in bringing them up. Middle school students
tended to be more positive about their parents and their co-parenting than were high
school students, but there were no differences between boys and girls.
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102 Adolescents in Divorced and Separated Families
Resilience is about the extent to which people, including adolescents, have learned to
successfully manage difficulties as they arise (Peters, Leadbeater, & McMahon, 2005)
as well as their potential for growth as a result of dealing with problems (Walsh, 2002)
(see also Chapter 8 where we focus on resilience in a more general way). There is some
evidence that certain aspects of family life such as family management practices and
family solidarity and support can promote resilience in family members when dealing
with adverse situations such as divorce (Furstenberg, Cook, Eccles, Elder, & Sameroff,
1999; Larson, Dworkin, & Gillman, 2001).
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Shared Family Time and Family Resilience Following Divorce 103
Hutchinson, Afifi & Krause (2007) studied families who had experienced divorce, and
explored, through interviews, the links between shared family time and the resilience
of family members. These researchers showed that shared family time and activities
were critical to post-divorce families in terms of helping them to develop new family
processes and structures. They found that when family members spent time together
in a mutually enjoyable activity, not only was positive mood enhanced but members
began to believe that they could overcome their problems by working together. There
was also evidence that family involvement in leisure activities tends to increase
cohesion and adaptability in the family, and to increase satisfaction with family life
(Zabriskie & McCormick, 2001, 2003). The families in the Hutchinson et al. study
talked about “the importance of their home - and the shared space within that home –
to create a sense of belonging and comfort, both of which were perceived as important
to being part of a family” (p.40).
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104 Adolescents in Divorced and Separated Families
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Adolescents’ Management of Relationships with Divorced Parents 105
Menning (2008) interviewed adolescents about how they managed relationships with
their non-resident parents and found that they tended to have negative evaluations
of those parents and to use those negative views to explain how and why they needed
to manage their relationships with a particular parent. They focused on a range of
parental behaviours that they considered negative, including parents’ tendency to
overreact or respond with inappropriate harshness to some kinds of information
such as a failure at school, behaving in ways that didn’t fit with the adolescents’
values, having poor listening skills, lacking expertise in areas the adolescent wanted
help with such as in academic areas, and having mental health problems. These
researchers also found that adolescents used various strategies to deal with these
‘problem’ behaviours of parents.
Sometimes the adolescents would refuse to give their non-resident parent information
that they thought might cause the parent to ‘overreact’, or alternatively, they might
resort to telling them as little as possible. In fact, they would often use the split
household to their advantage, and give one parent information but not the other. In
this way, they avoided possible strong negative reactions, and were still able to enjoy
the financial and other benefits provided by their non-resident parent as well as the
leisure activities that they engaged in together (Menning, 2008).
The adolescents were also able to control the image of themselves that was
revealed to their non-resident parents, keeping it as positive as possible. Some
adolescents even worked at minimizing the influence their non-resident parent could
have on their education by arranging, using the bureaucratic rules of their schools,
that report cards not be sent to that parent. By using such strategies, adolescents
increased their sense of autonomy and individuation, an important aspect of
adolescent development as we saw in Chapter 2. It could be argued, of course that
keeping such information from a particular parent may not be in the best interests of
the parent or the family.
Because adolescents in these split households are able to place conditions on when
they see their non-resident parent, they are able to control being with their non-
resident parent in ways that are not possible for adolescents who live in a household
with both their parents. They can also increase and decrease contact with parents by
changing residence. This strategy means that they can avoid discipline and control
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106 Adolescents in Divorced and Separated Families
from one parent and live with the parent they think will give them the easiest time.
If that parent argues with the adolescent and tries to exert some control, they can
change household again. Menning (2008) interviewed a 15-year old male who had
changed his residence six times, continually going from one parent to the other in
line with his perception that he would be better off. Of course, being able to switch
households depends on the willingness of the parents to allow that. Unfortunately,
a parent refusing to allow an adolescent to move in with them, for whatever reason,
is likely to be seen as a rejection by the young person and add to the pain they are
already experiencing as a result of the disruption to their family.
Adolescents can also decide not to have contact with their non-resident parents,
because of their assessment of the negative traits of the parent or because they believe
that parent is trying to manipulate them. Parents (mainly fathers) may also cut off
contact with their children for a range of reasons such as finding that obligations to
their new family leave them with little or no time for their older children, or because
they believe that they are being excluded from their children’s lives (Clark & McKenry,
1997, as cited in Lamb, 1999) or if they see themselves as having little control over their
children’s upbringing (Braver, & Griffin, 2000).
An important question with regard to divorce and sibling relationships concerns the
extent to which siblings rely on each other at stressful times such as when there is
a lot of conflict in the family or when parents are divorcing. Do siblings support and
help each other during such trying times, compensating one another for the love and
care they are not receiving from their parents at this time, or do they engage in a lot of
conflict like their parents?
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Parental Divorce and Adolescent Problem Behaviour 107
High Low
High Affect-intense Hostile
Low Harmonious Uninvolved
Because these researchers carried out interviews with the adolescents, they were
able to get some insight into how these two different aspects of relationships could
exist together in these sibling relationships. They showed that the positive aspect of
adolescents’ sibling relationships involved the care and comfort that they provided to
one another and the ways they worked together in resolving conflict and in dealing
with the conflict between their parents. The negative aspect of those relationships
involved younger siblings tending to resent the care and comfort they received from
their older sibling, seeing these behaviours as attempts to dominate them. They
thought that their siblings tended to become overprotective in trying to spare them
the distress resulting from the conflict between their parents (Brody, 1998).
There is evidence for modest differences between young people in divorced versus
continuously married families in terms of their involvement in delinquent activities,
with those from divorced families being more likely to engage in antisocial activities
(Amato & Keith, 1991, 2001; Hetherington, Bridges & Insabella, 1998). Although some
have argued that this difference would decrease as divorce became more socially
acceptable, the differences actually seem to have increased (Amato, 2001; D’Onofrio,
2005).
Drunkenness, a particular problem behaviour in adolescents, was linked with
parental divorce in a Slovakian study (Tomcikova, Geckova, Reijneveld & van Dijk,
2011). Those with divorced parents were more likely to have been drunk in the previous
month, except for those who had strong positive feelings towards their fathers. These
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108 Adolescents in Divorced and Separated Families
researchers suggest that positive involvement with the father following divorce should
be encouraged as a protective factor against drunkenness in adolescents.
Adolescents from divorced and remarried families are more likely than those from
stable families to leave school early, to be unemployed, to become involved in sexual
relationships at an earlier age and to have children while still teenagers, to associate
with delinquent peers and become involved in their activities (Burt et al., 2008; Demo
& Acock, 1996; D’Onofrio et al., 2005, 2006, 2007; Elder & Russell, 1996; Hetherington
et al., 1998; Whitbeck, Simons & Goldberg, 1996) and these problems are apparent
across a range of ethnic groups (Amato & Keith, 1991). According to Whitbeck et al.,
it seems likely that lack of parental control by mothers who have been through
divorce increases the likelihood of adolescents becoming involved in sexual activity
at an early age. (see Table 5.3). The apparent lack of control is likely to be related to
the emotional state of the mother during this time as well as the fact that parenting
alone is a difficult task. Adolescent problem behaviour is discussed in more detail in
Chapter 6.
Based on findings that when marital conflict increases because of adolescent problem
behaviour there are corresponding changes in parents’ marital satisfaction (Cui
& Donnellan, 2009), Moore and Buehler (2011) assessed the link between divorce-
proneness and adolescent problem behaviour, looking at the parents’ sense of
parental efficacy as a mediating variable. Although there was no association between
the problem behaviours of early adolescents, either externalizing or internalizing, for
fathers, they found that fathers whose adolescents were susceptible to internalizing
and externalizing problems were more divorce-prone especially if they were low in
parental efficacy. For mothers, there was a link between adolescents’ internalizing
problems and divorce-proneness again mediated by the mothers’ sense of parenting
efficacy.
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Parental Divorce and Adolescent Problem Behaviour 109
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110 Adolescents in Divorced and Separated Families
Although it seems clear that children from divorced and remarried families exhibit
more problem behaviours and lower levels of psychological adjustment than those
whose families have never been involved in divorce, there are a number of factors
that contribute to this outcome (Hetherington, Bridges & Insabella, 1998). It is also
important to recognize that children vary in how they respond to marital disruptions
and not all children of divorce are adversely affected (Emery & Forehand, 1994;
McLanahan & Sandefur, 1994). In fact, Emery and Forehand argue that by far the
majority of children do not have serious problems following the divorce of their
parents, and most become well-adjusted and competent individuals.
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Parental Divorce and Adolescent Problem Behaviour 111
mental health when a person is in their twenties and early thirties, with the difference
between them and their counterparts from intact families increasing over time.
Some also argue that children who had poor adjustment after their parents’ divorce
were already having problems before the divorce occurred and therefore the divorce
could not be blamed for their problems (Amato & Booth, 1996). It is certainly true that
if children’s adjustment before the divorce is taken into account, then the differences
between young people from divorced and stable families tend to be smaller
(Guidibaldi, Perry & Nastasi, 1987; Kelly, 2000). It is important to remember, however,
that divorcing is a process and that young people in families that eventually divorce
may be exposed to high levels of conflict and poor parenting over an extended period
of time before the separation finally occurs. In fact, according to Amato and Booth,
problem relationships between parents and children in families that later divorced
were present as early as eight to 12 years earlier and these problems were related to
the low quality of the parent’s marriage.
Although the actual divorce event and the loss of the parent may not be
responsible for the children’s mental health problems, the breakdown of the
marriage contributes to those problems (Strohschein, 2005). Strohschein found that
children whose parents eventually divorced consistently experienced higher levels
of anxiety and depression and engaged in higher levels of antisocial behaviour than
children whose parents stayed married. In addition, these young people reported
experiencing slightly increased levels of anxiety and depression, but not antisocial
behaviour, following the divorce. In addition, there was no evidence that the anxiety
and depression of young people in highly dysfunctional families decreased following
divorce. Fergusson and his colleagues (1994) in New Zealand found increased risks of
adolescent problems such as delinquency, depression and drug abuse in 15-year old
adolescents who had experienced the breakdown of their parents’ marriage, although
again the problems were also present before the actual separation.
Aseltine (1996) takes a different point of view on the basis of his study of high
school students in Boston, USA. He argues that divorce appears to cause a number of
problems and difficulties that are linked with adolescent depression, many of which
are either not present prior to the separation or become more serious afterwards. He
found in his sample that many of the problems that we have discussed in this chapter
and that are typically experienced by adolescents whose parents have divorced were
not present before the divorce. In addition, even for those problems that were present
before the divorce, the differences between them and their counterparts from intact
families were larger after the divorce than prior to it.
Adolescents whose parents have divorced are likely to be exposed to more conflict
and bitterness both before and after the divorce than are adolescents whose parents
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112 Adolescents in Divorced and Separated Families
are in stable marriages (Noller et al., 2008; Oldehinkel, Ormel, Veenstra, De Winter
& Verhulst, 2008). In addition, both high levels of conflict and high levels of divorce
seem to work together to affect the well being of children and adolescents (Hanson,
1999; Morrison & Coiro, 1999; Noller et al., 2008). High conflict couples seem to be
able to keep the conflict going long after the divorce has occurred.
A large sample of Finnish adolescents were assessed when they were 16 years of age
and again when they were 32 years of age, and the researchers compared those whose
parents had been divorced when they were 16 with those who were in stable families
with their own parents (Mustonen et al., 2011). One striking finding was that those
from the divorced families were more likely to be separated or divorced at age 32 than
those whose parents were not divorced. Further, these researchers found that these
troubled relationships were more common in females from divorced families than was
true for males. These females also tended to have had poorer quality relationships
with their parents when they were adolescents, had lower self-esteem and were
not happy with the level of social support they were receiving. The extent to which
parental divorce affected the quality of their intimate relationships was indirectly
mediated by the quality of their relationships with their mothers.
A possible reason for this effect can be seen in a study by Wallerstein, Lewis and
Rosenthal (2013). They reported on 60 families where parents were separated and
divorced. These families were interviewed every five years over a 25-year period. These
researchers report that in the post-divorce years, many of the mothers focused less
on parenting even than they had through the period when the marriage was failing
and concentrated instead on becoming financially independent and on rebuilding
intimate relationships. In addition, many of the mothers struggled with psychiatric
problems. As a result, their children engaged in delinquent activities because of the
lack of supervision. Many mothers, however, were able to resume supervision of their
children with the result that the delinquent activities decreased.
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Living in a Stepfamily 113
at some time before they turn 16. According to this New Zealand study, after a resident
parent remarries, relationships between the resident parent and child are likely to
deteriorate. This finding is supported by a US study that found that mothers who
had remarried were less positive and more negative towards their own children from
previous relationships than mothers in first marriages or mothers in established
single-parent families (Hetherington & Clingempeel, 1992). In this study, pre-
adolescent children were also likely to experience adjustment problems.
There is also evidence that children in stepfamilies tend to be less warm and
communicative and also more negative in their interactions with their mothers
(Hetherington & Jodl, 1994). These young people are also likely to see their families
as more conflicted and less warm (Kurdek & Fine, 1993). These difficulties are likely
to increase for adolescents who may disengage from their families and spend as little
time as possible at home (Hetherington & Jodl). In addition, as will be discussed in
Chapter 7, adolescents in stepfamilies are also likely to leave home earlier, presumably
because of their dissatisfactions with family life.
According to the Harper and McLanahan (2004) study mentioned earlier,
those young people who were most at risk of ending up in prison were those from
stepfamilies, even though household income increased and the mother had, at least
in theory, an extra person to help with supervision and monitoring. In fact, in these
US data, those young people in stepfamilies were three times more likely than those
in biological mother-father families to be sent to prison. One of the weaknesses of this
study, acknowledged by the authors, was that conflict in the family, known to be related
to delinquent behaviour and leaving home to live on the street, was not included in the
analysis (Noller et al., 2008; Pears & Noller, 1995). Harper and McLanahan also note
that other research has found that the complexity of relationships in stepfamilies may
lead to adolescents experiencing uncertainty about how relationships should work
and having more conflict with their parents than occurs in mother-father households
(O’Connor, Hetherington & Clingempeel, 1997).
Adolescents tend to be less warm and commu- Mothers less positive and more negative to own
nicative and more negative in interactions with children
mother Not getting enough attention from mothers
Adolescents may disengage from family and because of new relationship – can create loyalty
spend little time at home conflict
Loyalty conflicts when adolescents don’t comply Resent stepfathers trying to change their routines
with instructions of stepfather or discipline them
Mothers don’t always keep adolescents informed
about loyalty conflicts
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114 Adolescents in Divorced and Separated Families
5.13 Summary
Although there is a lot of evidence that adolescents can be negatively affected by the
separation or divorce of their parents, the situation is more complex and a range of
family factors can increase or decrease the severity of the effect. For example, having
residential arrangements that are supportive and where family members spend time
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Implications for Practitioners 115
together in leisure and other activities can increase resilience in young people and
decrease the negative impact of their situation. Having one or more parents who use
them as confidants and reveal inappropriate information about the other parent or the
divorce can increase an adolescent’s feelings of being caught between their parents
and increase the negative impact of the divorce or separation on them.
Ongoing conflict, particularly between the parents and between parents and
adolescents can also contribute to the suffering of the young person, and increase
the likelihood of the adolescent’s psychological adjustment being negatively affected.
Ongoing inter-parental conflict increases the chances of adolescents becoming
depressed or getting involved in delinquent activities. Where families engaged in
enjoyable activities together, the positive mood of family members increased, their
sense of closeness and their flexibility increased and their belief that they could work
together to solve their problems also increased.
Adolescents in these families also need to be involved in decision-making about
issues such as where they would live and how much contact they would have with
the non-resident parent. They like to be able to minimize the negative reactions they
experience from parents and will change residences or limit contact with a parent
they see as over-reacting to stressful situations or giving them a hard time.
Sibling relationships in these families tend to be complicated, particularly for
younger siblings who want the care and comfort offered by their older siblings, but
don’t want to be dominated by them. They particularly resent any signs that their
older siblings are being overprotective of them because of the levels of distress they
are both dealing with.
Although adolescents from divorced families are more likely than adolescents
from continuously married families to suffer from a range of psychological and
behavioural problems, it is nevertheless true that most of them do not have serious
problems and are likely to become reasonably well-adjusted adults. Factors such as
the level of conflict between their parents and the parenting they receive are likely to
be critical to their adjustment and future development.
Adolescents are particularly likely to resent step-parents when they are not
consulted about their resident’s parent’s decision to invite the person into their
family. They also resent step-parents telling them what to do and trying to discipline
them. Relationships with the resident parent (usually the mother) tend to be less close
than they were before the ‘intrusion’ and loyalty conflicts between their adolescent
and their new partner can arise for these mothers.
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116 Adolescents in Divorced and Separated Families
the changes being made in the family. Parents may need to hear how their children
and adolescents are being affected, and adolescents may benefit from understanding
something of the pain that their parents are experiencing.
There is some evidence that adolescents have little patience with their parents’
problems and are likely to view their parents’ behaviour as childish, especially when
they argue about issues that seem trivial to the adolescent but may in fact be about
broader issues in the parents’ relationship, such as power and control. Counsellors
may need to help adolescents see these issues from the point of view of their parents
and to be more understanding of the issues the parents are dealing with.
Those adolescents living in homes without fathers may need help to see the
importance of self-discipline, given that mothers are often not able to discipline their
young people, particularly sons, either because of the age and size of the sons or
because of their own emotional state following the breakdown of their marriage.
Being a single parent at any time is a difficult task, but it is particularly difficult with
adolescents. In fact, these mothers may need help in managing their adolescents, and
adolescents may benefit from gaining some insight into the issues facing their single
mothers. Involving resident parents in parenting programs focused on adolescents
may be helpful (see Chapter 4).
Sibling relationships can also come under stress during and following the divorce
of their parents. Again, dealing with the siblings together is likely to be particularly
helpful. Concerned older siblings may not realise that their over-zealous care (at
least as experienced by their younger siblings) is causing problems for those siblings.
Helping them to share their concerns directly with their brothers or sisters could have
a positive impact on the relationship, with the older siblings helped to support their
younger siblings without overprotecting them.
Step-families can be problematic especially if the adolescent members are not
appropriately prepared for the changes in their families. Parents and step-parents
also need to be prepared so that roles are clarified before the step-parent joins the
family. For the children, the arrival of a step-parent may make it clear to them that
their dream of their parents getting back together is not going to be fulfilled. Why
wouldn’t they resent the step-parent? In addition, if step-parents try to take over the
role of the parent who has left, children are likely to respond very negatively. Ideally,
counselling should take place before the step-parent moves in so that both parent and
adolescents have the opportunity to share their feelings and discuss ways to make the
relationships work.
Nicholson, Phillips, Whitton, Halford and Sanders (2007) argue that co-parenting
can be particularly difficult in step-families. According to these researchers, it is
important that the biological parent take primary responsibility for discipline at
the same time as maintaining a relationship with the child involving high levels of
warmth and positive interactions. The step-parent, on the other hand should focus
his attention on developing a positive relationship with the child that is mutually
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Implications for Practitioners 117
respectful (Ganong, Coleman, Fine & Martin, 1999). Clearly, interventions with
stepfamilies involving adolescents need to focus around these relationships.
In this chapter we have discussed the potential impact of parental divorce for
adolescents and the family. In the following chapter we explore a broader range of
family contexts that can decrease, and those that can increase, the likelihood of
problematic behaviours of adolescents.
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